Whether you're working your way through college or a master's program or you're taking adult education classes on the side in another language or a new skill you'd like to get down, you've probably run into girls in class you liked at some point or another.
Heck, maybe even in most of the classes you've taken you've run into a few!
And if you have, you've probably also run into the scenario common to most guys who've had cute girls in their classes:
- Spot pretty girl in class
- Try and sit near pretty girl
- Try to make eye contact with her
- Maybe exchange a few words
- Try and work together with her, maybe on a project
- Try and impress her in class - telling jokes, say, or knowing all the answers
- Eventually it seems like maybe she likes you - but then nothing happens
You can easily spend one semester after another doing this, always feeling like girls like you, and never getting anywhere with them. And that's frustrating.
If you've ever sat there admiring some beautiful girl in class, then never made a move, you know what I'm talking about. She made class a lot more interesting and exciting to attend... but that was about it. Wouldn't it be great if you could actually meet these pretty girls in class and date them?
A lot of the advice out there centers on getting you flirting with girls in class... eye contact, teasing, and all that jazz. To me though, that's a big waste of time. ANYBODY can flirt with a girl in one of his classes... what we want to get you doing is asking them OUT.
So let's get you asking them out.
You'd think it'd be easier to meet girls in class than somewhere random, like a street or a nightclub. Or than some alcohol-infused mish-mosh like an apartment party or dorm room shebang.
But if you're like most guys, it's the opposite. Classrooms are a lot harder to meet girls in than the alternative.
It's weird. There you are, and there she is... you see each other every day... you like her, she likes you. Easy, right?
Well... not exactly.
Similar to what we talked about with "regulars" in the article on gym pickup, girls in your class effectively function as "regulars" in that environment, too - they're slow-game social circle prospects that it's often difficult to move fast with.
There are several reasons:
Most of the value you show her during class you show her indirectly. She sees you impressively answering the teacher, for instance, or she laughs at one of your jokes you tell a classmate or the class; or she marvels at your sense of style, or impeccable posture, or attractive, resonant voice. Because it's indirect, it's harder for her to let you know she likes you - she can't well say she's impressed by your voice when you haven't been talking to her; she'll feel like she's chasing you.
Despite you being in the same class together, there often isn't a social context. In other words, you don't often have a good reason to speak to one another. Her heart might be throbbing for you, and yours for her, and you might even be an expert at talking to girls outside of class, but because there's no easy, readily-available situational reason for the two of you to start talking, you never do.
There's hardly any time to talk before or after class, and you can't talk during class. Before class, she isn't there, or you aren't there, or the two of you are sitting far apart. After class, everybody leaves. And during class, well... that's when the teacher's talking, not you. So again, you and the girls in class you like never talk.
Classrooms are instant social circle - which means she needs to be cautious. Because she'll see you again, and especially if you're in a small school and you and her are in a lot of the same classes and know a lot of the same people, you are most certainly not some random guy she can interact with with zero fear of the consequences. Being her secret lover is largely out; the classroom imposes immediate and nearly universal expectations of "friend" or "boyfriend," almost never "lover," which means you'll be stuck moving slowly (and often ineffectively)... and we'll discuss why below, and how you can try to counter this.
These things in conjunction all make classroom dating more difficult for the majority of men. Getting girls in class is an entirely different skill set - it's sort of like social circle, but not really. And it's completely different from picking up strangers in a bar or a bookstore. The things that work great in those scenarios often don't work at all in a classroom.
Fortunately, all the fundamentals you've been building (great posture, a sexy walk, a sexy voice, slow and dominant movements, eye contact, a sexy vibe, leading women, moving women, frame control, and all the rest) still apply, and still are important in attracting women in class as much as anywhere else.
But make no bones about it, classroom dating is a strange and unusual beast into and unto itself.
The Instant Social Circle
If you've read "9 Great Tips for Dating in College," you may have noticed I spent very little time on talking about class. That's for two reasons:
Class is "luck of the draw." You might end up in a class filled with beauties, or you might end up in one filled with guys who like engineering, anime, and video games. Aside from selecting classes more likely to have attractive women in them, you have little control over whom you're going to get in your classes, and that's doubly true if you're in university taking required courses.
That instant social circle deal we mentioned above. I'll go into this one more in-depth here.
The luck-of-the-draw element in classes can mess with your head if you aren't meeting new women more regularly on your own. I can remember classes in college where I'd start thinking some girl in one of my classes was really hot, just because she was the prettiest girl in class. I'd be having all these fantasies about her and what have you. Then I'd run into her outside of class and realize that, compared to all the other girls out and about, she was really nothing special.
Classrooms are dangerous like that. Suddenly you start highly valuing some girl that you really wouldn't value nearly as high outside that single classroom, and you act weird and do the wrong stuff.
What I really want to talk about here is the "instant social circle" problem. Social circle is a different approach to meeting women than cold approach, which is the main thing advocated here and what I suggest you do to liberate yourself from ever having any limitations on your dating life ever again. If you want to be free, you need to cold approach, plain and simple.
Many guys never will, because it's too intimidating, but once you get going on it and start racking up experience and it stops being scary and weird, it truly is freedom for your love life.
Back to social circle. Sometimes, you can leverage social circle to get yourself a lot of fast lays with a lot of attractive women who might otherwise be difficult to get through your cold approaching.
For instance, Ricardus at one point had himself well-established in the social circle of some popular local music celebrities who'd always hang out in the VIP section of the nightclubs in town, and they'd always have a constant stream of new and beautiful women coming through. Ricardus, who was just some guy who was friends with the music stars, as far as the girls were concerned, would just hang out and pick up girls this way and had an easy time of it, because he was operating on the periphery of their social circles and just being a sexy guy they happened to run into for fast intimacy.
Most of the time though, unless you're doing things really right, social circle simply leads to:
Girls being extra-cautious (you're not anonymous, which means there's a much greater chance that whatever happens between her and you gets out to everyone she knows - and she absolutely must maintain discretion - and her reputation)
Girls coming to value you as potential friends or lovers - they see your "other sides" and suddenly it's next to impossible to see you as a one-dimensional sexy man who's only going to provide one thing to their lives and one thing only (lusty, raunchy physical intimacy)
The "I've got time" mentality - if you're some man she meets on the street, it can seem like a romantic, rushed encounter - she's got to decide: will she see you again, or not? Then, if you're not always completely available, she may fear losing you and never seeing you again - thus prompting her to pick up the pace if yes, in fact, she likes you. In social circle, women feel none of this urgency. And the more time they spend around you, the more secure they begin to feel that you are never going away... so they can take as loooong as they like to make up their minds.
Thus, you see the limitations here. And there are fewer places better at reassuring women you aren't going anywhere, at showing them your other (non-sexual) sides, and at reinforcing that they'd better move slow and be cautious with you than school.
In as restrictive an environment as the classroom is, what's a boy to do?
Obviously then, if you want to get girls in class, you have to overcome the limitations of the classroom environment - namely:
- Girls extra-cautious
- Girls seeing your other sides and valuing you more highly
- Girls feeling like they've got plenty of time with you
... and then you've got to step up to the plate and make some magic (and dates) happen.
Let's tackle extra-cautious first.
Extra-cautious is the most intractable, at first glance, of these three problems to remove.
You can't very well just tell
a girl that you're discreet... that
doesn't work. You'll just be wasting your time. In fact, every way I've
seen most guys try to do this reeks of desperation, or is a little on
the clumsy side. So stay away from anything approximating, "Hey, don't
worry... I don't kiss and tell!" Stay away too from the equally-clumsy,
"Hey... you don't kiss and tell, do you?" She knows you don't care if
You can tell her a story about how foolish it is that you friend was
indiscreet about something, but it needs to be artfully and expertly
woven into your conversation to not sound contrived - and you're in a classroom, there's not much
chance to talk about anything, let alone artfully weave something in.
In fact, there's a better way to let a woman feel comfortable letting her guard down around you and trusting you to be discreet:
Give her some leverage over you.
That's right - tell her some secret she can use against you if it ever gets out.
Obviously, don't use something that's really going to wreck you if she does it, and don't do this with girls you think might possibly do something spiteful / mean / hurtful, and don't use something that's going to make you look like a dumb oaf to the girl.
Instead, use one like this:
You: Hey, what's your name?
Her: I'm Becky.
You: Hi Becky, I'm John.
Her: Hi John. How was your summer?
You: It was great - hey, Becky, can you hold onto my bag for a second? I've got food in here, we're not supposed to have it, just don't tell anyone. I have to run outside for a second and I don't want anyone going through my stuff and finding it. Call me paranoid.
You: Cool, I appreciate it. I'll be right back, thanks Becky.
You can do that before class begins, leave for a minute (go to the bathroom, get a drink of water, etc.), then come back, thank her, and tell her you'll give her a potato chip later (or whatever you've got in there).
Why's this work? As it turns out, it does a number of good things
for you, all at once:
- It creates an "us-vs-them" theme between the two of you
- It communicates to her that you trust her
- It communicates to her that you value discretion
- It gets compliance from her right away and gets her investing
- It gives her a piece of leverage over you (she knows you bring food to class, and could tell the teacher), which makes you far less likely to do something to hurt her than someone she holds no leverage over, and she knows this
And just like that, you've gone from being a total stranger to that quirky guy with food in his bag that she now has some modicum of a connection with.
She doesn't know anything about you yet, other than that you're a little imposing and you keep food in your satchel, but she's going to be a lot less cautious with you now than, say, that guy Timmy over on her right who keeps staring at her and trying to flirt with her.
And now, you're one down, two to go.
Preventing Girls in Class Seeing
Your "Other Side"
One of the big ones that kicks in once girls have been around you too long in class is them seeing your "other side;" that is, they realize that you're not just a sexual man filled with lust and passion, but that, hey! You're actually a pretty smart / funny / great guy!
At that point, you can kiss any hope of getting together with them quickly goodbye - and, most likely, any hope of getting together with them at all (see: "Attraction Has an Expiration Date").
So how do you circumvent this?
Easy - you get together with them before they've had a chance to see that other side.
That means, by the fourth time the class meets, you should already
have asked a girl out if you like
her. Once you wait too long, attraction expires, and you get slotted
into just friends territory - no good.
That's exactly where you don't want to be - it's like getting tossed
into a deep, dark hole of non-seduction. No good ever comes of being
her platonic guy friend and contenting yourself with hoping and
dreaming while other men date her, breakup with her, and move onto
other girls and she moves onto other guys.
Your process should look like this:
Day 1: introductions. If you can, defuse her cautiousness right when you meet her, although you can always do this on Day 2 once you've said "hi," too. Simply asking her how her summer or winter break was if you've never talked to her before is sufficient. Don't talk about the class; it'll kill you (it's a boring, dead-end topic, and she knows you don't care why she's taking the class or what she thinks about the teacher).
Day 2: the second class you see her in. Talk to her more (easier now that you've said "hi"), and if you haven't already defused her cautiousness, do it now by sharing something that will give her a little leverage over you and make her understand you're a guy who values discretion. You can be talking to her and tell her, "Hey, don't tell anyone, but..." if you can tie something related into your conversation. Or, just use the "food in my bag" example.
Day 3: talk some more; ask her out if things are going great, or wait until next time if you think she needs a little more warming up (usually this is when you'll want to go in for the kill, though).
Day 4: if you haven't asked her out by now, do it this day. Wait any longer than this and you're dead in the water; friend zone material. If you like her, grab your cajones and do it.
That's it. Fast. Not asking her out the first day - unless you're unbelievably suave, that's going to seem too abrupt for a social circle context like this. You also won't have had time to get into much of a discussion with her and screened her to any meaningful extent; it won't feel "right" that you're asking her out.
Once you've met her on the first day, it's very easy for you to sit next to her on subsequent days and go straight into talking to her. The two of you are classmates who are on a friendly basis now; there's no need for you to pretend to ignore her. Just sit near her and talk.
What should you talk about? The same things you would with women in any other situation. See:
... for some ideas.
You should absolutely not
- The class
- The teacher
- The school
- The school football team
- Anything impersonal to her whatsoever
If her answers are going to be similar to the answers you'd get from anyone else (e.g., "Why are you taking this class?" "What do you think of the teacher?" "Do you think our football team has a good chance to win this year?"), do NOT ask that question. It's boring conversation fodder, and you'll sound like a boring conversationalist.
Be an interesting one. Get onto deep, meaty topics about her.
How to ask her out? Well, once you've had a few half-decent conversations, you can simply ask her:
“Tell you what, let's grab a bite sometime this week, outside of class.”
And then get a phone number from her.
And at this point, you only have one
more consideration left.
What If She Thinks She Has Plenty of Time?
Any time someone is faced with having to make a choice, if given the option to delay that choice, most folks will take it.
Have to choose whether to buy that used BMW you were checking out
for $10,000 or not? It's okay, you've got time. You'll make up your
But for the dealer, this is not so good. Now he's not sure whether to sell the BMW to the next guy who comes by, or to show him a different car, try and sell him that one, and hope you come back and take the BMW... or whether he should just sell the guy the BMW, thinking you won't come back, and hope he made the right decision and you don't come back looking for the BMW, find that it's gone, and then he's lost a sale.
Have to choose whether to buy that new Bose sound system at Best Buy or not, but you're not sure if it's what you want? It's fine, you can head home later and check out the ratings on Amazon.
But for Best Buy, chances are you never come back. If you want it, it might just be more convenient to purchase it on Amazon and have it shipped out. Or, you might discover there's another model you want even more over at Circuit City, so you go there instead.
This is women, and you. She likes you; she's interested in you. BUT, she thinks she's got plenty of time to make up her mind.
Meanwhile, you're neglecting meeting other women because you're
putting mental energy on trying to meet her. And then, like we talked
about in "How to Get Girls,"
along comes a guy who does everything right, and he manages to interrupt her daydreams about how great you and her will be together just long enough for the two of them to sleep together - and now suddenly she's his girl.
Time, my friend, is most certainly of the essence when it comes to women and dating, and girls in class are no exception.
But how can you convince a girl that she needs to stop deliberating and make a decision?
If you follow the steps above under "Defusing Extra-Cautious" and "Preventing Girls in Class Seeing Your 'Other Side,'" chances are you won't need to. You'll have done things right, have moved fast with her, and you already be lining up dates and taking it from there.
But what if you didn't? What if you did things wrong, slipped into the social circle position, and now you're stuck?
Well, unfortunately, your options for upping your scarcity are pretty limited in class. You can't:
Up and disappear - she'll still see you in the classroom, and you don't have her contact info to follow up with her later even if you do start skipping class
Just quit talking to her - she'll think you've gone into auto-rejection and that she hurt your feelings - in other words, that she holds emotional power over you, and you're more interested in her than she is in you. Not so good for attraction-building
Tell her you're scarce - women pay your words little mind; it's your actions they care for, and action-wise... you're still there
You won't always be able to do this. That's why you want to move fast and cement things with her as soon as you start a new class with a girl.
But sometimes you can swing this.
The tough news is, this is a very delicate balance, and you can just as easily cause a girl who likes you but wants to take her time with you to auto-reject as you can to begin pursuing you. You really need the right balance of just enough of a jealousy plotline that she becomes interested again and realizes you risk going off the market that she decides to make her choice.
How's this work? Well, first, before you run a jealousy plotline in class, always either:
Ask the girl you like out, or
At least try and make some headway talking with her
If she won't get into any good conversations with you, and/or you've tried asking her out and she pushed it off into some indeterminate time in the future, then it's time to get her excited in you again.
You do that by starting to talk to another girl, and getting her interested.
The good news is, if you have been talking to the first girl, the second girl's probably already interested. To her, you're already preselected - the first girl was your preselection. That means the second girl is likely to be warm to you right away.
Now, once you're talking to this second girl and flirting with her, you don't want to be obvious with the first girl. It isn't:
- Girl A ignores you
- You talk to Girl B immediately
- After some flirting with Girl B, you go back to Girl A
That's obvious, and it doesn't give her any time to stew. Instead:
Girl A ignores you
The next time you're in class, you sit near Girl B and talk to her
You do not talk to Girl A that entire class (even if you usually do)
Judge how many classes to take off from Girl A based on how cold she is to you - if very cold, take 3 or 4 classes off. If just a little bit, or she's playing hard to get, take 2 classes off.
After 2 to 4 classes off from talking to Girl A and instead talking to Girl B, sit near Girl A again and pick up where you left off, as if nothing had happened. At the end of your conversation, ask her out.
Now note: this doesn't always work. That's why you want to do things right the first time around and move fast so you aren't walking the tightrope later trying to hit the balance just right. However, there are a couple of benefits from this strategy:
- You let Girl A realize she actually liked you
- You get Girl B interested (and maybe even date her instead)
- ... it's a heck of a lot of fun, and a lot better than what most guys are doing (hoping and praying, essentially)
And, ideally, now you've got a date.
Girls in Class Wrap Up
The long and short of it -
The classroom is a difficult place to meet women usually, because:
- Most of your value's shown indirectly - not useful for sparking conversation
- Despite being in class together, there's often not a social context
- There's little time to talk before or after class, and often none during
- Classrooms are instant social circle environments
The difficulties of the instant social circle environment are:
- Girls become extra-cautious
- Girls see your other sides and value you more as a friend or boyfriend than lover
- Girls assume they've got plenty of time to decide if they want you or not
You can get around all of these by:
Talking to girls right away on the first day of class, making it socially acceptable to sit near them and talk to them in future classes before class and after class
Targeting personal, non-boring conversation to talk about with girls in class
Creating an "us-vs-them" air and/or giving her leverage over you to remove her fears of indiscretion
Asking her out quickly into beginning class with you, before she has time to see your "other sides" and begin thinking of you as a friend or potential boyfriend
Using preselection and jealousy to reignite interest and increase scarcity if you've taken too long or she assumes she has time to choose
And if you do these things, you'll be better equipped to meet girls in the classroom than almost every other guy in class with you (even the cool guys, popular guys, handsome guys, and jocks).
Heck, they might even start coming to you for advice... now wouldn't that be fun?
Happy school days,