Cute Girls in Class? Stop Flirting and Start DATING


Whether you're working your way through college or a master's program or you're taking adult education classes on the side in another language or a new skill you'd like to get down, you've probably run into girls in class you liked at some point or another.

Heck, maybe even in most of the classes you've taken you've run into a few!

girls in class

And if you have, you've probably also run into the scenario common to most guys who've had cute girls in their classes:

  1. Spot pretty girl in class
  2. Try and sit near pretty girl
  3. Try to make eye contact with her
  4. Maybe exchange a few words
  5. Try and work together with her, maybe on a project
  6. Try and impress her in class - telling jokes, say, or knowing all the answers
  7. Eventually it seems like maybe she likes you - but then nothing happens

You can easily spend one semester after another doing this, always feeling like girls like you, and never getting anywhere with them. And that's frustrating.

If you've ever sat there admiring some beautiful girl in class, then never made a move, you know what I'm talking about. She made class a lot more interesting and exciting to attend... but that was about it. Wouldn't it be great if you could actually meet these pretty girls in class and date them?

A lot of the advice out there centers on getting you flirting with girls in class... eye contact, teasing, and all that jazz. To me though, that's a big waste of time. ANYBODY can flirt with a girl in one of his classes... what we want to get you doing is asking them OUT.

So let's get you asking them out.


girls in class

You'd think it'd be easier to meet girls in class than somewhere random, like a street or a nightclub. Or than some alcohol-infused mish-mosh like an apartment party or dorm room shebang.

But if you're like most guys, it's the opposite. Classrooms are a lot harder to meet girls in than the alternative.

It's weird. There you are, and there she is... you see each other every day... you like her, she likes you. Easy, right?

Well... not exactly.

Similar to what we talked about with "regulars" in the article on gym pickup, girls in your class effectively function as "regulars" in that environment, too - they're slow-game social circle prospects that it's often difficult to move fast with.

But why?

There are several reasons:

  • Most of the value you show her during class you show her indirectly. She sees you impressively answering the teacher, for instance, or she laughs at one of your jokes you tell a classmate or the class; or she marvels at your sense of style, or impeccable posture, or attractive, resonant voice. Because it's indirect, it's harder for her to let you know she likes you - she can't well say she's impressed by your voice when you haven't been talking to her; she'll feel like she's chasing you.

  • Despite you being in the same class together, there often isn't a social context. In other words, you don't often have a good reason to speak to one another. Her heart might be throbbing for you, and yours for her, and you might even be an expert at talking to girls outside of class, but because there's no easy, readily-available situational reason for the two of you to start talking, you never do.

  • There's hardly any time to talk before or after class, and you can't talk during class. Before class, she isn't there, or you aren't there, or the two of you are sitting far apart. After class, everybody leaves. And during class, well... that's when the teacher's talking, not you. So again, you and the girls in class you like never talk.

  • Classrooms are instant social circle - which means she needs to be cautious. Because she'll see you again, and especially if you're in a small school and you and her are in a lot of the same classes and know a lot of the same people, you are most certainly not some random guy she can interact with with zero fear of the consequences. Being her secret lover is largely out; the classroom imposes immediate and nearly universal expectations of "friend" or "boyfriend," almost never "lover," which means you'll be stuck moving slowly (and often ineffectively)... and we'll discuss why below, and how you can try to counter this.

These things in conjunction all make classroom dating more difficult for the majority of men. Getting girls in class is an entirely different skill set - it's sort of like social circle, but not really. And it's completely different from picking up strangers in a bar or a bookstore. The things that work great in those scenarios often don't work at all in a classroom.

Fortunately, all the fundamentals you've been building (great posture, a sexy walk, a sexy voice, slow and dominant movements, eye contact, a sexy vibe, leading women, moving women, frame control, and all the rest) still apply, and still are important in attracting women in class as much as anywhere else.

But make no bones about it, classroom dating is a strange and unusual beast into and unto itself.


The Instant Social Circle

If you've read "9 Great Tips for Dating in College," you may have noticed I spent very little time on talking about class. That's for two reasons:

  1. Class is "luck of the draw." You might end up in a class filled with beauties, or you might end up in one filled with guys who like engineering, anime, and video games. Aside from selecting classes more likely to have attractive women in them, you have little control over whom you're going to get in your classes, and that's doubly true if you're in university taking required courses.

  2. That instant social circle deal we mentioned above. I'll go into this one more in-depth here.

The luck-of-the-draw element in classes can mess with your head if you aren't meeting new women more regularly on your own. I can remember classes in college where I'd start thinking some girl in one of my classes was really hot, just because she was the prettiest girl in class. I'd be having all these fantasies about her and what have you. Then I'd run into her outside of class and realize that, compared to all the other girls out and about, she was really nothing special.

Classrooms are dangerous like that. Suddenly you start highly valuing some girl that you really wouldn't value nearly as high outside that single classroom, and you act weird and do the wrong stuff.

What I really want to talk about here is the "instant social circle" problem. Social circle is a different approach to meeting women than cold approach, which is the main thing advocated here and what I suggest you do to liberate yourself from ever having any limitations on your dating life ever again. If you want to be free, you need to cold approach, plain and simple.

Many guys never will, because it's too intimidating, but once you get going on it and start racking up experience and it stops being scary and weird, it truly is freedom for your love life.

girls in class

Back to social circle. Sometimes, you can leverage social circle to get yourself a lot of fast lays with a lot of attractive women who might otherwise be difficult to get through your cold approaching.

For instance, Ricardus at one point had himself well-established in the social circle of some popular local music celebrities who'd always hang out in the VIP section of the nightclubs in town, and they'd always have a constant stream of new and beautiful women coming through. Ricardus, who was just some guy who was friends with the music stars, as far as the girls were concerned, would just hang out and pick up girls this way and had an easy time of it, because he was operating on the periphery of their social circles and just being a sexy guy they happened to run into for fast intimacy.

Most of the time though, unless you're doing things really right, social circle simply leads to:

  • Girls being extra-cautious (you're not anonymous, which means there's a much greater chance that whatever happens between her and you gets out to everyone she knows - and she absolutely must maintain discretion - and her reputation)

  • Girls coming to value you as potential friends or lovers - they see your "other sides" and suddenly it's next to impossible to see you as a one-dimensional sexy man who's only going to provide one thing to their lives and one thing only (lusty, raunchy physical intimacy)

  • The "I've got time" mentality - if you're some man she meets on the street, it can seem like a romantic, rushed encounter - she's got to decide: will she see you again, or not? Then, if you're not always completely available, she may fear losing you and never seeing you again - thus prompting her to pick up the pace if yes, in fact, she likes you. In social circle, women feel none of this urgency. And the more time they spend around you, the more secure they begin to feel that you are never going away... so they can take as loooong as they like to make up their minds.

Thus, you see the limitations here. And there are fewer places better at reassuring women you aren't going anywhere, at showing them your other (non-sexual) sides, and at reinforcing that they'd better move slow and be cautious with you than school.

In as restrictive an environment as the classroom is, what's a boy to do?


girls in class

Obviously then, if you want to get girls in class, you have to overcome the limitations of the classroom environment - namely:

  • Girls extra-cautious
  • Girls seeing your other sides and valuing you more highly
  • Girls feeling like they've got plenty of time with you

... and then you've got to step up to the plate and make some magic (and dates) happen.

Let's tackle extra-cautious first.


Defusing Extra-Cautious

Extra-cautious is the most intractable, at first glance, of these three problems to remove.

You can't very well just tell a girl that you're discreet... that doesn't work. You'll just be wasting your time. In fact, every way I've seen most guys try to do this reeks of desperation, or is a little on the clumsy side. So stay away from anything approximating, "Hey, don't worry... I don't kiss and tell!" Stay away too from the equally-clumsy, "Hey... you don't kiss and tell, do you?" She knows you don't care if she does.

You can tell her a story about how foolish it is that you friend was indiscreet about something, but it needs to be artfully and expertly woven into your conversation to not sound contrived - and you're in a classroom, there's not much chance to talk about anything, let alone artfully weave something in.

In fact, there's a better way to let a woman feel comfortable letting her guard down around you and trusting you to be discreet:

Give her some leverage over you.

That's right - tell her some secret she can use against you if it ever gets out.

Obviously, don't use something that's really going to wreck you if she does it, and don't do this with girls you think might possibly do something spiteful / mean / hurtful, and don't use something that's going to make you look like a dumb oaf to the girl.

Instead, use one like this:

You: Hey, what's your name?

Her: I'm Becky.

You: Hi Becky, I'm John.

Her: Hi John. How was your summer?

You: It was great - hey, Becky, can you hold onto my bag for a second? I've got food in here, we're not supposed to have it, just don't tell anyone. I have to run outside for a second and I don't want anyone going through my stuff and finding it. Call me paranoid.

Her: Okay...

You: Cool, I appreciate it. I'll be right back, thanks Becky.

You can do that before class begins, leave for a minute (go to the bathroom, get a drink of water, etc.), then come back, thank her, and tell her you'll give her a potato chip later (or whatever you've got in there).

Why's this work? As it turns out, it does a number of good things for you, all at once:

  • It creates an "us-vs-them" theme between the two of you
  • It communicates to her that you trust her
  • It communicates to her that you value discretion
  • It gets compliance from her right away and gets her investing
  • It gives her a piece of leverage over you (she knows you bring food to class, and could tell the teacher), which makes you far less likely to do something to hurt her than someone she holds no leverage over, and she knows this

And just like that, you've gone from being a total stranger to that quirky guy with food in his bag that she now has some modicum of a connection with.

She doesn't know anything about you yet, other than that you're a little imposing and you keep food in your satchel, but she's going to be a lot less cautious with you now than, say, that guy Timmy over on her right who keeps staring at her and trying to flirt with her.

And now, you're one down, two to go.


Preventing Girls in Class Seeing Your "Other Side"

girls in classOne of the big ones that kicks in once girls have been around you too long in class is them seeing your "other side;" that is, they realize that you're not just a sexual man filled with lust and passion, but that, hey! You're actually a pretty smart / funny / great guy!

At that point, you can kiss any hope of getting together with them quickly goodbye - and, most likely, any hope of getting together with them at all (see: "Attraction Has an Expiration Date").

So how do you circumvent this?

Easy - you get together with them before they've had a chance to see that other side.

That means, by the fourth time the class meets, you should already have asked a girl out if you like her. Once you wait too long, attraction expires, and you get slotted into just friends territory - no good. That's exactly where you don't want to be - it's like getting tossed into a deep, dark hole of non-seduction. No good ever comes of being her platonic guy friend and contenting yourself with hoping and dreaming while other men date her, breakup with her, and move onto other girls and she moves onto other guys.

Your process should look like this:

  • Day 1: introductions. If you can, defuse her cautiousness right when you meet her, although you can always do this on Day 2 once you've said "hi," too. Simply asking her how her summer or winter break was if you've never talked to her before is sufficient. Don't talk about the class; it'll kill you (it's a boring, dead-end topic, and she knows you don't care why she's taking the class or what she thinks about the teacher).

  • Day 2: the second class you see her in. Talk to her more (easier now that you've said "hi"), and if you haven't already defused her cautiousness, do it now by sharing something that will give her a little leverage over you and make her understand you're a guy who values discretion. You can be talking to her and tell her, "Hey, don't tell anyone, but..." if you can tie something related into your conversation. Or, just use the "food in my bag" example.

  • Day 3: talk some more; ask her out if things are going great, or wait until next time if you think she needs a little more warming up (usually this is when you'll want to go in for the kill, though).

  • Day 4: if you haven't asked her out by now, do it this day. Wait any longer than this and you're dead in the water; friend zone material. If you like her, grab your cajones and do it.

That's it. Fast. Not asking her out the first day - unless you're unbelievably suave, that's going to seem too abrupt for a social circle context like this. You also won't have had time to get into much of a discussion with her and screened her to any meaningful extent; it won't feel "right" that you're asking her out.

Once you've met her on the first day, it's very easy for you to sit next to her on subsequent days and go straight into talking to her. The two of you are classmates who are on a friendly basis now; there's no need for you to pretend to ignore her. Just sit near her and talk.

What should you talk about? The same things you would with women in any other situation. See:

... for some ideas.

You should absolutely not talk about:

  • The class
  • The teacher
  • The school
  • The school football team
  • Anything impersonal to her whatsoever

If her answers are going to be similar to the answers you'd get from anyone else (e.g., "Why are you taking this class?" "What do you think of the teacher?" "Do you think our football team has a good chance to win this year?"), do NOT ask that question. It's boring conversation fodder, and you'll sound like a boring conversationalist.

Be an interesting one. Get onto deep, meaty topics about her.

How to ask her out? Well, once you've had a few half-decent conversations, you can simply ask her:

“Tell you what, let's grab a bite sometime this week, outside of class.”

And then get a phone number from her.

And at this point, you only have one more consideration left.


What If She Thinks She Has Plenty of Time?

Any time someone is faced with having to make a choice, if given the option to delay that choice, most folks will take it.

Have to choose whether to buy that used BMW you were checking out for $10,000 or not? It's okay, you've got time. You'll make up your mind later.

But for the dealer, this is not so good. Now he's not sure whether to sell the BMW to the next guy who comes by, or to show him a different car, try and sell him that one, and hope you come back and take the BMW... or whether he should just sell the guy the BMW, thinking you won't come back, and hope he made the right decision and you don't come back looking for the BMW, find that it's gone, and then he's lost a sale.

Have to choose whether to buy that new Bose sound system at Best Buy or not, but you're not sure if it's what you want? It's fine, you can head home later and check out the ratings on Amazon.

But for Best Buy, chances are you never come back. If you want it, it might just be more convenient to purchase it on Amazon and have it shipped out. Or, you might discover there's another model you want even more over at Circuit City, so you go there instead.

This is women, and you. She likes you; she's interested in you. BUT, she thinks she's got plenty of time to make up her mind.

No rush.

Meanwhile, you're neglecting meeting other women because you're putting mental energy on trying to meet her. And then, like we talked about in "How to Get Girls,"
along comes a guy who does everything right, and he manages to interrupt her daydreams about how great you and her will be together just long enough for the two of them to sleep together - and now suddenly she's his girl.

Time, my friend, is most certainly of the essence when it comes to women and dating, and girls in class are no exception.

But how can you convince a girl that she needs to stop deliberating and make a decision?

If you follow the steps above under "Defusing Extra-Cautious" and "Preventing Girls in Class Seeing Your 'Other Side,'" chances are you won't need to. You'll have done things right, have moved fast with her, and you already be lining up dates and taking it from there.

But what if you didn't? What if you did things wrong, slipped into the social circle position, and now you're stuck?

Well, unfortunately, your options for upping your scarcity are pretty limited in class. You can't:

  • Up and disappear - she'll still see you in the classroom, and you don't have her contact info to follow up with her later even if you do start skipping class

  • Just quit talking to her - she'll think you've gone into auto-rejection and that she hurt your feelings - in other words, that she holds emotional power over you, and you're more interested in her than she is in you. Not so good for attraction-building

  • Tell her you're scarce - women pay your words little mind; it's your actions they care for, and action-wise... you're still there

That means it basically comes down to preselection and making her jealous.

You won't always be able to do this. That's why you want to move fast and cement things with her as soon as you start a new class with a girl.

But sometimes you can swing this.

The tough news is, this is a very delicate balance, and you can just as easily cause a girl who likes you but wants to take her time with you to auto-reject as you can to begin pursuing you. You really need the right balance of just enough of a jealousy plotline that she becomes interested again and realizes you risk going off the market that she decides to make her choice.

How's this work? Well, first, before you run a jealousy plotline in class, always either:

  • Ask the girl you like out, or

  • At least try and make some headway talking with her

If she won't get into any good conversations with you, and/or you've tried asking her out and she pushed it off into some indeterminate time in the future, then it's time to get her excited in you again.

You do that by starting to talk to another girl, and getting her interested.

The good news is, if you have been talking to the first girl, the second girl's probably already interested. To her, you're already preselected - the first girl was your preselection. That means the second girl is likely to be warm to you right away.

Now, once you're talking to this second girl and flirting with her, you don't want to be obvious with the first girl. It isn't:

  • Girl A ignores you
  • You talk to Girl B immediately
  • After some flirting with Girl B, you go back to Girl A

That's obvious, and it doesn't give her any time to stew. Instead:

  1. Girl A ignores you

  2. The next time you're in class, you sit near Girl B and talk to her

  3. You do not talk to Girl A that entire class (even if you usually do)

  4. Judge how many classes to take off from Girl A based on how cold she is to you - if very cold, take 3 or 4 classes off. If just a little bit, or she's playing hard to get, take 2 classes off.

  5. After 2 to 4 classes off from talking to Girl A and instead talking to Girl B, sit near Girl A again and pick up where you left off, as if nothing had happened. At the end of your conversation, ask her out.

Now note: this doesn't always work. That's why you want to do things right the first time around and move fast so you aren't walking the tightrope later trying to hit the balance just right. However, there are a couple of benefits from this strategy:

  • You let Girl A realize she actually liked you
  • You get Girl B interested (and maybe even date her instead)
  • ... it's a heck of a lot of fun, and a lot better than what most guys are doing (hoping and praying, essentially)

And, ideally, now you've got a date.

girls in class


Girls in Class Wrap Up

The long and short of it -

The classroom is a difficult place to meet women usually, because:

  • Most of your value's shown indirectly - not useful for sparking conversation
  • Despite being in class together, there's often not a social context
  • There's little time to talk before or after class, and often none during
  • Classrooms are instant social circle environments

The difficulties of the instant social circle environment are:

  • Girls become extra-cautious
  • Girls see your other sides and value you more as a friend or boyfriend than lover
  • Girls assume they've got plenty of time to decide if they want you or not

You can get around all of these by:

  1. Talking to girls right away on the first day of class, making it socially acceptable to sit near them and talk to them in future classes before class and after class

  2. Targeting personal, non-boring conversation to talk about with girls in class

  3. Creating an "us-vs-them" air and/or giving her leverage over you to remove her fears of indiscretion

  4. Asking her out quickly into beginning class with you, before she has time to see your "other sides" and begin thinking of you as a friend or potential boyfriend

  5. Using preselection and jealousy to reignite interest and increase scarcity if you've taken too long or she assumes she has time to choose

And if you do these things, you'll be better equipped to meet girls in the classroom than almost every other guy in class with you (even the cool guys, popular guys, handsome guys, and jocks).

Heck, they might even start coming to you for advice... now wouldn't that be fun?

Happy school days,
Chase Amante

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Comments

victory's picture

eye contacts


Can you make a post on eye contacts and facial expression in general. It seems that the facial expression you give can either substantiate your words or diminish the power of the words you say to a girl.

Chase Amante's picture

Facial Expression / Eye Contact Post

Author

Hey Victory,

Sure, I can put one in the works for that.

Meantime, here are a few worth reading if you haven't seen them yet:

Eye Contact:

Facial Expressions:

Nonverbals:

Cheers,
Chase

Curious George's picture

Great article, but when you


Great article, but when you say four day time period do you mean four days after talking to her or four days as soon as you start the class with all girls in the class ? And can you use this at work? Thanks chase!

Chase Amante's picture

Four Day Period

Author

Hi George,

Forgive the lack of clarity... what was intended was four classroom sessions.

So, if you have class on Tuesdays and Thursdays, the first Tuesday is Day 1, the first Thursday is Day 2, and so on and so forth.

As far as using this at work... some of it, certainly. Although some of it's very specific to a classroom environment. But the basic principles of it - establishing discretion, moving quickly, and creating a jealousy plotline in the event you've moved too slow or she's acting uninterested - absolutely apply.

Best,
Chase

Anonymous's picture

Great read, just to clarify


Great read, just to clarify there is no chance girls and your class would see you as a potential lover even though your teacher thinks your groovy and your value is great ex. (athlete and dominate) I find it that I am the mysterious guy who shows flashes of brilliance in class. In my school the semester will be ending soon is to late to ask girls out especially the cutie who sits next to you who you ask for a pen and has seen you talk flawlessly to girls outside of class in the hallways?

I usually don't ask questions but I love reading your blog!

Chase Amante's picture

Lover in Class

Author

Hey Anon,

It's possible, but you've REALLY got to be firing on all cylinders... classroom's a tough environment. If you're sufficiently high enough in value over a woman where she stops being able to really relate to you as a human being but still finds you desirable as a mate, you can hold "potential lover" status even in light of large amounts of value on display that ordinarily would get a man slotted into friend or boyfriend territory. So it IS possible, it's just relatively uncommon.

It's never really too late to ask girls out (especially if you're good... the rules are a lot less rigid when you're at a point where women find you very attractive), and in fact the end of the semester can be a great time to ask girls out - a lot of hooking up occurs at semester-end (primarily because discretion becomes less important - your classes together are over - and the potential for a man becoming a girl's long-term friend or boyfriend greatly diminishes at the end of the semester if he isn't already one of these things).

In other words, if you want to take the shot - then take the shot!

Cheers,
Chase

Will's picture

Too late?


Great post Chase, really nailed classroom pickup to a science here! However, I'm wondering, now that I'm finally determined to make a stand and stop being my shy, introverted self (who gets NO women), whether I have a chance with cute girls in my classes even though the school year has started and everyone's 'fixed' where they sit in class (so to speak).

Chase Amante's picture

Set Seats

Author

Hi Will,

Yes - that's another reason for needing to move expeditiously on this one - you can only change seats early into the semester before everyone settles in (unless you're in a REALLY big, forum-like classroom... e.g., 200+ students listening to a lecture).

Once you reach that point, you're almost stuck in the traditional old "catch her in the hallway" or on her way into or out of class approach, simply because logistically there's not really much else you can do.

There are other alternatives - like, throwing a party and inviting everyone in your class just to get them out of the classroom setting and meet them elsewhere - but there's a good chance she just doesn't come, even if she likes you... this one's only good if there are multiple girls in class you like and you're interested in socializing anyway (in case none of the girls show up; you don't want to go to the trouble of putting a party together and then having to host it feeling miserable if only the guys from your class arrive).

The best way to me is to take the "old friend" approach even if you've never talked to her before. The way it works is you wait until she's leaving, and then you leave at the same time, and casually ask her, "What'd you think of that test?" (or whatever), and then self-deprecate, "Yeah, I'm not hanging this one on the fridge in my room or anything, that's for sure," and talk a bit. Do that a few scattered times over a few different classes (e.g., not several classes right in a row; it feels weird for you to ignore her all semester and then suddenly fix in on her), and then grab contact info with a close on a high note when you're talking one of those days like, "Let's grab a bite or a drink before they end the semester. What's your exam schedule like?" Then find out her schedule, follow up with a, "Cool, maybe next Tuesday or Thursday once your exams are mostly over then; I'll text you, we can figure it out," and then grab her cell number.

Cheers,
Chase

Franco's picture

Thanksgiving


No article on how to pick up women on Thanksgiving, Chase? Bummer... ;)

If you'll excuse my joke, this is a great article for those who are still in school and looking to meet women. I honestly wish GirlsChase had existed while I was in school -- I feel like I would have been exponentially further along in my experience level with women.

With that being said: great article! And Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Cheers,
Franco

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Thanksgiving

Author

You know, I was thinking about whether I could put one up today on picking up in grocery stores or something to capture the holiday spirit, but I figured maybe I'd do something more cerebral today and think about a shopping post tomorrow in honor of Black Friday.

Plus, man... for some reason, it's really difficult to find pictures of women and turkeys!

Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving, Franco (and everyone else) - try not to get too stuffed ;)

Always,
Chase

Anonymous's picture

What do you think about


What do you think about dropping the "Hey, we should trade contact info so we can study for the next exam..." line to get a girl's number? Does that come across as needy/trying too hard to get build a connection? It's rather indirect (safe) and girls usually give you their number rather easily.

Chase Amante's picture

Study Buddies

Author

Hey Anon,

It's okay if she's REALLY shy... like, she's never had a boyfriend before kind-of-shy.

Otherwise, it's very obvious that the guy using it is trying to hide his intentions (e.g., he's playing "hide the banana," as discussed in the indirect game article) and it simply looks weak and unattractive. It might be easier to get her contact info this way, but you'll already be starting out from deep in the friend zone when you start studying with her and it'll be a long climb to get out.

Better just to be upfront with her and invite her to get some food / drinks with you.

Chase

M's picture

Opening and deep diving


Hey Chase,

Thanks for the great post – I’m a student and burst out laughing at your comparisons of classroom dating and cold approaches. I'm hoping you could clarify a bit on the above topics:

(1) Opening: I know guys who can say a few words to the girl next to them in class, and then right away she's laughing and touching him and saying, "I know, right?" I think they're making some observation (about something in the lecture or the professor) that's on her mind at that moment, but I've never known how they do it so consistently. Any way you could write a post on how to observe something funny in any situation (which would make this opening, and a lot of other things, easy)?

(2) Deep diving: During those first 4 classes, would you recommend deep diving on lighter stuff that she usually talks about with friends – things going on in her personal life right now, or gossip about other students in the class, for instance?

I have the impression that she would much rather talk about those things at first than her hometown, future career, siblings, or extracurriculars. The reason is that hometown, future career, etc. are extremely common topics among students (even mild acquaintances, not just friends), so she immediately goes into autopilot (and it’s pretty hard to break out of since she’s talked about essentially all variations of those subjects with random student acquaintances and curious “adults”), and the whole thing becomes rather impersonal and unnatural (and short).

Of course, this has the danger of the guy ending up becoming her girlfriend, but flirting, sexy non-verbals, and asking her out quickly should take care of that. Let me know if I’m heading in the wrong direction.

Best,
M

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Opening and deep diving

Author

Howdy M,

On opening - sure. Although, that's mainly like anything - just takes practice.

But I'll get a post up on it.

On the deep diving: what you're going for is DEPTH, rather than the surface layer of the topic herself. I'd go for major => dive down to what she's going to do with that => then either where she imagines herself with that in 10 years OR if she always wanted to be that (e.g., what did you want to be when you were a little girl... why did you change your mind and go into this far less exciting career... do you think you'll ever go back and do that).

Remember with deep diving, as soon as you get into a really substantial conversation, you've got to try and close then. Get her number, because now the clock's ticking on attraction.

Here's why you never want to talk about light stuff: it puts you in the same boring box as everybody else in her life.

Imagine James Bond, standing there talking to some woman he's just met, saying, "So what do you and your friends do when you hang out on the weekends?" or, "Hey, did you hear about Katie and Nick? Crazy, right?"

Doesn't work. Leave that stuff to her girlfriends (and platonic guy pals who keep thinking they're "closing in on her") and you just worry about opening her eyes and making her say, "Wow." It'll get you what you want a lot more effectively than trying to slide under the radar platonically... which almost never works (women just don't respect it - they respect guys being straight with them far, far more - so be that).

Cheers,
Chase

Anonymous's picture

Ok..so here's a funny thing that happened..


Hey Chase,

Your writings are a gold mine and I mean it!

Ok so here's a funny thing that happened..

There is this low key "smart girl" in my class and I thought she liked my intellect..which I like to think is my forte.. so I say let's get together sometime after class "to talk" and she says yeah sure!

The next morning I'm a little surprised to see an early morning text from her like "when do you want to meet up?" and I decide to give it a shot and say..well I was thinking my place cause it's more comfy and I've got chips! OR we could meet somewhere in the middle so both of us have to walk less..and she says "Your place sounds good..I'll be there in 20..and I'm like "whoa"..

So I clean up..she shows up..and then I figure since she probably got impressed with the intellect..let's do that again..and so I do that for the next 2 hours..she goes to the loo comes back and starts talking about spontaneity or something..I figure this may as well be a moment as any and say "speaking of spontaneity.." and reach for the kiss.. but she backs off and says "hehe..no..we are friends! remember..no actually I have a boyfriend" (not that I actually didn't know that) so I make this funny whiney face..and the conversation continues comfortably forward.. we walk back to class together and all is good except..

A) Was she really there "just" for conversation..?
B) Did I mess up and she subliminally wanted more but I went Dr. Phil on her?

Best,
S

Chase Amante's picture

Spontaneity

Author

Hi Anon,

I can't tell what she was like when she arrived at your place from your description here, so it's difficult to say. My gut is that she probably was hoping something would happen right away, but too much time passed and it killer her enthusiasm.

I'd be very surprised if she was "just" there for conversation. I don't know any women who just go over to a man's place alone for pure conversation. And her reaction to your kiss attempt doesn't sound like the shocked reaction of a girl who really thought that the two of you were "just friends"... it sounds like she was expecting it.

Could also have been that she's playing a game / sort of likes you and wants to keep you on the hook as a backup plan. Again, hard to read, but it's one of those most likely (she liked you and wanted something to happen; she's playing a game; she wanted you on the roster as a backup player).

Cheers,
Chase

Anonymous's picture

Does getting a girl to study


Does getting a girl to study with you count as getting her to hang out? Or do you have to turn it into a "date" by saying hey lets go
after some studying?

Anonymous's picture

Re: Does getting a girl to study


The date is not important.. moving her to be alone with you is important. So if you get her to be alone with you in a room (or car) studying, then you simply need to get close to her and get "distracted".

Just make sure you don't meet her up at a coffee shop and study in the actual place. Get her alone by suggesting you two relax in your car with some music (or just take off to the car without saying anything, she'll follow).

The goal is to find a place to get things romantic essentially.

mizraw66's picture

what to do next


I have a crush on this girl I sit next to in class. She is sexy and really wouldn't mind dating her. But here the problem. We have small talk every class about the school work for a couple of weeks and in one class I asked her if she could be my study buddy ( stupid I know) she kindly says ok and took my number but I didn't get her. She never called or text me and 8 weeks past. My question is what should I do to have a chance with this girl I felt like I screwed up my opportunity by hiding behind the banana. Should I just leave it alone and leave from my mistake or just come out direct and tell her how I really feel

Moneymatter

Anonymous's picture

sitting around girls


first off, I want to say that this is a great website & blog you have here Chase; the articles I've read here have greatly helped me in my quest to become a better seducer.

my reason for posting a question is about how to sit around girls; I've read elsewhere that as an alpha male, you want to sit down with your legs and feet basically at hip or shoulder width apart, and that you want to take up as much comfortable space as you possibly can, as well as be comfortable with resting your hands near your crotch/belt-buckle. but say you're sitting at a table or counter-top, and you have your arms up on it. should you keep your hands and elbows shoulder-width apart and not touching/crossing, or is it o.k. to have them touching/crossed overtop one another or forming a little "enclosed" area in front of you, or does this send negative subliminals to girls? also, is it good to hold your head up in this scenario of sitting at a table/countertop by resting your chin on your hand, and if there's a specific way to do this, what would it be?

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