Conversational Technique: Tips and Tidbits
A big thing for me lately is calibrating my conversation. Conversation to me these days is mostly about getting the girl talking, and mostly about getting her talking about her dreams, her relationship history, her childhood, and qualifying herself.
I’m far more aware now of when we’re embarking on a boring topic or a logical topic and am getting good at shifting off of it almost instantly. This has been bringing a lot more bang to my conversations and making girls open up and feel deeply connected to me much more rapidly. I’ve never had girls falling for me as fast as they’ve been falling for me recently.
It seems like there are certain key conversational foci that are making the big differences lately. As far as I can tell, they are:
Keep the conversation on the girl. It’s amazing how little you have to say about yourself… you can tell her what feels like almost nothing and have her open her heart up and tell you just about everything about herself. End result, of course, is that she feels much more connected to you than you do to her, but that’s how it goes...
Don't talk too much. Goes hand-in-hand with keeping the focus of the conversation on her. Reveal little about yourself; just enough to intrigue her and hint at the depth and color of your character, but not enough to blow her out with huge value displays or bragging about expensive things or loads of girlfriends or too many amazing adventures, etc. Note this doesn't mean actively withhold information in a lame attempt to seem mysterious; this means don't be overly forthcoming, more in a strong, silent kind of way than a "you-can't-get-it-out-of-me" way. Remember, it's a conversation, not a competition!
Keep the conversation on the emotional level. Talking about the weather, or the logical / factual parts of her job, or things like that, are pointless topics that fail to move a connection forward. What moves a connection forward are the things that a woman FEELS strongly about – her dreams, her relationships, emotional things about her life or people she lives or works with or things she loves to do, and occasional stories by you that allow her to see how you embody the kind of things she is looking for emotionally (adventure, security, romance, edginess, whatever it may be).
Do a little cold reading. After she’s told you a ton about herself, this is easy to do. You basically take what she’s told you and summarize it back to her. For instance, she tells you she likes travel and sports, and you tell her later on when you guys are talking about personality or characteristics or whatever that you know she loves adventure and excitement and trying new things, and that doing the same thing over and over is boring to her and she needs new stimulation. Then watch how stunned she looks that you already know her better than just about anyone else in her life. Obviously, this requires actually paying attention to what she's saying...
Get her to qualify herself. The main way I seem to be doing this these days is by making statements like, “I really like XYZ,” and the girl responds by saying she likes it a lot too. I’m also noticing that in almost every conversation now there will come a moment where a girl will say she doesn’t like something, and I will say, “Actually, I think it’s kind of cool,” and she will turn around and retract her earlier dismissal and say something like, “Yeah, sometimes it can be, I don’t mean it’s ALWAYS a bad thing...” At that point I’ll just cut her off so she’s not floundering around and just give her a verbal reward like, “Way cool,” or, “Definitely,” accompanied with a warm smile and perhaps a light stroke of her back or arm, then change the topic.
Start applying these things to your conversational game, and you'll start seeing the dividends being paid. By shifting the focus onto her, you actually make seducing girls EASIER on yourself -- you do less talking, less calculating, less WORK. And the girls, because they're working harder to keep YOU engaged, become much more invested much more quickly.
And that's what this is all about. Making it easier to find and attract and make connections with the women you like.
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