Tactics Tuesdays: Conversations Where the Girl Doesn't Talk Much | Girls Chase

Tactics Tuesdays: Conversations Where the Girl Doesn't Talk Much

Chase Amante

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girl doesn't talk much
Sometimes you’ll meet girls who won’t contribute to conversation. When this happens, you’ll have to step up and do the talking yourself.

One of our forum members by the name of Witcher had a few questions about deep diving, one of which was this:

Deep diving demand[s] from the seducer to ask girls a lot of questions, How to not make It look like an interview or audition? This is the impression I have doing it and It feels a little weird.

Of course, one of the keys to deep diving is that you not make it feel like an interview... which means past a certain number of questions, if she hasn’t begun to participate much yet, you need to turn your questions into statements. You can do this with cold reads (instead of: “What do you do for work?”, make it: “You look like either an anthropologist or an entrepreneur, I’m not sure which”). And beyond this, if she doesn’t get more involved, you will need to start to tell stories and otherwise steer the conversation with your own content.

The better your fundamentals, the faster you hook girls in... and the more likely you are to end up in conversations where girls pelt you with questions and/or open up about themselves from the get-go. Yet even if your fundamentals are in a class of their own, you will still encounter women who seem, for lack of a better term for it, ‘conversationally impaired’.

Could be she isn’t interested. Could be she’s not in a social mood. Could be she’s just a quiet person and not particularly talkative.

But if you find yourself in such a conversation, with a girl who sticks around and passes your compliance tests (so you know you’re not wasting your time on a disinterested girl), yet nevertheless doesn’t contribute, you will need another approach.

You’ll need to be able to run the conversation when the girl’s contribution is all or mostly absent.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.

GET CHASE’S MASTERY PACKAGE

Comments

Kaelos's picture

What are you favorite compliance tests in these situations so you know you’re not wasting your time on a disinterested girl?

Hum's picture

Not chase, but I don't see why you need to differentiate. If they are complying to your requests then just pretend they know how to carry on a conversation and use the same approaches you would for a non-vegetable girl.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Kaelos-

Yes, like Hum notes. Nothing special needed here. The same stuff you'd ordinarily use works just as fine with less talkative girls as more.

So, you know, ask her to see an accessory... get close proximity with her and see how she responds... escalate up through your touch ladder (smaller/lighter touch on up to heavier/more intimate touch)... move her... sit with her... etc.

I do particularly like using lots of heavy proximity with girls who are not talkative. Get very close to them, stare into their eyes, and grin at them. Whether she breaks eye contact to the site / rolls her eyes, or she looks down in a shy way, tells you a lot. Whether she adjusts her body language to show comfort or excitement, or she moves away or closes off, will tell you a lot too. It's easier to do when she isn't talking much too, since you're not interrupting anything else she's saying or doing to do it.

Chase

Mario's picture

Im sorry mr Chase , but PLEASE can you do another article on LOOKS and how to stop comparing yours to other guys . Thanks

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Mario-

I will add it to the queue. But may need someone else to write it, since this is not an issue I have dealt with firsthand... I have 'looks blindness' I guess you'd call it with men (I am not able to tell good-looking men from men who are not good-looking).

However, I do plan to do an article on facial resemblance at some point. I think that will blow a lot of guys' out of the water on how they think about looks. Basically, what I have found over the years (and there are reams of research to back this up) is that people have very different opinions on whom they consider "good-looking" or not. And this mainly comes down to a mixture of flash plus what their own faces / their family members' faces look like.

If you leave flash aside (hair, clothes, sexiness, mannerisms, etc.) and only look at facial features, you will start to notice powerful, confident men with women you consider plain or ugly. And at first you will say to yourself, "This man could have any woman he wants. Why would he choose THIS ugly woman?"

Then you will look closer, and realize that this girl and guy have the same chin, the same nose, the same eyes. He's chosen a woman who looks very much like him. And you will realize that to him, this girl is probably more beautiful than any girl YOU consider beautiful. (you can also talk to your friends about this. Often the girls they think are most beautiful look like them. And the girls you think are most beautiful they will not find most beautiful... and you will notice that these girls you think are most beautiful in fact have a lot of facial similarity with yourself / your family members)

Pay attention to this as you read about people and see pictures of men with their girlfriends/wives. You begin to notice it everywhere. Blows up some of the traditional thinking about "good looking" / "not good looking" to an extent.

Chase

Lawliet's picture

Hey Chase,

Marios comment reminded me of an incident I had.
And yes this comment may contradict your "Looks don't matter" and your " I can't get girls because of BLANK"
But I'm not advocating looks are the only way to girls pussy, they do have an effect as you'll read in the following.

I remember being out with my friends at a coffee shop and then one of the girl barista walked over to us and said one of my friends is pretty cute. And...she already had a boyfriend.

That's interesting as it shows
1. Girls with boyfriends are not blind
2. If we are attractive enough, girls may potentially approach us (related to your previous article "Waiting to get approached by girls"

I'm trying to max out my fundamentals.
But god damn... how good looks can really have an advantage despite lack of dressing well and doing hair.
The guy looks good even with messy hair and just a t shirt on.
And he's skinny and tall, not even muscular or whatever guys boost (compared to the barista's boyfriend who is built)

If I had that looks, that'll make life easier :) hands down.

Anyway, Have you had girls walk up to you and say such things?
I haven't, and to be blunt, I admit I am a little jealous ;)

Lawliet

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Lawliet-

I never said looks don't matter ;) I said "looks aren't ALL that matters"! Big difference.

My position is "everything matters... though in different amounts to different women in different situations, and different things matter differently in proportion to one another, too."

Looks encompass a wide range of elements. Facial features (which I assume you mean here) are part of it. Different facial features appeal to different girls. Some have wider appeal. But messy hair and t-shirts aren't necessarily unattractive either. They can boost attainability. I noticed early on women were much more aggressive with me when I dressed poorly than when I dressed well - the only reason I could come up with was that I was more attainable when dressed down. Girls felt less intimidated to walk up to me and express interest.

(also, yes, girls with boyfriends do not stop finding other men cute)

I've had women approach me to tell me I'm cute or handsome sometimes. Rarely is it very beautiful girls; it's usually somewhat-cute ones or women who are older. Only happens when I am not in 'active mode'; e.g., not looking to meet or talk to anyone. Usually it's when I am being social in some way, but not pursuing women - e.g., having a good chat with friends and otherwise looking social and attractive.

I had a good-looking natural friend (who had some of the best game of any guy I've known, in addition to general good-looks) who used to get lots of girls telling him he was handsome. Seemed to work the same for him: be out somewhere in public, be joking around, laughing, having a good time, generally seem very cool, very in control, laid back, and attainable. Girls observing you will feel comfortable about approaching you ("That guy is fun and sociable") and will look for something they can say to get your attnetion in a "I am romantically interested" sort of way.

I've seen this happen with guys who were generally not considered "cute" too. First time it happened I was in college, out with a friend who usually only had sex with fat girls or ugly girls. We were chatting and laughing and having a good time, and suddenly some pretty girl stopped by, leaned into the two of us, looked at me, and said, "Your friend is pretty cute." Then kept moving. My buddy seemed pleasantly surprised, and all I could do was scratch my head. But I've seen this enough now that I just ascribe it to the "social guys halo effect." I've used it as a technique sometimes too - if I'm not in a mood to approach, but want cute girls around me, I'll go to some crowded bar with a cool friend and we'll get into a lively chat, and after a while pretty girls will appear around us. Sometimes they'll start bumping into us or they'll interrupt us to ask things, etc. It's not super super useful (can't use this to meet 10 new girls in a night), but it's fun to play with.

Chase

Lawliet's picture

Thanks for writing this, I think it answers my comment previously :)
if my comment was the innovation, I'm honored! Thank you!
Hopefully will get to your level eventually, Chase, you are my model!

Re: Weird things
Idk, but lately I've noticed some weird things lately from girls...

Like on the bus, when they would look at me as they gave onto the nearby bus pole for balance.
Looks away, walks to the next pole and then walk back? to the pole near where I was sitting?

Or when they would be near me, not facing me or anything, and then start fluffing their hair and it literally gets into my face... How rude, right? ;D

But yeah, a lot of silly things happen. I dunno if it's coincidence or approach invitations but let's see.

Anyway, I initially took some of these (ex. rude hair in my face) as approach invitations so I say hi.

I can't remember all of them but I don't remember anything "warm and open and totally hooked" reactions from beginning.. They would just

Her: Hi
Her: Puts her headphones back in

Me: ... (wow...ok then).

Ok maybe that example is too lame.
There was time I went into anything fun or accomplishing today?
Or simply "How's your day going?" for those who give approach invitations.

Strangely as I think it's approach invitation, their replies are not terse, but they would look away after replying as if it's the end of the conversation. Like, they're not hooked? But then why approach invitation then?

So it makes me doubt, maybe all the hair flicking in my face was a "Hey smell my new shampoo K bye! or hey get some lice from me buddy!" or maybe it was a signal for someone else she was looking at (remember they didn't look at me as they fluff the hair, it just goes in my face) while she was doing her hair thing?
Or maybe that was coincidence then?

Or lastly, Maybe the hair thing in my face and also silly behaviours that seem out of place are just coincidental and I'm just thinking too much into it... after all, it's not like I did much new things to my fundamentals lately, I actually think I went backwards because I'm leaving my facial hair wild for now so it grows out enough before I shave or trim.

But hey, I'm not them, so I dunno what they're thinking, but you have the experience and can probably give me the answer key... or even the solution ;)

Am I on the right track it's AI or just thinking too ? I do find myself thinking many are giving me AI when I'm just wearing my usual look, not anything particular...

Lawliet

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Lawliet-

Often those will be approach invitations, yes. You should always treat them as such, if you're interested in the girl - better a false positive than a false negative.

However, they can be false positives. Specifically in these instances:

  • She's just adjusting herself. Girls actually do just adjust themselves in general, without seeing a guy

  • She's putting out an undirected approach invitation. Girls will put out general/undirected invitations and wait to see who bites. They may not always be open to the guys who pick up on their signals, though

  • She's put out a signal targeted at someone else, but you picked up on it and thought it was for you

Anyway, you should still assume it's meant for you, and go in. And also assume that just because she's signaled you doesn't mean she'll be warm right out of the gate. Plenty of girls even if they're interested may be cool to you immediately after your open, just because they aren't socially warmed up. She sees you, thinks, "Oh, he's cute; better signal," but when you open and she isn't warmed up she's still left there to think, "OMG, I have no idea what to say. What should I say? I don't know! Okay, I just want to hide now. Quick, earbuds back in!" That doesn't mean she isn't interested though. I have bedded women who were cold to my initial opener; one of my long-term girlfriends was cold/dismissive to my opener, but heated up fast after I'd talked to her for a minute or so.

In general you want to be able to drive conversation for a bit after the opener. Easiest way to do this is with genuine compliments; open her, compliment, trade names. e.g.,

Her: [brushes her hair back and hits you in the face]

You: [get her eye contact, smile, wave] Hi.

Her: Hi. [moves to put her earphones in]

You: Your hair is absolutely lovely. I love how it flows. Just a beautiful, luxurious wave. I'm Lawliet.

Her: I'm Shari.

You: Shari. What an elegant name. Far too elegant for this grubby bus. Where are you headed to?

Her: I'm going to Hedelberg Station.

You: Ah. There are some delightful little cafés in Hedelberg. Max's Living Room - have you been there?

Her: No, is it nice?

You: Oh, it's wonderful. It has this warm, eveloping ambiance. Cozy wooden tables and chairs. Here - sit, there a seat for you here [pat the seat next to you; she sits]. The hot chocolate there is some of the best in Hedelberg. Do you drink hot chocolate?

Her: Sometimes!

You: I'll take you. They have the best little pastries, too - all kinds of delicious confections. What are you doing in Hedelberg?

Her: Oh, I have to blah blah

If there isn't a seat next to you, you just have her come stand closer or switch to another bar to hold onto ("Switch to this bar, it's in a more comfortable position" - doesn't matter if there's no difference, you just want her following your lead and investing a bit).

If she doesn't bite, no biggy. But either way, a little conversation and a little complimenting right at the start is a good habit to get into. Even if a girl isn't interested, a cool, sociable guy who pays her a genuine compliment (i.e., not a generic one) will be a highlight of her day. And if she is interested, this guy can be the one who breaks her out of her shell and gets her talking and complying.

Chase

SZ's picture

1. "Power is why gorgeous men who are shy cannot get sex, dates, or girlfriends."

This is what i need help with. This is my exact problem what can I do to fix this?

2. "Power is why broke and unconfident men cannot get sex, dates, or girlfriends."

I need help with this too, how broke is broke? I thought we aren't supposed to show that were a provider ? How much money do I have to have to not be broke? I'm unconfident as well, I need help with that.

3. What can I do right now to give me all of the power that girls like? Well, I mean work on and achieve, how can I work on and achieve the power women want from men?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

SZ-

Read these articles:

Should help give you a better outlook on power (your #s 1 and 3 questions).

2. "Power is why broke and unconfident men cannot get sex, dates, or girlfriends."

I need help with this too, how broke is broke? I thought we aren't supposed to show that were a provider ? How much money do I have to have to not be broke? I'm unconfident as well, I need help with that.

I did not say there was anything wrong with being broke. I said broke and unconfident.

Broke and confident is fine. Broke and unconfident isn't.

Chase

Anonymous 's picture

I'm going through a tough time Chase, please read this, and help me with this. I know you will give me life changing advice. I know you can't guarantee me anything, but I know you can point me into the right direction.

So right now I'm broke and bills are flying to me left and right. I don't have money to pay for them and I'm trying to figure out how I can pay all of them off.

With this happening, I have been complaining a lot, I need to stop this, but having this happened made me realize, I never want to be broke, never. I always want to have money, I always want to be financially stable, and I want to help all of my family out with my money and kindness, I want to be able to take care of us.

I had a dentist tell me that I had to pay 1000 to get something done, I did not have it and I still don't, I never want that feeling of not being able to have money that i need.

I have always had low paying part time jobs, never full time ever because I could never get hired, so I could never afford anything , I also could never get a car because of this. Its been like this for a while, so I am kinda in a giving up phase.

**My biggest problem is my math disability, that is my biggest problem and what scares me the most about my future.**

I have always known that in order to make a good amount of money, you have to be at least decent at math; I am at an elementary level, dispite having many tutors that were paid for, staying after school with teachers, getting more tutors, etc.

I was always getting embarrassed about my math disability, by teachers and students, I have anxiety about it til this day.

I got so lucky to be where I am with my education dispite this.

My whole life I have been completely horrible and have gotten lucky to be where I am, I am almost done with college.

I have had tutors, I tried learning my self, I even took remedial courses in college. I was diagnosed with a math disability and all if my life have been struggling with it immensely.

This right here is what fears me the most, I fear because of my math disability that I won't be able to make enough money to live off of comfortably, I don't want to be like people who are struggling to make it by, I want to live comfortably.

I read your articles and posts about not picking a useless major and to pick stem. I actually tried again with beginner math and failed it twice, as embarrassing it is to say, I have to let you know that I tried to do the whole stem thing, I can't even get close to it, lucky for me I was able to continue my education and will be finishing soon. It probably won't be a stem degree or a degree you think will get me a good job, but I am finishing what I started and will continue to succeed.

I would love to be able to pick a stem major, or accounting, or finance, etc.

I would love to understand it, but I don't no matter all of the years I have tried.

I had to ask you question and I feel they would help me greatly.

My questions to you would be

1) How can I get the confidence that I can succeed in life?

I ask this because I know you lost your job and probably had no idea if you were going to succeed or not, if I remember correctly, I think you were nervous about not being able to pay bills.

But you didn't go back to a job and found a way to be successful with your business.

I need to know how you had the confidence to succeed dispite what happened to you, how did you get the confidence to be where you are now?

You didn't give up and go to another job, you hustled and made your own life.

I need that confidence because I don't feel like I can do that right now, I think so negatively about myself and compare myself to all of the other people who want to start their own business or want to be successful. I feel how can I do it, if many people can't?

How can someone like me with a math disability succeed?

I see so many people who are struggling and I don't want to at all.

I need to know how I can get the confidence and drive to fight and Succeed.

2) my second question is about my math disability, this is my fear. I want to be able to live a nice life and make nice money, but this disability makes me feel that I won't.

I will be getting my degree, it will most likely be English because it's the only thing I'm good at and i'm almost done with it. After that I will continue with another plan.

What would you suggest I do after I get my degree to help me secure a comfortably life?

I was thinking about trade school, but I heard that you have to start low paying jobs for 5 years and that would be too much time for me to make decent money.

Then I could start my own business, I just lack confidence because of my math background.

I also plan to learn programming and copywriting, even tho I feel you need to be decent at math for it.

**To summarize this question, how can I be successful and be able to make money if I have a math disability?**

It's a horrible feeling, you think you'll be below average because of a math disability; I look at living a cheap life because I feel I won't get a career where I can make good money to afford anything, I'm depressed about this, I studied my ass off and couldn't do it, I don't want to have low paying jobs, I want to succeed dispite this.

I want nice cars, I want a nice house, I want a lot of money, I want to sleep with a lot of beautiful women, I will work hard for all of this.

Thank you so much Chase, I appreciate it so much.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

I'm kind of a stubborn blockhead. I think you might benefit from some of that. If I cannot get something to work, I will find a way to make it work. If I am trying to learn something and having a hard time of it, and I NEED to learn it (i.e., I can't just discard it and focus on something else), I will go back to the very basics and go through it step by step until I get it.

If I was you, I would get an iPad and get a very fun math learning program like Splash Math. And I would spend 30 minutes a day going through it. This is designed for children and designed to be simple and intuitive, and it's built as a game with rewards / etc. If you already have an Android tablet there are probably math games like that too. Get a tablet, find a FUN math game, and spend 30 minutes a day on it, every day. Go up in levels. You can learn ANYTHING with 30 minutes a day. It doesn't matter if it takes you 10x as long to learn as someone else. If you work on it daily, in a few years you can be farther ahead than most of your peers, simply because most people do NOT work on it daily (most people don't have anything they work on daily. But skills are built through repetition, practice, and consistency).

Confidence is built on the back of skills and experiences. Once you have overcome one issue that felt insurmountable, the next one will feel easier. "I've done this before," you'll say. "I've beaten things I didn't think I can beat. I don't know if I can do it again, but I'll try." Then you do it again. And then the third obstacle like this seems even more beatable. Then the fourth seems yet MORE beatable.

After a while your problem is no longer lack of confidence, but overconfidence - you must be on guard not to fall prey to hubris, that ender of so many of history's most successful men, both fictional and factual.

Programming and copywriting, yes, good. Again, as with math, it's about daily application. The folks who work hard and apply themselves daily get ahead. The folks who don't, don't.

Success is simple in that way. A large part of it is about "Do you work on this every day, eat, sleep, and breathe it... or do you not?"

Most people don't. For whatever reason. They may be content with simpler lives, or financial success/freedom is not a large concern of theirs. Maybe they'd like it, but they're not motivated enough to put in the work.

I used to think of myself as someone who lagged behind my peers in a variety of ways. And I used this to justify the need to work on skills daily and always be increasing my abilities a little bit at a time, a little bit at a time. "I may suck and be far behind now," I would say, "but some day I will be far ahead of everyone else, and then I'll laugh! Because I'll know all these people used to be far ahead of me, and SHOULD be far ahead of me, and the only reason they're not was because they slacked off once they had the lead, while I kept chipping away."

It's the old Aesop's fable about the tortoise and the hare. Most people get confident they're doing okay in life and stop for a nap off the side of the race track. But if you keep plodding along, plodding along, getting better with every step, eventually you will pass all the folks content with their progress who stepped off the track.

But yeah. Start with apps. There are enough things out there designed to make learning complicated things fun these days. Might as well take full advantage of them and enjoy the heck out of learning to be good at things that used to kick your ass.

Chase

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