How to Have a Powerful Masculine Presence | Girls Chase

How to Have a Powerful Masculine Presence

presenceCruzer, a Girls Chase reader, comment on the article on entitlement asking:

Great article, but I want to ask you something that varies from the topic.

How does one have presence?

There are some people who walk in a room and are able to instantly command attention, even though they may not be the best look person in the room......so how do I do that?

Cruzer (and our other reader “John W.”) bring up a very important aspect of charisma and dominance: presence.

You know that feeling. That moment when a man walks into a room and everyone seems to stop for a minute and take notice. The women wonder who he is and why he has such a commanding energy. The men wonder whether he’s chill or an asshole and why this man seems to be so sure of himself.

Presence is that special character trait that very few men possess. And it is, in my opinion, one of the most difficult characteristics to develop. As I alluded to in my brief response to Cruzer, it is a combination of advanced mindsets and basic fundamentals. And something else as well.

Today I want to talk about presence; about how to develop that powerful and magnetic force that compels people toward you and forces them to take notice. Let’s go…

Colt WilliamsAbout the Author: Colt Williams

Raised in the American Midwest, Colt Williams made a name for himself in dating with a style based on soulful poetic seductions and playful dance floor antics. His style is all about inspiring girls and drawing them into one’s world. You can book phone coaching with him here, or get a copy of his guide to getting laid on Tinder, the product of months of study and experimentation by him on the medium.

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Anonymous's picture

Lets just say a guy with a lot of value tries to hook up with a girl who is inexperienced in relationships, and doesnt have as much value as the guy. Would his presence make her uncomfortable and think he is out of her league? Would it be good to get on the same level with that girl and build rapport?

Pablo's picture

Sup Anon,

If a guy has a lot of value and the girl doesn't have as much value as the guy, his attainability is low, having a low attainability can make a girl go cold on you because she might be angry that she can't get you or think you are out of her league.

His presence indeed could make her uncomfortable and make her think he is out of her league. How you solve this problem: Up your attainability. You can do this by screening her (like ask her if she cooks and if she says yes, say you love women who cook) and making sure she knows you like her. You can do this by just saying it to her or give her extra attention non verbally (looking deep into her eyes, touching her, lean in a little more if you talk to her and so on.) Check out Chase's book How to make girls chase, It has a chapter on tips and techniques how to up/lower your attainability.

Getting on the same level with a girl is always a good thing to do because that will make her feel like she can relate to you and that you or on the same page. But you don't need to lower your value if you're not extremely good with women (yet). The best thing to do is just up your attainability (making sure she knows that she maybe has a shot with you). Just be carefull that you aren't TOO attainable, stay a challenge and find balance in attainability.

Hope I helped and good luck.

- Pablo

Author
Colt Williams's picture

Anon,

Pablo definitely brings up some good points. And it's not that the girl wants to be angry, but she feels like she's *not good enough* for you if you present yourself as a man with significantly more value than her. No one wants to be around someone who is significantly better than them in every way, *unless* that person is very relatable.

Essentially, women are very good at being mirrors. So the more down-to-earth and relatable you are, the easy she will find it to mirror you, and the more powerful of a connection the two of you will have.

So pay attention to your attainability, and try to focus on inspiring *her*. Don't say too much about yourself when not necessary, and deep dive her to find out what makes her tick, what her dreams are, and how she can see you as a person who will bring her to learn things about herself that she doesn't share with people for fear of being judged.

Having too much value is a good problem to have, and if you just shift the focus to the other person and relating to them so they can relate to you, you'll be just fine. Read these two articles for further reference:

http://www.girlschase.com/content/dialing-down-value-volume
http://www.girlschase.com/content/emotional-contagion-seduction-and-soci...

All the best,

Colt

Limp's picture

The TED video was interesting. A few thoughts/questions....

1) Is there any sort of diminishing effect? For example, in the article it mentions how people become less in awe of your presence with more exposure. Does repeatedly exposing your body/mind to these postures in situations that don't fit their natural uses, at all diminish the response - particularly if you have failures when using these strategies? Or is it pretty much always the same response?

2) aside from his size and tattoos, why does the posture of the tattooed guy in the photo look so dominant, If he's technically in a very closed posture? Seems a fairly good example of what not to do, yet looks powerful.

3) While it's generally not advised on the site to buy women drinks, for newbs, would there be an advantage to buy lots of women drinks and use these postures so that you get more experience/confidence around women, get preselection of being seen with women, and stand ou?. Basically, if used strategically, could it actually be a short track to developing certain skills/fundamentals (granted that unless you're filthy rich, you eventually need to learn how to not rely on buying the drinks)?

John W.'s picture

In response to question 2, the big guy's arms are not technically in a "closed off to the world" and protective posture. He's more engaged in a deliberate and contemplative thinking posture, as the resting of his chin on his fingers imply. It's the classic "Thinker's Pose". What makes the photograph so intriguing is that at first blush everyone assumes he is a hooligan (OMG, just look at the tattoos), MMA fighter, or just a "dumb jock". His deep, penetrative eyes betray what we draw from intuition in the blink of an eye: There is more to this picture. The Thinker's Pose cause the gears in our mind to turn. What is he thinking? Is he thinking about how his fundamentals are? Is he thinking about how to improve it? Is he thinking about how much presence he projects to the world?

The use of the black space to the right of the man is something I would generally recommend against in a composition, unless there is some other feature, such as a big wooden post or shape similar in size to our man, acting as a surrogate human. Otherwise, it is just a poor use of space. After all, when we look at a photograph we have to ask, "Why did the photographer take this picture? What is he trying to say?"

Of course, in the context of this article about presence, it is a VERY good use of space. First, we are already primed into thinking about presence and how one would go about in taking up space. In our minds, we fill in the black with, perhaps a room full of people whose attention has been drawn to this man, wondering who he is and what he does. Why did he command my attention? We cannot help but wonder.

Author
Colt Williams's picture

Limp,

1) In terms of the diminishing effect, your body will respond *exactly* the same way every time. Even if you have a "failure" in a social situation, it will be significantly better than if you had gone in with closed off and awkward body language. What I meant by diminishing effect is on other people. For example, if you had a strong presence and walked into a room I was sitting in with a bunch of people, everyone would kind of go, "wow, I don't know that is, but he seems intriguing." But, if you and I chilled every day for the next 2 years and you walked into a same situation (with everyone being a stranger but me), I would just think, "It's Limp! What a great guy!" But I wouldn't really be affected by your presence anymore because I had known you for two years. But everyone else would once again think "Oh...who is that??" So that's why presence is particularly important and useful in the beginning stages of getting to know people.

2) John hit this one very well. His body language is deceptively inviting.

3) Well, if you had the money to throw around buying everyone drinks, that's certainly a way to get women's attention and have them start gravitating toward you. However, that being said, having a lot of money is a not a replacement or a shortcut for fundamentals. That's why you see so many rich guys at clubs who think that their money will buy them women. They get a table, get bottle service, maybe invite a girl or two over and serve them drinks, then after the girls have had their fill, the guys are left there alone...only to wonder what happened. So unless you have solid fundamentals *and* money, throwing money around is not very useful. Also, in my opinion, oftentimes throwing money around sends the wrong message. It usually attracts the girls who want you to provide for them and either see you as a friend-zone provider, or a potential serious boyfriend/husband because your money combined with your generosity simply make you far too valuable.

Instead, focus on being the life of the party. Focus on being the guy that everyone goes to to improve their night. If you learn how to be that guy, you will hardly need to spend a dime and will have a much easier time taking lovers.

http://www.girlschase.com/content/bring-energy-being-life-party

Get at it,

Colt

Anonymous's picture

I think one of the most important aspects of presence is actually being present, as in aware of the present moment. Other people can always tell if you are spaced out, lost in thought, or in your head thinking of something to say. Laser-like focus, on the other hand, tends to be charismatic.

There is also a book on this topic that I found to be pretty good: The Charisma Myth, by Olivia Fox Cabane.

Author
Colt Williams's picture

Anon,

I agree, being in the present moment is definitely important. People definitely pick up on others who have other (usually negative) thoughts on their mind. But I don't think you should be so present that you get caught up in the fray like everyone else. Just like in Chase's post on seeing the room, an important part of presence is actually the ability to step back and put yourself above the situation and observe it at times. That's why you start off by simply looking around and above when you walk into a social gathering. That way, you're still paying close attention, but everyone looks at you and wonders "what does this guy know that I don't?"

You are calm, fully aware, and still have that laser focus that you aptly mentioned.

And I've heard of that book, but I've never read it. I'll have to check it out -- thanks for the tip.

Cheers,

Colt

Zac's picture

I experience that, and sometimes i still do. But i realize you attract who you are. I notice quality people with quality people.

Any ways to actually soothen this period?

Zac

Author
Colt Williams's picture

Zac,

You are right, you really do attract who you are. I think one of the best ways to ease that period is just to focus on what you are gaining. It can be liberating to remove toxic people from your life and just direct your attention towards the high-value people that you are now surrounded with. It's also important to remain cordial with people you feel alienated from. It's actually a great way to practice being relatable. If you can learn to still take interest in people that you don't immediately click with, then you will strengthen your sense of empathy. And I think it's just important to be kind to everyone because you never know who you will need. So if you just try to think "I don't have much in common with this person, but they are still a good person" then you won't end up alienating them, which is important.

But, the most important thing is how you allocate your time. If you focus on using your free time to connect with people who understand you and boost you up, then you won't have to deal with the feelings too much during the alienation period too often.

Cheers,

Colt

Richard's picture

Hey Colt, quite the interesting article you've written, and when I feel comfortable I actually have a presence. From about middle school to my senior year of high school, I played chess, and much like yourself with debating, I could read my opponents and would adjust my mindset to play to their skill level. My junior and senior year I went undefeated because I could intuitively read my opponents skill level. Also, I have a presence in the psychology circle. I recently met my first psych professor for college and I walked into the room, and she knew I was part of that world (I was a bit excited when she said that). I have a few things to work on, but I have a good basis. Great article Colt! ;)
-Richard

Author
Colt Williams's picture

Richard,

That makes me very happy to hear! It sounds like you have a great ability to read people (nicely done with the chess) and you're on the road to having a very powerful presence. Keep working, and keep perfecting it my friend.

Cheers,

Colt

Anonymous's picture

Why do you look up and to the left? And how far up/to the left do you look? I don't quite understand why one would need to do this.

Author
Colt Williams's picture

Anon,

The eyes are one of the first social cues that people look for. If you look down when you enter a room, then it's a sign of awkwardness and submission. If you look straight at people right when you walk in, it can be very challenging. It creates the feeling of you sizing them up or judging them, which can be off-putting. But looking up creates the feeling that you're "above" the situation. It creates a celebrity effect. It creates intrigue. That's how you generate presence. You don't have to crank your neck to ceiling. you just look slightly above the crowd, as if you're taking in your surroundings (which you should be anyway) and getting ready to dominate the room. Then you smile because you're completely comfortable. You've looked up, so people subconsciously notice that you're not immediately trying to please anyone, you're a man who takes his time to observe, and you're an insider. And you smile, which makes you approachable and a source of positive energy. And then you take over.

Best,

Colt

jamjamjam's picture

Hey Colt,

How do you know if you have presence? I had a friend tell me years ago 'I wish I was intimidating like you'.

I'd say I probably do intimidate some people, is that the same thing?

If you've always had it, how would you know?

Nathan

Author
Colt Williams's picture

Nathan,

I used to get the same thing all of the time. People would always say, "I was really intimidated by you when we I first saw you." Which was strange because I've always been a pretty thin guy. But I used to always walk around with a really serious expression on my face because I usually thinking hard about something or listening to hard rap. I've heard a lot people say "so-and-so has an intimidating presence." That's the sort of thing you want on the football field or in a fight. But you don't want that in social situations.

Basically, intimidating people make others uncomfortable or scared. They think, "I don't want this guy to hurt me" and it sometimes makes it harder for them to interact with you. Whereas people with presence make people wonder about them. They think, "this guy just has this energy... I want to know more about him." And it makes them gravitate toward you.

It's pretty easy to translate intimidating presence to positive presence. Just focus on having relaxed and happy facial expressions (especially when you're just walking/standing around). And focus on being slightly more energetic/positive when you interact with people, and really be interested in how they are doing. That will put them at ease and have them see you as less intimidating and just more of a powerful force.

And learning this ability is great, because you can learn to switch back and forth. Walk into a room full of cute girls? Positive presence. Some guy comes up to you and your girl when you're trying to take her home? Turn on the intimidating presence and watch him slink away. It's really quite interesting once you learn how to master both. It really comes from your facial expressions, body and your internal thoughts. If you think "this is going to be a great time, and I'm gonna infuse this situation with my energy" and you smile and relax, you will be effervescent and intriguing. If you think "this guy needs to leave" and you scowl a bit and tense up, then you will be terrifying. Use these wisely!

Cheers,

Colt

Dave Grohl's picture

You need to take your next topic you plan to write about, go over the main points in your head, and then set up a camera and freestyle your next lesson/article. That would be awesome

Anonymous's picture

Can you write an article on leadership?

Richard's picture

So Colt,I have a question. Usually when I walk around, I have a naturally emotionless facial build, but emotions show up perfectly in my eyes. That being said, when you walk around and albeit sometimes I walk around with a big smile, full of energy, and happy, how do people see that? Or interpret that exuding happiness? I've heard mixed opinion some good and some bad. Then, in my usual walking state, I have a slow walk, and no smile on my face, but I feel the happiness in my eyes, and know that positive vibes are flowing out of my eyes, but not showing up in a smile form, how is that perceived?
-Richard

Cruzer's picture

You answered this question perfectly. I will definitely work on my presence. However, I have one more problem in regards to my presence. Everywhere I go, people automatically assume I am this innocent look guy who cannot hurt a fly. I don't know what they mean when they say I'm innocent, but I know its not a good thing as far as women go and it doesn't intimidate other men so everybody wants to push my buttons.

I am not innocent, in fact I went through plenty of ups and downs, I am even homeless at the moment, though I don't show it or let anyone know. So how can I make a more serious face that says f**k off or I'll kill you!

G's picture

Would this entrance work in a classroom situation or look too dramatic?
Thanks

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