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Girls test when they want to gauge a man. But not every test
warrants the same response. Here are the 7 ways to respond in the face
of women’s tests.
Tests are a major irritant of many guys new to dating. Yet despite covering tests extensively, and giving you plenty of tools to deal with them over the years, I haven’t assembled a proper end-to-end guide on acing these.
If you’re new here or need a refresher, read these articles on tests (and why women use them) first:
- When Women Test Men
- Do You Really Need to Learn Game to Get
Girls?
- 29 Things that Make a Woman Resist or Rebuff You
- Why Do Women
Test? To Find Dominant Males
The tests we’ll deal with in this article are lighter tests. i.e., put-you-on-the-spot type tests. The kind where she is not trying to reject you yet, but she is turning up the heat. For recovery from hard tests – where she out-and-out rebuffs or rejects you – see this article:
Contents
If she’s testing you in any way other than ignoring or rejecting you, however, this article will serve as your guide to seven (7) terrific ways to hurdle over her tests without pulling your hamstring.
You will notice as you read through these a common theme to all but the very first and, to a certain degree, the very last way: you respond to her tests by teasing her. She tests, you tease. She tests, you tease.
When a woman tests, what she’s evaluating is your reaction to her tests, to better gauge what kind of man you are. Do you flip a table over? Do you turn into a mound of jelly? Or do you brush her tests aside while you tease and flirt with her?
In all but the most serious cases (where she has raised a genuine problem), you’re best served to make light of her attempt to put you on the hot seat.
Now let’s unpack those seven (7) ways to ace women’s tests.
Comments
Approach invitations everywhere
Hey Chase, sup? ;)
I've been approaching girls for about 2 months now and I can already tell from before the approach who is interested and who's not. (Though I'm still having moments where I'm pretty sure this girl likes me but actually is not interested and vice versa... And this makes the whole thing even more interesting lol.)
What I noticed is that girls put out approach invitations pretty much all the time. I'm literally seeing signals to approach everywhere, most being very subtle ones but they still signal.
1.Am I imagining things because I'm having success approaching girls or do they really put out all those signals but most of us do not realize it?
2.While I've pretty much cured approach anxiety (and its fantastic!), I'm still losing girls due to my inability to lead the interaction. Like often I'll forget to close by proposing a date cause I'm, so caught up in the conversation. Any advice to get more solid results?
Your website is wonderful! Thanks a lot!
Women Signal Men Often / Remembering to Ask Out
Hynic-
Glad to hear it. Sounds like good progress!
Girls do put out signals all the time, yes. There is a male tendency to overestimate female interest... Confident men think women put out more signals than they do. Yet there's also a self-fulfilling prophecy effect, where women become attracted to men who assume attraction.
So you could say:
That'll resolve quick enough! Once you settle into it, everything will slow down and you'll start to remember to do things you forgot to do before.
If you want to speed the process up in the meantime though, set goals. For instance, "Ask two women out on dates today." Once you've adopted a certain goal for an outing, and keep it top of mind, it becomes much harder to forget to do. And if you do forget it with one girl, you'll kick yourself over it, and remember to do it with the next girl. Or you may even chase the first girl back down and ask her, if she's still in range when you remember :)
Chase
When a girl is too attracted
When a girl is too attracted to you...
Chase, you also got to be careful if women are too attracted to you, and could split off from you before the 1st date.
1st off, the more and more a girl attracted to you, the more and more she wanna see you fall, and that includes rejecting you, to see how you handle it.
2ndly, the more and more a girl attracted to you, then the more she knows she could be heartbroken by you... In that case, the more likely and quickly she will block off from you.
Combine these 2, then she'll wait for you to make your move to reject or block you off if you don't make your move.
So either way... it a lose-lose scenario. ;)
Horny Girls Testing / Girls Auto-Rejecting
Neal-
Yes, you can face big tests from very attracted women, provided a specific condition: missed escalation windows.
If a window is missed - whether because you moved too slow, or you didn't notice the window was open - she will think you have rejected or may reject her. At that point, you lose a great deal of attainability to her. She may auto-reject, but she may just be pushed down into a sexually frustrated condition.
If she doesn't auto-reject, what you end up with is a girl who is:
A good example is the stereotypical mean horny girl.
Women who are turned on but feel like the men they want are too low attainability will throw a bunch of strong tests at men. They do this partly out of irritation ("If this guy cannot bang me, then screw him, I'll make him look like a fool"), partly as a signal to more tuned-in men of where they're at ("Either he's going to see this and realize I need a cock, or SOME guy will"). That's your #1 scenario.
Your #2 scenario is auto-rejection. In this case, it's a 'softer' auto-rejection, of the, "I don't think he wants what I want. -Sigh- I'd better protect myself from him," variety, rather than a harsher/defiant variety (like, "He doesn't want to give me what I want? Well screw him, who needs him!"). It's the more ladylike strain of auto-rejection!
Chase
Hey Chase,
Hey Chase,
great summary. But I feel like there is missing one important piece. If I correctly understood one should use #7: Tell Her to Knock It Off for the hardest shittests (that maybe rather reach the point of insults). I can see how that is effective to basically tell the girl that she's behaving like a bitch. All of the strategies that you recommend are defensive. Well okay that is not 100% correct. Reframing something as her chasing me and or qualify her (deflect it).
But don't you think that there are situations and girls that scream for more radical strategies, i.e. teasing her harder, shittesting her back, negging her? I have used the strategies that you described and usually they are effective. EXCEPT for girls that behvave in quite a bitchy way. Of course it does not only depend on the girl but also on the frame that you introduce the interaction with and the way she perceives you (= your style of game, more asshole or smother) and many many other things. What I am essentially asking for is: Don't you think that certain girls' shittests have to be dismantled way more radically than you suggested (let's say for attention whores, very bitchy LSE girls, freaks etc.?)
I'm looking forward to your answer :)
Responding to Tests with Teases or Negs
Andreas-
Hmm, not 100% clear what sort of teases you mean. Many of the categories in the article are teases. The bored look is a tease (nonverbal way of saying, "Seriously? Come on"), that actually teases her harder than however she teased (Law of Least Effort: when you use less effort to achieve a larger result, you wield more social power; counter her tease with a stronger / nonverbal tease, and you win).
Clever lines are a tease. Deflection is a tease. Agree & amplify is a tease. Hoops are a tease. Knock it off, depending on how you state it, may be a tease as well, although not necessarily.
As an example, you're on a date with a girl who is being very bitchy, and who then asks you to purchase something for her. It may go like this:
A neg response might be:
Or perhaps this:
Those are both okay responses. However, they do not end the test; the test remains open. Worse, with a bitchy girl, they're high variance. She may respond well. She may ignore the neg and stick to her guns. Or she may get pissed and storm off.
For example, you may get a conversation that goes like this:
Thus, it doesn't actually end the test, and you need to use another (stronger) response.
You'll have a much better chance with a bored look, hoop, or telling her to knock it off here:
(bored look)
Or:
(put up hoops)
Or:
(knock it off)
With each of these responses, you actually resolve the test, in a favorable way, that gets the whole thing moving again. (you also tease her in each of these responses - bored look is a tease; telling her she needs to buy you a sports car before you buy her a purse is both a hoop and a tease; telling her women are "so predictable" after she admits she was being bitchy because you ticked her off earlier with a comment about her hair is a tease as well)
In each of these, you put the pressure back on her. They're good defense via good offense. Bored look is stronger than a verbal test from her. With the hoop, you ask for bigger investment from her than she asks for than you, thus positioning you as the more demanding party. With "knock it off", you seize the meta frame, describing what she is doing from a more meta level than she is operating at.
The neg, incidentally, is a pure defensive play, primarily because it does not put greater pressure on her than she puts on you with the test. The exception is if you use the neg offensively, in advance of a test (e.g., standard Mystery Method offensive negging, where you neg the bitchy-looking girl on open, before she has a chance to do anything actually bitchy), or if you use a neg that is harsher than the test (I am struggling to think of a bitchy test that is less harsh than a neg, however). It is not as useful at most test-handling, in my experience. Girls with decent frames tend to brush it off, usually.
Chase
When she's short
Hey Chase,
I've been going on dates, and making "the move" by kissing.
And I find that, for example a spontaneous kiss or a 5 sec kiss from your articles...
They're short...
I pull them in, but there's a moment of difficulty since I have to stretch down to kiss...
And that little pause there or slowed down move to adjust to her height... seems to make it not so spontaneous.
And they playfully move away.
Like this girl who playfully turn away and then say, "Hey!" with a silly smile and then hits me playfully..
Though she did say we are friends after (not immediately after but as date progress) and I gave it another try later in the date but she did the same thing.
Or when I had glasses on, and kissing caused the glasses to keep my lips away.
The glasses just bammed into her XD
So hilarious..
Any other ways of "making the move" as I remember kissing might not be a good thing unless it's near sex, and given the height differences, maybe an alternative way to make the move is better?
Or keeping the kissing but finding ways to work around it?
Thanks bro,
Lawliet
Kissing Short Girls, Girls with Glasses
Lawliet-
That is a problem! Best solution is to get seated first, or lean up against a wall. If you're leaned against a wall, you can slump down a bit, then pull her in next to you while she's still standing straight. Or if you're outside you may be able to find those cement walls that come up to about waist or chest height, often with metal fences on top of them... they have these in a lot of cities. Those are great places to sit down at and kiss girls with height differentials at outside, whether those girls are seated next to you or still standing.
Girls with glasses, if you also have glasses on, have them come in close, slowly remove their glasses, and do a romantic kiss. Or, if it must be spontaneous, then sneak your glasses off a few minutes in advance of when you think you want to kiss her so they won't get in the way when you do.
A few other ways to make a clear move without mouth-kissing can be the shoulder/neck massage that ends in a long neck kiss, or you getting the energy sexually charged, then telling her, "Come here, I've got to do this," and grabbing a fistful of her hair (or grabbing her ponytail, if her hair is in a ponytail) and slowly tugging it back. Often will be very easy to kiss her not long after you've done one of these.
Chase
I'm not giving up no matter what
Sup Chase, just replaying to your comment on the last article.
I won't say that I don't want this I do, I have taken a back seat and I haven't improved as quickly as I should of because if it, but I have done every approach, but day game, that's it.
I asked myself why I want what I want and it's because I do want it.
I have come to the realization that over the years that passed by so quickly, I just felt like I could do it later when I felt I could handle it better, then 5 years just flew by, now mind you I have done approaching, fucking, conversations and all of that, but I never was super focused on it until now, after I realized how much time as passed.
This year was the year where I really realized I had to really go out alone more than once or twice a week. Before I was like I'll go out whenever my friends hit me up. I never thought about going out alone, I never thought about it like that before this year that I had to really put myself out there to get it.
My biggest fear is that I won't succeed, that's it, I feel it would be a waste of time most of the time.
And that stems from past failures, I have tried approaching for years at clubs to no success, but kisses and numbers, I have tried to make my own business, but have wasted hours working on it, to just fail, and waste time. After the setbacks I felt to myself, why waste time?
So I lack confidence to go at this hard, I just don't believe in myself to go hard with any of it, but the desires are me wanting to fuck many girls, and create my own business for myself because that's how I want my life.
What guy really doesn't want to fuck a lot of girls? Not all, but most would, the same goes for business. The problem is the work and the feeling that you wasted your time and proving yourself right.
It might be my age that's holding me back because I used to actually do a lot more back then and not care.
I do want this though, I have been on this site for years, not just for fun, I love this site, and use it to better myself. I used to go so hard that I would even try to fuck my female bosses and most of my female co workers and I wouldn't have never done that if it weren't for you. I would never think outside the box if it weren't for you, I wouldn't try to make my own business if it weren't for you.
I guess you could say maybe the drive has went down a little? Maybe I have up slightly? But I used to do a lot more years ago, but I never went 100% because I never thought like that. I used to go out more than 3 nights a week too, but not getting success after going out for so long makes you feel like you can't do this.
Then you think to yourself, if I can't get these sleezy club hoes, then how can I even stand a chance with day game? I think my race plays a big issue with it in my head too, I'm in my head a lot and it's a problem that I hate so much.
But me wanting this is desire emotionally and intellectually, I just feel that I will fail. I fear im too old, I fear that I will just go out get rejected and feel like I'm less than a man because of it.
I didn't mean to write that I take no action, I meant to say that I used to, but as I got older the rejections made me feel like I was wasting my time.
I'll admit, after reflecting it's just I actually feel that if I do day game, I will get rejected because I'm black or whatever, I feel I can't make a business because I'm black and not the smartest. They won't take a black kid who's not the smartest serious. That's how I feel.
And like I said it's more than just girls, it's life, I just have doubts and fears.
I can't live my life like this in any area and I gotta do what I gotta do. I gotta force myself to do it.
The desire I have with women goes back to the days that I fucked up so much easy pussy, I keep kicking myself for it, it's the fact that I never thought about getting so many notches on my belt, that I do now.
With business, I need to have my own source of income, I can't rely on anyone else, I can't deal with the job stuff. I want my own.
I will push for it, but I worded it wrong in my last comment, I have been approaching for years and have tried to start some businesses, but the setbacks cause me to coast. I haven't improved because I guess maybe I haven't tried enough consistently? After many setbacks I just give up.
With the club thing I went hard for like 2 years, then the quality went down and my friends and I just didn't really go anymore. And time flew and I didn't realize that it went by so fast, so that's where the time mostly went too.
After getting so many flakes, flake after flake for years, it take a toll on you. Get her all over you, kissing you, and everything, but to get her number and her act like she didn't want to fuck you? That has happened more than enough times than I could count. Who wouldn't be tired of that shit? I know I am.
But I don't want you to think I don't want this or never tried because trust me, I have went through enough rejections that could have been avoided if I didn't try. My main problem I guess is that I didn't try enough.
To be honest I fear of failure, I fear embarrassment. Those are the problems I fear those more than I want to succeed. I have to turn it around. There's so many times I have tried and failed it really made me step back. I was trying to fuck every girl at one point, and the failures made me step back.
The only things I haven't done Chase, we're day game cold approach, that's it.
I did work approach, I did club approach, social circle, I did a lil online gaming. Haven't done to well with it in my opinion, but day game cold approach is the only one I never done, but I have done all of the others.
I'll ask to see if you could give me advice, but if not I'll just force myself to get better anyway with baby steps.
1. How can I build up more discipline and desire for myself? The type of discipline and desire ypu spoke of in the last article? I have a little of it, but I need more of it, I need to know that I can achieve this and not fear failure anymore.
2. How can I finally fuck these club girls? This is my main problem I have had for years, I need to do this. I keep getting flaked on or they won't answer my text.
3. How can I stop being a person who just gives up and turns lazy ? I love sleeping and relaxing.
I don't want to be like that anymore. I want to be a hard worker, I want to work my off and strive and succeed.
It's a personality change, I want to switch from lazy to hard worker.
Those are the only three questions I have.
Anyway, I will just have to force myself to do it, I have to because there's no way I can live my life like this.
I'm not giving up no matter what, I don't care, I'm not giving up.
More than girls
I just wanted to elaborate on my post just to be clear.
The way in feeling has to do with everything, from health to work, to lastly girls. It all connects, so this is way bigger than just girls, I think I just have a lack of confidence now for some reason.
But it has to do with more than girls, I feel the same about everything. Like my health, I've been working on it for almost 2 years, but I could not stay on a healthy diet plan because I hated the food. for almost a year, I had this job that I don't work much because I hate not knowing what I do and always asking for help, it gives me anxiety. I have made small strides, but that's not enough.
Anyway I just wanted to point that out the way I feel is the same about every single thing.
So I have to do it, but once I start it will all come together from healthy foods, work, and girls.
It comes from discipline I guess. I have to will myself.
Anyway after reading what I've been writing for years, and it all just looks weak and lame to me. I will stop the worrying about stuff in my head so much.
Like I said I haven't improved highly in years because the club game wasn't working and I never tried day game, social game was good, but I guess depending on the club so much is what is messing me up. I still don't understand how the club game hasent worked for me all these years.
If you could provide any help id appreciate it, but I have to just fight through it because that's all I can do, I have to force the change.
Do the Newbie Assignment!
SZ-
There is literally nothing more I can tell you than what I have over the past five(?) years.
Until you actually start doing the stuff I've told you to do, it's all mental masturbation.
As I've told you at least 20 times (at least... it's probably closer to 40 or 50 times), start with the Newbie Assignment:
Newbie Assignment
They day you complete the Newbie Assignment, and post about it in a journal or field report, will be a day of great feasting and rejoicing, and will be remembered throughout the halls of Girls Chase for at least 12 or 15 years or something.
People will tell legends of that guy Sub-Zero who asked Chase the same questions for years and never followed any of his advice, until one day he got out of his rolling chair or loveseat or whatever it is you sit in and decided, "Gosh darn it! I'm going to do the stuff that guy on the Internet I've asked trillions of questions of keeps telling me to!"
Seriously. You think your namesake would be scared of the Newbie Assignment? He would ice that shit like a ball of frosty whatever-he-shoots.
Chase
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