How to Tell if a Girl is Horny Without Her Having to Tell You

One of the things that it seems like a lot of guys have difficulty realizing is when women actually want them.

Chances are, you've heard some of the conventional ways on figuring out if a girl is horny. Some of them are:

• Check her heart rate
• Check her breathing rate -- the faster she's breathing, the more excited
• Check her pupil dilation
• Check her vaginal dilation or how lubricated she is... down there

Great stuff if you're an M.D. And you've got your stethoscope handy (or a pair of rubber gloves).

But how do you figure that out when you're standing across the room from a girl, or you're deep in conversation with her? Not exactly the right time for a lubrication check.

One of the most underrated skills for the man interested in getting together with women is the ability to quickly identify the women who are looking for the same thing that he is. This is a skill called "targeting," and it's one I've put a fair amount of work into cultivating in myself.

One of the most important aspects of targeting, it turns out, is figuring out how to tell if a girl is horny.

 

Horny Women Acting Up: This Ain't the Movies

If you keep up with my blog on here, you know I tend to recommend movies every so often as wonderful places to learn nonverbal gestures and communication, as well as the voice tones and general demeanors of attractive, powerful men.

Well, another thing that movies occasionally get right, but usually don't, is accurately depicting horny women. In the movies, lusty women are usually depicted as wild, affectionate sexpots -- quite far from how things actually normally shape up in reality.

To start you off in this post, I'll begin with a comment from a female reader of the blog here. Making her remarks on the post on telling women you're not boyfriend material, she writes:

“Sometimes a girl will purposely be rude or have an attitude with you when she knows it's in the bag because, hey, you're a hookup, not boyfriend material, so why show you my sparkling personality? Or why even shave for this guy? lol It's nothing personal, just a timesaver.”

This comment should start some wheels turning in the heads of guys who are beginners or intermediates and just getting their legs under them as lovers of women. And it's going to have all the grizzled veterans out there smiling and nodding.

The question the newer guys inevitably have when they hear something like this is, "Wait, what? You mean a woman will be mean to you... if she wants you???"

And the answer, of course, is yes she will be... sometimes.

The first time I became consciously aware of this was a night in 2008 when I was out at a bar in Southern California with my then-girlfriend, a close friend of mine who had a prolific history with women, and a few other friends and acquaintances. My girlfriend at the time was standing away from me, arms crossed, fuming, and acting very short-tempered and terse with me at the time.

"She is so horny right now," my buddy said as we both looked off in her direction.

"Tell me about it," I replied. "I haven't slept with her in a week, just because I've been super busy. But yeah, she wants it really bad right now." And then I stopped. Wait, how did he know that? And how did I know that? She certainly didn't look anything like what horny looked like in the movies.

I quickly had a series of women's faces flash through my mind: women I'd known had wanted to go to bed with me, but who had also been acting like... well, like total bitches, if you'll pardon the language. I don't like that word a whole lot, but that's what they'd be acting like.

And the reason they were acting that way was because they were horny and they wanted sex.

I took my girlfriend home that night and gave her a hard, hour-long stretch in bed, and brought her to satisfaction a number of times, and when I was finished with her she was all smiles and lovey dovey cutesiness. The meanness and hostility she'd been exuding all night evaporated instantly, and she took on the disposition of a tiny little kitten, big doe eyes and everything.

But it made me start thinking about things quite a bit differently. Because until that night, I hadn't consciously realized that a woman who's mean and terse and rude might not be that way because that's how she really was -- she might actually be that way because she's just horny.

 

Why Horny Girls Can Be Mean Girls

Do you remember when you were a child, and there was something you really wanted -- maybe food, maybe a toy -- and for whatever reason, some cruel adult simply refused to give it to you?

How did you start acting? Probably pretty rude, short, and mean, right?

That's what often happens with horny women. When a woman wants to go to bed with a man, and starts feeling like she's having a tough time getting what she wants, she's pretty naturally and completely understandably going to start getting pretty darn annoyed. There're generally two ways this manifests:

1. She's mean when you meet her. This is the girl who's already really horny and has been disappointed by about 10 men today already. This girl is easy pickings for a man who's willing to persist through that early wave of pushback he's going to get when he meets her, and who's going to move fast with her. Conversely, she'll be a nightmare for a guy who moves slow -- her patience is already paper thin, and she's not going to tolerate another Pokey Puppy trying to ease her hour-by-hour along the path to the bedroom. She's only there for the men who're playing to win.
   
   
2. She's nice when you meet her... then gets mean. This occurs when you've managed to trip a girl's "he's a slow mover" alarms. In a nutshell, if she likes you at the outset (when she's being nice), but then starts feeling like things aren't progressing (maybe you keep bantering with her and she's thinking, "Okaaaay, time to move things along now"), eventually she can grow frustrated, slip into auto-rejection (where she effectively gives up on anything ever happening with you, or starts feeling like it's too much work), and become cold and dismissive.

That's yet another one of those reasons why I harp on here so much about moving fast. The guys who move fast put smiles on women's faces and give women want they want, while the guys who move slow run out women's patience and end up alone at the end of the night, wondering what went wrong.

I'll tell you a story about the first time I started realizing, subconsciously, that one of the ways to tell if a girl is horny is to look for whether she's mean.

I was in a nightclub in mid-2006, slightly drunk and momentarily by myself, when I noticed a pretty Hispanic girl next to me looking at me desperately. I noticed she was with a guy, but she didn't look happy to be there. She briefly leaned into me then, and whispered, "Help me!" I sprung into action.

"Hey babe," I said, turning and throwing my arm around her, "I was wondering where you ran off to. Who's your friend?" She introduced the guy to me, and then told him I was her boyfriend.

"Oh, well it was a pleasure meeting you both," the guy said, and made a fast exit. I laughed.

The girl turned to me, annoyed. "I was staring at you forever," she said. "Why didn't you jump in any sooner?"

"I wanted to make a good entrance," I told her. "Besides, I figure my girlfriend can play nice with strangers for a few minutes while I get a drink."

She was busting my balls pretty hard for a few minutes, and I had a little trouble keeping up with her, but then I moved her to the bar with me, and then I moved her out on the dance floor. And within about seven minutes of meeting her, I was making out with her, one of my hands was up her bra, and my other hand was down her panties (this was back in my club-make-out-guy days... I don't do that anymore -- it's far easier to get a girl back to your place when you haven't kissed her yet).

Later I thought to myself, "Wow, had I not been a bit drunk, I probably wouldn't have done anything with that girl because she seemed so confrontational."

But then things like that kept happening with "mean" girls. Because most of the time, it turns out, mean girls are horny girls.

 

Mean Means Horny, But Horny Doesn't Necessarily Mean Mean

Confused? Great -- that's what I was going for!

Kidding aside, horny and mean are kind of like squares and rectangles. If you remember your geometry, all squares are rectangles (an object with four sides), but not all rectangles are squares (an object with four equal sides).

Almost universally speaking, if a woman is being mean, it's because she's horny. Yes, there are a few legitimately bad apples out there who really are just mean people, but even most of the bad apples soften up quite a bit after a good roll in the hay. I'm telling you, almost every time you see a mean girl, she's a horny girl, too.

Now, mean is different from indifferent, so make sure not to get them confused. That one can take several forms. If a woman is cold and aloof, she might be in auto-rejection (because she liked you but doesn't feel like she can get you). If she's actually, literally indifferent, she may be emotionally fatigued and/or not feel like she has time for you (if she's had men awkwardly hitting on her all night in a nightclub, for instance, and just can't take any more men walking up to her trying to talk to her).

Here's how you tell the difference.

Mean is:

• Acting like you're stupid
• Busting your balls
• Being rude
• Being selfish
• Getting angry

Cold is:

• Being dismissive
• Acting like she doesn't care when you can tell she does
• Intimating that you've blown your chance with her
• Trying to make you jealous
• Trying to make you realize what a mistake you made by losing her

Indifferent is:

• Not showing any kind of emotion at all
• Not trying to make you feel bad or good
• Not trying to make you jealous
• Not paying any sort of attention to you, nor actively trying to ignore you either

The long and short of it:

• Mean women are horny
• Cold women are in auto-rejection
• Indifferent women you're just not even on the radar of (yet -- go get to know them!)

But now, before we continue on talking about mean girls, another note.

Horny doesn't always equal mean.

A girl can be turned on and be a kitten too. She can be nuzzling you and warm and affectionate and submissive.

So what's the difference? Why are some horny girls kittens, and others are lionesses?

It all has to do with a woman's expectations of satisfaction, and levels of frustration.

Imagine two women: one of whom is with a strong, sexy man who's moving things confidently and decisively forward and she's able to relax around and trust that he will lead her to the intimacy she so wants and needs. The other of whom is surrounded by lots of men who are coming up and "trying their hands" with her, being gamey, tentative, and trying but failing to be charming.

Which of those two women will be warm and fuzzy in her desire, and which will be mean and cruel, do you think?

Of course -- the woman who feels confident she's going to get what she wants is going to be calm and excited about it, while the woman who feels she's being jostled about and is going to go unsatisfied or have to settle for a man who's less than her ideal is going to be bitter about it and spiteful.

There's also a certain amount of disdain women will have for men they're going to sleep with whom they consider "not their equals." For instance, if a man makes it clear he wants to sleep with a girl, and is persistent with her, but he's below her ordinary standards -- if he doesn't dress well, he's crude, he's unattractive in his mannerisms and nonverbals, he doesn't know how to move things forward with tact and grace and instead bluntly tugs her along -- she may find herself in the position of being willing to settle for him, despite not wanting to, because she doesn't feel like there are any better options out there. These are the men that commentator earlier remarked about women being rude to when they "know it's in the bag."

When a woman knows she's going to go to bed with a man if he persists, but she's only going to do so because he's "good enough" and because he's moving things forward and she just needs a man -- any man -- she'll tend to be mean to him.

The funny thing is, if you tell this to most guys, they're going to scratch their heads and say, "Well, why don't girls like that want to be with a guy like me, who knows how to make them excited and happy and feel good??"

And the answer, of course, is that maybe a woman does want that, but that man who makes her feel excited and happy and good doesn't move things forward with her, and that man she likes less does.

Getting girls isn't just about how much you can make a woman want you. A big part of it is whether you stand up and lead them to the bedroom.

 

How to Tell if a Girl is Horny

As you might surmise, "she's mean" is going to be one of our dead giveaways that a girl is probably quite desirous of some alone time with a member of the opposite sex. I'll flesh out the other big signs here, too.

1. She's mean. If a girl's being mean, it almost always means she's horny. Now, you don't want to tell her that -- women rarely admit to being horny, and women who are feeling mean particularly aren't going to admit to wanting or needing anything from anybody else. But if you see a girl being mean, you should take that as a loud, clear sign that she needs a man.
   
   If you're covering your bases and you get women moving with you soon into an interaction and investing and they can tell you're going to lead them and move fast, you'll notice a lot of "mean" women slowly start warming up to you. Their formerly bitter meanness turns into a more playful type of banter, and often eventually (assuming you really are leading decisively, making constant forward progress, and moving them quickly toward intimacy) even warming up to you and becoming almost kitten-like.
   
   Alternatively, women will sometimes maintain meanness throughout an interaction, especially if they're very much in need of a man. So long as a woman keeps following you and going along with you when you tell her to, don't worry about whether she's being mean or not -- you shouldn't even let it be a factor. I've heard men complain about mean women, saying things like, "Who wants to be with a girl like that anyway?" but those were just men in auto-rejection because they didn't feel like they could get those girls. Little did they know those mean women they walked away from only needed a man tough enough to take their verbal jousting and lead them to intimacy.
   
   
2. She's distracted. Ever go out to a bar or a nightclub and notice a group of girls where one of the girls is looking around a little feverishly, constantly scanning the crowd, and being a lot more open and/or flirtatious than her girlfriends, engrossed as they are in the gossip that's being shared in their circle? That's a big sign that something else is on her mind -- and quite often, in a social venue like a party or a club, that something else is men.
   
   One of the most helpful mentalities you can assume in this kind of situation is that of the hero who's going to swoop in and save distracted women from their distractedness. I'll often start talking to women like this with a simple, "Hi. How's your night going?" spoken with a voice tone that assumes she was looking for someone to talk to. And that usually gets a very warm, knowing response -- she knows that you know that she was looking for a man like you.
   
   
3. She's personally flirtatious. This one's a little more challenging to describe to a newer guy, but there're essentially two varieties of flirtatiousness: personal, and impersonal. Impersonal flirtatiousness is the female equivalent of males' impersonal game -- standardized, autopilot, and the same stuff she uses on everyone. Personal flirtatiousness is the variety that stands out because a woman's giving you lots of personal attention, is devoting most of her time, energy, and focus on you, and is either actively moving things forward herself, or giving you lots of hints (some subtle, some not as much) that you should take action and lead.
   
   Personal flirtatiousness is what you're going to run into when a girl wants what you have to offer and trusts that you can lead her to satisfaction. It means that, so far, she feels like you're doing everything right, and she wants you to keep everything moving ahead.
   
   
4. She's hyper-affectionate. This is usually only women who've had some to drink, but you'll see it occasionally among sober women. If a girl's touching you (or other people) a lot, and draping herself over you, chances are she's feeling quite lustful. Get her somewhere alone pronto.

What do you do once you recognize a woman is desirous? Well, you pick up the pace and get her somewhere you can physically escalate! Won't do either you or her much good if she wants you and you want her and the two of you just stay standing and talking in the coffee shop or the bar. You've got to get her out of there, and make something happen.

The rest of the time, keep your ears perked for the signs of a woman who's feeling lusty. Once you know how to tell if a girl is horny, it starts making targeting a lot easier, especially when you're out looking to pull a girl now. It's an important ability to get down if you're focusing on making your seductions happen as quickly and efficiently as possible. Just like in business, you want to make sure you're targeting the right customer, so too in seduction -- there are lots of women out there, looking for lots of different things -- you want to make sure you're focusing your efforts on the women who are looking for what you have to offer them. Do that, and before you know it, you'll be turning a lot of horny women into happy women.

And if you've read this far, you really owe it to yourself to get on my exclusive newsletter and get a lot more insights like this delivered straight to your inbox, so you never miss a thing. I'll start you off with my free report, "The Unconventional Guide To Phone Number Success" -- which you really shouldn't lose out on getting a copy of. You can sign up using the form below:

Talk to you again soon.

Chase Amante

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