How to Live an Interesting Life


One of our senior discussion board members (and a contributor the main site) who’s going through a rough patch right now suggested a couple of article topics. One of these was on living an interesting life:

How to Live an Interesting Life – I feel that my life outside of the occasional woman or pool game is quite mundane. I’m not someone who likes having nothing to do but inevitably my day-to-day living involves nothing but sitting around and twiddling my thumbs right now. So, I’d like to see an article on leading an interesting life.

interesting life

I think the most important thing about leading an “interesting life” to understand is that “interesting” is a highly subjective concept... and the way most folks talk about it is best understood from the outside, not the inside.


Exciting or Interesting, It’s for the Outside

“I want an exciting life,” a girlfriend of mine said to me once.

“Exciting like what? Gun shots and alien attacks?” I asked.

Instead, she described the life of an ex-girlfriend of mine she was acquainted with. “Her life is so exciting!” she said. “I’ve never been friends with anyone with as exciting a life as hers. She was so in love with you, and then it broke up, but it was all over a misunderstanding, and then she tried to get you back even though you were dating me, and then she dated her boss, and her coworkers insulted her publicly but she was defiant, and then she fell in love with your friend when you introduced them. And she gets to fly all over the country working on projects in this city and that city and the other city.”

“That doesn’t sound like excitement to me,” I said. “It just sounds like confusion and not knowing what you want and a heavy work schedule.”

“But it is exciting!” my girlfriend replied.

“And yet,” I replied, “I guarantee you that she would set everything aside if she could just be with me again. She’d switch places with you in a heartbeat.”

“No way!” said my girlfriend.

“You don’t think so? Okay,” I said, “why don’t I call her up right now and tell her I want her back. How fast do you think she’ll drop everything and come running straight back to me at lightning speed?”

”She’s in love with your friend now!” she said.

”You don’t think she’ll apologize to him and come straight back to me if I give her even a hint of an open door?” I asked, and raised my eyebrows.

“You might be right,” she said.

“And you know what,” I continued, “I bet if she knew everything about your life -” and here I reeled off a descriptor of various things she had going on, “I bet she’d tell you your life is way more exciting than hers is.”

“Maybe...” she said.

“But YOU don’t think your life is very exciting, because you live it every day,” I said. “Just like SHE doesn’t think HER life is exciting, because SHE lives it every day. Yet, you think her life is more exciting, and she’d think your life is more exciting. Why? Do you know? Because I do...”

“Why?” she asked.

“Because exciting only looks exciting from the outside,” I said.

I then explained the thing about exciting: I don’t care if you’re a rock star, an airplane pilot, a party promoter... doesn’t matter. Whatever it is, as soon as you’ve been doing it long enough to be any good at it, it quits being exciting.

Have you ever seen a rock star quit in the middle of a concert to break into euphoria: “OMG guys, I just realized I am a rock star, and holy crap, this is so exciting! Wait, can you guys hang on for a second, I want to call my mom and let her listen to all my fans screaming on the other end of the phone. Hold on, hold on – we’ll get the concert going again in just a second, don’t worry. Let me just call my mom. Hold on. Mom..? Mom! Mom – GUESS WHAT? I’m a rock star!

Nope.

How about an airline pilot making an announcement over the PA system: “Welcome aboard ladies and gentleman, and oh, by the way – I get to fly planes. I hope you don’t mind, but I’ll be taking a bunch of selfies in every part of the plane so I can post these to Facebook later, because it’s so dadgum exciting that I want to make sure everybody knows it.”

Nope.

It’s all a grind. Whether you’re working 9-to-5 or flying a 747 or putting on show after show for sold-out audiences, it might be fun... it might be enjoyable... but it isn’t exciting... and interesting is the same darn way.


How’d You Get to be So Interesting?

When we talk about an interesting life, we can really talk about two things:

  1. Doing things that are actually interesting, to you, and
  2. Living in a way that other people find very interesting

Sometimes these things overlap, but not always.

For instance, flying planes and being a rock star are two things I’d probably categorize as usually not very interesting to do, but extremely interesting for others who hear you do them.

interesting lifeIf you’re a pilot, most of your time consists of dead time sitting in the air while the autopilot runs the show, just keeping an eye on a hundred different gauges and taking naps or flirting with the flight attendants to bide time (which probably sounds fun at first, but isn’t actually any different than any other kind of office flirtation).

If you’re a rock star, most of your time consists of grueling tour schedules where you have to go out and put on a show (and if you’ve ever danced or sung, you know this is WORK), put insane amounts of draining and repetitive practice in behind the scenes, and deal with all kinds of legal and logistical and financial headaches until you’re so big that you have a trusted enough posse of agents, managers, and handlers to not have to worry about these anymore. Even writing music and lyrics can be interesting sometimes, but is very often a lot of work and a lot of grinding it out much of the time (which is probably why most singers eventually outsource these too – look at how many ghostwriters most established artists employ. Think your favorite song was written by your favorite artist? Questionable).

Conversely, someone who’s a laboratory entomologist may have what is for him an extremely interesting day-to-day. In case you don’t know what an entomologist is, that’s someone who studies insects. And while any given day for him may be a thrill ride of bug study, when he meets a cute girl at the bar and tells her that his day was spent studying bumblebee flight patterns, she probably won’t find his life especially interesting to picture.

And there’s the disconnect between what seems like an interesting life to others, and what’s actually interesting yourself to do. They sometimes add up... but usually don’t. And frequently that’s because of the effect of events vs. processes.

I have little doubt that a music fan just discovering the Beatles in 1963 would’ve found them very interesting and very exciting, especially as their popularity started to soar and Beatlemania caught on in a big way. But for John Lennon and Paul McCartney? They’d already been playing 6 years and had over 600 performances under their belt by then. I doubt a concert struck them as anything other than “business as usual, except with more fans” at that point.

The fans see the event – suddenly, these guys the Beatles appear out of nowhere! But for the person who lived the process, who’s already acclimated to everything he does, maybe the most interesting thing that happened to him all day was the weird beggar with a bird on his head he saw outside the station earlier, and not the concert he performed in front of 30,000 screeching fans.


Do I Want to be Interesting or Interested?

Just like there’s a big difference between being bored and being boring, there’s also a big difference between being interesting and being interested.

And deciding which one you want to focus on at any given moment of time is going to be important.

For being interesting, there are already a ton of articles on this site. Perhaps the most important two are these:

Being interesting is mainly about:

  1. Acquiring more and broader experience
  2. Developing high degrees of skill in one or more areas
  3. Becoming socially adept at conveying the interesting things about you
  4. Getting other people telling you the interesting things about themselves (this actually makes them think you’re interesting... even if they know nothing about you. People work strangely)

For instance, someone who can talk intelligently about visiting multiple countries and speaking multiple languages is more interesting for it. Someone who plays rugby or the tuba with a high degree of expertise is more interesting for it. All of these people can tell you fascinating things assuming they know how to parse their experiences for points of interest and tell a good story or an eye-opening anecdote. They can also make you feel understood a lot more easily if you share experiences that are remotely related to their breadth and depth of experience.

If you want to be more interesting, then do more and get better at expressing the things you’ve done, learned, experienced, and seen, and tying those to others’ experiences.

Some suggestions if you need some off the top of your head:

  • Read. Good fiction and good nonfiction are equally good, for different reasons. If you’re not sure where to begin, start with the classics. There’s always a “latest and greatest” book hot off the presses that everyone’s talking about right now, but no one will remember 5 years from now. Mostly ignore these, unless they’re covering something that genuinely hasn’t been covered better before. Focus on books that are still hailed as masterpieces 30 years after publication... or 300... or 3,000, where possible. I have some of my own recommendations listed here: “Recommended Reading.”

  • Train. Take training and classes in as many different things as you can find training and classes on. If you live near a university that offers adult learning classes, these are usually pretty inexpensive; or use Meetup.com to find interesting groups that try various things. Have you tried all of archery, skeet shooting, shooting at a rifle range, hunting, fishing, swimming, snorkeling, scuba diving, sky diving, hang gliding, parasailing, windsurfing, surfing, wakeboarding, snowboarding, skiing, jet skiing, ice-skating, roller blading, tennis, basketball, billiards, cricket, ceramics, painting, sculpting, carving, woodworking, metalworking, or any of a million other sports, hobbies, and activities? Probably not, right? But you’d be a lot more interesting if you had...

  • Voyage. Where have you traveled to? Different cities? Different countries? Different continents and cultures? Have you traveled wide? Have you traveled far? Have you traveled deep? When you went to Russia, did you only see Moscow... or did you go deep into the countryside and discover what it’s like in the pastoral regions? Have you ever eaten kimchi with a Korean? Pasta with an Italian? How about wat with an Ethiopian? When’s the last time you learned how to say “Thank you” and “How are you?” in a language you haven’t been speaking since infancy? When’s the last time you slept with a pretty girl you could barely communicate with?

interesting life

  • Connect. Are all your friends of the same mind you are? That’s got to be pretty boring if everyone you know holds the same political views, the same religious beliefs, and comes from the same background. But even more importantly, you aren’t being challenged, you aren’t growing, and you aren’t being exposed to new ways of seeing the world – or the fault lines in your own ways of seeing it. If you want to be more interesting, spend more time with people you don’t see eye-to-eye with and who come from very different backgrounds from you. Keep hanging out with them until you get it, and fully empathize with them.

  • Break free. The most interesting people are the ones doing the things we all want to do but are too afraid to or lack the resources, knowhow, or follow through to. If you want to be more interesting... become one of these people yourself. Become the rock star. Or the airline pilot. Or the party promoter. Become the guy that every woman wants and every man wants to be. Start your own business or go freelance and break free from the chains of your corporate master. Sell off or give away all the clutter you’ve accumulated over a lifetime of living and get your belongings down enough to fit in a single suit case + computer bag (you’ll be a lot happier spending money on experiences than you will collecting and keeping “stuff” – it’s science). Cut negative, draining people out of your life and permit only positive, can-do people in or bust.

These are the things to do to make your life more interesting to outsiders.

Interestingly enough, they also open up the paths to all kinds of things that will keep you interested, too... though frequently may only interest you themselves for only so long, before becoming routine.


Staying Interested

Let’s say your main focus isn’t being more interesting though – you’ve handled that, or are handling it. Instead, what you really want to do is get yourself more interested – in life.

Being more interested is about doing things that are continually stimulating you. That’s where the overlap comes from between being interesting and being interested. The rock star who is still pushing the envelope with what he can do with his music is both interesting and interested. The one who’s quit breaking out of his comfort zone and is just doing what he knows how to do is still interesting (so long as he isn’t slacking off completely... and the music world hasn’t moved on from what he’s doing now), but he probably isn’t all that interested any more. Now he’s tuned out, and only in it for the money / fame / glory / drugs / women.

Being interested means choosing to do things that you are curious to discover what will happen with, but do not yet know.

For instance, if you are playing a game of chess against a worthy opponent, you will probably be interested to see what happens. Will you win? Lose? Draw in a stalemate? Impossible to know – you’ll just have to play the game.

Play a game of chess against a far superior opponent, or a far inferior one, however, and you’ll quickly become disinterested – you know what the outcome will be every time. You soundly beat the inferior opponent, and are soundly beaten by the superior one. Unless you are teaching the game to the inferior opponent, or being taught it by the superior one, you won’t be particularly engrossed.

Everything is like this. Seduction is like this too. It becomes less interesting when you get good, and more predictable. Still fun, of course – but “fun” and “interested” are somewhat different things. A roller coaster ride is fun, but not very interesting, because you know what will happen. However, if the roller coaster flies off the track, or gets stuck upside down, now it’s become much more interesting (although perhaps not quite as much fun).

Therefore, there are two (2) paths to remaining interested. These are:

  • To engage in stimulating things, until they stop stimulating you
  • To give yourself goals and missions to accomplish

The stimulation process works something like this:

  1. Immersion: you immerse yourself in something new that you wanted to do, and assuming it isn’t too overwhelming for you (which it can be if you weren’t properly prepared or bit off more than you can chew), you’re immediately immersed and highly stimulated. Examples: first time in the big city; first time in an exotic culture; first time scuba or sky diving; first time driving a sports car.

  2. Acclimation: as you become more acquainted with a thing and you learn its nuances, it begins to stimulate you and engage you less, and your brain is able to hand more and more of its sensory processing over to the subconscious. Instead of demanding that you be alert and engaged, this increasingly familiar thing more and more becomes something you tune out and disengage from. That makes it easier to navigate, and makes you look more like a seasoned veteran (and makes you more interesting), but also involves you less and makes the luster it holds for you personally to begin to fade.

  3. Apathy: once you are fully acclimated to a thing and it ceases to offer you new stimulation, you become apathetic about it. You grow bored; you’re completely tuned out; what once was engaging and fresh for you is now old hat. If you want to experience the same level of engagement you did at the outset, there’s only one thing left to do: quit this thing and immerse yourself in something else that’s totally new and completely distinct. Time to change cities, change countries, change hobbies, or change rides... if keeping your engagement up is a priority.

This goes for places, it goes for people, and it goes for activities. The immersion-acclimation-apathy cycle is so far as I can tell universal. Even with things that contain a high degree of variability and randomness, the mind still acclimates and just accepts variability / randomness as part of the picture (like gambling; a longtime gambler doesn’t find the slots exciting anymore, even though he still doesn’t have them “figured out”; they are just what he does).

You can actually get some level of immersion again by taking yourself away from a thing and coming back to it later on (ideally, once you start to miss it). Sort of like how the single man misses the companionship of a relationship and the monogamous man misses the thrill of the hunt. Leave your home country and live abroad for a few years, and on your return you’ll find yourself engaged and alert and perceptive at a level you hadn’t been since you were 5 years old... but it doesn’t last. Within a few weeks, you’ve shifted back into apathy, and it’s time to embark on a new adventure once more.

interesting life

Your other option for upping engagement and interestedness, of course, is goals and missions. Perhaps you’re an advanced martial artist, but it no longer engages you like it used to. How do you fare if you climb into the MMA ring? Chances are, you won’t get in and proceed to go straight to the top – most likely, somewhere along the line, someone’s going to hand you your ass.

And at that point, if martial arts was something you were very interested in being good at before, and now consider yourself pretty good at, this’ll serve as a wake up call – and that’s exactly what it is. You have “woken up” from your disengaged autopilot treatment of the subject, and now you have a new mission: win in MMA tournaments (or defeat the opponent who defeated you before).

Just like that, you’re right back in it.

Competitiveness is one of the best motivators there is. Having an enemy you are trying to defeat – someone who’s wronged you or slighted you – is a terrific motivator. It heats the passions and kicks the cogs in your head once more into gear.

If you want to get reengaged, the easiest way on Earth is putting yourself in a position to go up against someone better than you and failing. Imagine this in chess – you might be coasting on autopilot, trouncing people left and right, but then suddenly, inexplicably, you’re beaten – and, after smarting a moment, and maybe declaring that you’re done wasting time on this pointless game, you collect yourself, steel yourself, and resolve to step your game up to a level it’s never been at before.

If you’re creative, you can engineer encounters with people who can “beat” you in almost anything:

  • Big city? Why not try and get a job at a top firm in town, or jump the line at the hottest nightclub? Can’t do it? I guess you haven’t mastered this town after all.

  • Exotic culture? Why not try to start a business there, or court a wealthy local official’s daughter? Can’t pull it off? I guess you haven’t figured out this culture so well after all.

  • Sky diving? Why not try wingsuit flying? Not enough sky diving hours? I guess you aren’t cut out for it yet after all.

Unless you are the best, there’s almost always another notch higher you can take things... and when you get apathetic, it’s generally not because the world’s run out of stimulating things for you, so much as it is that you’ve quit challenging yourself to step it up out of your comfort zone and chase that stimulation down.


How Important is It to be Interesting or Interested?

You know, this is one of those things you could spend your entire life not tending to and never worry about. It depends on your inclinations.

Leading an interesting, unconventional life is difficult. It means continually operating in that paradigm we talked about in “The Civilized Man”: constantly pushing your way into things that everyone around you tells you are too hard, too bad, or too useless, only for you to come out on the other end being lauded for your achievements. That’s too unpleasant for most people to bother with trying to do... it’s just easier to go with the flow.

And leading a life that keeps you continually interested is probably even MORE difficult. It’s one thing to choose a few things to add into your life that interest you... it’s another entirely to periodically ratchet up your goals or rotate out your sources of stimulation in order to ensure that you stay interested.

Most folks pick things/places/people that interest them at first, and then keep those things until they become routine, at which point the fire in their eyes dies and they become the autopilot zombies you see out there. Nobody starts out on autopilot... it’s just where you end up. That’s probably okay for most folks though, who don’t want to change all the time. They just want to get somewhere safe and relaxing.

In fact, if I had to list priorities for most of the world’s population it’d be: be safe and be relaxed. If that’s not enough for you... you’re one of those weirdo outliers (don’t worry, I’m one of those crazy “live with uncertainty and be uncomfortable” people too, more often than not – though we all have our own thresholds for how much uncertainty and discomfort we can “comfortably” tolerate. I’ll stay in a hot, seedy hotel with slow Internet, bugs crawling on me, and my hair curled up from the humidity for a while and be fine, but after a few weeks of this I will probably want the Ritz with air conditioning, a hair dryer, and fast connection speeds).

If you’ve realized you’re someone who needs something other than “be safe and be relaxed” though, and you’ve realized you’re on autopilot and you want to get off of it, well, you know what you need to do: get engaged. Get stimulated. Set goals, challenge yourself, and get to work.

This is one of those things that’s entirely objective. You may be perfectly happy as a normal person living a normal life and not having to be engaged. Most people want things to remain relatively predictable, and not change too much, and not have to do too much, remember.

But if you want to be more interesting, and/or more interested, then stimulation, newness, uncertainty, and challenge are your lifeblood. New skills and experiences to be interesting; new challenges and sensations and discoveries to be interested.

If that’s you – and you want to be more interesting, or more interested – the path is clear: do more.

And make sure, whatever it is you will do, that it isn’t too easy or too predictable, because the apathy ease and predictability bring is the total opposite of the activity and enlightenment that struggle and uncertainty do.

Always,
Chase

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Comments

Anonymous's picture

Good article but...


Interesting article ;-P

I liked most of it but don't quite agree fully with your immersion - acclimation - apathy cycle. I think you over generalise here.

It's a funny one, it seems with some things this cycle remains true, some things really do become boring and tedious after doing them for a while, but in my life I have found that many things retain their original excitement.

For example, my second job of you like is of a painter, I have been painting for around 10 years now and whenever I start painting a picture that I believe in I feel the same sense of excitement I felt all those years ago trying to complete the picture, because every picture is different and saying something different, just as every moment is different and unique.

Same thing with travel, I have been traveling the world for over 20 years and have been to many countries - I can say with complete honesty I still feel such excitement when I am planning a new trip and selecting a country or countries to visit and which sights to see, same as the night before the flight - I am always excited that it disrupts my sleep oftentimes.

And it's not even that I go to different places all the time, I have a place I visit almost every year on Cape Verde (amazing little island) and every time I arrive and very day I spend there is as good as the first time I visited.

I think the real key to retaining excitement is just to keep your life moving, and never let it stagnate and turn into something that is completely familiar. Always be doing different things even if those things are cyclic.

Because even though I often visit the same countries and have the same routine in most days, it is full of stuff, I never just do a few thing I do many, it seems to keep my brain constantly wired and in the moment so to speak.

Chase Amante's picture

Zoom Levels

Author

Anon-

Artistic expression - pure artistic expression, where you are creating what you want, rather than, say, sitting in a symphony orchestra where you just play someone else's music, or painting boring, repetitive advertisements for a mass marketer - is one of those things that generally stays fresh because each new project is something new in and of itself. Now, if you kept obsessively painting the same painting again and again, that might get a little old... although there are also people out there who are obsessives, and for them it isn't about excitement or newness or freshness but a fear of imperfection.

Travel to a favorite destination is like getting back with an ex-girlfriend - you get the rush of emotions at first and it's amazing as it was the first time through, although you acclimate much faster your second, third, fourth, fifth times, etc., than you did the first time around when everything was completely new. So long as you're just taking it in small and infrequent doses you can keep enjoying it each time you go, though.

Chase

Troy's picture

Nice!


I enjoyed this article. Since lately have been doing a lot more reading on a wide variety of topics. Many people I meet seem to only be able to talk on probably three topics in debt. Basically one dimensionalsand I'm just like them. So now I'm building basic reference points by pushing my comfort zone.

Chase, this article is on time with where I am in life now. While I am taking on new activities, I many times don't like doing anything and I dislike other things. I don't naturally find most things fun to do and it sometimes becomes a drag. Let's say for example, a man enjoys listening to music and dancing. He can talk about those things none stop but he doesn't know anything about any other activities or doesn't like them. He might say " I love music and dancing but I hate talking about wrestling and guns."

That's like me and if I recall correctly, you mentioned somewhere in here that you don't find most things naturally interesting. It's all about being CURIOUS ABOUT NEW THINGS.

What could someone do to get them more INTERESTED IN LOTSVOF DIFFERENT to lead an interesting life?

Troy

Chase Amante's picture

Interest

Author

Troy-

Well, if he's trying to get someone else interested, that's a lot of work and has a high failure rate. You can drag someone along to various things, but often all you'll do is fatigue him and put strain on your friendship. Occasionally you may yank him right into something he takes to, however... depends on the person.

As for yourself, all you can do is try your hand at various things and attempt to get to a base level of proficiency with those you'd like to try that with. Many things you won't enjoy and become interested in until you're a little bit good with them, and then it becomes a different story than when you were just starting out and awful.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Is it possible to turn being


Is it possible to turn being a natural loner into something alluring?

David Riley's picture

Article Link


Hey Anon,

3 Flavors of Sexy

Look at the section under Brooding

Just Dave

Anonymous's picture

Nice, thank-you. That article


Nice, thank-you. That article suggests that if I am the brooding type, I havnt much hope without a social circle. A loner has no social circle! So I can either get one or cultivate another flavor. Trying to be the smooth guy is what I have been doing, though it seems when girls find out I have no friends or social circle, I lose that cohesion.

Something to experiment with.

David Riley's picture

Noted!


Hey Anon,

I will let Chase and the other authors know about writing up an article related to being a loner.

Just Dave

The M's picture

Great articles


Hey Chase! Your last three articles (on being interesting, adventurous, and cool) are all wonderful. They give a lot of insight not just about women, but about living a fulfilling life in general. I'll be sure to practice them. Just wanted to put that out there. :)

The M

Chase Amante's picture

Cheers

Author

Thanks M!

Anonymous's picture

Chase, about this special


Chase, about this special sex position you talked about
in your article " make her orgasm hard", do you
think it will work for someone who is having sex the first time
and trying out the technique? Or should you be experienced
then try it out for better results?

Zifzaf's picture

Great article


Hey man, loved the article. I try to read as much inspiring material as I can, because I want to surround myself with the concepts and values I want to have on mind. Really liked this article.
By the time I was 13, my family immigrated twice to a new country. I am 26 now, and in the last 14 years I have lived in around 20 different places. Additionally I have travelled a lot, have lived abroad too, and I speak 4 languages. I have worked in office jobs, and have started freelancing in the last 2 years.
I get bored extremely quickly with most things, places and people. I love adventure and meeting new people, travelling, new cultures, but a new activity, place or job becomes boring for me after 3-4 months. I even got bored of travelling after 3 months! I even have to say that I once read your website religiously, for 3 months, got great results with women, and then I just got bored with that too.
What do you reckon, is it good to focus on how to appreciate what you have in a stable environment, or to listen to yourself and try to find new stimulations constantly? In the past I tried to force myself to appreciate what I had (and failed), and now I have pretty much given in to my internal boredom-bomb, and realised I need to have lots of adventure and new experiences, new places etc.

Chase Amante's picture

Rapid Boredom

Author

Zifzaf-

That's tough. I can't say there's a "right" answer... I will say that I periodically force my own self to stick with things for a while after boring with them, especially if there's some degree of skill mastery involved. Often I find that once you fight past the initial boredom phase, you come out on the other end with a skill set that's very useful and the thing stops being boring anymore and just becomes something you do automatically without having to think about.

That's where things like the 100 hour rule come in - for pushing yourself through that initial apathetic period you get after you've done something a bit and the initial newness and excitement has worn out.

Of course, you want to make sure anything you do that with is something you're genuinely convinced will be good for you and is worth fighting boredom/apathy/lethargy for a while to get down. You're usually going to have far more things you've abandoned that things you've persisted with if you're trying many new things, and that's fine. Everyone has his own special interests and skill sets that appeal to him most and that he focuses the majority of his energies into.

Chase

Jason Tsai's picture

woW


Again, one of the reason I love this website.

It doesn't just offer seduction articles, but it manages to pump out articles about lifestyles. Once again,
it was a very wonderful/helpful article!

Thanks and keep up the good work Chase!

Jason

Dave80's picture

Excellent


Chase,
Great article, man. I like the ones about living an interesting life suitable for the "sexy male" who we should all be.

This brings me to a question/article suggestion. I accidentally posted this under Cody's article, thinking you wrote it (thanks Dyslexia!):

Have you thought about an article about how being a sexy male can help or hurt you in the work place?

This is something I've been thinking of more and more since I work in a professional setting and I have one boss who is a female and one who is a male. I play the sexy male role with the female, but does this help or hurt me?

I won't have sex with her because she's my boss so can this hurt me?
If she gets jealous of me being with another woman or if she feels like she needs to control me since she can't have sex with me? On the other hand, being sexy means she may want to please me or may want me to like her, so it may help in the work setting. What do you think?
And what do male superiors think of men who other women want? I would think they could either be jealous or if the boss is a normal, cool guy, he might like that male employee and want to even hang out with him.

Thanks Chase!

David Riley's picture

Noted!


Hey 80,

I will let Chase and the other author's know about your request.

Just Dave

Anonymous's picture

points that struck to me as


hey Chase,

I would like to split my article into two sections
1. Just last week i went on a marathon run to watch the TV series Breaking Bad.( Dont ask me why so late ) and if you have already seen the series you might be familiar with the protagonist Walter White. An old man on the verge of dying , who goes on rampage trying to make the most in his final days sidestepping the law . As powerful as the character is there is this one particular episode that struck to me as the quintessential point in seduction. One where the cops are addressing the school staff for stolen lab equipment. Our Mr. White here has just pulled off a big deal and has serious testosterone spike. And he sitting next to his wife in the middle of a meeting hall rubs his hands against her hips turning her on.. And the look on his face says it all. A little cunning , in control,not giving a fuck about anything but his testosterone spike and that is first time that i realized the difference between a romantic and a seducer. When you mentioned in particular before that this site focuses primarily on seduction it never really made sense to me because coming from an Indian background we focus on winning the heartt of the person over seducing him first. But now attraction first and comfort later makes so much sense. But still a comprehensive article on seductor vs a romantic lover would be perfect summarise the point.

2. Now that we are currently reading the article about lifestyle i would like to ask you about this important point. I read your article on fewer strong ties and a lot of strong ones. One of my favorites. Here i would like to point out a few things. Since i feel it is very important in seduction to be non needy.. does neediness step from a rejection .. not only in terms of girls but from a social circle. Suppose there is a social circle that you virtually created out of nothing. You were the reason it was formed and than because you suddenly got busy with your life you not only lost touch with it but you were no longer the leader but just a participant. I know this isnt a serious reason but it does make you drop your confidence. what would be the best way to handle such situations? what mental attitude can make you outcome independent of your social environment ?

David Riley's picture

Noted and Ring Leader


Hey Anon,

First comment:
I will let Chase and the other authors know about your request.

Second comment:
It really depends on the person for me personally I'm not bothered. A lot of times a new leader is necessary if you fade out the group. I always focus on building up my friends. I've honestly had friends who took the group to new levels invite me out and show me a great time. It all comes down to humility. I don't try to muscle my way back into groups. A lot of times I just fade and create new social circles. As long as the group doesn't try to ostracize you, it's not a problem. There's a difference between being genuinely busy and people ignoring you. If you feel like people are ignoring you call them out on it. Other times social circles just naturally die out on their on. People get a boyfriend/girlfriend, new job, move away, or people grow apart. In the end, you can only control how you feel. You can't let other people control your mood or vibe.

Just Dave

lucifer's picture

"she'd drop everything for a chance with me." showboating a bit?


Chase,

you go around guaranteeing that your ex girlfriends would set everything aside in their life just for a chance to get you back?
And proposing to call them to prove the point?

Now I do believe 100% that it's true, but why going around showboating it?
What's the point?

I don't think it makes you look much better, if not quite the opposite actually.
And even if it did, it doesn't sound very respectful for the people that were in your life.

Before your friend held in high self esteem your ex, now she might think of her as a poor chick who got her ass dumped.

Not a very classy move when talking about common friends in my opinion...

And of course the only reason why I take the time to write this is because I hold you in high esteem and it struck me as odd reading you'd behave like that.

Chase Amante's picture

Context

Author

Lucifer-

I'd never say that about a girl I broke up with. My normal M.O. is to let girls break up with me, as I did with the ex-girlfriend in question.

The girlfriend I was having this dialogue with was attempting to undercut my value (and had at other times) by painting that break up as the other girl wising up to me and booting me out, so some straightening out of the record was in order.

That's the only time I will talk like that (or recommend talking like that); the rest of the time I'll say things about an ex like, "I'm sure she's perfectly happy without me," and, "She's probably already got another guy she's head over heels with." The exception is when a girl takes this a little too seriously and doesn't read the subtext of you being gracious toward your ex (usually because she is inexperienced and not as good at reading between the lines), and you need to circle back and drop the subtlety and just talk straight with her before you have a girlfriend acting uppity because she thinks she's schooled you and you're lower value now.

I suppose this wasn't the clearest example to use in the article, though.

Chase

Nick's picture

Yea, I got to agree with


Yea, I got to agree with Lucifer on this, seemed odd, no bad intentions most likely from you but you unintentionally made your friend look like a loser who can't keep a girl and is only a rebound, and cast your ex in a bad light, casting down her achievements and her job, making her look uncool for how distraught and lost she seems without you.

Does context matter in this sense though? If you feel that you will be harmed in some way you will toss your friends under the bus to make you seem superior or prevent damage?There is not a better way to circumvent it, or even better prevent it?

Did you need all that dialogue about your friends to prove your point about how an exciting life is always seen from the outside?
All this seems to make you two-faced, when you are not under fire you will praise the people close to you, but when you are you won't hesitate for a second to make them look bad to get attention off of you? Do you your girlfriends and friends pickup on this?

And shit, even if she thought for a second that your ex dumped you you have lower value then before, does it matter cause the next day, next week she will forget about it, cause you will be doing amazing things and she will see that, actions speak quite a bit. She should be able to look at that friend of yours who is most likely not as great with women as you are and make that connection that the ex would get with you in a heartbeat even inexperienced girls seem perceptive of these things. If it snowballs you can call her out on it in way that doesn't involve your friends, shit girls say all kinds of things to their boyfriends to let them know they aren't completely satisfied with their situation, questioning their manhood, comparing their friends in a better light than him, trying to shame him so he will commit more, etc. Whatever words she feels fits her solution she will use, not to be taken seriously. If she truly feels that the ex dumped you, again my man there has to be a better way than involving your friends.

Anyway, I hope this post does not come across as if I am angry or that I am the Spanish inquisition. Most of my questions are only inquisitive or trying to better understand. I might be showing some of my morals in this post but I am not trying to shame or change yours. Obviously you are a very pragmatic individual. I just feel that strong people should lifts others up, excluding those that take value from others, I am not mad if you feel different. If I had a friend who did this and I found out about it I most likely wouldn't care or get upset, but I would be sure to remember and involve him less in my life, because if he could say compliments to my face and then talk shit about me behind my back because he feels the situation demands it who knows what else he can do to me if he feels the situation demands it. Also, what you said about your friends isn't a big deal in the long run unless you continually do it and they get gist of it.

The rest of the article is great by the way and I hope my comments don't make you repress your thoughts and opinions or make you use less anecdotes or flashbacks from your life, makes the articles interesting.

Nick

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