“I am the Prize”: How to REALLY Get This Mindset with Women
article on sticking points, a commenter
“Hey Chase, how would you go about framing the "I am the Prize" frame? Or would you think of this as more of a devoped mindset?”
"I am the prize."
Brings back memories.
The first thing I ever read about pickup or seduction back in November 2005 introduced me to the phrase. I was searching on the Internet for anything I could find to help me iron out some of the kinks I was finding with these girls I was meeting in bars and nightclubs.
Most of the advice I came across was pure nonsense. But then I found this one guy.
I read one of his articles. It was on a silly-sounding website
called "Dr. Dating" or something of the sort.
But this article made sense.
More than that... it gave me ideas I hadn't even thought of yet, but
that intuitively fit into my model of how attraction worked.
I read another article by the same guy.
Wow... someone who ACTUALLY knew what he was TALKING ABOUT with girls!
At the bottom of each of his articles was a link to purchase his
eBook for $49.95. And after reading the third
article, I was convinced - at last, I had found someone who knew things
about women I did not (not yet, anyway). So, I bought the book.
And right there, in the introduction to this book that I felt confident was going to supercharge my learning process, was the message the author most wanted to convey: the mindset a man needed to succeed with women was this: I am the prize.
I've always felt like the "I am the prize" mindset thrown about in the seduction community has always been a bit of a non sequitur standing next to the techniques that are generally taught.
"Go up and open her, and remember your A-game... and don't forget that you're the prize!"
No one ever seems to point out the one thing that doesn't make sense about this advice - the prize doesn't do the chasing.
The prize does not approach.
If you want to win that big stuffed bear at the county fair, you've got to hit the bottles with the baseballs - the bear isn't the one throwing the baseballs at bottle in order that you might be able to win it.
The bear's the prize; all it does is sit there and wait to be won. You do all the work.
So how'd the guys in the pickup community ever get the idea that you ought to do all the work to win a girl over... and at the same time consider yourself the prize to be won?
A Frustrating Disconnect
This obvious-when-you-point-it-out-but-otherwise-below-the-radar thing of thinking yourself the prize while acting like the pursuer is something that plagues a lot of men starting out learning how to get girls.
They go out, put a lot of work in to try to get better with women,
approach themselves like self-improvement projects, approach a girl, talk to her,
connect with her, vibe with her, and then she rejects them.
And it's an outrage. How can she reject you when you're the prize?!
That's what these guys are left wondering.
It's very frustrating. I know, I went through it too... I'm the prize, damnit! Don't you see that, woman?!
The author of that book I read back in 2005 - a guy going by the name "Swingcat" - advised learning a number of routines designed to make women chase after you, starting with the infamous "opinion opener" - this was the mid-2000s pick up artist's opener of choice that let him fly in under totally harmless pretenses, but would get him in front of the girl and let her chase after him.
That was how it was supposed to work. He'd go in neutral, not showing interest - showing disinterest, even - all the while displaying higher value than the girl, inspiring her to take an interest in him and, then, to start chasing him.
He's the prize, she's the pursuer.
The whole philosophy was based on rather sound thinking - when I was in high school, I had a lot of girls chasing after me because I'd find ways to capture their attention in class or in the hallways, often without talking to them at all, and show my sense of humor and coolness and social dominance as I did. Pretty soon they'd be chasing.
But the mistake the opinion opener / "I am the prize" guys made in teaching newer guys this philosophy was this: new guys usually haven't figured out how to be attractive to women in these ways yet.
So newer guys fly in under the radar, totally platonic and neutral, get themselves in front of a woman, churn out a few routines, and... nothing happens.
She looks at the guy, bored and uninterested, maybe chats or banters for a few minutes to be nice or because she has nothing better to do, and then she excuses herself to go to the bathroom or go find her friends or because she really must be going.
And the poor fellow's left standing there wondering why she didn't realize that he's the prize.
A Good Goal, But Not a Technique
"I am the prize" is not a technique.
It's not something you can just go "do."
I get the impression a lot of guys chant it like a mantra to themselves and expect this to magically turn them into beautiful woman magnets as a result.
"I'm the prize! I'm the prize! I AM THE PRIZE!!"
And then they look around angry and confused when it doesn't work: "Why are women still not chasing after me?"
In fact, setting yourself up as the prize is a great goal - it's central to the message of this website: get girls chasing YOU.
It's just not something you repeat to yourself a few times and then suddenly it happens, though, any more than you can tell yourself, "Women attack me with lust every time I step out of the door," and have that happen either.
It is something to work towards, rather than something to snap your fingers and get.
Having a goal of, "I am going to perfect myself and my approach with women until I am the prize," is a much more effective way of going about things than simply stating, "I am the prize," and being disappointed when women don't automatically agree.
The answer to this question is intimately linked with the problem some commenters here have stated they have with dating, I believe: feeling like they aren't "good enough" for girls.
I can't say I have all that much firsthand experience with "not feeling good enough" for women. I've had the prettiest girls at least chasing me since I was quite young... even if I didn't know what to do with all that interest, and wasn't any good at translating it into something more substantial.
So I've always felt that, yes, I was the prize.
For this reason, learning how to pick up a girl was a bit of a tough pill to swallow for me at first. I felt entitled to it... I shouldn't even have to do anything; women should just want me!
But, like what we talked about in the article on sprezzatura and the one on making seduction efficient, you must go through the fire of being the guy who's trying too hard and getting little return on his actions before you can become the guy who does little and gets much.
You must be the Jester before you become the King.
Do You Need to Tell Yourself You're the Prize?
Imagine yourself, if you're just starting out with meeting women, a few years down the road (or, if you've been at it for a while, this might be you a good bit sooner, or maybe even is you right now). Beautiful, intelligent women with captivating personalities want you, chase you, and long for you.
You are the prize.
When you go out, much of the time you only need to say a few things to a girl, just start a conversation with her, and quickly after she's pursuing you... investing far more into it than you are... pressing her phone number into your hands and staring into your eyes as she tells you, "Call me. Really."
The date's a cakewalk... you could do it in your sleep. She's the one doing most of the work, anyway. All you do is make the decisions.
When you end up back at your place - almost, it seems, by accident - and start kissing her, it's what she's been waiting for. She puts up a little bit of token resistance, but the truth is, she's not going to turn a guy like you down. She might never get another shot at you if she did.
Girls you sleep with fall in love with you quickly... too quickly. No matter what you do, you can't seem to help it. You take to not seeing them too many times - maybe not more than once or twice - unless you know for sure you want a relationship with them.
And the girls you do have relationships with? They're talking about marriage within a few nights of being together with you... sometimes the first night. They play it off like a joke, but you know it's not REALLY a joke.
And when the relationship ends, they're always devastated, much as
you might hate for that to be the case. You're always THE man they
wanted... and they always try to get you back later.
You don't need to chant affirmations in your head for this. There is no saying "I am the prize!" while staring into the mirror or walking into the grocery store or the nightclub.
You just expect women to act this way around you, because it's how they do act around you.
It isn't a "belief." It's the way things are.
Do you think there's any chance you might think you aren't "good enough" for women if this was you?
Thinking You Are vs. Knowing You Are
There's a line in The Matrix, during the combat training sequence, where Morpheus tells Neo:
“Don't think you are. Know you are.”
It sounds like great advice. It's advice repeated by motivational speakers and religious figures, right back to Jesus, who commands the apostle Peter to join him in walking on water and tells him he'll be able to so long as he believes in his heart that he can.
The problem with knowing you can do something is that, unlike thinking, guessing, or hoping you can do something, actually knowing it requires some measure of past experience (successfully) doing the thing.
You don't know or truly believe you can do something until you've done it (false confidence not withstanding... and that doesn't hold up all that well under pressure).
Many people hear platitudes like this, and say to themselves, "Okay, I've just got to know it. I've just got to believe it."
And then they go about saying and thinking it to themselves, over and over, trying to ingrain this thought into their brains as a belief, or a kind of knowledge.
If only they can go over it enough times, they reason, they can learn to know it / believe it.
But as they go about doing this, all they're really still doing is thinking it.
The knowing comes only through experience.
“I am the Prize” - How to Really Believe It
When will you know you're the prize?
Only when you already are.
Only when your life circumstances, your data sets, your reference points reinforce this believe.
Only then do you know it, instead of think it.
So how do you do that? How do you become that man women chase and pursue?
This entire website is devoted to it.
Everything on here is dedicated to arming you with the tools you need to remake yourself, to go out there and start doing things differently and transform yourself into a man who IS the prize.
Read the articles here - there's a great primer with a lot of the links broken down into chunks and categories in "How to Find the Woman You Most Want: A 10-Step Process" - or check out the program catalog. This website was built to teach you how to make women chase you - how to become the prize.
You can't snap your fingers and be "the prize."
You can't stare into the mirror and chant, "I am the prize," again and again until you believe it.
You can't have a hypnotist come and recondition your mind to make yourself believe that you are God's gift to women and every woman knows it.
You can only go learn how to be it, through gradually improving yourself and your approach with women, and let your mindset change as your results change.
So, What Good is This Mindset Anyway?
Should you even worry about all this "I'm the prize" mumbo jumbo?
After all, if you can't use it until you ARE it, what's the point of even worrying about it in the FIRST place?
Being aware of the "I am the prize" mindset is useful, I believe, for one reason: knowing what your goal is.
If your goal is, "I'm going to chant 'I am the prize' until I firmly believe I am the prize," that's a pretty cruddy goal, and you're going to end up being pretty disappointed.
But if your goal is, "I'm going to work on honing my image, my skill set with women, and myself, bit by bit, until I AM the prize, and women chase after me hard, and I KNOW it, and THEY know it, and they can SMELL it on me," now that's a goal that can lead you to some life satisfaction.
The next time you hear someone say, "Dude, remember, you're the prize," just think of it like as if he's saying, "Play it cool, obey the Law of Least Effort, get investment from her, and let her chase. If you've got your fundamentals strapped down tightly enough, she will."
Hear it that way, and you will never be disappointed.
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