How to Be Smooth with Girls Every Time


About 3 weeks ago on the post announcing the site's new forum, a reader named "D" asked about escalating things with women, being seductive, and cool – essentially, how to be smooth.

how to be smooth

Here's the gist of D's comment:

Brother, I can initiate with no problems and create that instant attraction. But I seem to hit a wall at some point shortly after. I tend to have difficulty escalating to physicality. Granted I'm not very experienced in my endeavors but have been reading, studying, and trying to better myself; both in my body language and self image.

I need to know how to ignite the spark that I create and squirt a little gas on it.

I can create an opener from nothing and sometimes get 1 or 2 dates. Then something goes south. I try to be funny and witty, which works with openers, but I need to flip the switch to escalation and being SMOOTH to seal the deal! I feel like I have read almost everything out there so please my brother, let me know if you have any advice. I appreciate all that you've done and anything you can do to help me. Thank you!

And just a week ago, another commenter, xChaser, this time on the post about anxiety in men, asked about something very similar, saying:

Hi Chase,

I again want to let you know you blog is impacting lot of guys lives. I have improved a lot from implementing what's discussed here. I have one request on a topic that pretty much helps the new guys not end up wasting lot of time.

Basically what I noticed is as we gain in knowledge, we get more succesful at dealing with girls, but after moving quite forward in the interaction sometimes [after] a small mistake the girl drops you like a ball, never to recover.

Could you cover a topic around this major critical point where you up the ante and at least during initial days avoid those traps rather getting dropped flat after spending so much time on the girl.

I guess you got my point.

Thanks in advance,
xChaser

Both commenters are asking about something I call "transition points" – those moments in an interaction with a woman where it's time for you to take things to the next level... if you can only figure out how.

Most guys can't, and drop the ball, as xChaser put it.

But what if you didn't drop the ball?

What if you could handle transition points like a pro every time?

What I'm asking is... what if you knew how to be smooth?

Because that's what I'm going to teach you to be today.


how to be smooth

When I was first learning how to pick up girls, most of the guys around me didn't really have a whole lot I could learn from. Even after I moved to Washington, D.C. in mid-2006, and I started hanging out with other aspiring seducers, all of them were as choppy with women as I was then – or worse.

Some of them much worse.

But even those guys were better than what I'd see out of your average run-of-the-mill Joe on the street or in the bar – all those guys knew how to do was get drunk, mumble or shout things at girls, try and grope them, fail, and end up in a fist fight with some other drunk guy who'd equally failed in his mumblings, shoutings, and gropings after all the girls got fed up for the night and went home to sleep.

And then I moved out to Southern California, and right away met a guy far better with women than anyone I'd known in a long time.

He'd talk to them, joke around with them, and move them around effortlessly.

He was charming.

He was attractive.

He was smooth.

And suddenly, in an instant, I realized in an instant how un-smooth I was.

I did not have this guy's ease with the opposite sex. Every girl I'd landed before I'd basically had to steam roll through... or, occasionally, I'd pulled off a smooth seduction through sheer luck or accident.

But this guy was pulling things off smoothly all the time.

Soon I made another friend who was as smooth as the first. Then another.

Between these three friends, I quickly got an education on what it meant to be smooth... and I knew if I wanted to make meeting and picking up and seducing and dating women as easy and straightforward and intuitive as these friends of mine had, I was going to need a complete "smooth" overhaul.


Being Smooth: An Outsider's Perspective

how to be smoothWhen you're sitting on the outside, looking in at a guy who's smooth, it looks to you essentially like this:

  • Nothing fazes him
  • Everything is natural
  • Everything is effortless
  • He's always in control of things
  • He's never stiff or uncomfortable
  • Even setbacks are handled with ease and adroitness, as if he's seen it all and done it all a million times before already

Some of that may sound familiar to you if you've been reading this site for a time - you'll recognize the "effortless" and "natural" elements of smooth as outcroppings of what we talked about in these articles:

If you haven't read those articles yet, or it's been a while and you've forgotten what they were all about, I recommend you go check them out first to get a handle on the tremendous IMPACT that effort has on your social power and your ability to present yourself as attractive and dominant.

But here's the long and short on effort: women and men alike find the individuals with the highest level of return on their actions and the lowest level of apparent visible effort exerted to achieve results to be the most attractive.

If you want a cookie, and I want a cookie, and I've got to get up to go get it, but you can snap your fingers and have someone bring it to you, or push a button and the cookie is delivered down a conveyor belt to you, you look cooler, stronger, and more powerful and attractive than me.

Effort - and the minimization thereof - is undoubtedly a part of being smooth.

But it isn't the whole picture.

So what is? How do you get those other parts - how do you stop being fazed, always be in control, kill stiffness and discomfort, and handle every setback encountered like you've seen it a hundred times before, even if you've never even seen it once?

I could get cliché on you here and just say, "Well, confidence, of course! Duh!"

But that's the easy answer (and not a very helpful one, at that). Instead, today's article is going to take a far more nuanced look at how to be smooth, in order that you might make attraction and transition handling far more snap... than snafu.


how to be smooth

When a lot of people think of "smooth," the image they get in their heads is of a used car salesman with the perfect pitch who, try as he might, can't help but rub you a little bit the wrong way... maybe it's because he just won't shut up, or maybe it's how every word out of his mouth seems to be something he's practiced a hundred times before.

But that's not smooth; that's slick.

A guy who really knows how to be smooth isn't just good; he's natural. Have a look at this clip from The Saint with Val Kilmer and Elizabeth Shue:

Kilmer has a good "feel" about him, right? But he isn't slick... he's smooth.

Take a glance through some of the nuances of the clip, in case you missed them:

  • Kilmer looks down initially when Shue looks over, but not immediately; he holds eye contact for a split second, just long enough for him to tell her he's interested, but he's not going to chase after her. When you've locked onto someone's eyes before they've locked onto yours, you normally need to break eye contact first to not feel like a threat (to give them a chance to assess you without being watched).

  • He gives her a chance to check him out without checking out back, then speaks to her just as she quickens her pace as she's leaving - just as awkwardness begins to set in, he breaks it and opens her.

  • He keeps his eye contact broken until she gives him a reason to reestablish it strongly, putting his gaze on her to communicate, "I'm listening."

  • He deep dives very quickly, going from a simple question into finding out something she loves, and putting the burden of the interaction on her to define to him something that's in her head but she hasn't taken time to examine much before.

  • He doesn't give feedback after her answer, only goes back to his drawing, as if he didn't have a care in the world. But he knows she has to ask him something now... it's far too awkward for her to simply leave after just having told him something intimate about herself, so he's able to be both extremely intriguing and to get her pursuing him and interested right away.

  • After she asks him about himself, he's both humble and intriguing, and then he follows the cardinal rule of conversation management and he turns it back to her, asking her what she searches for... another deep and intimate question.

  • He then asks a question that seems to break the flow of the conversation, which confuses her ("Why's he asking this?") and intrigues and excites her further. The question is made both dream-like ("Perhaps I'll take you to my home, in Africa") and relevant to the conversation ("... you should experience the energy of where all life began"), which ups his impression as a powerful man and a mysterious one.

  • He moves very quickly, and acts as if he's about to kiss her... and she appears both excited and willing for it. Then he breaks that and moves off, saying he's not good with people, which makes him more vulnerable and relatable after he's just built himself up as this powerful, intriguing, mysterious man capable of drawing intimate details out of her with ease.

There is a lot of detail packed into that short scene, and it's the reason why The Saint, although its seductions are only a small part of the movie, was one of the biggest things I modeled myself after early on in my seduction career.

Because while you might picture James Bond in a tuxedo with a hint of a smirk on his face when you think of smooth, you don't have to dress like a penguin just to be smooth.

Smooth isn't about your clothes, you see (as evidenced by the clip above).

And it isn't about being snarky or witty, although a little well-placed humor doesn't hurt (if you watch the rest of The Saint, you'll see Kilmer use humor as that character later on too). Nor is it about talking a mile-a-minute and never letting the other person get a word in edgewise, per the used car salesman example.

Rather, being smooth is about being both confidently strong and purposeful and completely non-needy in the face of whatever you encounter.

And in case you think that's too vague, let's get a little more specific.


Defining “Smooth”

Can a college student be smooth? How about a software engineer? A construction worker? An office manager?

Yes, yes, yes... and yes.

Smooth doesn't have anything to do with your profession.

Nor does it have anything to do with your physical characteristics - those smooth friends of mine I told you about in Southern California made up a full spectrum of ethnicities: one of them was Korean American, one of them was white, and one of them was black. Two were in great shape, but one was stick thin. One was an inch over 6 feet tall, one was three inches below that, and another was another three inches below him. And those famously picky, beautiful California girls loved all of them.

And the first "smooth" guy I ever knew was a 5'3" Puerto Rican salesman with a beer gut who only slept with attractive women who had at least 4 inches on him... and he slept with a lot of attractive women who had at least 4 inches on him.

Smooth doesn't even have to do with energy levels; I've seen guys who were bouncing off the walls but still oozing smooth, and I've seen guys who hardly ever lifted a finger dripping with smooth.

Smooth is not about your look, or your characteristics, or your background or profession. Those things might matter somewhat for other aspects of attraction, but they don't play a part in smooth.

What smooth IS, ultimately, is all about THIS:

Being clearly and comfortably in control.

Sort of like the used car salesman example, when a lot of people think of a man being "in control," they get the wrong idea. Usually they think of:

  • A big muscular alpha male jock barking orders and intimidating everyone around him

  • An angry, unevenly tempered man snapping at the slightest straying from his orders by his submissive and retreating girlfriend

  • A guy sitting at the top of his social circle, in his preferred environment, who's used to having things go his way and giving commands and having his friends or toadies fulfill them

But none of those are truly in control. The first two examples are men who are maintaining control by a hair; they only remain in control so long as they can continue intimidating those they control. The instant those being controlled wise up to their act, or no longer need them, their illusion of control vanishes, and their subjects simply walk away.

And the third example, of the guy in his social circle, his control doesn't last, because it doesn't translate. At some point, his friends move to other cities, or get married, or get a job that takes up their time and they stop being able to hang out. If his power is at work, his employees leave, he changes jobs or gets promoted or changes departments, and suddenly his powerbase is gone. It's a very fleeting form of control... and it doesn't to anything for his success with women outside of the one environment where he pulls his strings at.

Those normal examples people think of when they think of someone in control are wrong, because they imagine a man who is seemingly in control, while in fact is on the very precipice of losing control.

Real control though, you do not lose, even when things don't go your way.

Now let's have a look at how you can get it, and at how to be smooth... and, by extension, at how to get girls by the boatload.


how to be smooth

Why do women find a man comfortably and stably in control so attractive?

We could go deep into evolutionary psychology on this one... but rather than do that, allow to give you a few examples of different men:

  1. A weak, emotionally needy man who is not in control at all
  2. A man who is in control, but hanging on by a thread and using fear/intimidation
  3. A man who is easily and effortlessly in control, comfortable, and smooth

Which man would you want to have around you in any capacity? Which man strikes you as the most stable and trustworthy as the bunch? Which man would you want to have as a friend, a business partner, a brother-in-arms in a time of war?

And which one do you think a woman would want to invest her time, her energy, and her body into?

It's pretty obvious when you put it that way, isn't it: the third one. Hands down.

Everybody wants to be around a man who's smooth. The man who knows how to be smooth knows how to command the attention, attraction, and desire of the masses.

how to be smooth

But, knowing what it is is one thing... actually being it, well - that's something else altogether. You may have watched that video clip of Kilmer above... but can you do that? And even if you pull it off at the start... can you maintain that?


How to Be Smooth with Women (and Everyone Else)

There are three stages of becoming smooth that you will go into (assuming you're just an ordinary, average guy who isn't already in the process of being smooth). These are:

  1. Understanding what "smooth" is and trying to be it... somewhat awkwardly
  2. Becoming more smooth and having "lucky breaks" where you seem very smooth
  3. Reaching the point where you are now naturally smooth almost always

I'm going to take you through each of these, and give you plenty of examples of how they play out and what they look like, both in normal conversation, and during the transition points (moving things forward with women), where smoothness is at its most essential.


Beginner Smooth

As a beginner at learning how to be smooth, you'll be focused on a handful of things:

  1. Tamp down your enthusiasm. A smooth man is never amazed, or awed, or overly impressed by anything. He will show flashes of excitement and animation... but he never goes crazy. Nothing is truly "new" for him... he's seen it all before.

    What this means for you as a beginner is you will have to tamp down your reactions and keep them controlled. A clown on stilts walks by? You don't say, "Wow, oh my God, look at that! It's so cool!" Instead, you casually glance at it, then turn back to whomever you're speaking with and say, "That's neat. So anyway..." A girl tells you she's been selected to go on some TV show? You don't say, "No way! That's amazing!" Rather, you say, in a neutral, almost bored tone, "Oh no way... that's really cool. How'd you pull that off?" as if you're mildly disinterested but making polite conversation.

    If this seems "unnatural" to you, that's fine. You don't have to do it. You can simply wait until you're 50 or 60 years old, and you really HAVE seen it all and heard it all before, and be smooth then.

    But if you'd rather not wait 20 or 30 or 40 or however many years you have to get there, start tamping down your enthusiasm now.

  2. Tamp down your other reactions, too. A smooth man does not take what other people say seriously, because a smooth man understands that if someone is REALLY serious, that person will not spend time talking about it, or threatening it... he will simply go do it.

    What that means is, when you have a girl fuming and saying she's going to leave, or a guy standing in your face filled with rage telling you he's going to pound you into the dirt... neither of them is ready to do it yet. Otherwise, they'd be doing it.

    So, you force yourself to remain calm - don't react, don't backtrack, don't apologize - and simply handle the situation.

    You tell the girl, "No, stay; I like talking to you. If you really want to go, you can go in five minutes." You hold out your hand and say, "I'm Jake," and maintain eye contact with a smile on your face until he shakes it. Afterward, you say, "I figure if we're going to fight each other, we might as well get properly introduced first."

    And, suddenly, they're disarmed by your smoothness. That's because the escalation process is one of escalating confidence; someone who is emotionally escalating is also checking you for reactiveness to confirm that he or she is making the right decisions. If a woman doesn't see you desperate or upset to see her leave, but rather calmly telling her to stay, she becomes confused and realizes her emotions aren't appropriate for the situation; if a petulant man doesn't see you fearful or apologetic or confrontational in the face of his belligerence, but rather calmly introducing yourself and opening up a dialogue, unaffected by the situation, he becomes confused and realizes his emotions aren't appropriate either.

  3. Work on your steadiness. Being emotionally calm and not overly reactive is a part of it, but being steady is another big part. Most people, in emotional situations, are jittery, nervous, and unsure. Their emotions are flooding their neural circuits, and there's simply too much going on; their voices tremble, their eye contact falters, and their forced smiles look too fake. Work on this.

    Why's it so important to work on your steadiness? Because the fact is, lack of steadiness can give you away in emotionally heightened situations (such as pulling women home, or addressing tough questions or objections) that you aren't experienced in.

    Oh, sure - you'll get natural steadiness once you've already been there and done that a hundred times or more. But if you don't want to be reliant on having to acquire massive amounts of experience in any particular situation before being able to handle it well, work on getting steadiness down first.

  4. Work on being relaxed. The flip side of learning to tamp down your emotions and make yourself appear more steady is that most learners end up going overboard and become stiff. But when you're stiff, it's a dead giveaway you aren't actually comfortable OR in control.

    What you communicate through stiffness is that you are trying to control yourself, which means you aren't actually smooth - it's a front you're putting on. The subconscious minds of others around you read that, and are emboldened by it; "Aha!" they think. "See that! He's uncomfortable! That mean's we're right!"

    When you can be both emotionally unreactive to extreme emotions, and relaxed in the face of them, you become extremely naturally smooth. Getting there, however, is the beginner's challenge.

  5. Work on being effortless. The great thing about working on being relaxed and working on being effortless is that the two go hand in hand. When you slow down your movements, take more time to respond to questions, take time to look someone in the eyes and smile first before answering, and throw a lot of pregnant pauses into your communication, you give yourself time to think, slow down the interaction, and cut into anyone else's ability to take control of the conversation and start driving it down a path that's bad for you (it's hard to really grill someone when he keeps taking his time, pausing a lot, and using good conversation guidelines and turning the topic right back to you after he answers).

Let's give you some practical examples of all this. Here's how a conversation between a normal girl and a normal guy will look:

Girl: So, do you have a girlfriend?

Guy: Um... [knows this is an important question; gets uncomfortable] ... no.

By reacting uncomfortably here, the guy communicates that:

  • He isn't in control
  • He's not used to being asked this

Further, through his response ("Umm... no"), he communicates that:

  • He isn't all that desirable (otherwise, he'd have a girlfriend)
  • He isn't lover material (otherwise, he'd have a far smoother answer than "yes" or "no")

Now let's say the guy's a beginner learner at how to be smooth, and he gets asked the same question. Instead of the above dialogue, he has the following one:

Girl: So, do you have a girlfriend?

Guy: [slow smile spreads across his face as he's looking away; slowly he turns to look at her, making eye contact half a second after his face has risen to meet hers] Why do you ask?

Girl: I'm just curious.

Guy: [smiles again, as if he knows EXACTLY why she asked and he's just playing along] Oh. Well, no, I don't have a girlfriend. [leans in to look at her] Do you have a boyfriend?

That's probably a bit stronger than most beginners will pull off, but later on in the beginner phase you'll put together responses that look a lot like that.

While the guy here is still giving the girl a definite answer, he's making her work for that answer, and he's using nonverbal communication to imply here that he knows exactly why she's asking.

Here's another example, this one of a pull where a man's inviting a woman home with him, and the woman is demurring. A normal man's attempt:

Guy: How about we get out of here?

Girl: And go where?

Guy: [knows he shouldn't be this direct, but feels like he has no choice] I thought we could go back to my place.

Girl: I'm kind of tired. Maybe we can go to your place next time.

Guy: [knows he's being turned down, but figures, "Well, there's always next time!"] Okay.

This is a pretty awfully constructed pull, but you'd be amazed how many men try to get women home with them with a pull like this.

It's little wonder so many guys call it "getting lucky." It's like playing tennis with a blindfold on. It's a miracle if you manage to hit a ball back over the net.

Here's how a beginner at smooth who's been doing his homework is going to look:

Guy: Let's go somewhere a little more chill and less crowded.

Girl: Where?

Guy: [slow smile] It's a surprise. But it's better than here. Come on.

Girl: I'm kind of tired. Maybe we can go to there next time.

Guy: [ignores this and acts like it's a ridiculous suggestion] You can rest in the cab on the way over. We're going. [takes her hand and leads]

This pull works far better, because this guy doesn't make it a big deal. This is where steadiness and effortlessness comes into play - whereas for most guys, this is a HUGE deal ("I'm inviting her home! Sex! Oh man... is she going to say yes? I don't know!"), and women pick up on that and it freaks them out, for the guy who's learning how to be smooth, he keeps himself calm and steady and unenthusiastic and emotionally unreactive.

He stays smooth.

And when he does this properly - when he stays steady, keeps his enthusiasm and fear and nervousness tamped down, and remains calm and unemotional - the girl doesn't pick up on anything that would communicate that this is a big deal.

And since HE'S acting like it's not a big deal - SHE'S inclined to think it isn't, TOO.

One of the miracles of smoothness... even if you're only a beginner, and you're having to pretend to be calm and steady and effortless, if you do a good enough job at it, you will actually make HER feel calm, and she'll be orders of magnitude more likely to go with you than an ordinary, average, nervous guy who's making this simple act of going back to his place to do something that humans do every day a GIGANTIC DEAL.

Make it not a big deal, be smooth, and be natural, and suddenly women are just coming along with you like it's the most natural thing in the world... because for them, from the way you communicated it to them, it is.


Intermediate Smooth

Intermediate smooth is about working on the same bullet points we discussed under beginner:

  1. Tamping down enthusiasm
  2. Tamping down other reactions too
  3. Working on being steady
  4. Working on being relaxed
  5. Working on being effortless

Intermediate smooth is characterized by a more intrinsic origin for these much more of the time (i.e., a man is more naturally less enthusiastic, more naturally relaxed, more naturally efficient, etc., rather than having to pretend to be), as well as the realization and adoption of a few more principles:

  1. He builds intrigue more and better. If you go back to that clip of Kilmer from The Saint, he plays a very intriguing character, and much of his power comes from that. Right away, Shue is wondering who this guy is, where he comes from, what his story is, and all kinds of things. He's snapped her out of autopilot, and he's all done it without anything contrived liked asking her for a female opinion or telling her some long story.

  2. He's more comfortable with intensity. Beginners struggle to be intense without losing some degree of control of their emotions. External intensity = internal intensity. But once a man becomes more in control of his emotions and more and more naturally smooth, he becomes better able to channel his intensity without it feeding back and affecting him too (unless he wants to). This includes through things like intense eye contact, putting social pressure on people (say, if they're doing something silly or wrong), and forcing decisions ("Are you coming or not?"). A guy who's intermediate is better able to do these things both calmly and intensely.

  3. He's less reactive when hit with a "surprise." Everyone has unexpected things happen to them and around them. An ordinary guy gets flustered; a beginner at smooth tries to control his reactions. A man who's intermediate-level smooth, though, seems almost comfortable, and doesn't take long to know the right way to react.

These aspects of intermediate smooth come more from experience applying and using the techniques discussed under beginner than from any concerted effort on the part of the intermediate learner. Smooth is becoming natural to him at this stage, through repeated use and focus on it.

At this point, he starts catching lucky breaks, and pulling off things that he thought were impossible, implausible, or highly unlikely. He invites two girls home with him, for instance, and both say "yes;" or he tells a girl who's about to go back to her friends to change her mind and say, and she does, despite him thinking she'll leave. He begins to surprise himself here, and starts finding he can do more than he thought he could.


Advanced Smooth

how to be smoothThe man who knows how to be smooth through and through, skin to bone, is what you could consider completely "natural," or completely smooth. He doesn't think about trying to control himself that much... he simply doesn't react strongly to emotionally heightened situations, and he remains calm, steady, effortless, and in control.

A man who's become proficient at being smooth has a number of advantages over lesser men when it comes to social interactions:

  • He's able to keep his focus on forward progress, not on putting out fires in his interaction (e.g., a normal man thinks, "Oh no, she's asking me a tough question - what do I say?" while a man proficiently smooth doesn't even think about this, he just addresses it, and continues direction the interaction the way he wants it to go)

  • He's able to get outside the interaction and see the big picture - instead of being engrossed with the minutiae, he's able to run his interactions on autopilot and instead look at the whole scene, noting, for instance, that her one friend doesn't seem to like him and might be a problem later when he tries to pull, and realizing that he should get the girl to deal with her friend directly rather than him try to manage things; and noting that the girl is friends with the bartender, so he'll want to make sure he has her out of there before closing time, otherwise they won't be able to slip off anonymously and she might even feel pressured to go with the bartender if the bartender tries to get her out of there too

  • He isn't wasting time wondering if he's doing things right or whether he'll fail or succeed - he knows how it's likely going to go, and what he'll do if it doesn't go the way he wants it to. He has his process, his backup process, and he's also confident than even setbacks or defeats aren't necessarily permanent.

The lack of fear of setback is probably the biggest advantage of the man who's proficiently smooth, and this one simply comes from going through enough situations smoothly that he knows that so long as he remains steady, unreactive, and in control, he'll almost always be able to handle whatever setback occurs.

What's the difference between a man experienced with women who's smooth, and a guy who's had a lot of girlfriends and lovers (e.g., a muscular jock, or a guy at the top of his social circle for the moment) who isn't smooth?

The guy who isn't smooth, even if he's very experienced, still overreacts to setbacks, demonstrating to women who are paying attention that his control isn't inherent - it's environmentally-based only. So he overreacts, a girl leaves, and she doesn't come back - or if she does, it's on her terms, and she's calling the shots.

The guy who is smooth, and experienced, doesn't overreact to setbacks, demonstrating to women who are paying attention that his control is inherent to him - a very rare and very attractive trait. It's at the very core of that ephemeral term "confidence" - here is a man who does not fear setbacks, because he does not see them as setbacks.

  • Girl's asking tough questions? She'll settle down.
  • Girl's acting dramatic? It'll pass.
  • Girl's threatening to leave? She's not going to leave.
  • Girl's saying she isn't sure? Yes she is - she just doesn't know it yet.

This is how the man advanced at smooth thinks, because by being smooth, he's seen how women actually react when they don't feel pressured.

Smoothness is ultimately a means of alleviating the pressure a girl feels of having to decide if a guy is attractive enough, or if she's going to be judged by him, or face a harsh rejection from him, or have to friend zone him or treat him like a boyfriend candidate. Because he's in control, and she accepts his control, she can simply let go, and let him determine how things will play out.

All she's got to do is decide if she can say "yes" and go along with what he's asking or not... and the smoother he is, the easier it is for her to say "yes" (because things aren't a big deal), and the quicker she is to trust his leadership.

Men who aren't smooth never experience this. They live life in a world of absolutes. A girl says she's leaving? She does. A girl says she isn't sure? She means "no." These men never realize that they create the world they experience... by being awkward, uncertain, and unsmooth in the face of a woman's uncertainty or pressure, they tell her which way to go - away.

The smooth man, though... he places no expectations on her. He gives her no nervousness, uncertainty, hesitation, or uncomfortable emotions in reaction to hers. Instead, he just sits there... and smiles warmly... and continues to act as if he knows she will stay and go along with what he wants. And because he acts this way, she feels reassured - and she does.

Being smooth like this is the key to transitioning successfully with women. It makes you able to move girls with ease, able to kiss a girl with ease, able to take women to bed with ease.

And it makes the whole process feel so natural that there's never even a hint of the "big deal feel" that ordinary men wrap these transitions up in, tearing apart their chances.

The smooth man just does, naturally, effortlessly, steadily. And women do, right along with him.


Understanding Smooth

Now that you've read this article, and you've got a handle on what being smooth is all about - not making everything "not a big deal," and tamping down and eventually ending the indications on your part that most men have that communicate to women, nonverbally that things are a big deal - does that mean you have now become a smooth operator by default?

Not quite. Not yet.

Because now, you've got to go out, meet women, and do these things.

If you haven't focused much on getting down the nuances of how to be smooth before, you'll have your work cut out for you. You'll start to find it annoying how hard it is to not have an awkward smile on your face in some situations... to not have your voice tremble... to not be hesitant, or say the wrong thing, or fail to move fast when you should or persist when you should.

But keep working on it. Learn to control your reactions so that they aren't wild or extreme. You never see Brad Pitt, George Clooney, or Val Kilmer, or James Bond bug their eyes out and say, "Wow! That's amazing!"

Women do that. Those guys just smile slowly, and say, "Yeah. It's cool, isn't it?"

Because they're smooth.

You don't see those guys drop their heads and say, "Okay, maybe next time," when a woman refuses their invitation. Instead, you see them chuckle a bit, and either say, "Come on," or simply smile and stare at her as if she's said something ridiculous... until she recants.

That's your objective with smooth. That's where you're working to get to, and where your ultimate goal lies.

Because once you are smooth with women... everything just happens a lot more easily.

And instead of worrying about how you're going to answer this tough question you're being grilled with... you're wondering how soon you can pull her: 5 minutes from now, or 10 minutes from now?

And you'll smile to yourself, and realize you'll just have to play it by ear.

Yours,
Chase Amante

Related Articles from GirlsChase.com

Comments

Zac's picture

there's a motto


I actually read an article before, about the success, and somewhat i believe it is something that relating to it's core.

A man who is confident can be unconfindent.
A man who is not confident can be confident.

A man who is rich can be poor.
A man who is poor can be rich.

It's deep. It is something that is relating to how your mind thinks. and as you mention here, steadiness.

Great Article. :)

Zac

Chase Amante's picture

Success

Author

Hey Zac,

Glad the article resonated.

Although, I won't try to pretend I understand what the quote means... I'm afraid, at least in this instance, you've managed to find something that's simply beyond me... sort of like the sound of one hand clapping.

Perhaps though, you simply need to go mediate on it to see what it's getting at.

Cheers,
Chase

Zac's picture

Chase, Going through a lot of


Chase,

Going through a lot of epiphany recently. I thought i might bump into this. Apologies, Everyone goes a stage where they finally reach things they are able to grasp, and getting good at. I have been reading a lot and research and trying out, practicing. Somehow My life tends to come together, :) I would say i am working on relating what i have learn from your work and share some insights on the forum too. The idea of you relating information to guys out here is beyond measurable. Really appreciate you have taken time to reply, here. Something i think every guy who is not denial, will.

Zac

Balla's picture

You're da man chase real


You're da man chase real talk, I have some questions Though. I thought you said looking down was a sign of weakness so why does Val Kilmer get a pass? Do you know any smooth black men from movies to emulate? And how can I fix this problem I'm having, it's 1. I smile and laugh all the time, it can be goofy at times. It's been like that since I was a child I can't control that emotion and I went threw and still go threw things because I smile and laugh all the time. How can I control this?

Problem 2 is how can I be warm and not soft and not have people try to take advantage of me? I read from you that you should smile and be warm and such but from where I'm from you can't go around smiling and being kind or you'll end up with someone trying to mess with you and thinking your easy pickings(which refers to question 1).
How can I be a warm person without being a pushover or easy or people taking advantage of me? How can I get the respect without being too much of serious intimadating person?
Thanks chase I agree with everything you write and it's hard for me to agree with EVERYTHING.

Franco's picture

I'm sure you've seen this Balla...


...This, is the ultimate example of "smooth." Will Smith executes every example of smoothness in this clip... he knows he controls the interaction, he builds intrigue, and he is "refreshingly original," as Eva Mendes states it herself.

Check it out. ;)

Pop Up Pickup

Regards,
Franco

Chase Amante's picture

Will Smith

Author

That's a great find, Franco.

There aren't a whole lot of smooth black men in the movies, which doesn't make a whole lot of sense. A lot of the smoothest guys I've known have been black, but they're underrepresented in Hollywood. I think the reason why is that Hollywood seems to get a lot of its black actors from either music or stand-up comedy, so you're getting either a singer or a rapper or a comedian, and not a guy who's trained as an actor. I don't know if that's because not enough black men take acting courses or...?

Even Will Smith though can be a little on the goofy / family-friendly side of things at times, but then again, come to think of it, my smooth black friends have had a bit of this too. It might take the edge off a bit for white people... could just be that a smooth and serious black man is too much for anyone who isn't black to handle. The edge is off, and then once the girl is disarmed somewhat, now she's open to the smoothness he has going on and she's receptive to the other things about him that are attractive.

Chase

Alex an Artist's picture

Lukewarm Or Warm


Hey Balla let me lend you some of my thoughts.

For the eye contact, since Val Kilmer did it with control, he "looks over, but not immediately; he holds eye contact for a split second, just long enough for him to tell her he's interested, but he's not going to chase after her." So it didn't come off as submissive, more like curious sexy shy. And he had the right intentions of getting her attention. "When you've locked onto someone's eyes before they've locked onto yours, you normally need to break eye contact first to not feel like a threat (to give them a chance to assess you without being watched)." If he hadn't established some sort contact beforehand, she be more inclined to walk off. So in that split second he put himself on her radar.

And brings me the realization, that a lot of success from what you do and don't do. Comes from intentions. Chase has said that in the past that as you get better, some of the rules go out the window. But I feel as though intentions will stay as a foundation of the way you interact.

You said you smile and laugh a lot and you want to be warm and caring, without coming off as weak. Those tie into your intentions, why you are, the way you are.

So if you're being warm and nice as way to get acceptance, attention and approval from people. Or laughing or smiling out of a nervousness or because you feel pressured. That won't translate well into courting or seducing women. It goes against being in control, being smooth. Those above are all amazing! Qualities! to have, it just the intentions and context of why these emotions are coming out, affect the way they come across.

So better intentions or reasons would be I'm going to be warm and caring because that's the way I want people to treat me. Or smiling because you genuinely find something amusing. You can see all those reasons are tied to you and aren't as much affected by the people around you. It feels more controlled.

Those are just examples; you can have other intentions or reasons. It just has to be more about you, sounds a little selfish, but it comes with the territory. Have more to say on this, but this just some of what I felt. You see, after working my sales jobs in the mall, seducing some of the women I sell to and reading these articles. You get into theorizing a little yourself.

And on a final note, you just have not let people vibes or views affect you as much, there will be times when people will try to mess with you or take advantage, but as you get more controlled, confident and aware. It'll at times seem non-existing. And you're probably more concerned about now. But you're reading Chase's material, so you're well on your way.

Hoped my thoughts sparked some sort of resolution or idea.

Truly,
Alex

Chase Amante's picture

Warm but Firm

Author

Balla,

Alex is hitting on the key points here.

On the eye contact thing, if the rest of you seems solidly attractive enough, you can pull of "sexy shy" to very good effect with women. A big part of that is breaking eye contact down. If I'm just talking about it quick, I'll say, "Don't do that," because anyone from beginner to intermediate who breaks eye contact down usually does it in a way that comes across as submissive and he's lost. But once a guy's got everything more-or-less solid, this is a way of taking a man who might otherwise be overwhelming and out of a girl's league and making him more vulnerable and attainable.

On warmth, like Alex is talking about - it's got to be about what you want. Think, "Warm but firm." Be considerate, but not to the point that you're over-investing, or letting people off the hook, or making a girl feel good in a situation where you should not.

The warmer you are, the faster you need to be moving and the more investment from women you need to be getting - on the plus side, the warmer you are, the easier it generally is to get those things.

Couple warmth with moving fast and investment, and going solidly for what you want and not sidetracking that for anyone, and you've got a winning combination.

Chase

Enochian's picture

Just a suggestion


Hey Chase,

Another powerful post man, I was just thinking, Why don't you post some compilation of these smooth videos for us to watch on and get something. You know man, some links, or whatever. I've read almost everything from your sight, but I guess, I wasn't really expose to some live on the field seductions, due to some reasons and not some "Cause I need to trick my mind." reasons. HAHA. I just guess it might be helpful.

Thanks man,

Enochian

The real truth is to be the truth that you yourself have journeyed to discover.

Chase Amante's picture

Smooth Videos

Author

Hey Enochian,

Good suggestion - the main hurdle to it is simply the availability of good clips online for this kind of thing.

I went looking for a few scenes I liked from a few different movies, but a lot of them simply aren't available - probably the movie companies DMCA'ing clips that are getting posted, which is well within their rights to do. Of course, that limits the ability of someone to post up links.

We do have a few articles up on movie seductions though, if you're up for actually going and grabbing a copy of the film - Ricardus has a 3-part series on 4 different movies starting here:

"Epic Movie Seductions: Part I"

Cheers,
Chase

Anonymous's picture

Chase, In terms of movies, I


Chase,

In terms of movies, I would highly recommend Wong Kar Wai's 2046; not only is it a wonderful film, but the protagonist's smoothness and confidence is pretty incredible. It would also be a helpful example for Asian guys out there.

A.J.'s picture

Eliminating Jester behaviors


Hey Chase I wanted to know if you could point me to some articles that give steps to eliminate jester behaviors or if you could give some steps to help me eliminate Jester behaviors. I know the last thing you want to be seen as is the "funny guy" jester. Any help is appreciated. Thanks.

Chase Amante's picture

Eliminating "Too Funny"

Author

Hi A.J.,

Got you covered - have a look through these articles; each of them addresses being too funny or clever in one way or another:

Best,
Chase

A.J.'s picture

Thanks alot


Thanks Chase. I think this is probably one of those things a lot of guys struggle with for different reasons.

Lupo's picture

Chase, you are a true champ.


Chase, you are a true champ. All your material has really helped with confidence. I have started reading "How to Make a Girl Chase" and plan to start doing the homework assignments once the semester ends ;)

I would be extremely interested in seeing a post about moving abroad, going on that next adventure, getting out of your comfort zone, and "making it all up as you go."

Chase Amante's picture

Moving Abroad

Author

Lupo,

Great to hear on the homework. Going out and doing assignments like this makes some pretty solid impact - you won't even realize the effect it'll have until you go and start doing it and see for yourself.

On moving abroad - sure. I have a post up on it here already:

Meet Women More Easily: Location

... although that ones more on the reasons WHY you might want to change locations, and not so much about the dynamics of actually doing so. I'll see what I can do on that latter one.

Cheers,
Chase

Anonymous's picture

this is a nightmare


guys, you really make men`s life better with the job you are doing. yes, im not good looking, in fact slightly below average but with what im learning here im at least getting somewhere. without this site i would have long given up though im going out only for a month. i`ve invested so much emotionally in getting my private life on track i wont give up. no way.

but it`s just shocking how much people doing very well in other areas of life can suck BIG TIME with women - including me. how the hell did we end up here?

even if a girl is CLEARLY interested in you and is so obvious you cant even miss we can be completely unable to lead a simple conversation. and not because she doesnt like you but for whatever reason and you just want to get the hell outta there asap. or you score a last 5% fail which i find funny rather than annoying.

i just find almost impossible to find common ground. it is the most difficult thing in life i`ve ever seen and trust me, i`ve been through a lot.

Eric Reeves's picture

Escaping the nightmare


I've been here. Really. If you've read my article on weight loss you'll know, I was at the bottom when it comes to looks / social life.

I fixed it, and I escaped, and it makes me so entirely happy when I see others attempting the same.

You may not be in the same situation, or hole I was in. You may have to climb quite a bit higher (and others less), and maybe your world has a sky that's not quite as high.. but the feeling is the same.

Liberate yourself,
Eric

Anonymous.'s picture

People who really like each


People who really like each other get nervous. Talking about anything shows that you like her and as 2 adults you should be able to talk about something. Create a new set of common ground this way and both get more comfortable.

student of the game's picture

hi chase i am considring


hi chase i am considring reading the books "think like a man" and "40 shades of gray" but i am not sure what its effect will be on me .what do you think?

Chase Amante's picture

Effects of Books?

Author

Hey Student,

I honestly don't know, haven't read either one. If you're curious though, I don't see why not to have a look; although, you may want to read some reviews on Amazon first and see what men have to say about these. If you detect any anger / bitterness / resentment / vitriol, it might be something that's not written to appeal to men and may be better just to stay away from for your own sake. But if there isn't anything like that... march on, I suppose?

Also, reading popular romance novels can give you a fuller picture of the kinds of things women fantasize about and find appealing. If you can, do some reading on Byronic characters, too - women tend to be most drawn toward the "bad guy in need of saving" Byron uses.

Cheers,
Chase

Kb's picture

Awesome Article


Thanks for another great article Chase.

Was wondering if you'll ever get around to making an article dedicated to club game in particular?

This seems to be my issue right now. I've improved leaps and bounds, but club game still presents a bunch of problems to me.

First, unlike day game or more passive night game(lounges and stuff), girls have been opened countlessly and are much less responsive.

Secondly, groups. In day game, it is a lot easier to find single targets. Not so in clubs, which is why I still stick to opinion openers on groups. It works fairly well, but I have trouble isolating after opening a group. A lot of time, my friends would tell me the next day that so and so girl was looking for me after I left, and I feel I'm missing out on a lot of opportunities.

Third, sprezzatura. It is hard to give that appearance when you are dancing, so I've stopped dancing in clubs. It makes it a bit harder to meet girls.

Fourth, loud music. It is hard, almost impossible to deep dive or even conversate properly when surrounded by such an ADHD environment, but it is also hard to get a girl to come home when you two don't know each other that well.

Sooo, I was wondering if you had any advice for proper club gaming?

Franco's picture

Club game


Hey Kb,

Club game is actually where I meet most of the women that I pick up as I am heavily into electronic music and frequent night clubs with popular DJs.

Generally, you want to hang around the bar area if you can. Find a place to post up where you have a good view of who is around you and where everyone around you has a good view of you. Girls often break off from their groups to order drinks at the bar, which is the perfect opportunity to open on them. Also, you can pinpoint which girls (that happen to be standing in groups) are seemingly disinterested with the conversation their friends are having and are somewhat "looking" to be approached. Sometimes they could be playing with their phones, and other times they could be looking around at "cute guys." This is a good opportunity to make strong eye contact.

On a last note, I use the loud music heavily to my advantage. When I first speak to a girl, I'll wait for the response. When she gives it (regardless of whether I actually hear her or not), I'll turn my head and use my hand to signal her to come closer, implying that I can't hear her -- Boom. Easy beginning compliance. You can also use this opportunity to put your hand on her back as she speaks into your ear to break the touch barrier, but this is optional.

These are just some of the ways to approach club game, but there are definitely others. Most will agree though, including Chase, that dance floor game is not the way to go.

Hope this helps!

- Franco

Chase Amante's picture

Nightclub Game

Author

Hey KB,

Sure, I can do a post on that sometime. I'm a nightclub guy by origin - most of my game was learned in nightclubs. I didn't migrate out to street and day game until much later (when I realized that yes, you really do meet higher quality women there than you do in nightclubs), although I dabbled plenty before.

Until that post goes up, just bear in mind that a lot of things on the site - like the article on "Breaking Circle," or the one on "Locking In," or "5 Essential Insights on How to Meet Girls in Groups," and a bunch more - are primarily stemming from things I developed from club game (though I've typically fleshed most of them out to be more applicable to other styles of game as well).

And, Franco's got an awesome post above - lots to go on there for now!

But I'll have a post up specifically on clubs at some point in the not too distant future.

Cheers,
Chase

Balla's picture

Thanks guys for your replies,


Thanks guys for your replies, so if you don't know any black actors chase, do you know any smooth black guys at all like athletes, guys in the entertainment industry or even the president? A few people that I think act
cool Idk about if their smooth, are Michael Jordan, diddy, and the president. What are your thoughts?

Chase Amante's picture

Black Role Models

Author

Hey Balla,

Obama's definitely got "smooth" on lock. Ever see the clip of him smacking a fly with his bare hands on TV? Smooth.

Diddy, I don't know. He may have changed since I was last paying attention - haven't been plugged into mainstream pop culture since about 2002 or so - but he always seemed a little too tryhard to me. He seems to think if he can just surround himself with enough cool people, and enough cool toys, and enough cool places, THEN he'll be cool. And I heard he was pretty messed up when J-Lo left him (and that he spent a lot of time trying to get her back), which does not suggest he has his stuff together. As his late friend Biggie put it, "I don't chase 'em, I replace 'em." Diddy must've missed that lesson from Big.

Michael Jordan I haven't seen much of, but everything I have he seems like a smooth guy, yes. He knows he's on the top of the pile, and he isn't playing it down, or acting like he's a god because of it, or scrambling to hold onto his power, however long it lasts. He's just enjoying it, and being real about it. And he's got a very authentic, in-control, "nothing much fazes me" vibe, for sure.

I'd say Obama, definitely (when he's well-rested and not worn out from 36 hours straight of dealmaking or crisis handling, that is), and Michael Jordan, most probably. P. Diddy... probably not though.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

An Asian girl friend has told


An Asian girl friend has told me that Chad Ochocinco is very charming. You can get a lot of clips of him from dancing with the stars.

Vaughn 's picture

Hey chase how long does it


Hey chase how long does it take for each stage? Like from beginner to intermediate to adavanced? What's the time frame to reach each stage? And how can I talk louder without yelling? I always hear that I talk low and mumble, even though I feel like I talk very loud. How can I find the right volume to talk and how can I stop mumbling? And should i always try to act smooth even when im not around girls? Thank you!

Chase Amante's picture

Time per Stage

Author

Howdy Vaughn-

Lot of questions there.

How long someone spends on learning depends primarily on how much experience he has coming in, and how much experience he's getting in the meantime - e.g., are you going out twice a week and approaching four new girls each time, or four times a week and approaching fifteen new girls each time? You'll have dramatically different learning curves depending on which one you are.

For me, I spent maybe a year and a half or two years in the beginner stage. Probably two years in intermediate. I'd say I wasn't really advanced smooth until late 2009 or early 2010... that was when things started really going smoothly and naturally the vast majority of the time for me.

Voice: focus on articulation (draw out your vowels, hit your consonants hard) and target your words at your listener's ears. You'll find you can amplify it that way.

And yes, anything you're working on, you should work on all the time; it gets you into a habit and rewrites your defaults.

-Chase

Walls's picture

Rad article!


I truly appreciate all the work you do breaking this down, Chase. It would be so easy to just own this info you learned from years of trial and error and just monopolize it. I was thinking about smoothness in conflict due to this life-changing post and it got me thinking: when do you let comments/threats/faux paus/annoyances roll down your back, and when do you actually put opposers in their place? And what is the best way to ignore when people make fauxpas, such as the ones in your article "Faux Pas of the Social Neveaux." (maybe more faux pas listed too?)

Chase Amante's picture

When to Tackle Conflict

Author

Hi Walls,

That's an interesting question. I've seen some research on combativeness in people, and I have a personal theory that interpersonal combativeness is rooted in a mental calculation of the possible gains vs. the potential losses. For instance, depressed, low-self esteem men are often very combative, probably because they have low downside by comparison (little to lose) but high upside (defeat the right opponent, and your star potentially rises, e.g., as in politics). And as you begin becoming more successful, you attract more and more people who want to make a name for themselves by fighting you, but the potential gains to you from engaging these challengers often become smaller and smaller, and the risks (lost time, wasted effort, etc.) begin to really add up, disincentivizing you from engaging with them.

Anyway, it's quite an interesting topic - I'll get a post up on it (maybe today / tomorrow).

As for faux pas, it's generally better just to pretend these didn't happen, unless they're bothering everyone. If it's small, you can pretend you didn't notice. If someone's doing something repeatedly and being annoying or intrusive however, you can either excuse yourself (and take the girl you're talking to along with you), or ask the offender if they'd mind toning it down a bit.

Cheers,
Chase

M's picture

Relaxation and fashion


Hi Chase - wonderful post as always. I noticed that I automatically get physically nervous before many social interactions (I realize a girl is about to look at me, I'm about to go into a room of people), i.e. my heart starts beating faster, and I start sweating a bit. I've gotten much better at relaxing my body and face in general (thanks to voice work), but do you know a good way to get past this?

If you don't mind, I have two quick questions about fashion: Where do you recommend buying clothes on a budget? I feel uncomfortable spending $40 on a shirt, especially as I am a student. And what do you do with all of your old clothes as you improve your wardrobe? Thanks a bunch.

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Relaxation and fashion

Author

Hi M,

On the physical nervousness - partly just going through enough social interactions of the sort that make you nervous will rid you of this - eventually your reptile brain learns you're not going to catch a mastodon tusk to the gut or a spear to the kidney for talking to people, and it eases up on pressing the "Red Alert!" button every time you ready yourself to engage with someone new.

Another thing you can do in the meantime is mindfulness and a little meditation, however. Train yourself to focus on your breathing, and to shut out thoughts of the past or imaginings of the future. Force yourself to be totally present, and these fears remain impossible to hold onto, because they don't exist in the present - only in some imagined future (that probably never happens) in your mind.

On budget clothes: second-hand stores can be a good bet, as can outlets and sometimes vintage clothes stores for some interesting items (sometimes inexpensive, sometimes not). The Internet's also a great place for bargains - eBay, Amazon, Overstock, etc. - you just have to look around a bit.

Old clothes you can either discard or, if you have a lot of them, donate somewhere like the Salvation Army (or, if you need the cash, sell to a second-hand store that will purchase your clothes and resell them).

Cheers,
Chase

XChaser's picture

Hi Chase, Thank you very much


Hi Chase,
Thank you very much for a nice detail construct to be smooth. U r really God send for men to deal with Modern Woman with all the dynamics changing 2 there advantage.
I was suprised that you honered my request , did'nt even thought you would read all comments.
Thank you again.
U blogs are a must for any young guy.

thanks
XChaser

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Hi Chase, Thank you very much

Author

Don't mention it, xChaser - glad you felt the post answered your question.

I've been trying to keep on top of comments lately, although yeah - there are a lot to keep up with!

Anyway, yeah, lots of newer dynamics - but a lot of its tied to the same core underlying principles (things like effort and investment and momentum, etc.) - you get those things going right and everything else snaps into place.

Best,
Chase

JFav's picture

Becoming smoother by doing "wrong" so you can know the "right"


Hey Chase,

I've been reading a book called "Getting Real: Ten Truth Skills You Need to Live an Authentic Life" and it's a book about honesty and truly living an authentic life. It's so far been great because it talks about a lot of the things you spoke about in posts on depression and anxiety.

Things like accepting your fear and acknowledging it come up a lot. So far, it's been an interesting read and a lot of the techniques and skills the author lists out are things I want to do on a regular basis. Because I think that getting better with women in general will be easier if I'm able to be more authentic about who I am.

Anyways, enough "intro" and background on what brought me to this thought. I was recently thinking of asking you of what you think of me going out and doing the "wrong" things when it comes to picking up women. Like for instance I know from reading that saying something like "Hey I'm really nervous right now but I really thought you were cute and I thought 'hey I'd rather be nervous then pass up the opportunity to get to know you' so... Hi, my name is Jon." might not be the greatest opener.

I'm sure trimming off "I'm nervous.." and the whole explanation of what's going inside my mind is probably unnecessary to the girl. But, my thought was that maybe for me this might be a good option.

Not so much for the girl's sake but more for me you know? It allows me to say exactly what my "truth" is and expose my banana so to speak. Lay myself out there for all to see and I think just feeling that and going through that experience would be helpful in and of itself.

Because then if it fails or if I notices it's not working on the girls I want then can see the failure for what it is and say "okay what can I do to improve." Then that's when I'm in a space to be more open to receiving your material.

This has been my experience because sometimes I need to fail "my way" in order to open up to another way of doing things. So, I'm asking you is this a productive way for to me to handle things if I've come to realize I work like that? Or, would it be more efficient to just do what you say no questions asked? haha

I ask you because I'm sure you've been in this situation or can relate to it at least. I'm slowly learning myself through your site and all the other knowledge I'm accumulating from my other readings too. And, I feel like "hey why pass up an opportunity to ask an expert like Chase" because if there's anyone I should ask I think it should be you. Especially when it comes to this field for sure.

I guess this is like an extension of my comment on "failures and opportunities" but with the contrarian coming out lol

Chase Amante's picture

Trying What's "Wrong"

Author

Hey J,

By all means, you SHOULD try out whatever you feel like trying out! That's the only way you get any kind of certainty in your head that, "Okay, I should DEFINITELY do this and definitely NOT do this!"

I think you'll find that telling girls you're nervous when you are nervous is going to take much of what edge or sex appeal you might have and throw it in the gutter... but it will get seemingly better reactions from women, much of the time. The only thing I'd advise you to be wary of in that case is not confusing seemingly "good" reactions like a girl treating you like you're "cute" and "nice" with things that actually translate into results with women, like getting a girl investing or coming along with you.

So, try out whatever you want, but make sure you're escalating investment from girls as you do, as that's your only real indicator that something is working. Otherwise, it's easy to get fooled into thinking you've found something more effective because it seems to get you better receptions, only to spend a lot of time on it and end up frustrated that none of these girls convert.

Keep focusing on getting ever-increasing amounts of investment (until the two of you are lovers), and this won't be an issue you'll struggle with, because you'll know right away, "Okay, when I don't tell girls I'm nervous, they usually move with me when I tell them to, but when I do say I'm nervous most of the time they hem and haw and give me some kind of excuse, even though they sure act a lot nicer."

Chase

Pete's picture

Short Examples


Hi Chase,

Thanks for putting this article up! I've always struggled with my height and it has significantly impacted my confidence levels in all aspects of life no matter how hard I try to fight it. I know this shouldn't be an excuse though.

If you are of average height to above average, there are definitely more examples in society (media, film) to model yourself than of below average height. I think we can agree on that.

You mentioned being acquainted with a 5'3 salesman who was the first 'smooth guy' you met and a 5'6 friend in California. What were some traits they embodied that allowed them to compensate, or even synergize, their lack of height? What would be your advice for short people (I'm 5'5) in their journey to find true confidence and zest?

I know you're a pretty tall guy (6ft?) but I'm confident in your insight and non-judgmental spirit to relate to this.

Thanks

Pete

Chase Amante's picture

Short Examples

Author

Hey Pete,

5'10"'s the average in U.S., and I'm right smack at 6'00", so normally consider that average. But I realize if you're at 5'6" that can seem tall by comparison (at least, according to a 5'6" buddy of mine, who keeps telling me he's going to get his shins sawn - obviously, not the same as the guy in California who does more than all right with girls!).

Every short guy I've known who was good with women had these things in common:

  • Very "socially agreeable" - e.g., quick, easy laugh, a lot of backslaps, and big grins
  • Frequent "ball busting" - charismatic short guys have been some of the best guys I've known at busting other people's stones, slapping them on the back and laughing it off, and then the bustee not even realizing until later that he totally had his stones busted and the buster made himself look like a champ calling the shots socially in the process
  • Strong leadership qualities - more assertive leadership, and more, "Let's do it," "Let's go!" emphatic, taking-charge type declarations

One good shorter role model is Tom Cruise, at 5'7.75". He has a lot of the same traits as my shorter friends, although he doesn't laugh or ball-bust quite as much (though this may be because he's a bit taller than them).

My guess is the reason shorter guys can get away with more ball-busting and back-slapping is that if a big guy's doing it, it's intimidating; but if a shorter guy's doing it, it's just intimidating enough for him to close the gap between his height and a taller guy who isn't doing those things. Actually, when a shorter guy is good at these things, it can be harder for a taller guy to compete, because taller guys who try to outlay as much energy as shorter guys can end up looking outlandish and silly.

Shorter guys can run laps around taller guys, be more energetic, and make more demands on women more quickly all while looking totally natural, while the taller guy needs to be calmer or else it seems like there's something "off" about him. If I had to pinpoint the greatest advantage of being short, that'd be it.

Chase

BananaManCanDance's picture

Being smooth for guys who are innately "over-the-top"


Hi Chase,

One of my friends is an innately super-excited, contagiously "over-the-top" guy. It is impossible not to smile when he is around. However, this personality of his goes directly against the principles of being smooth that you've outlined above, e.g. tamping down on enthusiasm / reactions and having minimal effort. I tend to agree with this advice - but does that mean this friend of mine is innately unable to be smooth, or is there a specific demeanor with which he can make it work? Thoughts?

Chase Amante's picture

Over the Top AND Smooth?

Author

Hey Banana Man,

That is quite possibly the most interesting username anyone has ever used to comment on this website.

I've seen a few over the top guys who managed to come off smooth. This needs to be modulated with a mixing in of much lower key, intense bursts of seductive smoothness, which can be sandwiched in between bouts of dynamism... see just about any Chris Tucker performance for an example of this (e.g., the ridiculous Ruby Rod in The Fifth Element). Tucker does a great job of every now and then dialing his boundless enthusiasm down into some smoldering sensuality, and then suddenly exploding again into hilarious energetic fervor. He's probably the best I've seen at combining smoothness and enthusiasm, although it isn't always a perfect mix. But it's about as close as you can get with that much energy.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Practicing "steadiness".


How exactly is steadiness practiced? I don't get to know ahead of time when I'll be in an emotional situation, or when my neural circuits will be flooded. Nor do I know how to stop them from being flooded, or how to not be nervous, jittery, and unsure. How specifically does one practice this without experience in the situations, as you state?

Mr. David's picture

smooth-james bond


Hi chase,
Great article here...I was wondering, can acting like James Bond get you more attraction with women? or is that all just tv/movie fantasy stuff? If so, which actor from the James Bond series do you think is best? Thank you again for all your articles.

TheHood's picture

Great Work


All the info is great and really helpful...

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