What to Look For in a Girlfriend


There's a question that I think not enough men ask themselves, and they end up being the worse for it: that is, what to look for in a girlfriend.

I have a habit of being very selective about the people I have around me. The old adage that "you are the average of your five closest friends" is one I put a lot of salt in. Where does this "averaging effect" come from, and how does it play out in real life?

what to look for in a girlfriend

The simplest way of putting it is that successful people believe successful things, and unsuccessful people believe unsuccessful things. Now, that's a very boiled down way of putting it, for you could have a guy who owns a large stake in a Fortune 500 company that's worth billions and think of him as successful, but a guy who owns six gas stations that bring him in $20,000 a month you might also think of as successful, to a different degree.

On a more personal level, you may have a friend who's dead broke, but strongly believes that buying condominiums is the road to riches. No matter how much you point out to that friend that so far his proclamations and prognostications have failed to work out for him, he'll keep harping on it again and again, and pushing you to put all your savings into buying a condo, and you'll either eventually come around to his way of seeing things (whether he's "right" or not), or get so annoyed by it that you exit the friendship.

The people around you influence you strongly for better or for worse. To become exceptional, or to remain the way you are, or to backslide.

And the person with the greatest measure of influence on you of all, with the greatest ability to steer and direct your thoughts and ideas and emotions, is, of course, the one you spend the most time with: your girlfriend.

And if you aren't being selective when selecting the most important, influential person around you, you're doing yourself a major disservice.


Assortative Mating and Absolute Preferences

Two years ago, I wrote about assortative mating in "Like Attracts Like." The quick and dirty answer to what "assortative mating" is and how it plays out in real life is that people pick romantic partners similar to themselves.

Well, I stumbled across a study from 2006 entitled "The ideal romantic partner personality," by several researchers from the University of Arizona's Department of Psychology. The findings of these researchers was as follows:

Individuals sought mates that were matches of themselves to some degree (a concept that we termed aspirational positive assortative mating) but also sought mates that were somewhat higher in Conscientiousness, Extraversion, Agreeableness, and Mate Value, but lower in Neuroticism than themselves.

... which is quite telling.

Effectively, what the study shows is that most people want a mate who is:

  • Similar to them in personality, but
  • A bit more conscientious than they are
  • A bit more extraverted than they are
  • A bit more agreeable than they are
  • A bit higher in mate value than they are

You could easily translate that to mean that everyone is looking for the opposite-sex version of themselves... except better.

But not significantly better. The study found that people were looking for partners who were somewhat better than they were.

Obviously, at least one of the partners isn't going to be 100% satisfied - you can't both be more extraverted than one other, say, or both be more agreeable.

So, assortative mating isn't the whole picture; just the first part.

While we do pick romantic partners similar to ourselves, we then want to go one better on top of that.

And the way this affects - or ought to affect - what to look for in a girlfriend when you're on the make is what we'll talk about today.


Most Men's Criteria

Ask one of your buddies what kind of girl he's looking for as his next girlfriend, and what kind of qualities she should have. Unless you surround yourself with extremely exacting people, you'll probably get a list back that looks like this:

  • Pretty
  • Sweet
  • Not fat
  • Chill

This seems to be the Average Man's idea of the Ideal Woman. There's only one problem with it...

... it's really, really VAGUE!

How many women match that description? To be frank, it's quite a lot. Would your buddy actually want to date most of those women? Probably not.

The irony is if you ask most women in the West these days what they'd like to find in a mate, the list is more like this:

  • Handsome
  • Charming
  • Sociable
  • Intelligent
  • Good job
  • Successful
  • Loyal
  • Thoughtful
  • Romantic
  • In good shape / works out
  • Athletic
  • Has his own life
  • Generous
  • Good family
  • Good background

... and a veritable cornucopia of other traits, qualities, and characteristics.

Clearly, there is some difference between the men and the women of the West in today's day and age, at least in terms of what they want for themselves.

But that's for another article (and I do have on in the works on that, but it's one of those ones you've got to get the wording on quite right, unless you want to enrage half of the population of the Western world).

What I'm most interested in here is why so many men have no idea what to look for in a girlfriend. What's going on there?

I don't think it's lack of relationship experience. There are plenty of men who've had lots of dates, hook ups, and girlfriends who still have very amorphous standards for whom they'd date. They know how to get a girlfriend, they've had plenty of girlfriends, they just don't screen them that well.

And I don't think it's that the guy's so low on the totem pole that he really isn't in a position to be picky.

I think it's that most guys just have no idea of how to actually properly screen women and how to select for the qualities that are going to most benefit their lives.

Because as you can easily tell from reading any American woman's online dating profile these days, Western women are very, very good at making men run the gamut of providing a LOT of value to their lives before they even consider them as potential mates.

And if you want to have a healthy, beneficial relationship, you want to be doing the exact same thing.


What Do You Want (Out of Life)?

This is the bigger question to answer, and the one underlying the whole guys-who-don't-have-a-clear-idea-what-kind-of-women-they-want issue.

When it comes to selecting the most important person to serve in a supporting role in your life, how can you possibly choose wisely if you don't know what you want her support to do?

If you want to build a billion-dollar conglomerate, you know you're going to need a shrewd, ambitious, supportive partner who can help push you a long and pick you up in times of defeat and hardship. A woman who's too soft or not very ambitious will never give you the firm backing and foundation and push you need to get there.

If you want to have a relatively quiet life, with a decent job, and a house and kids, you know you're going to need a quieter, softer partner who'll be comfortable with that kind of life and won't get antsy with the lack of progress that a driven woman would.

But what if you don't know what you want?

Fact is, I think this is where most younger guys are, and it's why a lot of them end up clueless and with vague standards as to what to look for in a girlfriend.

If you ask a man in his 40s what he wants in a girlfriend, the answer almost always rolls quickly off his tongue with confidence and certainty. He's either looking for a fun, casual partner, or he's looking for someone with the same level of commitment to the things he cares about most to partner up with on a more serious level.

Ask that question to a man in his 20s or early 30s, and you usually get the vague reply about looks and her being sweet and chill, but not because these guys don't have relationship experience.

It's because younger men usually don't yet know what they're trying to accomplish with life, and where women fit into that picture.


What to Look for in a Girlfriend

what to look for in a girlfriendSo what should you look to accomplish with your life?

That's a deeply personal question, and I can't answer it for you. Here're a few ideas:

  • Join a cause
  • Lead a cause
  • Give something back to mankind
  • Get known for something
  • Seek pleasure
  • Seek comfort
  • Build a family
  • Build a business
  • Build an empire

Thing is, depending on which of those appeals to you most, you're going to have wildly different mate preferences from the next guy.

For me, I really want to do big things with my life. I have no idea how successful I'll be at that, but that's what I want. So when I pick a girl to be a girlfriend, I'm looking for someone who's going to help me be that. She needs to help me shoulder some of the burden of what's involved in trying to break the mold everyone else follows, and she needs to be able to endure some of the hardship that comes along with starting from zero and not knowing if you'll succeed.

Hence, the qualities I look for include things like mental toughness, a razor-sharp intellect, and extraordinary perseverance.

For a guy who wants a more normal life, that's way too much. A girl like that would go crazy with a guy who has his sights set on something simpler, and he'd go crazy with her bugging and nagging and dissatisfaction with him and their life.

On the other hand, a guy who wants a more casual girlfriend isn't going to care as much about whether she's driven or not driven; instead, that guy's going to be far more concerned with finding women who are comfortable with and open to having uncommitted relationships with no guarantee of them going anywhere. Whether she's an intellectual or a socialite or not is a moot point, almost.

Because every man wants something different out of his life, and because every man wants something different out of his romantic partners, the answer to what to look for in a girlfriend is going to be different for every man.

And for that reason, I can't tell you exactly what to look for on every point.

So first, what I'm going to do is give you a series of questions to ask yourself - and help you tell yourself what it is you should seek. And after that, I'm going to give you a few general points about what you ought to look for no matter what you want.

  1. Do you want comfortable, or stimulating? Imagine your ideal woman. Is she tranquil, serene, and quiet? Or is she lively, vivacious, and an outright firecracker? Most likely, she's somewhere in the middle - but by nailing down how outgoing she is or how calm she is, you've right away got a better indicator what you should be looking for when meeting women - the shy ones, or the aggressive ones.

  2. Do you want a girly-girl, or a tomboy? Girly-girls are very feminine, they have almost entirely female friends, and they don't really "get" men. Tomboys are more interested in things that men are interested in, have more (or sometimes all) male friends, and they know men through-and-through. The advantage of a tomboy is that she's a lot simpler and less work - she knows men, she gets why you do what you do, and she's lower maintenance. However, she sees right through any fibs you try to tell her or any wool you try to pull over her eyes, so if you're not a straight shooter or you're not 100% clear about what you want out of a relationship, a tomboy's going be a pain to date. Girly-girls give you some more room to be vague, because they can never really figure out what men are doing anyway.

    Note: there are plenty of girly-girls who wear sweatpants and jeans, and plenty of tomboys who were high heels and mini skirts. We're not talking about dress style here - more about underlying personality types.

  3. Do you want a partner-in-crime, or just a romantic one? This one's surprisingly important. What it comes down to is essentially this: would you be happier with a girl who's involved in you every step of the way in every single thing you're doing, or would you prefer one who's completely got her own life and the two of you only really see each other at bedtime?

    Two extremes there again, but it's to illustrate the point. Most people reading will probably say, "Well, uh, somewhere in the middle would be nice!" but then you're stuck being vague. So answer yourself this: if you had to pick only one of those two extremes, which would it be? Your answer lets you know which side of the spectrum you fall on in terms of preferences.

Now, armed with your list of answers specific to you, we can toss in a few general girlfriend criteria.

  1. Don't go white knighting. I know it's tempting to want to be the hero and save some damsel in distress... but don't, trust me. Reason why? Damsels in distress never fall out of distress. I know you think you can save her and that she'll be grateful to you forever after... but it never, never works that way. Read the article linked to for more if you have any doubts.

  2. Don't mess with crazy. This is street wisdom - no matter how tough you are, or how much this is your part of town you're in, you just don't mess with crazy people, because crazy people do crazy things. It's exactly the same in dating - a little quirkiness might make her more interesting, but if she's nuts - stay way. Trust me on that one.

  3. Don't date women who lie. Even if you're certain it's only other people she's lying to and to you she tells the truth. What people do to others, they do to you too.

  4. Don't date women you're not sure about. If you're trying to convince yourself even one iota that she's okay for you, that means you don't really believe it. Trying to convince yourself = logic attempting to override emotions and gut feelings. Result? Emotions and gut get repressed, to reemerge later on down the road with a vengeance... and that's bad, for you and for her.

  5. Don't listen to your buddies (*caveat: #4 MUST apply). Your friends don't really know you, or what you want or need, as well as you do. So if they're telling you a certain girl is perfect for you, or a certain other one is all wrong, but you're certain otherwise, don't listen to them... provided that you are certain about her being the right or wrong match for you. If you've struggled with yourself to decide though, that means you're not really listening to you - and if you're not listening to you, then you don't get to give yourself the pass to not listen to friends, either.

  6. Don't date party girls or wild girls unless you want something casual. This includes "reformed" party girls... you know, the ones who've "been there, done that" and have seen the light and realized how immature it all is (read: they've reached an age where they don't get the same level or quality of male attention they used to, and have realized it's time to lock a guy down before it's too late). Sure, they might actually have completely moved on, but as we discussed in "How Many Partners," there's actually some solid scientific research that finds that the higher a woman's partner count, the less likely she is to be loyal.

    On the other hand, experienced women tend to have higher than normal sex drives and be loads of fun, which makes them ideal for the man seeking a casual relationship, while inexperienced women can be somewhat stilted and difficult to train for that sort of deal. So use that as your gauge: party girl / former party girl if you're looking for something non-serious, and a rather less experienced woman if you're looking for something more committed.

  7. Don't date women less attractive than you. Studies have found that marriages between men and woman where the woman is perceived as more physically attractive than the man are more stable and perceived as better relationships by both the man and the woman. Meanwhile, marriages between men and women where the man is more physically attractive than the woman tend to be far less stable and far more prone to fighting and problems. If you want to have be happy down the road once the first 90 days have worn off, make sure you pick someone to date who looks better than you.

what to look for in a girlfriend

You'll notice it's all "don't"s and no "do"s in this list of what to look for in a girlfriend. Why? Because most guys don't need any more "do"s. They have so much "do" that any girl who isn't an evil fire-breathing demon woman has at least some semblance of a shot with them (and even some of those demons can sneak by sometimes).

Screening is not a process of screening in; the problem that most men have, especially younger men, is failing to be picky enough. Screening needs to be a process of screening out.

But what if you don't have a lot of options, you might ask? Good question, and you'll find that part of the answer is, simply knowing what you want and screening women for it increases your attractiveness to them immensely.

Another part of the answer is, as you continue to improve yourself and use the insights from this blog and from our programs, you'll continue to upgrade your attractiveness and become better able to meet new girls to keep your dating funnel filled up with... and thus, you'll have a lot more women to screen through.

Having the right woman around you in a girlfriend capacity is tremendously important, and it's one of the biggest influencers on the direction your life will take. Don't leave it to chance, or let just anyone in through the gates. Make sure you're screening for a woman who will be compatible with you, with what you want, and with what you believe - and make sure that you know what that is, too.

Always,
Chase

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Comments

Anonymous's picture

My thoughts


I think since women are the 'approachees' and not the 'approachers' they can sit back and wait for male attention and screen guys heavily because they know that if some guy isn't up to snuff, some other guy will come along eventually. Most guys have no such luck. Guys on the other hand go thru hell trying to hook up with women. It takes building of confidence to overcome approach anxiety and the sting of rejection... especially when you try to court a woman in a crowded public place during the day and she 'disses' you in front of everyone. This takes the training of a soldier to become less sensitive to that. Do loop until you approach enough women that now you're an approach machine.

But imagine being a shy guy trying to work up to that pinnacle. It is hard! So then it's like from a man's perspective, many things are working against you.

1) If you want the high-society top tier beautiful women that are approached by herds of men, she isn't going to want to fuck with you if you lack the confidence that it takes to approach her in the first place...she isn't going to come to you and try to generate a relationship, usually. Even if you get her out on a date, she isn't going to be interested in you if you don't have interesting things going on. Women respond to actions more than words...show her you know WHAT YOU WANT and how you plan to get it. She wants a leader... Can you lead? Can you inspire her to accept your vision of your future and why that future would be beneficial to her if chose you over thousands of other eager guys, some of whom are richer, look better, have bigger muscles, deeper voices, brighter smiles, than you? Why you and not them? This is the marketing decision that she will make. It's her life and she takes it serious and so she should. So if you really really want her then go after her. But make sure you see the benefits in nabbing her...beyond her good looks and beyond her tits and beyond her ability to make other girls jealous. Screen her personality, her charm, her auto-investing, etc. I used to just want girls because it was an instinctual thing...if she's pretty let's go try and get her. That worked in high school but as I've gotten older I can tell you that first envisioning your future and what you want is paramount, then coming up with the values you want in your woman, the values that will make you passionate for her. Then once you are passionate about this woman it will be easier to persist in the face of her tests, and the drama that she might bring.

2) If you lack confidence in approaching women, you tend to take what you can get. AKA settling. Some people rationalize settling by saying to themselves, "yeah she may not be ideal, but at least I am not alone. I hate loneliness far worse than this bitch of a woman I have to deal with. Plus I can't get other girls so I'll put up with her BS!"

3) The guy the other day in your article on Getting Overseas Women hit the nail on the head. Most women just won't be interested in you, period. No matter what you do, how you dress, what you drive, what you look like, some girls will like you and others won't. That's a horrible realization, but you must realize it. It's a fact. Therefore in order to get the woman that you want, and because women won't approach you, then you have to succumb to the law of numbers and approach and screen alot of women! Finding a diamond in the rough. Sometimes you get lucky after the first dig. Other times it may take years to find your gem!

So to combat all of this shit working against you... building confidence and security is king. Knowing exactly what you want, how to communicate with women and playfully banter and tease to get them intrigued, apply the art of the push-pull, focusing on closing the deal out when she shows you attraction, and being agressive and persistent is really what it takes, and being prepared to fail and go home hurt. Having this inner attitude about FUCK the outcome, I will continue to do what I want despite failure...and you will fail. Girls will reject you. And at first it seems scary to approach strange beautiful women. But in the end ask yourself, what do you want more...a sexy amazing woman who pushes you to be the best man that you can...or some mediocre woman that you settled for? If you want success, you must work, you must fail, you must try again and tweak your strategy, and learn how to act around women to generate attraction, and close out the attraction. You have to work and train until your subconscious/auto-pilot is working for you.

Franco's picture

Almost everything you wrote


Almost everything you wrote here is on point, Anon. It's better to realize this as soon as possible so you can begin to train your mind toward getting what you want. ;)

- Franco

Ben's picture

Hey man, I like this post...


Hey man,

I like this post... in in attraction, dating and sex advice... The focus is almost always on what does SHE want and how can I do more of that... without ever focussing on what do I want...

And you go in much detail which is great...

Keep it up...

JOn's picture

"picking up" women


Hey Chase,
First just like to say that so much of whats on here has worked like a charm for me, and things usually can be expanded on(the "dirty dream" in the woods for getting a girl interested via text can be changed to "playing twister" etc). However, I am having trouble with the last 5%. I just took a girl home, kissed her, took her to her bed, only to have the night end in her pulling my hands away and saying repeatedly that I should go home. It seemed like I would make progress only to have her go cold again. It's still embarrassing to think about but I wanted to jump on this situation now because it has been a reoccurring problem. I am relatively good looking, get plenty of attention, but I used to get cold feet really easily and lost plenty of women that way. Even now that I am getting some confidence it still is the hardest part.

I am wondering if you have any method getting through that last 5% without having the woman pull back? Also, is there some way to come on strong (I even used "I want you, do you want me?) without just being rude? How can I get past the girl thinking she is a "bad girl", and that thats a bad thing?

Chase Amante's picture

Navigating the Last 5%

Author

Hey Jon,

The end game of a seduction tends to be influenced quite a bit by the girl's feeling about you before you go into it. So if she's really turned on and ready for intimacy, and doesn't see you as someone she can imagine herself with over the long term at all, and there's zero risk of her social circle finding out, you'll see virtually no resistance from her and things will go smoothly.

You can think of the Big 4 for last minute resistance as:

  1. How turned on and excited she is
  2. How much or how little she sees you as a possible boyfriend
  3. How sex with you will impact her social standing
  4. How sex with you will impact her view of herself

A lot of this you can take care of beforehand - having a sexual vibe gets her ready for intimacy, disqualifying yourself as a boyfriend removes the question of whether she wants to keep you around or not, being discrete and making sure she understands you are (and, ideally, being someone from outside her circle, or even outside her city or country) removes objection #3, and reassuring her that you don't judge people who do what they want, that you only judge people who care so much about what society thinks that they set aside their own wants instead will hit #4.

If you take care of things beforehand, you'll have much easier going when you get to the point itself. If you didn't take care of things in advance, there's less you can do, but I've got a post up covering strategies for dealing with bedroom resistance and hesitancy right here: "How to Get a Girl in Bed."

Cheers,
Chase

Anonymous's picture

Question on point 4


I can fully understand not going for girls you have a bad feeling about, but logically seem like a good match, but what about those girls you have a good feeling about despite their being good logical reasons NOT to 'go for'.

Franco's picture

You shouldn't have a good


You shouldn't have a good feeling about a girl that has logically shown reasons not to be with her. I can usually immediately write a girl off if I see a clear-cut, logical reason that we shouldn't (or can't) be together. If you somehow still have a good feeling about a girl, then maybe you need to re-evaluate what your logical reason actually is for not being able to be with her. Is your logical reason based on your lack of confidence (i.e. I logically can't be with this girl... she is too beautiful for me), or is it based on realistic logistics (i.e. she lives in another country or she's obviously already in a happy relationship that shows no current signs of deteriorating)? If it is the former, then it means you need to work on training your mind to become more confident to obtain women who are logistically capable of being with you. The latter should be based on things that are out of your control or things that you know (from past experience) are not compatible with who you are.

Once you are able to separate true logical reasons from the emotional ones, your choices in women will come with more clarity.

- Franco

Anonymous's picture

Thanks Franco


Ok more specifically, although I didn't really want to make it a 'there's this one girl' type of post.

It's kind of both and neither reason in that it would take a emotional shift on her end and good logistics on both our parts.

I very often get a bad feeling about people in general, and hardly ever get a good feeling but this girl I get a good feeling about despite her telling me she's emotionally unavailable. I realise that sounds confusing.

Put another way from what she's saying is she's very unavailable, but how she acts is completely opposite, and I feel as if I really cannot fuck this one up because she won't let me. It's very much like she has a 'game plan' and she just hasn't got round to telling me yet.

Hope that doesn't sound too crazy :) and TBH in the end it doesn't really matter wether I get her or someone else. I'm way past all that pedistalising and needy crap.

Franco's picture

If she's single, then she's available


Generally you are correct in that you want to avoid these type of "this one girl" situations (as Chase preaches on this website), but I can probably give you some of my personal advice here.

The number one thing to keep in mind with women is that their actions reveal a lot more than their words do. The only primary reason I could think of that a girl would tell you that she is "emotionally unavailable," and then act in a completely opposite demeanor around you, is that there is probably another guy that she is trying to become involved with but wants to keep you around in case things don't work out.

This can be a dangerous situation in the sense that she will probably want to keep in contact with you while she pursues her other avenues and it can ultimately land you in the friend zone if you end up providing too much value to her life.

For this reason, I would suggest the following tactic that I use which I like to call responsive contact only (RCO: there may be some term for this in the Pick-Up community, but this is what I have coined it as anyway). If you have already asked her out on a date and she has declined (and make sure you do this if you haven't... you need to make your intentions clear), then you need to completely stop contacting her. The only communication you should have with her is when she contacts you first, and you want to be very short and very vague with her (i.e. she may contact you and say something like, "Hey, I haven't heard from you in awhile! How are things?" Your response should be something like: "I'm good. Sorry, I've just been busy!"). In essence, you want to give her the idea that you might be seeing someone else -- and if you can, I highly suggest you do!

The point is to make her worry that her window with you is closing and that she needs to act quickly if she wants to have a chance with you. Just the idea in her head that you may be dating another girl will also increase your attractiveness toward her. If this continues, then ideally at some point, she may just ask you to hang out because she's worried she's losing you. Make sure you don't succumb like a little puppy at this point though: make her fit into your schedule. Once you do get her out though, make sure you move things forward fast (as if it's the first date).

This kind of tactic won't always work, but it is and can be very effective for a girl who's in limbo like this.

Anyway, I hope things work out!

- Franco

Anonymous's picture

Ok that makes sense


Yeah that's kind of the thing, it's (from what she's said) a girl not a guy :)

I'm breaking new ground here, possibly quite literally.

Anyway I've taken enough of your time what you've said has given me a few things to go on, and indeed what Chase said in his reply is very useful.

Thanks guys!

Richie's picture

When is a good time to ask her out?


Hey Chase,
I've been single for a long time, purely out of choice! Boy has it been amazing..I'd like to start by saying I disagree with so many things I've found on most pua sites in the past two, crazy, years of my life (since I decided to better myself in this field!)
I came across your site a couple of weeks before Christmas by pure accident as I felt my text game was slipping..you showed me the error of my ways and it has gone fantastically with every girl since! So thanks for that :) I find your methods somewhat refreshing!

Praising aside: My question to you is 'when is a good time to ask her out?'
I mean this in the sense where I've been meeting a girl once a week, I got intimate on the first date, and everything is starting to feel very attractive ever since that after christmas party night! I generally like this girl and screening her has turned up some pretty fun results! I'd like to think I understand relationships to a degree, and I've been in a few long ones also..but I'm stuck in single mode. So again, if you could help me out here I'd find it awesome (as I couldn't find a post with this in it specifically) When do you ask a girl to be yours? I just can't get my finger on this one!
Thanks
Richie

Anonymous's picture

Positive assortative Mating


Positive assortative Mating (PAM) - You could easily translate that to mean that everyone is looking for the opposite-sex version of themselves... except better. But not significantly better.

I can understand this concept as I have desired women through this perspective but it gets problematic. What ends up happening is I fall for a women who has some of my traits but carries them in a matter a little better than me causing me to feel insecure and further putting her on a pedestal. I end up liking a girl who I think is better than me ( who in reality may or may not be better) and can never fully attempt to make a move on her because of this mental barrier. I think the mental barrier is why does a women want a man who has her traits but in a slightly Less better form.

I will like her even more because you like what you think you can't have. I'm accepting defeat without the fight.

I think this is where the perspective of PAM can be self defeating.
For instance, if I am a lawyer, I can never see myself with a lawyer who is a little better than me. Or if I was a doctor, to date another doctor who specializes in a specialty I couldn't qualify for.

Anonymous's picture

This has to be one of the


This has to be one of the most important article i have ever read in my life.

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