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Female Mind

A look into the way women see love, life, lust, and relationships.

How Conspicuous Consumption Helps Men Get Laid

Chase Amante's picture

On this website, my usual advice is that men do everything in their power to not paint themselves as overly wealthy, in order to avoid coming across as a boyfriend candidate. Certainly, dress well; but don't let on too obviously that you have wealth, a prestigious job, etc., if you do. In fact, if you're unemployed or not regularly employed (e.g., a business owner, an artist, etc.), talk about not having a job.

(this is a little different for men in the 40+ demographic, where you can be written off without some measure of accomplishment; for more on walking that fine line, see "Attracting and Dating Younger Women")

The objective is to prevent her from wanting you as a boyfriend in any way... so that you can focus on ramping up sexual tension and seize the role of the lover instead.

There is, however, one exception to this rule, which really isn't much of an exception at all - and that one exception is conspicuous consumption.

conspicuous consumption

Conspicuous consumption is every bit the attraction trigger in women that things like:

... all are.

And it doesn't violate the rule of "don't be stable", either, because men who consume conspicuously very often are not the picture of safety and security.

In fact, they tend to live quite wildly, and very often the most conspicuous spenders are the same men likely to bankrupt themselves at some point.

It's one of those triggers that cuts right to the most primal core of a woman's gut; when she sees it, a powerful, visceral, deep-seated attraction sets in that compels her to want a man, both by showing him to be among the cream of the crop mating-wise, and by advertising his total lack of viability as a long-term candidate.

How this works - and how you can use it, if you have even just a little bit of money to throw around (or how you can really blow it up if you have a lot) - is what this article is all about.

Why Cold Approach Works Better Than Anything Else

Chase Amante's picture

A reader comments on "How to Think About Women as You Get More Experienced", linking to a discussion on Reddit where a Redditor asks female members about their thoughts on being approached at random, and whether this is nagging them or annoying them... because he feels guilty about it. Here's the link. Our commenter here notes that this discussion has made him question whether he ought to cold approach.

I sympathize if you're newer and haven't started investing time in meeting beautiful strangers yet, and are hesitating before taking the plunge because it looks like a big commitment of time and energy to get good at and a lot of hard knocks and rejections and bumps to overcome along the way.

If you're sitting there wondering whom you ought to listen to, hearing a bunch of people say, "This cold approach malarkey doesn't even work - don't waste your time," can be pretty disheartening.

Maybe even enough to give up on the prospect of even trying in the first place.

But if you walk away from cold approach, you are walking away from one of the single most effective, uplifting, and empowering things you will ever learn to do in any way to improve your dating life, your sex life, your search for the ideal partner, and your own general confidence and happiness to boot. Few things in life will alter the direction of your life as profoundly as the ability to cold approach successfully and effectively.

cold approach

If that's so though - if cold approach really is as markedly effective and life-enhancing as this - why are there so many forces trying to lead you astray?

How to Physically Escalate in Public with Girls

Alek Rolstad's picture

physical escalationPhysical escalation is how you take things from platonic to sexually loaded and heaving with desire and anticipation with a girl, often in a short span of time. Escalation is often all the difference between being a girl’s friendly guy pal and being her lover.

We’ve covered physical escalation in various forms on this site before:

... however, what I want to focus on in today’s article is a comprehensive look at physical escalation in an interaction with a girl, while out, say, in a bar or on a date. How do you get her aroused, horny, and sexually excited in public with you?

That’s the question I’m answering today.

What’s the Difference Between a Lover and a Loser?

Chase Amante's picture

C. Wong posed a question on the article about social value several weeks back, trying to tease out what exactly is the difference between a lover and a loser:

lover vs. loser

Dear Chase,

This is another enlightening post, it clarify a lot of misconceptions that confuse men. I am currently digesting the first 200 pages of your ebook (Prob would take me some time to digest everything...those 400+ pgs have too much concepts and details). Anyway, I have a question on your ebook (and your previous article) regarding to the Lover's Value: http://www.girlschase.com/content/does-she-want-you-boyfriend-or-someth...

I understand your pt that the girl would slow things down with us if she noticed we men have lots of achievements, advance degree, and an admirable career etc because it shows we can be a long term husband candidate.

HOWEVER, what is the difference between "a man who offer lots of Lover's Value" and "a man who is plain loser" ? I am confuse, really confuse! Because somewhere in your ebook and your previous articles, u mentioned that u will only tell your woman that you are a writer/author who travel a lot instead of someone who run a business etc...BUT, THE MOST CRAZY PART is that u will even tell the girl that u are currently unemployed (Or unemployed for a very long time) in order for u to get out of the Provider Category. I think THIS IS INSANE!!

Wouldn't the girl think we are a loser if we say that we are unemployed or have been unemployed for a while? I mean, as a lover, your job is to provide romantic experience to the woman. Your job is to be a good "gene donor" who provide great genes.<--[Please tell me is this sentence and my understanding of your thinking is correct, Chase]

Wouldn't the girl think your genes are in low and bad quality if u tell them that you are unemployed in order to get out of the Lover Category? Wouldn't it make more sense if u tell them that you are a senior level engineer, accountant, doctor, lawyer, or business man BUT u will not stay in one location, you are going back to your home state etc? So she would think that u have good genes to gain resource (thus attractive to u), but too bad, u are not local etc?

Thank you very much Chase! Your ebook definitely worth my time and my money.

Warm Regards

It's an necessary distinction to make, and reaching the point where you HAVE to make this decision is something the average man daren't even try to do... when you haven't raised up your value as a lover high enough, dropping your value as a boyfriend candidate can very quickly leave you with a whole lot of nothing in the dating circuit.

So what is the difference between being a lover... or just being an out-and-out loser?

We Are Not Having Sex Tonight: What Happens When You Don’t

Chase Amante's picture

We've been seeing more comments from readers lately asking about situations like what Mike ran into the other day as remarked on the "How to Steal a Girl" article:

Hey Chase,

I am 19 and I really appreciate all the insightful information you've made available for guys like me to read who aren't all that experienced.

I have a situation where I've been talking with a girl for a few months, and I finally got to see her for the first time two weekends ago(we live a state apart from each other) after texting, talking on the phone and FaceTiming daily before that.

She had been giving me slight hints that she liked me by little mannerisms and things that were made aware to me by reading your posts. Also, I flew up to see her and she dropped $250 on the hotel and drove me around all weekend, so I got her to invest. The first night I had a plan to have sex with her, and followed your suggestions that you had laid out to the tee.

The night started off great and I could tell she was into me so physical escalation was simple, but after quite a bit of foreplay I made a rookie mistake and left my condoms out of reach. And when I tried to make the move to get them, it took her out of seduction mode and allowed her to think, reminding herself about the internal moral belief she had told me previously about not having sex with guys she's not in a relationship with; therefore killing the vibe for the night.

This was on a Friday night and we spent the rest of the weekend hanging out since we made a special occasion due to the long distance situation. Nothing happened sexually on Saturday or Sunday and she was acting aloof and uninterested on Sunday so I could tell something was up.

I left for home unsure of what was on her mind and now, over a week later, in the time that has passed she has been short texting me with nearly zero emotion or ignoring my texts altogether. In addition, she turned down my offer to facetime, which she has never done before. So it is obvious that something is up, but when I resorted to going "alpha-male" and looking for a response she said she's "been busy?" and didn't respond to my next text asking about it.

Is this a sign of auto-rejection? Or is she testing me with the mixed signals BS? I am really in my head, beating myself up about things I may have done wrong because I know she likes me, but I'm not sure how things could have gone sour so quickly. I thought I had her chasing me and I know she was into me but now I'm afraid I'm getting close to chasing her. Once again, I'm really thankful for all the work you do. I'm aware that this is a lot and my situation is a unique one. I would greatly appreciate any advice and feedback you have for my situation!!

Thank you for your time,

Mike

not having sex

That is to say, situations where the guy takes things right up to the point of sex with a new girl... only for it to fall flat; she says 'no', and he walks away, figuring he can always try again later.

Except, after that single failure, there's almost never a "later."

Why do women vanish after you come right to the brink but don't go over - what's the psychology behind this, and what are the options you have to do anything about it?

Last Minute Resistance from Sexy Women: Treating It and Beating It

Alek Rolstad's picture

last minute resistanceLast month I shared a report that doubled as a how-to on getting threesomes ("Threesome How-To: Step-by-Step to Get Two Girls") that was a big hit, in which I covered one of my real-life interactions leading to a threesome. What people really liked about it were all the details and the analysis following the tips given in the report. Written this way, the report served as a guide to doing what I do with sex talk and getting threesomes.

I’d therefore like to keep up with the concept of combining reports and how-tos, but I will cover different elements in each of these so as not be repetitive. Today we will mostly cover:

  • Logistics (more interesting than you would expect)
  • Physical escalation (you will love the parts on escalation)
  • And how to handle last minute resistance (LMR)

The point of including this in a report is to show you not just how to deal with last minute resistance, but also how to avoid it entirely, since this resistance is most often a case of you either not screening properly or not handling things properly, although sometimes you really cannot handle things perfectly due to the circumstances you meet a girl in.

My plan with my writing will often be focused about sharing material, but also sharing material within a context. This way I believe it gives you, the reader, a broader perspective about how to use the material in real life situations, and more properly shows and tells how it all works together.

How to Steal a Girl from Under Her Boyfriend’s Nose

Chase Amante's picture

Going to take a dip into a moral gray area today, but will talk a bit about "karma" as I do so, too. And not the spiritual sort - that's neither here nor there, as far as I'm concerned. I'm far more interested in the practical variety.

Anyway, we've had some discussion lately about snagging girls from directly under their boyfriends' noses - one of our forum members who's been racking up a number of new girls in bed lately, NarrowJ, shared a recent report about taking a girl to bed in the house she stayed in with her (rather controlling and abusive) boyfriend, and a reader named Aaron recently wrote in with this question:

Hi Chase and friends at girlschase,

I was thinking an article on how to deal with the boyfriend himself in social situations would be great for an article, and would build on the shoulders of Chase's earlier article: "Girl Has a Boyfriend? 3 Things to Do, and 7 Things NOT to."

Imagine the following scenario: You know this girl from work or school. You like her. She likes you. You flirt with each other. The only problem? She has a long term boyfriend. Or alternatively, you meet a girl who has brought her boyfriend with her at a party.

Either way, a social situation arises in which she presents her boyfriend to you (for example at a party to test you, or out pure coincidence).

How do you handle the boyfriend? How do you demonstrate that you are a more dominant, superior, better man, and that she would be better off with you?

Hope you consider this!

Aaron"

how to steal a girl

Is this possible to do? Sure. Is it something you can consistently pull off? ... well, let's just say take whatever your normal consistency is at picking up, and reduce that a fair bit because now you're trying to outcompete the girl's boyfriend; however, if you can pull this off with a girl who wants you to steal her from her man (we'll talk about these girls and why they want this in a bit), in this case you can actually achieve a higher degree of consistency at pulling... assuming you handle logistics properly.

But before we discuss doing this, let's talk a little about the scenario itself, and any potential moral implications... because I don't get my kicks making good people sob, and I hope you don't either.

It's Not Your Investment in Her; It's Hers in You

Chase Amante's picture

One of those reminders it's good to have every now and again.

Men who fall prey to white knighting or taking up residence in women's friend zones do so under the sway of the mental model of "do for others, and they will do for you."

Good model for some things... but NOT for attraction.

Doing for others up front does not attract you:

  • Friends
  • Business partners
  • Paying customers
  • Fans of your art

... and it doesn't land you women.

her investment

In fact, when people see you doing stuff for them for free, unsolicited, or uncompensated, their thought is never, "Wow, what a great guy! I should repay him in spades!" but rather, "Oh, that's nice - it's nice having nice people around like this who give me stuff. Thanks, nice person!"

But this doesn't just apply to pushover white knights.

You'll see even men who are normally good with women slip into doing this from time to time - they start overinvesting themselves, trying to win a girl over (or win her back) by doing more and more and more for her.

Investment's relationship with attraction is a bit more nuanced than these men doing these things might realize, however. And more investment from you does not necessarily (or even usually) mean more attraction from her.

Emotional Association: You Need This with the Women in Your Life

Chase Amante's picture

There's a very powerful factor in both courtship and relationships that has an outsized influence on how "with you" a girl really is... or isn't.

emotional association

It's something that makes all the difference in the world between her brushing off and deflecting interlopers who come in to try to make you and her break circle when the two of you have just met, or her indifferently engaging in conversation with whomever she finds herself talking to next, with little a care or concern about re-engaging with you.

And it makes a huge, obscene amount of difference in how much of her time a romantic partner of yours is going to spend thinking about you, doing nice little things for you even when you haven't asked her to, and going out of her way for you... and it even makes a very large difference in how much respect she has for you in your relationship, how personally insulting or not she is during arguments, and even how likely she is to cheat on you.

This one single factor is something called "emotional association", and it's a factor that you want to get going for you whenever and wherever possible.

How to Dance with a Girl and TURN HER ON

Cody Lyans's picture

how to dance with a girlWhen you know how to dance with a girl in a sensual, sexual, not platonic, gentlemanly, nice-guy way, you’re at a huge advantage with women in parties, bars, and nightclubs. Dancing is a socially acceptable way to be in a woman's personal space and allow her to taste what you are like without her having to fear judgement.

It even helps you to turn a girl on in a fast, simple, and relatively harmless (and very socially acceptable) way.

The only question is how do you turn such a safe act into a seductive one... and leave her wanting more?

You really shouldn’t aim to be a “professional dancer” in order to impress women, because skill at dancing in and of itself is actually rather platonic (i.e., NOT sexually exciting to women) compared to what a seductive man can do under the veils of it.