How to Physically Escalate in Public with Girls

physical escalationPhysical escalation is how you take things from platonic to sexually loaded and heaving with desire and anticipation with a girl, often in a short span of time. Escalation is often all the difference between being a girl’s friendly guy pal and being her lover.

We’ve covered physical escalation in various forms on this site before:

... however, what I want to focus on in today’s article is a comprehensive look at physical escalation in an interaction with a girl, while out, say, in a bar or on a date. How do you get her aroused, horny, and sexually excited in public with you?

That’s the question I’m answering today.

physical escalation

Put simply, physical escalation is all about touching girls. In the seduction community this has been known as “kino” (short for kinesthetic).

Most people associate physical escalation with “making women horny”. There is no doubt that touching and creating a physical connection with a sweet girl is a good way to make her horny. Think about it, doesn’t a touch (especially around intimate areas) make you horny? The same things go for girls.

But this is just one aspect of what we’ll talk about today. Physical escalation is much more than just this.

Escalating the Vibe

Physical escalation, in addition to arousing women, can also work as a tool to escalate the vibe. You must escalate the vibe - the energy or emotion between you and her - in order to have sex with a girl.

Let’s say you met a sweet girl in a bar. You still don’t know each other, and, at the moment, you’re just both talking about some silly stuff (or maybe even better, you are flirting or talking about sex?). Either way, having sexual intercourse with this woman you’ve just met still feels light-years away; in fact, you’ve only just learned her name.

First of all, it is not necessarily true that the distance in time from a random social interaction to having sexual intercourse with a person is always all that long, even if it might feel that way. Many times the vibe can change from social to sexual within minutes, sometimes an hour or within multiple days.

But most of the time it can happen quicker than expected.

The reason is simply that we humans all love sex - women too. If that weren’t the case, most of the men reading this article would most likely not be reading this article because you would never have been born... because your parents wouldn’t have had sex. Sex is a biological necessity sought by both women and men, without which we’d be unable to secure our survival (without taking into consideration assisted pregnancy, etc. – impractical at a global scale and for anyone who isn’t relatively well-off).

If a woman is into you and you escalate properly, sex will most likely happen. You might get some resistance, but don’t worry we will get to that in a later post.

But in order to make intercourse happen, you need to lead the interaction from a social one into a sexual one – you need to escalate the vibe. Physical escalation is one of the many tools that can help you to do this.

Sexual Framing

As we discussed in my article on sex talk, the frame you’ve set (i.e., the underlying meaning of the interaction) will affect a woman’s perception of you. If she perceives as a friendly man (a potential male friend?), she will most likely treat you like one.

However, when she starts perceiving you as a sexual man (a lover), the chances that you will have sex with her increases drastically, because sex becomes something expected from you.

When you touch a woman, and behave in a sexual manner (leading the interaction from a social one to a sexual one with a lot of confidence) it automatically makes her perceive you as a sexual man – which is a good thing.

Creating a Physical Connection

This is probably the most underrated aspect of escalation. When you escalate physically, you also make women comfortable being physical around/with you. How can a girl be comfortable with having sex with you if she hasn’t even touched you (or you touched her)? Again, it all comes down to escalating the vibe (i.e., progressively building up the vibe step-by-step from social to sexual).

But when you escalate, you also create momentum – you make her feel that there is something special going on between you and her. This makes her more comfortable about you being physical with her, as she sees potential in you as a lover.

But enough theorizing. Let’s get to the practical stuff.

physical escalation

What steps are involved in conducting a physical escalation with a new woman you’ve just met? I’ve broken the process down into a the steps below for you to follow the next time you’re out meeting girls.

Start Early On

physical escalation In order to escalate the vibe, you need to start somewhere. Of course, when you are about to get physical with a lady you’ve just met, you will start out lightly (maybe just touch her shoulder once in a while). What is important is to start getting physical with a girl as soon as possible.

The more you interact, the more you flirt, the longer you wait before starting to touch her, the more the nervous you will become to actually do it. The idea of touching her will just feel awkward to you, and you might even chicken out (and not get laid). But it will also affect her, as it will make her more nervous when you touch her. This is because she now perceives you as a man “who doesn’t escalate physically”, which will affect her expectations for how things proceed. She will perceive you as an a-sexual man.

Sex is not expected from you, and once you start touching her (after having waited for, let us say, two hours?) it will only be awkward for her, and she will most likely put up some resistance. In the worst-case scenario, she might even put you in the friend zone.

There is one exception to this rule, which is that you can wait with the touching if you manage to make her horny and set a sexual frame by using sex talk. But still, better be safe than sorry: always start escalating as fast possible, even if it is just you touching her shoulder – you’ve got to start somewhere, anyway.

Follow a Ladder – Escalate the Vibe

Again, you want to progress from a social vibe into a sexual one. But in most cases, you cannot just jump from a social vibe into a sexual one simply by doing one bold move. Single bold moves done out of the blue typically merely create resistance (and sometimes even progress into a rejection).

What we therefore want to do is to climb a ladder – escalating the vibe step by step. The process can be explained as making small moves and increasing the sexual-ness of the escalation according to her reactions. Here it’s key to keep your eyes open and observe her reactions.

You take one step forward if and only if she reacts positively to your moves. If the vibe she gives you is negative or neutral, watch your moves and put your escalation on hold until the vibe gets better.

You might also, if you don’t get the desired effect, take a step back and even create more attraction before moving on.

The whole purpose is to climb the ladder according to her level of interest. In my report about last minute resistance, I shared a few escalation ladders. The idea with these is to move from touching areas of her body that are socially acceptable to touch into touching more and more intimate areas. Here is an example of an escalation ladder that you can use:

  1. Her upper arms and shoulder first…

  2. Her belly next

  3. Then down to her hips

  4. Get closer to her butt (here, I recommend you to only touch the side of her cheeks – don’t touch her behind directly, you might come across as creepy, especially if you haven’t gotten a clear green light from her that such a move is okay)

  5. Her hips again

  6. And her belly (when you reach this point, you can isolate your girl by taking her home, or you may stay where you are and proceed further – up to you)

  7. To the area around her breasts

  8. Then sliding your hands down to her belly

  9. To her hips again

  10. Finally to her pubic area (but don’t touch her vagina until you are fully isolated at the seduction location)

Again, this is just an example; you might change the ladder to your specific situation. Remember, you don’t have to escalate all the way at the meet-location (like at the club, if you’re meeting girls in nightclubs). You can escalate halfway (up to, for example, step 5), and then go for a kiss in order to drag her back home. When home at her place, you should start doing the escalation ladder all over again (from the beginning) because some momentum will be lost during the pull (like during the taxi trip). Once at the seduction location though, you will of course go all the way.


When it comes to mating, we men are the dominant ones. This means that we are supposed to lead women through the interaction. However, no girl would like to be led by a men who is insecure, who doesn’t know what he is doing or who is hesitating on his moves. Think about it: would you skydive with an instructor who was afraid of doing the jump and seemed to not know what he was doing? I certainly wouldn’t jump with him.

The same thing goes for seduction, and especially escalation. If you escalate with confidence, you’ll find it will always go smoother for you. It’ll remove a lot of her resistance, and it will make her comfortable being around you. These are all good things. Nothing is sexier than a dominant man who leads the interaction with confidence.

Here are some advice:

  1. Never hesitate. Have a plan. If you don’t have one ( your are not sure what your next move is) just do something (touch her belly or whatever). The results will always be better when you touch the wrong part at the wrong time, rather than when you hesitate. You also risk touching the right part at the right time. Yes, you need to be a man and take some risks.

  2. Don’t observe your hands when you touch her. It’s anti-social and not sexy. Don’t do it.

  3. Never have submissive body language when you escalate. Have straight body posture and never look down (unless you lost your phone on the ground). Have your chest a little out in order to express confidence.

  4. Assume attraction. Assume that she digs it when you escalate on her. This will make you communicate much more confidence when you escalate. PS: as a matter of fact, women love getting touched by men (but only when those men touch them the right way).

Different Escalation Tools

I would like to quickly cover the different tools that you can use when you escalate.

  • Touch: the most standard escalation tool. Touch is often done with the use of your hands, which you will use to touch the different areas of a girl’s body. There are three ways you can use your hands:

    • The first of these is by softly caressing different areas of her body (like caressing her shoulders) – this works well for creating comfort and making her feel comfortable with you being physical with her (i.e., work wonder if you sense that she is a little uncomfortable).

    • The next way is by sliding your hands over different areas of her body – which is a rather neutral move that has a very versatile effect.

    • The third type of move you have is “the grab”, where you grab different areas of her body (such as her rump or hips). This last move is a very dominant move and is a little risky, but can be very useful at the end of your escalation ladder.

  • physical escalationEye contact: very powerful. Look at her deep in the eyes and feel her horniness increase. I usually select one of her eyes and stare into it. But once she breaks eye contact (because she can’t really handle the tension), you should break it too (in order to not come across as the creepy staring guy). However, one rule of thumb is to NEVER break eye contact first. It will make you come across as insecure and submissive. Most women find this unattractive, for obvious reasons.

  • Cutting spaces: an underrated tool. Once you interact with a girl, slowly but surely cut the spaces between the two of you. You do so by once in a while moving one step closer to her. After a while, your whole bodies should be touching each other (which is hot).

  • Kissing: kissing is hot, but let me warn you about kissing. Women find kissing fun and they might kiss you just for that reason. It often means nothing to them. Sometimes I think it is much better to not kiss, just to let her wonder why you haven’t kissed her. Sometimes, however, I think kissing works great just to push things a little further (to escalate the vibe and break a physical barrier). Never overdo it, though. Most men have a tendency to kiss too much. This will bore her out. Do you want her to associate your kisses with boredom?

  • Biting and sucking: simply awesome. After having broken multiple physical barriers and having escalated the vibe up quite a bit (maybe even kissed her) you can suck and lick her neck and ears (not every girl likes it when a man plays with her ears, though – just a little warning).


You avoid getting resistance in the form of anti-slut defence (which is a reputation defence mechanism women employ to protect against being labelled as a “slut” when they behave in a sexual manner) by isolating (i.e., getting her away from her friends and getting to be alone with her).

The fewer people there are around her, the more she will allow you to escalate.

Before doing any sexual moves (such as doing something intimate), you should isolate her. Once isolated, the chances that she will accept your sexual moves become much bigger.

Close When the Iron is Hot

Once she is hot (i.e., horny), get her to a seduction location and sleep with her. I can’t count how many times I have ruined it by not following this rule. Women are led by their emotions, and when you escalate, you generate horniness. As horniness is a type of emotion, it can change at ANY time – especially if you are in an environment, such as in a club, where there are a lot of mental stimuli going on.

Therefore, you need to go for it once you feel it’s on, else you might risk her mood changing or her getting bored (because she is horny and you didn’t take the next step).

physical escalation

Physical escalation is one of the most crucial ways to get women in bed. Not only does it make girls horny, but it also creates a perception of you as a lover in her eyes – which we by now know increases the chances of getting laid.

Women love getting touched, but they only love this with the right man: the man who knows what he is doing. This post has shared multiple tools that will help you to be that man in your future adventures. Here is a short recap:

  1. Start early on – get her used to your touch.

  2. Follow a ladder – escalate the vibe by increasing the sexual intent with step-by-step moves. Your goal is to lead the interaction from a social to a sexual one.

  3. Confidence – when you are confident and you know what you are doing, the escalation will go much smoother

  4. Escalation tools – you can touch, use eye contact, kiss, cut spaces and bite and suck.

  5. Isolation – when isolated, women will be more open toward you and more likely to accept your moves. Sexually loaded moves should be done while isolated.

  6. Close when the iron is hot – later is maybe too late.

That was it. Now, many of you might face certain other difficulties, such as resistance when you escalate (i.e., her reacting negatively or in a cold way to your moves) but do not worry, I will be dedicating my next post precisely to this problem.

I hope you enjoyed this article. Feel free to write a comment or ask questions.


Alek RolstadAbout the Author: Alek Rolstad

Alek Rolstad launched his pickup career at age 14, an early starter and seduction savant. His unique style of game focuses on “sex talk”: a way to make sex the primary topic of conversation. Sex talk lets the user excite girls rapidly, and filter for girls open to fast, raunchy, kinky one-night stands and sex. Alek plans to offer phone coaching to students of Girls Chase soon… Just as soon as he can find somewhere to hold phone calls on sex talk and threesomes where he won’t be shocking his roommates.

Get Your FREE eBook on Texting Girls

how to text girls pdf

Sign up for our email insights series and get a copy of our popular ebook "How to Text Girls" FREE. Learn more ...

Related Articles from


TR's picture

Hey Alex, this is all great stuff, but where would you define a simple arm around her back - like the romantic type you see on any couch. Is that too much in BF territory like holding hands or would you say its a solid option to build initial comfort. My experience tells me the latter but I'm far from an expert.

I have to escalate a girl I have a meeting with from a social context to a sexual one in my apartment soon and am wondering whether I should get the arm over immediately to solidify comfort from the outset or whether I should just keep it sexy and use my nonverbals/demeanor, which I know she loves anyway.

Alek Rolstad's picture

Hi TR. good question from you.

First of all the main point of physical escalation is to go from a social vibe into a sexual one. what you are talking about can work and can help you out, especially when it coems to create comfort physically, however it can backfire drastically.

The way this can backfire, is that it can fuck up her perception of you - she might perceive you as a boyfriend potential and not purely as a sexual man. But isn't the following a good thing, especially if you want her as a girlfriend?

The answer is no. The reason is because when women perceive one man as a potential boyfriend, they also often perceive him as a good guy, a provider and often times also a beta male. This means that you might enter into a relationship on the wrong terms. Even worse is when you communicate to her that you are the one trying to get her into a relationship. This can lead to 2 different negative outcomes:
1) You will enter into the relationship on her terms, because you are the one willing to enter the relationship, which puts her in control of the situation because she is now holding the cards (because you are now chasing her)
2) The natural waysexually attractive do things is that we make sure women fuck us, then women make sure they get to keep us - this sets a frame of us being the prize.

Also there is no better way to get into a relationship than being a sexual man, get laid, satsifie hersexual needs so much that she wants you to become her boyfriend.

So to me, the best way is to no matter what trying to be perceived as a sexual man, a man that provides sex - good sex. Everything else is just a waste of time. Because once you get to fuck her in a good way, you have a lot of options (ask yourself who is more likely to get a girlfriend, a man who fucks a girl well, or a man who have created a so called "emotional connection" without having sex with the girl?).

To me, this kind off romantic move is something that can only be used if the frame bwetween you and the girl is clearly a sexual one - when you know that from you, the only thing she can expect at the moment is good sex. In this case you are free to use such a move in order to create some comfort. However in situations where you don|t truly know what's up, then avoid doing the following.

Glad you liked the post


TR's picture

Thanks Alek, I love the way you break things down to each possible component. I've been noticing that girls love proximity above anything else, so I'm planning on just keeping a sexy aura through our meeting and rewarding her with some touch as we really start to get into it.

Also, I'd like to request that somebody could write up an in-depth article on proximity, because recently its been so amazing for me that anything else seems like unnecessary extra work. Learning multiple ways to inspire it smoothly is my #1 goal for right now.

Just last night I walked over to a girl lounging at a couch and in less than a minute I was stroking her hair and whispering in her ear - its such a rush of power to be able to watch a girl get horny just by letting time pass. I should have invited her home or at least grabbed a # (I had to leave), but I'll just cement that in my head so I don't blow it next time. I didn't have good logistics for the night anyway so I'm not kicking myself too hard.

Thanks again Alek, keep up the good work. We really appreciate it.

tklightning's picture

Good stuff Alek. I've a question I think you can help me with. I was wondering on how you might physically escalate with a girl you meet in school, specifically when you sit next to her in a lecture hall. I've had my leg rest up against another girl's leg when I met her, but I think I might be able to do more than that when I first meet a girl in a lecture hall. Thanks - Tyler

Tyler Davis

Alek Rolstad's picture

Tyler Davis,

Hi thanks for the kudos.

My answer to your question is that you should not escalate on a girl at the uni especially not during a lecture or in a lecture hall. The reason is because she will put up a lot of resistance (actually shitloads) because her social circle is there, people she knows, people she will meet everyday.

If you re-read my post you will see that there a part covering isolation. Idolation is key becase if you are not isoalte you increase the chances that she will put up some resistance. Also to most girls there are a lot of things that she will resist to unless she is isolated with you.

The reason is because women get labelled as a slut for beign sexual. Therefore the more she feel exposed, the more protective she will become. If you are isolate with her, chances are that nobody will find out what happened between you and her. therefore she will also feel more comfortable about opening herself up to you sexually if you are isolated.

In this scenario, you can flirt and stuff with her at the lecture hall, but let your physical moves remain rather innocent. Yuo can still touch her, but i would stay away from touching any parts that are intimate (legs are rather intimate). You can touch areas which are socially accepted to touch in this situation. An example of this would be touching her upper arms of shoulders.

The ideals way to proceeed is to flirt and get a certain connection and invite her out for a drink (near your palce for obvious reasons) and rather do the physical escalatiopn there (or at your place)in order to avoid getting shitloads of resistance.

Also, honestly I don|t like to make things more difficult than necessary. Picking up girls at your school rarely works and when it does, it usually causes much more drama than if you met a random girl at the club. There is also a lot more work to do (a lot of shitwork, like handling shittests, women not answering texts, women flaking... giving lmr) in such a situation. Just saying :)


Anonymous's picture

Hi Alex. Great way of breaking it down, thankfully I think I have been doing some of these things already with a girl I like but reading certainly helps. I have a question, you may be able to help.

I'm getting mixed signals from this girl. (Yes I've read the articles regarding this). I first met her when we worked together for a few weeks over summer last year with work based away from our respective homes. She is quite the flirtatious type but had a boyfriend at the time anyway, so we were only every friends. Then this year we again were working there together, based there for a a month or so. This time she was single I think recently broken up with her bf. Our interaction was good, always a lot of flirting and the vibe was positive. However, at the time I think I subconsciously played it safe, as I thought she was a massive tease. So I guess I was never optimistic about making anything happen at that time and my intentions were never solid. In hindsight I can see I made mistakes. We went on a few work nights out where I think now I may have missed my escalation window to make my move, by getting too drunk.

Anyway we live not too far from one another and had always said we'd go on a night out or something when were back home. About a month later I message her on FB chat (I know now, bad move!) to see how she is blah blah boring chat and mention about going out soon. A few weeks later I tell her I'm going out with some old mates in a town nearby to her and would be good if she could make it. She responded positively and said she had a party but would be out after. We meet up out and the vibe is really good. Lot's of physical escalation, she's out with friends but pays me a lot of attention away from them. Anyway I end up moving in grab her cheek and we make out. She seems relieved and vaguely remember her wondering why I didn't make a move months ago. She goes to find her friends and disappears, but that was expected as we both had pre arranged destinations later (I had friends staying over and had to take them back) and there was no chance of hooking up.
Next day she texts me see how our night was . I reply with the usual answers and some flirty banter, told her to have a good week, conversation ends. Note: she takes a long time to reply to texts. Intending to set up a meet, I txt her about 4/5 days later in afternoon to break ice expecting quick reply before I would then ask. She doesn't reply till late that night, I ask if shes busy this weekend? She then replies next evening (Fri) saying she has a house party tonight but not much else. Knowing she'd still be up and out I text back late (early morning) and asked if she wanted to do something the next evening? she replies much later excusing herself saying she would but has the worst hangover ever... hmmm. and she will let me know later. Anyway turns out she was still not feeling up to it. I text saying it's a shame was short notice anyway and to feel better soon. (Not the best text). Haven't spoken since.

I am now wondering whether this girl has just gone cold on me and if I missed my window. We don't see each other regularly and so I won't see her in person. Should I follow least effort and wait for this girl to get back to me, or just next her?

sam b's picture

Today during my 2 hr break I took a little walk by where I work. I met this really sexy swedish girl walking and I approached her and invited her to a nearby coffee shop. We talked for about 20 mins. Bad news is that she's only in town till midnight bc she's a flight attendant. I was literally stuck on how I could take her bed. Obviously I had no time and she was leaving the same day. So I just took her to a park, we talked for a few mins then right away I went for the kiss. She rejected then a min or two later I try again and she goes in. I could tell she had interest (thx to this site i've learned so much) she asked me if I do this often and I said no, i'm only doing this bc ur leaving tonight.
The more we stuck around it was getting a bit more strange but still not too bad. She started wrapping her arms around mine and I walked her back to her bus station and now she's gone.

She did say she would request to come back to my city.

It could be a month or longer. I was thinking wait around and see if she'll text me first. Or should I take initiative to text her first. I don't like texting for so long very boring to me. However I would love to see this girl again.

If anyone can give me some good solid advice I would appreciate it very much.

Adrian's picture

You've got a really good post regarding physical escalation in public, but I still have a question.
I just got to college and a lot of girls are flirting with me, but I don't know how to get them to my place. I was once making out with one of them and I really turned her on, I could feel it in her breath, in her reactions, but because we were in a public place there was no way we could have sex. I told her "hey let's go to my place and watch a movie or something". She first said yes, but then the magic was gone and her rational mind came in. As a result, she refused, eventually.
The point is this: how can I get girls to my place and be alone with them? Or how can I have sex with them in other places? This has been annoying me for some time and it's really frustrating.
Thanks again for the post,

Anonymous2131's picture

Dude I find this very usefull (theorically speaking) and everything makes total sense but somehow I CANT escalate with girls. Like a lot of friends always tell me that lots of girls find me handsome and that I should fuck more girls but when it comes to escalate I always end up in the friendzone or girls loses interested cuz they get bored, and the reason is I just dont know how to take things further…

I always have a good start I present myself as a social guy and they like that, I look into her eyes, I speak secure of myself, and I act independent but there is a certain point in the interaction when I dont know what to do anymore, and I know that in that moment I need to move things to a next level just that i dont know how so they stop seeing me as a potential lover, or fuckbuddy or whatever they're thinking. I cant get any girl to like me dude they all look like disappointed or something (you know what I am talking about). Any advise or something? Shits drivin me crazy xD

Add new comment

The Latest from