How to Prevent Cheating by Your Girlfriend

how to prevent cheatingYesterday I made a post on the infamous scenario of when a girl has a boyfriend and you want to date her or get together with her anyway.

As you might expect (though I admittedly hadn't really thought about before making the post), some guys got upset and one of them responded with, and I paraphrase, "How could you?" (another one responded with a comment that wasn't as eloquently put and didn't merit posting)

How could I what, you might ask? Why... how could I share with men this forbidden knowledge on how to get girls who are already attached! Now, I get a lot of people asking myself to censor myself on this website - human sexuality is the single most controlled and censored thing in recorded (and doubtless before recorded) history, after all... we're all biological organisms, and the ultimate aim of all biological organisms is reproduction. Everyone and their brothers wants to be able to control the system, maximize their own abilities to mate, and prevent others from becoming or remaining threats to them.

But as luck would have it, I prepared a companion piece for yesterday's post on how to get a girl with a boyfriend: namely, one on how to prevent cheating; or, how to make your girlfriend not want to stray... and how to make her so crazy about YOU that no other guy will be much of a threat.

Do please note: we're going to take a walk down evolutionary psychology road, so if you have any reservations about wanting to open up the hood on relationships and see what's really underneath, this ain't the post for you. You have been warned...!

First Order of Business: Don't Try to Stop Her

Where most guys go wrong in their relationships is trying to stop their women from cheating.

Am I telling you to give her a free pass to just... go do whatever she wants?

No, absolutely not. Rather, what I'm telling you is this: if you try to PREVENT cheating, you will FAIL, 9 times out of 10.

Instead, you must inspire fidelity.

To paint the picture more clearly, let's say I gave you this assignment: there is a man who has a good heart, but he lives in a bad part of town, has no job, has a family to support, and he doesn't have any work skills. It's easy for him to sell drugs or steal; there aren't really any other easy avenues open to him to make money. Your assignment: prevent him from committing a crime.

What do you give yourself as odds you'll succeed? You can spend day and night with him, monitoring him, and refuse to let him out of the house, but at SOME point when your back is turned... he's going to go rob a liquor store, and you'll have failed.

You can't win by trying to STOP people.

Now let's say I gave you the same man as an assignment... but I didn't tell you your job was to prevent him from committing a crime. Instead, what I told you was this: your job is to help HIM get a job and teach him how to support his family in a safe and lawful way that he'll be happy with and take pride in.

Can you do that? Might be hard, but it's a lot more achievable than, "Don't let him commit a crime, ever. For the next 40 years," ain't it?

And if you can get him a stable job that he likes and provides more than enough income for him and his family, do you think this man with a good heart who cares about his family will commit any more crimes?

Well, a girl in a relationship that predisposes her to infidelity is just like this: she's like that guy with a good heart who doesn't see any option but to sell drugs or rob liquor stores. She's in a relationship where she doesn't see any way to get what she needs aside from straying.

And so long as your mission is: "STOP HER FROM CHEATING!", you're going to fail.

Your mission needs to become "Make her only want ME."

Why Women Cheat

One of the fantastic things about being a man is that women (well, MOST women) only cheat in reaction to YOU.

Unlike men, who stray from otherwise committed relationships simply because they ran into a hot woman, women don't normally stray from a relationship because they saw a hunky slab of man meat that they simply had to sink their fingernails into. They might occasionally describe it that way, but the actual emotional motivation is different from men's.

Men's ultimate motivation for cheating:

“Hot woman. Must spread genes.”

Women's ultimate motivation for cheating:

“Current partner is unsatisfactory. Must A) get better genes, B) find a supportive replacement partner, or C) force change in the relationship.”

That's right - women ultimately boil down to one of three (3) possible reasons for infidelity:

  1. They've come to believe that their man is weak and unworthy of siring their offspring,

  2. They've come to believe that their man is untrustworthy and will fail to support their offspring, or

  3. They've hit a wall and are unable to get progress in the relationship, so they act out to force change

I won't spend much time going into why cheating revolves around reproduction, any more than to say that the entire reason that romance, dating, sex, marriage, relationships, and any of that stuff exists is so humans can reproduce. All of it evolved to further human reproduction - making babies - and that's what it all eventually revolves around.

That said, let's have a brief look at each of these three rationales.

#1: He's Weak

More polite women will reassure you they don't think this way, but women absolutely, positively detest weakness in men. They can't stand it. And the more beautiful and in-demand a woman is, the more she loathes weakness in men.

You must be strong with your woman. It's utterly, completely tantamount to remaining attractive to her. You can have a saggy beer gut, be making $10 an hour at the gas station, have lost most of your hair, and wear beat-up old stained clothes, but if you are STRONG she will WORSHIP the ground you walk on.

Conversely, you could look like an Adonis, drive the most expensive sports car on the planet, wear nothing but Gucci and Prada, and live in a penthouse suite next to Central Park in downtown Manhattan, but if you are WEAK around her she will DESPISE you.

Why? Why is strength so completely, utterly, vitally important to women?

Two reasons:

  1. The strength of her mate determines the strength of her offspring, and

  2. The strength of her mate determines her likelihood to survive and her offspring's likelihood to

A lot of the things women hate are actually hardwired responses to drive them away from men who will provide them with weak offspring that will do less well at passing on their genes or will negatively impact their chances of surviving in the world.

Imagine a cavewoman from 20,000 years ago has babies with that guy in the group that nobody respects and always gets his mammoth steak snatched away by the bigger, cooler cavemen. Think her kids with him stand a better-than-average chance of passing her genes on to future generations, or a worse-than-average chance?

Now imagine a cavewoman from 20,000 years ago has babies with the tribal leader of the group, whom everyone loves and respects and makes offering of cave bear kabobs to whenever there's a cave picnic. Think her kids stand a better- or worse-than-average chance of passing on her genes?

Of course, right? The woman who breeds with the strong man has strong children with higher odds of successfully mating with other strong children; the woman who breeds with the weak man has weak children who end up mating with other weak children or don't end up mating at all.

Thus, women end up avoiding weak men as much as men avoid fat women. Weak men are to women what fat women are to men: the ultimate turn off. Except, there are some guys who really dig fat chicks... but there are NO women who really dig weak guys. They may end up tossing these guys in the friend zone, where they can still help the woman out by providing her resources and upping her survival odds without her having to actually risk mating with them, but even then they usually don't want to spend too much time with them.

#2: He's Not Secure

Totally unrelated from weak, and sometimes in contrast to it, is insecurity. No, not that you feel insecure (as in: unconfident), but rather that you make her feel insecure (as in: you might leave at any moment, aren't dependable or reliable).

Insecurity's a fine line to walk. If you make a girl feel too secure in a relationship, she'll start to get bored, and she'll come to resent you. But if you make her feel too insecure, she'll become neurotic, cause increasingly more drama, and eventually start tossing ultimatums at you.

Most guys aren't perfect here, so here're the brief descriptions of where you fall on the chart:

Too Secure

  • She tells you you're a nice guy and takes care of your emotions
  • She seems entirely unthreatened at the prospect of other women around you
  • She acts bored or tells you other people have more exciting lives

Too Insecure

  • She's constantly monitoring you - "Who called? What does she want?"
  • She's perpetually suspicious of you - "Are you seeing anyone else?"
  • She makes ultimatums - "You need to do this or I'm leaving!"

How to be more of a challenge (if you're too secure) is beyond the scope of this post. If there's demand for one on this topic, comment here or drop me a line to let me know and I'll see if I can get one up on this. But, basically, being too secure ties in with #1 up above - a man who's too secure will come to be seen as weak. So don't be too secure!

How about making women feel insecure though?

What happens when a woman feels insecure is that you drive up uncertainty, and thus inspire erratic behavior. She's in conflict with herself. One minute she's thinking about how much she loves you, you're such a strong man. The next minute she's thinking about how you can't give her the certainty she needs, you're no good for her, and she should find someone safer.

The result of all this? She starts making rash, emotional decisions, impulsivity goes up... and fidelity goes down.

And when you're not willing to give in to her ultimatums, made as an effort to gain greater security, #3 often ends up as the result.

#3: She Wants to Force Change

Most people - men and women - become so invested in their relationships that they're hard to leave. If you're like most people, you don't just pick up and go from a relationship you've invested in for 6 months, a year, or more - there's too much seemingly at stake.

  • What if you can't find someone else as good as this person?
  • What if this was The One for you?
  • What if you're alone forever after you break up?
  • What if what you thought was a problem actually wasn't and you made a huge mistake?

Questions like these plague people facing a potential break up and make it difficult or impossible for many of them to make a decision and carry it through. So, they waffle, unhappily, one moment thinking they'll break up, the next that they'll stay together, and on and on, like a spinning top about to fall over but not sure which way, until something comes along to tip the balance one way or another.

I call infidelity in this case women's attempt to "force change," but it's not actually a conscious choice. Rather, a woman in this position is stuck in such a terrible position - where she's unhappy with her current relationship, unable to get what she wants, but afraid to leave behind the investment she's already made - that she stays in a relationship she probably shouldn't until an outside factor inevitably comes in to introduce a little more chaos into the equation.

Then, she strays.

how to prevent cheating

What happens? At this moment, the relationship reaches a crossroads: either her man is going to break up with her for her infidelity, reasoning that she's no longer what he wants in a partner, OR he's going to break emotionally, get upset, and give in to her ultimatum, giving her whatever she wants, so long as she doesn't stray from their relationship again.

And before you say you'd NEVER be like that second guy... I've heard that before from plenty of men, who later went on to do exactly that. It's a lot easier to say you wouldn't than to walk away from a relationship you're highly emotionally invested in in a situation like that.

I've spent some time dissecting it, and I've come to the conclusion that women engaging in cheating like this that forces change with their partners is actually a smart adaptation.

Think about this: a woman's primary biological imperative is reproduction. But she's trapped in a relationship where she's highly invested in a man who now won't move things forward with her, toward fulfilling that objective. Should she:

  • Just tough it out and stuff her wants and needs down deep inside?
  • Or should she break up with him and walk away?

Ideally, she doesn't want to do either. She's reached breaking point - she can't tough it out any longer (see: "The 2 Year Drop"), but at the same time, this is a guy she liked a lot and invested in heavily and thought could give her what she wanted, and it'll be tough to find a replacement who meets the qualifications he seemingly does.

So, rather than having to make a decision she can't possibly make, she forces him to make the decision... by straying.

Now it's on him to decide if he's going to step it up and give her what she wants, or step out and let her go. Either way, she's free of the burden of making such a difficult decision on her own, and can always say to herself, "Well, I had no choice. He decided."

How to Prevent Cheating

Right now, you're probably starting to feel like learning how to prevent cheating is an impossible battle.

"Okay, so all I've got to be is NOT weak, NOT insecure, and NOT let her reach the place where she feels like she has no choice but to rebel... how am I supposed to do all that?"

Relax. It isn't as hard as it seems.

Your girlfriend isn't looking for the PERFECT man. Trust me, she isn't. Somewhere out there on Planet Earth, there's a man better than you in every single way:

  • He's smarter than you
  • He's better looking than you
  • He's more charming than you
  • He's better with women than you
  • He has a better career than you
  • He's wealthier than you
  • He's cooler than you

... and all the rest. But this guy's virtually no threat to you if you run your relationship right.

Why? Because of the level of effort involved in constantly changing partners.

We've looked at the effort on here as it applies to attraction in The Law of Least Effort. But effort isn't only an important component of attraction - it's important in all things in the universe.

Air molecules head toward lower pressure zones where they can move about with the least amount of effort (causing wind).

Continents slide in the direction they encounter the least amount of resistance (causing continental drift).

And human beings select the best quality mate they can reliably get with the least amount of additional expended effort.

Sure, you could spend a lifetime looking to constantly find that person who's 1% or 2% better than the mate you've got right now. But that'd be terribly inefficient from a mate selection standpoint - and people would rarely if ever reproduce.

A branch of humans that favored mate quality over effort expended to get quality mates by too great a factor would soon die out, overrun by that branch of humans that selected its mates more efficiently.

What all this means for you is that you don't have to be perfect - you just have to be good enough.

  • You have to be a dominant man just enough that your woman remains attracted to you.

  • You have to stay out of auto-rejection and promote self-expansion in your relationships just enough that your woman feels secure with you.

  • And you have to keep forward momentum toward reproduction moving steadily enough that your woman never feels like things have stalled out, starts feeling trapped or desperate, and begins acting out to force you to make the decision for her.

For each guy reading this article, one of those is going to be more difficult than the rest.

Maybe it's hard for you to learn how to be a strong guy and inspire women's attraction and respect.

Maybe it's hard for you to learn how to be a secure guy and inspire women's trust and confidence.

Maybe it's hard for you to learn how to move things forward toward children, or it isn't something you want to do right now.

No matter which of those you find hard right now - or even if you find all of them difficult - you can change that... if you want to.

If maintaining relationships is truly important to you.

If you really care about how to prevent cheating, and don't just want an easy fix.

Because easy fixes aren't easy - and they don't exist, either.

It's impractical to move your girlfriend to a desert where the two of you are the only human beings and she doesn't have any other options for cheating if she gets fed up with you, after all. You've got to make her want to be with you.

Never Be Cheated on Again

To prevent cheating in your girlfriend, the first thing you need to change in your mindset: it isn't "Must stop cheating!" Rather it must become "Must inspire love, satisfaction, and a desire to remain faithful."

You can't stop a man from committing a crime if he feels he must. But you can help him have such a good life that he doesn't need to, and doesn't have any desire to at all.

Let's examine some common thoughts you might have and what they mean (and what you can train yourself to think instead).

Thought 1: Fear of Cheating

"Oh no! What if my girlfriend cheats on me?"

Means: either you don't know what she wants or needs, or you do and you know you aren't giving it to her.

New thought: "What I'm actually afraid of is that I might not be giving my girlfriend what she needs to stay faithful. I need to sit down and examine my strength - does she see me as a strong, powerful man or is she starting to be dismissive and disrespectful toward me? And I need to examine my security - does she feel secure in this relationship with me, or is she starting to act erratic? Finally, I need to examine whether she's giving me ultimatums: has she started feeling like the relationship has stalled out and is becoming an obstacle to reproduction?"

Thought 2: Desire to Control

"I've got to keep other men away from my girlfriend / I've got to keep an eye on my girlfriend."

Means: you don't trust your girlfriend. You know she's unsatisfied with you and may be running around - OR, you're phobic of cheating (same as people can be phobic of spiders or public places).

New thought: "If I'm really this concerned that my girlfriend is cheating, there's a good chance I'm with a woman who isn't a good match for me. For instance, if I stay home all the time and she's always out partying, I need to realize she's probably meeting guys at these parties and I'm not providing the kind of lively relationship she likely most enjoys. I probably ought to be dating a girl who's more of a 'homebody' like me."

Thought 3: Fatalism / Victimhood

"Oh, why is the world so cruel as to contain something so terrible as cheating?"

Means: you're trapped in a victimhood mentality that prefers complaining about problems to fixing them or getting out of problem situations.

New thought: "This is stupid. Why am I sitting here complaining to the walls of my bedroom? It's time for me to figure out why women cheat, build myself into a man that most women won't cheat on, and look for women least likely to stray to have in relationships."

how to prevent cheating

Those are the thoughts you should fight with all of your might. If you catch yourself with any of these thoughts running through your head, don't automatically accept them as an objective assessment of the world.

They aren't. They're your own subjective emotional responses that are in need of some readjustment if you want to actually have what you want and not WISH you could have what you want.

There're two more things we need to look at now, before we wrap this article up:

  1. Becoming what women want in a relationship, and

  2. Selecting women most likely to remain faithful

(#2's going to catch me a lot of heat from a certain subset of women - and the guys who are dating them right now - but we'll get to that in a minute! What fun would a site like this be if there wasn't any controversy on it?)

Becoming What Women Want

You should be your major project that you are constantly working on. If you're not, there's really nothing I can say that's going to keep you safe in a relationship. If you aren't upgrading yourself, you'll lose a girl sooner or later to a guy who is. That's simply the reality of the world.

There are exceptions to this, of course - if you live in a small rural town in the middle of nowhere where no one's really into self-improvement and everything always stays the same, you may well be able to remain unimproved yourself and your woman will still stick with you. But for most people, in most parts of the world, investing in yourself and continually improving and upgrading yourself is one of the strongest signs to women that you're a winner and a good pick for the long term.

That doesn't have to mean you're making $40,000 a year this year and $400,000 a year next year. It could mean that you're reading a lot of new books and learning a lot about topics that are interesting to you. It could mean you're taking some fascinating new classes on languages or technical skills. It could mean you're starting your own website or writing your own book. It could mean you're learning a new sport, art, or hobby.

Point is, you need to be focused on YOU first and foremost.

If you aren't interested in yourself, it's going to be pretty tough to find a girl who's interested in you.

Aside from that, always be working on being an attractive, powerful, respectable man. Be fair, but strong. Be just. Be kind. Don't supplicate. Be sexy. Let other women want you - don't be afraid to flirt.

Meanwhile, stay secure. Don't lie to women - women can smell a liar a mile away, and nothing makes a woman more insecure than a man who's scared to tell her the truth. At the same time, do let her know what you really want with her - don't hurt a girl by concealing your real motivations. Give her the right expectations about you, then MEET those expectations. The number one complaint I hear from women is that men promised them one thing, then failed to deliver. Don't be that guy - be who you tell women you are. Don't be a lapdog, but DO be reliable. Don't kiss up - women know that men who are kiss ups are there one day and gone the next. It's better to be the man who's a little reluctant to help, who then dives in and gives it his all, than the man who's eager to help, but doesn't actually provide that much when he does.

Finally, watch out for ultimatums and get to the bottom of them when you find them. Resolve fighting in a relationship whenever it surfaces, then and there. Don't let questions and doubts linger and fester - force resolution when problems occur, rather than pushing them off to get worse and force your girlfriend to try and solve them on her own - say, by taking a lover. And be ready if you can't meet her needs to let her go - time is a lot more important to women than it is to men. As a man, your value only increases as you age - hers drops. If you can't give her what she wants - children, ultimately - put aside the selfish desire to keep her for companionship and intimacy, and release her to go find a man who can.

Let the Right One In

Imagine you started a business with a couple of business partners that you picked because they both seemed very capable in business, both were very intelligent, and you were certain both would help you build a great business.

Then, a few months in, one of them stopped contributing to the business entirely, and the other one ran off with the money that you'd given to the business to make it work.

I had exactly this happen to me in a business I started. It sucked. But I didn't say, "Oh, why is the world so cruel?" Nor did I say, "I will NEVER have a business partner again! I swear off partnerships!"

Instead, I looked at the situation, and I said, "Okay, I selected my business partners poorly. I didn't realize what qualities to look for, and I missed some of the most important ones - namely, people who were going to be as focused on making the business work as I was, and who weren't going to run off with my money or disappear."

Everyone I work with in projects now is fantastic - they're reliable, dependable, and they care as much about our businesses as I do. I'm better at picking the right people to have business partnerships with now.

Also, if I choose to do any kind of business deal with people like those people I originally worked with, I know what the risks are and I properly account for them. For instance, I wouldn't put someone with qualities like that partner who ran off with company money in charge of finance. And I wouldn't do a deal with someone with qualities like the partner who disappeared without strict requirements on what needs to be delivered, by when, and what the metrics used to assess delivery will be and what the penalties are for nonperformance.

In much the same way, you must run your relationships this way.

I dated a dynamic girl once with a very high sex drive. She was beautiful, charismatic, and more fun than almost anyone else I've ever known. She also eventually caused a lot of headache for me, and the relationship virtually exploded in chaos.

I didn't get mad at her. I learned.

I'll still date dynamic women with high sex drives, but I know what I'm getting into. They aren't the kinds of girls you can safely depend on to never break your heart. If you need your heart not broken... don't date dynamic women. You date dynamic women for the fun and energy and excitement and stimulation they bring... not for faithful life partnerships.

Let's break this down. When you're looking for fidelity, here are the red flags that should set off your alarms:

  • She has a high sex drive
  • She's had many partners
  • She's a party girl / she goes to parties & nightclubs often
  • She has tons of male friends and few female ones
  • She travels a lot solo or with girlfriends
  • She's an adventurer
  • She has sex recreationally (for fun) rather than for love
  • She's ever been in a friends-with-benefits relationship
  • She's ever had an open relationship / is comfortable with the idea

Now, I'm not saying don't date girls like this. I date girls who fall into these categories all the time... they're tons of fun! I love high energy, high sex drive women myself, and I tend to have the best conversations and the most enjoyable relationships with them.

What I am saying though is don't be fooled into thinking you can "control" a woman like this. These are women who are free spirits... they're going to do what they want. And they view sex as fun and not a big deal. They're a lot more likely to think, "It won't hurt him if he never finds out," than more conservative women are. So if you're afraid of being cheated on, don't get into a relationship with women with one or more of these traits.

To save me from answering the comments that will pop up below:

  1. Yes, I'm sure you have most of these traits and you've never cheated on a partner before. But, look, you're 23 years old - stop back here when you're 46 and tell me if that's still the case. And get all the other women you know who fit these criteria to do so too - I bet you'll find that more often than not, I'm right. Don't take this personal - we're talking about what's usually the case, not always for every single woman is the case.

  2. Yes, I'm sure your girlfriend has most of these traits and she has never cheated on you and never will. However, most of the men I've known who've dated women like this and assured me their girlfriends would NEVER cheat on them later came back to me to tell me they were shocked and never saw it coming when their girlfriends strayed, and asked me if there's any way they ever could've known after I'd previously already warned them of the likely consequences of dating the kind of girls they were dating. Perhaps you and your girlfriend are different though. Everyone tells me they are, so I'd be surprised, but you never know, right? ;)

All right, comment away anyway because I know your sensibilities have been offended and you need to let the world know how this article is totally wrong. As always, please keep it clean and make a good argument - rude / offensive / nonsensical arguments don't make it onto the site.

Now, red flags out of the way, what should you screen for when you're trying to figure out how to prevent cheating by a potential girlfriend? Here's what you should be looking for:

  • She has a low to moderate sex drive
  • She's had a few partners, but not more than 4 or 5 maximum
  • She rarely or never parties or goes clubbing
  • She has a good balance of male and female friends
  • She rarely or never travels, except with a boyfriend
  • She isn't an adventurer
  • She has sex only with men she loves
  • She's never been in a friends-with-benefits relationship
  • She's never been in an open relationship and doesn't like the idea

Here's the thing with finding these things out though - you can't be judgmental or she'll never tell you. Most people lie and conceal when they can feel they're being judged. So if you don't like girls who like open relationships, don't let that on or you'll never know. You need to come from the angle of being totally open and accepting if you want to find out what really makes her tick.

Wrapping Up

So, the past two days I've dabbled in two topics I've formerly skipped over because they attract a specific subset of hateful virulence:

  • How to get girls with boyfriends (weak men insecure in their relationships bristle at posts like this, fearing an army of men being equipped to come and steal their women away), and

  • How to prevent cheating, give women what they want, and screen out women most likely to stray (women likely to stray bristle at posts like this, fearing a movement among men to stop dating women they can't be assured won't stray, and the men dating them bristle too, when the post hits all too close to home and makes them need to defend their choice to date a woman who may end up doing to them something they don't want her to)

But, that's kind of how it goes in the sex and sexual selection marketplace. You might think of this as a Cosmopolitan for men - and indeed, the comparison's been made on here before - and just like that magazine attracted a lot of bitter comments from both men (wanting women to be more conservative) and women (feeling like the magazine relegated women to men-chasers), it carved out its place in the market because it didn't hold back.

Guess what? I ain't holding any punches either.

You've got to crack a few eggs to make an omelet - so if the posts these past few days have rankled a few people who don't want to become what the opposite sex wants and would rather people simply didn't know these sorts of things so that they could be safe in their ignorance, but simultaneously help the improvement-focused people unafraid to take a bite from the Tree of Knowledge to have better and more rewarding relationships and help save women from bad ones, I'm happy with that.

Ultimately, my philosophy is this: give women what they need to be happy in relationships, or accept that they'll leave... as painfully as possible.

After all, how many painless break ups have you been through?

Exactly. The only break ups that don't hurt are the ones that don't happen. And for that to happen, you need to know what you're doing in your relationships - and you need to give your women what they want.

(By the way, the other side holds true too: you should ABSOLUTELY expect to date women who will give you what you want in relationships, too - and the better you are at giving women incredible relationships, the more you should demand that they give you incredible relationships back. As you improve, your ability to demand similar treatment improves too. I don't focus on that here because that will be self-evident as you improve - you'll naturally become more selective as your abilities increase)

Anyway, if you take anything away from this post take these things away:

  • Trying to stop cheating will fail. Look to inspire love and fidelity instead.

  • Women cheat on men who are: 1) weak, 2) not confidence inspiring, and/or 3) failing to move things toward reproduction fast enough.

  • You can always become a stronger, more attractive, more respectable man, should always be focused on improving yourself, can always do better at inspiring confidence without lying, and can always seek to resolve problems the moment they surface.

  • Screening women for likelihood to remain faithful is every bit as important as improving yourself as a man women will remain faithful to.

  • And lastly... complaining won't change the world. Fix your problems by fixing yourself, don't complain about problems or try to prevent other people from taking action, because there are 7 billion people on Earth - trust me, you will LOSE that battle. The battle for change and a better life is won from within, not from without.

And that's that.

I realize I don't think about relationships quite the same as most other people out there. I'd like to think I think about them a bit more honestly and a bit less Disney-ish, though - and I'd also like to think I think about them in a far more empowering way than the masses of people trapped in hoping and victimhood, unable to effect change and fearful of uncertainty.

Because guess what? Getting good at relationships is every bit as important, every bit as challenging, and every bit as rewarding as getting good at picking up girls is.

And just because you're good at one doesn't mean you're good at the other ;) Chances are, you've got some work to do.

Don't be upset about it. Just do it. And be glad you know how - most folks don't!

See you again soon.

Chase Amante

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.


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Essem's picture

Simply Eloquent. The truth of it, bolts and screws and all.

Though out of subject, I wonder if you have ever thought of posting an article about James Bond movies/novelties and the qualities he exudes in relation to seduction, confidence, and attainability? I believe you have posted something of similarity, nothing in depth however.

Skye's picture

Hey Chase! Love the blog, been a reader for a while now but I haven't seen anything here about getting a girl that's at work. Waitresses tend to be very attractive but not really receptive due to most likely gettung hit on all day, and just being overall busy, tired etc. Some inight from yourself and Ricardus on this would be really fun to see! Sounds like a good topic for a long awaited newsletter yes?


Eric's picture

I don't seem to have this problem.. I find it easier than any other place to get dates, and personally I find it better if you do it earlier in the day. It's hilarious when they make comments about how you are drunk but then realize you've been drinking water when you order another one. For the one's that are on autopilot, just call them over and ask if they are single.. They usually know which of their coworkers are single or not, so you can actually ask around if you do it without looking sleazy.. "Damn.. well you're all so cute which one of you isn't single?" (I don't use this, it's conjecture..).

I've also started a game once by asking if they are required to say they have a boyfriend, and then if they say no (or maybe yes..) you can tell them to bring others over to test this "theory" you have. It also makes you feel like a pimp having hot women brought over to you while you relax.

Other things that my friends have done to lighten the mood and keep them on their guards is to ask them what everyone's name is, or if they remember. You can introduce themselves after they introduce themselves as their waiter, and then quiz them every so often. Mix around the names just to keep them on their toes and to tease them. I also like to pause and make the waitress nervous a little bit when speaking.

sd's picture

Chase states the realities of how things work he is no more than a messenger, dont shoot the messenger. He is right, and we as males are lucky women will generally be faithful to a strong faithful man.

Great follow up post, and if you read "girl has a boyfriend" inbetween the lines you would not need to read this post for it shows the angles other men will take to get your woman.

By the way you helped me win my woman and create a pleasent home enviroment.

Just Dave's picture

I've read just about every blog on this site and even read Chase's book. I put into action what I learned from the blog as well as my own personal style. And guess what I was able to get girls , I wasn't relying on luck or hope. I relied on skill and my own drive. The truth is I've seen all this (cheating) on both sides of the field. "If" your girlfriend cheats on you, learn. And realize that maybe "I" wasn't a great boyfriend. Maybe "I" was being too selfish or elusive to keep the relationship going. Then better yourself. You know what though I changed to be able to be a romantic man, that my current girlfriend loves and appreciates. I don't supplicate or even spends loads of cash on her because simply I don't have that. I have the ability though to give her a great experience.

When someone cheats on you its not the end of the world, rather its the opportunity to take on the world. You can find someone better and be someone way cooler. Get your new girlfriend involve and work together like Ricardus said improve together. Do new things and most importantly love yourself before you can love others. Let the past go and simple live and enjoy your life. More importantly don't try to force a fit into a relationship. In your heart you always know that maybe this may or may not have been a good idea. But, hey I wouldn't like yoga or skateboarding if I never tried them. ;)

Take care,

Just Dave

annus horribilis's picture

really good article, keep em' coming

Franco's picture

I absolutely have to applaud you on your last two posts, Chase. Not only because of how accurate they are, but also because they do not hold back in representing the truth.

I used to be an idealist myself (or as you stated, a "Disney-ish" believer) who believed that women just wanted what was romantic and displayed in romantic movies. What was ironic is that I was actually so confidently idealistic, I would attract tons of beautiful women because they could sense the confidence and security in my own beliefs. However, I started to notice a trend that I would often "befriend" these beautiful women (even after taking them on lavish, "dreamy" dates) instead of becoming lovers and entering relationships with them. One girl eventually changed all of that for me and was even the primary cause of me finding this website... but that's a story of its own.

Anyway, bottom line is, anyone reading this material who DOES NOT YET BELIEVE IT or finds it somehow "offensive" should actually be worshipping the ground you walk on. If there is anything I have learned in the last year (and especially the last 6 months), it is that the ability to truly understand social dynamics, dating, relationships, and women is an absolute blessing. It absolutely destroys fear, and it utterly reinforces your level of confidence. And confidence, with the ability to be unfazed in the most desperate of situations, is one of the most attractive qualities a man can have around women.

Please continue to "not hold back your punches." The only flak you will continue to receive are from those who have not overcome their own fears and past experiences. Maybe someday these blog posts will begin to resonate with them.

I am absolutely looking forward to your book on relationships!


Adam M's picture

you brilliant, :) you give humanity another chance to make things right again. thank you

Anonymous's picture

Could you write about what you mentioned, the whole making a girl feel TOO secure ? A I also agree with the top commenter you should elaborate on the "James Bond qualities" that you have mentioned before ;)

Chase Amante's picture

Hey Anon,

James Bond is still in the works, but a post on making a girl feel too secure is live now here:

If Your Girls is Bored, Change These 6 Things

Hope that does the trick.


Chase Amante's picture

Hey fellas, glad to hear this one resonated.

On the requests:

  1. James Bond
  2. Hired guns
  3. Over security in relationships

... let me see what I can do.

On the newsletter: I haven't forgotten, I've actually got a really cool, highly polished free ebook finished and ready to go to relaunch the newsletter going out regularly again, but I need to get a few things retooled on the backend before I can get the newsletter set to go out. Right now I'm over my quota sending newsletters just to the people on the autoresponder, so need to upgrade or switch delivery services to before I can start sending out new newsletters again. Stay tuned on that one.

On the praise - thanks, gents. And on the guys attesting I helped out a bit with love lives - very cool of you to let me know that, I appreciate it. Good to know this stuff is helping to make a few waves and helping guys do better with things.

We've still got a bunch of great articles coming up from Ricardus on relationships, and I'll be on travel but I'll see if I can cook up one or two over the next few weeks on something interesting (maybe one of these topics).

Cheers, all-

Derrick's picture

I think far too many guys in relationships get far too complacent, and think that because they are in a relationship that their girl is obligated to stay faithful.

I wouldn't go as far as to say these guys think their girl is their property, even if many people say "he/she is mine"

Rick C's picture

Chase, Excellent article. I wish somebody would have woken me up to your site a couple of years ago and educated me on this topic. Right now, my wife of 13 years that I have 2 beautiful young kids with is in the process of divorcing me. She had an emotional affair with a co-worker last year after I largely checked out of our relationship due to work demands, trying to manage the household, dealing with managing our daughter's ADHD and wrongfully thinking that her and my relationship would just maintain itself and that the other things were most important Being what a woman wants and being attentive to their needs is the way to keep them. I evidently hurt her somewhere in there and I can't get her back. Been desperately trying all year round and I can't get her to go to couples therapy. I think that the emotional affair with her co-worker is over, however, the effect of that affair was a catalyst for her to seek a divorce. I've been trying to improve myself, be a stand up guy to her and our kids and turn this thing around. She notices the positive changes, but says she doesn't love me's too little too late she says. I haven't given up hope and I'm going to keep on trying even after the divorce because I love her and I love our kids.

You have good advice here. I think it might be beneficial to have a post on the unique factors of an emotional affair versus the typically thought of physical affair.

Sydney Girl's picture

My bet is she returned to you.

Yoshi 's picture

So my situation is as follows. I know this girl who has a boyfriend and he's definitely a beta and is constantly nagging her and is insecure. However shes very socially savvy and does A LOT of talking with her eyes. She's one of those girls that can get men to do whatever she wants. Me, I'm very attractive, heavy into fashion, pretty boy, muscular, and I have a great presence and I would consider myself to be able to hold my own socially with almost any girl now, most times I bed girls in the first or very soon after we've met. Back to my story, I get the feeling that she has tried to hint to me that she's wanted me for a while just purely based off of her eye contact and statements that I swear carrysubliminal sexual messages. Fast forward to today, we randomly ran into eachother at a train station by a shopping center and she offered to buy me some clothes, I accepted and she got me some jeans and a few shirts. Before I knew it, I led her to my place after it seemed as if she purposely asked to have her phone charge in my place so that we could later come back inside. We got to my room and flirted around a little and she kept insisting that she wanted to leave, while her actions and eye contact were saying the complete opposite. I kind of lost control of the situation and long story short we didn't end up having sex because she said she didn't want to cheat--cool. How would you have dealt with this situation. I waited a while after we got into my room to initiate any sort of flirting because I hesitated and don't quite know how to always close the show when it comes to "highly socially aware" women. It's like they play the eye contact and body language better than me, so I don't know how to react. Usually with these girls I always get the feeling that they're hinting at metro sort of man up and take it, but I'm never sure because they communicate it so subtly so I end up waiting to long when we get to the room and I feel the sexual window close so fast! Should I have just moved in on her aggressively and just grabbed her face, or do I play the game and wait for her to want me. How exactly do you deal with these types of sharp women, how do I pick up on cues, and is it safer to just go in aggressively? Lol, I know I'm ranting but thanks.


Bob's picture

Very interesting read and once one does not experiences this oneself it does not make sense. If I knew what I knew now and read this article I would have never bothered getting in a commited relationship. The amount of effort, trial and error and basically minimal return is just not worth it. Seems relatipnships are now build on games and impulses. There is no such thing as mutual respect and support. This article just highlights that being a sensible macho wins hands down. How about writing some pieces when children are involved? Seems there is a lot a real man has to do but women on the other hand can pick and choose? Funny thing is I can relate with a lot of the things here but overall am left wondering why bother with a relationship of this type? Try to play the little Spiel as mentioned in this article will leave you emotionally tired, drained and time better spend.

Anonymous's picture

I can relate to the third reason women cheat. I was "dating" a girl exclusively and she was totally wrapped around my finger. However, I refused to call her my girlfriend or publicly display our relationship. Long story short she cheated and made it obvious so she could get caught. She begged me to stay in the relationship with her and has apologized/ done anything to make me want to come back. So my question to everyone here if i do really like this girl do I take her back and how do I remain the dominant assertive alpha male that she was attracted too?

sumit's picture

Sir i have read ur article thoroughly.... u are like God to me . I love u r thoughts and equally agree. Just have no words to thnk u ... u are great and seems mastered the relationship thesis...its quite helpful to me to get out of the pain i am feeling due to infidelity , now i will improve myself and eradicate my mistakes ... u r absolutely right by saying girls need guy who secure her offsprings future... hats off to you ... will love to have ur email id .

R3@L's picture

I did the first part of the assignment about preventing the guy from committing crimes. if i take the guy out of the bad city and into a good one and give him a job then i solved it its not difficult. u right about some key points. but studies show women cheat more then men do. it could be for any reason or no reason at all. but it doesn't get reported because women are good liars. she may love u but feels the need to sleep with other men due to temptation (which u are trying to sell) and then comes home with a smile on her face like nothing happened. men do this but they get caught more then women do.(do some research on that and get back to me). the way you talk sometimes it would seem you are posing your self as the snake from the garden of Eden. anyone could cheat if you apply enough force and pressure on a relationship no matter how good it is and this goes for women especially. but you sound hypocritical in some ways about your previous article and in some in this article. i can see your biased statements. which makes you seem like a some kind of feminist. "you say if you try to PREVENT cheating, you will FAIL, 9 times out of 10" but later on the article you give ways to prevent it which is 1 of the hypocritical statements. when you say "don't try and stop her" basically means don't do anything to save your relationship basically just let it happen. WTF!! and you cant win by trying to stop people duh that's how you win. and remember some people don't know what they have until its gone and they are left with regret. which is why they might cheat on you with an ex.

wrote this in a hurry btw so i might be a bit vague here in there.

Anonymous's picture

I originally came here looking on ways on how to become more secure in my relationship (I am female) and I ran across this article. It is amazing. Even though I was looking for advice on the opposite sex, this gave me a new standpoint on my own relationship of 8 years. I have never been insecure in my relationship, but my bf cheated on me last year and I can't seem to stop worrying if it will happen again. This article made me c that I can't keep living in fear , as long as I provide love and satisfaction, I can't stop cheating but I can stop being so negative and change within myself. I try to control his actions, but I'm really gona take some of this advice. Thank u for the great post !

jbone's picture

i dont know what people think when they get angry at this... if they look at this article it obviously means they are searching for some help in their security and in their relationship. i gotta say this hit at home with me. ill be a man about it. i haven't been the most secure man and i have let insecurities get the best of me and ive been searching for ways to resolve my issue. this article was inspiring and its going to do me a lot of good. im going through this situation as we speak. i have had thoughts of my girlfriend cheating but in reality its not the issue. my problem is everything thats mentioned here about why the girl isnt in the relationship as much as i am and looks at me as weak. reason... is my trust issue and my being too controlling. were currently not together but we still live together. she tells me she needs her space meaning not be on top of her all the time, and that she wants me to prove that we can make our friendship just as important as everything else (which hasnt been the case at all) she wants me to be friendly with her and in time if we want more we'll try again. i let her down day in and day out. its been this way for about a month now. im always trying to make it more and i havent really respected her wants and needs. ive been selfish with mine. and thats having all of her. i really am pushing her away. shes 23 and ill be 24 next week... she's the second type you mentioned in the article about being the type that has been with very few men...3 to be exact. shes a christian who reads her bible everyday. she does likes to have fun and go to a party occasionally but shes not the partier. you know the type. shes a great girl who deserves and wants to be respected and have a leader and a go getter as her man. i can be that guy. i just dont know if its too late for me to be that for her. we've been together over a year 1/2. i want it to work and im willing to do what it takes. cause its only gonna make me happier and succeed in the long run. great article. needed this. your a smart man! thanks

Lost my best's picture

This whole article described my whole last relationship to a T. She was a dynamic woman but a very loyal one till....the relationship stalled, I made her insecure, and I was not ready for marriage and a baby and she was...short order it ended in disaster with her running straight out the door to another guy....She came back and we tried again and well guess are doomed to repeat if you don't realize how this all works. Do not expect anything but a tragic ending if your woman is dynamic AND she does not get what she needs (not want...needs). Good luck guys and as hard as this is all to read it is the truth. I turned a blind eye to it all and have 7 years of what- ifs and regrets. You can only move forward from there but if you LISTEN to someone that has already been through the fire you will listen to this man in this article. Fucking Gospel truth he wrote!

Matt's picture

One of the best written posts ive read. You break it down to a tee and I can agree with everything you say. Great job!

Musa's picture

Chase, I've always believed that when it comes to matters of the heart there are no standard formulars or solutions hence I've always ignored following advise from magazines and internet.....

But Damn this is good, and it sure sounds like it comes from someone who has been around,lol

Because no matter how much we would like to think we all unique induvidual's and should be excluded from these stats, one can't help but notice the common outcomes/trends derived from a particular group of people's actions (the different characters)

May I perhaps request that you give us advise or insight as to why as a man you still feel bad/hurt when a woman cheats on you even though you know very well you did not make her happy...(sometimes on purpose.)

I find myself in a situation where a woman whom I constantly criticised for not being good enuf for me eventually cheated,I had plans to leave her anyway, but when she cheated first I felt crushed, WHY????

I learned a lot from this post, especially with reference to my case, the qoute below stood out :

"And be ready if you can't meet her needs to let her go - time is a lot more important to women than it is to men. As a man, your value only increases as you age - hers drops. If you can't give her what she wants - children, ultimately - put aside the selfish desire to keep her for companionship and intimacy, and release her to go find a man who can"

Besski Livius - The Long Distance Lover's picture

This is one of the most comprehensible articles I've ever seen anywhere on web about cheating, being a man and relationships in general, and believe me I've been reading a few lately.

I love the subject of relationships, and this particular issue is one of the most frustrating ones for both men and women. And here you give an great amount of great insights about how to prevent infidelity.

One thing that I loved most was the idea of giving her the freedom to do what she wants. I call this the Freedom of Choice technique, and what it does is puts the power in her hands, so that she chooses to stay with you, and it's not you controlling her. For me it's as simple as telling her "Baby, if you like a guy, and you want to sleep with him, NO Problem go for it, but keep in mind that the relationship is gonna be over.

But of course, you need to be a GOOD boyfriend for her, so that she chooses you over other guys.

So, amazing article. Glad to have found it and spent 20 minutes reading it. :) Cheers!

LR's picture

Well, my fiance is very controlling and he's isolated me after cheating on him a lot because other guys have tempted me and I did the deed. We live in Atlanta, GA and it's a very conservative environment. Guys are very possessive over their wives and girlfriends and they would never let them work out of the house, socialize with other people, especially other guys, go out alone, etc. They will always point out that they are the perfect partner than these other guys so that way you don't end up with the imperfect guy.

Romantic Cynist JA's picture

Okay, so for the past two week I have been talking with this girl. Got her into bed on the first date, nailed it, gave her a time of her life. However, she left he e-mail logged in on my computer (saw some sent pics that would make anyman jealous), she has really sexual texts in her phone (she allowed me into her phone btw) but deleted them afterward. She even gave me her fb password and the messages she sent and are having are highly sexually in content( recent like a week), yet she wants a relationship, she seems all heads over heels for me. How should I go about screening her?

Nietzschian's picture

So she's a go gal, and now she goes for you. Chances are that she has been trying very hard to find a guy that fits what she's looking for and she got you. Those messages were most likely continuations from before you hooked up, and won't continue if she continues to devote herself to you. Just keep an eye on her habits towards you, if there's a significant change, things may not be working out.

LR's picture

Well, women love jealous men.

Tyler's picture

How about a nice medium...

A girl that is fun, but not monogamistically challenged?

You're either bored and in a relationship, or you're single and lonely.

There's rarely any electricity left in a relationship after a short period of time. Feels like you either have to accept the fact that you're going to be bored and in a relationship or you're going to be single and lonely.

Unless the two of you have EQUALLY busy schedules and see each other enough to stretch that "short period" of time into a period of time that may or may not be relatively longer than that "short period" in reference to Shakespeare's "conserve love."

Tommie's picture

Hi , I used to be a "PUA" until I really kinda found myself by talking a lot and meeting interesting people and other hobbies.
From time to time I read these kind of summaries to see how others see women, and I often find them too black or white.

But, I must say this one really got me. I have dated 3 girls over the last 3 years, and they all were the perfect examples of those dynamic women. I am a professional dancer, and these masterpieces of ladies do appear a lot in our scene.

But this time I thought it was different, until she called me from far away, telling me she might cheat, as sex isn't the only thing that defines a relationship. She's kinda right, but I'm too loyal, too conservative- too romanticus maybe....

So I guess the only thing I can do is break up, because she will do it. She says because she needs to 'feel' to feel wanted, to be treasured. I just sense that right now she's still holding on but not for long, she's taking distance.
But how do you move on from these girls? I 've had my heart literally smashed 3 times now (i'll count the current one as well cos the break up will be enormously painful- she ticks off ALL the qualities :/ ), and I keep meeting these kind of women because I'm very social myself...

And where do you find those non-dynamic women? :P

(no native english speaker - my apalogies)

Flirting's picture

Wow, this was very informative. I'm a girl peeking around at this awesome blog, and I'm embarrassed to say that I sort of cheated on my boyfriend of 1.5 years recently. He let me do it, because he knew I wanted some fun, but now he's pretty pissed, naturally.

Before this I never really wanted other guys. He was (and still is sort of) all that I ever wanted and needed. It took me 5 months to get to that point, but once I was there, I felt that way for exactly 1 year.

Now, I'm starting to feel restless. My boyfriend is shorter than me (I'm slender and 6'0 tall, he's even skinnier and 5'10), and that's always been something that's bothered me. I'm so sad to say that he recently lost his job and is looking for something new. We also grew up differently; therefore, he's a pretty frugal guy, while I prefer to spend money on comfort because it makes me feel good.

Nonetheless, I love him. He's a wonderful person. He's supportive, affectionate, gives me time and attention that I really need, and helped me through a lot.

Sadly, when some tall, good-looking, wealthy guy steps into my life, I could not help but follow him to boat on the beach while my boyfriend went off on a road trip with his bros for a week. I'm really sorry that I hurt him, and I'm wondering if it's time for me to step away so I don't hurt him again.

Judging from your post, I'll try to do things to make him more powerful to me. Introduce BDSM maybe?

On a side note, I am a dynamic high sex drive woman. I want it all the time, and I think he's not able to keep up quite so much anymore bc he says it makes him tired.

While I don't disagree with you about avoiding high sex drive women, you act as though we are unworthy of relationships and should be avoided at all costs. We just like sex, like men.

Jeffrey's picture

The first reason as to why women cheat is a bit tricky to me. I have no problem keeping a perfectly balanced security in my relationship but what exactly do you mean by weak? Would a man appear weak if he openly shows his weaknesses or sensitivity to his girl?

JZ's picture

My previous gf recently cheated on me. We were doing long distance and she admitted to cheating on me. People keep telling me to not take it personally and that it isn't my fault, but how can i not?

This article was an eye opener, I've learned a lot from it and I feel a bit more confident in a relationship where infidelity does not exist. You have restored my hope in love.

Sapiosexual's picture

Well here it is. When even the most Dynamic Woman finds true love, she will give her heart, throw herself into her relationship and steadfastly settle down.
A lot of men choose (sometimes mousey) 'Reliable Women', on the advice of their fathers, peers and old fashioned cliches, just like what this page propagates. Well, guess what, look around you, these often plain, plump, apparently low sex drive women OFTEN cheat on their partners and leave them. These women appear NOT to be Dynamic, it's just they ACT like butter wouldn't melt in their mouth. The reality, as many head scratching men are left to see, is very different. Do you really think all is fair in love and war? Do you really think that you guys are the only ones going in with game plans? Dynamic women are just honest and it all looks much more than it is, they don't cover up and pretend. Mousey women are usually just conniving witches. I know, I'm a woman and I can tell you guys, you'd need to be on your toes with them.

It is not really right to judge a woman who may be Dynamic and assume she will not give her heart to one man. Surely you can see that she will tire of the brittle life, of being UP all the time. Even dynamic women need stability, family life and security. She is not a worse bet than her (mousey) apparently less dynamic counterpart. In some ways because of her Gung Ho attitude, when she commits, she will make that relationship a huge focus. I had a boyfriend who would NOT believe I didn't go out clubbing, I never traveled with girls etc, I certainly didn't indulge in casual sex. I loved him with all my heart and now after a decade of not seeing him, I have not met another man, i.e. lived celibately. I see now, that because I had high energy, liked taking challenges, had a great job which I had to travel with (alone), worked out, kept my hair, makeup appearance really well that people - men judged I was Dynamic. Being blonde, 6ft with a 26 in waist complete what my brother called The Casino Chick look. Yet I have been with less than a handful of men, and had my heart broken twice.

In that same time I've seen heartless 'safe bet' women kick their husbands out ruthlessly, take what they had. Play around with everyone, never seem to have their hearts broken. And these women, whom I was astonished were able to attract ONE man, they are never, ever without a partner. I am asked out still, but I see all these male game plans and lines a mile off, and I just look at guys and think, this is all they want, sex. A conquest, yuk. They don't really want to know you, or commit, or really really love you. It makes celibacy a very attractive option. And guess what, I've even more energy to throw into projects, working out, a good life. Which makes me seem even more like the unreliable Dynamic Woman on the outside.

Don't be so quick to judge a book by its cover. There is no need for Dynamic women to miss out on the rare opportunity of a good man committing, just because of stereo types. I know for a fact I'd have made a better wife for my ex, who wouldn't commit to me, than the mousey safe bet he chose who was his cheating wife.

Yhaceed's picture

Here's the deal: you think you're better than the woman who's a safe bet and you may be right. But according to this article the reason these women cheated in the first place was due to insecurity or their husband was weak or they needed to force a change. So it would help if you explained what happened in the relationships you're speaking of because I'm not convinced. I'm not saying you don't deserve a relationship and that you wouldn't be faithful. I'm just saying you should clarify where the article is wrong. Again if I knew you I wouldn't automatically think that you wouldn't be faithful to me if we were in a relationship hypothetically speaking. As a matter Of fact I would treat you the same as someone who was the safe bet but here's the part you probably won't like. Just because I promise you fidelity doesn't mean it's automatically going to happen and vice versa. That's just human nature. So in a way of sorts that I won't explain I'd be working exactly what Chase mentioned to very high degree. In other words IF you really loved me you would think twice before cheating on me and if you didn't there would be no reason for me to commit. And of course if I really loved you I'd think twice before cheating on you. That's the basically the logic from this article. If you're not trying to refute that what's your concern?

Dominant, Yet Still Learning's picture

Hi, Let me start of by saying I absolutely hate weak females.
---- Females that are simple and feeble-minded and cant fend for their own.

Recently I found myself in a relationship where I noticed I have a strong-headed female. Shes beautiful, petite but does not take crap from anyone. She's my trophy, the reason I say this is because - EVERYBODY WANTS HER, AND HATE ON ME BECAUSE THEY CANT HAVE HER.

Why ? - Because I am that strong-minded male (I suppose), My girlfriend constantly reminds me that she likes a bigger man that she feels safe with. A man that can hold her tight and feel strong. She likes that - and I'm not saying you have to be big to fit this category, you just have to "sho' nuff" and prove it.

Let me admit, I am that guy that contains a little insecurity NOT IN ME, BUT IN A RELATIONSHIP because for the simple fact that I TRUST NO WOMEN, AND TRUST GETS YOU KILLED OR HURT IN THE END


After putting time and effort in to this girl, I learned the hard way she wasn't going to be easy. I took me some weeks after meeting her to even start dating her. I'm happy it took time and put forth the effort because it means shes more faithful. NEVER ACCEPT A WOMEN AS YOUR GIRL WHO YOU HAD SEX WITH FIRST TIME MEETING HER. NO NO - If it's that easy for her then it's easy for the next guy too.

This girl took me a couple weeks to even kiss her, and I'm no lame - I'm used to some females just givin it up - BUT THIS ONE WAS WORTH IT.

But let me get to the point, before I go into my lifestory.

Like Chase states - Don't give in to everything your girl demands at you, throws at you such as ultimatums - No sometimes, I believe it is only right to give in only if you feel the need and you feel that you can benefit from it - That's whats going to keep the relationship going - Afterall , if you demand something with your partner - Wouldn't you want it to happen too?

To be honest, and to my surprise - I've been with this girl faithfully for some months now, Haven't touched another girl
sexually at all. Yet, every once in a while she has great insecurities and wanted to go back to just friends because she didn't want to get her heart broken. And she's no basic female, everyday its females that wanna be just like her, do they hair just like hers etc. - When I say I have a queen, a diva - I really Do.

As far as being weak, Don't under estimate your relationship or over estimate it.

Don't be a sucker for love either, its OK to love but don't end up being the B**** Boy that does everything she tells you to do.

When in a argument, ARGUE BACK, ARGUE STRONG
(They like that shit, unless you have a weak female and she cries - get rid of her asap)

When you hug her, hold her - Do it manly, do it strong, do it tight.

Don't be dramatic

Don't be too feely and overwhelmed with emotion they hate that.

If she ever hangs up on you, be that guy to call her back make yo point and hang up on her and do not pick up. Believe me shes going to call you 10 times after that.

When they say they don't need you, they do . Its a fallacy.

But don't give in to be the sucker.


Anonymous's picture

UndHey, i got a serious problem. I've been with this girl for a yaer and a half. At the beginning of the relationship i learned that she cheated on her last two relationships. One of them was after 9 months and she said she was broken and depressed. The other was for a month and she did it because he was abusive . She said she did not regret the second time. But the first tore her apart and was shunned by her friends. Anyways our relationship i guess you can say i was cheating phobic. She never did cheat on me. But the guy she cheated the first time with was her friend who she claims she has no emotion for. so i let her hang out with this guy still i mean talks atleast during our entire relationship. Then we break up one night and words are said because she was paying more attention to him than me so i ended it before i was cheated on. I saw my actions as just a burst of jealousy and i.decided to apologize. Thing is on my way to her house ( we live on the same street) i found her with that guy (making out) in the same place me and her first got intimate (in her car, she preferred it) feeling disgusted and a little betrayed after she told me she would not do anything for a while like that because we wanted to make sure it was over i left. Later at home she tells me she has no feelings for him and tells me she needed it to get her mind off things. I ask her if she has been cheating on me this whole time she says no. (yes i cried a little bit thinking that she has). Im just wondering what should i do next trust her and be with her or forget her?

heleholo's picture

so i want to ask that if the girls who cheated because of commitment still goes through the phases like rebound cool off and longing ?. I lost my girlfriend because of commitment with the same way you wrote in here.3 year distant relationship with her first time sex with me. later summer I make her feel neglected and not beautiful and she find another man didn't cheat me as phsycaly but started dating directly and breakup with me for him but she tried to get my love until the last day . So is she just find a guy for her self esteem or will she could still go through the phases of cool off and longing .

Does girlfriend run to someone because of commitment still goes through the phases of break up ?

and maybe an idea about how can i act from distance without chasing her ?


Anonymous's picture

This is the best page I have ever read. Because guys are insecure in relationships or they cheat. This page has changed my life and for all of you that don't get this...nobody is judging are judging yourself. Confident but weak men cheat and are not good in relationships and unconfident but strong men are good in relationships but are usually cheated on cuz they are insecure. Be confident and strong just like CHASE the man said. DO WORK!

Thanks for this extremely helpful and eye opening article Chase!!!

someone's picture

Thanks T T

Anonymous's picture


This might be the best article I've ever read. You dissected this topic to the bare bone and hopefully saved me from making a horrible mistake. You helped me turn a corner on how I was thinking about things, specifically Thought 2 : Control.

I really appreciate it.

Edo's picture

Ok I've been in a rship with a girl what seemed to be the blur, innocent, demure sweet type. She's not that hot, but she's got her assets. She's had 6 boyfriends before me. I was number 7.and that too, she left her boyfriend in another country to be with me. I made sure she resolved to completely before coming to me.
I was a happy go lucky, boyish 19 year old that time. She loved my gentleman side and life in me. After 2 years of living together, she said she wants to settle with me, I was a pessimistic, paranoid person, always criticizing of her past rships, and also I always was jealous whenever she scored higher than me in our exams (we both are in the same University). She's a bit of a flirt, more natural at talking with guys than girls. I was also paranoid about that.

During the 3rd year, One day, she went out with one of our University friends, a guy, quite a bad boy. they worked on the same thesis. I said I trusted her. She went home with him, and when I came busting at their door at midnight, they claimed nothing was happening.
Later we had a rocky rship coz of trust issues. Found some flirty messages on her phone, overall she had a overall flirty behavior.

Suddenly sumthg big happen, she had problems with the University had to be delayed. I was close and caring for her for all that time till she entered. It was our 4th year. She got a booty call one random night.
I confronted the guy and told him firmly to stay away.
Suddenly out of know where we had a huge argument, leading into a break up.

She found solace and a rebound bf who happened to be my best friend. I tried to get her back or at least tell me why and how she could break our rship. We were gonna get married in our 6th year.
And then she fold Me. She cheated on me the night with that bad boy during 3rd year. Then, she also had a mini affair and had sex 2 times with another hunk who was working out at a gym. If that wasn't enough, she was forced into sex with another guy but complied and even had a bathe with him.
That's why she said, our rship is too tainted, I had to leave.
She dated the new rebound for 6 months. I had left already.

Now she left the rebound and came after me saying I was the best she ever had and she's so shameful of what she did.

I wasn't the most perfect bf. I'm alright looking, I work out, I take care of her when she's sick, I love her woith all My heart and I shower my love and concern. I had my terrible pessimistic, egoistic paranoid attitude but we both clicked yet.

Is this fair to happen this way? Am I at fault?
And right now I want to try and make things work, yes I'm swallowing my dignity and pride. But I wanna see what wouldve happen if I showed I could be a REAL Man, and see if she cheats again. How bout it?

*ps she likes it when we talk, we always act adorable with each other. Pampering style. How do I BE A MAN and still do that?

Anonymous's picture

Great post, but I'm confused about some circular logic. You say that it's risky to enter into a committed relationship with a woman who has a high sex drive and has sex for fun, and is easily seduced. I agree with this.

However, the way to get girls in the first place (according to your posts on approaching women) is to flirt around with them and escalate to sex as soon as possible. So if we're flirting with girls and sleeping with them before they "fall in love" with us, how are we supposed to find the ones who will only have sex for love and not because we are seducing them?

Anonymous's picture

Hi Chase

I've been reading your articles on pretty much every topic there is on your site. I recently came out of a 7 yards relationship. In the beginning I was more confident than a peacock and over the years I adapted to worshiping the ground my ex walked on....long story short I relocated to another city for her as she impulsively decided to persue a career elsewhere but was open to me following her alba later stage. I moved up and to be honest career wise I've grown and opened a successful restaurant and doing well otherwise. A few reasons stand out on why I know it went wrong ...I did. Not Make enough money and wasn't ever there most of the time (chefs life) I couldn't hold a stable job because I did not understand the challenges of my iindustry when I first moved here. Although she knew I loved her with all my heart I just couldn't motivate myself to be a stronger figure for her. I completely understand why she left and it came at a time when she lost her father to cancer... as the no Brainer I feel I was the reason for this due to my lack of the above..I am emotional and I do believe I can balance that with a stronger character. I now found out 5 months later that she cheated on me and it's left me breathless... I ask you to please share any insight on how to remove the pathetic old me and bring back my peacock status ....I never had a problem with girls only I was a tad shy...other than that I've bounced back but I'm pretty torn today...I want to forgive and forget and move on briskly and correct my wrongs...

Broken and pathetic

Anonymous's picture


This is the best article I've ever read on cheating..

Curious, how do you know this stuffs?

Fred's picture

My current girlfriend is great, she is 36 and her PAST is similar to the points listed above for red flags. I have been with her for a year and a half and I haven't seen any of these points now other than a high sex drive. She doesn't go to clubs anymore, she now has more girlfriends than guy friends, we only travel together, she is pretty tame and would prefer a night in versus going out. We are both committed to each other but we have had problems with me dealing with her past. The fights are always about me questioning her past and I have never seen her do anything to suggest she even talks to other guys. She assures me that she only wants to be with me and has no interest in being on the go and dating or having sex with anyone else. She sometimes laughs and says I'm probably the one more at risk as I didn't sew my oats. Overall she has an amazing sex drive, has slept with a number of men (maybe 25-35 is my guess), has traveled alone and has cheated on an ex-boyfriend before. Most days I feel good being with her but some days I wonder will she stray. When I read this article it makes me wonder more. Any insight?

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