How to Prevent Cheating by Your Girlfriend
Thursday, 9 August 2012
Yesterday I made a post on the infamous scenario of when a girl has a boyfriend and you want to date her or get together with her anyway.
As you might expect (though I admittedly hadn't really thought about
before making the post), some guys got upset and one of them responded
with, and I
paraphrase, "How could you?"
(another one responded with a comment that wasn't as eloquently put and
didn't merit posting)
How could I what, you might ask? Why... how could I share with men this forbidden knowledge on how to get girls who are already attached! Now, I get a lot of people asking myself to censor myself on this website - human sexuality is the single most controlled and censored thing in recorded (and doubtless before recorded) history, after all... we're all biological organisms, and the ultimate aim of all biological organisms is reproduction. Everyone and their brothers wants to be able to control the system, maximize their own abilities to mate, and prevent others from becoming or remaining threats to them.
But as luck would have it, I prepared a companion piece for yesterday's post on how to get a girl with a boyfriend: namely, one on how to prevent cheating; or, how to make your girlfriend not want to stray... and how to make her so crazy about YOU that no other guy will be much of a threat.
Do please note: we're going
to take a walk down evolutionary psychology road,
so if you have any reservations about wanting to open up the hood on
relationships and see what's really underneath, this ain't the post for
you. You have been warned...!
First Order of Business: Don't Try to Stop Her
Where most guys go wrong in their relationships is trying to stop their women from cheating.
Am I telling you to give her a free pass to just... go do whatever she wants?
No, absolutely not. Rather, what I'm telling you is this: if you try to PREVENT cheating, you will FAIL, 9 times out of 10.
Instead, you must inspire fidelity.
To paint the picture more clearly, let's say I gave you this assignment: there is a man who has a good heart, but he lives in a bad part of town, has no job, has a family to support, and he doesn't have any work skills. It's easy for him to sell drugs or steal; there aren't really any other easy avenues open to him to make money. Your assignment: prevent him from committing a crime.
What do you give yourself as odds you'll succeed? You can spend day and night with him, monitoring him, and refuse to let him out of the house, but at SOME point when your back is turned... he's going to go rob a liquor store, and you'll have failed.
You can't win by trying to STOP people.
Now let's say I gave you the same man as an assignment... but I didn't tell you your job was to prevent him from committing a crime. Instead, what I told you was this: your job is to help HIM get a job and teach him how to support his family in a safe and lawful way that he'll be happy with and take pride in.
Can you do that? Might be hard, but it's a lot more achievable than, "Don't let him commit a crime, ever. For the next 40 years," ain't it?
And if you can get him a stable job that he likes and provides more than enough income for him and his family, do you think this man with a good heart who cares about his family will commit any more crimes?
Well, a girl in a relationship that predisposes her to infidelity is just like this: she's like that guy with a good heart who doesn't see any option but to sell drugs or rob liquor stores. She's in a relationship where she doesn't see any way to get what she needs aside from straying.
And so long as your mission is: "STOP HER FROM CHEATING!", you're going to fail.
Your mission needs to become "Make her only want ME."
Why Women Cheat
One of the fantastic things about being a man is that women (well, MOST women) only cheat in reaction to YOU.
Unlike men, who stray from otherwise committed relationships simply because they ran into a hot woman, women don't normally stray from a relationship because they saw a hunky slab of man meat that they simply had to sink their fingernails into. They might occasionally describe it that way, but the actual emotional motivation is different from men's.
Men's ultimate motivation for cheating:
“Hot woman. Must spread genes.”
Women's ultimate motivation for cheating:
“Current partner is unsatisfactory. Must A) get better genes, B) find a supportive replacement partner, or C) force change in the relationship.”
That's right - women ultimately boil down to one of three (3) possible reasons for infidelity:
They've come to believe that their man is weak and unworthy of siring their offspring,
They've come to believe that their man is untrustworthy and will fail to support their offspring, or
They've hit a wall and are unable to get progress in the relationship, so they act out to force change
I won't spend much time going into why cheating revolves around reproduction, any more than to say that the entire reason that romance, dating, sex, marriage, relationships, and any of that stuff exists is so humans can reproduce. All of it evolved to further human reproduction - making babies - and that's what it all eventually revolves around.
That said, let's have a brief look at each of these three rationales.
#1: He's Weak
More polite women will reassure you they don't think this way, but women absolutely, positively detest weakness in men. They can't stand it. And the more beautiful and in-demand a woman is, the more she loathes weakness in men.
You must be strong with your woman. It's utterly, completely tantamount to remaining attractive to her. You can have a saggy beer gut, be making $10 an hour at the gas station, have lost most of your hair, and wear beat-up old stained clothes, but if you are STRONG she will WORSHIP the ground you walk on.
Conversely, you could look like an Adonis, drive the most expensive sports car on the planet, wear nothing but Gucci and Prada, and live in a penthouse suite next to Central Park in downtown Manhattan, but if you are WEAK around her she will DESPISE you.
Why? Why is strength so completely, utterly, vitally important to women?
The strength of her mate determines the strength of her offspring, and
The strength of her mate determines her likelihood to survive and her offspring's likelihood to
A lot of the things women hate are actually hardwired responses to drive them away from men who will provide them with weak offspring that will do less well at passing on their genes or will negatively impact their chances of surviving in the world.
Imagine a cavewoman from 20,000 years ago has babies with that guy in the group that nobody respects and always gets his mammoth steak snatched away by the bigger, cooler cavemen. Think her kids with him stand a better-than-average chance of passing her genes on to future generations, or a worse-than-average chance?
Now imagine a cavewoman from 20,000 years ago has babies with the tribal leader of the group, whom everyone loves and respects and makes offering of cave bear kabobs to whenever there's a cave picnic. Think her kids stand a better- or worse-than-average chance of passing on her genes?
Of course, right? The woman who breeds with the strong man has strong children with higher odds of successfully mating with other strong children; the woman who breeds with the weak man has weak children who end up mating with other weak children or don't end up mating at all.
Thus, women end up avoiding weak men as much as men avoid fat women.
Weak men are to women what fat women are to men: the ultimate turn off.
Except, there are some guys who really dig fat chicks... but there are
NO women who really dig weak guys. They may end up tossing these guys
in the friend zone,
where they can still help the woman out by providing her resources and
upping her survival odds without her having to actually risk mating
with them, but even then they usually don't want to spend too much time
#2: He's Not Secure
Totally unrelated from weak, and sometimes in contrast to it, is insecurity. No, not that you feel insecure (as in: unconfident), but rather that you make her feel insecure (as in: you might leave at any moment, aren't dependable or reliable).
Insecurity's a fine line to walk. If you make a girl feel too secure in a relationship, she'll start to get bored, and she'll come to resent you. But if you make her feel too insecure, she'll become neurotic, cause increasingly more drama, and eventually start tossing ultimatums at you.
Most guys aren't perfect here, so here're the brief descriptions of where you fall on the chart:
- She tells you you're a nice guy and takes care of your emotions
- She seems entirely unthreatened at the prospect of other women around you
- She acts bored or tells you other people have more exciting lives
- She's constantly monitoring you - "Who called? What does she want?"
- She's perpetually suspicious of you - "Are you seeing anyone else?"
- She makes ultimatums - "You need to do this or I'm leaving!"
How to be more of a challenge (if you're too secure) is beyond the
scope of this post. If there's demand for one on this topic, comment
here or drop me a line to let me know and I'll see if I can get one up
on this. But, basically, being too secure ties in with #1 up above - a
man who's too secure will come to be seen as weak. So don't be too
How about making women feel insecure though?
What happens when a woman feels insecure is that you drive up uncertainty, and thus inspire erratic behavior. She's in conflict with herself. One minute she's thinking about how much she loves you, you're such a strong man. The next minute she's thinking about how you can't give her the certainty she needs, you're no good for her, and she should find someone safer.
The result of all this? She starts making rash, emotional decisions, impulsivity goes up... and fidelity goes down.
And when you're not willing to give in to her ultimatums, made as an effort to gain greater security, #3 often ends up as the result.
#3: She Wants to Force Change
Most people - men and women - become so invested in their relationships that they're hard to leave. If you're like most people, you don't just pick up and go from a relationship you've invested in for 6 months, a year, or more - there's too much seemingly at stake.
- What if you can't find someone else as good as this person?
- What if this was The One for you?
- What if you're alone forever after you break up?
- What if what you thought was a problem actually wasn't and you made a huge mistake?
Questions like these plague people facing a potential break up and make it difficult or impossible for many of them to make a decision and carry it through. So, they waffle, unhappily, one moment thinking they'll break up, the next that they'll stay together, and on and on, like a spinning top about to fall over but not sure which way, until something comes along to tip the balance one way or another.
I call infidelity in this case women's attempt to "force change," but it's not actually a conscious choice. Rather, a woman in this position is stuck in such a terrible position - where she's unhappy with her current relationship, unable to get what she wants, but afraid to leave behind the investment she's already made - that she stays in a relationship she probably shouldn't until an outside factor inevitably comes in to introduce a little more chaos into the equation.
Then, she strays.
What happens? At this moment, the relationship reaches a crossroads: either her man is going to break up with her for her infidelity, reasoning that she's no longer what he wants in a partner, OR he's going to break emotionally, get upset, and give in to her ultimatum, giving her whatever she wants, so long as she doesn't stray from their relationship again.
And before you say you'd NEVER be like that second guy... I've heard that before from plenty of men, who later went on to do exactly that. It's a lot easier to say you wouldn't than to walk away from a relationship you're highly emotionally invested in in a situation like that.
I've spent some time dissecting it, and I've come to the conclusion that women engaging in cheating like this that forces change with their partners is actually a smart adaptation.
Think about this: a woman's primary biological imperative is reproduction. But she's trapped in a relationship where she's highly invested in a man who now won't move things forward with her, toward fulfilling that objective. Should she:
- Just tough it out and stuff her wants and needs down deep inside?
- Or should she break up with him and walk away?
Ideally, she doesn't want to do either. She's reached breaking point - she can't tough it out any longer (see: "The 2 Year Drop"), but at the same time, this is a guy she liked a lot and invested in heavily and thought could give her what she wanted, and it'll be tough to find a replacement who meets the qualifications he seemingly does.
So, rather than having to make a decision she can't possibly make, she forces him to make the decision... by straying.
Now it's on him to decide if he's going to step it up and give her what she wants, or step out and let her go. Either way, she's free of the burden of making such a difficult decision on her own, and can always say to herself, "Well, I had no choice. He decided."
How to Prevent Cheating
Right now, you're probably starting to feel like learning how to prevent cheating is an impossible battle.
"Okay, so all I've got to be is NOT weak, NOT insecure, and NOT let her reach the place where she feels like she has no choice but to rebel... how am I supposed to do all that?"
Relax. It isn't as hard as it seems.
Your girlfriend isn't looking for the PERFECT man. Trust me, she isn't. Somewhere out there on Planet Earth, there's a man better than you in every single way:
- He's smarter than you
- He's better looking than you
- He's more charming than you
- He's better with women than you
- He has a better career than you
- He's wealthier than you
- He's cooler than you
... and all the rest. But this guy's virtually no threat to you if you run your relationship right.
Why? Because of the level of effort involved in constantly changing partners.
We've looked at the effort on here as it applies to attraction in The Law of Least Effort. But effort isn't only an important component of attraction - it's important in all things in the universe.
Air molecules head toward lower pressure zones where they can move about with the least amount of effort (causing wind).
Continents slide in the direction they encounter the least amount of resistance (causing continental drift).
And human beings select the best quality mate they can reliably get with the least amount of additional expended effort.
Sure, you could spend a lifetime looking to constantly find that person who's 1% or 2% better than the mate you've got right now. But that'd be terribly inefficient from a mate selection standpoint - and people would rarely if ever reproduce.
A branch of humans that favored mate quality over effort expended to
get quality mates by too great a factor would soon die out, overrun by
that branch of humans that selected its mates more efficiently.
What all this means for you is that you don't have to be perfect - you just have to be good enough.
You have to be a dominant man just enough that your woman remains attracted to you.
And you have to keep forward momentum toward reproduction moving steadily enough that your woman never feels like things have stalled out, starts feeling trapped or desperate, and begins acting out to force you to make the decision for her.
For each guy reading this article, one of those is going to be more difficult than the rest.
Maybe it's hard for you to learn how to be a strong guy and inspire women's attraction and respect.
Maybe it's hard for you to learn how to be a secure guy and inspire women's trust and confidence.
Maybe it's hard for you to learn how to move things forward toward children, or it isn't something you want to do right now.
No matter which of those you find hard right now - or even if you find all of them difficult - you can change that... if you want to.
If maintaining relationships is truly important to you.
If you really care about how to prevent cheating, and don't just want an easy fix.
Because easy fixes aren't easy - and they don't exist, either.
It's impractical to move your girlfriend to a desert where the two of you are the only human beings and she doesn't have any other options for cheating if she gets fed up with you, after all. You've got to make her want to be with you.
Never Be Cheated on Again
To prevent cheating in your girlfriend, the first thing you need to change in your mindset: it isn't "Must stop cheating!" Rather it must become "Must inspire love, satisfaction, and a desire to remain faithful."
You can't stop a man from committing a crime if he feels he must. But you can help him have such a good life that he doesn't need to, and doesn't have any desire to at all.
Let's examine some common thoughts you might have and what they mean (and what you can train yourself to think instead).
Thought 1: Fear of Cheating
"Oh no! What if my girlfriend cheats on me?"
Means: either you don't know what she wants or needs, or you do and you know you aren't giving it to her.
New thought: "What I'm actually afraid of is that I might not be giving my girlfriend what she needs to stay faithful. I need to sit down and examine my strength - does she see me as a strong, powerful man or is she starting to be dismissive and disrespectful toward me? And I need to examine my security - does she feel secure in this relationship with me, or is she starting to act erratic? Finally, I need to examine whether she's giving me ultimatums: has she started feeling like the relationship has stalled out and is becoming an obstacle to reproduction?"
Thought 2: Desire to Control
"I've got to keep other men away from my girlfriend / I've got to keep an eye on my girlfriend."
Means: you don't trust your girlfriend. You know she's unsatisfied with you and may be running around - OR, you're phobic of cheating (same as people can be phobic of spiders or public places).
New thought: "If I'm really this concerned that my girlfriend is cheating, there's a good chance I'm with a woman who isn't a good match for me. For instance, if I stay home all the time and she's always out partying, I need to realize she's probably meeting guys at these parties and I'm not providing the kind of lively relationship she likely most enjoys. I probably ought to be dating a girl who's more of a 'homebody' like me."
Thought 3: Fatalism / Victimhood
"Oh, why is the world so cruel as to contain something so terrible as cheating?"
Means: you're trapped in a victimhood mentality that prefers complaining about problems to fixing them or getting out of problem situations.
New thought: "This is stupid. Why am I sitting here complaining to the walls of my bedroom? It's time for me to figure out why women cheat, build myself into a man that most women won't cheat on, and look for women least likely to stray to have in relationships."
Those are the thoughts you should fight with all of your might. If you catch yourself with any of these thoughts running through your head, don't automatically accept them as an objective assessment of the world.
They aren't. They're your own subjective emotional responses that are in need of some readjustment if you want to actually have what you want and not WISH you could have what you want.
There're two more things we need to look at now, before we wrap this article up:
Becoming what women want in a relationship, and
Selecting women most likely to remain faithful
(#2's going to catch me a lot of heat from a certain subset of women - and the guys who are dating them right now - but we'll get to that in a minute! What fun would a site like this be if there wasn't any controversy on it?)
Becoming What Women Want
You should be your major project that you are constantly working on. If you're not, there's really nothing I can say that's going to keep you safe in a relationship. If you aren't upgrading yourself, you'll lose a girl sooner or later to a guy who is. That's simply the reality of the world.There are exceptions to this, of course - if you live in a small rural town in the middle of nowhere where no one's really into self-improvement and everything always stays the same, you may well be able to remain unimproved yourself and your woman will still stick with you. But for most people, in most parts of the world, investing in yourself and continually improving and upgrading yourself is one of the strongest signs to women that you're a winner and a good pick for the long term.
That doesn't have to mean you're making $40,000 a year this year and $400,000 a year next year. It could mean that you're reading a lot of new books and learning a lot about topics that are interesting to you. It could mean you're taking some fascinating new classes on languages or technical skills. It could mean you're starting your own website or writing your own book. It could mean you're learning a new sport, art, or hobby.
Point is, you need to be focused on YOU first and foremost.
If you aren't interested in yourself, it's going to be pretty tough to find a girl who's interested in you.
Aside from that, always be working on being an attractive, powerful, respectable man. Be fair, but strong. Be just. Be kind. Don't supplicate. Be sexy. Let other women want you - don't be afraid to flirt.
Meanwhile, stay secure. Don't lie
to women - women can smell a liar a mile away, and nothing makes a
woman more insecure than a man who's scared to tell her the truth.
At the same time, do let her know what you really want with her - don't hurt a girl by concealing
your real motivations. Give her the right expectations about you, then
MEET those expectations. The number one complaint I hear from women is
that men promised them one thing, then failed to deliver. Don't be that
guy - be who you tell women you are. Don't be a lapdog, but DO be
reliable. Don't kiss up - women know that men who are kiss ups are
there one day and gone the next. It's better to be the man who's a
little reluctant to help, who then dives in and gives it his all, than
the man who's eager to help, but doesn't actually provide that much
when he does.
Finally, watch out for ultimatums and get to the bottom of them when you find them. Resolve fighting in a relationship whenever it surfaces, then and there. Don't let questions and doubts linger and fester - force resolution when problems occur, rather than pushing them off to get worse and force your girlfriend to try and solve them on her own - say, by taking a lover. And be ready if you can't meet her needs to let her go - time is a lot more important to women than it is to men. As a man, your value only increases as you age - hers drops. If you can't give her what she wants - children, ultimately - put aside the selfish desire to keep her for companionship and intimacy, and release her to go find a man who can.
Let the Right One In
Imagine you started a business with a couple of business partners that you picked because they both seemed very capable in business, both were very intelligent, and you were certain both would help you build a great business.
Then, a few months in, one of them stopped contributing to the business entirely, and the other one ran off with the money that you'd given to the business to make it work.
I had exactly this happen to me in a business I started. It sucked. But I didn't say, "Oh, why is the world so cruel?" Nor did I say, "I will NEVER have a business partner again! I swear off partnerships!"
Instead, I looked at the situation, and I said, "Okay, I selected my business partners poorly. I didn't realize what qualities to look for, and I missed some of the most important ones - namely, people who were going to be as focused on making the business work as I was, and who weren't going to run off with my money or disappear."
Everyone I work with in projects now is fantastic - they're reliable, dependable, and they care as much about our businesses as I do. I'm better at picking the right people to have business partnerships with now.
Also, if I choose to do any kind of business deal with people like those people I originally worked with, I know what the risks are and I properly account for them. For instance, I wouldn't put someone with qualities like that partner who ran off with company money in charge of finance. And I wouldn't do a deal with someone with qualities like the partner who disappeared without strict requirements on what needs to be delivered, by when, and what the metrics used to assess delivery will be and what the penalties are for nonperformance.
In much the same way, you must run your relationships this way.
I dated a dynamic girl once with a very high sex drive. She was beautiful, charismatic, and more fun than almost anyone else I've ever known. She also eventually caused a lot of headache for me, and the relationship virtually exploded in chaos.
I didn't get mad at her. I learned.
I'll still date dynamic women with high sex drives, but I know what I'm getting into.
They aren't the kinds of
girls you can safely depend on to never break your heart. If you need
your heart not broken... don't date
dynamic women. You date dynamic women for the fun and energy and
excitement and stimulation they bring... not for faithful life
Let's break this down. When you're looking for fidelity, here are the red flags that should set off your alarms:
- She has a high sex drive
- She's had many partners
- She's a party girl / she goes to parties & nightclubs often
- She has tons of male friends and few female ones
- She travels a lot solo or with girlfriends
- She's an adventurer
- She has sex recreationally (for fun) rather than for love
- She's ever been in a friends-with-benefits relationship
- She's ever had an open relationship / is comfortable with the idea
Now, I'm not saying don't date girls like this. I date girls who fall into these categories all the time... they're tons of fun! I love high energy, high sex drive women myself, and I tend to have the best conversations and the most enjoyable relationships with them.
What I am saying though is don't be fooled into thinking you can "control" a woman like this. These are women who are free spirits... they're going to do what they want. And they view sex as fun and not a big deal. They're a lot more likely to think, "It won't hurt him if he never finds out," than more conservative women are. So if you're afraid of being cheated on, don't get into a relationship with women with one or more of these traits.
To save me from answering the comments that will pop up below:
Yes, I'm sure you have most of these traits and you've never cheated on a partner before. But, look, you're 23 years old - stop back here when you're 46 and tell me if that's still the case. And get all the other women you know who fit these criteria to do so too - I bet you'll find that more often than not, I'm right. Don't take this personal - we're talking about what's usually the case, not always for every single woman is the case.
Yes, I'm sure your girlfriend has most of these traits and she has never cheated on you and never will. However, most of the men I've known who've dated women like this and assured me their girlfriends would NEVER cheat on them later came back to me to tell me they were shocked and never saw it coming when their girlfriends strayed, and asked me if there's any way they ever could've known after I'd previously already warned them of the likely consequences of dating the kind of girls they were dating. Perhaps you and your girlfriend are different though. Everyone tells me they are, so I'd be surprised, but you never know, right? ;)
All right, comment away anyway because I know your sensibilities have been offended and you need to let the world know how this article is totally wrong. As always, please keep it clean and make a good argument - rude / offensive / nonsensical arguments don't make it onto the site.
Now, red flags out of the way, what should you screen for when you're trying to figure out how to prevent cheating by a potential girlfriend? Here's what you should be looking for:
- She has a low to moderate sex drive
- She's had a few partners, but not more than 4 or 5 maximum
- She rarely or never parties or goes clubbing
- She has a good balance of male and female friends
- She rarely or never travels, except with a boyfriend
- She isn't an adventurer
- She has sex only with men she loves
- She's never been in a friends-with-benefits relationship
- She's never been in an open relationship and doesn't like the idea
Here's the thing with finding these things out though - you can't be judgmental or she'll never tell you. Most people lie and conceal when they can feel they're being judged. So if you don't like girls who like open relationships, don't let that on or you'll never know. You need to come from the angle of being totally open and accepting if you want to find out what really makes her tick.
So, the past two days I've dabbled in two topics I've formerly skipped over because they attract a specific subset of hateful virulence:
How to get girls with boyfriends (weak men insecure in their relationships bristle at posts like this, fearing an army of men being equipped to come and steal their women away), and
How to prevent cheating, give women what they want, and screen out women most likely to stray (women likely to stray bristle at posts like this, fearing a movement among men to stop dating women they can't be assured won't stray, and the men dating them bristle too, when the post hits all too close to home and makes them need to defend their choice to date a woman who may end up doing to them something they don't want her to)
But, that's kind of how it goes in the sex and sexual selection marketplace. You might think of this as a Cosmopolitan for men - and indeed, the comparison's been made on here before - and just like that magazine attracted a lot of bitter comments from both men (wanting women to be more conservative) and women (feeling like the magazine relegated women to men-chasers), it carved out its place in the market because it didn't hold back.
Guess what? I ain't holding any punches either.
You've got to crack a few eggs to make an omelet - so if the posts these past few days have rankled a few people who don't want to become what the opposite sex wants and would rather people simply didn't know these sorts of things so that they could be safe in their ignorance, but simultaneously help the improvement-focused people unafraid to take a bite from the Tree of Knowledge to have better and more rewarding relationships and help save women from bad ones, I'm happy with that.
Ultimately, my philosophy is this: give women what they need to be happy in relationships, or accept that they'll leave... as painfully as possible.
After all, how many painless break ups have you been through?
Exactly. The only break ups that don't hurt are the ones that don't happen. And for that to happen, you need to know what you're doing in your relationships - and you need to give your women what they want.
(By the way, the other side holds true too: you should ABSOLUTELY expect to date women who will give you what you want in relationships, too - and the better you are at giving women incredible relationships, the more you should demand that they give you incredible relationships back. As you improve, your ability to demand similar treatment improves too. I don't focus on that here because that will be self-evident as you improve - you'll naturally become more selective as your abilities increase)
Anyway, if you take anything away from this post take these things away:
Trying to stop cheating will fail. Look to inspire love and fidelity instead.
Women cheat on men who are: 1) weak, 2) not confidence inspiring, and/or 3) failing to move things toward reproduction fast enough.
You can always become a stronger, more attractive, more respectable man, should always be focused on improving yourself, can always do better at inspiring confidence without lying, and can always seek to resolve problems the moment they surface.
Screening women for likelihood to remain faithful is every bit as important as improving yourself as a man women will remain faithful to.
And lastly... complaining won't change the world. Fix your problems by fixing yourself, don't complain about problems or try to prevent other people from taking action, because there are 7 billion people on Earth - trust me, you will LOSE that battle. The battle for change and a better life is won from within, not from without.
And that's that.
I realize I don't think about relationships quite the same as most other people out there. I'd like to think I think about them a bit more honestly and a bit less Disney-ish, though - and I'd also like to think I think about them in a far more empowering way than the masses of people trapped in hoping and victimhood, unable to effect change and fearful of uncertainty.
Because guess what? Getting good at relationships is every bit as important, every bit as challenging, and every bit as rewarding as getting good at picking up girls is.
And just because you're good at one doesn't mean you're good at the other ;) Chances are, you've got some work to do.
Don't be upset about it. Just do it. And be glad you know how - most folks don't!
See you again soon.
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