Take Women to Bed: Successful Physical Escalation

A week ago one of the readers of this blog, Alex, requested I get a post up on physical escalation and getting on with the seduction once you’ve got a girl back somewhere private. Alex’s comment:

As for inviting her home, I would really love to see a post about transitioning to getting physically when she's at my place. Do you kino a lot before you invite her home or leave it like kissing for the right/better moment when two of you are all alone? Do you do more comfort stuff to make her feel connected and comfortable and then maybe some talking about sex topics to make her a little horny, how do you move closer to her both physically and mentally to have sex with her? How do you proceed and from your experience how much kino is needed before trying to sleep with her? Is it even required? On the other side, if there's no kino compliance before such as careessing, initimate hand holding (you know who puts much emphasis on it), but no problem with for example putting your hand on her lower back when shopping, should I be concerned about it?

All very good questions, Alex. I’ll share with you what I’m doing these days, and what I advise guys to do.

Prepping Women for Intimacy

The road to a successful seduction starts outside the bedroom. One of the biggest mistakes most men make, in my opinion, is not being sexy.

Why do guys do this? A lot of it is a focus on reactions instead of results; a guy gets more positive feedback from girls when he’s harmless and friendly than he does when he’s dangerous and edgy. Most guys train themselves to get maximal positive feedback and go the harmless and entertaining friendly guy route. Which, yeah, that’ll get you lots of girls smiling and laughing and paying you attention… but not a whole lot of them breathing heavy and fantasizing about you bedding them as soon as humanly possible.

So the first step is being sexy in general. A good starter for that one is “How to be a Sexy Man;” that’ll give you the main points to focus on for developing that aspect (sexiness) of yourself. Chase frames also come in quite handy in this regard, though nothing beats improving your core, base sexiness. The improvements in your passive traits and characteristics tend to be the ones that have the biggest long-term impact.

Chase frames, when used correctly, can either compliment your base sexiness, or compensate for a lack of development in sexiness; you can use them to effectively position yourself as a sexual man even if you aren’t necessarily all that sexy by default yet. But truly, there’s no real substitute for actually being sexy; you must work on this. Until you get to where you want to get, though, chase frames can help.

You do not want to be obvious. Chase frames are all about subtlety; alluding to sexual topics without directly broaching them. What many guys do wrong is they blatantly discuss sex in the hopes that this will somehow get women turned on. But women don’t work that way. Keep this rule in mind:

Talking about sex does not equal being sexy.

The two are different things. Talking about sex is usually either A) crude and disgusting (if done poorly), or B) interesting and conversationally stimulating (if done properly). Neither of those is, however, arousing. Sex talk can be arousing – but only if done by a sexy man. But a sexy man doesn’t need sex talk to get women turned on. Therefore, sex talk in and of itself is largely irrelevant and only something I’d recommend using if you’re already using it and seeing results out of it. You can play around with it if you like; who knows, maybe it’ll get you some results. Typically though, it doesn’t really help, and can often hinder – by putting women on alert and causing them to raise their guards.

You see, there are a few different ways to broach sex, and they basically look like this:

  • Seriously, rationally, logically, and directly. When you broach sex serious, as a serious topic, whether in a sexy way or not, you are forcing a woman to think about it logically and make a logical decision. The fact is that most women have a lot of issues around sex (such as what their friends will think, about trying to keep their numbers down and not sleep with too many men, about what the man they’re with will think about them if they sleep with him too quickly, etc.), so when the issue is broached seriously and logically, they’re forced to address it and come to a logical decision about it. So when a guy starts talking about sex itself with a woman, her brain goes, “Oh. He’s talking about sex. He must want sex with me. Do I want sex with him?”

    The problem that occurs here is now the mixing of logic and emotions. Her logical brain asks, “Do I want sex with him?” Then, her emotional brain responds: “Well, let’s see… I’m not turned on. I’m not horny right now. So… no, I don’t want sex with him.” And this is almost invariably what happens when sex is broached in a serious, direct, and logical manner: women consider sex with the man discussing it with them, then rule against him. I’ve had it happen to me more times than I can count; it’s unfortunate, but that’s how it generally works. There is only a very small minority of women – the very open-minded kind, with zero hang ups about sex – who are able to ask themselves, “Do I want sex with him?” and come back with the answer, “Well, I’m not turned on, but hey, why not? It’s worth a shot.” That’s maybe 1 – 2% of the female population. The rest of women you lose when you go serious and logical.
  • Humorously, emotionally, and indirectly. Have you ever been in a relationship and had a girl joke about marriage or babies? Like, you’re sleeping with her and cumming in her without condoms and at some point she jokes, “We probably ought to start thinking about where we’re going to put the crib.” You probably laugh about this, maybe feel mildly alarmed and start acting more responsible, but certainly don’t hate the girl for it. Now imagine you’re seeing a girl who goes logical and serious on you: “Do you want to make me pregnant? If you get me pregnant, you’re going to have to marry me.” Yikes. Scary, right?

    This is the difference between directly and indirectly broaching sensitive topics conversationally. There are a number of reasons why indirect works so much better here; I’d list them out, but that’d be a blog post in its own right. Suffice it to say that the girl feels far less put upon when you’re indirect about sex, and a lot of the mystery is preserved. Look again at that indirect comment about the baby: does the girl want you to get her pregnant and marry her or not? You can’t really be sure from that, so her intentions are somewhat mysterious. This is the best way to approach something where people have conflicting emotions (e.g., modern man’s base drive to reproduce versus his logic-driven desire to preserve his freedom and not be forced to settle down; if she says, “I want babies with you,” you freak out thinking she wants to tie you down; if she says, “I don’t want babies with you,” you feel insulted and judged unworthy. Sex is like this for women; it’s better not to give a clear indication of your intentions until you’re intimate with them).

As far as how much touch you should have with a woman prior to working on physical escalation… well. Here’s the thing. If you’re very sexy, you don’t need to touch a woman at all prior to bringing her home. In fact, if you’re very sexy, I’d probably go as far as to say you should avoid touching a girl unless it feels absolutely necessary. How come? Because when you reach out and touch a girl, you’re expending a little extra effort, and chasing a little bit more, which sets up the wrong precedent.

However – and this is a big one – until you get to the place where you’re a very sexy man, you should absolutely be touching women a lot. Incidental touching is what you need to be using to get girls comfortable with your touch. In lieu of base sexiness, incidental touch can help close the gap and get women seeing you as a sexual man. Incidental touching also is extremely important for developing your sense of how and when to touch women when you’re learning.

Again, once you’re a sexy man and you’ve mastered touch, you don’t really need to touch a girl at all until you kiss her for the first time. Until you get there though, you really do need to be touching women at least a fair amount, and you’ll find that incidental touch (things like having your hand on the small of a girl’s back, having her lean her head against you, having your leg touching hers), this is all important. And when you’re sexy, if you can get incidental touch while seeming to get it naturally and effortlessly, it only helps your cause.

Note: Alex asks about caressing. Caressing is sexual touch and should only be done during the actual physical escalation when you’re somewhere private with a girl proceeding towards intimacy. Doing it out in public is tantamount to talking about sex; it’s too obvious, betrays your intentions, and causes women to push back as soon as the mood dissipates. Hand-holding is best avoided altogether as it’s very couple-y and puts you into boyfriend territory, slowing things down and making women demand more of you. I have another post on this upcoming sometime soon specifically, but basically, yeah, you don’t want to hold a girl’s hand.

The Two Methods of Physical Escalation

There are really two ways of initiating physical escalation:

  • When it’s “on” already, and
  • When it’s not fully on yet

When it’s on already – when you can tell she’s very turned on, breathing heavy, and completely ready to receive you – things are easy and the only thing you must do is act quickly. Delaying will cause her to cool off and be lost. You must get intimate with her upon walking in the door, ideally, or within five minutes maximum. You can wall slam her (put one hand behind her back and one behind her head and slam her into the wall, hitting only your hands, and kiss her passionately), and escalate quickly from there. You can sit down and pull her into you and begin escalating. All you have to do when it’s on is get on with it, and you’ll usually have only very minimal resistance to deal with.

When it isn’t fully on yet is where you need more process, which is what the remainder of the sections in this post are to be about.

Putting a Girl at Ease

The first thing you should look to do at your place or her place is to put a girl at ease. I recommend turning on the world news on television. Why the news? Here’s why: I experimented first with music. That was good, but it didn’t provide enough distraction for girls and they’d still be nervous. So then I started using movies. What happened? Well, girls’d get engrossed in whatever movie I put on, and then it’d be difficult to escalate. So I started using the news. TV news provides enough audio and visual distraction so women have something to focus on logically, but without the immersive experience of a movie or television show, thereby freeing their emotions for you. The news lets you capture a woman’s emotions and escalate while her logic is occupied with the goings on of the world. Unless she’s passionate about politics in Bangalore or earthquakes in Johannesburg she’s not going to get all that sucked into the world news.

Then, get her a glass of water. Not alcohol. Maybe tea if she really wants that. But water is easy, everybody likes it, and it gives her something to do with herself if she’s feeling uncomfortable; she can hold the glass, play with it, drink from it.

Why not alcohol? Because alcohol suggests you’re trying to rob her of her inhibitions and get her to make bad decisions. You don’t want her making bad decisions though – she should realize that you are confident she’ll want you when she’s dead sober.

Your place should be set up well for seduction: a comfortable couch, no chairs (or stuff piled up on the chairs – how are you going to escalate if she’s off on a chair somewhere instead of close to you?), ideally your bed nearby. I notice I have an easier time bedding girls in a small one room bachelor pad where my bed is sitting right next to my couch, which is right next to my kitchen table, than I did when I had a big place with a separate living room and bedroom. There’s a weird subconscious undercurrent when a girl hadn’t seen your whole place and your whole bed like, “What else is in those backrooms? Is he going to show me his bed at some point?” You can relieve this a bit by giving her a quick tour of your place, so if you have a big place maybe do that first. If you have a choice of apartments though, go small and cozy over big and spacious and cold.

Also, side note: if you bring her to your place, have her take her shoes off first. I have all my shoes by the door these days, because, well, one, it makes for a much cleaner apartment, and two, it allows me to insist a girl take her shoes off before coming in. Her taking her shoes off is kind of a symbolic act that makes her feel like she’ll stay awhile, like she’s now more comfortable, and… that she’s taken off an article of clothing in your home already.

So, to sum up, for getting girls comfortable:

  • Have them take off their shoes if at your place.
  • Put on the world news (at your place or her place). Music videos are a close second.
  • Get the both of you some glasses of water.
  • Grab a seat together on a couch. If she sits in a chair, tell her to sit with you and that you don’t want to do the whole, “I sit over here and you sit all the way over there like a couple of weirdos,” thing.

Making Your Move

Know what the #1 thing most guys mess up when it comes to physical escalation is? They never make a move. How are you going to get intimate with a girl if you never do anything? The girl isn’t going to do it for you.

If you’re having this problem – and you’re not alone because lots of guys do – the best thing you can do for yourself is to make yourself a promise that no girl will be allowed in your apartment for more than ten minutes without you at least trying to kiss her. This will put the right kind of pressure on you and force you to act.

Know what happens when you first start forcing yourself to kiss girls you’ve brought home where previously you failed to act? You start sleeping with them. It’s a little surprising at first, because you’ll be sitting there with a girl thinking, “Oh, shit, she isn’t ready yet, she’s going to freak out when I kiss her, damnnit, but my ten minutes are up and I’ve got to do it… okay… here goes…” And then you’ll kiss her, and she’ll kiss you passionately back, and then a few minutes later you become lovers. And you look back and you’re like, “Whoa. I thought she wasn’t even going to kiss me back, but we just had sex!”

Yet, had you not forced yourself to kiss her, that never would’ve happened.

You must force yourself to act. Here’s what I recommend you do: stop right now and make me a promise, or make yourself a promise, or make the promise to whomever you need to make the promise to, that you are going to kiss every girl you go home with within ten minutes of being alone with her. I guarantee you that if you stick to this promise your women successfully bedded will double or treble or quadruple from this alone. So, stop reading and say that aloud:

“I promise I will kiss every girl I bring home within ten minutes, maximum.”

Okay, good. If she doesn’t like you, she’ll just leave, and that’s fine. Trust me when I tell you that if she leaves because you tried to kiss her, nothing was going to happen no matter how long you sat with her there. In my half decade in seduction, I’ve had a handful of girls stand up and leave because I tried to kiss them in my apartment… but a heck of a lot more that have kissed me back and gone to bed with me.

You must make a move. This is probably the most important part of physical escalation; the rest is icing on the cake.

The Kiss

Sometimes you will need to use a manhandle kiss when a girl gives you resistance to kissing. That’s probably considered assault or something the United States and Sweden, but whatever. If you watch old movies, this is how it used to be done in the States. Now I think you’re supposed to sign a contract of mutual consent or something and go through a five day waiting period before engaging in any kind of physical contact. I’m kidding of course, but just to make the point: I think a lot of guys nowadays hear about taking a woman who’s struggling against you and just pulling her in and forcing her to give you a peck on the lips anyway and go, “Oh no! He wants me to kiss rape a girl!” Well, you’re not really kissing her, just giving her a peck on the lips, then dropping it. Sometimes you need to do it this way though.

I have a lot of girls resist me on the first kiss. I pull them in hard anyway though, and give them a peck on the lips. Then, I let them go, and continue the conversation as if nothing had happened whatsoever. I’ll talk about what’s on the news, for instance. So it’ll go like this:

Me: I think it’s kind of awesome how fast they deposed the Egyptian government.

Girl: Yeah…

Me: [stare at girl sexily for a moment. Pull girl’s chin in my direction. Girl struggles and fights; I grab her head and pull her in, then plant a quick kiss on her lips. I loosen my hold on her, smile at her, then let her go entirely]

Me: What do you think happens next now that the kicked Mubarak out? Does the military take power, or do they hold elections, or what?

The casual conversation does a few really, really good things for you. Here’s what it does:

  • It communicates this is no big deal to you and you’re totally comfortable.
  • It short circuits the girl logically; she doesn’t know how to compute a guy kissing her and then not going crazy talking about kissing or sex or trying to move things forward.
  • It puts her at ease that you’re not going to aggressively pursue her too far beyond her comfort level and while you’ll push a bit, you’re also not going to push too hard.

After I reengage her logically, most girls are really flustered, and I’ll just go in for another kiss and they love it. Some girls act completely chill and nonplussed, and those girls might resist you a bit again when you go for it again. So, in that case, just wash, rinse, and repeat.

Once I am able to kiss a girl and have her just melt into it and kiss me back, I’ll draw my lips away, look at her closely, and tell her her lips are so soft or that she tastes good. Then I’ll go back to kissing.

Physical Escalation

I was talking to a friend yesterday, and he said he used to spend thirty or forty minutes making out with girls before sleeping with them. Thirty or forty minutes!

I said, “I used to spend about six or seven minutes making out with girls before moving things forward.”

You should always try to move things forward as quickly as possible without moving too quickly. There’s a fine line to walk in the escalation where you push limits, but don’t have the girl push back. It’s deserving of another post, but basically what you’re aiming for is being able to physically escalate to the point where she’s about to refuse or pull your hand away, but you stop or tone it down or move to another part of her body before she can. That way, you are always moving things forward without having her giving you resistance.

Speaking of resistance, the old Star Trek “resistance is futile” line springs to mind. Never let resistance suck the wind out of your sails. Certainly respect a girl’s resistance, and if she doesn’t want you doing something, stop doing it… for at least a few minutes. Then start again. If she wants to stop you, she can stop you. Then you start again later.

If she really doesn’t want to go to bed with you, she will leave. If she’s still there, but resisting, take it as her way of saying, “I want you and I like you and I’m attracted to you, but you need to get me more comfortable with you right now before I’m ready for this.

Don’t start thinking you’ll put it off until later, because later never happens, and people’s feelings change, and if a girl doesn’t sleep with you you had a chance to sleep with, she’ll look back and tell herself there was a reason it didn’t happen. You need to close the deal while she’s with you, which means you must be persistent.

In “Walk the Line,” I discuss a girl I slept with who gave me a great deal of resistance because she had a boyfriend she loved. It took me about two to two-and-a-half hours to break through her resistance and reach the point where I was able to enter her and complete the seduction. In my earlier days I would’ve given up after an hour or so, but these days I know that the longer you escalate on a girl and she sticks around, the closer and closer she gets to simply giving in and getting intimate with you. The more time you spend escalating on a girl, generally, so long as you’re being passionate and aggressive, the more she’s going to want to give in to you.

That brings us to the Big Three of physical escalation:

  • Passion
  • Aggressiveness
  • Persistence

You must show passion to inspire passion in her and make her want you. You must be aggressive in moving things forward and getting ever more physical with her. And you must be persistent in trying and trying again and not losing faith even if she stops your ten or fifteen times, and you must not get upset or bitter and instead take it all in stride and understand that she simply isn’t comfortable enough yet and it’s your job to make her more comfortable with you touching her and getting increasingly more physical with her.

Some tips on how best to physically escalate:

  • Pull her into you. Have you ever had a girl yank you into her during a physical escalation? It’s a big turn-on, right? Works both ways. It’s also in good keeping with the Law of Least Effort; by pulling her into you, you get her coming to you, instead of you chasing after her and going to her. Much more effective for setting the proper tone during a seduction than leaning into her and pursuing her. And by physically moving her and having her comply, you’re getting investment to boot.
  • Run your hands up and down her body. Because she isn’t comfortable at all with you yet, when you first start touching a woman’s body she’s often inclined to move your hand off of where you’re touching, particularly if it’s a sensitive area like her breast, butt, or pussy. When you keep your hands moving, though, and not stopping on any one place in particular, you’re able to get her comfortable with your hands on her there without having her trying to stop you. Soon enough you’re able to leave your hand where you want to leave it for a prolonged time.
  • Pull shirts down rather than up. It’s often pretty difficult to get a girl’s shirt off and get to her breasts that way. So what I always do is pull down the neckline of her shirt or sweater, pull the top of her bra down, and start sucking on her nipples that way. It makes it immensely easier to get her shirt and bra off once you’ve already sucked on her nipples a few times – she reasons you’ve already seen and touched and licked the most private part there, and, besides – she’s very turned on now!
  • Get incidental vaginal stimulation. Originally a concept by Vin DiCarlo, incidental vaginal stimulation is touching a girl’s pussy with something other than your hand or face; that is, while you’re making out with her and physically escalating with her, your knee is pressed up against her crotch, or your arm, or your stomach. Why? Well, have you ever lain with a girl and had her leg against your crotch? You probably got pretty aroused, right? Same thing works with women.
  • Get her panties off first. If you have a choice, always go for pants / panties over shirts and bras. It’s sometimes easier to get a girl’s pants and panties off first, and once they’re off, everything else will come off to.
  • Get to penetrative vaginal sex as soon as possible. I don’t personally get much enjoyment out of oral or anal sex, so this one’s a no-brainer for me, but I know a lot of guys who love getting blowjobs from girls and love giving girls anal sex. Nothing wrong with this, unless you go for these first: it’s not always the case, but sometimes getting oral or anal sex first means you don’t get anything else from a girl. Most women consider oral and anal to be “lower” on the totem pole of importance than anal; for instance, a girl might give a blowjob to a guy who’s just okay but refuse him vaginal sex, and if you get a blowjob first but not vaginal sex, she might later refuse to do anything further with you. Once you are inside her pussy, everything else is open to you.

    A corollary of this rule is that if you have an opportunity to get to vaginal sex you should take it, even if it’s somewhere you can’t properly make love to a girl. Reason why is that once you’ve been inside her, it’s already a done deal, and you can go back to it later; but the reverse is often not the case. If, for instance, you’re making out in the back of a car, and she’s ready for intimacy, but instead you take her out of the car and back to your place, expecting to sleep with her there, you may encounter a whole new wave of resistance in your bedroom and possibly not even sleep with her. If instead you simply pull her panties down in the car and insert yourself there, you can spend a minute or two inside her, then take her back to your place and you won’t encounter any resistance.


And that ought to do it. This post came out to be rather long, but hopefully contains some good information and a few insights that are new. This is most of what I’m doing seduction-wise these days and it’s been working quite well; I predict that if you start implementing these tactics and techniques and mindsets into your endgame, you’ll see a marked uptick in your returns with women.

So, in that case – here’s to your success!

Chase Amante

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.


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Dave's picture

Hey Chase, first I want to say I really enjoy your blog and that I've definitely learned some new things. I have a question/problem: I look young for my age (20) and I have a problem succeeding with older women. Is there anything I can do to help turn this around because I love the older women haha

Chase Amante's picture

Hi Dave, thanks for saying hello and really glad to hear you've learned some from the blog.

Yeah, I feel you on the older women thing. It was a problem for me until I hit about age 25 or 26... after that age it's not such a big deal, unless you're going for some real older ladies ;)

There's a lot of nuance with age, and it's a good topic, so I'll try to get a proper post up on it next week and that should help. In the meantime, if you don't have facial hair, I highly recommend growing some out if you can -- that will help a lot with looking older. So will getting a stylish hairdo.

You want to show women you don't really care about age, as it's one of the big things they're concerned with, which means you want to make maybe one brief comment about age dismissing it, then move on really fast. Like, older gals I have tell me their age, and then I make a very tongue-in-cheek remark like, "Oh, so that means you retire soon, right?" then move on instantly to other conversation.

There's plenty more on that one, but that ought to be a little bit to get you started. Look for a post on this next week, brother!

Until then,

Alex's picture

Thank you for the post Chase. You very broadly addressed the subject I was asking about. This is really helpful!

It was a busy weekend for me, only club game, know that numbers means almost nothing, but I'm still at the begining of my path, got around 10-15 numbers, which 4-5 of them I think are very solid as I had like 30 min to 1 hour conversation/leading interactions and they were great, almost immediately started buildig rapport. Some numbers I was just taking after like 5-10 sentences, just to see if my openers are and impression are good ;) Another 3 women were all over me in like first minute of interaction, didn't take numbers just left them and moved further, they were just regular, slim, nice teeth, kind of pretty girls, anyways on 0 or 1 scale, I would give them 1 that means I would do them. Two of them wanted to make out with me in like first minutes of interaction, but I said I don't kiss in clubs and to one of them that if she wants something more we can go to my place, but her friend (male) came and said something like: "Dude, I really don't mind if she stays with you, but I took them and drove them both here tonight and I promised I would be responsible for them and I have to take them both safely back home tonight.". I left her my number, but she didn't call.

I think four things made a lot of difference to me in the recent time.

1) When I'm really groomed I started to believe I'm kind of handsome, not the tall model type, but most girls like my look and I got complimented on that couple of times. Ofcourse it also made an impact on my beliefs and confidence.
2) I changed my hair, I just got a little different hair cut, but it made a real difference.
3) I bought shoes (not intentionally) that got me easily over 1" in height and it seems when I crossed 5'9" in them it also made a difference, I'm almost 5'10" in the mentioned shoes. I'm around 5'8" normally. One girl, with really nice body, as she is attending Physical Education college and plays volleyball, asked me about my height when I told her to tell me, she said I was 184cm (6 ft), she was 177cm (5.8 ft). With her it was a really solid interaction, she was into me I wanted to take her home (she was with a friend and I was with a friend, all 4 of us would go) and it seems that we were going to go, but after a while she said no and she said something like: "I'm not doing it on a first night" and I said something like: "I'm just a man, you can't blame me" and grabbed her ass again. I think she might think of me as a boyfriend material as we had a really meaningful conversation and was a little scared and felt uncomfortable when I was grabbing her ass in front of other people.
4). Got back to working out, I'm getting back into shape, I'm not jacked and big as a pro bodybuilder, but still my physique is decent, the volleyball girl was complimenting my chest and when I put her hands on it she was fucking giggling like a crazy.

Another thing is, I have a really good friend, who is kind of natural, alpha but not like some jerk, confident, tall, well build, good voice, looks like bad ass/bad boy but still good manners, facial hair, peaked cap (but not baseball one, it is really stylish). I can see when we are in the club we have instant attraction, when we stay at some place soon there are plenty of women around dancing and waiting for us to start interaction.

First impression is most important thing, then you just make sure you don't fuck up ;)

Chase Amante's picture

Alex, you're welcome, hombre. Glad you found the post useful!

15 numbers in a weekend is ridiculous, man. Sounds like you were cranking! Good work seeking to get that girl back to your pad... gets a little stickier when the friends aren't on board (particularly guy friends, who can be a bit more protective than girlfriends).

Props on getting your new look down. It's important to get out a lot when you first have a new look so you can get feedback, as well as build up positive reinforcement for your look when it's good and fresh.

Overall, very cool to hear you're making progress, brother. Here's hoping you get some of those girls out on dates this week and push for some first date success ;)


Alex's picture

Yes, me and my friend I mentioned above were like machines. However I still am not so good at talking spontaneously, openeres and coversations were kind of similar in all cases. I really start beliving that my looks, though I'm not really handsome and tall, played important role. Being with my alpha friend helped, subcommunication and first impression opened the door.

I still am somewhat playing with knowledge, as some girls that I took numbers from after spending longer time with them, five minutes later saw me talking to another cute girl and me touching her and her smiling and being open, so probably thought I was kind of a player or something, anyways I'll be calling and texting some of the girls from the weekend today. Wondering what to talk about but I'm not going to plan anything particural ahead, we'll see how it goes. I'll just bring food topics to tell them to come to my place to make something good to eat. I think that those I had decent rapport with could agree. I better start to think what to do when any of them agrees to show up at my place ;)

jimmy's picture

I've been reading your blog and am learning a lot! I have a couple questions thou. I am approaching the point where i will be considered a very sexy guy. (it helps that i am very physically good looking). But once i become that sexy guy should i still touch them subtley like on their lower backs, brush their hair back, caress their legs, pull them in close.etc but avoid touching their arms or legs while making a point in conversation?
Next question. You say that you need to move fast and close the deal on girls as soon as possible, like when you are first alone with them or you will usually loose the girl. But many times i don't end up going all the way with girls and only get blowjobs or makeouts in my car or on this rooftop near the bars. But probably 60% of these girls get real interested in me and want to see me again, but of course some don't. Most of the time thats all i want is a bj anyways. However sometimes i actually would like to get to know a girl and fuck her often. So if we just met and because of circumstances she can't bring me to her place(i live 45 min from city) should escalate as far as i can in my car and risk not closing her? It seems to me that it would be better to do something with her then nothing? Also i'm in the deep south and girls here care about being all proper..

Chase Amante's picture

Hey Jimmy,

As you get increasingly sexy, touching girls becomes less necessary. It's more important for guys who are starting out to cross the tension gap.

There's some debate about how much to touch a girl once you become sexy between my friends and I. I think occasional touch is still good; some men I know who are very sexy still touch women heavily, but the most prolific guys I know have it scaled down to very minor amounts of touch prior to intimacy.

I'd say, once you're very sexy, physical proximity is more important than actual touch.

I'll get a post up soon on how best to guarantee you see a girl again, but I'm a big believer in:

  1. Get fully intimate with a girl as fast as possible so that boundary has been crossed, and
  2. Make sure things end very well and smoothly as you say goodbye and send her a follow-up text so she doesn't feel "used"
  3. See her not more than a few days later

I'll get a full article up on that soon...


jimmy's picture

Hey i see what you mean. I really only do a little touching these days and have good results. I really appreciate the response! By the way i read that last 5% article like an hour before getting a blowjob on the beach. It encouraged me to take it as far as i could!

Anonymous's picture

Hey Chase,

First, I just found this blog and wish I'd found it ages ago. It's clean, well-written and meaty.

I'd love to hear what you think about this: Had a date with this girl tonight. Very cool chick and I really like her. She made me a steak dinner (if that's not an IOI I'm not sure what is).

I love cooking dates because kino is so natural, and this time was no different. I kino'd for a bit and then just grabbed her and kissed her. She acted cool and nonplussed.

I kino'd more throughout the night but playfully. Smacked her ass, held hands for a bit, and generally just had fun. We walked around and ended up back at her place. I had to work in the morning, so I had to go (in part, I think I pussed out because I'm not sexually confident despite my confidence in all other areas).

I tried to kiss her passionately and she resisted, which kind of threw me for a loop. What do you think man?

Again, fantastic blog. I just found it and I've already referred you to my friends.

All the best,

Chase Amante's picture

Howdy Soupertramp, thanks -- I like that description! Especially "meaty"! Substantial, yet... slightly naughty ;)

Yes, I know where you're coming from, and I've been down that road plenty of times in the past. You're there, you know she probably wants to get together with you, and you're just... waiting for the right moment. Or waiting to be less nervous.

And then it never happens.

I initially vanquished this in myself by setting a rough limit of ten minutes MAX for a girl to be alone with me before I had to kiss her (unless she seemed really nervous... I might spend a little more time putting her at ease first in that case).

Also, a few tips for getting past that initial point of physical escalation:

  • Check out the post on manhandle kisses if you haven't yet. It's a little... uh... more manly than Western society openly approves of these days, but it works because this is something that women actually like and get excited reading about in books and watching in movies and having have happen to them in real life.
  • If you're having trouble kissing her on the lips... start kissing her somewhere else. Neck, shoulders, arm -- all are good. Any other exposed flesh is good too. Use that to warm her up, and by the time you make it back to her lips she'll usually just attack you.

Hope this helps. Thanks for the referrals, brother -- and good luck with this gal! See you around, man.


Dave's picture

Hey chase,

this is really good stuffs the things you wrote. I've been reading your articles and could tell that you've reach the sweet spot that lies between the extreme. I've been to both "nice guy" and "ass hole" and I'm trying to find my balance here.

On physical escalation, I have intention to escalate by holding hands. You mentioned you don't recommend that move. Have you written your thoughts on holding hands? What are your views on the implication of this move?

Best regards,

Chase Amante's picture

Hey Dave,

Indeed -- it's that balance in the middle that's where you want to get to. All things in life, really -- most people lean to the far sides rather than find that happy medium in the middle of the curve where most of the success is. Probably just because extremes are easier than holding the middle ground.

On holding hands, well, I used to do it, but it's just way too... couple-y. It almost seems to communicate to the girl, "I like you a lot, in a really innocent, respectful way." It's like, welcome back to 19th Century Victorian England.

Just a personal feeling there... I've really tried to scrape all traces of "boyfriend potential" from the things I do with women, because even a bit of that stuff can really lead women to put the brakes on things and work to get you investing a lot more in exchange for the two of you becoming lovers.

Even when I lead women physically now while we're out and about, it's more "manly." Like, hand firmly on the small of her back, slightly pushing her forward somewhat, and again, firmly. None of the limp-arm-around-her-waist stuff that a lot of guys do... doesn't communicate what I want to communicate.

Basically, I ruled out hand-holding because I want a greater level of conversion with girls, and my findings have supported the theory -- I'd get a lot more resistance trying to take to bed girls I held hands with than girls I didn't.


jonathan's picture

I really admire your work sir, as a matter of fact I have bought two copies of your book, one for me and one for my bro and I have witnessed many changes in my dating life thx a million.

I have a specific question however which the book doesnt seem to address. I have this buddy(girl) weve known each other for a month now and with every chance I get I try to spice things up and move things closer to that sex place we ought to be. we often meet at an enclosed reading room in the library once a week and next week I have suggested we watch a porn flick, she didnt seem opposed to this at all so my question to you Mr Amante is how if ever we get to watching the porn movie do I escalate things to sex or maybe just recieving a blow job. I guess what I really mean is how do I motion her to perform on me if she is getting aroused witout seeming like a jerk or an out of control sex kid.

Chase Amante's picture

Hey Jonathan, appreciate the business, brother -- hope your bro's finding the book useful too!

When escalating with your friend -- and it does sound like she wants it quite a bit too, yeah -- keep things casual and keep them warm.

So, basically:

  1. Pop the porn on
  2. Turn off the lights
  3. Throw a sheet over the two of you and cuddle up together
  4. Put your arm around her as you cuddle close and pull the sheet up
  5. Start rubbing her a bit

From there, you've got some options.

Myself, I'd probably tell her, "Hey, feel this," and put her hand on my crotch when I'd gotten pretty hard and we were both feeling excited. I'd then have her start rubbing it, and I'd start playing with one of her breasts or rubbing her thigh with the hand that was wrapped around her. Once she seems pretty excited, unzip your pants and tell her, "Let's try this out," about whatever they're doing in the film.

Should be all gravy after that :D


Obi's picture

I just turned 21 ( virgo's are the best lol)

and Im a virgin, this never really bothered me cause it was just an after thought like whatever it'll come when it comes but ever since I turned 21 whats been going through my head is "damn im a 21 year old virgin, the fuck".

Its not like i can't get girls its just every time the opportunity comes i either ignore the obvious hints or completely blow it with my awkwardness

recently a girl has come my way that i connect with quickly, me and her study together and she agreed to watch a movie with me in my dorm
only problem is every time we study her friends are there but she constantly glares at me when we study ( idk what that means) my point is how do i make it known that i don't want her friends to come with without being rude and how do i initiate intimacy when me and her watch this movie.

another question is, is it really true that if you don't fuck when the opportunity presents a female loses interest cause there was one girl that I hanged with about 4 times in her room and my room, we did nothing but made out....i can tell she aint as interested as she was when we first met cause she never texts me but recently she hinted that she wants to chill....i don't get it

Anonymous's picture


So there was this one girl, and to keep a long story short, I got her into my car and we had escalated a bit, from a point where she didn't want me kissing her breasts, or rubbing her butt, to where her bra was off and she was moaning as I kissed her breasts, and to where I had her panties about halfway down. My pants were down, shirt was unbuttoned, and my "male part" was out in her hand. This is just a little background before I get to the sad part, well this was my second time meeting her, and we were in my car in a parking lot (
pay to park) and it seems my time was up on the meter. I noticed a security car coming in and when had to end our sexual escapade right there. Later that night after she had arrived home, she did message me on facebook (as her phone is broke) a little jokingly about how the hickey I gave her was more than a "fruit fly" and also posted another separate wall post (at the same time) about a seashell I had in my house that she wanted. So my question is things didn't seem to awkward afterwards, besides the fact she was a little quiet on the way home (she said she was tired), but do you think I have a chance to "finish" things off with her. How would you suggest that I go about taking the negative thoughts out of her head, that since it didn't happen that it wasn't meant to? Or maybe even is it possible that she is even looking forward to our next encounter?

Matt's picture

Hey Chase,

Let me first compliment you on the depth and complexity of this blog. I'm pretty blown away, well done sir.

I'll get straight to it. I'm 22 years old and am currently studying abroad (outside of the US) for University. I met a girl at the beginning of my sophomore year in the states. We had sexual tension right from the start and constantly walked the line between dating and friends, but I was inexperienced and not aggressive enough then and she was hung up on her ex. We slept together once, but I never established myself sexually like you say in your blog and she soon moved on. I allowed myself into the 'friend zone' out of frustration, and shes frequently gone out of her way it seems to ask me questions about other guys, despite knowing how I feel about her. Its been about a year since then and I am currently scheduled to return to the states July of this year. I recently received a message from her saying that she still has feelings for me and though i've been with many women since then and my confidence has grown, im still not sure how to respond, especially since there are still 7 months before I return.

My question is this: How can I go about re-establishing myself as a man? Is this a closed book? Thanks in advance for your thoughts.

Anonymous's picture

I met a girl who has a boyfriend, but she is quite receptive to me, i'm also touching her arm, elbow, waist(putting my hand there for quite awhile), and brushing pass her ass, with my hands of course.

She is always smiling and laughing, telling me to stop, say she got a boyfriend and moving away to get some distance.

She has already reject giving her number or going for a drink.

In this case what should i do?

Btw i love your website, seriously helped me a lot!

Ryan's picture

I just wanna say that I have alot of respect for this article and that it has alot of wonderful informations. I was excited to read it until I got to the part where you openly admitted that you knowingly pursued another man's woman. Whilst i get that every woman is kinda free game, I just hope you can see that some people come to this blog and read it in hopes of preventing people like you from doing exactly what you've done. Still a great article, lots of awesome info, but my respect level for the blog went seriously down after reading that part :(

Peter's picture

Dear Chase,
I found this post of your is very true. I followed this for 2 times and succeed. However, normally, I am attracted and want to have a girl friend who is a bit more conservative. And these girls are normally virgins.
If this girl is a virgin, will it make a big different from your technique or just take a bit more time before I take her to bed ?

MDS7's picture

Hey Chase!

Recently, I was making out with a girl in my car who has a bf. Everything was going well until I put my hand down her panties and on her ass; at this point, she snapped back to logical state and pushed me off. At that point she said "please take me home; dont touch me"

The thing is, I've noticed that girls tend to give resistance when I put my hand down them first; but all the times I've put their hands on my cock, the eat it up (literally!)

What is your take on this?

Alpha Edgy 's picture

I tried escalating by touching her hand while we were in the theater. But she resisted. I tried again, but she won't let me hold her hand. What does it mean? What should I do?

rrr's picture

Either you should have started smaller, with touching less private parts (like shoulders) or she wasn't into you, period.

Dave.'s picture

Hey Chase ,
Hottest woman I have dreamed of being
with opened up to me 100 physically
And continuously as she becomes emotionally
and logically connected with me.
On the last night , the vacation was almost over
,she wouldn't have anymore sex .
Next we became less connected to merely aquaintences.
How can one invest to boot ?

rickydicc's picture

This stuff is gold. Thank you!

snakecharmer's picture

Hi Chase,

Great article! I was just thinking of a question related to this this week. I had a question on holding hands, and as a man, I am faced with this dilemma when in a situation where I get someone's contact and meet the woman at a later date. So post "first date", usually light dinner & drinks, when inviting a girl to my place, I feel the awkwardness of trying to decide whether to hold her hands on the way or not. I live 5 minutes away from my favorite date locations, so I walk back. There's usually lots of light touching during conversation, but holding hands seems to be a different ballgame for me. I have to admit, I haven't gotten into the habit of asking women to come home after the first date - I was reared on the "don't try on the first date" faux rule for years - until recently when I realized the importance of going for it. The awkwardness vanishes after reaching home.

Interestingly, I never face this dilemma if I escalate things the same night of meeting the woman as the woman tacitly acknowledges that there will be intimacy later on in the night. Post "first date", I feel women are way more defensive than a same night pull - its also confusing in these days of blurred lines between "hangout" and "date".

Any suggestions?


Timothy's picture

Hey chase, me and my girl have been dating for about a month and a half now. My success with hook I g up and having sex the first night was due to you, also that night was the night I lost my virginity ( much thanks givin to you) But one thing that really irritates me is she refuses to give me head. I've managed to get her to go down on me about twice but it's only for about 1:40 sec at most. I really care about her but this aspect of out relationship really pisses me off. I was wondering if you had any tips about getting her attitude to change. I really are about her but if she refuses any longer I'm bound to leave her for I've done quite a deal of stuff for her ( my giving nature ) I don't want things to go sour but if things don't change I'm bound to loose it. After all blowjobs are flowers for men aha.

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