How to Dance with a Girl and TURN HER ON
When you know how to dance with a girl in a sensual, sexual, not platonic, gentlemanly, nice-guy way, you’re at a huge advantage with women in parties, bars, and nightclubs. Dancing is a socially acceptable way to be in a woman's personal space and allow her to taste what you are like without her having to fear judgement.
It even helps you to turn a girl on in a fast, simple, and
relatively harmless (and very socially acceptable) way.
The only question is how do you turn such a safe act into a seductive one... and leave her wanting more?
You really shouldn’t aim to be a “professional dancer” in order to impress women, because skill at dancing in and of itself is actually rather platonic (i.e., NOT sexually exciting to women) compared to what a seductive man can do under the veils of it.
Women like “dancing” because they get to be physical with you without “buying” you or getting in the awkward position of needing to think about how to reject you. A girl doesn’t HAVE to assess whether she wants to sleep with you or not, which allows her to think about it in her own time and in her own ways.
You don’t need to be professional with master-level dance floor skills to do well with women while dancing; you just need to feel good and not get a girl into a “strictly business” mental state.
Girls are very attentive to the ways guys move and hold themselves. Most of their sexual selection isn’t dependent on physical looks but instead subtle and indicative movements of the man; gestures, the way a man presents himself, the nervous tells she can notice in his voice or mood - these are all taken in and tell her things about you sexually. In order to project the right image to women, you really want to think of your image as a dance, not as a picture.
A dance is really a way for her to connect with your body and play with the possibilities it holds. Dance is very similar to flirting in that it allows her to get a taste of how you are before taking a bite. The more flirtatious your dancing becomes, the more women will love you after having danced in your embrace.
The simplest place to start dancing is the importance of rhythm. And the simplest way I know how to explain its importance is by comparing it to a type of sexual leadership. A woman who sees a man with rhythm is usually thinking, “Will he be able to lead a rhythm that I will want to move with?” and by extension is really checking out how good you are going to be at turning her on in bed.
As far as how women pick the guy that they want to dance with, it can be said that girls want to be led into happier, and healthier lives; they want a better view of themselves and a higher sense of purpose to what they are achieving in life.
What they avoid is being lead into a guy's egotistical version of himself as “king of all he sees”. Women quite simply are into dancing for themselves, which makes sense if you think about it... so they want a good leader that can make them look and feel good.
Girls respect leaders in general, but rhythm is comparable with sexual leadership; they don’t love guys who are right, they love guys who can “do it right”; they don’t look for the guy that the professionals rate highly, they look for the guy that all the girls want.
The more understated and without ego you can present sexual leadership through your sense of rhythm, the more it will turn them on in spite of your technical dancing skills. Don’t be the guy that is like, “I have so much junk in my pants I think it is about to bust out”; be the guy that is like, “I could show you everything, but I won’t because I can do it with just one touch, one movement, the way I am close to you... I can drive you mad crazy for me, I can feel the rhythm and can help you feel it too”. Girls love to be lead to their own empowerment, and dancing is all about empowering. Women are so mad for this empowerment they will not notice the super professional dancer beside you if they are drunk off your sensual lead.
Most girls articulate it something like this however: “Damn, that guy can really feel the music,” and they will get turned on because, “Wow, he can really move with me; damn that’s sexy”. Have you ever seen a girl who can back bend, and twist, and move, and you just thought, “Wow, that will be great in bed”? Well, girls think the same thing, but for guys they are looking for subtler and more leading movements. To a girl, a guy that can entice her to move in sexier ways is a guy that is good in bed. She looks for slow, strong, sensual, easy to follow movements. She looks for a smooth attitude that makes her want to push and pull on it, grab it, test it, play around it, shelter within it.
Once you start to understand the importance of rhythm, you might make the connection that it is also about affection, physical comfort, mutual trust and encouraging her to be free of shame. To extend this concept into “flirting” with dancing, you really need to start to be very aware of how to use the opportunity of this consequent free zone to your advantage.
How to Dance with a Girl and Turn Her On
If you have little to no experience yet with dancing, both Chase and Peter have gone into the basics of rhythm in their articles on dance:
However, assuming you have the basics of rhythm down already, here are some main points to keep in mind on how to dance with a girl rhythmically and sensually to really capture the essence of what women are looking for in a dance partner:
Compliment how she is already starting to move, “Oh, the way you move, it is fascinating! Let me see some more” by showing open body language, a knowing gaze, and an inviting dip.
Next you want to keep plausible deniability whilst working it to your advantage at the same time. Don’t be rigid, like “It is all about dancing for me” (this is not so different from telling women you only want to be just friends when your real intentions are the opposite), and neither be overly “out to get some”, which is just as inelegant and un-intriguing. Dancing is about sexual curiosity, but not about sexual consolidation, and if you keep this in mind you can keep the balance perfect for flirting.
“I want to see more of you, so I’m going to test you, I’m going to put you in a position where you must show me something, and I will be right here, to be touched and stroked if that is how you end the movement”: as a guy, patience is key, so don’t just be like, “What is all this random stuff you are doing! Just kiss me already!”; instead, push her to show you MORE before you let her touch you; tease her to show you what she has got.
Inspire her to be more by putting her in risky positions she must escape. Women are kind of like cats in that the more you herd them into a corner, the more agile they become, so the main way to get a girl to be more adventurous is to put her in a playful position she can show you how she escapes from and to allow her to do it with grace. She wants to show you how she can adapt to you, and as a result, the more she feels she can escape whilst still staying close to you, the more she will feel confident about her ability to keep you turned on outside of dancing.
Keep the ending saucy: either build up to the perfect move, or the perfect “until later” moment with the subconscious promise that you will make it back to her to play out this flirtatious battle with your words and acts.
Here is a shorter recap of these tips - the nuts and bolts:
- Always give her a graceful exit but keep her with a risk of being caught
- Test her out, and make her show you something by enticing it out of her
- Be curious but don’t try to consolidate... Yet
- Have open body language, a knowing gaze, and an inviting demeanour
These points are not only keys to dancing, but keys to flirting. Once you look over these concepts, it starts to become clear why girls love dancing so much, and it isn’t because girls are just avid dancers by nature; it is because they clearly see that it gives them some sexual freedom... and come on, what girl doesn’t enjoy a good flirt?
For women, dancing is flirtation they can go out and get for free, so they love it, and so they should, as it is a fantastic way to meet people, and has been used throughout history to do so.
Women are always looking for the smallest signals to judge what they are supposed to do. They do this because no one ever really tells them what is on his or her mind, and so they grow to be competent at judging what someone is thinking by the little things.
As a guy you want to be aware that small signals such as entering her space, or a change in how tightly you hold her hand, or how you loosen your fix of attention from her show her things about “where this is all going”. If you want to be flirtatious in how you dance, what you really want to start with is making sure that your small signals all lead in the direction of being consistent and encouraging, even “risqué”, so she can think, “Ooh, he is going to take this further!?”.
You never want to pull back from being exciting into something that is loose or uncontrolled; you always want to come back to basic, to something that is still in control, still ready and able to go further forwards but just isn’t doing so yet.
In a dance like salsa, or a waltz, you have your basic steps, and these are all about never just “stopping” the dance, they are about keeping a girl comfortable with the pauses, and allowing her to stay in rhythm with you at all times without feeling rejected or abandoned.
To take this lesson to heart, you really want to make sure that your dancing never “loosens up” to the extent that it stops, and you never want your dancing to indicate that you really don’t want to dance longer. You want to indicate that you are still curious about her sexuality and her abilities, AT ALL TIMES. Finish a dance with “that really wasn’t enough, you still have a lot of mystery I must still explore” because that will leave her eager to get back into it.
And just a quick tip for dancing basic; add in the thought “hmm, you are very sensual, but to come up with my next question, I want to take a view of you”, ease back gently, and soften your gaze and allow her to re-establish her comfort. When you want to go out of basic, you want to tighten things up a little bit, take a breath in, and give a sense of “I know what to test you on now”. This mental indicator of thinking about what you will test her on and knowing what you will test her on then testing her on it can really keep things burning hot at all times and really set you up for a great result.
Finishing the Dance
To finish a dance with a woman, “always want more” but recede into mystery like the tide. The end of a dance should be a tease, a tense moment, then followed by a graceful exit. This is all about composure and about showing “yes, I am a man who can lead but I am also a guy with abundance”. So show “you have options”, and expect her to do the same.
Leave her empowered to be sexually free, and even give her an invitation for later through a small signal, such as one last little squeeze of her hand and a look.
Before making an actual move on the woman, you want to get out of the
dancing framework to avoid any awkward miscommunications:
Stop the dance, rest a little, come back into her attention and flirt for real.
Remind her of the dance with a few key gestures or touches, and allow her to slip into that similar comfortable and sexual space with you.
Keep teasing her with that sense of tension you created in the dance but this time show her that kissing and touching you for real is much better.
In the end flirting, dancing, and preparation makes for a sweet and well-earned reward. And in the end there is nothing better than a kiss with a girl so sexually empowered that she just doesn’t want to leave you anymore. That is what dancing can do for you, if you have your inner understanding of it right.
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