Female Mind

A look into the way women see love, life, lust, and relationships.

Why It Feels “Off” to Her


feels off to herI recently addressed a thread on our discussion boards where a member reported on a couple of women who seemed to initially like him, and then backed off in a big way, telling him things like, “I’m just not looking for this right now.”

He’d suspected the issue was he just wasn’t doing all that well at targeting women who were going to be receptive to him, but in this case, the actual issue was he was jumping the gun and expressing too much interest without her giving him a reason to yet.

And what happened next was the girl started feeling like something was “off”.

As soon as that feeling comes up, you’re in bad shape.

And it isn’t always caused by missing a step here or there, either.

Everything I Know About Race and Dating Girls


My friend had just told me that he saw the girl I liked with another guy.

“I don’t get it man! I know that she likes me.”

“Bro, it’s because of this,” he said, pointing to his dark skin.

I responded saying, “What are you talking about man?”

“It’s because you’re black bro; girls like her only date white guys.”

race and dating

Until that point I had not looked at dating through a racial lens. But after that day I started to become more “aware” of race and dating. I started “seeing” that white guys had it easier when it came to getting girls. It didn’t matter that I had dated many different races of girls before. It didn’t matter that I ended up dating the girl that we were talking about. That conversation had given me the ultimate excuse: that if a girl didn’t like me, it was because of my race.

It took me years to get away from that particular train of thought. It still creeps in from time to time, but as soon as I catch myself thinking like that now I cut that line of reasoning. So I will go ahead and answer the question that is on a lot of your minds right now.

Does race matter when it comes to dating? Yes.

Does it matter as much as people think it matters? No.

In this post, I will answer common questions I get from guys about race and dating; some advice for getting over racial insecurities and some stories from my journey.

Dance Floor Game Tips #9: More on Handling Resistance


dance floor resistancePreviously I discussed a few important premises and techniques that will help reduce your chances of having to face resistance when you escalate physically – or at least will minimize the impact of the resistance.

Previous articles in this series here:

  1. Dance game foundations

  2. Warming up on the dance floor

  3. Dance floor target selection

  4. Opening on the dance floor

  5. Building attraction on the dance floor

  6. Physical escalation on the dance floor

  7. Handling her friends

  8. What causes resistance

However, even knowing what causes it and how best to avoid it, sometimes resistance will occur anyway. It’s far from uncommon. Even good seducers face resistance – although less often than beginners.

Before I begin, please note this: just because you are getting resistance does not mean you have failed to pull off the techniques (the preventive techniques against resistance) from our last post.

Some women are just harder cases than others, and that can either be due to the situation and her current mood or her personality.

Some women are harder to get than others – that’s just life.

Is There Something About Girls You Just Don’t Get?


A reader named Will makes the following comment on our discussion boards about the “secret society”:

I really don’t understand this concept of a secret society. One that all women and successful seducers belong to. Any society that over 50% of the world’s population belongs to is not a secret. And I’ve been with younger, slightly (or more than) crazy girls who in no way seemed to understand much about social interactions before, during or after sex – you can find that a little too often with internet dating, but I think it kind of disproves this secret society idea.

don't get it

I myself don’t use the “secret society” term for the same reason; it’s an older pickup term a lot of guys do like, but for many guys outside the pickup world, it can confuse... and makes the whole concept sound planned-out (when it’s actually more an emergent phenomenon).

Personally, “secret society” was one turn-of-the-phrase that always makes my brain have to pause a minute. For whatever reason, at least for me, the term makes the concept it describes pretty unintuitive.

Alek has already explained the “secret society” concept in-depth in a 2013 article here: “Social Order, Sexual Restriction, and the Secret Society.”

Today, I’d like to talk a bit more about what’s going on in women’s heads when they meet a guy who “gets it” versus a guy who does not... and how they figure out who’s who.

Indecision is a Woman’s Prerogative (and She Likes It that Way)


Women are vexing creatures, aren’t they?

Men often find aspects of basic female nature completely perplexing. Women, for their part, often find many aspects of basic male nature an utter bore.

woman's prerogative

I talked about the multi-layered aspects of what women want before; today I’m going to talk about why exactly they make it so indecipherable what they want in any one moment for men (and frequently themselves).

Have you ever watched a man who is good with women? You’ll notice women do all kinds of womanly things around him that would make most men boil, while he just laughs.

How can such a man be so nonplussed around the madness that is woman?

We see men commenting on Girls Chase about this often. A guy comes on and rages about how women don’t make any sense and men shouldn’t have to change one lick for them. Shades of the good old fashioned “just be yourself and everything will work out fine” argument which took over popular thought sometime in the 20th century with its ineffectual pseudo-intellectual quips.

There is one element you see again and again that drives men to tear their hair out in patches though, and that’s this: women change their minds like monsoon season weather. One minute it’s pounding sheets of rain, and the next minute the sun’s out bright with nary a cloud in sight.

Most men do not understand this... while the men who are good with women just smile and laugh. “Girls are silly and cute,” such men say.

You may know this mentality is better intellectually, but perhaps you still find yourself bugged by women’s behavior emotionally. Happens to lots of guys.

With regard to the man irritated by women’s behavior, and the man at peace with it:

How can these two men have such totally different views on women – and what’s really going on in women’s heads that make them so darn flakey?

Target Selection, Pt 1: Finding Sexually Receptive Women


target selectionThis is the first article in a two-part series about the importance of Target Selection. This first article talks about Target Selection as it relates to sleeping with new women; the second, Target Selection when it comes to relationship potential, as well as which type of relationship a girl is a fit for with you (FB, FWB, MLTR, LTR, OLTR).

As you'll discover in the next article, not all women are built equal and some are simply poor candidates for certain roles in your life.

Today we will discuss why it's important to choose targets wisely when hunting for new sex partners. The reason for this is simple: it is a giant waste of time to pursue women who are not interested or available. It will never "work", and even if you end up sleeping with such a woman, it will come at great expense to you and will not work out the way you want it to.

First, let's define the terms "interested", "available", and "interested and available".

A Study in Female Nature


I have never written an article like this before, so bear with me. It is going to be half Field Report from Tinder and half explanation. I will be quoting the conversation I had with “Sarah” in full, as well as detailing parts of her Tinder profile because the contrast you will soon see is what I truly wish to highlight today.

female-nature

This article is aimed at the guys who are still learning the true nature of female humans, which is as simple as the true nature of all other female primates. This may be a bit of a red pill article for you – and I truly hope and intend that this is the case. I chose in the end not to sleep with the girl, for reasons you will see later, but that takes nothing away from the value of what follows.

I will post bits of the conversation in regular font, with my comments below in bold where necessary.

But first, the relevant parts of her Tinder profile:

“I am absolutely a hopeless romantic. I’m trying to find my future husband on tinder... I am a mother of an angel... I’m looking for my man, my lad, my soulmate, my best friend; nothing less than that, however, Jesus is my main man.”

She is, obviously, portraying herself as a good Christian girl who just wants to settle down with a good man. While it may be tempting to believe the things a woman says, usually it is a smokescreen meant to separate Providers from Lovers. That is a topic worth studying in itself; one that has been written about on this website before and is also a featured chapter in my book.

Modern Marriage, Part 3: Things That Ruin Marriages


I feel as though the perfect follow-up to our last entry in this series, Part 2: What Men Think Marriage Will Be Like, is an article exploring all the bad things that happen when your relationship doesn't turn out quite as perfect as you thought it would and the whole thing starts to go haywire.

Also, if you're just jumping in here, see Part 1, where we explain in detail reasons why guys get married in the first place.

Usually it's not any one little thing that will sour the grapes, but rather a combination of a handful of different problems that really does a relationship in.

ruin-marriage-1

As a married couple, you are going to constantly face life situations head-on together, and while many of these can be avoided completely and others just come with the territory, all of these that we'll talk about in this article can end up being cause for divorce and should have the kibosh put on them as soon as you observe them.

In Chase's recent article The Key to Nipping Girlfriend Drama in the Bud in LTRs, we found that you can't be non-reactive and turn a blind eye to certain issues like you would early on in relationships. As explained in the article, the landscape changes significantly in a long-term relationship, and at times you actually need to be quite dogged in going about actually getting her to tell you about her concerns or problems in the first place.

Conflict resolution is important. However, conflict prevention is preferred, right? Though at some point there will be situations that either can't or just don't get prevented, so you end up having to deal with them.

As a final note before we get started: There's one really ginormous, obvious problem that I'm not even going to tear into here - and only because it is fairly cut and dry and I think most guys get this - and that is physical abuse. I just do not feel that it is a subject that warrants a copious amount of commentary. It is basically the lowest possible low that can happen in a relationship, far worse even than anything that follows.

How to Decipher Female Subcommunication


You should be stronger than me

Don’t you know you supposed to be the man?

You always wanna talk it through – I don’t care!

Why’d you always put me in control?

— Stronger Than Me by Amy Winehouse

One of the most important aspects to understand about female psychology is the use and existence of a type of language known as subcommunication – a secret language evolved by women over millennia in a male-dominated world. In this secret language, women communicate their sexuality freely, but in a way that most men cannot hear or understand. Women have learned the hard way, through millennia, that men have a psychological need to create a type of schizophrenic distinction among women, slotting all women into a category of either “whores” or “Madonnas”.

subcommunication

Subcommunication – as a feminine subset of the English language – is based on communicating with indirection, double meaning, ambiguity, emotionality, and imprecision for the following purposes:

  • To preserve social harmony.

  • On the other hand, to stir up competition amongst people when it seems profitable to do so.

  • To avoid responsibility and establish plausible deniability.

  • To signal intent to someone, as in “Tell without telling, ask without asking.”

  • To establish boundaries and frames of interactions.

  • To avoid commitment; maintain ambivalence; keep options open.

It’s important to realize that Subcommunication imposes upon the recipient responsibility for correctly interpreting the meaning. In this article, I’m going to focus on Subcommunication in the context of female sexuality.

Modern Marriage, Part 2: What Men Hope Marriage is Like


In Part 1 of this series, we took an in-depth look into the reasons why guys get married.

In Part 2, we will explore what these men think their marriages will be like, and also a few examples of (if they do not watch their P’s and Q’s) where and how things can go completely and utterly wrong, wrong, wrong.

I can’t help but find it a wee bit amusing how guys get so stoked to tie the knot to their special girl, and everything is all puppy dogs and rainbows, and then six months later she is carrying his nuts around in her purse.

hope marriage is like

What do men really want to get out of marriage?

  • A nice house?
  • A two-car garage?
  • 3.2 kids?
  • Endless blow jobs and sandwiches?

That’s not even close to the half of it. While men are naturally a little more laid back about things and do not have the crazy sky-high expectations of an endless fairy tale like women do, the problem persists that men usually end up not only getting less of what they actually want, but end up getting a whole lot of other things that they really do not want and really hadn’t bargained on either.

And the more careless and less socially savvy the man is, the less his expectations are actually met.

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