Female Mind

A look into the way women see love, life, lust, and relationships.

Are All Women Slaves to Hypergamy?


hypergamy
Hypergamy is her tendency to date or marry ‘up’. She wants the best, richest, highest status guy she can get, they say. But science disagrees.

One of the memes of the manosphere is that the women of Western society are ardently in pursuit of the wealthiest, highest status man they can get. The qualities women are said to prize most of all include:

  • Wealth
  • Status
  • Looks
  • Fame
  • Other forms of power

Manosphere pundits call this phenomenon ‘hypergamy’.

‘Hypergamy’ originally described the practice of marriage into a higher social or economic class by women. The manosphere has expanded that definition to describe women’s desire for and tendency to pursue men who are their ‘betters’ in some way or another for hook ups and relationships, as well as marriage.

I’m not a fan of the manosphere alpha-beta redefinition, but I have no qualms with its expanded definition of hypergamy. Seems like a natural fit for the term, especially in our present sexual/romantic environment.

So, let’s discuss.

Is hypergamy bad for you?

How big are its effects?

And, how must you adapt?

Tactics Tuesdays: How to Turn Around a Girl in Auto-Rejection


dating turnaround
A girl who’s in auto-rejection gets cold and snubs you. To turn it around and effect a recovery, you must use this 4-step formula.

This is a firefighting post.

I say that because if you do things right you won’t have to fix anything. But we all make mistakes.

On my article about screening girls for same-day lays, a reader asks:

About that girl giving massive iois and i didnt approach due to exams coming up.. Its difficult to go into social mode when you have your head in books all day since over a month. And to top it all off, she has gone cold.. typical auto rejection, which is my main sticking point for sometime now. She gave me massive blatant in my face AIs but i failed to take action. Price paid. Very frustrating. I have read all your articles on auto rejection.

[...]

Please come up with some technique to turn around auto rejection as its seems impossible once girls go in that territory. You advised value boosts and preselection to turn around auto rejections but would not those make us seem more unattainable and worsening auto rejection as she sees me with other girls and thinks she wasnt good enough? Thoughts?

I was reading your old forum posts and you said not to accept responisbility for her reactions as it make you seem weak. What in this situation when her ego is hurt? Will accepting responsibility that i wanted to come talk to her earlier but could not due to exams better the situation or worsen it? Or should i blame it all on her that its difficult to approach you as you have a lot of security around? ;) (Her parents or brothers are chaperoning her mostly). How about opening with i know i should have come earlier but.. ‘launching into reasons’? This seems like obsessing but i just want to get your take on it.

Is it better to go in as soon as you sense a girl is auto rejecting or give a time gap and re-engage later? And is it possible to turn around their opinions of yourself after ghosting for a while or once its set they see you that way whole life no matter what.. even years later?

Why doesn’t chasing work when the girl is AR? Shouldn’t her hurt ego feel relieved as being chased is an ego boost?

Auto-rejection. If you’ve just tuned in, that’s when a girl feels like she can’t get you... So rejects you before you reject her. It’s a response that lets her shield her ego from a guy she thinks doesn’t like or respect her.

It’s also one of the hardest issues to fix. Particularly if you’ve just met.

Yet, there’s opportunity there too. Because if you can fix the mistake, her passion for you goes through the roof.

Tactics Tuesdays: Spin Your Flaws Into Byronic Flaws


male virgin
Every man has flaws. However, with a little spin, you can turn ordinary flaws into attractive, Byronic flaws.

A commenter on my article “Don’t be So Afraid to Compliment Others” asks:

How attractive is it when you say that “I’m terrible at getting into deep connections with people, there are always people I like, but I never get attached that much so that it was too hard to let people go or go away myself. Free choice always stays my priority.”.

Because it’s the trait I really have.

If you tell her you’re someone who doesn’t connect well with others, usually that’s no good. It sounds like you have a flaw. Or you’re too hard to get. You’re likely to send her into auto-rejection or just turn her off.

Yet there’s a way to frame this. One that works well. All you do is say this:

“You know, I love people. But most girls can’t get past my armor. I don’t know what it is... And I don’t know why I can’t let them in. I so wish I could meet a girl I connect with. It just seems like the average girl is not connection material.”

Just like that, a flaw becomes an asset.

It becomes a Byronic trait. The kind of thing girls go nuts for in men.

And all it takes to do it? Just a little frame control.

If You’re a Male Virgin, Should You Tell Her or Not?


male virgin
It sucks to be a male virgin in our society. But here’s the $10,000 question: should you tell her you’re a virgin, or not? (Answer: probably not).

A reader writes in to ask whether to discuss your virginity with a girl you like:

Hello,

Been a reader of this site for many years and, suffice to say, this site has really changed my life. I’ve gained confidence, I have developed a strong social network of friends, but, ironically, I have still never slept with a girl or been in a single relationship. I’m still young (20; I started reading when I was 15 or 16), I know, but the concept of male virginity scares me. I was wondering if you guys could touch on the subject, mainly:

(1) Does male virginity matter to woman?

(1a) Regardless of the answer, how does one carry oneself, how does one sell oneself?

(2) If you could talk about male virginity in general, and what it means for us, as men, today.

(2a) This could be, interestingly enough, tied in to modern gender roles, i.e., what it means to be a man in today’s Western society.

Also, just a little background: I’m currently serving in the military (in Israel), and thus it has become very hard to meet new women, and I, and the women I meet, are often swamped for time.

Was hoping you could also do a short piece on meeting women when you serve in the armed forces?

Thanks in advance,
Jonathan

This is a question we get often enough on Girls Chase.

So, let’s answer it.

Book Review: Why Him? Why Her? by Helen Fisher


Note from Chase: this is the first article by Varoon Rajah, who runs our podcast series. Varoon’s launching this book review series, where he aims to review a new book each month related to dating, attraction, relationships, or psychology. Here’s Varoon...


Why Him? Why Her? is a book by Helen Fisher which ultimately suggests who you fall in love with (for GC readers – who men and women are attracted to) is powerfully influenced by who you are. Or, in other words, your personality is influenced from a very young age by your inherent temperament in addition to developed character traits. While it is commonly thought that your experiences in life shape who you are, what is not as clear to many is how a person’s inherent biology ultimately shapes them, as well as guides their choices and decisions well through their life – including the domain of relationships, love, and romance.

why him why her

Helen briefly discusses this distinction – personality based on experiences and character versus personality based on biology and temperament – early on in her book:

Your character traits stem from you experiences. Your childhood games; your parents’ interests and values; how people in your community express love and hate; what relatives and friends regard as polite, dangerous or exciting; how they worship; what they sing; when they laugh; what they do to make a living and relax – these and innumerable other cultural forces combine to build your unique set of character traits.

The balance of your personality is your temperament, all of the biological based tendencies you have inherited, traits that emerge early childhood to produce your consistent patterns of feeling, thinking and behaving… Temperament is the “I am,” the foundation of who you are. Curiosity; creativity; novelty seeking; compassion; cautiousness; competitiveness: to some degree, you inherit these and many other aspects of your disposition.

Fisher, Helen. (2009). Why Him? Why Her?: finding real love by understanding your personality type (pp. 3-4). New York, NY: Henry Holt and Company, LLC.

And thus, we all have an inherent disposition and behavior that shows up to others. You might imagine where and how this is useful with your woman life – knowing the nature of that cute girl you’re about to approach or just approached, that cute girl you just met at 2 AM in a nightclub, that cute girl you’re about to go on a date with, and maybe even that cute girl you’re already dating or in a long term relationship with – has absolutely massive implications as to how you show up to her, how she shows up to you, and how elements that you present to each other serve or don’t serve to bring you two into getting together.

And knowing this – knowing your target and who she is – can enable the seeking of girls most suitable to partner with you, as well as cater your own experience with her to manage her needs, attractions, and repulsions.

And with that, we dive into this exploration of where experience meets biology.

She Always Needs to Think You’re in Control


That sounds like a power-mad, insecure, control-freak title for an article, doesn’t it?

“She always needs to think you’re in control.”

Pretty outdated, right?

Especially in a world in which more men consider ‘masculinity’ a bad thing than a good thing:

you're in control

In truth, we get plenty of guys who stumble upon Girls Chase articles (and mine in particular) who object to just this advice:

  • “Why does the guy have to do everything?”
  • “Why do I have to be in control?”
  • “Why can’t women just take the lead sometimes?”

But this article isn’t so much about WHY you must lead, nor much about HOW to lead.

If you want to know more about that subject, check these articles out:

Rather, this article is about keeping up appearances, and not giving a girl the impression that the guy she’s with is floating along, doesn’t have a clue, or is abdicating leadership of the courtship... whether to her, to Mother Nature, or to fate, luck, hope, or chance.

She always needs to think you are in control.

Because if she doesn’t, she ain’t hanging around.

Shatter Last Minute Resistance with Compassion + Passion


“Hey, so I know I’m being super persistent about all this, but I want to let you know that I’m just having fun and if you really want to go to the concert, you can have the ticket back and I’ll leave ya alone.”

I hold the ticket out, open my body language, bow my head, and smile at her.

She smiles back submissively, shakes her head, and tells me that it’s okay and she’s enjoying herself.

last minute resistance

My smile turns into a devilish one, I grab her hand, walk into my house, and bring her to my bedroom.

She sits on the bed and I sit in my computer chair. I scoot the chair close to her and put my hands on her thighs as I lean in and taste her lips.

Between every few kisses she tells me that she should go, or that she shouldn’t be doing this. I then back off lightly and tell her to stay and we begin kissing more, some that she initiates, even after telling me she should go.

Make a Girl Chase Until She’s Hooked, Ripe, and Ready


make a girl chaseSeveral caveats about this article:

  1. This is reasonably advanced game. Don’t do it just yet if you’re new

  2. This is not ‘all the time’ game. It should not be your staple or go-to method

  3. I don’t advise you use it with girls you’re really into; it probably won’t work

Okay, so, this is a way to make a girl chase I generally call “putting her on the hook.” It’s where she’s hooked, she wants to see you, she’s excited to see you, and then you just... leave her there.

But not too long. Not long enough for attraction to expire or escalation windows to close. Thus, why it’s fairly advanced: you must be able to gauge where she’s at emotionally to use this style.

Then, once she’s ‘ripe’, you reel her in for a very straightforward date where you don’t really need to do anything more than kick back, hang out, and hook up.

If that sounds pretty good to you, then read on.

3 Kinds of Men (and How to Care More No Matter Which You Are)


There are, in romance, three kinds of men.

And before any of these three kinds of men is truly free to care about the women in his life and the others around him, he must make an inner journey that forces him to face his demons and let go of his fears of where these lead.

We all, in our own ways, search for a kind of absolution.

When we are young we expect that to come in the form of young love. Movies overwhelmingly portray it as “the happiest ending possible”, so why not? Some choose that path and succeed, some choose it and feel inadequate for doing so, and some choose to walk away from it (as I did).

But the complexities do not end there, and the human condition is fraught with astounding complexity and specificity for each and every one of us. Our lives are all set to a very unique mould, and no two are exactly alike. However, there are some things that are unilateral in their own quirky ways and I hope to share a few tips about life.

kinds of men

In my next article after this one I will describe two paths: one of the guy who chooses teen love, the other who doesn’t and walks another path. However, in this article I’m going to start by shortly describing another path and then afterwards share some techniques it uncovers.

How to Avoid Harsh Rejections from Girls


It sucks being on the receiving end of a harsh rejection.

In this video, I outline the steps every guy follows who doesn’t have to deal with these, so you can get around ever having to encounter harsh rejections too.

And here’s a hint: the steps you follow take you through the 4 vibes you progress through when you’ve met a new girl.

Here’s the video:

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