Female Mind

A look into the way women see love, life, lust, and relationships.

How to Avoid Harsh Rejections from Girls

It sucks being on the receiving end of a harsh rejection.

In this video, I outline the steps every guy follows who doesn’t have to deal with these, so you can get around ever having to encounter harsh rejections too.

And here’s a hint: the steps you follow take you through the 4 vibes you progress through when you’ve met a new girl.

Here’s the video:

Girls in Groups: How to Tell Who’s a Leader or a Follower

When you’re approaching girls in groups, one of the most vital tasks you have ahead of you is to quickly ferret out who is the leader of the group, and who are the followers.

girls in groups

If you can tell who the leader is, you know how to proceed with courting the girl you like. If you don’t know who the leader is, it’s easy to mess this up, have all the girls bail on you, and end up standing around wondering what the heck happened.

You’ll tend to develop a natural instinct for discerning the group leader from the other girls in the group as you gain more exposure, so if you’re a veteran of bar/club game or social circle pickup, you’ll probably find you intuitively know which girls the leaders are soon into an interaction (or even before you say hello).

So if that’s you, this article may be a little basic for you... though I’d encourage you to tune in for the later two installments in this 3-part series, which will focus on picking up followers (one article) and picking up leaders (another article), for some important process distinctions.

If you’re just beginning to dip your toes into meeting women in non-solo situations (e.g., she’s not some girl you’ve approached on the street all by her lonesome), this guide will be just the thing to help you understand who’s who in the girl groups you meet.

Why to Never Take What Women Say at Face Value

what women sayA few hours ago I was in a girlfriend’s apartment with her and some of my girlfriend’s friends. I showered there, and when I finished my shower I left the bathroom in just a towel, then returned to dry my hair.

After my girlfriend’s friends had left, she told me one of her friends had seen me walking back and forth wrapped in my towel and proceeded to make an unpleasant face, then look away.

Now, if I was younger I might’ve been inclined to take this reaction at face value and assume there must be something wrong with my body, or maybe I don’t look that good in a towel and ought to stay covered up all the time. I’d feel self-conscious and take something like this as reason for doubt.

However, at this point, I know I’m in decent shape... I have some muscle, and little fat. I have arguably the best figure right now I’ve ever had. And I’ve had plenty of girls tell me I have a good body. So I know that “Ugh!” reaction likely doesn’t mean, “Ew, he’s so ugly.”

Instead, I figured this likely happened because that friend is devoutly religious, and her reaction was her forbidding herself to suffer impure thoughts / temptation. I told my girlfriend this, and she said that was her read as well (then asked me if I could stay dressed around her more conservative friends).

It seemed like a simple little interaction, but it highlighted an important point:

You must be careful not to take what women say or do at face value.

Girls Chase Podcast Interviews Ep. 11: Chase Amante

In this podcast – the first of a two-parter – Varoon and I talk relationships: starting them, setting expectations properly, converting girls from new lays to regular partners, and the different relationship structures you can set up with women.

A selection of topics Varoon and I discuss:

7 Rules on How to Be the Alpha Provider

how to be an alpha providerLast week, I tackled the common pickup / manosphere belief that the ‘alpha provider’ is a myth: both why men in these communities often think this way, as well as why men who actually are alpha providers don’t usually find their ways into such communities to bother providing themselves as counterexamples to the claims of their non-existence.

Today we dive into the ‘how to’ side of things.

How do you avoid the gradual erosion of authority in a long-term relationship with a woman, and instead retain her attraction, respect, and deference?

How do you continue to be the lover, even when you assume the role of provider as well?

I’ve broken it down here into seven (7) rules: four of them external/behavior based, and three of them internal/mentality based.

We’ll start with behavior, and move to mentalities.

Here we go.

Tactics Tuesdays: The Friend Zone Date

friend zone date

Sometimes you’re out and about and you meet a girl and take a number from her.

And for whatever reason, she isn’t all that attracted to you.

Yet for whatever reason, she still gives you her phone number.

And then for whatever reason, she agrees to meet up with you.

But you can sense this one is going through the motions.

It might not quite be the friend zone yet, but it’s pretty darn close. And she doesn’t even know you.

So what do you do... just meet up with her anyway and hope you can change her mind?

Well, you CAN do that... but if you don’t have a game plan for it, it’s like opting for a few games of Black Jack when you don’t really understand how to play Black Jack.

There’s some chance you walk away with winnings, but most of the time you’re only going to waste your time, probably going to waste your money, and if your ego’s wrapped up in it you may well take a self-esteem hit too.

So let’s set out some strategy for those “friend zone” dates, and talk:

  • Prevention,
  • Treatment, and
  • Cure

What to Do to Date Women from Different Social Scenes

women social scenes

“Why don’t these sorority girls like me?”

I asked myself that question for four years. At parties, I would see them hooking up with guys who I knew were not as attractive as me and were half as interesting, but here I was surrounded by guys who all looked, walked, and talked the same, and yet I was going home empty-handed. At first I thought it was a race thing. I am African American and Indian, the girls I was pursuing were Southern white women, but that wasn’t the case. I had black friends who were in frats that had no problems with sorority girls.

I graduated without figuring out why girls would rather go for a guy who’s just like the rest than a guy who’s different. It wasn’t until I had traveled the world and dated all types of backgrounds, did I realize what was keeping me from bedding these sorority girls.

The issue was that I wasn’t playing their game.

Think about this: these girls had invested thousands of dollars to be part of Greek life. They spent hours a week devoted to their sorority, and even more time talking about their group. Their sorority determined what they wore, how they talked, and who they dated.

So why would they choose to date a guy who wasn’t invested in that reality at all?

Why Nice Guys are Boring to Women

nice guys boringRecently, a commenter asked a question about my article “12 Traits All Boring, Unsexy Nice Guys Have in Common” – he wanted to know, specifically, why these traits, beliefs, and behaviors are so boring to women:

Chase, I read your article about the 12 traits all boring, unsexy nice guys have. How do these traits in and of itself make a person boring? How does things like believing in karma or watching pundits make you boring? Is it possible that you could write about things men do that make them seem boring to women during conversation or in their actions? I don’t think you have that sort of list on this site.

In case it’s been a while since you read that article, here’s a quick recap of boring nice guy traits:

  1. He doesn’t mind waiting... and waiting...
  2. He wants points for being ‘nice’
  3. He gets upset when the world doesn’t play fair
  4. He believes in ‘justice’, ‘karma’, or ‘just desserts’
  5. He consumes a LOT of media
  6. He thinks women are victims of men
  7. He is extra soft, friendly, and gentle with women
  8. He doesn’t have any interests or passions
  9. He can’t understand why women want bad boys
  10. He thinks women don’t REALLY like sex
  11. He believes he must promise relationships to get sex
  12. He can’t believe any girl could want him JUST for sex

Here’s a thought though; read that list. Imagine a man with those 12 traits. Would you like to have a friend like that? Or would you better prefer a friend who is the opposite of that?:

  • A guy with a lot to do who doesn’t wait around for long
  • A guy who, if he is nice, expects nothing back for it
  • A guy who shrugs if the world doesn’t play fair, then gets back to work
  • A guy who believes you only get what you get, no ‘karma’ about it
  • A guy who isn’t overly plugged into popular media
  • A guy who thinks women and men complement each other
  • A guy who is playful and flirtatious with women
  • A guy with several real interests and passions
  • A guy who knows exactly why women like bad boys... he is one!
  • A guy who knows women love sex (or at least they love it with him)
  • A guy who doesn’t give a woman relationship until well after their first sex
  • A guy who believes women want to take advantage of him sexually

Man, that’s a couple of totally different human beings right there, isn’t it? Do you know which guy you want to be friends with? I know which guy I want to be friends with. It ain’t the nice guy.

Why do those ‘nice guy’ traits make a man so unappealing though?

In Seduction, “You” Don’t Matter (But Her Emotions Do)

her emotions matterIn a comment on my article about unclear value to a long-term girlfriend, a reader named Xander remarked as follows:

Can you believe that because of this I can never get a girl. I’m good looking guy, and I’ve been successful on college. I don’t write this because I think look and post bachelor title will get me girls, but because I try to seduce them, and because of this qualities they don’t like me. I’m not arrogant and have a lot of male friends. But girls don’t like me, and wouldn’t go on date with me to save their lives. Problem is that girls with lower ambitions wouldn’t go with be because of attainability, and girls who are a bit ambitious also don’t want, because they want someone less ambitious who they control and feel dominant around him. The biggest problem is my success at college, and my normal ambition to be good at my job and further education. So I can’t be their boyfriend because I equally want to provide me and them, or their lover because girls here clever guys treat like they don’t have a cock. Global crisis hit us and a lot of girls are in found provider mode, and they are too picky and only wants to date man who is completely same as they in all possible things. And as you know it’s impossible, they find one provider and eventually marry him. I realized that being good at science is one way ticket to auto-rejection.

Reading your article I realized that in all world women want compatible man, but here it is more than dramatic. Those are modern times and I think that women should be more flexible.

My problem is because I tried everything I could and did’t get results because of their ego. I know I shouldn’t but I started to really hate women because of their ego who is bigger than Mount Everest.

At one point I gave up from seduction, but this article tells me that maybe there is a chance. Please tell me Chase are there more things I can do or change so I could get better results? If you know some psychological books that treat problems about ego please tell me. Is there something in seduction I should focus more? I focused on social calibration and got a lot of male friends, but women still don’t like me because maybe I’m not calibrated enough, and for sure because they don’t like anyone who has evan a little bit value than they. Every answers, comments and critics are welcome.

While long-term value is definitely an important part of whether a woman is willing to stick around in a long-term relationship with you, its effect on actually lining up dates with women and getting them into bed is... murkier. That’s because it’s quite hard to sniff out your real, actual long-term value from a mere five or ten minutes of conversation.

So, while it might sound like Xander’s problem is the opposite that discussed in this article, where we talked about men who say women don’t want them because they aren’t valuable enough, in many ways it is in fact the same problem:

The man is focused on himself, the man... instead of on her, the woman.

15 Signs a Girl Will Waste Your Time

girl wastes timeI see a lot of guys starting out who devote themselves to trying to hook up with girls who are, to a more experienced eye, clearly just bad leads: they’re women who are willing to continue to hang around a guy, and continue to let him hope he has a chance with them (whether because they want the attention, or because he is too blinded by hope to pay attention to the clear signals they’re sending him).

The sad thing about distractions like this is that a girl like this will literally waste your time – you could be off meeting women who legitimately like you and find you attractive (and would very much like a roll in the hay with you), but instead you squander your entire outing on a woman who, for all practical purposes, really presents very little value in exchange for the time you spend on her.

Now, it’s all well and good for you to make female friends and get to know women better, and, particularly as a beginner-to-intermediate, you should absolutely be doing this (in particular, make friends with the demographics of women you’d most like to date, so you can empathize with and relate to these sorts of women more easily).

However, one thing you should not be doing is confusing women who have no intention of shacking up with you for women worth your persistence and sticking around for.

That in mind, here are fifteen (15) signs a girl will waste your time... and that you should probably cut bait and move onto the next girl.


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