Female Mind

A look into the way women see love, life, lust, and relationships.

Book Review: Why Him? Why Her? by Helen Fisher


Note from Chase: this is the first article by Varoon Rajah, who runs our podcast series. Varoon’s launching this book review series, where he aims to review a new book each month related to dating, attraction, relationships, or psychology. Here’s Varoon...


Why Him? Why Her? is a book by Helen Fisher which ultimately suggests who you fall in love with (for GC readers – who men and women are attracted to) is powerfully influenced by who you are. Or, in other words, your personality is influenced from a very young age by your inherent temperament in addition to developed character traits. While it is commonly thought that your experiences in life shape who you are, what is not as clear to many is how a person’s inherent biology ultimately shapes them, as well as guides their choices and decisions well through their life – including the domain of relationships, love, and romance.

why him why her

Helen briefly discusses this distinction – personality based on experiences and character versus personality based on biology and temperament – early on in her book:

Your character traits stem from you experiences. Your childhood games; your parents’ interests and values; how people in your community express love and hate; what relatives and friends regard as polite, dangerous or exciting; how they worship; what they sing; when they laugh; what they do to make a living and relax – these and innumerable other cultural forces combine to build your unique set of character traits.

The balance of your personality is your temperament, all of the biological based tendencies you have inherited, traits that emerge early childhood to produce your consistent patterns of feeling, thinking and behaving… Temperament is the “I am,” the foundation of who you are. Curiosity; creativity; novelty seeking; compassion; cautiousness; competitiveness: to some degree, you inherit these and many other aspects of your disposition.

Fisher, Helen. (2009). Why Him? Why Her?: finding real love by understanding your personality type (pp. 3-4). New York, NY: Henry Holt and Company, LLC.

And thus, we all have an inherent disposition and behavior that shows up to others. You might imagine where and how this is useful with your woman life – knowing the nature of that cute girl you’re about to approach or just approached, that cute girl you just met at 2 AM in a nightclub, that cute girl you’re about to go on a date with, and maybe even that cute girl you’re already dating or in a long term relationship with – has absolutely massive implications as to how you show up to her, how she shows up to you, and how elements that you present to each other serve or don’t serve to bring you two into getting together.

And knowing this – knowing your target and who she is – can enable the seeking of girls most suitable to partner with you, as well as cater your own experience with her to manage her needs, attractions, and repulsions.

And with that, we dive into this exploration of where experience meets biology.

She Always Needs to Think You’re in Control


That sounds like a power-mad, insecure, control-freak title for an article, doesn’t it?

“She always needs to think you’re in control.”

Pretty outdated, right?

Especially in a world in which more men consider ‘masculinity’ a bad thing than a good thing:

you're in control

In truth, we get plenty of guys who stumble upon Girls Chase articles (and mine in particular) who object to just this advice:

  • “Why does the guy have to do everything?”
  • “Why do I have to be in control?”
  • “Why can’t women just take the lead sometimes?”

But this article isn’t so much about WHY you must lead, nor much about HOW to lead.

If you want to know more about that subject, check these articles out:

Rather, this article is about keeping up appearances, and not giving a girl the impression that the guy she’s with is floating along, doesn’t have a clue, or is abdicating leadership of the courtship... whether to her, to Mother Nature, or to fate, luck, hope, or chance.

She always needs to think you are in control.

Because if she doesn’t, she ain’t hanging around.

Shatter Last Minute Resistance with Compassion + Passion


“Hey, so I know I’m being super persistent about all this, but I want to let you know that I’m just having fun and if you really want to go to the concert, you can have the ticket back and I’ll leave ya alone.”

I hold the ticket out, open my body language, bow my head, and smile at her.

She smiles back submissively, shakes her head, and tells me that it’s okay and she’s enjoying herself.

last minute resistance

My smile turns into a devilish one, I grab her hand, walk into my house, and bring her to my bedroom.

She sits on the bed and I sit in my computer chair. I scoot the chair close to her and put my hands on her thighs as I lean in and taste her lips.

Between every few kisses she tells me that she should go, or that she shouldn’t be doing this. I then back off lightly and tell her to stay and we begin kissing more, some that she initiates, even after telling me she should go.

Make a Girl Chase Until She’s Hooked, Ripe, and Ready


make a girl chaseSeveral caveats about this article:

  1. This is reasonably advanced game. Don’t do it just yet if you’re new

  2. This is not ‘all the time’ game. It should not be your staple or go-to method

  3. I don’t advise you use it with girls you’re really into; it probably won’t work

Okay, so, this is a way to make a girl chase I generally call “putting her on the hook.” It’s where she’s hooked, she wants to see you, she’s excited to see you, and then you just... leave her there.

But not too long. Not long enough for attraction to expire or escalation windows to close. Thus, why it’s fairly advanced: you must be able to gauge where she’s at emotionally to use this style.

Then, once she’s ‘ripe’, you reel her in for a very straightforward date where you don’t really need to do anything more than kick back, hang out, and hook up.

If that sounds pretty good to you, then read on.

3 Kinds of Men (and How to Care More No Matter Which You Are)


There are, in romance, three kinds of men.

And before any of these three kinds of men is truly free to care about the women in his life and the others around him, he must make an inner journey that forces him to face his demons and let go of his fears of where these lead.

We all, in our own ways, search for a kind of absolution.

When we are young we expect that to come in the form of young love. Movies overwhelmingly portray it as “the happiest ending possible”, so why not? Some choose that path and succeed, some choose it and feel inadequate for doing so, and some choose to walk away from it (as I did).

But the complexities do not end there, and the human condition is fraught with astounding complexity and specificity for each and every one of us. Our lives are all set to a very unique mould, and no two are exactly alike. However, there are some things that are unilateral in their own quirky ways and I hope to share a few tips about life.

kinds of men

In my next article after this one I will describe two paths: one of the guy who chooses teen love, the other who doesn’t and walks another path. However, in this article I’m going to start by shortly describing another path and then afterwards share some techniques it uncovers.

How to Avoid Harsh Rejections from Girls


It sucks being on the receiving end of a harsh rejection.

In this video, I outline the steps every guy follows who doesn’t have to deal with these, so you can get around ever having to encounter harsh rejections too.

And here’s a hint: the steps you follow take you through the 4 vibes you progress through when you’ve met a new girl.

Here’s the video:

Girls in Groups: How to Tell Who’s a Leader or a Follower


When you’re approaching girls in groups, one of the most vital tasks you have ahead of you is to quickly ferret out who is the leader of the group, and who are the followers.

girls in groups

If you can tell who the leader is, you know how to proceed with courting the girl you like. If you don’t know who the leader is, it’s easy to mess this up, have all the girls bail on you, and end up standing around wondering what the heck happened.

You’ll tend to develop a natural instinct for discerning the group leader from the other girls in the group as you gain more exposure, so if you’re a veteran of bar/club game or social circle pickup, you’ll probably find you intuitively know which girls the leaders are soon into an interaction (or even before you say hello).

So if that’s you, this article may be a little basic for you... though I’d encourage you to tune in for the later two installments in this 3-part series, which will focus on picking up followers (one article) and picking up leaders (another article), for some important process distinctions.

If you’re just beginning to dip your toes into meeting women in non-solo situations (e.g., she’s not some girl you’ve approached on the street all by her lonesome), this guide will be just the thing to help you understand who’s who in the girl groups you meet.

Why to Never Take What Women Say at Face Value


what women sayA few hours ago I was in a girlfriend’s apartment with her and some of my girlfriend’s friends. I showered there, and when I finished my shower I left the bathroom in just a towel, then returned to dry my hair.

After my girlfriend’s friends had left, she told me one of her friends had seen me walking back and forth wrapped in my towel and proceeded to make an unpleasant face, then look away.

Now, if I was younger I might’ve been inclined to take this reaction at face value and assume there must be something wrong with my body, or maybe I don’t look that good in a towel and ought to stay covered up all the time. I’d feel self-conscious and take something like this as reason for doubt.

However, at this point, I know I’m in decent shape... I have some muscle, and little fat. I have arguably the best figure right now I’ve ever had. And I’ve had plenty of girls tell me I have a good body. So I know that “Ugh!” reaction likely doesn’t mean, “Ew, he’s so ugly.”

Instead, I figured this likely happened because that friend is devoutly religious, and her reaction was her forbidding herself to suffer impure thoughts / temptation. I told my girlfriend this, and she said that was her read as well (then asked me if I could stay dressed around her more conservative friends).

It seemed like a simple little interaction, but it highlighted an important point:

You must be careful not to take what women say or do at face value.

Girls Chase Podcast Interviews Ep. 11: Chase Amante


In this podcast – the first of a two-parter – Varoon and I talk relationships: starting them, setting expectations properly, converting girls from new lays to regular partners, and the different relationship structures you can set up with women.

A selection of topics Varoon and I discuss:

7 Rules on How to Be the Alpha Provider


how to be an alpha providerLast week, I tackled the common pickup / manosphere belief that the ‘alpha provider’ is a myth: both why men in these communities often think this way, as well as why men who actually are alpha providers don’t usually find their ways into such communities to bother providing themselves as counterexamples to the claims of their non-existence.

Today we dive into the ‘how to’ side of things.

How do you avoid the gradual erosion of authority in a long-term relationship with a woman, and instead retain her attraction, respect, and deference?

How do you continue to be the lover, even when you assume the role of provider as well?

I’ve broken it down here into seven (7) rules: four of them external/behavior based, and three of them internal/mentality based.

We’ll start with behavior, and move to mentalities.

Here we go.

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