Sex Logistics: How to Get Intimate in Unusual Places


In "Book Excerpts: Get Girls in Bed (Without a Bed)," I mention a number of different places you can escalate to intimacy with women without being in bed at your home or her home, and a few of the details on doing so. However, guys have continued to ask about how exactly to pull this off... which I understand. If you've never taken a girl anywhere other than your bedchambers, taking her on a bench or a back alley somewhere can feel rather daunting.

You may also even wonder that one thing many a man who's never done something yet with a woman will wonder: "Is she even going to go for this?"

sex logistics

Well, if that sounds like you, then fret no more, for this article is all about answering how to handle those outré sex logistics problems: how do you "get her to agree" to "weird" logistics for sex, how do you set the mood, and how do you actually, you know, physically do it?


sex logistics

Well, yes, of course, but she doesn't need to sign a damn contract with you or even necessarily need to verbally consent ("Oh, you want to have sex on the grass? Okay, I agree!").

This is one of the things men inexperienced with physically escalating with women in unconventional locations often stumble on, and often ask about. "How do you get her to agree to have sex with you there?" they'll ask, making it sound like sex is some kind of complex, rational negotiation between two deadlocked parties.

It isn't. It's a joint, mutual decision between two parties emotionally and viscerally interested in mating with one another.

And, just like sex in your bedroom or hers, you must treat it as such.

A bad salesman asks you if you want to buy. A good salesman simply knows you do (or assumes you do if he's at that point in his process), and simply keeps moving things forward toward closing the sale, until you either buy or back out.

Why? Because if you're already ready to say "yes" but someone starts asking you if you want to say "yes" or "no," that person communicates that he doesn't get you and doesn't relate to you, nuking your ability to relate to him.

Obviously, if a woman says "no" or "stop," then stop. But if she's interested, if she's excited, and if she's moving forward with you as you move forward with her, that's all the agreement you really need - you don't need a letter of intent to copulate from her attorney. She wants you to take her as your lover; just take her.


Sex Logistics: Breaking Her Out of Autopilot

One of the pieces in the email autoresponder when you sign up to receive the newsletter here is on breaking women out of autopilot. That is, shattering a woman's normal patterns of dealing with men - the ones she doesn't even have to think about, because she just does them over and over again.

  • Guy walks up to hit on her? Reject him. Doesn't matter who he is or what he started to say, that isn't even considered. It's an automatic response.

  • Guy asks her, "Can I get your number?" Panic, obfuscation, and refusal. Even if he'd been the most charming man in the world up until that point, she's heard this weak, needy statement from so many unattractive men that it immediately raises alarm bells and she writes him off without a thought.

  • Guy starts kissing her on a date or in a bar or club, then invites her home? Panic, obfuscation, and refusal. She's been here before... she knows what this means. Kissing outside, and then an invitation back - that's an invite for sex. But is this a guy she wants to have sex with? Is she 100% sure? If not, just say "no" - it's easy to do.

Everybody uses autopilot. It's a more efficient way of thinking and filtering for people. That way, instead of them having to mentally process every new thing they encounter, they can just throw it through the mental filter and let that deal with it. "Yes," "no," "no," "no," "yes," "no," "yes," "yes"... etc. Autopilot is your and her mental assembly line for decision making.

That's why I tell guys to break patterns and do things differently as often as possible. The more you're doing things in ways that she's never seen or experienced before, the less likely you are to get snagged in a mental filter she's constructed and the more likely you are to be able to move things forward with her.

If she likes you... if she's at least somewhat excited about you, or she's logically decided in your favor... at that point, all you need to do is not get caught in a filter and you're home free.

And, just like with everything else, learning how to get a girl in bed in unconventional ways breaks patterns and ups your odds of success, too.


The Thrill of the Unexpected

Generally speaking, the less emotional a being you are, the more logical you are, and the more comfortable you are following orderly, structured, well-thought-out plans and schedules and the more you hate chaos and spontaneity.

And, the more emotional a being you are, the less logical you are, and the more comfortable you are with chaotic, loose, spontaneous decisions and impromptu adventures and the more you hate order and structure.

Well, wouldn't it surprise you to know that men, the less emotional sex, tend to prefer plans and order, while women, the more emotional sex, tend to prefer spontaneous adventures and unexpected surprises?

Fact is, that's usually the case.

I've known a few men who were more emotional than the norm and really loved to do things spontaneously. And I've known a few women who were more rational than the norm and preferred everything to be structured and planned out ahead of time and for that plan to be followed to the letter.

But, it's usually the case that men like plans, and women like surprises.

You will even sometimes get a girl alone with you sometimes in some unconventional place where she'd already made up her mind that she was not having sex with you... and then you got her somewhere thrilling and exciting and new, and she thought to herself, you know what, I've never had sex in a Laundromat, so why the heck not?

I'm not a thrill seeker, a hedonist, or an exhibitionist by any extent of the imagination. I don't get off on an audience or on knowing I'm being watched with a girl, and I don't have sex simply for the thrill of having sex. But I've taken girls as lovers on beaches with people watching us and at the tops of waterfalls; in the back seats of cars in crowded areas, naked on balconies where half the city could see us, and in rooms with a bunch of other people sleeping, partying, or having sex themselves.

Why the weird sex logistics, if I'm not naturally inclined to these? Because it's easier, and because women love it.

And not just the thrill-seeking women. Shy women will seem to panic and be nervous, and tell you, trembling but thrilling at the same time: "Oh no! We couldn't! People will see!" But once you start escalating with them, they turn from kittens to killers, and the sex is often very passionate (if not always comfortable... depends on the environment you're getting intimate in).

You will never find it easier to sleep with a girl than when you're doing so in unconventional places and in unconventional ways.

But there are a few other benefits, too:

  • When you sleep with girls in unconventional ways, you get around their autopilot and break through the mental filters they use to deny ordinary men sex

  • When you sleep with girls in unconventional ways, you excite them a great deal and give them a chance to do something they've always dreamed of doing but usually never have

  • When you sleep with girls in unconventional ways, you immediately establish yourself in their minds as a powerful, sexual man the likes of which they've only ever encountered few times (if any) before in their lives

  • When you sleep with girls in unconventional ways, you give them a thrilling, exciting, highly memorable sexual experience that they will often cherish for a lifetime, with you responsible for it and right in the middle of it

For these reasons, don't just use unconventional sex logistics with random girls you're picking up, either. Do it with girlfriends. They'll instantly slot you as a far more potent, virile, sexy man than any lover or boyfriend they've had before (except in the rare case they've had a man who gave them more standout, unique sexual experience than you have or will... but unless you're meeting girls in swingers’ circles or who are strippers or porn actresses, it'll be uncommon indeed for you to run into women with experiences like this).


sex logistics

How do you set up an unconventional logistics scenario? There are three (3) things you want going for you when you dive into this:

  1. Seeming spontaneity
  2. Strong leadership / zero hesitation
  3. A smooth transition into the location and into intimacy

Let's have a look at all three.


Seeming Spontaneity

sex logisticsIf you tell a girl, "Hey, later we're going to have sex in the train bathroom, cool?" it just sort of loses its appeal, you know?

You want some of that magic there. And a lot of the magic that there is in physical intimacy in unconventional places comes from the element of surprise and it not being expected.

Women want to think it just happened. As a man, it's your responsibility to make it happen, but not rob your girl of her illusions. Let her pin it all on fate - she wants to. But as you and I both know, fate doesn't make anything "just happen." The man who's taking action does.

This often means you don't tell a girl exactly where you're going, and you never tell her why. A friend of mine is in the habit of meeting girls in nightclubs, getting them worked up and aroused, then pulling them out with him and walking around until they come to a dark, secluded staircase he knows, before pulling them in and having relations with them there. He never tells them, "Let's go have sex in a staircase;" nor does he say, "Hey, there's a really cool dark staircase I know. Want to go see it?" Instead, he just says, "Let's go for a walk." Then, as they're walking along, turned on, flirty, and sexually excited, they simply happen to walk by that dark staircase... and he pulls them inside.


Strong Leadership and Zero Hesitation

When you're taking a woman into an unusual situation for her that she suspects (even though she says she had no idea and it "just happened"... trust me, she knew) that something's about to go down, she'll be paying very close attention to your behavior.

If you're leading strongly but considerately, and self-assuredly without hesitation, she'll be heartened and reassured.

If, however, you are:

  • Not strongly leading
  • Inconsiderately leading
  • Leading in an uncertain manner

... then be prepared to run right smack into a solid brick wall of resistance.

Why? Because women don't want to follow men who don't know what they're doing and don't have much consideration for them into an unfamiliar situation.

She needs to trust you... at least a little bit. Especially with a new girl, remember, you're still somewhat of a stranger, no matter how great that conversation you just had with her was.

Even with a girl you've been seeing a while, there are few turn offs for women bigger than a man unconfident about sex: "Hey, so, do you think we should sneak into this abandoned school and do something, or...?" Much better: "I'm pretty sure there's nobody inside that school building at this time of year. Let's go in."

The other thing that happens when someone can see that you are uncertain or hesitating or inconsiderate is that her own decision making will kick back in and she'll start asking herself if this is what she wants to do or if she should do something else. And if you're not making her feel wonderful with strong, certain, considerate leadership, chances are, she's going to want to do something else.

Lead assuredly, keep her in mind and make sure she's attended to, and don't hesitate, and you'll be fine.


A Smooth Transition to the Place and to Intimacy

Transitions are immensely important all throughout a seduction, of course; and like we talked about in "Emotional Cresting: What It Is and How to Use It," transitioning well and during the right moment emotionally (i.e., before you've reached an emotional height where a girl is going to start crashing in emotions soon after if things aren't progressed to the next stage of a pickup) is instrumental in your seduction's success.

There are two kinds of transitions you'll need to concern yourself with regarding intimacy with unconventional sex logistics:

  1. The transition to the location

  2. The transition to intimacy

Here's how it breaks down for each.


The Transition to Location

The best thing I can say for this is "Be Prepared." That means:

  • Scout the area and know your logistics spots (e.g., is there a hot tub place nearby? A love motel, if you're in a country that has those? A bench in a park that nobody ever goes through at night?)

  • Know how long the walk is from where you'll be to where you want to get to, and know several routes if possible

  • Have any supplies you'll need ready in advance (e.g., for sex on the beach, throw a towel in the trunk of your car; for sex in your car during winter, have the heat on full blast before you get out to try to have as much warmth as possible still in the car when you get back; for sex while out hiking and climbing, bring some hand sanitizer, because trust me, there's nothing worse than trying to put a condom on without your hands because they're both caked in branches, pebbles, and dirt)

Even if you're a naturally spontaneous guy, you'll want to have some groundwork done beforehand... it makes it a lot easier to be spontaneous when you know exactly what you can and cannot easily do.

The transition itself for a lot of these pulls is actually often rather easy. All you've normally got to say is, "Let's go [fill in the blank] in/at/on the [fill in the blank]."

Like:

  • "Let's go chill on the beach."
  • "Let's go for a walk in the park."
  • "Let's warm up in the car."
  • "Let's sneak over here." [into this dark alley]
  • "Let's go to the bathroom."

... and so on and so forth.

Simpler is better than overlong. "Let's go for a walk in the park," beats, "Let's go for a walk in the park and look at the stars," every time because she's more likely to want to go for a walk in the park than she is to want to go for a walk in the park AND look at some stars, too (so you're less likely to get resistance or a mental disconnect).


The Transition to Intimacy

As you no doubt recall from some of the other articles on getting to sex (mentioned most recently in the post on first-date sex), the rule you normally want to follow is kissing a girl within 10 minutes of getting her alone with you in your apartment or hers... maximum. Faster is usually better though, unless she's a little nervous (sometimes, it's better then too).

But how about when you're escalating to intimacy in an unconventional location? Should you still follow the 10-minute kiss rule?

Absolutely not. You need to move to kissing her much sooner.

Most of the time with non-bedroom / domicile sex logistics, you need to start immediately. Examples:

  • In a bathroom, shower, coatroom, broom closet, alleyway, staircase, or other secluded corner where you're standing up with her, you need to press her up against a wall (be careful not to slam her head into it and hurt her... put your hand behind her head) or put her on a counter or raised platform and start kissing her passionately as soon as you get there

sex logistics

  • In a hot tub, pool, jacuzzi, hotel, love motel, or anywhere else you're likely to be sitting / floating, get settled in next to her, look at her, smile, let it linger a moment without a word while the two of you lock eyes, and then start kissing her
  • On a beach, bench, hill, cliff, in your car's backseat, or in or on any other place where the two of you will be lying down, slowly and romantically lower yourself down on top of her to kiss her if she's lying on her back looking up at you or if she's on her side leaning into you. If she's lying facing away from you, cozy up right behind her so that your front is against her back (in the spoon position) and begin to kiss her neck and shoulder

Then, escalate to sex.

If for any reason she won't kiss you on the mouth, don't worry about it, and instead keep kissing her other places, touching her body, and removing her pants.

How much clothing do you need off?

Actually, as little as possible. Just get her pants off or, if she's wearing a skirt, her panties to the side, and enter her that way. This is another way of breaking autopilot - she's accustomed to men wanting to completely disrobe her before they begin sex, since that's what almost every man does.

Be different.

What if you'd really prefer to have sex in a bed?

Unless you are 100% certain that you can absolutely without any doubt whatsoever take her as your lover later in a bed (in other words: never; or, only if she's already your lover), take her whenever you have the best chance to take her. Once you've been intimate somewhere already (that is, you've had sexual intercourse with her... not kissing, oral sex, etc.), it's much easier to get intimate again later in more comfortable environs.

Much of the time though, if you pass up the chance to get intimate with a girl somewhere unconventional because you'd rather have sex with her in a bed later, you may end up never getting that chance. Attraction expires, as you may recall.


Unconventional Sex

Achieving intimacy in unconventional places is often actually a lot easier than it is to get a girl all the way back to your place, keep her in the right mood, and break past her autopilot mental filters to reach the point where the two of you can become lovers. Using logistics on-the-fly allows you to move faster, maintain momentum, and take women you'd otherwise have been unable to take.

Remember, the benefits of unconventional sex logistics are:

  • You blow past women's autopilot and ask them to assess you as an individual

  • You thrill, excite, and titillate women with novel and original experiences for them

  • You establish yourself as a powerful, sexy man unlike few or any of her past lovers

  • You give women sexual experiences they will probably remember for the rest of their lives

... and to pull this off all you need to have is:

  1. Seeming spontaneity
  2. Strong leadership / zero hesitation
  3. A smooth transition into the location and into intimacy

Nail all three of those, and you'll be taking women as lovers in fun, original, unexpected places, giving them thrilling once-in-a-lifetime experiences, and imprinting yourself indelibly in their minds as a man who was truly a potent, fecund, and real man.

Always,
Chase Amante

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Comments

Balla's picture

Auto pilot


So chase how do you get a girl off auto pilot when you go for the approach?
If you open direct won't you be like every other guy who compliments her? Should I just use indirect?

Chase Amante's picture

Autopilot on the Approach

Author

Balla-

Opening is a lot more about your nonverbals / fundamentals than it is about your verbal choice of opener. What you ideally want is that the moment a girl notices you, she thinks, "Wow!" and autopilot is at least jarred, if not snapped off completely.

Anyway, if you're using the style of direct opener we talk about here, you're talking to her slowly and there's some curious conversation before you get to the compliment... by the time you crinkle your nose to tell her what you like about her, she should be hanging onto your words to find out what you have to say and see if she agrees it's a genuine remark.

For more on breaking her out of autopilot on the opener though, also check out the article on pre-opening if you haven't already (or, haven't seen it in a while). That one does a nice job of single-handedly disrupting most girls' autopilots fairly well.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Logistics in unusual places


Maybe a silly question, but what are effective ways when in unusual places to handle the "clean up" after the act ...

Chase Amante's picture

Cleanup

Author

Anon-

I had to stop and think here for a minute. "What cleanup?"

I guess it really comes down to how thorough your cleanup practices are.

On the one hand, there's the guy who's a neat freak and uses extra thick condoms to make sure nothing gets in or out, and carries a bottle of hand sanitizer and wipes with him in his back pocket wherever he goes.

On the other hand, there's guys like Mao Zedong, who, when his doctor told him that he really needed to start washing his genitals, remarked, "I wash my penis in the water of women's vaginas."

If it's your car, you probably want a towel you can throw in the backseat to make sure nothing gets stained if you have felt interiors (although if you have vinyl you can wipe this off pretty easily). Maybe throw some wipes or tissues in the armrest or glove compartment for ready access, too. Condoms, well, I hate telling anyone to litter, but realistically and practically speaking, it's a valid option. If you're worried about the latex's and your sailors' effect on the environment, I suppose you could always take a plastic baggie along with you, throw the used condoms in there, zip it up, and toss it in a waste basket when you go by one later.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Still crack up laughing with your remark


My gosh Chase you are not only a life guru teaching us straight to the point issues but you are funny as hell. A killer combination imposible to beat. Still crack up laughing for the last 10 minutes with "I wash my penis in the water of women's vaginas.".
You are truly THE MAN WHO ROCKS.

Rico Suave

Wallflower I Am Not's picture

Guys, please read this article!!!!!


Ok, I think this article needs to be printed out and handed out to every guy on every corner! :) Damn, why can't more guys think this way? Why do they ask if they can kiss you, etc? JUST DO IT!! Just take a woman and don't worry about it. If she is with you flirting, talking, looking interested - just seal the deal - she will be so relieved and will see you as some hero. Guys became so wishy-washy and sort of feminine these days... women want to be dominated every once in a while (or most of the time :)), they just don't show it!

Frustrated woman :)))

Anonymous's picture

Please do a post on overcoming resistance from religious girls


Great post once again - May I request a piece on overcoming resistance from those chaste, religious types?

Chase Amante's picture

Resistance from Religious Girls

Author

Anon-

I've had a few requests on this one, actually. I honestly couldn't write this myself - I tend to stay away from VERY inexperienced women (too easy to hurt them, and our expectations are too much of a mismatch), and I've never really been around very religious women - we just don't normally have much to relate on.

But, I do have it on the list already and I'll save your comment there too - I'll keep my eyes out for a future writer who has experience in this area.

Chase

Funman's picture

Direct opener vs pedestal


Hey Chase,

I know you teach about direct opener/ compliment etc.
You also talk about not putting girls on a pedestal.

However, when opening direct are you not putting the girl on a pedestal right from the beginning?

Funman

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Direct opener vs pedestal

Author

Funman-

Good question.

Guys who place women on pedestals normally aren't able to carry out smooth, confidently spoken, strong openers. Even walking up to a woman and telling her, "You're amazing beautiful. I'm Funman," in a confident voice tone with strong eye contact drips experience and strength to women, and they know you don't pedestalize them because the men for whom they really are a big deal cannot do this.

The man who pedestalizes a woman doesn't tell her in a confident way that she's beautiful. Instead, he says something in a timid voice tone that's more like, "Hi.... you're really pretty. I'm Liam." Even that - if you said it in a silly way that was clearly designed to make fun of unconfident men - would communicate to her that you DON'T think she's anything all that special compared to all the other women she knows you must've talked to to get to the point you can come in that smoothly and confidently.

A man being able to walk up to a woman, make strong eye contact, and then tell her what she is without shaking or trembling in his boots gives her all the communication she needs about whether he has her on a pedestal or not, no matter what his words are.

Chase

Chief's picture

Transition to Location


I totally agree. Knowing and planning your logistics ahead of time (how you're going to transition to WHERE you can have sex) is SO important and so many guys just go in blindly just hoping for the best! Failing to plan is planning to fail.

Brian Tracy says that one of the top reasons someone doesn't get rich is that they haven't accepted that they CAN get rich and pursue their goal with the end in mind. The same rule applies to most guys who don't get laid - they haven't accepted that they CAN get laid so they don't pursue the lay with the actual lay in mind!

Chase Amante's picture

Not Having a Destination

Author

Great point here, Chief. Most newer guys go out just to talk to girls and try to get them to "like" them... which is fine, for a while, I suppose. Once a guy's built up a base level of ability with women though, and he's comfortable enough meeting them, it's time to up the ante and start picking end points he's targeting for his night... rather than just aimlessly trying to get girls to like him "more."

Chase

Unsatisfied College Girl 's picture

Boyfriend...


Hi Chase:

How do I politely tell my boyfriend to study this website like his life depends on it? Would it be wrong to somehow "accidentally" leave this webpage open on this computer? As a male, do you think it would just frustrate him and make him give up?

Help, please!

Anonymous's picture

getting him going


I can get a man going by texting him how much i want him and what i want to do to him, I tease him in every way possible, while he's working i text "i wish i could walk up right now and unzip your pants and put you into my mouth, or....I want to watch you masturbate while you watch me......a very good turn on.....or.....i want you to be able to watch your cock go in and out of me seeing yourself all wet from my pussy...and i have more.

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