In "Book Excerpts: Get Girls in Bed (Without a Bed)," I mention a number of different places you can escalate to intimacy with women without being in bed at your home or her home, and a few of the details on doing so. However, guys have continued to ask about how exactly to pull this off... which I understand. If you've never taken a girl anywhere other than your bedchambers, taking her on a bench or a back alley somewhere can feel rather daunting.
You may also even wonder that one thing many a man who's never done something yet with a woman will wonder: "Is she even going to go for this?"
Well, if that sounds like you, then fret no more, for this article is all about answering how to handle those outré sex logistics problems: how do you "get her to agree" to "weird" logistics for sex, how do you set the mood, and how do you actually, you know, physically do it?
Well, yes, of course, but she doesn't need to sign a damn contract with you or even necessarily need to verbally consent ("Oh, you want to have sex on the grass? Okay, I agree!").
This is one of the things men inexperienced with physically escalating with women in unconventional locations often stumble on, and often ask about. "How do you get her to agree to have sex with you there?" they'll ask, making it sound like sex is some kind of complex, rational negotiation between two deadlocked parties.
It isn't. It's a joint, mutual decision between two parties emotionally and viscerally interested in mating with one another.
And, just like sex in your bedroom or hers, you must treat it as such.
A bad salesman asks you if you want to buy. A good salesman simply knows you do (or assumes you do if he's at that point in his process), and simply keeps moving things forward toward closing the sale, until you either buy or back out.
Why? Because if you're already ready to say "yes" but someone starts asking you if you want to say "yes" or "no," that person communicates that he doesn't get you and doesn't relate to you, nuking your ability to relate to him.
Obviously, if a woman says "no" or "stop," then stop. But if she's interested, if she's excited, and if she's moving forward with you as you move forward with her, that's all the agreement you really need - you don't need a letter of intent to copulate from her attorney. She wants you to take her as your lover; just take her.
Sex Logistics: Breaking Her Out of Autopilot
One of the pieces in the email autoresponder when you sign up to receive the newsletter here is on breaking women out of autopilot. That is, shattering a woman's normal patterns of dealing with men - the ones she doesn't even have to think about, because she just does them over and over again.
Guy walks up to hit on her? Reject him. Doesn't matter who he is or what he started to say, that isn't even considered. It's an automatic response.
Guy asks her, "Can I get your number?" Panic, obfuscation, and refusal. Even if he'd been the most charming man in the world up until that point, she's heard this weak, needy statement from so many unattractive men that it immediately raises alarm bells and she writes him off without a thought.
Guy starts kissing her on a date or in a bar or club, then invites her home? Panic, obfuscation, and refusal. She's been here before... she knows what this means. Kissing outside, and then an invitation back - that's an invite for sex. But is this a guy she wants to have sex with? Is she 100% sure? If not, just say "no" - it's easy to do.
Everybody uses autopilot. It's a more efficient way of thinking and filtering for people. That way, instead of them having to mentally process every new thing they encounter, they can just throw it through the mental filter and let that deal with it. "Yes," "no," "no," "no," "yes," "no," "yes," "yes"... etc. Autopilot is your and her mental assembly line for decision making.
That's why I tell guys to break patterns and do things differently as often as possible. The more you're doing things in ways that she's never seen or experienced before, the less likely you are to get snagged in a mental filter she's constructed and the more likely you are to be able to move things forward with her.
If she likes you... if she's at least somewhat excited about you, or she's logically decided in your favor... at that point, all you need to do is not get caught in a filter and you're home free.
And, just like with everything else, learning how to get a girl in bed in unconventional ways breaks patterns and ups your odds of success, too.
The Thrill of the Unexpected
Generally speaking, the less emotional a being you are, the more
logical you are, and the more comfortable you are following orderly,
structured, well-thought-out plans and schedules and the more you hate
chaos and spontaneity.
And, the more emotional a being you are, the less logical you are, and the more comfortable you are with chaotic, loose, spontaneous decisions and impromptu adventures and the more you hate order and structure.
Well, wouldn't it surprise you to know that men, the less emotional sex, tend to prefer plans and order, while women, the more emotional sex, tend to prefer spontaneous adventures and unexpected surprises?
Fact is, that's usually the case.
I've known a few men who were more emotional than the norm and really loved to do things spontaneously. And I've known a few women who were more rational than the norm and preferred everything to be structured and planned out ahead of time and for that plan to be followed to the letter.
But, it's usually the case that men like plans, and women like surprises.
You will even sometimes get a girl alone with you sometimes in some unconventional place where she'd already made up her mind that she was not having sex with you... and then you got her somewhere thrilling and exciting and new, and she thought to herself, you know what, I've never had sex in a Laundromat, so why the heck not?
I'm not a thrill seeker, a hedonist, or an exhibitionist by any extent of the imagination. I don't get off on an audience or on knowing I'm being watched with a girl, and I don't have sex simply for the thrill of having sex. But I've taken girls as lovers on beaches with people watching us and at the tops of waterfalls; in the back seats of cars in crowded areas, naked on balconies where half the city could see us, and in rooms with a bunch of other people sleeping, partying, or having sex themselves.
Why the weird sex logistics, if I'm not naturally inclined to these?
Because it's easier, and because women love it.
And not just the thrill-seeking women. Shy women will seem to panic
and be nervous, and tell you, trembling but thrilling at the same time:
"Oh no! We couldn't! People will see!"
But once you start escalating with them, they turn from kittens to
killers, and the sex is often very passionate (if not always
comfortable... depends on the environment you're getting intimate in).
You will never find it easier to sleep with a girl than when you're doing so in unconventional places and in unconventional ways.
But there are a few other benefits, too:
When you sleep with girls in unconventional ways, you get around their autopilot and break through the mental filters they use to deny ordinary men sex
When you sleep with girls in unconventional ways, you excite them a great deal and give them a chance to do something they've always dreamed of doing but usually never have
When you sleep with girls in unconventional ways, you immediately establish yourself in their minds as a powerful, sexual man the likes of which they've only ever encountered few times (if any) before in their lives
When you sleep with girls in unconventional ways, you give them a thrilling, exciting, highly memorable sexual experience that they will often cherish for a lifetime, with you responsible for it and right in the middle of it
For these reasons, don't just use unconventional sex logistics with random girls you're picking up, either. Do it with girlfriends. They'll instantly slot you as a far more potent, virile, sexy man than any lover or boyfriend they've had before (except in the rare case they've had a man who gave them more standout, unique sexual experience than you have or will... but unless you're meeting girls in swingers’ circles or who are strippers or porn actresses, it'll be uncommon indeed for you to run into women with experiences like this).
How do you set up an unconventional logistics scenario? There are three (3) things you want going for you when you dive into this:
- Seeming spontaneity
- Strong leadership / zero hesitation
- A smooth transition into the location and into intimacy
Let's have a look at all three.
If you tell a girl, "Hey, later we're going to have sex in the train bathroom, cool?" it just sort of loses its appeal, you know?
You want some of that magic there. And a lot of the magic that there is in physical intimacy in unconventional places comes from the element of surprise and it not being expected.
Women want to think it just happened. As a man, it's your responsibility to make it happen, but not rob your girl of her illusions. Let her pin it all on fate - she wants to. But as you and I both know, fate doesn't make anything "just happen." The man who's taking action does.
This often means you don't tell a girl exactly where you're going, and you never tell her why. A friend of mine is in the habit of meeting girls in nightclubs, getting them worked up and aroused, then pulling them out with him and walking around until they come to a dark, secluded staircase he knows, before pulling them in and having relations with them there. He never tells them, "Let's go have sex in a staircase;" nor does he say, "Hey, there's a really cool dark staircase I know. Want to go see it?" Instead, he just says, "Let's go for a walk." Then, as they're walking along, turned on, flirty, and sexually excited, they simply happen to walk by that dark staircase... and he pulls them inside.
Strong Leadership and Zero Hesitation
When you're taking a woman into an unusual situation for her that she suspects (even though she says she had no idea and it "just happened"... trust me, she knew) that something's about to go down, she'll be paying very close attention to your behavior.
If you're leading strongly but considerately, and self-assuredly without hesitation, she'll be heartened and reassured.
If, however, you are:
- Not strongly leading
- Inconsiderately leading
- Leading in an uncertain manner
... then be prepared to run right smack into a solid brick wall of resistance.
Why? Because women don't want to follow men who don't know what they're doing and don't have much consideration for them into an unfamiliar situation.
She needs to trust you...
at least a little bit. Especially with a new girl, remember, you're
still somewhat of a stranger, no matter how great that conversation you
just had with her was.
Even with a girl you've been seeing a while, there are few turn offs for women bigger than a man unconfident about sex: "Hey, so, do you think we should sneak into this abandoned school and do something, or...?" Much better: "I'm pretty sure there's nobody inside that school building at this time of year. Let's go in."
The other thing that happens when someone can see that you are uncertain or hesitating or inconsiderate is that her own decision making will kick back in and she'll start asking herself if this is what she wants to do or if she should do something else. And if you're not making her feel wonderful with strong, certain, considerate leadership, chances are, she's going to want to do something else.
Lead assuredly, keep her in mind and make sure she's attended to, and don't hesitate, and you'll be fine.
A Smooth Transition to the Place and to Intimacy
Transitions are immensely important all throughout a seduction, of course; and like we talked about in "Emotional Cresting: What It Is and How to Use It," transitioning well and during the right moment emotionally (i.e., before you've reached an emotional height where a girl is going to start crashing in emotions soon after if things aren't progressed to the next stage of a pickup) is instrumental in your seduction's success.
There are two kinds of transitions you'll need to concern yourself with regarding intimacy with unconventional sex logistics:
The transition to the location
The transition to intimacy
Here's how it breaks down for each.
The Transition to Location
The best thing I can say for this is "Be Prepared." That means:
Scout the area and know your logistics spots (e.g., is there a hot tub place nearby? A love motel, if you're in a country that has those? A bench in a park that nobody ever goes through at night?)
Know how long the walk is from where you'll be to where you want to get to, and know several routes if possible
Have any supplies you'll need ready in advance (e.g., for sex on the beach, throw a towel in the trunk of your car; for sex in your car during winter, have the heat on full blast before you get out to try to have as much warmth as possible still in the car when you get back; for sex while out hiking and climbing, bring some hand sanitizer, because trust me, there's nothing worse than trying to put a condom on without your hands because they're both caked in branches, pebbles, and dirt)
Even if you're a naturally spontaneous guy, you'll want to have some groundwork done beforehand... it makes it a lot easier to be spontaneous when you know exactly what you can and cannot easily do.
The transition itself for a lot of these pulls is actually often rather easy. All you've normally got to say is, "Let's go [fill in the blank] in/at/on the [fill in the blank]."
- "Let's go chill on the beach."
- "Let's go for a walk in the park."
- "Let's warm up in the car."
- "Let's sneak over here." [into this dark alley]
- "Let's go to the bathroom."
... and so on and so forth.
Simpler is better than overlong. "Let's go for a walk in the park," beats, "Let's go for a walk in the park and look at the stars," every time because she's more likely to want to go for a walk in the park than she is to want to go for a walk in the park AND look at some stars, too (so you're less likely to get resistance or a mental disconnect).
The Transition to Intimacy
As you no doubt recall from some of the other articles on getting to sex (mentioned most recently in the post on first-date sex), the rule you normally want to follow is kissing a girl within 10 minutes of getting her alone with you in your apartment or hers... maximum. Faster is usually better though, unless she's a little nervous (sometimes, it's better then too).
But how about when you're escalating to intimacy in an unconventional location? Should you still follow the 10-minute kiss rule?
Absolutely not. You need to move to kissing her much sooner.
Most of the time with non-bedroom / domicile sex logistics, you need to start immediately. Examples:
In a bathroom, shower, coatroom, broom closet, alleyway, staircase, or other secluded corner where you're standing up with her, you need to press her up against a wall (be careful not to slam her head into it and hurt her... put your hand behind her head) or put her on a counter or raised platform and start kissing her passionately as soon as you get there
- In a hot tub, pool, jacuzzi, hotel, love motel, or anywhere else
you're likely to be sitting / floating, get settled in next to her,
look at her, smile, let it linger a moment without a word while the two
of you lock eyes, and then start kissing her
On a beach, bench, hill, cliff, in your car's backseat, or in or on any other place where the two of you will be lying down, slowly and romantically lower yourself down on top of her to kiss her if she's lying on her back looking up at you or if she's on her side leaning into you. If she's lying facing away from you, cozy up right behind her so that your front is against her back (in the spoon position) and begin to kiss her neck and shoulder
Then, escalate to sex.
If for any reason she won't kiss you on the mouth, don't worry about it, and instead keep kissing her other places, touching her body, and removing her pants.
How much clothing do you need off?
Actually, as little as possible. Just get her pants off or, if she's wearing a skirt, her panties to the side, and enter her that way. This is another way of breaking autopilot - she's accustomed to men wanting to completely disrobe her before they begin sex, since that's what almost every man does.
What if you'd really prefer to have sex in a bed?
Unless you are 100% certain that you can absolutely without any doubt whatsoever take her as your lover later in a bed (in other words: never; or, only if she's already your lover), take her whenever you have the best chance to take her. Once you've been intimate somewhere already (that is, you've had sexual intercourse with her... not kissing, oral sex, etc.), it's much easier to get intimate again later in more comfortable environs.
Much of the time though, if you pass up the chance to get intimate with a girl somewhere unconventional because you'd rather have sex with her in a bed later, you may end up never getting that chance. Attraction expires, as you may recall.
Achieving intimacy in unconventional places is often actually a lot easier than it is to get a girl all the way back to your place, keep her in the right mood, and break past her autopilot mental filters to reach the point where the two of you can become lovers. Using logistics on-the-fly allows you to move faster, maintain momentum, and take women you'd otherwise have been unable to take.
Remember, the benefits of unconventional sex logistics are:
You blow past women's autopilot and ask them to assess you as an individual
You thrill, excite, and titillate women with novel and original experiences for them
You establish yourself as a powerful, sexy man unlike few or any of her past lovers
You give women sexual experiences they will probably remember for the rest of their lives
... and to pull this off all you need to have is:
- Seeming spontaneity
- Strong leadership / zero hesitation
- A smooth transition into the location and into intimacy
Nail all three of those, and you'll be taking women as lovers in fun, original, unexpected places, giving them thrilling once-in-a-lifetime experiences, and imprinting yourself indelibly in their minds as a man who was truly a potent, fecund, and real man.