Women Love Sexist Men


women love sexistsOne of the things you realize when you first start flirting with women more and more is that many of these things you’d previously assumed were bad to say because women would find them ‘offensive’ actually turn out to win you points with girls.

You tease a woman about how all women care about is gossiping and backstabbing, and she laughs and punches you in the shoulder.

You have a girl who’s on the fence about going along or not with something you’ve invited her to, and you bullishly insist, like the asshole bad boy you are (or are trying to be), and she relents and goes along with it... and immediately, you notice a big spike in her attraction to you.

She asks you if you believe in equality in relationships, and becomes submissive and affectionate after you tell her you find it impossible to buy into that nonsense, because the fact is that men are men and women are women and relationships work better when each accepts their roles and lives up to them.

All these things are things that shouldn’t happen, you’d think, if you’ve spent much time consuming the media on TV or the Internet or you’ve spent a lot of time listening to what women say they want.

Yet, they happen anyway.


women love sexists

The term “sexist” has been used as a weapon for a few decades by women seeking to get concessions out of men. It’s shaming language that employs moral superiority to confuse an opponent and instill fear of ostracism in him, frequently leading him to back down and go on the defensive or make peace offerings.

In other words, labeling someone a “sexist” is a pretty useful way to get them to do or give you whatever you want.

I haven’t been hearing the term as much lately, perhaps because it’s jumped the shark. Nowadays, someone crying, “That’s sexist!” is as likely to receive scathing derision for moaning and whining as she is to spy a battalion of white knights riding valiantly to her defense.

Crying “sexist”, too, is a clear sign of victim mentality, and lately our culture has been so awash in victim mentality that the patience of most of society seems to be wearing very thin for this.

Now that everyone is a victim (really... find me someone in the West who doesn’t see him or herself as a victim in some way these days; it’s endemic in Western society), victims no longer get the special treatment and privileges they have been afforded in spades the last 50 or so years.

Let’s return to the term “sexist.”

“Sexist” doesn’t just mean someone who hates or dislikes the opposite sex, you may not realize.

The term “sexist” more generally gets used to mean anyone who sees the roles of the sexes in society as being different.

If you think men and women have different roles in a relationship, you’re sexist.

If you think men and women have different natural interests, you’re sexist.

If you think men and women have different skills and capabilities, you’re sexist.

And now, the latest research on sexism is that women like sexist men BEST.


How Sexy are Sexist Men?

From the journal Sex Roles comes this 2010 study, titled “How Sexy are Sexist Men? Women’s Perception of Male Response Profiles in the Ambivalent Sexism Inventory”:

In Studies 1 to 3, German female students (total N = 326) rated the likability and typicality of male targets: a nonsexist, a benevolent sexist, a hostile sexist, and (in Studies 2 and 3) an ambivalent sexist. When targets were presented as response profiles in the Ambivalent Sexism Inventory (Glick and Fiske 1996) (Studies 2 and 3), the benevolent sexist was rated to be most likable but least typical, whereas the ambivalent sexist was rated to be highly typical. Thus, women were aware of a link between benevolent and hostile sexism and approved of men’s benevolent sexism, especially when it was not paired with hostile sexism. Likability ratings were moderated by participants’ own benevolent sexism and feminist attitude.

Unfamiliar with the terms “benevolent sexist” and “hostile sexist”, I had to do some digging to find out what they mean. Here are the definitions for both of these, plus “nonsexist”:

  1. Nonsexist: someone who is totally gender neutral; sees no real differences between men and women; men and women are essentially the same, with only minimal external biological differences. Believes most differences in behavior are a result of socialization and cultural / environmental factors; a nonsexist is a “any sex differences are all nurture and no nature” kind of guy. The nonsexist is the guy we’d normally call a boring, unsexy nice guy on this site.

  2. Benevolent Sexist: one half of the “ambivalent sexism” theoretical framework (Wikipedia link there if you’re curious), which holds that all forms of sexism are bad but some are worse than others. Benevolent sexism is the “nice” half of sexism that involves things like white knighting, elevation of women’s maternal instincts, putting forth that men ought to be gentlemen, etc. The benevolent sexist is more or less what we focus on helping you to be on Girls Chase, sans the over-the-top white knightery angry nice guy stuff.

  3. Hostile Sexist: the other half of ambivalent sexism is the hostile sexist, who has blatantly negative beliefs about the opposite sex; e.g., “All men are chauvinist pigs” or “Women are all unoriginal copycats.” The hostile sexist is the bitter man we strongly advise you not be here.

An easy way of distinguishing these is that the benevolent sexist looks on caringly at members of the opposite sex and enjoys the differences; the hostile sexist glares at the opposite sex and resents the differences; and the nonsexist is kind of off in his own gender neutral mental utopia and doesn’t really register any of the differences.

The interesting results from this study of female German students’ opinions of the various sorts of men were:

  • Hostile sexist: rated as the least likeable, least sexually attractive, and most common of all varieties of men

  • Nonsexist: rated as much more likeable, a fair bit more sexually attractive, and slightly less common than the hostile sexist

  • Benevolent sexist: rated as significantly more likeable and sexually attractive than either the hostile sexist or the nonsexist, and a good chunk rarer, too

women love sexists

So, at this point, we now have some research to back up what we’ve been saying here for years: women much prefer masculine men who treat them like feminine women to equality-minded nice guys... and prefer BOTH types of men to BITTER men who dislike women.

Still worth discussing though, is the link between “hostile” and “benevolent” sexism... and what it means.


Tools of Repression?

One of the unusual things you’ll encounter reading about sexism frameworks is the belief by the individuals proposing these that sexism is a means of repression, used by both men and women, frequently unconsciously but sometimes consciously, mostly against women.

This line of thinking is centered on the assumption that the male lifestyle is the ideal lifestyle for both sexes, and that women have been cheated of the opportunity to live and do the same things as men by systematic repression on a global scale.

That would assume, of course, that what women REALLY want is to conquer the world, lead armies, invent new technologies and branches of science, explore the deepest depths of the oceans and the farthest reaches of space, and build themselves legendary businesses that earn them billions of dollars, all, ultimately, in search of prestige, contribution to the species, and more mating opportunities with hot young opposite sex partners than you can shake a stick at.

Which... well, just about every man slobbers over something like that, but it just doesn’t really do it for most women (though there are a few! Typically very high in testosterone, however, in my experience).

So, reading about this whole “sexism as tool of repression” thing strikes me quite distinctly as bunk... especially in light of the fact that as “sexist repression” has been beaten back in the West and we’ve moved toward an increasingly nonsexist society, the bottom’s fallen out from women’s happiness levels, and these keep going lower and lower.

Thus, try not to get your feathers in a ruffle too much reading this stuff – it’s produced interesting results for us here in terms of what women find more attractive, regardless of the fact that the framework is designed to understand a problem that doesn’t really seem to exist.


women love sexists

Back to that research.

So, what’s the link between “hostile sexism” and “benevolent sexism”... and why do women prefer the one above all else, and despise the other more than any thing else?

Well, the answers to both questions are simpler than you might think.


The Missing Link

The link between hostile and benevolent sexism is the fact that you must perceive a difference between the two sexes to hold either a hostile or a benevolent view of the opposite sex.

You must say, “Women are different from myself and other men,” before you can say, “... and that makes women AMAZING!” or before you can say, “... which is why women are such TERRIBLE EVIL CREATURES!”

In this way, the benevolent and hostile sexists are alike, when compared to nonsexists in any event. The nonsexist looks at men, then looks at women, and comes back saying, “They look pretty much the same to me! Yep, all people – and all the same wants, needs, desires, preferences, and emotions. Pretty much all the same.”

The first part – that “seeing a difference” – is the part that sexism researchers don’t like. They view seeing differences as “bad” and something that leads to repression. We should all hold hands and sing Kum Ba Yah... but of course, humans are relentless stereotypers and categorizers by nature, and when you fight against nature, well, you know who wins in the end.

Anyway, what causes the difference in attitudes between the sexists (of either variety) and the nonsexists? My suspicion is sex drive.

I can’t say I’ve met a lot of nonsexist men – I’m not really sure where they hang out, or how they spend their time – but I get the impression from the handful I’ve met that the majority of them don’t have very high sex drives.

Of course, there’s always the outlier – the hypersexual guy, frequently bisexual, who enjoys having sex with everything that moves. This guy also tends to be nonsexist, mostly because EVERYTHING is a sexual option for him... and he doesn’t get too caught up on the details of the various different roles one sex or another ought to be performing.

Most straight men with normal to high sex drives seem to end up hostile or benevolent sexists more or less automatically though – probably because they focus so much of their attention on women, getting women, or not getting women, that they inevitably must pay attention to the differences, and then either come to feel quite warmly toward women (if they’ve had good experiences), or quite bitterly (if they’ve had bad ones).


Why the Difference in Tastes?

So why’s a benevolent sexist so damn SEXY to women (not to mention likeable), while also the rarest of the bunch...

... while a hostile sexist is so very UNsexy to women, unlikeable, and so eminently commonplace?

It comes back to my friend Jesse’s hierarchy of people we discussed in “What’s Wrong with Dating in America (and Much of the West)”: that a select few men, who’ve either been very lucky or have worked relentlessly hard, sit at the top of the pyramid, lusted after and pursued by pretty girls, with a much broader stack of pretty girls beneath them all competing for the comparatively rare outlier men...

... and meanwhile, an even GREATER number of Average Joes sits beneath the pretty girl tier, all of those Joes longing for and competing for pretty girls, but usually not getting them.

Needless to say, the minority of men at the top of the mating pyramid will tend to have pretty warm views of women, while the majority of men at the bottom of the mating pyramid will usually have pretty chilly views of them.

women love sexists

And that’s entirely reliant on those men’s past experiences; the guys who’ve gotten laid a lot, been chased after, and been pined for by hordes of pretty girls will usually feel quite good about pretty girls, and the guys who’ve been rejected over and over, ignored, and insulted by pretty girls will tend to feel pretty bitter toward women.

That’s not ALL of them. Occasionally you’ll find a guy who maybe does great with women now, but didn’t used to, and he still carries around old wounds and looks down on women; or, you’ll find a guy who’s never had much success with women, but maybe he had a really great relationship with his mother or other female relatives or friends, and so despite his lack of success he still thinks warmly of women.

Either way, the guys who like women end up as benevolent sexists, looking out for women, caring about them, and wanting to see them happy, while the guys who’re bitter toward women just want to show them up or get even with them.

And women can sense those dispositions miles away.

And when they pick up on them, it tells them something crucial:

  • This man – the man who loves women – has clearly had good experiences with women. That means women like him, find him attractive, date him, sleep with him, and choose him. Therefore, he’s preselected; therefore, he’s a good, solid bet as both a short-term and a long-term mate.

  • While on the other hand, THAT man – the man bitter toward women – has clearly had bad experiences with women. This means women dislike him, find him unattractive, don’t date him, don’t sleep with him, and don’t choose him. Therefore, he’s anti-preselected; therefore, he’s a bad, crummy bet as either a short- or a long-term mate.

Being a benevolent sexist, in other words, is a way of telling women, “I am among the top of the top when it comes to mating success with women,” while being a hostile sexist is a way of saying, “I’m in that big pile at the bottom of men whom women just don’t want.”


The Darn Sexy Sexist

A man’s emotion toward women is his way of showing his true colors – the successful man loves them, while the failure of a man resents them, and women, longing for successful men as they do, run towards the men advertising their success, and away from the ones advertising their failure.

Nothing you didn’t already know if you’ve been following this site for a while, but this is some fun extra research and a slightly different take on the “lover of women” vs. “bitter man” vs. “boring nice guy” discussion... flavored with a little bit of sexism.

The big takeaway here is, don’t take it too hard if somebody calls you “sexist”... she might just be telling you you’re in the top echelon of most attractive men to women.

Not so bad a place to be in the end, eh?

Chase

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Comments

Waleed's picture

Dating in Pakistan


Hi Chase,
I really liked the article. In fact i have been following this site for a long time and it has definitely changed the way i look and interact with women. But i am still having problems dating in Pakistan as it is a highly conservative society due to religious obligations. Could you please give some advice for dating in a religiously influenced culture like in Pakistan. Thanks. Keep posting great stuff, you are helping people here.

David Riley's picture

Noted


Hey Waleed,

I'll see if Chase or any of the other authors could give some input on this comment in a future article.

Just Dave

African boyo's picture

womens goals


You mentioned the goal of most mem to conquer and have sex with younger girls....what in your opinion the true and real ultimate goal of the female species

Danny's picture

Security Blanket and Social Elevator


Women's ultimate goal as female species in friendship is to use it as Security Blanket and Social Elevator. This is why u see so many women try to lock men into the "Friend Zone" without giving them sex.

This is also why u see in women's friendship they compliment each other all the time such as:

Girl A: OMG!! I really like your nail. They are so gorgeous
Girl B: "Love you, honey. I like your skirt too!! It makes u look so cute and classy

Something like that.....if u pay attention and observe u will noticed it, I guarantee!

aonsilver's picture

Man , I need advise. How can


Man , I need advise.
How can I improve my smile and facial expressions? I try to follow your
instructions but it just looks weird. I think it is the form of my
eyes ; I have droopy eyelids, making me look older or bored.
when I smile with theses eyes, it just looks so not sexy.
Am I trying for nothing? Cause its useless trying out something
that works only on beautiful faces. I've got an ugly
face: quite big lips with no nice definition (which makes my smile ugly), no sexy eyes.
Man, if you've seen people with non beautiful faces succeed in making sexy facial expressions, let me know.
Cause I feel like giving up hope of one day making sexy facial expressions or a sexy smile. But as strange as this can sound, I
can make the "intense look" quite well, but that's only one.
Chase, just ell me if I should keep on trying or just let it go.

David Riley's picture

Keep Going


Everybody is self conscious and "ugly" guys do end up with get pretty girls. Not because of their looks or money but because they accept their flaws. They know that they're not perfect. They say to themselves, "Hey, I'm not the best looking guy but I'm just going to talk to this woman anyway." He succeeds because he isn't worried about rejection. He knows that if he doesn't try he's only failing himself. He doesn't get discouraged he just finds every reason every day to keep going. He wants to better himself and isn't going to let anything or anyone hold him back.

Take care,

Just Dave

aonsilver's picture

Chase, in one of your post


Chase, in one of your post (I think its the one
where you said you had lost a backup dancer of Beyoncé) and in this list
of the girls you lost, you mentioned that one of the girls thought you
were the sexiest man alive ( something like that...).
How did you achieve that, bro? before being called like that, there must have
been some work behind it, right? please give me the name of the article I
told you about, just want to review it though this Beyoncé thing was just
a small part of it but still it really stayed in my head. ( man, a backup
dancer of Beyoncé...)

David Riley's picture

Here ya go


Hey Aonsilver,

Here's the article

http://www.girlschase.com/content/date-a-model

Take care,

Just Dave

Anonymous's picture

Great article!


Great article Chase!

It's interesting to consider that this paradigm seems to go both ways - in my experience, the most hostile feminists tend to be women who aren't so attractive and who have had bad experiences with men.

Malefactor's picture

Blind Dates


Hi Chase,

It would be great if you could post an article about blind dates. I am in china at present and here the people use WeChat a lot. So, i am always getting friends request through it. I have never been on a date using WeChat or FaceBook, but i am thinking why not give it a try. Any Idea how to make sex happen after the Blind date? I am clueless about this thing as there are so many things to consider.

Looking forward to your reply.

Malefactor.

David Riley's picture

Noted


Hey Malefactor,

I'll pass this unto Chase and the other authors.

Just Dave

90210's picture

Chase, could you possibly


Chase, could you possibly explain how
to be hypnotic? Not hypnotic like controlling people's minds but
more hypnotic in the way girls love it.
I tried to figure it out and concluded that I need
to work on my voice and eye contact but I guess there's more.
Maybe you could write an article on it (would be a great one)
Cheers bro!

David Riley's picture

Noted and Here's a Link


Hey 90210,

Here's an article dealing with empathy that address hypnotizing in a way.

http://www.girlschase.com/content/brain-hacks-how-learn-empathy

I'll make a note to the writers about a potential article. You're on the right track about the sexy smile and eye contact. It drives women nuts and you'll become so much more attractive to them when you get it down.

Take care,

Just Dave

Dylan George's picture

Disappointed


Call me what you like,

I'm disappointed in this article. I know what you mean, however I'm afraid a lot of your readers won't.

Do you not think 'be sexist' will be taken the wrong way?

I've seen enough terrified and crying women to ever encourage objectifying women. Not everyone has the ability like you to pull it off.

Those who don't will upset a lot of people. Creating more guarded women for us to crack.

It's a vicious cycle.

Kingmvker's picture

Victim of Feminisation


I, like you, did not agree with everything in this article but for the most part i did.

However, i take objection to you first of all using the term 'objectifying' clearly regurgitating the same nonsense some of these feminists advertise.

Objectifying women is never wrong, its natural, and as such its a recognition that women are sexual beings . The very fact that you and i are alive is due to the fact that your father objectified your mother sexually. Could you imagine where our species would be if men didn't objectify women as nature intended?

Moral of the story is, objectifying is perfectly okay when done respectfully, by that i mean don't approach a woman you find attractive and say something crass like 'want to suck my penis?''

I suggest you change your inner game towards women and to start seeing women as sexual beings and they'll start seeing you as a sexual man.

David Riley's picture

Women are sexual creatures


Here's the thing women love it when men are being men. The real versions of men and not the scared and afraid to assault men we have in society today. Women love it when a man is rough and rugged and know and enjoys the fact that women love sex. Women don't want to be suppressed sexually. As a matter of fact women hate it. They want to be able to have a lot of sex without being judged. They're tired of hearing it's not lady like. Women want to be viewed as sexual creatures. They want to flaunt their sexiness around as much as much do without being labeled a slut.

Driver's picture

Nice Article Chase


Another great perspective. Really loved the article, and how you pinned down the underlying difference between benevolent "sexists" and the hostile type.

I especially liked that you included the fact the women are generally more miserable now with a non-sexist society. Unfortunately, I think this is the feminist's fault for pushing for it, but also men's fault for not thinking their way through the bull.

You mean women don't want to fight in the UFC?! Chase I think you're going off the deep end here. ;)

A while back you mentioned in a day game article I think, that there was a way of having multiple girlfriends, but still have them be exclusive with you. I was wondering if you would consider writing about that. I would be very interested in hearing what you have to say on that, and would greatly appreciate the information. Thanks.

David Riley's picture

Dating Multiple Women article


Here's a link to an article covering that.

http://www.girlschase.com/content/how-date-multiple-women-zero-drama

Just Dave

jj123's picture

Having their Cake (at your expense) and Eating it, too


Chase,

Since your above-post concerns benevolent sexism, which can segue into paternalism, and given some of your other views on traditions and the sexes today, I am wondering:

Let's say a woman INSISTS -- and I mean rigidly -- that because she's a female with a womb and a whole different set of traits than guys, and because of various TRADITIONS, that you, the guy, pay for all (or at least most) dating and social expenses in a relationship (of course, otherwise she's 'equal!'). Now I've read, many times, your (im)famous post on (not) paying for dates -- guys who do so essentially become provider category chumps and rarely get laid. I'd also add how SEXIST it is against men, especially with old male privilege pretty much out the window in most of the West. But this kind of woman won't compromise, because "you're the guy, it's your job," and she likely overrates her attractiveness as it is.

Precisely, what do you say to her?

David Riley's picture

Bad Precedents


You don't give into her frame. A man isn't afraid to lose a woman because he doesn't fall into her program. Rather he insists that she follow his program. In the beginning of the meeting a girl, you set the frame that she's not on a pedestal. When a women asks you to buy her stuff because you're the man. Challenge her . . . ask her why?

Me: "Why do you say that?"
Girl: "That's how it's supposed to be."
Me: "According to who?"
Girl: "Um society?"
Me: "Hmm...the same society you don't agree with at times. Look let's just get to know each other and have fun and see where it goes."

Another way out of these is to not take a women on an expensive first date where she expects you to pay. That's a death sentence. Let a woman know in the beginning that you won't be paying. If she doesn't like it she can leave.

Anonymous's picture

Rejected Kiss even if attracted


Hi,
so this girl really fell in love with me and has been chasing me for a while.
We live many kms apart, when I told her I was coming to her city she was super excited.
Before we met she was extremely nervous texting me she doesn't know if she's good enough for ME.
Then we finally met, hugged, talked a bit, watched a movie in the cinema, I paid for everything...
After that we went to a café and I let her chose a place to seat and she chose one with the candlelight.
There we were talking, while I suddendly say her name and try to kiss her.
I made the biggest mistake by asking her this while I was almost at her lips:
"Can I kiss you?" - She obviously said no, we don't know each other so well and it would be too soon.
She indicated next time would be a good idea.
She then left after some time with a kiss on the cheek.

She however was very happy for the fact that I tried to kiss her, because.. now she KNOWS.

She apologized later via text that it was an amazing day and she is sorry for how it went out at the end.
I know she likes me, but I don't really know how to push things further...

Mistakes I made:
- Not touching her enough, almost nothing.
- Running out of topics at the end , she was asking questions the whole time
Otherwise I was very careful to follow all the rules on this website.

What should I do next?

David Riley's picture

Follow up


Hey Anon,

Follow up and suggest a date, either she'll go for it or she won't. I would suggest in the future to not pay for everything or make it so romantic. Because it firmly places you into the potential boyfriend category/provider zone. This means she will take things slower. This is why she rejected your kiss. She didn't want to rush things with sex and ruin things. She wants to make you wait. The only problem when people take things slow, they very rarely if ever end up together. When they do end up together it's usually on terms that the woman decides. This is not what you. The best thing to do on the next date is touch her more and keep her talking as much as possible.

Take care,

Just Dave

Anonymous's picture

Rejection - not wanting to fall in love?


Hello Chase,

I have a question. It probably doesn't relate to this article except for the fact that I am the benevolent sexist as you describe and I can feel the power if it. It reinforces the man-woman polarity and it's a little bit cheeky if done with humor, and so it's very good for attraction.

Back to the question. Several times in my life, I was rejected after a great first date. Sometimes there was even great sex on the first date, sometimes not, but she was hot for it. Her reason for rejecting me (assuming she was honest to me) was: "I don't want to fall in love with someone like you."

Is it for real, Chase? What's the problem? How can it be prevented?

Lukas

David Riley's picture

Attainability


Hey Anon,

I would say this has to do with your attainability and also a potential "shit test". Sometimes, a woman will say this like because she doesn't feel you're a right fit in the long term. What you have to do is show her, that things could work out. Don't be afraid to be warm to a women once you slept with them. When a girl thinks your cold, no matter how great the sex is she'll fade out. On the plus side though, I will say this could also be a good thing. The reason is girls are seeing you as a bad boy whom she can't control. She knows that if she falls for you, she will fall hard. Like I mentioned earlier, just be a little warmer to girls after sex and you should be fine.

Take care,

Just Dave

Anonymous's picture

Never a true scotsman.


Never a true scotsman.

Zac's picture

Superior Man


Thanks for the great article Chase. I would advise guys to check out a book called "The way of the superior Man" by David Deida. It digs deeper into this issue. It's high time the men should guard their testosterone and keep it to themselves, they should also encourage women to be women not men.

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