Note from Chase: this is the final post in our 5-part series on How to Pick Up Girls: The Success Factor. Check out Part I, Part II, Part III, and Part IV before reading this post, if you haven't already. In this last post in the series, Ricardus discusses how to take everything you've learned in the last four installments... and apply it to cleaning up in seduction.
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By now, you’re starting to get a pretty clear idea of how we can control our own emotions… completely internally, without having to rely on alcohol, “warm-up sets” or having company around.
Two questions remain: What kinds of states should you put yourself into… and how can you transfer these states to other people?
The truth is there are several different states that can work well to meet and attract women… different things work for different people. What’s always going to work best to attract feminine women, however, is the masculine vibe of a sexual man.
The kinds of emotions you want to induce in yourself to properly project this vibe are:
- Calm and Serene: A real man does not bounce off the walls like a ping pong ball, trying to get everybody’s attention. Like the alpha male lion, he is very relaxed.
- Carefree: Wealth is a status indicator… and women look at your emotional state much more than they do at your Rolex watch to find out how wealthy you really perceive yourself to be. If a monkey raises in status in his troop, the females can tell from very subtle behaviorisms. The same is true if he falls in rank.
These status cues are so subtle that you can't just fix your posture and expect people to believe you are high status… these cues need to come from inside you… and these state exercises can help you accomplish that.
- Conviction and Certainty : The most powerful belief one can hold in life is certainty of outcome… period. Reality usually surrenders to the one who is most sure. Or in the words of Andre Agassi, quoted from his autobiography, OPEN: “He thinks it's his day, and when you think it's your day, it usually is."
- Masculine and Powerful: A feeling of being an unstoppable, dominant man… get in touch with your brute animal force, that primal energy you might feel after a good, intense workout.
- Socially Confident: Be aware of your social skills… remember situations in the past where you have handled social situations with absolute expertise. If you were able to do that once, then you obviously have the skill… so you should be able to do it again, and again. It is merely a matter of tapping into the emotion of feeling socially confident.
- Sexually Aware: Just like social confidence, sexual awareness means getting in touch with your masculine sexuality. Remember a time when you blew a woman’s mind, and she was tearing the pillow apart, screaming loud enough to wake the neighbors.
- Mysterious: Have you ever met somebody who had a knowing, almost mischievous smile on his lips – as if he knew a secret that nobody else knows? There is something intriguing and magnetic about this kind of aura.
- Aroused: This one isn’t always useful on the approach – even though it can be, given the right environment. But the idea here is this: if you are in a highly sexual mood, you can transmit that to the girl… and even if you go to a sexually charged place, your interactions will be more sexual. Moods are contagious.
- Compassionate: Wait… compassionate?! That’s right… a confident yet calm state will give you an aura of masculinity, and this will trigger attraction – well, at least in most feminine, heterosexual women. But it is really the ability to relate to other people, and experience the emotions they’re feeling in yourself as well, that will allow you to create an emotional connection with them.
For each of the above states, ask yourself
- What could you think about to trigger these emotions inside you? Do you have a memory of a time when you felt like that – can you close your eyes and bring that memory back to life? And how could you play with these thoughts to intensify the feeling? What words could you use to describe it more vividly… how could you give the emotion more depth, the way a poet would? How can you feel them out with the quality quantifiers we discussed earlier?
- If you already felt the emotion you are trying to experience, what would your physiology be like? How would you breathe, walk, gesture, look and talk? How would you interact with people, how would you stand and what would your posture be like?
Work with this for a while… as I said, this is a knack. Set aside some time each day to practice… and eventually, take the states you want with you when you go out to socialize.
It will become a habit over time, and you will eventually almost ALWAYS be in the states you want to be in without having to practice them consciously.
You will have become a person with incredibly powerful personal magnetism… your brain will have formed habits and built new neurological pathways.
Here is one more very crucial point. Your ability to control your state will depend hugely on the amount of raw, physiological energy you have. I have found time and time again that this depends mostly on my diet.
No sugar, no white salt, no white flour, no alcohol, no white rice, no processed foods, no junk of any kind whatsoever.
I know this is asking a lot. But try it for 21 days and see how much it affects your ability to control your own emotions – not to mention, your overall energy level and sense of well-being!
Don’t discount this part just because it’s a mere couple of sentences in the middle of a very long article… this is going to make a HUGE difference in how effective all of these exercises will be for you.
Alright, we've established that the ability to be charismatic has a lot to do with the emotions other people pick up from us. We have determined that these emotions can be controlled, and how. And, we have identified a couple of key emotions that will be beneficial to dating.
You have been told “just to be confident”, but nobody ever told you how… well, now you know!
Now the question remains, how do we transmit the emotions we feel to others?
For one thing, as I mentioned, emotions already get transmitted pretty much automatically, simply because humans have mirror neurons… brain cells that pick up on what other people do and feel.
However, the more extroverted you are, the more your emotions will be projected outward. By extroversion, I don’t mean being social… I mean pointing your attention outside of you instead of inside.
Even when you are doing something alone, you can project your energy outwards… and even when you're interacting with other people, you can project your energy inwards.
Instead of having your ATTENTION focused on your thoughts and on everything that is going on inside your head, you need to have your full concentration focused outside… on your environment.
Just like a meditator may focus on his breath, you will focus on your surroundings and the people around you.
Now you may ask – “wasn’t I supposed to think all these thoughts to make my neocortex trigger the states I want?”
Yes – that’s how you CREATE the states to begin with. Once you’ve created the state, turn your focus outward and stop getting caught up in your thought loops.
You see how we went about this in several steps:
- We stopped random and sometimes negative thought loops and cleared them with meditation, or by focusing on our breath.
- Next, we replaced them with positive mental triggers, by deliberately choosing our thoughts, in order to get into positive states
- We strengthen this internally created emotional state by aligning our physiology with it
- Finally, once we have reached enough emotional momentum where the state is stable enough, we let go of either and simply focus on our environment.
Now you have created the emotional state you desire, and by being in closer communication with your environment, through all your senses, people around you will automatically pick up on your X-Factor more.
This will cause you to get more positive social feedback from your environment, which will in turn reinforce your emotional state… a positive feedback loop.
Winning the Lottery – Part II
Remember how we discussed above that people chase after things, events and other people because of the feeling they hope to experience?
You’re starting to see that they only do this because they can’t control their feelings internally. They don’t know about the impact of their physiology and their focus on their emotional state, and much less do they have enough practice to control it consistently.
Since they can’t control their emotions, they try to control events, by chasing after external, fleeting pleasures which will then trigger thoughts, which in turn, will create the emotions they want.
Since I've become aware of this process, I’ve also started noticing that every time something makes me feel good... it's always a THOUGHT that actually shifts the feeling… it's not the external event that does the trick.
By the same token, if you ever find yourself falling into negative states, you should be able to catch the thoughts that first trigger the negative state if you pay close attention.
Which ultimately, and with practice, will mean that we won't even need any occurrence to get into an emotional state.
The entire alcohol industry would collapse if everybody knew how to do this... in fact, most of consumerism and advertisement would too.
Why Is This So ATTRACTIVE?
So why do women respond so strongly to this vibe?
There is an old adage in the dating advice community, that a smile is the male cleavage.
That’s close, but the core of the matter is that emotions are the male cleavage... a smile simply projects a certain type of emotion that is attractive.
Because positive emotions demonstrate high value.
Only a man of high value would be getting so much positive neural feedback from his environment that he would constantly be in a positive state.
Are we just gaming the system? Not really... because if you can CONTROL your own neural feedback, you can also increase your own value. The chicken and the egg perpetuate each other.
Do you need to be confident in order to achieve success, or do you need to be successful in order to become confident? As Nathaniel Brandon, considered the “father of modern self-esteem”, would point out: The answer is BOTH.
Confidence and success have a symbiotic relationship – they enhance each other.
In summary, the reason why positive emotional states make you attractive is that women read your emotional state, in order to get a clue about your status.
Without state control, only a high status individual would ever be in a truly positive state.
A “worker drone” would be bogged down with the grind and the trouble of life, simply because most people draw their state from their life circumstances.
But a man who perceives his life to be going well will exude positive emotions – and a woman wants to be a part of that life.
Another reason why women are drawn to men like this, by the way, is that females have even less control over their emotions... And here you come, a guy who's in control of his… AND you take the lead.
This is exactly what women are looking for, in dating as much as on the dance floor.
Can you begin to see how this X-Factor is a new way not only of game, but of being?
When you are in these powerful, extroverted states, you will also begin to be more energetic and productive. You will start to get a lot more done, and hence GENERATE more external positive feedback as well… on top of the internal state control which you are creating for yourself.
This will, in turn, strengthen your X-Factor further… a positive self-reinforcing cycle.
Just like an external event sometimes triggers positive emotions, even in people who don’t have internal state control mastered, we can begin to CREATE more of these kinds of external events.
And by living your whole life in this state of mind, you will automatically create a ton of those external events that trigger the state again and it just spirals you higher and higher.
And all it comes down to, really, is tapping into the ability you already have.
Anything you have done once, you can do again… you HAVE the ability.
Hence, all consistency comes down to the ability to TAP INTO the state that allowed you to do it in the first place.
Before doing ANYTHING from now on… anything at all… ask yourself, what would be the best emotional state to be in for this activity? Then put yourself into that state by changing your physiology and your focus, in all the ways we discussed above… then, let go of the state control exercises and extrovert your attention onto your environment.
Properly applied, this will sky rocket your success with women… but also your success in every other area of life.
The X-Factor is truly a way of life.
Onward and upward,