Note from Chase: when Ricardus first showed me this piece - an 11,000-word masterpiece he called "The X-Factor in Game" - I was blown away. He's got so much solid, sound, incredible stuff packed in here - I told him he completely outdid himself, and he did. I've broken this piece up into five separate parts - more manageable to read than trying to digest the whole thing in one sitting - and renamed it to "How to Pick Up Girls: The Success Factor." Hope he won't begrudge me the re-titling.
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Some guys just have it… an apparently magical vibe, a charisma and vibrancy; a form of personal magnetism that draws people magically to them… and that makes them irresistibly attractive to women, able to pick up girls seemingly effortlessly and make girlfriends out of the most desirable women around.
The question is… what exactly is this vibe? It seems very hard to define, to nail down or even to emulate… which is why I call it the “X-Factor”.
In fact, it is so hard to quantify in precise terms that women often say about the guys who have it: “I just don’t know what it is about him.” And the French even go so far as calling this vibe the “je-ne-sais-quoi” – in English: the “I don’t know what.”
Let’s see if we can do a little bit better than that!
The Three Pillars of Dating Success
The common paradigm in the dating community these days is that there are three pillars that define dating success and results with women. These are:
- Your inner game, i.e. your psychology and your confidence
- Your outer game, i.e. your verbal skills and what you say and do when you’re around women, as well as when and how you say and do it
- Your lifestyle, i.e. how connected you are and how this helps you to meet women, as well as how cool your life is and how much fun it would be for a girl to participate in this life style
This is certainly a useful model and these three aspects of your dating skills are absolutely key… you should definitely work on all three of those. However, your results with women will depend more on the following three factors, in order of importance:
- Your looks. There… I said it. The truth that nobody wants to admit: What you look like will always be part and parcel of how well women respond to you, especially initially. Read on… I will tell you how to use this in your advantage, no matter what you look like.
- The “X-Factor”… Your vibe, your personal magnetism… this “je-ne-sais-quoi”. This article will go in depth on this topic… how you come across.
- Your “Game”. By game, I mean anything that is conventionally taught as dating advice. Body language, verbal skills… the works.
You don’t need to have all three of these… a good looking guy often doesn’t need a whole lot of game, and a very charismatic guy doesn’t need to be terribly good looking.
In any case, the first two will trump the third any time. There aren’t many guys who have learned seduction consciously as a skill who do as well as extremely good “naturals” – whether these naturals be extremely good looking, or simply ridiculously charismatic… or both.
In fact, “game” only allows you to “harvest” what your looks and/or your vibe have “planted”. If you only have game, but you look like Quasimodo AND your vibe is off… no routine, no line and no amount of skill will save you.
On the other hand, there are also good looking guys who aren’t very successful with women. They DO get a lot of attraction – but they are probably not even aware of it. The way that girls show interest is often very subtle. These guys would need more skills to capitalize on the attraction they get.
I have one friend who has all three… he looks like a GQ model and is ALSO extremely charismatic and has “game skills” like the Devil… and he’s cleaning up like nobody’s business. I mean, I know many of the big names in the dating industry personally… and none of them can hold a candle to this guy… not even close.
There is a lesson here.
Before we dive deeper into the X-Factor, let’s clean up with the confusion surrounding the importance of a man’s looks.
Do You Need Good Looks to Pick Up Girls?
It is true that very good looking guys fight a downhill battle… when they approach women, they will often find them to be extremely receptive right off the bat… and the only two things they need to do are: 1. escalate, and 2. not do anything VERY stupid.
But the short answer to the above question is - no… you do not have to be good looking in order to pick up girls. How handsome a woman perceives you to be might very well be the most important factor in how well she will respond to you... especially initially. However, this is not the be all and end all.
Three pieces of good news about the importance of looks:
- Tastes differ.
You may have noticed this yourself when you were out with a friend. Maybe he approached women that you would never feel attracted to… or inversely, the one you thought was the most beautiful woman present that night left him totally cold.
It’s the same for women… Some even find Brad Pitt completely unattractive. On the other hand, even an average looking guy will happen to be many women’s specific archetype that they find unbelievably attractive.
The website HotOrNot.com used to display a bar graph that showed how many people had given what rating to a specific picture. For me for example, I usually got rated a seven by the great majority of people. But there were always a few that rated me an eight or a nine… some even rated me a ten.
Sometimes I run into those women who just happen to think that I’m ridiculously hot. And then, the rule that looks DO matter a lot works in my favor and the entire process becomes ridiculously easy.
In fact, it would almost be hard NOT to end up hooking up with these girls.
- Women can be won over. When I was a teenager, I had a mentor who, aside from being very well traveled, successful and just an all-round interesting person, was also very successful with women. He was always dating at least four beautiful women – and I took every chance I got to pick his brain to learn how to pick up girls.
I remember one day we were traveling in a large group and he had already been flirting with several of the women present… and they were all responding very well to his advances.
Except for one girl… she had an attitude and when he talked to her, she pretended to be flirting with him over the top, in an ironic and sarcastic way, batting her eye lashes exaggeratedly and then blowing him off.
When I talked to him about it later, he just said six words that I still remember to this day, 15 years later. “Her heart can be won too.”
And that’s true for many women. While we often decide in the blink of an eye whether we’re attracted to a girl or not, women often judge a man’s strength (especially his inner strength), his status and his personality over time.
If you are an interesting, high value guy (and we will cover what that means in a future article), women will become more and more attracted to you as you interact with them longer.
The caveat is, of course, that you need to escalate with them in the first couple of hours – if you don’t make your intentions known and make your move after a while, they will still like you, but their attraction will go cold… this is the friend zone. Not good.
But the bottom line is that men can do a lot to win a woman over with their personality. Women are not in such a fortunate position… if a girl is overweight and unattractive, she’s often out of luck. A man’s sexy personality usually has more leverage than a woman’s.
- You have more control over what you look like than you think. The importance of your appearance should NEVER be a cop-out. On the contrary… it means you’re even MORE responsible for your results. You need to do everything in your power to maximize your looks as much as possible.
Work out regularly – at LEAST three times a week. Women DO love muscles… as long as you’re not so beefed that you walk like a robot. If you can get a bit buff, you will often create attraction just by merit of your biceps alone… or of your six-pack, if you meet girls at the beach. At the very least, stay slim and in shape.
Get enough sleep. Unless you’re picking up girls in gothic clubs, dark circles under your eyes are NOT sexy… and you will also not be able to get into your most resourceful emotional states if you’re bleary-eyed.
Eat healthy food. No excuses. Nobody’s asking you to turn into a health nut. But there is no reason why you shouldn’t follow a healthy diet at least 80 to 90% of the time. It will do WONDERS for you.
It will make it ten times easier to get into great physical shape and develop your body – yes, nutrition is even more important than working out if you want to get a fitness model physique that makes girls break into SWEAT!
What’s more, your skin will look better and you will have more energy – both of which will help the way women perceive you tremendously. You will look healthy – and health is sexy.
Get a sexy haircut. Many people recommend getting a male, gay hair stylist, and this can be good advice. Personally I prefer to seek out whoever has the most experience in the salon… and it has to be a salon that caters to a stylish crowd. You may have to test a few hair dressers before you find the right one for you. Tip him well and keep coming back once you’ve found him.
Get an expert to give you fashion advice. Ideally a guy who’s very good with women and very well dressed. There is also a wealth of information on fashion blogs and the like.
It’s unhealthy to walk around believing that for getting success with women it doesn’t matter what you look like. It will divert your attention from working on your appearance, which IS a very important factor.
It will also set you up for berating yourself when you meet a girl you can’t seem to win over. Instead of wondering what was wrong with your game, consider that you may simply not have been her type.
And that’s okay.
Chances are the next girl might think you’re a 9… just because of her personal taste in men.
The Magic Power That Trumps Game
Now that we have the whole “looks” topic out of the way, we can focus on the “X-Factor” I mentioned above... and it really does almost seem to be a magic power.
If you’ve ever seen a guy in action who had this power, you know exactly what I mean… some of them almost seem to be Jedis. Some aren’t even physically very attractive, yet they manage to consistently approach the most stunning women and wrap them around their fingers.
The girls may react skeptical or even openly disinterested at first… but before you know it, they melt under his charms. After a minute, they are smiling, and yet another minute later they’re loving it and flipping their hair.
Now, I have some bad news and some good news… I’ll give you the bad news first.
The bad news is that it is very hard to fix your “vibe”, because it is unconscious and hence completely invisible. What’s more, a lot of it was formed in your childhood and adolescence, your formative years. That’s why this isn’t commonly taught... but there IS much that CAN be done, if you know how.
The good news is that THIS is where we average looking guys can have a REAL impact on our results. This vibe is precisely the reason why some average looking guys get the hottest girls very consistently and defy the rule that looks are so supremely important.
This is also why so many guys who study dating advice never end up getting good results and never really learn how to pick up girls... THEY COME ACROSS in a way that girls don't respond to, no matter how they dress, or what they say and do. Their vibe is “off”… they lack the X-Factor.
Tune in tomorrow for Part II to learn exactly what that X-Factor is.
Onward and upward,
The series continues in How to Pick Up Girls, Part II.