The 4 Kinds of Girls and Which Ones YOU Should Go For

After reading your article I believe this girl I've been seeing is FT/EX and I am a TR/IN.. I'm constantly going out, gaming, hooking up with new women, so how can I transition to TR/EX? This is my ultimate goal in game to become TR/EX and my type of girl is definitely FT/EX.

Currently I find this situation to be irritating. The girl uses her experience to play me and control the dynamics even though I am the leader. I was escalating at my place and she says she had to leave.. She slipped and said, "I have to leave you wanting more." She is very attracted to me because maybe instinctively she thinks I'm TR/EX.. She continues to hold on to the interaction despite my aloofness, so I will give her one more chance for escalation.

I'm also pretty sure she has placed me in the boyfriend category and not trying to mess things up. Any tips to help a TR/IN deal with an FT/EX or to step into TR/EX would be appreciated.

Thanks Chase

I am experiencing one of the most "WTF?!" moment in my life.
seems that I am unable to meet women which would like a relationship... they all want 1-night stands.
Even during day game... Maybe I should be fine with it... but nope.

All girls I am meeting are */experienced...
And on the other side there are girls in 20. Also not interested AT ALL in building relationship till 28... or so they say.

seriously WTF ? :D

I am stuck in this city and cant really move for atleast 2 years.
Any thoughts on the situation?

And seriously... some powershift... I am aiming in girls at age 20-22. . . i know i am quite good looking. So what seems to be the problem ? i am out of ideas...

It was funny reading this and thinking of all my past relationships. Why they worked brilliantly or why they crashed and burned.

I was a ST/IN dating a FT/EX in my first major relationship and i'll tell you what... It was super frustrating for me and I was very jealous. She wanted to get married, but I knew I would go crazy.

My last relationship I was a ST/IN (Borderline EX) dating a FT/IN. It was super super fun at first, but she ended up getting super clingy and needy which caused me to push away and ultimately make decisions that wouldn't allow her to trust me anymore.

Awesome stuff man. Keep it up.

Peace.

So True Chase-

I'm a TR/IN guy through and through. I'm both good-looking and talented, but I like control and have a hard time being open to and accepting women in general, this has definitely lead to a lot of missed opportunities and off-putting encounters in the past... I'm working on it.

About 6 months ago, I met a beautiful and very talented FT/EX woman. We connected right off the bat, had a ton of sexual and emotional chemistry, but something just wasn't 'clicking.' -- at least after the first night -- I believe she thought I was more experience than I was, just because of my stronger demeanor and appearance, but none the less this was not the case.

Long story short, she was open to sex and wanted me to take control on the first night -- I was in her bedroom -- being inexperienced, I of course didn't, and opted to slow it down. I never got that chance again. The chemistry was always there, but after that night her 'softer' (FT) side took it as a sign that we didn't sleep together, and she said we needed to put 'boundries' on the relationship -- I hate that word, 'boundries,' its the worst flipping word in the world -- and that we had to much in common to ruin that with something as trivial as sex. Of course, that set of the 'stronger' (TR) side in me, I flew off the handle, screamed, cried, and basically wasted 6 months of my life trying to get back what I had the first night. The 'motherly' and 'safeguarding' aspect she brought to the relationship drove me literally insane -- I can not stress this enough -- literally insane. My TR side also makes me a fighter, and I hate giving up on or walking away from things that I want. If she was inexperience (IN), that 'softer' 'conservative' nature would have worked out great, because she would have let me with me 'stronger' (TR) aspect take control and lead us both into experience, but because she was 'soft' (FT), but also 'experienced' (EX), she had a lot of baggage, and I triggered and emotional response in her that triggered her 'conservative' nature and made her put the breaks on things. On the other hand, if she was both 'strong' (TR) like me, but also 'experienced' (EX), she wouldn't have shut down into 'motherly' mode, and thus would have seen my 'stronger' (TR) as a true call to adventure, and could have lead me into experience and herself into even more experience, saving me an unreal amount of frustration, questions, and nights and nights of blue balls.

Looking back, this all makes so much sense... I just wish I knew this six months ago. It would have saved me from loads of extremely painful and grueling heartache.

Still living and learning and focusing on my goals. Great article.

Thanks Chase

This article reiterates something I've heard before; that for a relationship to be successful there must be one dominant role and one submissive role. And this can be interpreted as leadership.

One of your more insightful and novel articles. I like it a lot!

http://anelegantman.blogspot.com

Many thanks for this post! (have to thank you separately for the others I've read so far).
You just helped me understand from a different angle what was so not working out in my last relationship, and what needs to happen on my end should I be interested in relationships with men of the similar type in the future.

Heyya Chase!

I'm TR/IN (are there any EXes reading this page anyway?), but I'm afraid of TR/EX-es...but also thrilled by the idea of getting one of them. I think they are going to eat me alive! Or they will get bored of me, which is more probable. I mean, as a man I should be the one who does the leading, shouldn't I? If so, how on earth will I be on terms with an apex predator, while I'm a bear cub at best?

Regards:
Barney

As a girl who reads your site this has to be my favourite article. It's amazing how you can articulate this so succinctly. Thinking back on people I have been attracted to and been with, I can't help but notice how accurate the dynamics you describe are - it's a rare thing to be able to formulate theories based on observations the way you have (especially on something as unquantifiable as human behaviour)!

I especially love the part where you described the "emotional guy who flits from lover to lover" - as a FT/IN who dated one of these (who I now realise is a TR/EX rather than a TR/IN as I would have first thought) you were spot on about how quickly he trampled on me without even realising it, in fact, while he was trying his hardest not to!

This model seems to apply to friendships and work relationships too. I can't tell you how glad I am you wrote it!

I'm not one who tends to read blogs in general much less long ones mainly because our generation has an overabundance of them and I'd say more than half of them are, in my opinion, one's worthless opinion based on a set of circumstances that might be very different than your own. That being said, I found this post through a Google search and read it in its entirety. I could tell from the very beginning that it was well-written and caught my attention from the get-go through some very relevant points and interesting ways of analysis (ie the matrix). You come off as someone who is logical, experienced, and trustworthy on the topic and for this I tell you bravo!

Now that my praise of your article is over with, on to my inquiry. Here's the context: I'm currently in the early stages of dating this cute 19 year old Ethiopian chick who is a city girl (NYC). I'm a 23 year old Italian-American. Her personality is easy to pinpoint - FT/IN. She's sweet and caring and definitely doesn't try to take the lead. She's an only child who went to a strict Catholic high school and her mom is one of those moms that keep their daughters on lock-down until they enter college so she is just now beginning to exercise for freedom. Like I said, definitely FT/IN (although seemingly eager to be lead/gain more experience).

On the other hand, I'm having more trouble trying to pinpoint my personality on your matrix so I was wondering if you could help me do that. While I sometimes might display some of the TR traits, when I look at my overall persona I'm more naturally FT. The EX/IN is where I'm having trouble. I've never had a real serious relationship that carried on more than a few months. However, I've had my share of flings, friends-with-benefits, and one-night stands throughout my college life. Some might say I have commitment issues, which might be true. What it comes down to is that I've always been very much independent and content as a single. I've never had a problem with filling my free-time. I attended my final two years of college in Rome, Italy so that only made it easier to be content with single life. Flings, friends-with-benefits, and one-night stands always satisfied my desires - after all, it was college. Whenever a woman hinted at wanting something more, I regressed. Either by making the excuse that I'm going back to college soon in an attempt not make it sound like I just wasn't interested and possibly prolong it or by subtly letting them know I wasn't interested in progressing further which would usually end whatever we had going as women generally can only do the friends-with-benefits thing for so long before they become emotionally attached. All along, however, I kept telling myself that I was open to a serious relationship if the right girl came along, whatever that meant. It seemed like every time a girl was interested in pursuing something more with me, I came up with reasons for why she's not the right one. And, conversely, whenever I seemed to have my eye on a girl who I thought would be the right one, the feelings weren't returned. So, what my real dilemma comes down to is determining whether or not I'm considered IN or EX because, while I have good amount of experience with women in the sexual department, I have little to no experience in the actual relationship department. After reading your article, it seemed to me that EX assumed experience in both departments but that IN assumed inexperience in both.

Upon graduating college, coming home, getting hit by the reality of real life and job searching, my "player" ego has calmed down quite a bit and I simply haven't been out as much and meeting as many women. That's when I met Zoe. We're taking it real slow by just seeing each other for dinner dates or movies but are definitely into each other emotionally. My hormones are telling me I want her, that's for sure. The problem with taking it slow (ie no sex yet) for me is that it's hard for me to tell between real desire (ie relationship/commitment) and just wanting to have sex. She's hinting at a relationship and I'm getting that same feeling I've gotten in the past about doubting myself which has always ultimately led to me backing out. I should also mention that one of my fears in life is to be single forever. I guess this mammoth post (sorry!) is partially meant to determine whether or not I'm IN or EX on your matrix and partially for some relationship advice. I've never really divulged this much info about myself and my love life to anyone but you seem very knowledgeable and trustworthy on the topic so maybe you could help me out. Do you think I should seriously consider the relationship route and just give it a go for the first time in my life? Part of me is saying that I need to give it a go eventually and that this period of my life is a good time to do it and see where it goes.

Thank you and sorry once again for the long post. I'm at work and have perhaps too much free time to browse the web.

My question is can you move from one trait to the other? I feel as if I've always have been experience, however over the course of time have went soft. Surely you understand how that change can effect a relationship over time. Frankly is there anyway to go back to being "strong"? Or is it like the biblical story of Samson " once you gave her that strength it's pretty much gone?"

Side note truly enjoy the articles.

TR/EX here
Ended up marrying the same personality....
.........This article is extremely correct

I have to say, I always considered myself soft and experienced until I read this. But the deeper into the article I got the more and more it made sense why my relationships in the past haven't been working. It's funny once the facts are laid out it's not even that surprising! I have to say even though things tend to fall apart, and both parties end up getting hurt, or things just don't really work out in the end I love the relationship dynamic of some of the girls I've dated in the past. Where they were soft, and inexperienced, but being strong and experienced I'd find I'd be less willing to trust them on things, or take their actions as suspicious when there was nothing wrong in the first place.

But rambling, to answer I couldn't tell you. I gotta get into that dating sphere a bit more!

Hi Chase, so I've always liked soft inexperienced girls, and it agrees with your arrow chart since I've been strong inexperienced, though getting more experienced. But if what you're saying is that if I become full-blown strong experienced, I won't like soft experienced girls anymore, I have a problem with that one because I simply don't want to believe it; I plan on settling down with one after I get enough experience.

Surely there must be successful FT/IN-TR/EX relationships? I think I wouldn't mind a girl's clinginess if I'm settling down with her.

Hi Chase! Just came upon this article and it helped me realize why I always get hurt by the tr/ex. I've only dated 2 of them and I'm quite young, but I only see myself ending up with that type in the future because it's the type I want.
Does this mean I will have to go through a lot of heartbreak dating this type before I get enough EX to become sf/ex and then I can feel less hurt/handle a tr/ex better? It just got me thinking
I know in the future I will experience more pain and naturally I'll end up in the sf/ex category
But do you mean that when I date an sf/ex instead of my usual tr/ex i won't gain any EX and I'll stay as an sf/in and I'll be happy, or I will gain EX and then I'll become a "happy" sf/ex and can go back to dating tr/ex?

Damn, this sucks for me.
I'm dominant and always have been, but I've got no relationship experience whatsoever. So I'm pretty much the strong, inexperienced type.

Finding soft, inexperienced girls past the age of 18 is nigh impossible, and I don't mesh well with the strong, experienced type AT ALL, since I'm the one who needs to be in charge. Or I've at least got the edge over her.

No other writer comes close to the level of insight you bring to these topics, Chase, and you describe these dynamics so well! Great stuff.