You're Passing Up the Hottest, Coolest Girls


hottest coolest girlsWhen I first moved to California, I set up a number of dates in advance (thanks, online dating!) so that I’d be able to hit the ground running when I got there.

My first date I set up for one week after I’d arrived (I wanted a little time to unpack and make my place presentable first... plus, after a 5-day cross-country drive, I really just wanted to settle in for a few days and see some friends in town before I dialed up on girls).

When that first date showed up one week later, I was floored – she’d looked good in her pictures, but in person she was absolutely smoking hot. I fell instantly in love. But she never quite reciprocated those emotions to me, and when we ended up back at my apartment at the end of the date and I tried to kiss her, she rejected this, told me she was uncomfortable, and left.

My second date was the next night. For this date, I drove about 30 minutes north of town and met her near where she lived. She met me wearing a white, modest wedding-style dress (unbeknownst to me, she’d apparently just gotten married – when I saw it, I thought, “Is that a wedding dress? Nah... there’s no way,” but apparently, it was), sipping a plastic cup of champagne. She was very cute, with a quite attractive face and waist-length hair, but I wasn’t super impressed at the time. We slept together a few hours later, and I was pretty happy then, because not only did she have a pretty face and great hair, but her body was absolutely killer. I hadn’t really realized it when I saw her in her modest (wedding) dress.

The girl from the first date I saw a few more times over the years, and only years later did I realize that face-wise, she wasn’t really that cute. And body-wise, well, she was thin by American standards, but not so by international ones, and her breasts were non-existent.

She just dressed and acted sexy. Bright colors, big sunglasses that left more of her face to the imagination, alternately suggestive and aloof behavior, like what we talked about in “Elegance, Sexiness, and Average, Normal People.”

Yet, she’d been the one I was excited about, while the one who was the whole package I’d merely thought “meh” at the time about.

And I see so many guys doing this all the time, getting caught up on the wrong girls, and then getting bitter because of how those girls treat them.

It’s kind of a clown show that we all fall victim to.


hottest coolest girls

I caught a gal with my peripheral vision as I was walking today and couldn’t help but check her out. She was wearing a light summery white shirt, with a white sash that fell down just over her chest, accentuating and calling attention to her breasts, which looked like they might be implants from what I could tell (the shirt was somewhat sheer).

Beneath this, she wore tight, tiny jean shorts that really made her hips stand out and showed off a lot of leg. Her hair was long and luxurious, and her walk was sexy. I abandoned protocol on peripheral vision and decided to take a look at her face.

Her face was... quite ugly. Also, old. But, especially, ugly.

This made me think about beauty vs. hotness again. I’ve discussed it several times on here before, most notably in the article “How Much Do Looks Matter for Romantic Success?” That’s the one that included images demonstrating how genuinely plain many “hot” girls actually. We also discussed this in “What’s Different When You Talk to a Hot Girl?

And I think this goes a fair way toward explaining a lot of men’s frustration with women. We’ve been seeing more comments on this site lately (many of which get moderated into oblivion because they’re not helpful or curious, just negative emotional venting) from guys saying things like, “No, women don’t want men, they just want to REJECT men! It’s ALL they want!!”

Which seems really silly to me, and seemed nonsensical to me before I started thinking about this, but now I think I’ve got why it’s happening and why there are men who think that way.

Men in general are quite obsessed with “hot” girls, but men who start learning seduction in particular seem to be quite fixated on them. I don’t know if guys turn to seduction in frustration at not being able to get those hot girls, or if there’s some sort of cultural effect in the pickup world that drives men to place “hot” girls on a taller pedestal than other women, but one way or another “hotness” becomes the shining ideal to end all ideals. Just see the 1-to-10 scale, so rampant among men in PUA but not nearly so outside of it (I’d never used it in my life prior to stumbling on the pickup community, nor did any guy I knew).

If a man can achieve a hot woman, goes the thinking anyway, he is more “man” then the other men around him.


The Allure of Hotness

Men have always pursued beauty as status symbols and recognition of their own value as men. You can read about antiquity and how jealously men vied for extraordinarily attractive women, elevating them from peasants to princesses and showing them off on their arms for all to see.

Because I am a “strip away all the flash and glamour and see what’s left underneath” kind of guy... a “let’s get down to brass tacks” kind of guy... a “time to see what’s left when the veneer rubs off” kind of guy... I’ve pretty naturally trained myself to look for what women look like beneath the clothes and the makeup and the polish.

I don’t care what she looks like tonight; what’s she going to look like tomorrow morning?

I had a discussion with a friend of mine not so long ago who dated a “hot” girl for a number of years about this. He laughed and said yeah, every morning as soon as she would wake up she would dash off to the bathroom and spend an hour in there getting ready before he was even allowed to see her.

And you might say, well, what’s the difference if she’s naturally got it or she has to go spend an hour putting it on? So long as she spends that hour every day, effectively they’re the same.

But of course, they’re not the same.

There are some major differences between artificially hot women (who make up the lion’s share of what most men consider “hot”) and naturally (genetically) beautiful women:

  1. How flashy they are. If you’ve read (or watched; there’s a new movie out now) The Great Gatsby, you know the difference between “old money” and “new money” – old money is subtle and subdued and regal; new money is flashy and gaudy and in-your-face. Just compare your average rap star who’s recently fallen into wealth with a trust fund baby. The former is suited up in gaudy jewelry and excess, and brags about his wealth obsessively, while the latter is dressed much more conservatively and usually doesn’t mention his wealth. Even though the latter often has far more actual wealth than the former. Artificially hot women vs. genuinely beautiful women? Same deal. The girl who’s born with it is just used to it, and in fact shies away from too much extra attention to it. The girl who’s acquired it, though, wants EVERYBODY to see it.

  2. How bitchy they are. With great power comes great responsibility, and women who are born beautiful learn early on to be nice people because they hold a lot of power over men’s hearts. Women who aren’t born this way though often have self-esteem and attitude issues; “ugly on the outside, ugly on the inside” goes the saying. And when they finally figure out how to make themselves “hot”? Get ready for their revenge on men – these are the girls who really DO enjoy rejecting men... because they weren’t in that position for most of their lives. It’s the same any time you give great power to someone who isn’t used to it – abuse goes with the territory.

  3. How secure (or not) they are. Deep down, the girl who’s all dressed up knows that, to some degree, it isn’t her all these men want... it’s her makeup, her flash, and her dress. Often these girls have a history of disappointing experiences with men, where their flashiness allows them to snag men who’d normally be out of their reach, only for them to lose those men after a hook up, when the guy gets her clothes off, sees her without the makeup, realizes she’s actually pretty plain, shrugs and has sex with her anyway, then just doesn’t call or, if he does, is uninterested in giving her the relationship she wants. This manifests in, again, much poorer treatment of men than the naturally beautiful girl (who’s often led a charmed life with men) usually exhibits.

  4. You don’t get those genes. One of the things I notice happens to a lot of guys when they get a girl who’s significantly more attractive than what they usually get is that they wife her up. Not uncommonly, children soon follow. This includes lots of men who swear until they’re blue in the face that they will be lifelong bachelors. If she’s naturally good looking, of course, you get those genes; if she’s hot, well, since the human body hasn’t evolved to naturally produce makeup in all the right places yet, you can count on having significantly less attractive offspring, all things told. You may not count this among things you need to pay attention to, but these things have a way of sneaking up on you, and if you’re accustomed to having a certain kind of woman around, she’s probably the kind of woman you’ll have around when biology kicks in and blindsides you.

The more she needs to rely on artificial means to boost her beauty score, the more all this applies.

hottest coolest girls

It even applies to those naturally beautiful women you will meet (and you will meet some) who nevertheless dress extremely flashy, do their hair up perfectly, wear lots of makeup, get plastic’ed up when they get older (nose jobs, breast implants, etc.).

If she’s doing all that, she’s decided that her natural beauty simply isn’t enough.


High Maintenance?

To accentuate my own attractiveness, I took to dressing much nicer – better clothes, better hair, better facial hair. I adopted better posture, and stood and walked and gestured better. I worked out and put muscle on.

Meanwhile, my most regular going out buddy in Southern California, a naturally very handsome guy, would wear too-big-for-him t-shirts (he did wear bright red, though), maintain average posture, and have a pretty standard close-cropped haircut with just a little flip in the front of his blond hair. He worked at a gym, but I’m pretty sure he’d never touched a dumbbell in his life, his arms were so skinny.

He didn’t need to do anything more to make an immediate impression on women and get laid a lot. I did.

Naturally beautiful women vs. hot women are a lot like this. The girl who’s naturally beautiful doesn’t need to go all out to make a big first impression... she makes a good enough one just dressing however and carrying herself however.

The plainer girl, though, needs to get some flash and dazzle going on if she wants to make the same sort of impression, just like I learned to.

I and another friend used to nag my blond buddy about why he didn’t go for hotter girls than he normally did. “They’re too high maintenance,” was his reply. A third buddy and I discussed this and he said he probably had self-esteem issues.

After dating a variety of women though, I finally get what he means. It’s not the beautiful women that are “high maintenance”; it’s the flashy ones. The “hot” ones.

Why?

Mostly because they tend to have self-esteem issues, personality disorders, and need lots of love, attention, and validation. They need you to focus on them and continually help them rebuild their sense of self-worth.

I saw this very clearly with that hot girl I had a date with that went south after I’d first moved to California. I kept in touch with her over the years, and saw her occasionally, and took a shot at her occasionally, but could never get farther with her than getting her shirt off (when I discovered how nonexistent her breasts really were – was that a pushup bra you were wearing, Miss Hot Girl?).

Finally, when I spent a lot more time with her after going through a big breakup and still not getting anywhere, I gave her the boot and quickly took another girl as my new girlfriend who was, again, much more naturally beautiful than that girl, and had an amazing body.

But not only was this girl (and many of the other girls I’ve dated or slept with who were naturally beautiful) far better looking without clothes and makeup on, but her personality was better, too.

Lower maintenance, you might say.

See, the non-flashy beautiful women who are born beautiful don’t have this whole validation hounding, self-esteem infusion-needing thing going on that the flashy hot girls do.

Instead, they’re secure. They don’t need tons of attention. You can live your life, and they live theirs, and they don’t cause you outsized drama just because you had to flake on seeing them one night or took a really long time to contact them while you were out of town.

You don’t get the meltdowns that you experience over and over again with “hot” girls.

Even better than this though, they don’t play games. They don’t have time for them, and it isn’t worth it for them – they don’t need the attention, nor do they get off on the intrigue.

It turns out my friend from SoCal was partially right. The girls who dress up flashy and spend a lot of time on hair and clothes and makeup ARE high maintenance, though not because they’re attractive – it’s because they’re artificially attractive... and they’re artificially attractive because they’re high maintenance, too.


hottest coolest girls

After passing that older, ugly girl dressed up flashy and sexy today, I decided to keep my eyes peeled and pay attention to all the women I passed and see if I could find some kind of relationship between actual looks and figures and how the women were dressed and presenting themselves.

This is really hard. I’ve been taking pains to do it with faces for years, and it’s still hard.

Something I’ve also been doing lately is taking pains to do it with bodies as well. I’ve realized that I’m probably missing out on a lot of women with amazing bodies because the girls who dress more conservatively effectively conceal large busts and tiny waists a lot of the time, while the girls who dress flashier suck up more of your visual attention and make their bodies look better than they actually are once the clothes come off. I’ve had enough conservatively-dressed women at this point who’ve surprised me with incredible bodies and enough flashily-dressed women who’ve disappointed me with disappointing bodies that I’m learning I need to look out for this more too.

Anyway, in my admittedly non-scientific observations while out and about today, I came to the conclusion that there is little to no relation between how hot a girl LOOKS and how attractive her face and body actually are.

Maybe a slight inverse relationship – maybe she’s slightly less likely to be naturally attractive the flashier she is.

I noticed that, even with years of training myself to be more discerning, my eyes were still drawn automatically to the women dressed in the brightest colors and with the most fashionable styles. Usually their faces were plain at best, as were their bodies.

There were lots of other women whom I normally wouldn’t even notice any time I’m not out specifically to meet women who were actually quite beautiful AND had killer bodies, but who were dressed in just average, everyday street clothes and blended in with everyone else.

Everywhere I looked, I saw diamonds in the rough... and rough made up to look like diamonds.

It’s both surprising, and exciting when you realize this:

  • Surprising, because you realize how many really gorgeous girls you pass by every day, and who most guys complaining about how hard it is to meet women probably don’t even realize are there, and

  • Exciting, because you realize what a treasure trove for attractive women the average dense-ish town is if you just look


Are Bitter Men Chasing Bitter Women?

This brings me back to the bitter man thing. And I have to wonder... these guys who are all complaining about how women just reject them – are they chasing after flashy “hot” girls?

I suspect that many of them are.

Which, if it’s the case, is kind of a carnival of the bizarre: average men chasing after average women pretending to look like exceptional women in order to fool and sleep with exceptional men, only to be rejected by those exceptional men for relationships after a casual hook up, which gradually turns those average women pretending to be exceptional women into bitter women, who then get off on rejecting the average men chasing after them for sex and relationships, which turns those men bitter themselves.

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What a strange, odd, funny chain of events (well, maybe not so funny for the participants in this chain).

Because here’s what I know: the naturally beautiful women out there tend to be some of the nicest women you will meet, and they almost never harshly reject men. They’re just generally warm, pleasant, emotionally balanced souls.

And before you think I’m pulling that out of my behind, here’s some research to back it up:

We measure the impact of individuals’ looks on their life satisfaction or happiness. Using five data sets from the U.S., Canada, the U.K., and Germany, we construct beauty measures in different ways that allow putting a lower bound on the true effects of beauty on happiness. Personal beauty raises happiness, with a one standard-deviation change in beauty generating about 0.10 standard deviations of additional satisfaction/happiness among men, 0.12 among women. Accounting for a wide variety of covariates, including those that might be affected by differences in beauty, and particularly effects in the labor and marriage markets, the impact among men is more than halved, among women slightly less than halved. The majority of the effect of beauty on happiness may work through its effects on economic outcomes.

NON-TECHNICAL SUMMARY

We measure the impact of individuals’ looks on their life satisfaction or happiness using various sets of data from the U.S., Canada, the U.K., and Germany. The results show that:

1. Personal beauty raises happiness.

2. The majority of this positive effect comes about because personal beauty improves economic outcomes – incomes, marriage prospects, and others – that increase happiness. Thus much of the positive effect of beauty on happiness is indirect – through its effects on aspects of economic life that increase happiness.

3. The total effects of beauty on happiness are about the same for men and women. But the direct effect is larger among women – beauty affects their happiness independent of its impact on their incomes, marriage prospects, and other outcomes. Because the beauty measures are collected in a variety of ways, and because happiness is also measured in various ways, we can be quite confident in the general validity of the conclusions.

That’s from “Beauty is the promise of happiness?” (found through Barking Up the Wrong Tree). Further, attractiveness affects your health, and health has a big impact on happiness itself.

And all these effects start accumulating from a very young age – much younger than anyone learns to use makeup, pushup bras, and pumps.

So, what’ve we got?

A bunch of less happy, more likely to be bitter women dressing themselves up as flashy to better compete for high caliber men in the mating/marriage market but ending up disappointed, and ultimately doing a better job fooling the men lower down on the dating totem pole than the men higher up on it, since the men higher up get the chance to sleep with them and see them with their clothes and makeup off and realize they aren’t actually the real deal, while the men lower down never get to realize this and never take them off that pedestal.

Thus, men less successful with women pursue these flashy women relentlessly, get rejected by them perpetually, and turn bitter about them regularly.

No wonder there are so many guys out there complaining lately that women “like to reject men.” They’re chasing after women who are sorry enough souls that they actually do.


Pursuing the Wrong Women

A few more anecdotes for you before we get back to the meat.

I was at a nightclub a few months back, winging a friend of mine at a bar while he talked to a few girls. I wasn’t needed for the moment, so I reclined back against the bar and relaxed, drinking in the music and the atmosphere.

A woman then slunk up to me – flashy, in a slinky black dress, with her hair done up nicely, and she actually had sparkles sprinkled across her face and dress.

I was immediately repulsed though... after years of training myself to look at faces, that’s the very first thing I examine, and something about this girl’s face rubbed me the wrong way. I don’t know if it was how she was looking at me or her facial features were ugly beneath all that makeup, but I felt instantly ill-at-ease. She approached me and started talking to me.

Within a few minutes she had decided that whatever she was looking for, I wasn’t it, and quite rudely and publicly rejected me. I laughed to myself; I hadn’t been that publicly rejected in a long time, and never, that I can recall, by someone who’d approached me.

I suspect she was an escort trolling for marks at the bar, and just used me to position her status to everyone who might be watching – here’s this girl clearly rejecting some cool-looking, attractively dressed and appointed guy at the bar. She must be high status and desirable. I couldn’t help giving her a nod for the show she put on, throwing me under the bus to enhance her own position in the club. I guess I made a good mark... I’ll take that as a compliment, since her target was probably older men with the money and desire to spend it on a woman.

My friend, not getting anywhere with the girls he’d approached, turned to talk to me, saw her, and said something to her, only to be publicly snubbed by her himself. I laughed again, explained the situation to him, and we left that part of the bar.

I’m certain that girl probably had a guy (or two... or three) immediately start chasing her after that show. She’d just positioned herself as high status, desirable, and hard-to-get... even if it was all just an act put on for the audience. Most guys aren’t experienced enough at club dynamics that I suspect they’d be able to tell the difference between a real status event and a farce done for show like that, so for them, it’s effectively real (even though actually it was all fake).

Here’s another one about how deceptive this stuff can be.

I was in a social group some years ago where a cute young girl from Turkey joined up. I needed a ride from home to a group dinner since my car was in the shop and had arranged for her to give me one, and flirted with her through the car ride but got nowhere... she didn’t seem that interested. And truth be told, she wasn’t that cute... but at that group meeting, she was arguably the cutest girl there.

So, I went for her anyway, as did a few of the other guys there (the men there were all clearly a notch above the women). At one point, one of the other fellows pursuing her who saw I was too leaned over and playfully challenged me: “She’s up for grabs – may the best man win.” All right then, game on.

I spent the next couple of weeks trying to set things up with this girl, who was flashy and peppy but not THAT cute and not much into me at all. She actually seemed kind of spacey and out-there too... not at all my thing. Nevertheless, I managed to get her out to a nightclub, where nothing happened but some vaguely suggestive dancing and her seeming a little more into me by the end of the night, and then she went radio silent on me after that and I never talked to her again.

Looking back, this seems ridiculous to me, but at the time, she had the group halo effect going on: the prettiest girl in the group always seems like the prettiest girl EVER, even if she isn’t really all that cute.

Instead of chasing her, I could’ve put more time into meeting more women.

Instead of trying to make a party date work, I could’ve gone to that same club and talked to 10 or 20 women there (who probably would’ve mostly been cuter than that girl, and doubtless more interesting), and left with a few prospective dates or even taken one of them home.

And I think this is another thing that turns guys bitter: getting caught up chasing after some flashy girl who DOESN’T WANT THEM and getting mad that they can’t change her mind.

But I don’t care WHO you are... if she doesn’t like you, she just doesn’t like you, and you probably won’t change her mind. And all you’re going to do by spending a lot of time trying is frustrate and embitter yourself while becoming more and more obsessed.

One last anecdote, added back in after I finished writing this: I just went out and walked around, and found my eyes instincitvely drawn to a girl in a super short skirt walking with a friend of hers. I had no idea what her face looked back, but I wanted her. What happened there?

That’s a pure mating instinct, and that’s what this seems to be: women dressing provocatively trigger a deep, primal sexual urge within men that causes them to chase. The man is fooled into viewing the woman as sexually receptive (well, maybe not entirely fooled; women do dress more sexually provocative when they are sexual fertile), and he begins to chase.

Women who want male attention dress provocatively because they know this generates more male interest; women who already have enough and want to discourage excessive male interest dress the opposite.

Hence, why the girlfriend with the best body of any girl I’ve ever dated was wearing a brightly colored but otherwise unassuming and underwhelming orange t-shirt in a nightclub when I met her (and I had no idea her breasts were as breathtaking as they were until I got her clothes off), while all the other women in that nighclub had, for the most part, less exciting bodies, but better clothes that created more visual impact, with plunging necklines and dresses that drew attention to their (less impressive) cleavage. They were trying to be accentuate their bodies precisely because they had less to show off, while she was trying to do the exact opposite and avoid a stampede of men who only wanted her for her chest.


Straighten Out Your Game

I don’t have these problems any more, partly because I’ve reached a point where I have enough opportunity with women that there’s not really any reason for me to plow time into a girl who’s nonresponsive, but also partly because I’ve adopted a number of hard rules to prevent such things happening.

Those include:

  1. Look at her face FIRST. Is she actually someone you even want to pursue in the first place? Obviously, if you’re just starting out, you probably need to lower your standards (maybe drastically), but if you’re an intermediate or better you should be looking at faces religiously. Ignore the makeup. Just facial features.

  2. Look at her body seriously. You can do this without violating the peripheral vision rules we talked about before; just make sure you glimpse her from an angle where you’ll be able to view the cusps of her breast and the indent of her waist (or, alternatively, the mound of her rump, if you’re an ass man). This way you know what you’re walking into and aren’t as likely to be misled by the flashy clothes she’s wearing (that make her look better) or the ordinary or dumpy clothes she has on (that conceal a potentially awesome body underneath).

  3. Don’t chase women. Replace ‘em. No more I can say on that subject that hasn’t already been said in those articles just linked.

  4. Focus on reaching the hook point. If you don’t reach it in 5 to 10 minutes of talking to her, you will never reach it. Don’t waste your time. Move onto someone else, and go fix your fundamentals so that the next time you meet a girl like her she’ll be more likely to receive you well.

  5. Follow your process. Don’t throw it out because this girl is “a special case.” The ones you’re most likely to throw your process out on are usually the ones you least want to do this for – either because they’re out of your usual league and you’re better served by doing what you know how to do than trying to wing it, or because (more often) they just aren’t that into you. The sole exception is if you have something different you want to try that is logically thought out, as opposed to some kind of emotionally decided-upon course of action that takes you somewhere horrid, like into white knight land.

Lastly (and here’s the controversial one! You knew there was probably one coming):

  1. hottest coolest girlsTreat hot girls the same way top men do. As flings and one-night stands. If she’s flashy, she’s a LOT more likely to sick the Whirlwind of Chaos on you sooner or later (probably sooner), rest assured. If you need a girlfriend who looks good on your arm, get a genuinely, naturally beautiful woman as a girlfriend, then buy her a nice, sexy dress and ask her to wear it when you need her to look especially good. You’ll be happier, and chances are, she’ll look better in that dress than most of the women who’d usually wear something like it do. If you need her to look super good ALL the time though, maybe spend a little time figuring out why exactly that is so important to you and then spend some time to reassess.

Maybe an “extra credit” bonus bullet is “stay away from pickup forums that have too many newbies and intermediate and not enough experienced guys.” Newer guys are a lot more likely to get caught up in the “hotness trap” and spend a lot of time talking about how club hotties or whatnot are the absolute pinnacle of the mating pyramid, when what these girls actually are is normally just Plain Janes with makeup on (ask me how I know; I’ve been picking up girls in clubs since 2005, and I’ve had at least a few girlfriends who clubbed quite regularly – there are some truly beautiful / awesome women in clubs, but they’re a lower portion than what you’ll find out of the club, and most of the beautiful ones in the club are crazy anyway).

Beauty should be a bare minimum requirement for relationships for you. It isn’t the main thing you look for; it’s required. The main things you look for beyond this are something more, like happiness, great chemistry, and emotional stability.


We Make Ourselves Bitter

When people are bitter, I notice it’s always because they are going for the wrong things the wrong ways.

Invariably, they are blind to the opportunities around themselves, and try to force themselves into places they do not fit, then become bitter about it. Like the square peg trying to fit into the round hole, then getting bitter and throwing up his hands declaring how horrible it is that he doesn’t fit in any hole. He’s too good to put himself into the square hole, and besides, it’s the round hole he wants to fit in, not the square one.

If a square wants to fit into a round hole, all the complaining in the world won’t get him there. Instead, he needs to break out the sander, and shave his square edges off until he is a circle himself. At that point, he will fit into the round hole. Or if he doesn’t want to change he can always just go fit into the square hole as-is. The choice is his. Most of these angry guys don’t want to choose though; they’re just miffed the world refuses to bend to their wills.

And that’s how it is with women. I met all manner of men who complained that women didn’t want them back when I was coaching, but we could always find women who did, usually within an hour or two of fieldwork. It was mostly just that these guys didn’t know how to recognize the women who were interested... or they were too focused on flashy women, for whom they themselves were not yet flashy enough to be attractive to, but felt somehow entitled to them anyway (probably from too many Disney films about how you can have whatever you want if you just wish for it... instead of work for it).

You can certainly get flashy women if you turn yourself into the kind of man that plain women turn themselves into flashy women to get: the best of the best; the cream of the crop; the top guy in the club. That’s who flashy girls are after. They didn’t put all that work into being flashy to get Regular Joes.

Of course, you can ALSO look for genuinely beautiful women who AREN’T flashy, and who actually tend to be a lot less shallow in their dating standards.

This was actually one of the most jarring things for me when I was new to dating; watching beautiful ex-girlfriends and beautiful female friends of mine (who weren’t flashy) dating dumpy-looking guys. But they didn’t date these guys for looks; they dated them because they were charming, or interesting, or had something else going on (occasionally money/power/connections, but many times they’d date guys who made a lot less than them, too, because they liked him and he was funny and took action with them or whatnot).

So, here’s a question to ask yourself: are you going for TRULY beautiful women?

Or just the ones who catch your eye because they’ve learned how?

If it’s the latter, I bet that’s a source of a lot of the pain and frustration you experience in dating and pickup.

Not only are genuinely beautiful women nicer than these gals, you see...

Not only are they more polite, less likely to hurt your feelings, and more likely to be considerate in how they turn you down if they must turn you down...

Not only are they “lower maintenance” and less likely to mess your life up with drama if you don’t give them enough attention...

Not only is their beauty still there in the morning first thing when they wake up, no application of primer, foundation, or mascara necessary...

Not only do they not bother to play all the aloofness / superiority games that artificially hot girls love indulging in to pump their statuses...

But, truth be told? They’re easier. Because you can actually drop much of the act and just pull out what’s most cool and interesting about you and much of the time that’s kinda all you need.

If you’ve been feeling bitter or frustrated, maybe take a moment to stop and ask yourself which women you’ve been going for lately.

Is it just whoever catches your eye first? If so, I bet it’s the flashy hot girls you’re going for... and you’d probably be having a much better time of things if you spent a little while training yourself to look for the diamonds in the rough – the GORGEOUS girls who are out in the real world in camouflage, blended in with all the other masses milling about, but hiding stunning faces and killer bodies beneath faded baseball caps and boring t-shirts.

This is the thing that the guys who get girls figure out after a while. It’s why you see that cool guy with a girlfriend who’s really pretty but also really laid back and chill and not pretentious.

It’s not an accident.

Thing is, those girls are all over the place – but you won’t find them following where your eyes are naturally drawn to, because your autopilot is easily fooled by those who want your attention.

If you want the women who AREN’T climbing all over each other for male attention, you must train yourself to look past the window dressing and find the girls who’ve got the whole package without the advertising.

If you can do this, you’ll almost certainly very quickly become a very happy, very satisfied, and very NOT bitter man.

Chase

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Comments

John C's picture

Nice article


A month back I did the exactly same thing you are writing about and it worked. Now, I have a naturally beatiful, but very down to earth, no playing games girlfriend,

Great article Chase !

David Riley's picture

Success Story


Hey John,

I'm glad to hear about your success and I wish you the best in your relationship.

Take care,

Just Dave

Anonymous's picture

Chase, you ever mentioned to


Chase, you ever mentioned to find
someone women find sexy ( generally a celebrity ) and copy him. (posture,
movement, facial expressions, dressing style,...)
I'm quite young so I think that the actor Ian Somehalder is a good
role model. However, I can't help thinking that he is so good with girls only
because of his amazing good looks. I ALWAYS hear girls comment
on his looks ONLY, never on his walk, movement, .....
Your opinion? And do you think that Ian Somerhalder is a good model
when it comes to sexiness?

David Riley's picture

James Bond and Ian Somehalder


Hey Anon,

Ian Somehalder is like you said an example of a good looking guy who women fawn over because of his good looks. I'm sure Ian does have some fundamentals that do help him get laid other than his celebrity status. Here's the thing looks without fundamentals is not going to get you laid.

When you look at someone like James Bond, he's a perfect example. He's got the sexy style that makes women go nuts. Now granted I know he's not a "real" person, but when you watch the films you want to mimic her mannerisms, such as:

Leading
Cool under pressure
Decisive
Not afraid to take action
Makes moves on women
Isn't consumed with one woman
How he moves slow

These are the same fundamentals that we strive to teach men on the website and ultimately the same thing you want to mimic. Now with Ian he's a good example of good looks. James Bond is an example of a overall complete sexy package, and how to become sexy.

Take care,

Just Dave

esahc etnama's picture

Chase, please make an article


Chase, please make an article on hairstyles.
For now, I have a question concerning this. Your advise Chase/Dave will be helpful.
I'm an Asian guy, athletic looking with dark brown skin tone.
I wear small, sophisticated rectangular glasses. Based on my details,
what hairstyle do you think will suit me best? My actual hairstyle
is quite short and spikey hair. And oh, I forgot to mention : long hair
is NOT attractive on me so advise me only stylish and sexy short or medium length haircuts .
Thanks guys.

Anonymous's picture

As a fellow Asian man, I've


As a fellow Asian man, I've tried various hairstyles. The ones that work for me would be Daniel Craig's hairstyle in Casino Royale and Brad Pitt in Meet Joe Black. My hairstylist has also tried somewhat spikey hairstyles on me though I would have to be wearing contacts in order for that style to work on me. In order words, the hairstyle is incongruent to what people assume about me as an Asian man, especially in my work environment as an engineer. You can still project masculinity through body language by doing things such as having a good posture, a sexy walk, and bulging biceps.

Also, have you considered wearing contacts? I, too, am muscular in build with dark skin tone. I noticed that with glasses on, even with my really toned biceps showing that I still look nerdy and wimpy. As soon as the glasses come off, I see a world of difference.

I call it the Clark Kent-Superman Paradox.

esahc etnama 's picture

Thanks for the advise, man,


Thanks for the advise, man, really helpful.
For the contacts, I will definitely get them but in some time.
However, I have tried taking off my glasses when I didn't need
them and yes, I passed from Clark Kent to Superman!

David Riley's picture

Noted


Hey Guys,

I will let Chase and the other authors know about the possibility of an article on hairstyles for Asian men.

Just Dave

Michal's picture

Hi, Chase. I kinda got into


Hi, Chase.
I kinda got into eye what "hot" really means, I dont know how and why exactly. Anyways as you mentioned I always looked at the face first because that is where beauty is, body can be shaped and changed. However some of your articles made me think of this how hottest girls want best guys. I understand that and it reasonable but then again I know I am not the best in my area and I am pretty sure there is some guy in her social circle that is her wanna-be-with-him guy. Maybe he screwed up and is out of picture for her and she friend-zoned him but that would not fall under the term that she wants him but there are some obstacles.

Also as I see for most of these girls life in a week is what I do in cca. 18 days. I mean visiting this place, going there, seeing this movie, etc. It shows me they are on a different level and I dont feel entitled to even try anything on her - these are girls at work. With those I approach I have no idea what their real value is just by her behaviour but I am still scared that at one point she might realize there is value gap in between us and lose her.

So I focus on my life mostly, improving areas there and I get challenged a lot nowadays. Especially by (former) friends who try to keep me down at their level. Like "You exercise so much but you dont seem to be physically enhanced". Basically attacking my working out gym sessions. You said high value people dont deal with it because they dont have time to deal with everyone. So I ignore this guy because he would keep saying shit with his own reasons. But where is that line where you "just get" challenged and where it is basically attack on you as a person? When I twist that statement a lot it can mean like he does not approve my "wanting" of being bigger and stronger and that playing football is more important.

Michal

David Riley's picture

Work and Working Out


Hey Michal,

You often want to avoid hitting on women at your job until you've become really experienced. It's like cutting a wire, cut the wrong wire and your toast. When practicing your skills in seduction, it's best to practice on girls you won't see again. Basically, you wanna focus on cold approaches. This way if you mess up during an interaction, its okay because there's no consequence.

Now as far as your friend hating on the fact you're working out, people will do that. People for some reason get mad when you attempt to improve yourself. The reason is a lot of times they're jealous because they don't have the courage to improve themselves. The thing about it is you can't let people stop you from doing what you love. Because then you'll be at the same level they are. A lot of times you have to explain to people you're doing it for you. If they don't like, they have to deal with it. You have your own life to live and people have already lived there's.

Take care,

Just Dave

The M's picture

Hmm?


Hey Chase,

OK, I love the main point of the article and will apply it, but I'm also a bit confused by some things you mentioned.

Fundamentals: In your "cold approach works better than anything else" article, you contrasted the differences in the thought process of a (flashy?) girl being approached by the nerdy dumpy guy vs. the attractive guy. Attractive guy won big-time. But HERE, you're saying that your truly beautiful girlfriends went right ahead and dated the nerdy dumpy guys because of their cool and interesting personalities, etc. So...what happened? Can I be nerdy and dumpy and get a truly beautiful girl?

Love at first sight: It seems that your gut reaction is leading you to the well dressed/made-up girls, like the first online dating girl you mentioned - you were "in love" right away. But then the ones that are really beautiful and great for you are actually the ones who don't give you that feeling?

Personality issues: You drew a comparison between yourself and the hot girls - you both have to dress great, get expensive haircuts, work out, etc. to look good. And they apparently have lots of personality/self-esteem problems. How come you don't have all those same personality problems?

Caliber without beauty: Here's something that I don't think has been mentioned on this site before. What about girls who are less beautiful? And not flashy. But still high-caliber in other ways. If you look at top women in many fields, they don't have the most stunning facial/body features, and they're certainly not flashy, but they have a level of focus and ambition and achievement that would blow a lot of pretty faces/bodies out of the water. Even though I am more attracted to the pretty girls, is it really a good idea to rule out these less pretty but more accomplished girls?

Best,
The M

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Hmm?

Author

M-

There's always a chance, but also bear in mind that there are LOTS of frumpy guys but comparatively fewer pretty girls who want to date them. Most of these guys when they get a girl like this are floored because it's the only time they've had a girl like her (and they won't get another one like her after she gets bored and breaks up with them).

Nothing's ever guaranteed, but fixing your fundamentals vs. staying frumpy is the difference between giving yourself a 1-out-10 shot vs. staying put at a 1-out-1000 shot... or thereabouts.

Re: in love - can only speak for myself, but with every girlfriend I've had I felt a strong "Wow - that girl" emotion that made me certain this was a girl I HAD to have. It's some kind of compatibility thing. Some were dressed flashily when I met them, but others were not at all. The feeling with a standard issue sexy girl in revealing clothes is excitement, but not the same. In the case of the first girl, we really did end up having a strong connection, and while she didn't check my logical boxes, emotionally she did.

Personality issues - who said I didn't? ;) Anyway, it's a spectrum - at the extreme end of the male spectrum I suppose you'd have the guys who are super conscious about their bodies, put on solid muscle and keep all the fat off, wear only the finest clothes, etc., and those will generally be the guys with the most weird psychological stuff going on. I'm not as extreme - I go out in t-shirts all the time, wear my glasses instead of contact lenses, let my hair get crazy, etc. If I had to guess, I'm in the "above average" box of flashiness / madness.

Or there may be sex differences - in most species, the males make themselves flashy for drab females, and females pick the flashiest male to mate with. Some guys try to do this with wealth; others with social status; some guys try to use fashion, posture, nonverbal, etc. fundamentals.

Re: high caliber, less attractive women - well, I never said what your standards had to be! That's very different for everyone. Even if you set a standard of "must be beautiful", that's highly subjective from guy to guy. Often what Guy A thinks is a stunner Guy B is not attracted to, and vice versa. And it's quite common for unattractive women to be so charismatic or such stunning conversationalists that men compete for them regardless - Cleopatra was this way, for instance - unattractive, but so poised and stately that the most powerful men in the world all courted her hand.

Chase

The M's picture

Answers


Thanks for the fast reply, Chase! As usual, you cleared up my confusion with admirable precision.

M

moonriver's picture

Another Gem


Chase:

Dude, you have the gift of clarity, my friend. This post just nails it.

And your writing talents are killer. You have this ability to distill complex subjects in plain English while still sprinkling in a few rhetorical gems ... whether it be the "carnival of the bizarre" or "whirlwind of chaos", those phrases beautifully capture the moment. As they say, brevity is the soul of wit.

Keep up the good work.

Anonymous's picture

faked look


Lol Chase you remind me of the story about a chinese who got birth to an ugly child and the man complained, he even opened a case against his wife only to found out that his wife used plastic surgery before they met. She was supposed to pay some cash more than $100 000 lol because the man won the case!

David Riley's picture

Laugh out Loud


Hey Anon,

I actually laughed reading that comment. Yes, men do have to be careful about the type of women they court.

Just Dave

Gentle_Phrases's picture

Seriously confused


Chase, this article makes me feel uneasy. I can't tell if it's because you're drawing nearer to some sort of strange truth or because you're suggesting a mental model that feels like it has an important part missing...or both.

Interesting stuff. Really has me thinking.

If in your experience naturally beautiful women so often end up with dumpy-frumpy guys, who don't parallel them in looks or lifestyle, couldn't making yourself a much more attractive man (in the "hot" sense via cosmetics, surgery, dominance, and an expensive gym membership) make you LESS attractive to them? In fact, the "flashier" you become in that sense, the more you'd be more likely to attract "hot" women who are screening for such qualities...the sort of women who are the most apt to reject you with impunity. So wouldn't there be a different self-improvement "route" to follow to attract naturally beautiful women, so to speak?

Krauserpua runs a pretty good blog on daygame with plenty of proof of his exploits. The other day he sent out a tweet that really puzzled me. He said:

"Some players fuck habitual sluts. Some players fuck normal girls on their occasional indiscretion. It's not the same game."

How do you feel about that?Is there some connection here?

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Seriously confused

Author

GP-

Note this - "who don't parallel them in looks or lifestyle" - not what I said! People tend to choose mates who are at a certain level of mate value to them. So, for instance, for one girl, a gorgeous surfer dude with a good sense of humor but who's kind of a bum may have roughly the same mate value as an average-looking guy who's rather charming and is successful in his career. The one guy's the "fun" guy she'll date for kicks, the other's the "serious" guy she'll want as a boyfriend, but she'll find both attractive. Of course, she'd LIKE the guy who's the whole package, but he may not be accessible to her.

As for whether upping your looks or other attractive things about yourself making it harder to get girls - yes, it does, if you don't make the corresponding adjustments to make yourself more attainable. Why is why attainability is such a huge part of attraction! All things being equal though, a highly attractive man who still seems attainable to her is going to be more desirable than a less attractive man who's also attainable... but highly attractive, attainable men are very rare commodities for nearly all women; most are forced to make compromises in their dating choices.

As for Krauser's quote - that's a great quote, and very true. If I had to point out a connection, it's that flashy girls do tend to be sexually looser, whereas less flashy girls tend to be the "normal" girls, yes. Not always; lots of exceptions (especially among the "non-flashy girls" category); but that's generally the rule. That's probably another contributing reason to why some guys get so frustrated about it - they know the flashy girls are sleeping with lots of guys, but they won't sleep with THEM, which feels quite "unfair"... everybody else gets to dip his breadstick in these girls' garlic butter sauce, so why can't he? Sleeping with slutty girls is not an issue of just showing up though (unless you're really good looking); there's actually a certain kind of game they need. Personally, I had a much harder time with "sluts" for a number of years than I did with "normal" girls... it took me a number of years to reach the point I could sleep with them consistently, actually (mostly attainability issues, but also some things they are looking for that I did not used to provide).

Chase

Gentle_Phrases's picture

Killer Comment Bro


“…Not what I said!” Whoops, didn't mean to put words in your mouth there. Thanks for the clarification, Chase. I'll reread that part of your ebook.

*Lol, I appreciated your garlic butter joke, by the way, you perv ;)

"Sleeping with slutty girls…there's actually a certain kind of game they need." - light-bulb moment! I had an experience in a club last week that validated your comment AND this entire post *forehead slap*.

Cliff Notes:

Two sisters attractive sisters "adopted" me for the entire night in a club and wouldn't let me out of their sight (so serious) after I approached them with my VERY best effort. I got to watch the "hot/bitchy/scantily clad" sister hunt for and get plenty of free drinks, invited to the VIP (she dragged me along and the guys let me in JUST because I was "with her"), orbited - yet not approached - by men much more attractive than me, and given multiple invitations to "after-parties."

The "beautiful/NON-flashy/conservatively dressed" sister, who was very, very pretty - objectively moreso than her sister - received no approaches that night, other than mine.

...

+1

Funman's picture

Places to meet beautiful women?


Hi Chase,

Great article as always.

1) Are they any venues you meet beautiful girls? Perhaps any hobbies etc? Do you mostly meet beautiful girls via social circle?

2) Any places to avoid when you are looking to meet beautiful girls?

3) Does your outer game changes when talking with beautiful girls in comparison to when communicating with hot girls?

Thanks in advance,

Funman

David Riley's picture

Article Links


Hey Funman,

Here are some helpful article relating to what you asked about.

Where to Meet Girls
Difference When talking to a Hot Girl
How to Start a Conversation with a Hot Girl

Let me know if you have anymore questions.

Take care,

Just Dave

Gentle_Phrases's picture

.


.

Tyler's picture

Fantastic Post


Hey Chase,
Thanks for taking the time to write this insightful piece. It was an excellent read and totally resonated with me. It sure is easy to be distracted by the flash, but I'll be keeping my eyes peeled for those diamonds in the rough!
Tyler

Anonymous's picture

Dismissing Flashy Girls' Requests


So if by chance that "accidentally" a guy bedded with one of those flashy girls, then how does the guy dismiss her requests after, like relationship or future meetings? Surely the guys that bedded her before left her bitter, so is there way around that?

David Riley's picture

Too Busy


Hey Anon,

A lot of times you can tell a girl you're too busy for a relationship. I can girls that I travel a lot and do a lot of work projects, so I won't be around that much. This shifts the blame more on myself, this way she won't personally feel rejected and bitter. Women will only get mad when you promise them a relationship and then don't deliver.

Take care,

Just Dave

Jamar's picture

Wait Hold Up!!


Hey Chase hold up a second.
So your saying approach the natural beauties instead of the girl puppets because they generally nicer. But wouldn't ut necessarily still be bad if a girl who is nice is generally not mean hard for her if shes not interested. I mean what if your chasing her and shes pressured to be vague about her feelings so she doesn't.

Franco's picture

Simple: Don't Chase!


Jamar,

There's a simple answer to this one: don't chase her and she doesn't have to be mean. =)

Although, in most cases, you'll just find that the nice girls tend to stop responding to your text messages and phone calls after awhile because they aren't sure how else to tell you "no" without offending you.

- Franco

Colt Williams's picture

Beautiful Girl Pressure


Jamar,

Franco is absolutely right. When of my best girl friends is gorgeous and she is one of the sweetest girls I know. She'll go on dates with pretty much any guy who has some level of value just to give him a chance. If she ends up not being interested, she hates being mean. Even when I call her out on it, she'll say "I don't want to be mean to him. I'll just ignore him and hope he gets the point :-)"

-Colt

David Riley's picture

Everyone


It seems like everyone knows a girl like this. I cosign what Franco said and endorse Colt because I know girls like this too. Unfortunately, most guys will still hopelessly chase these girls.

Just Dave

Anonymous's picture

Hah, loved this post, quite


Hah, loved this post, quite eye-opening,witty, and loved the anecdotes too! Keep them coming!

Driver's picture

Validation


Awesome article man.

On the subject of validation, I was wondering what you think about stripping a girl of validation, or withholding validation to get her to chase. Is this something you do or would recommend? I've had success with it and it's boosted my results, and some girls chase harder than I've ever seen until I mess up and validate them. I feel bit bad doing it but as long as they see me as having even slightly higher status/value it works.

Examples would be obviously patronizing them if they try to impress. Telling them that what they're trying to impress me with is boring. Etc.

You might know where I got this idea from. Another great in the community. I was wondering where you stand on it. I don't think I've ever seen you write on it. Thanks. Cheers man.

J's picture

Girls who cut themselves


Hey guys question, is a girl who cuts herself.... even once worth going for I like one girl in particular but didn't know she cut herself is she emotionally stable or should i becareful

David Riley's picture

Distance


Hey J,

When a person mutilates themselves, even if it happened just "once", they need some help. The thing about dealing with emotional people is they are very unpredictable and spontaneous. You never know what they may end up doing. Another thing too is you don't want someone like that to get attached to you because it make them behave worse. People tend to get upset over things they can't control. The mentality normally for someone who cuts themselves is because they feel it's the only pain they can "control". I would avoid it because it will affect your overall mindset. I'm sure she may seem like a cool girl but it's best to distance yourself before its too late. I use to go to school that had some depressed girls in it, and they cut themselves. It was very sad, but unfortunately there was nothing I could do to really help them. Except tell someone else so they could get the help they need. Just my thoughts.

Take care,

Just Dave

Anonymous's picture

Experience girls getting cold


Hi Chase/David:

Writing from India. This is what happened recently in a big city in India with me :D

I met a girl in a queue for lunch in college. While talking we started flirting and all and we moved to a table where she chose to sit away from her classmates even though she had just met me. Then she mentioned in the course of the conversation 5 times no less that I must be knowing this city really well. I guess she wanted me to show her around and I told her I would. I gave her my number and we exchanged the numbers. She had a class-we are college students-so she went off for her class. I messaged her her that she could call me when she wanted to explore the city :). She responded immediately that she would for sure. A few hours later I phoned up and casually said we could go to a nearby restaurant and have dinner there. Then she said that she and her friends were planning to go out to eat and asked me to join. So we all went off for dinner-though my instinct told me not to :(. In the auto rickshaw ride to and from the restaurant we were travelling together and even together she kept playing with her hair all the time. In the restaurant too she told me that we should go out together on Saturday morning for breakfast and that she was so keen to see every part of the city, after which I said that we would do so. When we finally reached the college, I moved her to a place and we chatted for a while. She got a call, and quickly ended it. I (perhaps stupidly) asked her whether that was her boyfriend/significant other. She got uncomfortable and said it was just a friend and that she had to leave. I walked her to her place, which is an apartment complex near the college. At the complex gate she said she has an early morning class and so she would have to go inside. There was a male security guard there-and this is India-though a very liberal city and college-and I got cold feet about actually going inside. She gave me her hand but I hugged her from the side. Then I asked her how her schedule looked and she said about group outings but I pointed out that that we could go out-just the two of us. She nodded her head and I held her hand for a few seconds. I then messaged her at night that it was great talking to you "pretty girl" and that I would see her tommorrow. After half an hour she messaged stating that "yeah sure thanks :)". In the morning because of various reasons I didn't run into her and at lunch though I messaged her, I couldn't make it to the lunch table because of some work. So effectively I would up telling her I would meet her at lunch but did not do so. Later on, in the afternoon and evening I called her up-as I did not want to sit around doing nothing-and casually enquired how her schedule looked during the weekend and whether she would be free during the weekend. She told me on phone and in person-that she had to go attend something during the weekend and that she had to get cracking on her project. So from being madly keen to go out with me
What went wrong and where? Can anybody diagnose this? What could I have done differently?
Also, after I started working on my fundamentals like posture, dress, voice and so on., I notice more girls paying attention, giving me second and even third looks and responding more warmly-thanks Chase-but the big problem I have is a girl being very nice to me in the beginning and very warm but later getting cold and aloof completely. For a long time I used to just imagine that things would simply happen but now I have gotten used to the idea of actually approaching and asking for dates. This was the first time I did so-that too on the day I met the girl-and now I know she must have been attracted to me that she chose to sit with me over her own classmates. But was my big mistake not calling her soon after her class ended? It ended at 4 pm and I called at 7.30-800 pm to invite her for dinner. Anyway, thanks for your help-first time in my life I even asked a girl for a date within just a day or two! But how to avoid girls getting cold?

Gem's picture

Great Article


Wonderful reflective piece Chase… honestly there’s a ton I could comment and discuss regarding this article but will relieve you of having to sit and read through a long verbose thread of that sort.

I’ll be extra wary (in the days to come) of keeping my eyes peeled for beautiful women separate from the hot women my eyes are magnetically pulled to.

Hope all is well with you and that your other startups are coming along all right :)

-Gem

David Riley's picture

Assistance


Hey Gem,

I'm glad you got something from this article and even after reading yesterday, I saw a difference in my interactions with women. One thing I want to note that since Chase has me helping out with comments, I have noticed him answering guys questions lately on articles. Feel free to say whatever is on your mind and if you need help with something I feel Chase should answer himself, I'll pass it on too him.

Take care,

Just Dave

Gem's picture

Hey Dave, Thanks for the


Hey Dave,

Thanks for the reply… noted on the thought about the comments… I’ve read on and off from girlschase for quite a while now and various pieces of what Chase has had to say have been key elements in causing me to shift paradigms and form/consider new viewpoints (many of which have become central and rudimentary in regard to my life today).

I really respect Chase and all he does. In addition I’ve always known that it’s important to be around and learn from your heroes. That thought plus me having a really insatiable curiosity (that has gotten me in trouble more than a few times) has led me to coming back to this site time and again to ask Chase about stuff that has stumped me (usually asking about business or philosophical puzzlers more than seduction; stuff that I’ve been entertaining in my head but couldn’t really ask anyone other than a wise, learned mentor).

Glad to see that you and some of the other capable/accomplished senior members of the site are taking some of Chase’s workload answering the questions (I knew that the day would come where the opportunity cost for Chase of answering all the comments all the time would depreciate to a nadir).

Will ask you/Chase any important questions I have in the future and look forward to reading the articles to come of the site :)

-Gem

David Riley's picture

No Worries


No Worries Gem,

It's what we're here to do, Chase has done so much for all of us, it's time we help him out a bit. I'm glad to her about things going well for and you talking on bigger and more challenging positions. Any question you have in the posts that I feel Chase could definitely answer, I will pass on to him. I'm glad to hear that you are still reading the sight and getting very constructive things out of it.

Take care,

Just Dave

Anonymous's picture

Experienced gettin cold??


Dear Anon,
As you know the principles of gaming are a lot different in INDIA. being an Indian i must say moving them TOO FAST and bedding them here would defenitely backfire unless she`s a W . The best thing that works in INDIA is not to put em on pedestal and never ever CHASE THEM, i mean NEVER.She must be gettin huge amount of texts and calls from other guys already .What have you done to make yourself stand out from the rest??.The posture ,voice ,Dressing everything and the response is a huge plus.But I`m not quite sure about the amount of texts and phone calls in such a short span.That sounds little pushy and needy for a first date.Especially a date with her friends and the Question about the Phone call .That must have killed the game.She must have smelled the desperation. Always remember to

1. Keep your frame.
2. Never Chase.
3. Be nonchalant with phone calls or any other distractions unless ur in LOVE.
4. Abundance mentality.

But every little experience will make your game lot better.:)

Happy fishing

Anonymous's picture

Anonymous, being an Indian


Anonymous, being an Indian your response was timely. Much of what this site says is indeed useful and has already slowly started having an effect. What do you mean when you say "keep your frame?". Also, when you like a girl and want to invite her for a date, how exactly do you do it without making it feel like you're shoehorning her into your schedule? I ask this because when you do ask a girl for a date, this site says you shouldn't ask her to call you etc. It says take the path of least resistance. So how to ask for a date in India in a way that leaves it clear you respect her so want to it be when she is free. So you want to ask her what time/day works for her. How to do so? Also, how soon after you realize you like a girl should you ask for a date-in Indian situations? How fast can you move?

Secondly, I am trying to slowly ramp up my sexiness and attractiveness. I want to work on one aspect at a time. Right now I am trying to be more attractive to women in general rather than winning over a particular girl. In particular my fashion sense. Any other tips for a guy working on his sexiness?

Anonymous's picture

Blushing


Hey Dave,
I am starting to turn myself into a man because of this site, and now I have noticed that girls are giving me attention, in my highschool, I was with a group of friends, and some other girls came over to my group, and we all talked eventually one girl fake "whispered" to another girl saying I was handsome, the other girl replied "yea hes hot", I looked at them and gave a small smile and Blushed, I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks, this has been going on for several weeks now, where I am in a hallway and girl passes and smiles at me, or a girl calls my name or something, or a girl stands close to me in class and whispers in my ear, I am not used to girls acting this way towards me, I always blush and I guess pretty bashful, I just want my cheeks to stop getting red, how do I stop this? How do I stop blushing?

One other question, if a girl flirts with me in the group we are in, can I call her on it and participate, like "your just trying to butter me up so you can get in my pants" or something like that, or will the girl distance herself from me after to not seem sexual?

David Riley's picture

Just Relax


Hey Anon,

In high school, I actually found that if you rub your cheeks and relax it will stop blood from going that direction for the most part. Now depending on your complexion is won't completely stop it. For the most part you want to contain yourself and relax. Take some deep but non noticable breaths and just keep cool. You have to treat these comments like they're no big deal. The girls are more than likely doing it because they like seeing the effect it has on you. They more than likely believe it's cute and or adorable. This could help or hurt you depending how you allow it to play out. In high school it's okay for guys to be cute ,but by the time you're 19 to 21 women will want you to be more sexy. This is why I refer to high school as the more forgiving time period with girls because they're figuring things out just like you.

As far as the comments, depending on the group the but line to use would be "You probably say that to every guy don't you." You can use the one about her getting into your pants when your talking to just her. Otherwise some people in the group will take it the wrong way. This typically applies if the girls don't see you already as a edgy and bad boy type of guy. You can gradually wean your way into more sexual comments, but you don't want to start right off the bat with them. As a result you can easily transition from cute to sexy in no time. Hope that helps.

Take care,

Just Dave

Anonymous's picture

Great article.


It's funny I always have said to my friends that if I do get married it would most probably be to a very pretty girl, not a super "hot" one.

And you highlighted all the points of why I've been saying this for a while.

Good stuff, Chase.

David Riley's picture

Down to Earth Girls . . .


Are the Best Girls ;)

Anonymous's picture

Regret


Can you ask one of the writers to make an article on how to make a woman regret dumping or cheating on you?

David Riley's picture

Noted


Hey Anon,

I will let Chase and the other authors know about your request.

Just Dave

Bolt's picture

How to Really Find Beautiful Girls


Hey Chase/Dave,
After reading this article and the "How much do looks matter in romantic success?" I'm curious, how do you guys really tell if a woman is beautiful beyond the makeup? I've been looking at pictures of celebrities with and without makeup and jeez makeup can make a huge difference (just google Scarlet Johansson no makeup). I've been finding it hard to tell how beautiful some of these women are. For example, I'd see a picture of a celebrity posing sexily and wearing makeup and then I'd look at her image with no makeup and she's not nearly as stunning! So my question is how can you really get an idea of how a woman would look if she wasn't striking a sexy pose and wearing tons of makeup?

David Riley's picture

Headshot


Hey Bolt,

To answer your question, I highly recommend looking at the face, and I mean really look at it. I was at the gym today when I noticed a slender and curvy woman working out next to me who was staring at me. I looked in her direction and I was so taken aback but how hideous her face was all I could say was "hi". I said it just to be polite and then went back to my work out. Everything was great but her face, otherwise known as a butter face.

Another example actually happened after I got done working out at Chipotle. I walked into Chipotle and was standing in line and I noticed a short petite girl behind me. I started to open her then realized that she got had way too much make up on. I was so turned off that I just let our conversation fade off. A girl can get implants, work out as much as she wants too, but unless she gets cosmetic surgery there isn't much she can do about her face. That's why I highly recommend checking out her face first. Hope that helps.

Take care,

Just Dave

luc's picture

Why alpha if high quality girls aren't superf


You mention high quality naturally beautiful girls dating dumpy-looking guys because they're not superficial.

If these girls don't care much about style themselves and don't care so much about how their BFs look, why bothering with "game" and top notch style and walking with splayed legs and all that "alpha male: stuff?

David Riley's picture

Fundamentals!


Hey Luc,

The answer is fundamentals not every guy is spectacular at holding a conversation. Even if a girl's boyfriend isn't just superficial he had to know how to get women interested in him. He had to know how not to put her on a pedestal and chase her. He would have had to spend time to know what makes him appear sexy to women. He would have had to develop a sexy walk and smile. He would have to had learned how to be decisive and make a move. He more than likely knew how to lead these toward sex with her. These are a lot of facts that guys tend to overlook when dealing with women.

Here's the mind blowing thing, men and women look for different traits to measure attraction. While a man looks at a girl and instantly thinks she's either cute or not and then chooses to approach. Women tend to look more at a man's personality. I'm not saying you can look like a bum because you still have to look decent. Women want to know are you an exciting guy or a regular everyday guy. Women want men who understand their emotions and can connect with them. Now this is where must guys stop, they build emotional connections. However, if you build an emotional connection with a women with a sexual connection. You end up as her friend.

Game is necessary for guys to not get caught up in the wrong girls. Game gives guys a better shot of dealing with women. Because a lot of times everyday guys are clueless about dealing with women. Women on the other hand have been studying how to deal with men for years. This is why a lot of times women may appear cold and heartless to guys who get rejected by them. On the contrary these women know what they want and a lot of guys don't fit that picture. Game gives guys a better shot of fitting the picture that helps them attract women.

Take care,

Just Dave

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