When I first moved to California, I set up a number of dates in advance (thanks, online dating!) so that I’d be able to hit the ground running when I got there.
My first date I set up for one week after I’d arrived (I wanted a little time to unpack and make my place presentable first... plus, after a 5-day cross-country drive, I really just wanted to settle in for a few days and see some friends in town before I dialed up on girls).
When that first date showed up one week later, I was floored – she’d looked good in her pictures, but in person she was absolutely smoking hot. I fell instantly in love. But she never quite reciprocated those emotions to me, and when we ended up back at my apartment at the end of the date and I tried to kiss her, she rejected this, told me she was uncomfortable, and left.
My second date was the next night. For this date, I drove about 30 minutes north of town and met her near where she lived. She met me wearing a white, modest wedding-style dress (unbeknownst to me, she’d apparently just gotten married – when I saw it, I thought, “Is that a wedding dress? Nah... there’s no way,” but apparently, it was), sipping a plastic cup of champagne. She was very cute, with a quite attractive face and waist-length hair, but I wasn’t super impressed at the time. We slept together a few hours later, and I was pretty happy then, because not only did she have a pretty face and great hair, but her body was absolutely killer. I hadn’t really realized it when I saw her in her modest (wedding) dress.
The girl from the first date I saw a few more times over the years, and only years later did I realize that face-wise, she wasn’t really that cute. And body-wise, well, she was thin by American standards, but not so by international ones, and her breasts were non-existent.
She just dressed and acted sexy. Bright colors, big
sunglasses that left more of her face to the imagination, alternately
suggestive and aloof behavior, like what we talked about in “Elegance, Sexiness, and Average, Normal
Yet, she’d been the one I was excited about, while the one who was the whole package I’d merely thought “meh” at the time about.
And I see so many guys doing this all the time, getting caught up on the wrong girls, and then getting bitter because of how those girls treat them.
It’s kind of a clown show that we all fall victim to.
I caught a gal with my peripheral vision as I was walking today and couldn’t help but check her out. She was wearing a light summery white shirt, with a white sash that fell down just over her chest, accentuating and calling attention to her breasts, which looked like they might be implants from what I could tell (the shirt was somewhat sheer).
Beneath this, she wore tight, tiny jean shorts that really made her hips stand out and showed off a lot of leg. Her hair was long and luxurious, and her walk was sexy. I abandoned protocol on peripheral vision and decided to take a look at her face.
Her face was... quite ugly. Also, old. But, especially, ugly.
This made me think about beauty vs. hotness again. I’ve discussed it
several times on here before, most notably in the article “How Much Do Looks Matter for Romantic
Success?” That’s the one that included images demonstrating
how genuinely plain many “hot” girls actually. We also discussed this
in “What’s Different When You Talk to a Hot
And I think this goes a fair way toward explaining a lot of men’s frustration with women. We’ve been seeing more comments on this site lately (many of which get moderated into oblivion because they’re not helpful or curious, just negative emotional venting) from guys saying things like, “No, women don’t want men, they just want to REJECT men! It’s ALL they want!!”
Which seems really silly to me, and seemed nonsensical to me before
I started thinking about this, but now I think I’ve got why it’s
happening and why there are men who think that way.
Men in general are quite obsessed with “hot” girls, but men who
start learning seduction in particular seem to be quite fixated on
them. I don’t know if guys turn to seduction in frustration at
being able to get those hot girls, or if there’s some sort of cultural
effect in the pickup world that drives men to place “hot” girls on a
taller pedestal than other women, but
one way or another “hotness” becomes the shining ideal to end all
ideals. Just see the 1-to-10 scale, so rampant among
men in PUA but not nearly so outside of it (I’d never used it in my
life prior to stumbling on the pickup community, nor did any guy I
If a man can achieve a hot woman, goes the thinking anyway, he is more “man” then the other men around him.
The Allure of Hotness
Men have always pursued beauty as status symbols and recognition of their own value as men. You can read about antiquity and how jealously men vied for extraordinarily attractive women, elevating them from peasants to princesses and showing them off on their arms for all to see.
Because I am a “strip away all the flash and glamour and see what’s left underneath” kind of guy... a “let’s get down to brass tacks” kind of guy... a “time to see what’s left when the veneer rubs off” kind of guy... I’ve pretty naturally trained myself to look for what women look like beneath the clothes and the makeup and the polish.
I don’t care what she looks like tonight; what’s she going to look like tomorrow morning?
I had a discussion with a friend of mine not so long ago who dated a “hot” girl for a number of years about this. He laughed and said yeah, every morning as soon as she would wake up she would dash off to the bathroom and spend an hour in there getting ready before he was even allowed to see her.
And you might say, well, what’s the difference if she’s naturally got it or she has to go spend an hour putting it on? So long as she spends that hour every day, effectively they’re the same.
But of course, they’re not the same.
There are some major differences between artificially hot women (who make up the lion’s share of what most men consider “hot”) and naturally (genetically) beautiful women:
How flashy they are. If you’ve read (or watched; there’s a new movie out now) The Great Gatsby, you know the difference between “old money” and “new money” – old money is subtle and subdued and regal; new money is flashy and gaudy and in-your-face. Just compare your average rap star who’s recently fallen into wealth with a trust fund baby. The former is suited up in gaudy jewelry and excess, and brags about his wealth obsessively, while the latter is dressed much more conservatively and usually doesn’t mention his wealth. Even though the latter often has far more actual wealth than the former. Artificially hot women vs. genuinely beautiful women? Same deal. The girl who’s born with it is just used to it, and in fact shies away from too much extra attention to it. The girl who’s acquired it, though, wants EVERYBODY to see it.
How bitchy they are. With great power comes great responsibility, and women who are born beautiful learn early on to be nice people because they hold a lot of power over men’s hearts. Women who aren’t born this way though often have self-esteem and attitude issues; “ugly on the outside, ugly on the inside” goes the saying. And when they finally figure out how to make themselves “hot”? Get ready for their revenge on men – these are the girls who really DO enjoy rejecting men... because they weren’t in that position for most of their lives. It’s the same any time you give great power to someone who isn’t used to it – abuse goes with the territory.
How secure (or not) they are. Deep down, the girl who’s all dressed up knows that, to some degree, it isn’t her all these men want... it’s her makeup, her flash, and her dress. Often these girls have a history of disappointing experiences with men, where their flashiness allows them to snag men who’d normally be out of their reach, only for them to lose those men after a hook up, when the guy gets her clothes off, sees her without the makeup, realizes she’s actually pretty plain, shrugs and has sex with her anyway, then just doesn’t call or, if he does, is uninterested in giving her the relationship she wants. This manifests in, again, much poorer treatment of men than the naturally beautiful girl (who’s often led a charmed life with men) usually exhibits.
You don’t get those genes. One of the things I notice happens to a lot of guys when they get a girl who’s significantly more attractive than what they usually get is that they wife her up. Not uncommonly, children soon follow. This includes lots of men who swear until they’re blue in the face that they will be lifelong bachelors. If she’s naturally good looking, of course, you get those genes; if she’s hot, well, since the human body hasn’t evolved to naturally produce makeup in all the right places yet, you can count on having significantly less attractive offspring, all things told. You may not count this among things you need to pay attention to, but these things have a way of sneaking up on you, and if you’re accustomed to having a certain kind of woman around, she’s probably the kind of woman you’ll have around when biology kicks in and blindsides you.
The more she needs to rely on artificial means to boost her beauty score, the more all this applies.
It even applies to those naturally beautiful women you will meet (and you will meet some) who nevertheless dress extremely flashy, do their hair up perfectly, wear lots of makeup, get plastic’ed up when they get older (nose jobs, breast implants, etc.).
If she’s doing all that, she’s decided that her natural beauty simply isn’t enough.
To accentuate my own attractiveness, I took to dressing much nicer –
better clothes, better hair,
better facial hair. I adopted better posture, and stood and
walked and gestured better. I worked out and put muscle on.
Meanwhile, my most regular going out buddy in Southern California, a
naturally very handsome guy, would wear too-big-for-him t-shirts (he
did wear bright red, though), maintain average posture, and have a
pretty standard close-cropped haircut with just a little flip in the
front of his blond hair. He worked at a gym, but I’m pretty sure he’d
never touched a dumbbell in his life, his arms were so skinny.
He didn’t need to do anything more to make an immediate impression on women and get laid a lot. I did.
Naturally beautiful women vs. hot women are a lot like this. The girl who’s naturally beautiful doesn’t need to go all out to make a big first impression... she makes a good enough one just dressing however and carrying herself however.
The plainer girl, though, needs to get some flash and dazzle going on if she wants to make the same sort of impression, just like I learned to.
I and another friend used to nag my blond buddy about why he didn’t go for hotter girls than he normally did. “They’re too high maintenance,” was his reply. A third buddy and I discussed this and he said he probably had self-esteem issues.
After dating a variety of women though, I finally get what he means. It’s not the beautiful women that are “high maintenance”; it’s the flashy ones. The “hot” ones.
Mostly because they tend to have self-esteem issues, personality disorders, and need lots of love, attention, and validation. They need you to focus on them and continually help them rebuild their sense of self-worth.
I saw this very clearly with that hot girl I had a date with that went south after I’d first moved to California. I kept in touch with her over the years, and saw her occasionally, and took a shot at her occasionally, but could never get farther with her than getting her shirt off (when I discovered how nonexistent her breasts really were – was that a pushup bra you were wearing, Miss Hot Girl?).
Finally, when I spent a lot more time with her after going through a big breakup and still not getting anywhere, I gave her the boot and quickly took another girl as my new girlfriend who was, again, much more naturally beautiful than that girl, and had an amazing body.
But not only was this girl (and many of the other girls I’ve dated or slept with who were naturally beautiful) far better looking without clothes and makeup on, but her personality was better, too.
Lower maintenance, you might say.
See, the non-flashy beautiful women who are born beautiful don’t have this whole validation hounding, self-esteem infusion-needing thing going on that the flashy hot girls do.
Instead, they’re secure. They don’t need tons of attention. You can live your life, and they live theirs, and they don’t cause you outsized drama just because you had to flake on seeing them one night or took a really long time to contact them while you were out of town.
You don’t get the meltdowns that you experience over and over again with “hot” girls.
Even better than this though, they don’t play games. They don’t have time for them, and it isn’t worth it for them – they don’t need the attention, nor do they get off on the intrigue.
It turns out my friend from SoCal was partially right. The girls who dress up flashy and spend a lot of time on hair and clothes and makeup ARE high maintenance, though not because they’re attractive – it’s because they’re artificially attractive... and they’re artificially attractive because they’re high maintenance, too.
After passing that older, ugly girl dressed up flashy and sexy today, I decided to keep my eyes peeled and pay attention to all the women I passed and see if I could find some kind of relationship between actual looks and figures and how the women were dressed and presenting themselves.
This is really hard. I’ve been taking pains to do it with faces for years, and it’s still hard.
Something I’ve also been doing lately is taking pains to do it with bodies as well. I’ve realized that I’m probably missing out on a lot of women with amazing bodies because the girls who dress more conservatively effectively conceal large busts and tiny waists a lot of the time, while the girls who dress flashier suck up more of your visual attention and make their bodies look better than they actually are once the clothes come off. I’ve had enough conservatively-dressed women at this point who’ve surprised me with incredible bodies and enough flashily-dressed women who’ve disappointed me with disappointing bodies that I’m learning I need to look out for this more too.
Anyway, in my admittedly non-scientific observations while out and about today, I came to the conclusion that there is little to no relation between how hot a girl LOOKS and how attractive her face and body actually are.
Maybe a slight inverse relationship – maybe she’s slightly less likely to be naturally attractive the flashier she is.
I noticed that, even with years of training myself to be more discerning, my eyes were still drawn automatically to the women dressed in the brightest colors and with the most fashionable styles. Usually their faces were plain at best, as were their bodies.
There were lots of other women whom I normally wouldn’t even notice any time I’m not out specifically to meet women who were actually quite beautiful AND had killer bodies, but who were dressed in just average, everyday street clothes and blended in with everyone else.
Everywhere I looked, I saw diamonds in the rough... and rough made up to look like diamonds.
It’s both surprising, and exciting when you realize this:
Surprising, because you realize how many really gorgeous girls you pass by every day, and who most guys complaining about how hard it is to meet women probably don’t even realize are there, and
Exciting, because you realize what a treasure trove for attractive women the average dense-ish town is if you just look
Are Bitter Men Chasing Bitter Women?
This brings me back to the bitter man thing. And I have to wonder... these guys who are all complaining about how women just reject them – are they chasing after flashy “hot” girls?
I suspect that many of them are.
Which, if it’s the case, is kind of a carnival of the bizarre: average men chasing after average women pretending to look like exceptional women in order to fool and sleep with exceptional men, only to be rejected by those exceptional men for relationships after a casual hook up, which gradually turns those average women pretending to be exceptional women into bitter women, who then get off on rejecting the average men chasing after them for sex and relationships, which turns those men bitter themselves.
What a strange, odd, funny chain of events (well, maybe not so funny
for the participants in this chain).
Because here’s what I know: the naturally beautiful women out there tend to be some of the nicest women you will meet, and they almost never harshly reject men. They’re just generally warm, pleasant, emotionally balanced souls.
And before you think I’m pulling that out of my behind, here’s some research to back it up:
“We measure the impact of individuals’ looks on their life satisfaction or happiness. Using five data sets from the U.S., Canada, the U.K., and Germany, we construct beauty measures in different ways that allow putting a lower bound on the true effects of beauty on happiness. Personal beauty raises happiness, with a one standard-deviation change in beauty generating about 0.10 standard deviations of additional satisfaction/happiness among men, 0.12 among women. Accounting for a wide variety of covariates, including those that might be affected by differences in beauty, and particularly effects in the labor and marriage markets, the impact among men is more than halved, among women slightly less than halved. The majority of the effect of beauty on happiness may work through its effects on economic outcomes.
We measure the impact of individuals’ looks on their life satisfaction or happiness using various sets of data from the U.S., Canada, the U.K., and Germany. The results show that:
1. Personal beauty raises happiness.
2. The majority of this positive effect comes about because personal beauty improves economic outcomes – incomes, marriage prospects, and others – that increase happiness. Thus much of the positive effect of beauty on happiness is indirect – through its effects on aspects of economic life that increase happiness.
3. The total effects of beauty on happiness are about the same for men and women. But the direct effect is larger among women – beauty affects their happiness independent of its impact on their incomes, marriage prospects, and other outcomes. Because the beauty measures are collected in a variety of ways, and because happiness is also measured in various ways, we can be quite confident in the general validity of the conclusions.”
And all these effects start accumulating from a very young age – much younger than anyone learns to use makeup, pushup bras, and pumps.
So, what’ve we got?
A bunch of less happy, more likely to be bitter women dressing themselves up as flashy to better compete for high caliber men in the mating/marriage market but ending up disappointed, and ultimately doing a better job fooling the men lower down on the dating totem pole than the men higher up on it, since the men higher up get the chance to sleep with them and see them with their clothes and makeup off and realize they aren’t actually the real deal, while the men lower down never get to realize this and never take them off that pedestal.
Thus, men less successful with women pursue these flashy women relentlessly, get rejected by them perpetually, and turn bitter about them regularly.
No wonder there are so many guys out there complaining lately that women “like to reject men.” They’re chasing after women who are sorry enough souls that they actually do.
Pursuing the Wrong Women
A few more anecdotes for you before we get back to the meat.
I was at a nightclub a few months back, winging a friend of mine at a bar while he talked to a few girls. I wasn’t needed for the moment, so I reclined back against the bar and relaxed, drinking in the music and the atmosphere.
A woman then slunk up to me – flashy, in a slinky black dress, with her hair done up nicely, and she actually had sparkles sprinkled across her face and dress.
I was immediately repulsed though... after years of training myself to look at faces, that’s the very first thing I examine, and something about this girl’s face rubbed me the wrong way. I don’t know if it was how she was looking at me or her facial features were ugly beneath all that makeup, but I felt instantly ill-at-ease. She approached me and started talking to me.
Within a few minutes she had decided that whatever she was looking for, I wasn’t it, and quite rudely and publicly rejected me. I laughed to myself; I hadn’t been that publicly rejected in a long time, and never, that I can recall, by someone who’d approached me.
I suspect she was an escort trolling for marks at the bar, and just
used me to position her status to everyone who might be watching –
here’s this girl clearly rejecting some cool-looking, attractively
dressed and appointed guy at the bar. She must be high status and
desirable. I couldn’t help giving her a nod for the show she put on, throwing me under the bus to
enhance her own position in the club. I guess I made a good mark...
I’ll take that as a compliment, since her target was probably older men
with the money and desire to spend it on a woman.
My friend, not getting anywhere with the girls he’d approached, turned to talk to me, saw her, and said something to her, only to be publicly snubbed by her himself. I laughed again, explained the situation to him, and we left that part of the bar.
I’m certain that girl
probably had a guy (or two... or three) immediately start chasing her
after that show. She’d just positioned herself as high status,
desirable, and hard-to-get... even if it was all just an act put on for
the audience. Most guys aren’t experienced enough at club dynamics that
I suspect they’d be able to tell the difference between a real status
event and a farce done for show like that, so for them, it’s
effectively real (even though
actually it was all fake).
Here’s another one about how deceptive this stuff can be.
I was in a social group some years ago where a cute young girl from Turkey joined up. I needed a ride from home to a group dinner since my car was in the shop and had arranged for her to give me one, and flirted with her through the car ride but got nowhere... she didn’t seem that interested. And truth be told, she wasn’t that cute... but at that group meeting, she was arguably the cutest girl there.
So, I went for her anyway, as did a few of the other guys there (the men there were all clearly a notch above the women). At one point, one of the other fellows pursuing her who saw I was too leaned over and playfully challenged me: “She’s up for grabs – may the best man win.” All right then, game on.
I spent the next couple of weeks trying to set things up with this girl, who was flashy and peppy but not THAT cute and not much into me at all. She actually seemed kind of spacey and out-there too... not at all my thing. Nevertheless, I managed to get her out to a nightclub, where nothing happened but some vaguely suggestive dancing and her seeming a little more into me by the end of the night, and then she went radio silent on me after that and I never talked to her again.
Looking back, this seems ridiculous to me, but at the time, she had the group halo effect going on: the prettiest girl in the group always seems like the prettiest girl EVER, even if she isn’t really all that cute.
Instead of chasing her, I could’ve put more time into meeting more women.
Instead of trying to make a party date work, I could’ve gone to that same club and talked to 10 or 20 women there (who probably would’ve mostly been cuter than that girl, and doubtless more interesting), and left with a few prospective dates or even taken one of them home.
And I think this is another thing that turns guys bitter: getting caught up chasing after some flashy girl who DOESN’T WANT THEM and getting mad that they can’t change her mind.
But I don’t care WHO you are... if she doesn’t like you, she just doesn’t like you, and you probably won’t change her mind. And all you’re going to do by spending a lot of time trying is frustrate and embitter yourself while becoming more and more obsessed.
One last anecdote, added back in after I finished writing this: I just went out and walked around, and found my eyes instincitvely drawn to a girl in a super short skirt walking with a friend of hers. I had no idea what her face looked back, but I wanted her. What happened there?
That’s a pure mating instinct, and that’s what this seems to be: women dressing provocatively trigger a deep, primal sexual urge within men that causes them to chase. The man is fooled into viewing the woman as sexually receptive (well, maybe not entirely fooled; women do dress more sexually provocative when they are sexual fertile), and he begins to chase.
Women who want male attention dress provocatively because they know this generates more male interest; women who already have enough and want to discourage excessive male interest dress the opposite.
Hence, why the girlfriend with the best body of any girl I’ve ever
dated was wearing a brightly colored but otherwise unassuming and
underwhelming orange t-shirt in a nightclub when I met her (and I had
no idea her breasts were as breathtaking as they were until I got her
clothes off), while all the other women in that nighclub had, for the
most part, less exciting bodies, but better clothes that created more visual
impact, with plunging necklines and dresses that drew attention to
their (less impressive) cleavage. They were trying to be accentuate
their bodies precisely because they had less to show off, while she was
trying to do the exact opposite and avoid a stampede of men who only
wanted her for her chest.
Straighten Out Your Game
I don’t have these problems any more, partly because I’ve reached a point where I have enough opportunity with women that there’s not really any reason for me to plow time into a girl who’s nonresponsive, but also partly because I’ve adopted a number of hard rules to prevent such things happening.
Look at her face FIRST. Is she actually someone you even want to pursue in the first place? Obviously, if you’re just starting out, you probably need to lower your standards (maybe drastically), but if you’re an intermediate or better you should be looking at faces religiously. Ignore the makeup. Just facial features.
Look at her body seriously. You can do this without violating the peripheral vision rules we talked about before; just make sure you glimpse her from an angle where you’ll be able to view the cusps of her breast and the indent of her waist (or, alternatively, the mound of her rump, if you’re an ass man). This way you know what you’re walking into and aren’t as likely to be misled by the flashy clothes she’s wearing (that make her look better) or the ordinary or dumpy clothes she has on (that conceal a potentially awesome body underneath).
Focus on reaching the hook point. If you don’t reach it in 5 to 10 minutes of talking to her, you will never reach it. Don’t waste your time. Move onto someone else, and go fix your fundamentals so that the next time you meet a girl like her she’ll be more likely to receive you well.
Follow your process. Don’t throw it out because this girl is “a special case.” The ones you’re most likely to throw your process out on are usually the ones you least want to do this for – either because they’re out of your usual league and you’re better served by doing what you know how to do than trying to wing it, or because (more often) they just aren’t that into you. The sole exception is if you have something different you want to try that is logically thought out, as opposed to some kind of emotionally decided-upon course of action that takes you somewhere horrid, like into white knight land.
Lastly (and here’s the controversial one! You knew there was probably one coming):
Treat hot girls the same way top men do. As flings and one-night stands. If she’s flashy, she’s a LOT more likely to sick the Whirlwind of Chaos on you sooner or later (probably sooner), rest assured. If you need a girlfriend who looks good on your arm, get a genuinely, naturally beautiful woman as a girlfriend, then buy her a nice, sexy dress and ask her to wear it when you need her to look especially good. You’ll be happier, and chances are, she’ll look better in that dress than most of the women who’d usually wear something like it do. If you need her to look super good ALL the time though, maybe spend a little time figuring out why exactly that is so important to you and then spend some time to reassess.
Maybe an “extra credit” bonus bullet is “stay away from pickup forums that have too many newbies and intermediate and not enough experienced guys.” Newer guys are a lot more likely to get caught up in the “hotness trap” and spend a lot of time talking about how club hotties or whatnot are the absolute pinnacle of the mating pyramid, when what these girls actually are is normally just Plain Janes with makeup on (ask me how I know; I’ve been picking up girls in clubs since 2005, and I’ve had at least a few girlfriends who clubbed quite regularly – there are some truly beautiful / awesome women in clubs, but they’re a lower portion than what you’ll find out of the club, and most of the beautiful ones in the club are crazy anyway).
Beauty should be a bare minimum requirement for relationships for you. It isn’t the main thing you look for; it’s required. The main things you look for beyond this are something more, like happiness, great chemistry, and emotional stability.
We Make Ourselves Bitter
When people are bitter, I notice it’s always because they are going for the wrong things the wrong ways.
Invariably, they are blind to the opportunities around themselves, and try to force themselves into places they do not fit, then become bitter about it. Like the square peg trying to fit into the round hole, then getting bitter and throwing up his hands declaring how horrible it is that he doesn’t fit in any hole. He’s too good to put himself into the square hole, and besides, it’s the round hole he wants to fit in, not the square one.
If a square wants to fit into a round hole, all the complaining in
the world won’t get him there. Instead, he needs to break out the
sander, and shave his square edges off until he is a circle himself. At
that point, he will fit into the round hole. Or if he doesn’t want to
change he can always just go fit into the square hole as-is. The choice
is his. Most of these angry guys don’t want to choose though; they’re
just miffed the world refuses to bend to their wills.
And that’s how it is with women. I met all manner of men who complained that women didn’t want them back when I was coaching, but we could always find women who did, usually within an hour or two of fieldwork. It was mostly just that these guys didn’t know how to recognize the women who were interested... or they were too focused on flashy women, for whom they themselves were not yet flashy enough to be attractive to, but felt somehow entitled to them anyway (probably from too many Disney films about how you can have whatever you want if you just wish for it... instead of work for it).
You can certainly get flashy women if you turn yourself into the kind of man that plain women turn themselves into flashy women to get: the best of the best; the cream of the crop; the top guy in the club. That’s who flashy girls are after. They didn’t put all that work into being flashy to get Regular Joes.
Of course, you can ALSO look for genuinely beautiful women who AREN’T flashy, and who actually tend to be a lot less shallow in their dating standards.
This was actually one of the most jarring things for me when I was new to dating; watching beautiful ex-girlfriends and beautiful female friends of mine (who weren’t flashy) dating dumpy-looking guys. But they didn’t date these guys for looks; they dated them because they were charming, or interesting, or had something else going on (occasionally money/power/connections, but many times they’d date guys who made a lot less than them, too, because they liked him and he was funny and took action with them or whatnot).
So, here’s a question to ask yourself: are you going for TRULY beautiful women?
Or just the ones who catch your eye because they’ve learned how?
If it’s the latter, I bet that’s a source of a lot of the pain and frustration you experience in dating and pickup.
Not only are genuinely beautiful women nicer than these gals, you see...
Not only are they more polite, less likely to hurt your feelings, and more likely to be considerate in how they turn you down if they must turn you down...
Not only are they “lower maintenance” and less likely to mess your life up with drama if you don’t give them enough attention...
Not only is their beauty still there in the morning first thing when they wake up, no application of primer, foundation, or mascara necessary...
Not only do they not bother to play all the aloofness / superiority games that artificially hot girls love indulging in to pump their statuses...
But, truth be told? They’re easier. Because you can actually drop much of the act and just pull out what’s most cool and interesting about you and much of the time that’s kinda all you need.
If you’ve been feeling bitter or frustrated, maybe take a moment to stop and ask yourself which women you’ve been going for lately.
Is it just whoever catches your eye first? If so, I bet it’s the flashy hot girls you’re going for... and you’d probably be having a much better time of things if you spent a little while training yourself to look for the diamonds in the rough – the GORGEOUS girls who are out in the real world in camouflage, blended in with all the other masses milling about, but hiding stunning faces and killer bodies beneath faded baseball caps and boring t-shirts.
This is the thing that the guys who get girls figure out after a while. It’s why you see that cool guy with a girlfriend who’s really pretty but also really laid back and chill and not pretentious.
It’s not an accident.
Thing is, those girls are all over the place – but you won’t find them following where your eyes are naturally drawn to, because your autopilot is easily fooled by those who want your attention.
If you want the women who AREN’T climbing all over each other for male attention, you must train yourself to look past the window dressing and find the girls who’ve got the whole package without the advertising.
If you can do this, you’ll almost certainly very quickly become a very happy, very satisfied, and very NOT bitter man.