I can recall with distinct clarity a time in my life when I thought it was a must that you go all out when planning a first date. I’d heard it from my mother, read it in magazines and books, saw it on television, and even heard it from the horse’s mouth. Yes, even the women I’d known as friends or romantic interests were telling me I needed to pony up and make that first date as extravagant as possible!
However, the real way to make a great first impression has absolutely nothing to do with the activity itself or the amount of money you spend – it’s all about:
Your fundamentals, such as your style of clothing and voice and body language
The actual interaction itself, your conversation skills, and how well you are able to lead her
Your ability to hit escalation windows and pick up on opportunities to move things forward
So as Ricardus taught us, you really can go “From Street to Bed in a Snap”, and that most certainly does not require an 8-hour date at an amusement park or a $100 dinner.
Why Expensive Dates are Bad
Before I get into all of the advantages that doing simple dates gives you, I’m first going to explain why lavish dates are such a horrible idea when you first meet a new girl. I’m going to break you down first, and then build you back up.
I feel like we should begin with the absolute worst thing about
taking some girl on a crazy expensive date. And, what’s that you ask? It is a form of you qualifying
yourself to her.
Which we don’t do, because high value men show their value in much more implicit ways than buying flowers for a girl he barely knows or paying for lobster, for example.
I suppose doing those does show her value, but it’s the wrong kind of value. By doing these things for her you are displaying orbiter value, as opposed to sexual value.
Always remember: when you qualify yourself to a woman, it paints her as the prize. What you want is the opposite. You want to be the prize to be won, and you’re not doing that if you’re trying to win her over with your wallet.
The problem is even further compounded by the feeling of expectation and pressure that women feel when you take them on a big, formal date. She’s going to tend to view this as a very high-stakes situation where she has to be extremely careful and cautious. What you end up getting here is a woman who not only places you into a boyfriend (or even worse: friend) category, but who also will very likely try to maintain an appearance of someone who’s “used to this type of thing”.
That leaves you with is a girl who will probably act a bit fake, and who is also likely to reject any of your physical advances on the basis that she either (a) doesn’t want to mess things up with such a wonderful guy, or (b) simply loses any attraction for you because you are consecrating her.
But then if all this is true, why do we constantly hear women say they want to be pampered on a first date? Maybe they have no idea what they want?
That sounds like a pretty good theory... but the truth is that they truly do want flowers and candy and expensive desserts at high-priced restaurants. And well, that is the real issue at hand here. Women truly do desire these things, but ask yourself – do they plan on having fast sex with the type of men who will take them on these fancy dates?
If you’re confused here, the answer to that question is an emphatic “no”.
Girls want to have their cake and eat it too. Women want to have hot, steamy, passionate intercourse with sexy men whilst still compiling their harem of orbiters who will validate their egos, go shopping with them, and let them cry on their shoulders about the aforementioned dominant alpha men who take them directly to bed after 90-minute coffee dates.
Why Complex Dates are Bad
Okay, so expensive dates don’t do anything for you. Well, you’ve still got to have fun, right? Yes, you do have to have “fun” with her, but if you’ve got your fundamentals handled and have a good process and can run a date well, that “fun” will come later… when the two of you are bumping uglies on your ottoman.
Complex (or what I’ve referred to as “fun”) dates are equally as bad because it is usually something that friends do together, and overall it just detracts from the two of you interacting in a way that you need to in order to make it to the bedroom efficiently.
Here are some examples of what I would refer to as complex dates:
- Roller-blading or roller-skating
- Amusement parks
- Museums or zoos
- Sporting events
- Rock climbing
- Movies (at a theatre)
There are many reasons why dates like these are inefficient, but the main one is that her interest is not completely focused on you, because the activity in front of you removes quite a lot of her attention from where it needs to be.
Creating a connection with a woman is crucial in seduction. Sure, there are times when the connection-building stuff can go by the wayside (such as in a bar or club environment), but, that doesn’t lend any assistance to us in what we’re discussing here, which is how to run an efficient date.
Unlike at a bar or a club, if you’re going on an actual date with a woman, things won’t be quite so fast-paced and there likely will not be huge amounts of alcohol involved to help fuel the sexual tension between you and your girl. Conversation and strong eye contact are still an absolute must-have if you want to show her your sexy side.
Ideally, the two of you are sitting close together or across from one another with nothing other than each other’s open minds to occupy your time. You can’t deep dive a girl during a movie at a theatre or while you are both speeding down a steep hill on your rollerblades.
Another thing about complex dates is that they are longer than necessary. There is a myth within the seduction community that if you have sex with a woman without spending at least several hours with her that it is not a true seduction and the girl will harbor no more feeling for you than if you just passed her on the street. My personal opinion on that is that it is a bunch of nonsense.
In my experience, spending too much time with a girl before being intimate with her can actually kill her attraction toward you and will quickly send her hurling toward auto-rejection.
The optimal amount of time to spend with a woman before pulling her to a seduction location seems to be about 75 to 90 minutes. This is merely my own number I came up with, so feel free to play around yourself and see what works best for you.
You want to begin escalation at the peak of your girl’s arousal and level of attraction. Dates at sporting events and walking around a zoo surpass that timespan, and what ends up happening is that she not only gets worn out from the activity, but in addition to that, she also feels a decline in the excitement she feels for this new, mysterious man who’s becoming more “normal” and “friend-like” by the minute.
Not to mention, don’t all of these activities seem like things you would do with a family member or a group of friends?
Trust me, there’s nothing sexy about sweating out a baseball game together in 98 degree heat… unless she’s checking out the players on the field.
But, you protest, these are also things guys do with their girlfriends! Of course, but if she’s your girlfriend then you’ve already slept with her. So all of this moving quick stuff gets thrown out the window once you’ve taken a girl to bed several times. The two of you are free to spend moments like this together and partake in activities where you can shift focus to something fun and enjoy it as a couple.
Last thing here: I used to eat with girls on dates, but I found that even if the meal was inexpensive and we shared the check, oftentimes one or both of us had to run to the restroom just as things were heating up back at my place! So even though you might not be buying a pricey dinner, I’d still shy away from food if you want to eliminate one more obstacle from the fray.
The Solution: The Simple Date
So how do you bed a woman efficiently? Simple = Efficient, right?
Oh, and what if you don’t successfully pull her back to your place after the date? Was it all for naught? No, because informational dates need to be simple too.
If your strategy is date-compression, the first of these 3 or 4 dates should be an informational date, where the two of you share things about one another (hopefully her doing more of the sharing) and begin to create that connection that you need in order to get her out on a second date.
The bottom line here is that if you’re paying for an expensive dinner or spending too much time on some crazy adventure together, it significantly lowers your chance of either:
- Sleeping with her, or if that’s not possible,
- Getting her out on a second date.
Simple dates give you just the right amount of time together, allow you to deep dive her and share sexual eye contact, are easy on your wallet, and, most important of all, they show a girl that you know how to run a real date where the two of you can actually enjoy the excitement of meeting a new person. Because, the adrenaline rush of a first kiss is far better than watching the monkeys mount each other at the zoo.
So what are good dates, then?
I tend to stick to coffee or ice cream or (alcoholic) drinks. A walk in the park can suffice too, weather permitting of course. Those are good, simple dates that a girl will not only agree to, but will also let her know immediately that you’re not some low-value chump that’s going to place her on a pedestal and follow her around like a lost puppy.
Here is what I recommend:
Find a good date template that works for you. If you need some ideas, a rough outline of what my first date template looks like is this:
Meet in the evening for drinks or coffee.
Make sure the locale is near your preferred seduction location.
Don’t be early, and try to meet her in the parking lot so you can lead her inside.
The date should last roughly 75-90 minutes.
On a high point (while she’s smiling/laughing/etcetera), invite her back to your place.
Within ten minutes of arriving at your seduction location, kiss her and escalate to sex.
That is a really high level example of what I do on a first date, so please do read through all of the great articles that Chase offers here on the site about how to make a great impression, run dates smoothly, create attraction, pull women back to your place, and escalate physically.
This type of simple date is a no-beating-around-the-bush approach to seducing a woman. At each step and milestone throughout your interaction with her she’ll slowly but surely begin to realize that you mean business and that you won’t be accompanying her to shop for that new purse at the mall next week.
Every time I take a girl out on a laidback, simplistic date, I can sense not only her relief that we don’t have to spend an inordinate amount of time together where one or the both of us gets all awkward and ruins it, but also the excitement she experiences as we move closer and closer to a sexual encounter.
Which is another great thing about simple dates: they’re causal and not a big deal. There’s no pressure on either of you to make the date live up to the expectations of the activity or venue. She can sit back and take in your sexiness instead of you both going through the rigmarole of a high-priced, high-investment interaction. In order to sleep with you, girls need comfort, and a girl won’t be nearly as comfortable in a swank downtown steakhouse as she would be downing a café mocha at the local coffee house.
My final point on simple dates is a similar one that we’ve already discussed, but for a different (and more important) reason. Because you’ve only spent a short amount of time together, she’ll be more apt to feel like the date should continue than she would be if you had already been taking in the exhibits at the art show for the past four hours. By that point, she’ll probably be tired or bored to tears (or both!) and she will be quite content to simply head home and call it a night.
The Ride Home
Let’s run back through some of the main points here, so you can see why simple dates are “where it’s at” when you’re trying to woo a new prospect.
Expensive and/or Complex Dates:
Paint you as a potential orbiter and put you in the friend zone.
Make you spend a lot of your hard-earned money (and possibly never see her again).
Put unnecessary expectations on you, while piling unnecessary pressure on her.
Most of these are unnecessarily long and don’t allow you to get to know each other.
Do not allow you to create a vibe that is conducive to the two of you having sex.
On Simple Dates:
Doing these lets her know you aren’t going to dally around and waste her time.
They will not waste a large amount of your time or money if the girl isn’t interested.
They increase a woman’s comfort level, instead of the interaction feeling stuffy or fake.
Coffee, alcoholic drinks, ice cream, or a walk in a public area are good “simple” dates.
Construct a date template and hone it over time and experience.
Simple dates allow you to escalate at the peak of her buying temperature.
She won’t be worn out or bored with you by the end of the actual date.
Overall, they simply give you the best chance of first date sex or scoring a second date.
Simple dates just work the best no matter if you’re taking her home afterward or if it ends up as a purely informational date, where you can subsequently implement date-compression strategies.
It’s a win-win-win: your bank account doesn’t take a beating, it gives you an infinitely better chance of her continuing to reciprocate interest or engage in sex with you, and if all goes well she’ll have a heck of an experience too!
Trust me fellas when I tell you: the way to a woman’s heart is definitely not in any way similar to what so many of us were brought up to believe. Women enjoy sex just as much as men, if not more.
The next time you schedule a date with that curly haired cutie, just remember that she will be much, much more into you if the adventure the two of you embark upon is the one in the bedroom and not some adrenaline-draining activity that leaves her tired and you scraping up pennies to pay your next car payment.
Keep on keepin’ it simple,