How to Say No to Others and Turn Down Compliance


how to say noIn Part 3 of my 3-part series on compliance, I’ll be discussing how to say no to people who want compliance out of you – and when specifically to say it (as opposed to saying yes).

You can read Parts 1 and 2 of the series here:

  1. How to Get Her to Say “Yes”
  2. What If She Says No?

Turning down compliance is actually an especially dicey area for most. Even for experienced guys... even for men who are naturals socially... you will run into the odd situation here and there where you aren’t sure whether to say yes or no, and aren’t sure how to say no even if you probably should.

Tell me you’ve been here before: there’s a really cute girl, and you really dig her, yet the dynamic you have with her is just that you’re chasing her a little bit too much... yet, you sense that if you let up even a bit, she’s going to vanish off into the ether.

And then, out of the blue, she says: “Can you wait here a minute? I have to go make a phone call,” then turns to go leave.

Can you say no to this? Should you? What’s your play?

You can sense that letting her do this only worsens your position with her and moves you farther away from getting anywhere with her... but you just don’t know what else to do.


How Important is Relative Investment?

Relative investment is what we’re really talking about when we talk about investment. How invested you are in someone else versus how invested she is in you goes a long way toward determining the power dynamic between you.

An intuitive understanding and respect for this dynamic is one of the things that most of those who are naturally good socially have in common.

Yet almost everyone has this intuitive understanding. It’s just that only those who are “naturals” are religious about respecting it, and not overinvesting in those who aren’t investing at or near the same level in them.

You probably know that when you’re hounding that girl to go out on a date with you and she just doesn’t text you back that you’re digging yourself deeper and deeper into a hole... you just aren’t sure what else to do.

And you’re well aware that when you’re hanging out with that group of people and you’re trying to get the cool guy to like you and he just keeps ignoring you that it’s shifting your nascent status in the group lower and lower, but you just keep swinging anyway hoping if you can get one shred of recognition, that’ll turn it all around.

The guy who’s good with people though, not only does he detect this imbalance... he corrects it.

Or, failing that, he at least plugs the wound and stops the bleeding.

Because the importance of relative investment is VAST. It lies at the heart and soul of all status and value calculations.

Human beings are big investment computers, essentially. Everyone is continually tabulating how invested everyone around them is in themselves and everybody else.

And, following the Law of Least Effort, he who is most invested in others, yet receives the greatest deal of investment in return, wins the tabulation contest.


Frame Battles Everywhere You Look

The first time you become consciously aware of how ubiquitous investment’s underpinning of social power is, you start to become almost paranoid about investment.

“I’d better not invest,” you think to yourself, “because if I do, she’ll think I’m chasing her.”

This “investment paranoia” – a kind of fear that everyone else around you is trying to out-frame you in constant ongoing frame control battles – can lead to all kinds of bizarre issues:

  • A friend wants to meet up, but you get weird about it because you don’t want to hang out completely on his terms

  • A girlfriend wants to reschedule her date with you, but you don’t want to do what she wants now because then you’ll be complying too much

  • A colleague asks if you can take over a certain task, but you’re wary of setting the precedent of capitulating to him

And in fact, sometimes you DO need to be wary of these situations! Everybody out there is calculating investment levels subconsciously, and especially if you have traditionally been a “nice guy”, you will start to notice as you wake up to all this consciously that you’ve surrounded yourself with people who are very interested in keeping a leg up in the power dynamic with you, and this is done by making sure that you are always complying more with them than they are with you.

That you are doing things more on their terms, rather than them doing things on yours.

how to say no

This is a big part of why in “How to Be an Asshole” I recommended that you go a little too far in learning how to be an asshole... eventually you will scale it back, but before you can scale it back, you first must learn where the limits are you need to scale back to.

Otherwise, you live too far within those limits, and end up only limiting yourself... and letting everyone else run slipshod over you.

Compliance paranoia is a natural stage in the “wake up” process to effort, sprezzatura, and social power dynamics.

You think for a while that everyone is out to one-up you; gain leverage over you; get you complying; win the frame battle.

Some consciously are; many more unconsciously are; and many more still simply aren’t. But you won’t get good at reading this until you’ve been acutely aware of how big a role in your social life, social status, and social value investment plays for a while.

And one of the things you will need to do for a while is say “no” a lot – to just about everybody.


When Should You Say No?

Saying no is pretty hard when you’re not accustomed to it yet.

Particularly among Western men, there seems to be an epidemic of over-niceness. Men grow up being told they need to be gentleman and thoughtful and considerate, and then are told that the things they want are bad and must be restrained and controlled.

Then they’re taught not to have expectations for others and to not judge and not be critical, because this hurts others feelings and is limiting (and there are good reasons to not be judgmental, but you still need to be discriminating or else you’re just a punching bag).

So you get kind of this weird majority class of Western male that’s kind of a pushover, and they mostly sit around and sulk when they watch the minority of men that ignored these messages or were insulated from them or learned to overcome them clean up with women, socializing, status, and work.

If you’re one of the former kinds of men, the first thing you’ll notice about the latter kind of man is that he has no trouble saying “no”:

You: Hey man, we should party up sometime.

Him: [laughs] Sure bro, just drop me a line the next time you’ve got a wild party with hot chicks and I’m there.

Or:

Girl: Can you hold my jacket for a minute?

Him: [laughs] Dear God no, I’m not going to hold your jacket. What do I look like, a coat rack? [turns to talk to someone else]

Or:

Boss: Hey Jack, we’re a little behind on the reports – do you think you can stay a little later and get those to me today?

Him: We don’t need those done until tomorrow end of day, right? Just leave them on my desk, I’ll do them first thing.

Most guys watching this after freshly “awakening” to the need to balance effort and not get sucked into complying too much for others will stand there in awe and say to themselves “How on Earth does he just do that so easily and spontaneously?”

It seems like exactly the right thing to say just springs out of his throat and rolls off of his tongue no matter the scenario or who he’s in it with. Even supposedly higher status people than him (like his boss) quickly learn not to try to ask him to do too many things, because every time they do he turns it around socially and transforms it into a win for himself and a loss for them, upsetting the social order.

In fact, he’s actually following a very simple response program; all he’s doing is a little effort evaluation. That program running through his head looks like this:

  1. Who is asking me to do this? (is it a good friend or someone I respect?)
  2. Where does this person rank? (is he esteemed in my eyes?)
  3. Am I trying to climb this person’s hierarchy? (and can he help with that?)
  4. What am I being asked to do? (and what are its absolute / social costs?)
  5. Is this a girl I’m interested in flirting with?

If the answers are:

  • This is someone close / someone I respect, or
  • This is someone I hold in high esteem, or
  • This is someone high up in a hierarchy I’m climbing

... and the task itself isn’t anything too crazy and the person asking isn’t a girl he’s flirting with, there’s a very good chance he says “yes.”

If the answer isn’t any of those though – not someone close; not someone he holds in high esteem; not someone who ranks highly in a hierarchy he’s trying to climb – he’s probably going to say “no.”

If he’s flirting with her, there’s another list of questions he’ll run through too (which I’ll discuss in a moment).

Now, when he’s saying “no”, there are two kinds of “no”s he can give:

  • A flat, outright no
  • A no with renegotiated terms

The flat outright no is what he gives either:

  1. To someone who ought to know better than to ask him that, or
  2. (Sometimes) to a girl he’s flirting with and wants to send into a tizzy.

The girl asking him to hold her coat above could be either of these – #1 if she’s just some silly girl he isn’t interested in who’s trying to make him chase her, or #2 if she’s a girl he’s flirting with (who’s trying to make him chase her).

The no with renegotiated terms is something he gives to someone that he doesn’t care to comply with freely, or on the terms given, but would be fine to comply with on different terms.

For instance, when you mention wanting to party with him... maybe he doesn’t think you’re that cool, or maybe he just doesn’t know who you are, but whatever the reason, he doesn’t want to party with you, unless you can make it worth his while (by inviting him somewhere with some hot chicks). This is somewhat insulting, but also leaves an opening for you to “prove yourself” to him... if you care to.

Or, the boss, where he shows some social consideration first (”We don’t need those done until tomorrow end of day, right?”) and then sets his alternate terms (”Just leave them on my desk, I’ll do them first thing”).

Once you’re good, you’ll essentially run through this same mental program naturally; this is the result of being in demand.

how to say no

When there are a lot of people who want a piece of your time, you become stricter and stricter about whom you’ll give it out to, who can have it, and how they can have it / what you will do for them. Effectively, popularity and busyness force you to learn how to say no... or get buried in a deluge.

While you’re still on the road there, however, you’ll be faking it a bit until you make it – emulating a very busy, popular guy even if you aren’t quite yet. That’ll make running through this mental decision chain a little stiffer and less natural, but at least by the time you start reaching a place where you’re very busy and have many people who want a piece of your time you’ll already know how to say no and have a system in place for doing it.

We’ll talk about the actual mechanics of saying no in a moment, but before we do, I want to show you the mental decision tree for flirting, first.


When Should You Say No... Flirting Edition?

Flirting’s a bit of another ballgame, because you will act a little unreasonable and absurd specifically as part of the flirting process.

You will both do it; she will ask you for things, and you will playfully decline. She will then act mock offended, and everyone has a good time as the sexual tension builds and she finds herself more and more allured by this man who passes one of her tests after another after another.

The important thing to note about compliance requests during flirtation is this: saying yes or no is about where you are in the interaction and where your attainability stands, NOT so much whether it’s a big deal for you to do something or not.

Here’s what that means – let’s look at a couple of scenarios:

  1. Scenario 1: it’s early on in an interaction. A girl is acting bored and aloof with you. After you finish telling a small story about yourself, she asks if you’ll keep an eye on her spot for her while she goes to the bathroom.

  2. Scenario 2: it’s later on in an interaction. A girl is acting very interested in you, has qualified herself to you extensively, and has otherwise invested in you a great deal – far more in you than you have in her, in fact. She asks if you’ll keep an eye on her spot for her while she goes to the bathroom.

Same request. Completely different scenarios, and completely different underlying meanings here. Your compliance or lack of compliance will have polar opposite effects on the interaction with each girl, too.

What should you do in each of the scenarios? Why, you should playfully decline or renegotiate with the girl in Scenario 1, and warmly accept with the girl in Scenario 2.

Why? Confused? Or it makes intuitive sense, but you’re not sure the reason?

In Scenario 1, you’re already chasing, and you’re more invested than she is. When she asks you to watch her spot, she’s asking you for still more compliance – and if you say “yes”, you will only shift the power dynamic further in her favor.

But women aren’t attracted to men who are more invested in them than they are in the man. And the worse this imbalance is, the less attracted they become.

So what you need to do, to correct some of this imbalance, is to treat this compliance request by her as an opportunity; an opportunity to regain some momentum:

Girl: Will you keep an eye on my seat for me while I go to the bathroom?

You: Depends how long you’ll be gone for.

Or:

Girl: Will you keep an eye on my seat for me while I go to the bathroom?

You: Only if you promise to write my name with your fingertip on the bathroom mirror.

The first one asks her to qualify her absence.

The second one asks her for compliance in exchange for your compliance.

You don’t want to do an outright rejection here, because you’re already chasing, so this will be perceived by her as bitterness (sour grapes; it’s not working out, so screw her!). Instead, you counter by ask her to qualify her absence, or renegotiating; you ask for compliance in exchange for your compliance. This is something that only dominant males do. 99% of the men she meets will never do this to her, especially not when it feels like they’ve been chasing.

It’s a wakeup call to her that she has probably underestimated your value as a man.

And just like that, that early power imbalance you’d had going on has been corrected, and she is now intrigued. Quite possibly, she wouldn’t have returned to the seat again after she left had you just capitulated and said “yes” without terms, but by flirting with her here, you’ve just made her significantly more likely to return with renewed interest to get to know you after her bathroom break.

Now how about Scenario 2?

In Scenario 2, you’ll want to respond with a completely different sort of reaction; rather than renegotiate, you should just say yes:

Girl: Will you keep an eye on my seat for me while I go to the bathroom?

You: Sure. [warm smile]

Or:

Girl: Will you keep an eye on my seat for me while I go to the bathroom?

You: I’ll be right here. [warm smile]

Why such a big difference?

Two reasons:

  1. She’s already so invested that a “no” or a renegotiation by you (that is: you asking for compliance from her in exchange for your compliance) is going to damage your attainability and make you seem far more out of reach to her, which threatens to put her into auto-rejection and turn her cold on you once she’s this heavily invested in you already and there’s this strong a power dynamic in your favor (”Wow, I thought we were connected, and I’ve given him so much, but he won’t even give me an inch. I guess I haven’t had much of an impact on him after all”)

  2. At this point in the interaction, you’re already past that early-stage combative flirting (or maybe you didn’t even need it if she was very interested and investing right out of the gates) and returning to that means going backwards in the seduction, a big no-no if you actually want to get anywhere with her and, once again, steer clear of auto-rejection (you will seem unattainable if she thinks you’re going to keep taking things backwards, since, well, she can’t attain a man who keeps her trapped in early stage flirtation with him)

If, instead, you just give her a warm smile and say “Okay”, she gets a little burst of excitement – you’re comfortable investing in her, too!

After all that investing in you she just did, getting a little attainability boost from you like this all but seals the deal (and you can probably invite her home after she gets back).

So what’s the list you run through mentally to figure out how to respond to a compliance request when it’s a girl you’re flirting with / picking up / dating / seducing?

It looks like this:

  1. How deep into the interaction are we?
  2. Where do I rank vis-a-vis her in investment?
  3. Where do I rank vis-a-vis her in attainability?
  4. What is she asking me to do?

If the answers are:

  • Pretty deep into things at this point, or
  • She’s much more invested than I am, or
  • I am on the verge of being unattainable to her

... and the “what” of what you’re being asked to do isn’t crazy high effort or otherwise odd, then you should probably give her a warm smile and a short answer of assent: “Sure thing.”

If the answers aren’t any of those, however, you should probably decline or have her negotiate terms.

Now let’s talk about how you do that.


How to Say No: Flat Out, and Counteroffers

There are two ways to say no:

  1. Giving a flat no
  2. Making a counteroffer or alternate terms

You should give a flat no to:

  • Someone who is being rude to you
  • Someone who is threatening your value

(these are often one and the same)

Sometimes you may also give a flat no to a girl you’re in the early stages of flirting with... that is, when she’s still feeling you out. Or, you might do it with a girl you’re already seeing early on in the “warm up period” of a fresh batch of flirting.

Some examples of the first two kinds of “no”s:

  • Dumb-but-charismatic muscular acquaintance says, “Hey man, can you spot me $20 for cover at the nightclub? Thanks buddy.”

  • Fat girl who’s acting like a hottie says, “Can you hold my jacket while I go get drinks?”

  • Guy trying to tool you says, “Dude, aren’t your jeans like way too tight for a straight guy?”

Your responses here can be flat out “no”s, because you just want to shut these people down and let them know their behavior is unacceptable:

  • You to jock: “Sorry bro, I’m tapped out,” (whether you are or not) or (if you know him well), “No dude, I’m not paying your cover” (then laugh, then just keep laughing and saying no when he begs you)

  • You to fat girl: laugh, then “No, I am not holding your coat. Take it with you, or leave it over there” (then just keep laughing and saying no when she begs you)

  • You to tooling guy: “Not really, no” (with this guy though, you’ll act bored, not laugh; he’ll keep trying, and you’ll just keep acting really bored: “Nope, they’re not too tight. Nope. No. Nah-uh”)

how to say no

If a person isn’t being rude to you or threatening damage to your value, it’s better to just renegotiate terms / provide a counteroffer.

However, even then, there are wrinkles:

  • You can counteroffer something absurd if you want to make it clear that there’s no way in hell of this occurring, or

  • You can counteroffer something reasonable if you want to leave the door open or even encourage the other person to comply

For instance, say you’re with a group of people who are talking about planning a night out, and one of them says to you, “Hey, can you organize – just pick a place and let us know where we’re all going?”

The absurd reply, to shoot this down, might look like this:

“I’m booked up like crazy and don’t really have time to play the role of party planner, but if we don’t mind putting it off a few months I might be able to put something together for mid-October.” (which nobody wants to do, since they want a night out this weekend, not in 2 months)

In the above case, you could also just as well give a flat no if you are quite busy, since it’s rather inconsiderate of your time to ask you to do this if you’re a very busy person and hadn’t volunteered (and if you don’t think it’s inconsiderate, answer me this: why didn’t the person who asked you to volunteer simply just volunteer his own time instead of yours?).

The reasonable counteroffer, if you don’t mind doing it but want to make it easier on yourself, might be:

“I can, but I need a list of places from everyone they like going to first.”

Picking something absurd to counteroffer with, if you want to decline without declining, means doing one of the following things:

  • Offering to get it done far off in the future because you’re too busy until then (”I can do it, but it won’t be ready until October because I’m very booked”)

  • Asking for some large amount of value in return (”I’m willing to do it, but only if we make sure we’ve got at least a 3-to-1 girl-to-guy ratio in this little night out we’re planning, because I can’t get us in with the promoters otherwise. So if I plan it, you guys need to come up with the girls”)

Remember that this is all in the eye of the beholder. Putting something off a few months might actually be reasonable if you are genuinely busy and it’s a bigger project. If it’s something tiny and immediate and you’re putting it off a few months, then it’s absurd.

Important: with both flat out nos and with renegotiating on terms, pushy people will often beg, cajole, whine, and plead with you to please do what they want, okay? It’d be really cool of you. Thanks so much – you’re the man!

When you get this, there’s but one option: sticking to your guns.

Don’t stick to your guns and you’re dog meat. Stick to them and you will be fine, and respected.


Nonverbal Declines

Can’t not mention: nonverbal compliance declines.

These are some of the most powerful of all – the ones that you do with a single look.

You can decline almost any kind of compliance request with these two totally nonverbal options (in person, anyway):

Don’t forget these. You can’t use them via phone, text, email, instant message, etc. And it may be difficult to use them in a group if not everyone is watching you to gauge your response to a request.

But just about anywhere else, these are dynamite.


Pick Your Battles

Back to that hypervigilance you’ll have about knowing when and how to say no after you first “wake up” to effort levels and relative investment.

You don’t have to win every single interaction. Socializing isn’t a zero-sum deal. You can concede sometimes and not concede other times, and in fact, this is what’s required in most friendships and relationships.

If you become that guy who always turns down all of his friends’ requests and insists constantly on everything being done on his terms, you’ll find yourself experiencing pretty rapid friend turnover with new friends spinning in and out through the revolving door of your social life.

The truly cool guy is the one who knows to pick his battles well. Remember that it’s okay to comply if someone is a good friend of yours. If your buddy says, “Hey man, can you watch my drink while I hit the john?” you don’t have to renegotiate terms with him. You can just say “Sure.”

Much like with girls you are flirting with, other long-running relationships of yours will have some mix of you saying yes and you saying no so that the power dynamic never shifts too severely in any one person’s direction.

And as for women you’re in romantic relationships with – if you want to flirt, playfully say “no” sometimes to drive up tension. But don’t be such a dick that you never say yes to her ever... especially not if she complies with you a lot.


Just Say No

Here’s a quick recap:

Your level of investment in someone relative to that person’s in you is vastly important for determining who falls where in terms of social power and in social hierarchies. Further, human beings are investment-calculating machines, and are constantly keeping tabs on who’s invested how much time, energy, and effort where. The guy at the top is the one who invests the least effort in others while getting the most effort invested into him by others.

It’s common to become paranoid about effort levels and frame control once you become consciously aware of it. This will probably make you something of an asshole and a bit of a dick for a while, as you try to win every compliance-related encounter. That’s natural, but just keep in mind you don’t want to stay there forever. You want to learn the boundaries, then get more relaxed (and natural) about “no”s versus “yes”es.

You should say yes if the asker is:

  • Someone close, or
  • Someone you hold in high esteem, or
  • Someone high up in a hierarchy you’re climbing

... and the task itself isn’t anything too crazy and the person asking isn’t a girl you’re flirting with.

You should also say yes if you’re flirting with a girl and you are deep into the interaction and she is more invested in you than you are in her (and what she’s asking isn’t anything too crazy). It’s important that you don’t send her into auto-rejection or move backwards in the interaction; saying “yes” to small compliance requests that make sense for her to ask can help your attainability later on in things and make her feel more secure before you move to the next step.

You should flatly say no if the asker is:

  • Someone who is being rude to you
  • Someone who is threatening your value

If the asker is not being rude or a threat, it’s usually better to decline compliance by counter offering with a renegotiation of terms. An absurd offer if you want to discourage the other person or people from trying to get your compliance, or a realistic one if you don’t want to discourage this but do want to make your life a little easier and have no interest in being the suffering servant.

Don’t forget nonverbal declines like the bored look / skeptical look, and don’t be so much of an effort-paranoid jerk that you refuse to ever work with friends and girlfriends who are just trying to interact with you normally; pick your battles.

And that wraps up this series on compliance! If you want more material on dealing with sticky social situations, make sure you check out these articles:

And that’s all for now.

Chase

Related Articles from GirlsChase.com

Comments

Troy's picture

Great Stuff


Great Stuff. I need to say no more often. Not always yes!

David Riley's picture

Better Results


Hey Troy,

When you truly master the right times for "No" and "Yes", you will notice greater satisfaction in your interactions and relationships with people.

Just Dave

Bryann R.'s picture

How to deal and say No to an Authoritave person


Hey, Chase!

Another impormative & Great Article!
I believe this will help and I agree on this, coz' saying No also means be generous to yourself, Avoiding to be pressured by doing something you don't want to.
but I just wanna clarify in a situation where someone ( Your Boss in a company or any authoritative person ) asking a favor to do something you don't want to, because doing his/her favor is just only a waste in time. How can I deal w/ that person and must do?
Sorry for my English.

Bryann R.

David Riley's picture

Respectful No


Hey Bryann,

Depending on what the task is, you can let your employer know that you have other commitments. Don't go into a long story, just tell them you're unavailable to do it. You can always tell them that you're in the middle of something as well. A special note is to make sure to be respectful. Don't tell them out right "no", this is why it's always important to look busy on the job. When you look like you're not doing anything your boss will give you busy work. These are just some tips, if you have a specific example then I encourage you to ask away.

Just Dave

Anonymous's picture

What would you do pt 2


Hey thanks for the article links Dave, but I still want to know what you and Chase would do in my situation, I want to know how you both would triumph with girls while in my situation. I just want an honest example of what you'd guys would do.

Here's my question again:

Hey Chase and Dave, what would you do in my position? And what Mindsets would you have? And can you be very descriptive please.

Im in my mid to late twenties and im having a hard time right now. I don't have a job and I just got back into school, I don't have a car either and I still live with my fam, so logistics is hard. Im working on my self, but im having a hard time getting a job and all of that, but im pushing.

I wanted to know, how you guys would get girls and sleep with them in my position?
What confident mindset would you have? What I mean is, I think girls wont like me Because I dont have this and that and theyll think im a loser, I still approach but that is always on my mind. Then I think they dont want to give me the time of day because they have so much more than I have and they're either younger or the same age, why would they sleep with me?

I want to know how you guys would keep your confidence up and not let those things bother you. What advantages would you point out to yourself to know you're still the man?

Thanks guys

Sam2's picture

A Possible Mistake


"And, following the Law of Least Effort, he who is most invested in others, yet receives the greatest deal of investment in return, wins the tabulation contest."

Chase,

Did you mean "he who is LESS invested in others" ?

lao che's picture

great


great series of articles chase. i'm personally holding you responsible for turning a boy into a man. at the unfortunately ripe old age of 39. well, 37 when i found you but there was a seachange in my outlook on life around that time. i believe it would never have happened without girlschase.com

thank you

David Riley's picture

Happy for You


Hey Lao,

You're a testimony that it's never too late to begin learning game! I wish the best in endeavors and much success.

Just Dave

thatfatdood's picture

Another great article


Chase, you are truly a great writer. I love how you break everything down and give us a quick summary in the end to make sure the information sticks.
I really needed this, because my biggest problem lately has been saying no to people.

Thanks!

Troy's picture

Learning to Love Writing Field Reports


Hey Dave,

If you or anyone might have seen my Journal on the boards of lately, then it would be clearly evident that I am not writing up my field reports regularly. I don't like writing apart from asking questions on stuff which is not always beneficial, in terms of helping me remember what I did wrong and how to fix it.

When I didn't have any technology device, I wrote my field reports in a notebook. But it was always very rarely. I feel sleepy and weird when writing. Plus I don't like trying to force myself to write. Whenever I write down something I often read it back later and feel EXTREMELY EMBARRASSED as to what I said or did. I always write down:

1) Myself and the girls body language
2) What was said
3) Why I did what at xyz time
4) What I think I can change.

It's extremely hard to look over my field reports because it make a no sense to me.

How do I enjoy writing? I keep forcing myself to like things I hate but this is something I need to learn to enjoy.

Should I just write what comes to mind and let it flow? I struggle with remembering things quickly though so what to change there too?

How to read over my field reports and not feel embarrassed even if what I wrote down is a bit silly/stupid to say or Do?

Thanks

Troy

David Riley's picture

All About Experience


Hey Troy,

There is no need to feel embarrassed about your field reports. There is no concrete way of writing field reports and everyone writes them differently. Look at field reports as a way of helping you in the future. The format you are using is fine because you're outlining the facts. You're not writing a narrative, you're writing solely what happened during the interaction. The more and more you write reports about your interactions, the better you will see yourself becoming. The trick to learning to love writing is to find your purpose for writing. When you find the purpose for your writing, the words will flow freely. Remember we all started from somewhere and becoming a master was not meant to be easy. Learn from every experience you have.

Take care,

Just Dave

Train's picture

For the cold girl who asks


For the cold girl who asks for you to hold her seat, isn't it weak to try to "woo" her by trying to get her to comply when she's already sent signals that she's not that into you?

Great stuff. Your article on chasing has really left a mark on me, the good kind. Just what I needed in life after being a pathetic puppy-dog, hah .

David Riley's picture

Context


Hey Train,

From the context of the dialogue from the article, I don't see that the girl was already cold. I believe Chase was getting at that if you don't invest in her slightly she could become cold. Now to answer your question it is weak to woo a girl when she's already cold. That would be consider chasing because she has already communicated she's not interested. Let me know if that answers your question. Also don't worry we've all been "chasers" at one time or another. ;)

Take care,

Just Dave

Train's picture

Ah, I see, thanks very much.


Ah, I see, thanks very much. That makes sense. I appreciate the empathizing too, thanks :). Take care as well.

Anonymous's picture

Lose gracefully


How to lose gracefully? What is the best way to handle situations when you just have to lose. Whether in a street fight failing to defend a girl, maybe a girl rejects you or you just lose your long created business. You write articles in general that helps raising efficiency of relationships in all arenas, but what about this one?

David Riley's picture

Noted!


Hey Anon,

I will let Chase and the other authors know about your request.

Just Dave

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