What If She Says No? | Girls Chase

What If She Says No?

You did it; you took the plunge and asked her to do something... to come with you, go out with you, tell you something, show you something... to invest.

And now, she’s said no.

what if she says no

Well what exactly do you do? What do you do when she says no?

This is a pressing question for men. If guys didn’t worry about answering the “what if she says no?” question, men everywhere would walk up to the women they wanted and address them with reckless abandon.

There’d be no “missed connections”; no “I saw this beautiful girl today, and she saw me, and I wish I’d gone and said something to her.”

No more “waiting for the right moment”... not really.

Because there’d be no fear of looking awkward and feeling uncomfortable if it didn’t work out. Yet, this is not the case, because men generally do not know how to handle a no.

In Part 2 of our 3-part series on compliance (you can read Part 1 here: How to Get Her to Say “Yes”), we’re going to tackle your options for how to proceed when you get a “no.”

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.

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Comments

Troy's picture

So how do I have fun when I'm learning? There is a thing in psychology that talks about how someone can come across as incongruent with their inner and outer selves. For example:

A man is surrounded by 3 girls and he is inexperienced. He tries to contain his nerves by putting on a plastic smile and confident body language. This sort of thing people pick up on quickly that repels them. Well of course " something is wrong". What can we do about incongruent frames? It's sort of meeting the same person today and behaving like a nerd then tomorrow a jock. How do we control our selves from being incongruent when rejected or have set a new identity for ourselves? ( A now seducer of women sometimes behaving like a nerd he once was)

I often feel a bit stiff in my body when approaching girls and maintaining a calm and fun attitude is complex. What can I do to loosen up and have FUN?

I primarily :

Go out alone to meet girls
Do only day game
Always make sure I'm dressed to impress

Troy

David Riley's picture

Hey Troy,

I highly recommend that you find out what style of learning applies to you. When you find what out your learning style, learning will be a lot more enjoyable for you. For example, I'm a visual learner. So when I normally have to see things in action before I grasp the concept. Here's a link to discover your learning style. Check it out and apply that to your ability to learn pick up.

http://www.learning-styles-online.com/overview/

Just Dave

Anonymous's picture

Chase, I love your articles, always right on point, but it would be really cool to have an article dedicated to sexy hairstyles. Also, do you think a #3 buzzcut is a good style if you can pull it off?

David Riley's picture

Hey Anon,

I let Chase and the other author's know about this request, another reader had requested a similar article.

Just Dave

Anonymous's picture

I just think that this is an interesting talk on long-term relationships... http://www.ted.com/talks/esther_perel_the_secret_to_desire_in_a_long_ter...

David Riley's picture

Hey Anon,

Thanks for sharing the link.

Just Dave

Hubert's picture

Hey Chase,

You talk about how you do things a lot, but how do you approach this self improving stuff itself. Mindset is pretty much clear, but what about concrete actions. Here and there I have seen 'have list of 3 items for outing' or 'make spreadsheet' or smth like that, but maybe you have some list of tried out and worth trying ideas how one should learn stuff from this site. There are plenty of articles with plenty of material and trying everything out and getting down seems to take a lot of time and energy and with best wishes it is still hard to learn everything. How can one do it?

Another topic I wanna touch: I have a lot of girls (many of female friends) to claim that they get approached a lot. Sometimes a shy girl says that she gets 0-1 approaches a month, and another girl working in the shop that guys hit on her and propose 'marriage' 5-10 times a day. And some female friends or girls claiming that ratio of guys approaching them is not so low, so maybe it is not that uncommon as you usually try to express? Or maybe I misunderstood smth. What once felt like a magic that pretty much no one does now seems to be that many guys do it consistently so cold approaches doesn't make me exceptional. Am I looking at wrong things?

Cheers,
Hub.

Hubert's picture

I would also add from my own needs:
* How to relate with anyone
* How to become passionate (about smth)

David Riley's picture

Hey Hubert,

Check out the article link on how to master anything.

How to Master Anything
Relatability

Options:
Hubert, you were never meant to be the only one guy approaching on particular girl. If the girl looks good enough, guys will consistently approach her. This is why women have a higher number of "quantity" options than men. Cold approach gives guys a better option for finding girls, rather than relying on social circle.

Take care,

Just Dave

greatness guide's picture

Hey Chase, in your articles " How to make friends " and " How to be cool ",
you talked about providing value.
I do not quite understand what you mean by giving value.
Is it offering compliments to your friend or show a lot of admiration?
Can you expand more on giving value.
You stated that providing value turns out to be the master key to make friends,
there's a guy sitting next to me in one of my classes.
I want to make him my friend so how and in what way should I provide value?
Thanks.

David Riley's picture

Hey Guide,

Check out out this article link.

Social Value

Just Dave

Anonymous's picture

I've got a pair of inquiries to make. The first being, I'm a high schooler, and to my understanding, it's harder to get girls into bed at this age. Should I just try to develop my fundamentals and style (Hard to style some sexy facial hair here, but other than that)?
And second, I'm continuously realizing my mistakes only after I make them (frustratingly often, seconds after I've made them). I know the saying goes, "Hindsight is 20-20", but are there any tricks to help me make my foresight better?

David Riley's picture

Hey Anon,

First Answer:
Check out this forum post from one of our senior members detailing high school game.
High School Game

Second Answer:
All that comes with experience, once you make a mistake you'll see how to prevent it. Other than reading the site, there's no real way to develop it. Because you won't know what you're looking for until you see it.

Just Dave

Goodform's picture

Chase, I just heard that majority of girls find
a guy's sleepy voice extremely sexy and that its a major turn on.
I did a bit of research and apparently, its a fact cause girls literally melt
with this sleepy voice. Do you think any of this is true?
Should I just sound sleepy for a sexy voice? If its the case, I guess
all regular , unsexy guys would have super appealing voices at night,
when they are about to sleep. Does not make sense to me.

Dimes's picture

You just made me realize something.?one time I was talking to this lady on the phone when I woke up and had a really sleepy voice.... I noticed the conversation her voice had a higher pitch and she became very warm sounding attracted.

I didn't realize then that my voice made her like that. I'm gonna use it this time with knowledge

David Riley's picture

Hey Form,

It has to do with the bedroom voice, a deep resonating voice that you would use to speak to a women while you're escalating physically. The whole idea of the matter is you use it to seduce a woman. It works extremely well, especially when you combine it with pregnant pauses and sexual framing. Now, if a guy isn't fundamentally sexy, it won't help. Because he'll begin talking about boring things and ruin the vibe. The girl will end up getting sleepy and call the guy who can excite her.

Take care,

Just Dave

Pablo Marcos 's picture

Can u make a post on when to give girls the silent treatment?

David Riley's picture

Hey Pablo,

I will let Chase and the other authors know about your request. I am also attaching an article on using the "Bored Look". It implements some of the keys ideas of the silent treatment. Give it a gander.

Bored Look

Take care,

Just Dave

Anonymous's picture

You're probably not going to see this but...Can you write about things men do that make girls-and people in general-feel awkward or uncomfortable? That way, we can have a bullet point of things that must NOT do if we want to succeed with women.

David Riley's picture

PinotNoir's picture

Chase,

This is similar to what I've run into recently! and I'm wondering if you can help me out. (It's my most recent FR on the boards.)

First, I did some bad stuff. We met in person at a local 5k race. I grabbed her #, and then we ended up texting way too much, about 170+ texts total in one day. We chatted very briefly in person, so this is why I ended up texting back and forth with her a lot, but I overdid it. To move fast (and because the city is about 2 hours from where I live, was in town visiting friends), I set up the date the immediate day (met on Sat, then date on Sun).

Next, the date also had to be short due to her work, so we just grabbed lunch. Thankfully, we still had good conversation, and I kissed her on the cheek.

Then I did some more bad stuff... we kept texting back and forth everyday. Anyway, I started going for the 2nd date and mentioning it a lot. Then she dropped the bombshell....

She said that she wants to be friends more before dating. She said that she's traditional and likes that way better.

I kept my cool, but I still said something pretty bad: "So how long do you need to be friends with a guy first? A week? A month?" Bad, I know. She got a bit upset, and then I calmed it down. Finally, I just asked it plainly, "Well, if you want to just be friends, just tell me. That is fine, no worries. I'm a big boy :P" -- something similar to that. She ended up replying with, "No, I just want to be friends first," etc. I ended up accepting her frame. The next day, I didn't contact her at all, just to get some silence between us. Then the next day, I ended up texting her just normal conversation, like nothing had happened.

So, it's in this weird friend zone area.

Basically, in relation to this article, I was trying to get the 2nd date, and she changed it to us being friends. Then when I pushed harder about it, she didn't want to say "friends only." What the heck? I've just never gotten this before. Usually, if I push hard, she either says "OK, let's go on a date" or "Yes, let's just be friends only," not in this weird grey area. She doesn't want to say that we're "just friends" but she also doesn't want to say that we're dating. Any experience with this?

So anyway, we will be hanging out as "friends" next time I'm in town. I've been talking to other girls as well to make sure I don't get stuck on this girl (and something that can just end up in the friend zone).

Thanks for any insight as always,
PN

P.S. I'd love to see an article on how to overcome the "typical date." I try my best to move fast, use sexual innuendos and flirting, deep conversation, etc. on dates, but I still feel like I run them like every typical guy out there. How did the writers at GC break the mold? When did they go on a date and finally feel like they really showed a girl a date that she hadn't experienced before? How do you not be the typical guy on a date and how do you run a date that she will remember?

David Riley's picture

Hey Noir,

The girls likes the attention you're giving her. She's that if she clearly states one way or another her intentions, you're gone. She doesn't want to lose the attention you're giving her. You've invested way too much time in this girl, next her. Let her be the one to contact you. Go spend time with women whom actually want to go to bed with you. Get her to invest in you.

Check some of these articles on dating:

Simplify Your Dates
Dating on Your Terms
Minimize Confusion

Take care,

Just Dave

Anonymous's picture

Hey Chase and Dave, what would you do in my position? And what Mindsets would you have? And can you be very descriptive please.

Im in my mid to late twenties and im having a hard time right now. I don't have a job and I just got back into school, I don't have a car either and I still live with my fam, so logistics is hard. Im working on my self, but im having a hard time getting a job and all of that, but im pushing.

I wanted to know, how you guys would get girls and sleep with them in my position?
What confident mindset would you have? What I mean is, I think girls wont like me Because I dont have this and that and theyll think im a loser, I still approach but that is always on my mind. Then I think they dont want to give me the time of day because they have so much more than I have and they're either younger or the same age, why would they sleep with me?

I want to know how you guys would keep your confidence up and not let those things bother you. What advantages would you point out to yourself to know you're still the man?

Thanks guys

David Riley's picture

Hey Anon,

I want you to check out Chase's most recent article, "I can't get girls because of . . ." Click Here
I also recommend "The real reason men can't get girls" Click Here

Just Dave

XxX XxX again's picture

if a person is making fun of someone you like how do you make them stop in a socially savvy way? any steps to do that?

David Riley's picture

Hey XxX,

It really depends on the situation. If we're talking about a girl you like but doesn't know you like her, I let it go. You don't want to come off as a white knight or that you're trying to protect. If we're talking about a girl you're on a date with, say something. If you don't she'll assume you're a pussy and can't protect her. In those situations, I just say to the guy "You got a problem?" in a stern tone. I only do this when things are getting out of hand. Ironically, if the girl is a friend of mine, I join in "Hey guy relax, she can't help that she's lame."

Just Dave

bolt's picture

Hey Dave I posted this as a comment in a board topic but I would like your opinion also. Maybe its my
intense religious background but when I meet a girl
and find out she is a virgin or religious then I
hesitate and don't push as hard as I usually do.
Sometimes it feels as if I will defile them if I have
sex with them. Now this is interesting because a
girl I was sleeping with my freshmen year of college
(two years ago) was religious and even directed the
choir at a local church. However when I found that
out and saw the refrigerator magnets of scriptures
in her dorm room I was already a FWB so it didn't
bother me much. However, if i knew this before
hand I probably would've sabotaged myself. Just
last night a virgin was over in my Apt but I didn't
push for sex like I usually would with a girl whois
not a virgin. This same phenomenon happened my
freshmen year with this beautiful Muslim girl I was
smitten with. I was alone in her Apt. In both
instances we spent the night together and nothing
happened, not even a kiss! This is because I see
Virgins and religious girls as pristine Angels still!
How can I get past this because I know Virgins an

David Riley's picture

Hey Bolt,

To keep my answer relatively short, I will just cause a girl says she's religious doesn't mean she's religious. Never take what a woman's words at face value. It's all about keeping up appearances. Anyway Colt covered the mindset fairly well in this article right here. Check it out.

Religious Girl

jakd's picture

hey!
any advice or articles on how to be nice and genuine without being seen as a person to be taken advantage of or as a ladder rung to be stepped on to climb higher socially?

David Riley's picture

Hey Jakd,

Check out these articles:

Better Than Jerk
Genuine Man

Just Dave

Colin T.'s picture

Hi Chase

Huge fan of the site and avid follower. My game isn't anything special presently, but I'm always looking to improve myself and your site has helped immensely.

A quick set up of the situation. Saturday night (9th) I was DJ-ing at a wedding reception and one gorgeous girl - a bridesmaid (also sister of the bride) - was, in her one words, "the bane of my evening" of which I told her was perfectly fine by me.

As I was working and wanting to look professional, I didn't have that much of an opportunity to really open her, despite the amount of times she came up to request songs (although on numerous occasions she came over and didn't know what she wanted - so maybe this was a missed opportunity).

At the end of the night, after everything was packed away just before I was due to leave, she came over to discuss payment and I took the opportunity to ask if she would like to have coffee with me. She replied with what you've described above as a "gentle no" - basically she said she "couldn't" because she had a boyfriend. I read that as not that she didn't want to, but she was unsure if she should due to the boyfriend situation (if indeed that was even true - he wasn't at the wedding...).

I brushed off the rejection with a smile and a "well if you don't ask you'll never know" but in your opinion, should I have persisted a little more until I got either a yes, or a firm no? At the very least should I have tried to get a number?

As an aside - I currently don't have any business cards, which I would have given to her as a "in case you change your mind".

Thanks
C

David Riley's picture

Hey Colin,

Women love attention and she may have possibly had thoughts of what if between you and her. Unfortunately because she had a "boyfriend" and it was her sister's wedding, she didn't want to look to easy. I do believe you handled it right. You just brushed it off, you want her sister to give you a good review. You don't want to be know as the "Creepy DJ who hit on my sister." Some girls just like flirting just to flirt. If you had cards you could have slipped her that line. It's only preparation for next time. Anyway, I feel like you handled the best you could given your position.

Take care,

Just Dave

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