Attainability Woes; or, Why Girls Who Like You Reject You


Commenting on “I Can’t Get Girls Because Girls Only Want [BLANK]”, TR asks the following about girls who appear to like you, yet ultimately sabotage their interactions with you due to hang-ups:

I've noticed that even though I can have an outstanding interaction with a woman that clearly likes me, when it comes to closing she may still sabotage herself. This usually happens with women much taller than I am, and though I have no doubt that she really likes me, I'm also pretty certain that the height thing makes her a bit insecure. These women consistently fall over hard for me afterwards (lack of control + attraction is dynamite) but they have that mental block that sabotages them more often than not.

Do you think you could post up a follow-up article on how to handle things like this? Perhaps it has to do with setting the right frames, or maybe it's just a matter of letting go and looking for the right girls instead.

This is a great topic, and it's something you'll run into repeatedly if you're out meeting women fairly often: those girls who clearly like you, are into you, are attracted to you... yet who just won't let themselves do anything with you.

girl likes you but rejects you

It's a disconcerting affair the first couple of times you run into it. "I can tell she likes me," you say to youself. "Why the heck is she rejecting me?"

Ultimately, the problem always comes down to the same thing: attainability.

And no matter how swell a guy you are, how friendly, likeable, or attractive, for one reason or the other, she just doesn't view you as all that attainable... and ends up auto-rejecting.

While you can't always prevent this, once you understand why it's happening you can avoid it sometimes - either by preventing the problem from occurring in the first place, or by recognizing when it is occurring, and nipping it in the bud before it becomes something more dooming.


girl likes you but rejects you

If you're new to Girls Chase, don't own the eBook, or otherwise haven't read much on attainability, I'd recommend you do some reading on that subject first, as it's an important one to grasp but a little counterintuitive to get your head around initially... especially when you're accustomed to thinking of most problems you have with women as being value problems, like most men are wont to.

I won't make this article a tutorial on attainability; I'll assume you're already familiar with the concept. If you need a quick refresher, your attainability is a measure of how accessible you seem to be to a woman.

If she thinks you're chasing her, or are too needy or too available, then your attainability is too high, and you're not someone she wants, even if you're otherwise a high value guy and she's more invested in you than you are in her.

You're too easy, which implies her read on your value must be wrong and there must be some kind of hidden flaw with you for you to be acting this way to her (a man who's legitimately high value isn't going to chase after her or put her on a pedestal, excepting that rare sort of man who chases a woman romantically / emphatically in an attractive way).

If you're very aloof, or not relatable, or she feels like you're being insincere or not genuine, then your attainability is too low, and she will auto-reject to protect her ego.

Basically, she feels like you don't care about her, or are having a laugh at her expense, or aren't someone she can connect with, or are likely to break her heart at a moment's notice, and so she protects herself by getting away from you.

This latter problem is the problem you're running into when girls who seem to like you (and aren't flirty girls or girls who like you in a friendly way that you're simply misreading as showing romantic/sexual interest in you) proceed to reject you.


Problem #1: Your "Type" is Alien to Her

Imagine the quiet bookworm girl who suddenly gets approached by the loud, brash jock athlete. He might be attractive to her, and she might feel some primal urges around him... yet, she brushes him off with an awkward smile and dashes away, books clutched against her chest anyway, fearful of his intentions.

Or imagine the girl from the rock music or punk/emo/hipster scene, dressed in her going out gear, who runs into a polished, attractive office worker from downtown in his tailored suit. She may find this clean cut, self-assured man charming or even sexy, but she'll cut the interaction short and get moving regardless, fearing his judgment of her as low class or slutty and wanting to avoid dealing with that uncomfortable but probable scenario.

Or, imagine the tall girl who meets the short man, like in TR's example, and finds him attractive, yet fears the inevitable (she thinks) result: he gets uncomfortable and starts treating her like the tall, awkward girl, and cheats on her or leaves her for someone short. Maybe due to his own insecurities (he gets tired of buddies teasing him about being with a taller woman), or maybe due to his own preferences (men generally tend to prefer women shorter than them). So, fearing this outcome, she tells him it was nice meeting him, overrides her own interest in him, and exits stage left.

All of these are attainability problems. They all stem from a girl thinking that a girl like her cannot get a guy like you... it's not realistic.

To some extent, the best way to resolve issues like this is to adjust your identity to conform more closely to the kind of women that you want:

  • You can get nerdy bookworm chicks as a big jock athlete, but you'll have much more luck if you can bring your identity closer to a nerdy bookworm and further from a big jock athlete

  • You can get rock/punk/emo/hipster girls dressed in your 9-to-5 corner office attire, but you'll tend to fare a lot better if you style yourself closer to a rock/punk/emo/hipster look than not

  • You can get taller girls being the short guy, but you'll tend to do better if you wear lifts and alter your energy to emulate taller male energy (slower, less energetic, more laconic) rather than shorter male energy (faster, more dynamic, less deliberate)

There's a lot more you can do with attainability than just conform to a girl's type; however, conformity is a major way to do it. In addition to conforming to her type, other types of conformity / chameleon-like adaptability include:

I hear the peanut gallery out there: but I don't WANT to act like someone I'm not just to get a girl!

First and foremost, if you're doing it right, you're not pretending to be someone else, you're highlighting the aspects of yourself that match hers and ignoring those that don't.

Secondly... the man who wants more success with women learns to be flexible. The inflexible man must settle for "perfect matches" rather than "acceptable matches", which greatly limits his range. If you're only looking for Miss Right, that's one way to go about it (though if you never make it to an abundance mentality due to this and Miss Right gets weirded out and leaves because she's used to more secure and less cling/needy men, don't say I didn't warn you), but if you're looking for anything else, you're cutting your own feet off from stubbornness and rigidity.

The closer you can get your type to match what she is attracted to and familiar with, the better you will tend to do with girls like her.

Caveat: not every woman is looking for her male double.

girl likes you but rejects you

You will find the punk chick who's tired of punk guys and is just wishing she could meet a clean cut office guy; you'll find the bookworm girl who's fed up with slow-moving bookworm guys and fantasizes about a sexy jock who will sweep her off her feet; you'll meet the tall girl who's annoyed with tall guys' frequent low energy and silly humor (not all of them, but many of them), and desperately wants a sexual short guy who'll climb all over her.

However, you should go in assuming that on average, most of the women you'll meet are looking for someone closer to them than not.


Problem #2: Your Energy Levels are Off

One of the issues men run into when they're starting out learning game is that they come in acting like entertainers because they think to themselves: "Well, girls are so flaky and so prone to ignoring men, if I want to capture a girl's attention, I need to be entertaining: to be energetic, funny, very expressive, loud, and emotive. She needs the greatest show on Earth!"

They get stuck on this because being the entertainer receives great reactions... even if his actual results are meager.

Why are his results meager? Because who can CONNECT to a person like this?

When you're watching a female presenter up on stage cracking jokes and telling stories, you might think, "Gee, she sure is entertaining," but you're probably not going to think, "I'd sure love to grab a burger with her, get to know her, and shag her brains out after." She doesn't really strike you as someone you could possibly do those things with (or want to).

Guess what... same deal for the entertainer. The entertainer is low attainability. He comes in, he grabs attention, he mesmerizes... but he builds precisely no connection to the girl, gets zero sexual tension accrued, and only serves as a sideshow attraction.

Sure, everybody bulges their eyes out when the clown swallows the flaming sword. But they don't want to go to bed with the clown.

On the other extreme, it's possible to be too low energy... this is the guy who opens her, but acts really apathetic, not expressive at all, monotone, boring. He's phoning it in, and she can tell it.

The guy girls go for is the guy with the right balance of energy: he's neither the mope nor the entertainer, but the guy in the middle... the one who's alert, witty, and interested, but also easily bored and distracted if she isn't interesting him.

This way, she must earn his attention, and when she has it, it's good attention and she feels connected and rewarded. And when she doesn't, she feels compelled to get it back.

If you're being apathetic or too much fun though, kiss your attainability goodbye - because you don't seem remotely interested (if acting apathetic), or because you don't seem remotely real (if acting too over-the-top).


girl likes you but rejects you

How big is attainability?

It's huge. HUGE.

If you aren't actively working on it all the time, you've almost certainly got a giant hole in your game.

You're a high value guy who gets girls investing? Great! Oh, but you're not attainable...?

How odd... despite your high value and mounds of compliance, you still can't get girls on dates or into bed. What causes this? Attainability.

You could be the descendent of James Dean and look and act every bit the part. You could have her investing in you like crazy. Yet, if you are coming across unattainably (or, alternately, overly attainably), you won't get girls.


The Irony of Attainability

One of the reasons the lover has an easier time with women than the boyfriend candidate is because the former is frankly more attainable.

In many ways, the lover will actually be a lower value guy to the boyfriend candidate. He likely:

  • Isn't as wealthy (pool boy vs. home owner)
  • Isn't as intelligent (college dropout vs. MBA holder)
  • Isn't as accomplished (unsuccessful artist vs. successful businessman)

... all of which results in him coming across as infinitely more attainable.

When a woman examines a potential boyfriend candidate (some guy she likes enough to want to date), here are some of the things that go through her head:

  • Is he going to like me?
  • Am I going to be good enough for him?
  • Is he going to think I'm too slutty? Or not experienced enough?
  • Am I too young for him? Or too old for him?
  • What if he thinks I'm boring?
  • What if I'm not what he's looking for?

And do you know how many of those things she worries about with the potential lover (some guy she mostly just wants to sleep with)?

Almost none of them. Or perhaps even none of them, period.

Guess what that does for attainability? That's right - the lover has a far easier time of it attainability-wise because she doesn't care about his opinion on so many of these other things.

girl likes you but rejects you

If he's an okay guy, and attractive, and available enough, but still a challenge, and he gets her investing, and teases her enough to get her hot-and-bothered but not so much he sends her into auto-rejection or stalls out the interaction, that's generally enough.

He doesn't need to think she's a saint or his dream girl. He just has to want to shag her.

Because of that, the same guy doing the same exact things and interacting with her exactly the same way seems infinitely more attainable to her if she views him as a potential lover than he does if she views him as a potential boyfriend.

Of course, getting out of boyfriend consideration is another topic in and of itself, and not the subject of this piece. But it is something to consider when you're weighing how hard you need to work on your attainability: is she vetting you for a lover role, or a boyfriend one?


Troubleshooting Hidden Attainability Woes

If you detect your attainability tanking before the interaction has drawn to a real close, you still may have a shot to turn it around.

The best way to do this usually consists of:

These are usually the areas you're slacking off in when attainability starts to drop, and they're normally your best shots for bringing it back up to acceptable levels:

Doing more warm, considerate things with her; getting her to open up more and making her feel good about what she shares; giving her a feeling of progress in the interaction so she knows it's going somewhere and you aren't just yanking her chain; touching her more so she feels a physical connection with you and doesn't think you just like her as a friend or are purely pursuing something non-sexual with her.

If she has identity-level issues with you, it's also EXTREMELY important to suss out what these are and address them. That means:

  • If she's the quiet bookworm about to auto-reject because you're the loud, brash athlete, you need to tone it down and show her that really this is all for show and actually you're a huge nerd who's into Dragonball Z or you've been reading through some literature classics in your spare time (whatever you're reading that's closest to what she reads, break that out in conversation)

  • If she's the hipster chick and you're the business type and you can tell she's holding herself back out of fear of being judged, find out what kind of music she likes and discuss a similar, related band you enjoy and your adventures with it, or talk about how you used to make music or how you're a secret concert junkie but no one at work suspects it because they'd all freak out if you told them

  • If she's tall and you're short, do something short men and tall women never do because it makes their height differences so very obvious, like invite her to come dance with you (and then persist until she relents and agrees - assuming you're a good dancer, of course)

Notice those first two are about portraying yourself as an "undercover" version of her type - you look different, but it's just an act; the real you is more like her.

It's also a good idea to compliment her more than you would a woman who doesn't have attainability issues with you, including/especially on things you think she may fear you'll dislike in her:

  • Compliment the bookworm on how cute she looks with her glasses and books and tell her she's got this very unique allure about her that it's hard for you to put your finger on

  • Compliment the hipster on her hairstyle and how well it suits her face and really brings out the most attractive parts of her look

  • Compliment the tall girl on her poise and how her poise together with her height lends her this very elegant air that is very attractive and very sexy

If you can give her a genuine compliment that is both personal (e.g., NOT "You have great taste in literature" or "Your favorite band really is excellent, yeah") and unique (e.g., ties together multiple details on her person), you will go a long way toward obliterating much of your attainability difficulties with her.


You Can't Always Win

Even if you're ace at attainability, you'll still meet women from time to time who are just so rigidly into their heads and so fearful of rejection or dismissal that they won't listen to anything you say about their attractiveness or how much you relate to them or anything along those lines, and will excuse themselves and scurry off because they fear you harming their egos.

This is one reason I prefer very confident women myself; they're just easier to work with, and low attainability is much less of a concern (you don't have to worry as much about seeming too hard to get when she thinks she can get any man on the planet).

However, it's worth learning attainability tech, because the very confident women you meet will be relatively uncommon, and most girls have average levels of confidence - which means that the more attractive you become, the more work you're going to have to do to not seem out of their leagues.

I even had a friend once who embarked on a mission to date ugly girls for a while and see how long he could keep them in a relationship with him just to work on his attainability game (since this was something he needed a lot of work in). If you can get good at attainability, it opens up a world of possibilities to you - because not every girl who finds you intimidating or not her type is ugly; many of them are quite attractive.

Whenever you lose a girl like this, who was into you but rejected you, say this to yourself: "I must improve at attainability." Of course, it's always a balance - you can't go purely for making yourself super attainable, because if you go too far you can swing into "overly available" and kill intrigue and attraction.

The right balance is being attainable enough that a girl feels you are just at the limit of what she can attain - and of course, that needs tweaking and calibration on a case-by-case basis, since every single woman you meet is a different person, has different life experiences, and a different base level of self-confidence.

Which only makes the game all the more fun; it never stops being fresh when it's different every time.

Yours,
Chase Amante

Related Articles from GirlsChase.com

Comments

Too Deep's picture

Pretty much clear


I just got interested in that comment about honesty under the article of why we call girls sluts or smth like that. I understood why Law of Least Effort applies at all. It seems that this is the thing that universe is constantly seeking for efficiency so main discipline everywhere is math, cause it teaches brain to calculate, estimate and quickly find ways to come to best desicion possible in that scenario. :)

Anonymous's picture

Thank You


Chase, thanks so much man!

All these other PUA artist advocate sleazy gimmicks that come off incredibly contrived.

After reading your articles it dawned on me the principals you encourage us to implement are fundamental to success with women.

Thanks a lot I'm pulling women left and right now

Anonymous's picture

Chase, what's the thing with


Chase, what's the thing with Sean Connery ?
I honestly do not see why nearly everyone says
he is " The sexiest Bond ever."
Seriously, his looks are not comparable to...let's say Pierce Brosnan
or even Daniel Craig.
What has he got of so special?

David Riley's picture

Personal Preference


Hey Anon,

It's all about personal preference, some people like Sean Connery because he was the original James Bond. Every bond played bond differently and relates to a different era generation of men.

Take care,

Just Dave

Chase Amante's picture

Sean

Author

Anon-

It's what you said "sexiest", not necessarily "best looking."

"Good-looking" and "sexy" are two entirely different categories. You can have a man (or a woman) who's absolutely gorgeous, but not remotely sexy. Conversely, you can have a man (or a woman) who's quite unattractive looks-wise, but extremely sexy.

Looks are things like hair, clothes, physique, raw facial features, and the like.

Sexiness is comprised of things like facial expressions, walk, posture, movement speed and gestures, and sexual tension-building / sexual humor.

The two are both useful for attraction, but sexiness is more useful. That's why you will notice that the biggest Hollywood stars are invariably males and females both who are the "sexiest", regardless of whether they have more unequivocally beautiful peers who nevertheless lack their level of sexpot status.

Connery has been chased by women like crazy, even into very old age, because he's simply a very sexy man. Other Bonds may have been better looking, but there are few actors who approach his level of raw sexiness. Harrison Ford is one. There are some other examples, but not many.

Chase

Troy's picture

I understand now


I know what happened with that girl who went cold on me now thanks. But seriously, I struggle when it comes to minding the law of social styles and changing my behavior. I am usually too low energy and when I meet high energy I get scared and when trying to match up with them, it comes across as weird/fake. It's like I'm FORCING MYSELF to be loud and funny when I live a quiet life 99.9 times. What can I do about this.

TR's picture

That's no fun


I remember one time this girl was way too high energy so after getting a seat with her I literally told her to calm down. She did NOT like that haha. Really sassy. I just laughed and kept talking, but internally it did throw me off.

Things did not end out the way I wanted them to, but thinking back, I can't help but think that maybe she was just worked up and horny. I'm no expert on this, but I think that if I kept deep diving till I hit the right topic she would have snapped into a more conducive state for me to invite her home. Some girls respond well to deep diving but they're too high energy to feel like they're talking to you because of you rather than talking to anybody because they're butterflies.

I'm very low energy too so that's how I think I should have done it with my preferred style. High energy people repel me and I'm too stubborn to play their game, it does feel unnatural.

Chase Amante's picture

Energy Levels

Author

Troy-

Probably a judgment call.

I have known very introverted individuals who turned themselves into people who could switch on high energy levels at the push of a button (almost) because they wanted to get good socially and be able to do very well with women and people. Some of the guys I learned from early on were this way - the were phenomenal at dominating social situations, but at the end of a night they'd be utterly drained and need to go recover.

If you're an introvert like this, it's possible to build up your "socializing reserves" and call upon these when out, and then just go refill them after you've been socializing by doing whatever you need to do to recover your energy.

Of course, if you're not on a mission to become a super socializer, you can always just look for more likeminded people who want low key conversations and don't get very energetic, and keep away from energetic venues (like loud dance clubs), and you'll be fine so long as you don't end up dating any women who are stimulation junkies ;)

Chase

J's picture

Become like water


I think Bruce lee said it best

You must be shapeless, formless, like water. When you pour water in a cup, it becomes the cup. When you pour water in a bottle, it becomes the bottle. When you pour water in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Water can flow or it can crash. Become like water my friend.

David Riley's picture

Applies to Many Things


Hey J,

The best thing about that quote is that it applies to so many things to life.

Bruce Lee - Be Water

Take care,

Just Dave

TR's picture

Attainability and ease


Hey Chase,
A lot of good points here. I think you summed up the general gist of it.
I think it does come down to attainability and how well you can put a girl at ease despite her internal insecurities. I'm already of a very laconic and deliberate disposition and have a very easy time setting these girls at ease, but sometimes their concerns are very intrinsic and being too different can definitely trigger auto-rejection.

I've noticed very recently that when I let my stubble grow thick many people are incapable of holding eye contact with me and some girls close themselves off at record speed. Sometimes I think they're just lesbians. It's hard to work with because if I feel like I'm already being warm there's not much more I can do without chasing. I don't like being clean-shaven either so I'm going to do a solid trim and see how things change.

Very shy artsy bookworm girls do fantasize about being with the "jock", as the girl I lost my virginity to was, but looking back I noticed that a lot of what I did (despite being clueless haha) was work to be a lot more relatable to her softer interests and share some of my own.

As for awkward tall girls, they can mostly tell just by your vibe how you feel about it. When I dance tango, the only girls I seem to attract are much taller. It's strange, but if there's any lingering tension a well placed compliment on the dance-utility of her long legs seems to set everything as right and sweet as apple pie.

But like you said, it all ties into attainability. Too much stubble and I go over the edge, and the more insecure girls may need a compliment whereas with others there's no need because everything I need to communicate is already out there. With the right vibe it's clear that everything is genuine, especially when there's an obvious difference like height/race/w.e

I agree that with some girls you just can't win. I think another example of this is with girls who avoid opening up to you because they've got a boyfriend. Puts them in an awkward state of mind, most of the attached girls in my social circle won't even say hi.

If this is all you've got on this topic than I think that personally I'm in good shape. Gonna trim that woman-repellant and see if I can get back into stride :)

Thanks for the article. I didn't find any personal breakthroughs here, but attainability does seem like a never-ending problem so I hope others found it as interesting as I did.

- TR

David Riley's picture

Experimenting and Results


Hey TR,

I glad you were able to trouble shoot and your problem and find a possible variable for problems you're facing. The more you trouble shoot your game and tighten it up, the better results you'll have. Keep us posted on your progress.

Take care,

Just Dave

EliteNoob's picture

Mentality


I have a major problem with my mentality... I start reading your articles (they're fucking awesome), I start getting excited about applying the info...but then I start getting inside my head and I begin to think that I just dont have what it takes to get girls....that studying this is futile, and then I resign myself to a life of loneliness. But then I start reading and start getting excited once again. Nevertheless, how do I escape this malicious thinking? I want to succeed with this stuff but I need help with this first.

David Riley's picture

Article Links


Hey Elite,

I want to share some article links that you may find very helpful and insightful.

Girls Want
How to Get a Girl

Take care,

Just Dave

Chase Amante's picture

Practice

Author

EN-

Well... how much time are you putting into practice (going out, talking to women, etc.)?

You base your internal perception of how futile or not things are based on the results you get. If you do a lot of reading and never go out and put it into practice, for instance, it starts to feel futile, since no matter how much work you do on studying it, it never pays any dividends in you actually getting girls. But that's the same with anything - read every book in the world on lifting weights but never actually go to the gym, and you'll start feeling like you'll never build muscles. And at that rate, you'd actually be correct.

I'd recommend doing the exercises in the Beginner diagnostic book you get from the quiz here:

www.girlschase.com/quiz

Alternately, head to the Beginners section of the discussion boards, go to "New? Start Here", and hit the Newbie Assignment:

www.girlschase.com/boards

Only one way you convince yourself anything will actually work, and that's by applying what you've learned and actually making it work. Until then, you'll shift back and forth between endless imaginary scenarios, but you'll never be able to decide anything because your mind simply lacks the real world cause-and-effect reference points and past successes/failures to draw any real conclusions on.

In short: you need experiential data. Time to go collect some.

Chase

TORNADO's picture

Girls who like me putting me off for different reasons...


Hey Chase,

Great article as usual. Offlate I have been recovering from an injury, which has prevented me from going out and doing day/night game.

However, I did try other avenues like plenty of fish and meow chat which has been quite effective atleast in terms of getting to talk to random gals.

The problem is that couple of times its been the gals who approached me but then blew me off.

One of the girls told me I am too chatty. I guess this was because my opener was too big. Should openers be always brief? I have seen in some movies where they start with huge openers and end up bedding the girls. I guess that's because its movies, not real life. (Now this girl, I was interested in, unlike the two below). This was plenty of fish.

Coming to Meow chat, I have no idea what happened with the second girl. She used to ping me literally every hour, every day (She was a Brit lol). Suddenly, she seemed to have lost interest though she did agree that she would date a guy with my personality when I just asked to make things interesting, but didn't seem too excited. I guess the problem here is slow escalation, but I never wanted to escalate here in the first place, just wanted a girl to chat.

Now, back to real life, this is a problem I am having with one more girl who I want only as a friend. This has been a long time unlike the first two. She used to call me everyday and now suddenly I am the one who has to call her, but I do that anyways once every week to keep the friendship because we both have been there for each other through the roughest of times.

Why do all girls expect escalation? Is it that I did not make myself clear to them that I want them as a friend that led to this? Its funny (more than frustrating) that even girls who you want as friends end up giving you the cold shoulder. I know many gals who have a bestie in a guy (who already has a girlfriend) with whom they hang out more than they hangout with their boyfriend.

Since I want to evolve overall as a person, I am not only looking to sleep with gals but also make friends with few. I never had gals as friends in the past because I always looked at gals either as a sex object, girlfriend material or to marry. Would you agree with this approach of mine?

David Riley's picture

Life vs. Cinema


Hey Tornado,

The bad thing about movies is not everything you see can be applied to real life. This is especially true of romantic comedies. Yes, your openers should be very brief. One of the best openers I used during online dating was telling a girl, "Hey you seem nice, message me back if you're interested." It's an "If statement", a girl is only aloud to message me if she wants to get with me. This saves me time from girls who are only interested in wasting my time. It's really convenient. Another note, keep your messages short and concise. Avoid giving out details if she didn't ask for them.

The problem with girls is you have to have a purpose when you talk to them. If you're looking for friends let them know that. Depending on the conversation she may have wanted to date. However, she got bored because you didn't make a move. You knew your intentions but she didn't know your intentions. If truly want to be just a girl's friend tell them that openly. Then don't make a move on them. Girls have a hard time understanding guys just like guys have a hard time understanding girls. If you want girls as your friend treat them like a friend and show no romantic interest in them.

Take care,

Just Dave

Paul96's picture

Brilliant article. Out of


Brilliant article. Out of interest is it possible being too good looking can wreck attainability and you should ugly up. Also why is it girls still chase celebrities e.g. Justin Beiber if they almost no chance of attainability. Cheers

sneaky_charm's picture

Paul, Yes, if you are too


Paul,

Yes, if you are too attractive, that is a certain way to make a girl auto-reject you, who may think that she is not attractive enough for you.

As far as uglying up goes, I do not think that will work too well. That is because if you normally dress very well and you are attractive enough, chances are she will encounter that state of yours at least once.

The thing about chasing celebrities, in my opinion, is that they know it is unrealistic, which makes everything else irrelevant. Think about a guy liking Megan Fox or Scarlett Johansson. He knows that he cannot get her even in a million years, yet the thought of it is exciting! And since everyone else does that, he does not look dumb for doing that either.

About looks and attainability, read this comment from Chase, this should clear things up a bit:

http://www.girlschase.com/content/how-break-ice-5-surefire-ways-entice-h...

- Kevin

Troy's picture

Great Link


That's a good link that answered a question I was just about to ask. Thanks

Troy's picture

Back Road Sex


August 13, 2014 at 7:51pm

Hey Dave & Chase,

I'm writing this and I just lost my virginity. I am feeling a bit ashamed of myself because up was raped by a woman aka a prostitute.

This is what happened. I got a job in a pharmacy this Tuesday and it has been going great so far. It's the perfect summer job for me because I am getting the chance to socialize with a wide variety of people since I am assigned to talk to the customers and assist persons in getting over the counter drugs. And then yesterday (August 13) it was lunch time so I went out to do some day game. While walking, I saw a stunning girl and she was just the type I wanted to approach but I didn't. I just walked past her and pretended nothing happened. Then later on i approached another girl and I embarrassed myself.

Troy: Hey
Girl: Hi
Troy: ...............( the girl was standing there while I stammered.)

Then she walked away giving me weird stairs.

I felt so angry and embarrassed that by the end of the day, I decided to take a bus to a sex industry out of town. When I arrived, it was still early and the strippers didn't come out yet. I swear, purposely didn't get any condoms because I didn't want to lose my virginity to a prostitute/stripper. I had to get home before 9pm and all I planned on doing was going to see what the environment was like.

The area is a three kilometre stretch of small hotels that offer cheap rates. It's only $18 the most for a night of fun plus there are the go go clubs and the beach right behind a he road. The girls just began arriving and at that time I was just about to go home. I took a walk into a few of the hotels and clubs. Then right when I was going to hail a cab, I looked so my left to see a girl in a g string and bra only. I took off and made up an excuse to approach.

Troy: Hey do you know where a shop is nearby?

Stripper: What do you want?

Troy: A soda

Stripper: Ok that hotel to your left beside the street light, a shop as in there.

Troy: Ok thanks. ( While I looked at her using the advice Chase gave about how to check out a girl). Hey why are you dressed like that?

Stripper: Do you want service?

Troy: What?

Stripper: I do blowjob, pussy fuck, and anal. I'll suck off your duck clean clean clean and make you come in my mouth.

Troy: How much? ( honestly I wasn't thinking. I just wanted to get inside her pussy)

Stripper: $8.89

Troy: Ok but where will we go?

Stripper: Right over there. (pointing to a wall across the road surrounded by bushes.)

Troy: But I don't have social condom

Stripper: That's no problem, I've got everything.

Troy: No, I'll buy my own. Where is the shop?

( We started walking and she showed me the shop while waiting outside. I got the condom then came back and we went across the street.

While crossing the street, I started a dialog with her.

Troy: Hey what's your name?

Stripper: ( No answer)

Troy: Do you like have children?

Stripper: come on let's fuck

I paid her the $8.89 for a blowjob. She wiped off my dick with baby wipes and put the condom on my John. Then she sucked away giving me deep throat until I trembled. After three minutes of it, I requested pussy and she said

Stripper: Put something on it? (money)

Troy: Ok. ( I searched my bag pretending not to have more than a few cents. She got restless and just took I total $9.77

I fucked her doggy style in her pussy then requested anal. After about a minute of anal, she couldn't manage any more so she finished me off In her pussy. I about 30 seconds later and she could tell. I tried really hard to pound and not make it seem that I came. She immediately picked up the signal that I came, I lost rhythm and that was the end of the show.

She then threw the condom in the bushes and cleaned me up with another baby wipes. She stepped two feet away from me and held a puss while talking.

Stripper: If you want more then I'm ready to go again. Just pay me some more and we on again.

Troy: No thanks. I'm done.

Stripper: Ok thanks.

She walked away and I followed when she was a few feet from myself. I didn't want it to look like I hooked up with this girl.

I just crossed the street and kept distance to make it seem I had nothing to do with this girl. The road was empty atom pedestrians at this time of night, only busy traffic was about. But later on in the night, the road is full with girls waiting to be fucked for pay.

I got a taxi soon after that dropped off another stripper and drove past the girl I fucked. She looked at me with a horny look while I passed. I think I should have at least said thanks or goodbye . What do you think? What do I do if I see that girl in public again and she approaches me or something?

It was clean and I didn't get any disease but should I do it again probably to get experience fast? I the meantime, I continue approaching girls and doing day game until I can get get laid without paying? Do you think what I described was safe or stupid? What should I do overall now? I didn't plan for this to happen but I guess " staying far from a trap is the best way to keep safe."

I wanted to stay a virgin until I met " Miss Perfect". By the way, I felt a ait disgusted as if I used that girl, like I am some wild animal. I love people and did not intend to do such a thing. I was even thinking that I should go back out there another night, rent a room for the night and take her for breakfast in the morning. I grew up learning to be a gentleman and this feels so assholish to fuck a stripper on the street then walk away without even saying thanks. I also feel remorse that a lot of other men have been in there before. Ugh.

From all the paragraph above, should I take out a prostitute/ stripper to breakfast after fucking her? And other tips? How do I not feel guilty or judge this girl? How do I forgive myself for losing my virginity to a stripper?

I thought it would be fun but maybe she fucked so many men that her pussy was too loose for me. The blowjob felt like a feather duster that's wet passing over my cock. It was ok but not what I expected.

Thanks Much

Troy

Crypto currency trader's picture

Damn dude what were you


Damn dude what were you smoking when you wrote that?
What country does a chick do all that for that much (little) money. Screw baby wipes Id be dipping my cock in 200 proof ethanol on my way to a doctor after an experience like that.

Troy's picture

Dangerous Grounds


Also used should have said that I went there because in my country the majority of bars and clubs attract 95% men and I wanted to do a little club game. The only place 50 kilometers from where I am is the big town that has bars that attract a lot of women.

It's the only area that attracts a lot of people. Think of Bangkok, the town with lots of sex and big clubs. It's like that in where I went. The girls stand up all corners of the street in just bra and g strings and call out to passers by if they want to fuck.

Believe me that I had no idea it was like this until I went there. I just got out a cab and was walking to the club to do some game hoping I would have more success than I do in day game. At least until I got over some of my anxiety.

When I got out the cab and was walking towards the club, as I said, it was still earlyat night and much persons wweren't around yet. Though there were quite a few girls dressed in skimpy clothing and calling out to me. I was thirsty and asked one of them where the shop was. That's when she started telling me if the services she offers. I seriously just lost my guard. Here is a girl in a t shirt and short skirt starting to undress as I ask where the shop is. Before I could walk away, she had on only a red g string and bra. Beautiful sight and not only that she had a wing girl nearby and another man. That man stood there, the owner of the hotel with a gun. I said yes and off to go have sex we went, ( me and the girl). People kill if they know that you reject a girl when she offers pussy and yousay "no". That man would have shot and killed me if iI said no and walked away.

I seriously don't think I have the personality to fit with going to bar scene clubs. It's way too loud, too many women have S.T.D.. and the girls are 1000% polar opposite from what I want in a woman.

The girl I had sex with even requested that I use a condom she had, but that was afterwards when I "came on her" and she wanted more money to do part two, this time in a bedroom at one of the hotels.

Immediately after I said no and finally got away from that girl, I saw a taxi and quickly got in when a girl came out ( the driver later told me that she was a prostitute), and the driver said to me in plain words " these girls don't play, even if they are working, if they like you, they will gang you and fuck you without warning. I realized something was not right so that's why after what happened already, it was just best to get out of that part of town. If anyone thinks that was easy for me to write up here, they're wrong. This was a very bad experience and I was in danger so I went with the flow until I could escape.

What the driver told me was that the bars and clubs are just under cover names but when you go inside, prepare to get shagged without being asked if it's ok and then charged for what you didn't ask for. That means you might walk in a club and a girl pulls you in a corner and sucks your cock then asks that her bill's be paid or you buy her a drink.

By the way, the part I said about taking a girl like that out because I don't want to use her. FORGET THAT.

I can tell you that what I did was stupid and I'm embarrassed even though this is online and my identity is safe. I wish I hadn't gone out to do club game there. I didn't even think or plan to have sex, only to approach some hot girls in the club. I have heard of this part of town before that has a lot of hotels and clubs along with lots of sex but I didn't hear that women actually are that aggressive. They fight over men to make money. Competition is tough when there are over 300 half naked women standing around on a three kilometre stretch of road when there are only probably 10 male pedestrians the entire night. That's why the price is so low. And not to mention there are lots of other persons who come to the club's itself and another harem of girls in there wanting to make money.

And yes, the driver even told me that competition is so tough that a girl will suck your cock for $1 U.S.

I learnt a big lesson that I should just stay away from that kind environment plus at the end of the day, I would want nothing to do with girls like that. I want girls with a good education and standards. I can't even imagine myself kissing a girl that shags ten + men in one night every day of the 3 or more times a week.

Finally, I did wash off myself in lots of soap and I did a test for any disease and I am clean. Thank God. And I don't smoke nor do any kind of drugs. I was simply going out to do some night game and get some numbers. I had no idea this could or would happen.

Troy

Chase Amante's picture

First Lay Prostitute

Author

Troy-

Try not to worry too much about it. At least it's out of the way now, and in times to come you can tell people the story about how you lost your virginity when you got raped by a prostitute. If you spin it right, it'll be pretty funny (of course, if you don't, it'll just be kind of weird, so... don't test out a new version of the tale on a really pretty girl you're just getting to know first).

Don't take a prostitute to breakfast the next morning. It's a business deal for her, she's a pro, and she knows what she's doing. In fact, if she's really good, the more time you spend around her the more likely she is to start sinking her hooks into you with sob stories and tales of woe and how tragic her life was been, and before you know it you're one of the 6 or 7 guys she has sending her money so that she doesn't have to live life on the streets (even though she continues to do so, while telling you she's off them).

Might seem like a big deal now, but once you've got some time between you and this you're just going to shrug about it and consider it just another one of those zany things that happens from time to time.

Chase

Xander's picture

restoring lost attainability


Hey Chase,

Is it possible using attainability tech to restore attainability with some girls who already decided not to do anything with me? I am not in their friend zone.

Thanks again

David Riley's picture

Circumstance


Hey Xander,

In that situation I would vanish from her life for a time period of two weeks to a month. Come back and try gauge if she's still interested in you. If she doesn't seem interested let it go. If she seems interested, offer that the two of you should hang out and reconnect. If she goes for it escalate. That will be your best and make sure to apply what you learned from the article.

Take care,

Just Dave

Roman's picture

Thank you.


Hey Chase,

I thank you for this article because it perfectly answered my questions. I'm a good looking guy, I know how to talk and behave with girls but I just don't have any luck recently. I talked to some people about how I think that some girls might be afraid of being rejected by me in the future because I bring too many benefits on the table and I got ridiculed and laughed at because I came off as condescending and arrogant. In reality, I'm far from it. I guess I have low attainability, I'll work on it.

Thanks again and much respect,
Roman

David Riley's picture

Ears That won't Hear


Hey Roman,

Sorry to hear that your friends laughed at you. Unfortunately, depending on you communicate your problems to people who don't understand game, it will happen. Anyway, I'm glad to hear you're trouble shooting your game. Come back and update us with the results.

Take care,

Just Dave

Matt's picture

too young?


Hi Chase, i would like to say that my fundamentals are finally considered great and its safe to say that i have a strong presence for most women upon first impression. With that being said, i appproached this hot "10" with ricardus' "are you single" at the gym. she was giving me proximity on 2 occasions so i thought she was definitely interested. I could tell that she is super experienced based on how subtle her AIs were and her eye contact. Anyways, as i talk to her, her walls seemed to be down but she was signaling tjat she wanted to get back to her workout. i then asked her out for coffee but she said a soft no. i was unfazed by the rejection and continued to oersist and even ended with an "are you sure?" to her. she then said that im too young. keep in mind that im 20, but asian (slight baby face) and she said was 26 (latina girl). What is your opinion? as in do you think i should just chalk it up or possibly reopen her if i see her again at the gym. do you think she was just saying that so i could take the hint or does she legitly have an issue with the age differences. throughout the whole interaction i put out a sexy vibe and tried to communicate implicitly that i am indeed a lover.

David Riley's picture

Article Links


Hey Matt,

Check out this article link hear on dealing with older women. I am also attaching an article on gym pick up as well. I hope these articles help and good luck in the future.

Older Women
Gym Pickup

Take care,

Just Dave

Anonymous's picture

The World's stuoidest question.


What is wrong with asking a sexy woman in a nighclub 'can you dance with me'. Lets say it is the only thing you want why do I get rejected 100% of the time. How can I make it work?. I like the closness on the dance floor.

David Riley's picture

Compliance vs. Leading


Hey Anon,

Check out the following the articles on dealing with girls on the dance floor and having it go well.

Dance Floor Game
Turning Her on The Dance Floor
Dance Floor Seduction

Hope that helps,

Just Dave

Mark G's picture

Searching for articles


Chase,
you need to fix your site's search engine. You have without a doubt the most insightful and reliable site for dating advice, but there is no way to properly search for an article. I want you to try something. Search "deep dive". What articles show up? That isn't the only example. Practically every article you search for will be far down the result list. You seem to only have the search look for the article which has the most matches within the text. A title is the core method of identitying and categorizing practically all forms media. I don't even see any option to search by title under the advanced search settings. I often find myself searching on google in order to find articles within your site due to this fact. I understand you are a busy man, and this is the least of your woes, but having a well working search function is necessary to tie everything together for a professional and quality website.

Best wishes, Mark

David Riley's picture

Noted!


Hey Mark,

Thanks for sharing, I'll be sure to pass this along to Chase.

Thanks,

Just Dave

Chase Amante's picture

Search

Author

Mark-

Noted. I realize that's one we need fixed.

We have our developer working on another project right now, but once that's complete we're overhauling the GC site software and this is on the list as one of the things we'll be fixing.

Chase

Azazel's picture

Related situation


Hey Chase, brilliant article as always.

I'm in a bit of a situation with a girl I met at a friend's get together. We hit it off, I walked her to her place and kissed her on the same night. The following week we would text and throughout all our interactions she showed signs that she liked me. A week later, we had sex and I slept over at her place. After we had sex things got slightly different. She still texts me and flirts via text and giving me all sorts of attention, however whenever I propose we meet she always has an excuse. The first excuse was that she couldn't come over cause her room mate was going through something so she had to stay to pamper her. That I could understand. The second excuse was the one that got to me, she says she was too lazy to see me (during "baby making weather").

The vibe between us changed, so I'm not too sure if its a case of attainability or not, but some feedback on this issue would be appreciated....

Chase Amante's picture

Buyer's Remorse

Author

Azazel-

Sounds like buyer's remorse - pretty standard stuff in the case that the girl feels like she gave it up too easily or she wasn't sufficiently appreciated post-sex. Check out this article for more on it and troubleshooting:

How to Prevent Sex Regret from Women You Sleep With

At this point your best bet is probably just getting her on a phone call so she can connect with you in a more personal medium, vibing with her for a while, and letting her remember why she enjoyed being with you and talking to you in the first place. Then get her out after that.

Chase

jakd's picture

hey unrelated question here,


hey unrelated question here,
how can you tell when a women orgasms, yes I'm a virginn, working on it :p

Chase Amante's picture

Orgasm Signs

Author

Jak-

Depends on the strength of the orgasm and the individual woman. The clearest signs are the tightening up of her body (especially vagina / legs / lower body), followed by a loosening of these after and look and sense of happy calm washing over her. If she does this and starts laughing while you're thrusting in her, that's a clear sign she climaxed (and is now too sensitive and you rubbing against her ladybits is tickling her), though not all women do that.

A flood of feminine juices after a tightening session is also a good indication that she came (and gushed). Again, some women, but far from all, do this.

Women can also experience smaller orgasms, in which case you may not be able to tell absolutely that she came. You might think she did, and you might be correct, or you might not be.

Chase

African boyo's picture

How to control that inlove feeling


Hi chase/david riley

On the article "relationship expectations" chase mentioned having a well formed method for controlling the inlove feeling you get when youve found the girl of your dreams. Id like to ask what that method is

David Riley's picture

Article Link


Hey Boyo,

Check out this article here on the subject.
How not to fall in love too soon

Just Dave

African boyo's picture

unrealistic expectations


Hi chase/david riley

Alot of men(myself included) seem to have this unrealistic view of relatiionships perpetuated by the media(ie disney movies) of finding true love and settling down with one woman forever. My question is what is chases view of relationships and how does one go about attaining a view of relationships that is not corrupted by modern media when youre not yet that prolific with girls. Basically im looking for a guide to get ovet women when youre not yet that prolific with women and "fucking the pain away" is not a viable solution/option

David Riley's picture

Article Link


Hey Boyo,

Chase has written numerous posts on relationships, I would highly suggest checking under relationship 101 for articles by Chase himself. There is one article on Long Term Relationship that I want to share though. This article addresses your concerns in your comment.

Long Term Relationships

Just Dave

Chase Amante's picture

Not Getting Hung Up on a Girl

Author

Boyo-

You've probably seen these already, but for getting over women, I'd recommend:

... as well as Ricardus's article on not falling in love too soon, which Dave linked you in response to your previous comment.

I think my most detailed post on my views of relationships is this one:

It's mostly what you're focusing on. If you're letting your mind wander and keep coming back again and again to some girl, that's what you will fixate on. If you're focused on other things (lots more girls you're talking to; some big project you're working on; several skills you're gunning hard to develop), you will fixate on those instead.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

different kind of approach for increasing attractiveness


Hey Chase/David,

On the subject of attainability, I know that some guys that go overboard can definitely run into the issues you covered here. Another great post. But I have something I want to bounce off of you as a different way from the general advice for increasing attractiveness.

So normally what is preached here is moving fast with women and kicking aside the ones that aren't interested (not getting hung up), because girls can be attention whores that like to keep guys in their orbit in order to increase their own social attractiveness and have a plethora of men as potential options or, worse yet, to use as emotional outlet with no chance of hooking up. However, is it possible for men to use women in the same manner? With attention whoring girls that you clearly aren't going to get anywhere with, can it be useful to keep them around in order to make yourself a more valuable commodity in the eyes of potential partners? With the prevalence of social media today, having other women seeing you charming other women could be an effective way of turning the tables and making the crappiest situation with women a potentially positive one. Wondering what you think of this. An effective way to use a relationship that's going nowhere to your advantage? Or a useless waste of time? Plus I have to imagine that the girls that were previously labeled as attention whoring might even change their mind if the later on see you not chasing them but attracting other women.

Thanks,
anon

David Riley's picture

Article Links and Advice


Hey Anon,

Essentially what you are describing is preselection and yes it can be very useful. I've had it work wonders for me in the past. As long as you are being presented as a strong male and not a weak male it will work well. I'm attaching two articles one on preselection and the other on wing women.

Preselection
Wing Women

Take care,

Just Dave

Anonymous's picture

A comment


Hello Chase!

I love this, the concept of attainability and auto-rejection. Traditional pickup has brainwashed us to believe that everything is attraction, period. It's bullshit and the most valid evidence for is this:

1. You meet a woman and she is so hot for you than she wants to have sex right then and there. She is craving for you. However, you don't have time and tell her you can have more time for her next time. However, there is no next time.

2. You meet a woman on a place where sex is possible. You are not so attracted to her and it is clear that neither she is much attracted to you. However you say to yourself - ok, it's now or never - and start escalating anyway. You have sex within ten minutes and it can be so hot that your sexual encounters will continue in the future.

The pain of auto-rejection is that you lose the woman in the right meaning of the word. If she doesn't want you, you cannot lose her because you never had her. But here, you did everything right and still, you lose her. Problems with auto-rejection appear when you get better with women. Many women don't give clear attraction signals. I guess that this counts even more for attractive women who are used to ass-kissers, but not used to be kicked off by attraction to a real man (like a guy reading this website). It's really strange that a woman is boiling with lust inside, but looks indifferent from outside. I lost many women this way, they just didn't seem interested at all, maybe except a quite lame sign of interest. Or it was ok, but they expected a faster escalation than I provided.

A sad story is that women themselves are not genuine. They play an ambivalent game, so that they could always say they were not interested. You never meet a woman who would tell you genuinely "hey, I want you here and now, not wait for a next time" or "I know I seem uninterested, but please kiss me" or "if I decline to go with you, pull me by the hand anyway". Women lay all burden on you and to auto-reject you is their universal tool to deal with any problems (even those on her own side).

As men don't have enough feedback, they don't realize their attractivity level. They tell you - I'm losing women because I'm not yet attractive enough. However the truth might be that a fourth of those lost women were absolutely attracted to him and frustrated that they cannot get him.

The best way to operate is to assume attraction, react on signs of attraction or escalation windows and generally move fast. Men are afraid they would lose women because of blah blah blah. It's not true. If you do it right, you will get women faster, lose less women that you lost before and as a bonus, you lose them faster, so you have more time for the ones you can get.

Cheers, Tom

David Riley's picture

Right Track


Hey Tom,

You are ultimately on the right track to assume attraction with women. Women take the passive role in seduction and aspect men to know what they're doing. The older I got the more I noticed women expect my executions to be perfect. Sure it's pressure, but it all comes with experience. I actually prefer being the aggressor because otherwise I would be hopelessly waiting for some girl to come along. Women make more sense the more you interact with them. The more a guy tries new things to figure things out, the easier his life becomes. Screening women out is the number one tool of finding genuine women out. Anyway sounds like you figured out a lot of things.

Take care,

Just Dave

Aron's picture

Romantic chasing?


Hey chase,great article. I've been reading this site for about a year and a half, and I'd love to see an article on chasing romantically. Could you put in the queue?
Best wishes, Aron

David Riley's picture

Article Links


Hey Aron,

Check out the following the articles.

Social Value
Be Cool
Guy Talk

Hope that helps,

Just Dave

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