How to Kiss a Girl Like No One's Ever Kissed Her Before

how to kiss a girlWe don't talk much on here about how to kiss a girl, typically because we're more focused on helping you to get girls in bed - why spend much time on the appetizer when you can skip right to the main event?

But even if you're working to turn yourself into the kind of irresistible man a woman simply can't say "no" too, it's still worth putting some time into bringing up your kissing technique. Why? Because it's one of those small edges that fold into the big picture that is you, and the impression you make on girls.

In other words, being a talented kisser makes you better able to achieve the kind of results you really want with women: namely, hot, steamy liaisons with beautiful girls you really dig.

Even if you simply run through a seduction quickly with a woman, and then plant a mind-blowing kiss on her, it still helps:

  • It helps remove any last minute resistance you might run into prior to intimacy,

  • It helps her switch off her logical mind and be there in the moment,

  • And it helps her realize that yes, you are exactly the kind of charming, seductive, sexy man she's always dreamed of meeting.

So on those notes, I want to address the reader from Slovenia who commented the following over on the article on how to get a phone number:

I've read around 95% of your articles and let's say trained myself to an intermediate level... or something more than a pure begginer lets say.
Tnx to you again ;)

Still I have problems when it comes to Physical Escalation... but not problems with getting laid. I have serious problems with the transition from conversation to kissing. Once the kissing is on I have very few problems with bed magic.

I have actually never read any insight that would break down how to get closer and closer, when/how to start putting my arm around or something, hug her, kiss her on her cheeks or I don't fkin know... My question would sound like this:

HOW to get to kissing part if you do everything wright?

I have serious problems with this transition. And I angry even more because I know I would have gotten laid so many times If I had only mastered this part... And I will sooner or latter.

And he's right. That's a tough transition, from conversation to kissing and being physical together, and for a lot of guys it can be one of the most challenging things to learn. Transitions in general are pretty tough stuff, and you'll find that most of your obstacles as you improve with women and dating come when you find yourself struggling to transition from one phase of an interaction to the next.

So let me give you an article on how to kiss a girl that'll help you navigate this transition a lot more smoothly... a lot more naturally... and as a bonus, teach you exactly how to lay one on her that she'll remember for a long, long time.

how to kiss a girl

So there you are, with this gorgeous, womanly, amazing girl.

You've had some great conversations. You've got a great vibe going on. And there's something in the air... you can tell she's every bit as interested in you and excited for something to happen as you are.

She wants it too.

But... how do you do it? How do you kiss her and make it perfect... not weird, awkward, or unnatural?

how to kiss a girl

Truth be told, you're going to have to work at it a little bit. Kissing doesn't "just happen," no matter how much women might like to think it does.

Rather, you make it happen.

Because somebody's got to be in charge - and because that somebody is almost never going to be the girl - you're going to have to step up to the plate. While she gets to sit there and enjoy the experience, it's you who needs to create that experience for you.

And know that she is judging you on your performance. Do a great job, and she'll be in love the moment your lips touch hers. Muddle it up, and she may well be out the door in a heartbeat. Because those are the roles of men and women in kissing - the woman gets the thrill of the moment and gets to play the role of critic, and the man is the one who's hard at work and putting himself up there to be critiqued and judged.

Don't like the hand you're dealt on that one? Realize that you're judging and critiquing women on your own all the time, too - for instance, by selecting which girl you'll approach in the first place. There might be a girl right now whose heart throbs at the mere thought of you... but you've judged her not attractive enough, or not cool enough, or maybe you haven't even noticed her because she isn't your type at all, and she'll never get a chance to be with you.

So don't worry too much about it. Them's the shakes. Reality is, men perform, women judge. There's some freedom in that though, because you get to improve your performance and use that to get more and more desirable women, while women remain largely in the passive role of simply judging what men come their way, and trying (often in vain) to attract those men through indirect, passive means like making themselves look more attractive and trying harder to catch the attention of the men they want.

Back to kissing.

You essentially have two important things to worry about when it comes to how to kiss a girl:

  1. The transition to kissing

  2. The kiss itself

... and getting them both right is pretty important.

But believe it or not, it's the transition itself that is the hardest part.

how to kiss a girl

When it comes to transitioning to a kiss (and especially a first kiss), whether you pull this off smoothly or not makes a HUGE amount of difference in how likely you are to actually get that kiss.

We have a couple of other articles on the site here about kissing - there's "How to Kiss Her," one of the short early articles posted on the site, nevertheless with plenty of useful tips and techniques, there's "Manhandle Kisses," covering a very specific kissing technique, and there's "Can't-Miss Tips for Getting the First Kiss with a Girl," Ricardus's article with techniques broken down by beginner, intermediate, and advanced, and including some information on handling a kiss rejection.

I might touch on a few things here and there, but by and large I'll let those articles stand for themselves, and I won't review most of what they've already covered. So check them out, if you want more on kissing after reading this post.

Before we get to some actual technique on how to kiss a girl right - e.g., lips, mouth, tongue, hands, that sort of thing - I want to go over the transition to a kiss with you... because you won't GET to practice your kissing technique if you can't pull off a proper transition!

We'll start with a look at the three main types of transitions to kissing:

  1. The Romantic Transition
  2. The Spontaneous Transition
  3. The Sexual Transition

I'll also briefly go over manhandle kisses again and how best to use them.

The Romantic Kiss Transition

This one's the one you see in the movies when guitar music is playing, and some singer is slowly crooning in the background, and the man and woman stare into each other's eye for what seems like forever while the audience shouts, "Kiss her already!"

You'll use a romantic transition to kissing following a long, protracted build-up with a girl toward that magic moment. This is the one you'll use with that girl you've been courting for a long time, or the girl you fell in love with in third grade but only now have the dating skills to get.

how to kiss a girl

I'll be frank - the romantic kiss is my least favorite kiss out of any mode of kiss transition you can make.

Why is it my least favorite kiss transition?

Simple: it sets the tone for what follows as romantic, which means boyfriend-girlfriend... which means she's going to fight you like crazy before you're able to bed her, more often than not.

And she'll expect you to fulfill every aspect of the traditional boyfriend role thereafter, and protest wildly if you don't do so perfectly.

In effect, the romantic transition sets the wrong expectations for things going forward... unless you like the girl calling the shots over you, that is.

That said, it's also probably the easiest transition for most newer guys to make (which is also why it sets the tone for the woman determining how things go from here on out... the male's essentially signaling a lack of experience, a certain degree of placing her on a pedestal, and that he doesn't have enough options with other women to be less romantic), so let's go over how to kiss a girl this way anyway.

Here are the main components to making a romantic transition:

  1. Proximity. You've got to have close proximity to a girl for a romantic transition. If you have to walk across the room to kiss her, or lean halfway across your body, it will feel too "thought through" and not "natural" enough to her, and she won't want to kiss you.

    How do you get proximity? By planning for it. When I was starting out (and still doing the romantic transition... *shiver*), I used to stack stuff up on the loveseat in my apartment so that there was only just enough room on the couch for two people to sit, and we'd be practically on top of one another. An early mentor recommended to me to place a couple of boxes on the couch and throw some dirty laundry on top, because no one's going to touch dirty laundry to move it, and you're set. Worked like a charm.

    Other ways of getting proximity:

    • Get close to her at the movies... ideally from the start - sit down and put your arm around her at the outset, so you aren't trying to awkwardly put it around her later on. If you forget, wait for a "scary" moment in the movie to wrap your arm around her and comfort her.

    • Take her somewhere inspiring and secluded. Like a pier at night, or an overlook on a small mountain, or even a walk through a deserted park. As you talk, get close, and stop somewhere with your arm around her and take in the scene.

    • Lay down on your bed together. Get her to lay down on your bed next to you as the two of you look at pictures or you read her a passage out of a book (heck, if you're going to go romantic, you might as well go all out and have a book of poetry laying somewhere near your bed).

    And what do you do if she sits too far away? That one's easy - you tell her to come sit closer to you. "Don't sit all the way over there, what are saving a space for your friend to come join us or something? Come here." This is effective every single time. If you're not sure the right voice tone to use, listen to the example in the post on how to command women.

    How close should you be before you kiss her? Close enough that you can lean forward and have your forehead touch hers. If you aren't that close, find an excuse to get closer (or, better still, bring her closer to you).

  2. Silence. You need to let the conversation between you and her... just.... fall..... off.

    Like as if you're in the midst of speech and suddenly fall asleep, or into a trance. Let it trail off into nothing, and all the while maintain...

  3. Romantic eye contact. In other words, that dreamy look as you stare into her eyes. If you're not sure how to do this, start by using triangle gazing - that is, looking from her eyes, to her mouth, to her eyes, to her mouth. Make sure you do this slowly... if you do it fast it'll just seem bizarre.

    When a girl wants to kiss you, you'll notice she does this naturally much of the time - she's thinking about your lips, so unconscious she starts gazing at your lips (then back at your eyes again). When you do it yourself, you signal to her subconscious that you're preparing to kiss her - and if she likes you, she'll get excited, and she'll get ready.

  4. Lean in slowly, and close your eyes gradually as you do. As you lean in to kiss her, you should be doing it slowly but methodically (and confidently, for the love of God! Hesitant kissers need not apply), and you should be gradually closing your eyes as you go - so that they'll be completely shut just as you reach her lips.

You also need a certain degree of incidental touch, and a little bit of tension, both of which we discuss down with the sexual kiss transition in greater detail, though you don't need as much of these as you need for that kiss - you just need enough that girls are comfortable with touching you and excited about kissing you.

If you execute correctly on these four steps, you'll be able to pull off the romantic transition to kissing smoothly and well... and if you did a good job prepping her for the kiss (e.g., attracting her and making her want you), she'll be more than happy to kiss you back.

The Spontaneous Kiss Transition

how to kiss a girlAh, now we're talking my language - the spontaneous transition.

Personally, I like this one more than either of the other two - the romantic kiss or the sexual kiss. Reason being, it doesn't depend nearly as much on her emotional state.

If you've been at this for a while, you've doubtless seen the difficult-to-control ebb and flow of other people's emotions - particularly those of the women you've sought after. One minute she seems like she's burning with desire for you... and the next minute she's emotionally a dead fish.

You'll go crazy trying to control that. I know I did... I spent years trying to learn how. Trying to learn how to transition a woman in a peak emotional state along the way from where we met to somewhere alone to getting together as lovers... and I lost one girl after another after another.

You know what I learned? If you depend on her emotional state to get together with her, you introduce a ton of unpredictability into your seductions.

But how can you possibly kiss a woman without her being in a heightened emotional state?

Glad you asked. The way you do it, my friend, is by peaking her emotional state right before you kiss her - with a spontaneous transition.

The spontaneous transition grossly violates all the rules of the romantic kiss transition (which we just covered) and the sexual kiss transition (which we'll cover after this one). That is:

  • You don't need proximity
  • You don't need silence
  • You don't need touch
  • You don't need tension
  • You don't need eye contact of any sort
  • You don't need to lean in gradually or close your eyes

This is why I love it... I don't like rules (although you might think otherwise from the boat loads of information I inundate you with on the blog and the book and the videos - but all that information is really about training up your subconscious so you can operate without having to mind many rules).

The spontaneous kiss is flexible... but you've got to be pretty ballsy to pull it off. That's the hitch.

That means that you'll probably still be relying on the romantic kiss transition and the sexual kiss transition before you're able to start employing spontaneous with any regularity. You've got to know women want you, or not care if they don't, before you can do this right.

To get a picture in your head of how to kiss a girl with a spontaneous transition, imagine one of those movie moments where the woman is freaking out emotionally, upset or angry or whatever, and suddenly the guy just kisses her.

Or, imagine a woman standing on a bridge, talking to a guy, when out of nowhere he turns to her and kisses her.

Or, think of a woman positioned at a bar, and a guy walks up to her, smiles at her, takes her hand, and draws her into himself and kisses her, without ever saying "hello" or introducing himself.

That's what a spontaneous transition looks like, and it's strong stuff.

What do you need to do it? Chiefly these components:

  1. Unwavering confidence and certainty. To pull off the spontaneous kiss correctly, you require rock-solid confidence and incredible self-assuredness, which is why this is the toughest one for most newer guys to pull off. You've essentially got to be completely sure it will work - and when you are, it usually does.

    But what happens if you aren't completely sure? I went through plenty of unsure spontaneous transitions to kissing when I was still figuring this one out for myself, and I'll tell you what happens when you're not confident about it: the girl feels really awkward and uncomfortable and then she leaves.

    You have to go through that to learn this transition, but you'll probably want to avoid the spontaneous kiss with any girl who's über important to you until you've got it down cold.

  2. Calmness right up to the kiss. A big part of the impact of the spontaneous kiss is that the girl often doesn't know it's coming. You suddenly grab her, and kiss her. If you're acting nervous or excited, your cover's blown, and you can't use a spontaneous transition - you'll have to change plans to use romantic or sexual.

    Why's an emotional giveaway spoil the spontaneous kiss transition? Mostly because if a girl can tell you've got heightened emotions, she's going to be startled and freaked out by anything sudden. It's a defensive reaction. This is why both the romantic and sexual kisses are slow and gradual - so as not to startle a girl who's emotionally piqued and who feels like you are too.

  3. Calmness after the kiss. You can come off a spontaneous kiss with steaming sexuality - if you look at how Harrison Ford kisses women in movies, it's almost always a spontaneous kiss followed by some sort of growling sexuality - but it needs to be controlled. If she isn't a girl you have buckets of passion for at this point yet though, it's better if you're simply completely calm and natural and can go right back into whatever conversation you were having before.

If you read the article linked to earlier on manhandle kisses, you'll realize that they fit the bill for a lot of what makes up a spontaneous kiss transition. Most of the time you employ a manhandle kiss technique it'll be when you're doing a spontaneous transition.

Use the spontaneous kiss transition when you want to keep her guessing, when you don't want to set expectations right from the start, and if you must kiss her in public before sleeping with her but don't want to pique her emotions only to have them crash sometime when you're in the process of taking her home with you.

The Sexual Kiss Transition

how to kiss a girlThis one's a lot of fun, but the situations it's used in by most men actually make them less likely to bed the girls they like.

For that reason, I recommend that while you're learning how to kiss a girl you avoid this one except in the scenario where you're learning how far you can push your limits and test your ability to ramp up women's emotions quickly in party, bar, or nightclub settings, or if you're alone with a girl and have the time and want to take the time to slowly ramp up her excitement.

Exception to the exception: if you're at a party where you have access to a seduction location - a bedroom, an unused bathroom, or even a broom closet (as a friend of mine is known to resort to using at times), or if you're in a nightclub where there are unwatched bathrooms (no security that's going to kick you out of them), you can use a sexual transition to kissing to escalate things quickly and go for an on-the-spot seduction. These are some of the few scenarios in which a sexual transition has real world usefulness.

So what is a sexual kiss transition?

The sexual kiss transition occurs when you've ramped up physical escalation, primarily with incidental touch, to the point where a girl is so turned on that she's absolutely dying for something to happen between the two of you... and then you give it to her (in the form of a kiss).

You'll most often run into this situation with a girl being tremendously turned on in bars, nightclubs, and parties, which is what limits the usefulness of the sexual transition - if you escalate to kissing with a girl in public, you vastly reduce the odds that she goes home with you that night, or ever again.

Said otherwise, using the sexual kiss transition in public, except where noted above, is usually going to make you less likely to get together with a girl... not more.

But how about back at your place or hers?

I've had a few friends who were experts at getting a sexual kiss transition to occur when they were alone with girls. These friends would get girls physically close to them, begin physical escalation with their girls, and then transition to the kiss.

Usually though, this is impractical, because until you're good at sexual escalation, it can be a pretty slow process, especially if you haven't laid the proper groundwork earlier in your interaction with her. There's also a "jarring" effect of transitioning a girl back to your place, in which many of the emotions from earlier have been severed and you've got to recreate them. This is hardest with sexual transitions, because they're so reliant on strong degrees of emotion, which take time to build.

For most guys, the sexual transition to kissing will be harder to do than the romantic transition, and its usefulness is lower than the spontaneous transition. It's right in the middle, but not in a good way... it doesn't really have any strengths.

Well, except one perhaps: of all of the three transitions, the sexual transition is the most fun.

What's fun about it? Because of the way it works, you tease a girl, excite her, arouse her, and stimulate her until she is so desperate to have you that by the time you finally kiss her, it's fireworks.

For that reason alone, you might still want to learn this one. On the plus side, it sets better expectations than the romantic kiss transition, and it's easier to pull off than the spontaneous kiss transition. It also has the added benefit of training you in solid physical escalation technique while you're learning it, which you won't necessarily need once you get advanced enough with women, but is one of those things that helps tremendously while you're learning and is good to know in a pinch once you're established.

Here's how the sexual kiss transition works:

  1. Proximity. Lots of proximity. The sexual transition to the kiss is similar to the romantic transition in that you've got to be close to the girl. But while you want to be close to the girl for a romantic kiss, you've got to almost be on top of her for a sexual one.

    A major part of what makes the sexual kiss work is that there is a build-up of sexual tension and desire while she becomes more and more excited at the prospect of touching you more, sleeping with you, and yes, kissing you. You create that build up via lots of very close physical proximity. You also create it through...

  2. Strong incidental touch building up into other forms of touch. Discussed briefly in the excerpt from the eBook (and far more in-depth in the book) on touching women, incidental touch is, in a nutshell, touching women incidentally throughout the course of your interactions with them.

    The reason this is important is because you need to be continually getting more and more physical contact to trigger her sexual emotions and desires. That's what physical contact from a man she's attracted to does - it primes her for mating. It readies her for courtship processes like kissing and sex. Through touch, you effectively prime women to receive your sexual kiss transition.

  3. Sexual tension. You create sexual tension through the two bullets above - proximity and incidental touch - and also through having a strong sexy vibe, great presence, and use of sexual frames and chase frames.

    Sexual tension is the build up of the desire to do something with you - she's becoming more and more and more attracted - without her knowing for sure if you will do something with her. You need to be careful you don't lead her to suspect you won't do anything with her while you build it up - lest you put her into auto-rejection - but if you use it right, you can build a lot of desire for your kiss and have some of the most passionate kisses of your life with it.

Like the spontaneous kiss, you can use manhandle kisses with a sexual transition and have it be pretty natural too. But unlike the spontaneous kiss, because there's a high degree of emotion, you've got the potential for having things not be so good if the kiss goes awry - if, say, you grab her to kiss you, then she strongly pushes you away.

So, I usually only recommend manhandle kisses for guys who are already pretty advanced - and with the sexual transition, that much more so. Before you use a manhandle kiss and a sexual transition in concert together - and they're a very powerful one-two punch when you execute them properly - I really, really recommend you get good with each skill separately, first (e.g., practice the sexual transition without manhandle kisses, and practices manhandle kisses without the sexual transition, with, say, a spontaneous transition instead).

And, a disclaimer on the sexual transition: this kiss transition, more than any other, defuses sexual tension if it doesn't lead immediately to the two of you becoming lovers. That's because sexual tension is predicated on excitement and uncertainty, and:

  • A romantic kiss leaves a girl feeling excited about her future relationship and wanting more with the man

  • A spontaneous kiss leaves a girl feeling excited but confused and still uncertain what the man's intentions are - he isn't behaving at all like how most men behave after they kiss her... what's going to happen with this intriguing, mysterious man?

  • A sexual kiss gives the woman certainty on the one thing she was interested in this man about - whether he has sexual intentions towards her, too. And the instant she knows that... most of her interest and excitement drains away, and she's in command. She calls the shots. And when the woman is calling the shots, she puts the brakes on (for a variety of reasons, not the least of which are preserving her reputation, preserving her self-image, and rotating the man down into a provider candidacy rather than a lover candidacy - see "What Women Want" for more on that dichotomy).

It's possible to use a sexual kiss transition in public, away from a seduction location, and still manage to keep a girl around long enough to get her alone somewhere with you and make something happen. But you must be calm and you must lead strongly, and you have to make something happen as soon as possible.

Want to take her phone number and call her to come over later? It's not going to happen, 98.2% of the time. When you make yourself into the exciting, scintillating lover persona, then begin the mating process (that's what a sexual kiss is; it's the commencement of mating), then proceed to fail to deliver on the impending sexual release and gratification that the sexual kiss promises, you get written off instantly.

If you want to use the sexual transition to kissing right, wait until you're alone somewhere with a girl to use it, or until you've got your logistics set to get somewhere alone with her very fast. Don't pull a bait-and-switch on some poor girl - don't start physical intimacy, then stop mid-process and not deliver in full.

how to kiss a girl

how to kiss a girlSo now you've got your transitions down. You realize that a kiss isn't an isolated incident, but something that's built up to, and that the build-up is arguably THE most important part.

Watch a great movie ending after sitting through the whole movie, and you're blown away. Turn the movie on and skip right to the ending and you're... unmoved.

That's a kiss. It's the great ending to a great movie, but if you skip the great movie and go right to the kiss, it loses most of its thrust.

You've got to build things up properly first.

For a romantic kiss transition, this is through a great date. Same with a spontaneous kiss transition. For a sexual kiss transition, this is through a ramping up of sexual tension and desire. Regardless which path you choose, you need to build things up to the point where she really, really wants to kiss you before you kiss her... if you want to give her a kiss she'll remember for a lifetime, that is.

A kiss she'll remember when the two of you are fifty years old with three kids, or that she'll still remember when she's fifty years old and married to some other guy, but still thinks often of you. That's the kind of kiss you can give her with great build-up and a great transition.

The actual mechanics of a kiss play a far smaller role.

But they're still worth knowing anyway, if only to improve your confidence that once you actually get there, you know how to kiss a girl the first time (or any time) and do a fantastic job.

How to Kiss a Girl... and Be AMAZING

You know the old saying:

Only fools rush in.

Well, this goes for kissing as much as anything else (even for the spontaneous kiss... I'll discuss how just below).

A rushed kiss is a bad kiss, plain and simple. Picture a guy in a movie who's got to go save the world, who grabs a girl and kisses her really fast, then rushes off to go fight monsters or aliens or Nazis or zombies or whatever it is. Is that ever an incredible kiss?

No, it's not. It's a rushed kiss... and it's nice, but it's emotionless... and it sucks, as far as kisses go.

And that's no way to kiss a girl.

That in mind, let's plunge into our bullets on being great at kissing women:

  1. Build some anticipation. She really ought to be trembling by the time your lips touch hers. Lean in... get your mouth very, very close to hers... then stop, just for a split second. Let your breath touch her lips. If she leans forward and tries to kiss you, pull back a little bit so that your lips stay just out of range of hers. You can tease her this way for half a second, or for three seconds, or even longer if you're a big tease.

    Why's this work? Because women are most attracted to experienced men (see the article on preselection) who know how to lead women.

  2. Begin lightly. Most men plunge inelegantly into a kiss, diving into women's lips and sometimes even into their mouths, tongue-first. This lack of control and of teasing is not good form, and it's not a good kiss for a girl. It can even be sloppy, messy, and downright annoying.

    Instead, begin by very lightly kissing her lips. You can think of this as "nibbling" on her lips. Kiss one of her lips at a time... don't try and suck her entire mouth into yours as so many inexperienced kissers are wont to do. Lightly kiss her upper lip... then lightly kiss her lower lip.

    At that point, she may be trying to suck your mouth in... but don't let her.

    Not yet.

  3. Wait for her to be almost desperate to kiss you more passionately. You can't always get this one... if you didn't build up emotions properly, or if you're doing a spontaneous manhandle kiss, for instance, she might not always have a strong desire to kiss you passionately - and some girls just aren't passionate kissers, plain and simple. Some girls don't even like kissing all that much. But with the ones who like it, and the ones who are excited and passionate, wait for them to reach a fevered pitch before you really dive in.

    You'll know you've reached that point when she begins kissing you faster and deeper, grabbing you with her hands, and moaning a bit. The moment that starts happening, she's reached a threshold where she can no longer contain her desire for you... and it's time for you to turn the dial up on the heat.

  4. Now, dive in. Once she's properly bursting at the seams - or, if she isn't passionate or hasn't been emotionally primed, then once you've spent about 2 or 3 seconds kissing her lightly - now you can open your mouth widely and really start making out. I know, you wanted to do it immediately on kissing her... but trust me, she'll be blown away at how good a kisser you are by drawing it out just those extra couple of seconds and creating an experience for you.

    How exactly do you "dive in?" You do it by kissing her with your mouth open very widely, opening and partially closing it as you kiss her open-mouth. This is easiest to do with your head tilted at an angle compared to hers - she should do this with you naturally.

    You want to be passionate here. This is important. A passionate kiss is a great kiss, and if you're not naturally a passionate person, it's okay, you can learn. I'm naturally a very dispassionate person (except when I'm angry...), but I've had plenty of women tell me I'm very passionate because I trained myself up to be. At first it was a bit odd and forced for me, but these days I don't even have to think, "Be passionate;" it's all down pat and automatic at this point. You can make it that way too if you make yourself act passionately (essentially, doing things harder, deeper, and closer).

    If you're naturally passionate, of course, you get a mostly free pass here... but do ask yourself if it's possible you could be more passionate.

  5. Vary where and how you kiss her. Now that you're free to kiss her open-mouth, you should just do that the whole time... right?

    Wrong. That's boring! No girl can stay excited by a guy who just keeps kissing her the same way for minutes on end!

    Instead, you want to vary things up, between kissing her open-mouth, kissing her lips, and lightly biting her lips. When you kiss her lips, you won't be doing the same light kissing as you did when you first started kissing her - now you want to kiss her lips deeply and passionately.

    Mix up your kissing, kiss her different ways for different lengths of time (measured in seconds, not minutes) - don't move too erratically from one kiss to the next, but don't spend so long doing one kiss that the seasons start changing outside, either. You can also change the tilt of your head - this is a very passionate move. Your head might be tilted to your right, and hers to her right, and then you'll tilt your head to your left and move her head to tilt to her left.

    You can change your head tilt multiple times, within even 5 or 6 seconds of each - e.g., start light kissing... 3 seconds later, start passionate kissing... 5 seconds later, change the tilt of your head... 6 seconds later, change it again. After this, you'll want to pause for a little while... don't keep changing the tilt, she'll think you've got some massive tic going on! But a little bit of this can be very exciting.

  6. Should you ever French kiss? I'm of the mind that a French (tongue) kiss is an inelegant kiss, and it defuses a lot of passion and removes much intrigue. I think you want to break the "tongue barrier" at some point early (but not too early) into a kiss, just so that she doesn't think you're afraid of French kissing or don't know how, and also so she doesn't think you're a stick-in-the mud she has to control herself around if she really likes tongue kissing, but after that you mostly want to leave it alone.

    If she wants to do it, fine, but you'll find what she'll enjoy even more than you rubbing your tongue back against hers is if, once her tongue darts into your mouth, you kiss her tongue (with your mouth and lips) instead. Not many men (no men?) will ever have done this to her before, and it's quite exciting and different.

  7. Stop at some point... then go back in. At some point early into kissing her, I strongly recommend you to stop, pull back a bit, and stare directly into her eyes with a small smile on her face. You can compliment her - "You're a good kisser" - or not, it's not very important - whatever makes you feel more comfortable. But the important thing is that you do it.

    Why's this important? Basically, it's good for two reasons:

    • It lets her feel you're very in control (which is very attractive to her)

    • And it prevents her from doing it first (which some women will do to try and seize control over things from you if they want to slow things down or position you more in a boyfriend role or a "some guy who's trying to get me" role, rather than the lover role or the "some guy she can't keep her hands off" role that you want established)

    Stopping briefly and then resuming is a strong move that ups attraction and unwinds the desire that most stronger women have to seize control of things and direct them the way they want them to go. Essentially, you show a girl that you know how to direct things, and will take them in the most compelling, exciting, fulfilling direction there is.

... and that's it. If you do all those things, and put together a great experience throughout the course of your interaction with a girl, and follow that up and precede your kiss with a flawless transition, you'll give her a kiss that will curl her toes.

Kissing a Girl: Recap

how to kiss a girlThat was a ton of information, and this is an over 7,000-word post. That's 1/10 of a nonfiction book you just read.

So let's do a recap before your head explodes. You'll see that it's not as complicated as maybe it feels right now, because we went into a lot of detail and explanation. Let's pull you back out of it into the big picture now, so you'll understand how to kiss a girl without having to pull a print-out of this article up from your pocket mid-seduction and hope she doesn't notice.

In essence, there are three transitions:

  1. The Romantic Kiss Transition
  2. The Spontaneous Kiss Transition
  3. The Sexual Kiss Transition

The romantic kiss transition:

  • Is the easiest of the three to do
  • Is the hardest of the three to transition into a girl being your lover or girlfriend
  • Is the least flexible of the three (mostly only useable in private)

The spontaneous kiss transition:

  • Is the hardest of the three to do
  • Is the easiest of the three to transition into a girl being your lover or girlfriend
  • Is the most flexible of the three (useable anywhere)

The sexual kiss transition:

  • Is intermediate in difficulty to do
  • Is intermediate in its ability to transition into a girl being your lover or girlfriend
  • Is intermediate in its flexibility (useable anywhere, but doesn't always work for getting a girl to stick around and get together with you later)

A great transition follows a great interaction, filled with fantastic conversation (in the case of romantic or spontaneous) or rapid physical escalation (in the case of sexual), and leads to an amazing kiss.

An amazing kiss consists of (in addition to a great interaction and build-up, and a great transition):

  1. Hovering in front of her lips prior to kissing her to build anticipation
  2. Starting your kiss by lightly kissing one of her lips at a time or "nibbling"
  3. Waiting until she reaches the point of desperately wanting to kiss you
  4. Then diving in with passionate open-mouth kissing
  5. Vary your kissing with passionate lip kisses and head tilts
  6. Give her a little tongue, but don't make it a centerpiece of your kissing
  7. At some point early into the kiss, stop kissing her... wait a moment, then return

And there you have it, your complete guide on how to kiss a girl.

Feel like you're ready to get going?

Of course, there are always more tips and techniques to cover... if you have any special kiss moves of your own that work great, please share them in the comment section below and let us know what they are.

Here's wishing you a lot of incredible kisses with a lot of incredible women.

Chase Amante

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.


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Josh's picture

I would like to see a post on sexual tension. How and when to create it and sustain it. I see you mention touching and proximity to create this and maybe some eye contact that last just a little to long. Those along with some playful banter maybe as well? It's amazing how much of flirting and seduction are non-verbal.

Chase Amante's picture

Howdy Josh,

Yep - all of those can play into it: touching, proximity, eye contact, banter, definitely. The slippery thing about tension is that there are a bunch of different ways to create it... once you know what you're doing.

But like a lot of things in this arena, it can annoying and frustrating when you're first trying to figure it out and only managing to do a lot of wheel spinning.

I'll see what I can do to get a post up on this.


The Tool's picture

Just like to share my story on the power of the Manhandle kiss.

I went on a first date with a girl, simple coffee, hit it up great about an hour and a half into it she started saying "What time does this place close, I dont want to be that kind of person that stays the whole night". This was my call to action to pull her home, so using the yes ladder I did. upon reaching my place we went to my room and sat on my bed talked for like 3 mins than i began to get out my laptop to watch a movie, 2 mins into that i looked at her and said "you smell good what kind of perfume is that" she said blablabla. I looked at my computer then looked at her and did the Manhandle kiss I slowly pulled away and looked her dead in the eyes, I slowly moved in again and she downright ATTACKED ME!!! It was like an upright explosion of passion the "second kiss" her tounge was completely in my mouth she was quite rough and excited. grabbing allover me and whatnot. The holding back and staring at her technique that chase talked about was extremely powerful, I used that myself and it completely drove her nuts for after I did it she upped the passion even more. The tilting of the head was also a great technique what I found also drove her nuts, what I dont think was covered was lightly biting and sucking on her upper or lower lips drove her absolutely bonkers.
So yea Through my experiences the Manhandle kiss techniqe is extremely powerful, I love using it.

Chase Amante's picture

Hey Tool,

Great experience you had with the manhandle kiss - thanks for sharing it with us. It's a really effective technique when you use it properly (sounds like that girl thought so anyway). Women love it... nobody kisses them like that. Usually girls only see it in the movies and wish that someone would kiss them that way.

You're right on the light biting and sucking on her lips - I mentioned "nibbling" in the article, but that was as close as I got to that. Biting and sucking adds another great dimension to your kissing, for sure.

Ever try tugging her lip out and letting it snap back? That's a teasing variation on biting that can get some really sexy, charged-up responses if you use it at the right moment.


Erik evans 's picture

You honestly had never mentioned where your hands should be, what else does she like during the kiss. Thanks for the other information. I know you wrote this post a while back, but please post something else more on the topic of other pleasures she may desire during your kissing. And where your hands should be. Just a short article with some information on regards of what else she may want you to do.
, just a suggestion, thank you.

Franco's picture

Great summary. Kissing is a hard aspect to write on; there are definitely fundamentals that can be learned to improve your technique, but what really drives women wild is if you know how psychologically get them excited to be kissing you in the first place. This all depends on the mood, the setting, and the build-up to the kiss.

My main reason for writing this comment is that I would love to contribute a killer method for landing the first kiss and making a girl melt in your arms. I currently have a 100% success rate with this method when applicable (knock on wood), and it really ties in all three of the elements that are listed above (which are romance, spontaniety, and sexuality). The only drawback to this method is that it is somewhat situational, but I highly suggest everyone here try it if they haven't already. Here it is:

1. Get her back to your place and have her "get comfortable" on your couch (or other comfortable two-person seating situation). This shouldn't be too hard to do if you have been following the methods listed on this blog by moving faster with her and getting her alone.

2. Ask her what she would like to drink. This is a key element to setting up this situation. It does not matter what she decides to drink as long as you can pour her something to hold and sip on -- this even includes a glass of water. You'll have a higher success rate of her ending up with a drink if you ask her, "What would you like to drink?" followed by listing the options rather than asking her, "Do you want something to drink?" The first question already assumes that she wants something, and getting a drink for the two of you helps create the sentiment that she will stay for awhile.

3. OPTIONAL: After you hand her the drink, put your arm around her as you sit down. This is not required, but I can't stress enough how much EASIER it is to make a girl feel comfortable if you can get her close to you before you even think about going in for the kiss -- or even sitting down for that matter.

4. The grand finale... follow these steps exactly. Whether you are watching a movie or just talking, wait for a moment when you both have your drinks in your hand and the mood feels "comfortable" (don't wait too long though... this should be within 5-10 minutes of you sitting down). When you're ready, reach over and set your drink down on the nearest table and, immediately after, reach for her drink and set it on the table. This should be done at a 'relaxed' speed. Don't look rushed, but don't hesitate either. Right after you have set her drink on the table, pull your face up next to hers while simultaneously grabbing her chin softly with your thumb (below her lips) and next two fingers (under her chin), tilt it towards your lips, and watch as her eyes magically begin to shut while you place a romantic, spontaneous, and sexy kiss right on her lips.

The amount of confidence you display by creating the anticipation and suspense of taking the drink out her hand will leave her in a state of excited bewilderment -- which is exactly the way you want her to be before you plant your lips on hers. This method has been extremely effective for me, and it is the kind of kiss that a girl dreams about at night. If you're anything like me, you'll want to be the guy in that dream. ;)

Happy kissin'!

- Franco

Chase Amante's picture

Thanks Franco. Yeah, it is a tough subject to write on... no verbalizations to lay out, all pure emotions, movements, intuition, and timing. Makes it tricky.

That's a great, really ballsy kiss technique you've worked out - something straight out of romance flick. Definitely one a gal will be thinking about for a long time after the kiss is over.

Appreciate you sharing it with us here, man - nicely put together.


R!'s picture

Something that I always love about your articles is that they help to clear up as to why certain events happened.

Recently did the sexual kiss with a girl that lives a little bit down my residence hall in college, yet we sort of did it in her room with my roommate and her roommate half-asleep. We both had some fun, but I didn't realize how much power I was giving her, particularly because we were making out/touching each other all night. Its those finely tuned nuances that are so hard to pin down. Did basically everything but sex, which sort of killed the passion, and explains why I was unable to bed her the next day when I told her to come over. I also made an escalation goof up by not conquering last-minute resistance, but I have since learned from that. This is another mental check to lower the chances of encountering that, thanks.

Chase Amante's picture

Hey R!-

Glad the article cleared that up... that sort of thing spent YEARS boggling me before I figured it out. It was like, "Geez, we got so close... why's she going COLD now???"

The more you learn about this stuff, the more you realize how crucial the need to make it happen on the first try really is.


Alex123123's picture

Dear Chase,

I do slip up on dates and like most things I only learn through trial and error I have been on many with different women. To a extent where it has become uniform on what stages and actions I do on a first date, but I do mix up what kind I take them on. This maybe a problem now since I am dating different kinds of women.

I have always gone in for the kiss with the first date when I feel the time is right. Although lately I have been managing to get numbers from very attractive women and organising dates whilst using the very same method. It seems to work just aswel although on the second date there is a slump where there excitement drops.

From reading your articles I have got it into my head that I am selling myself too easy? Or should I take it easy with the kissing on the second date because I have established my interest in order for her to make advances towards me?

Anonymous's picture

Somehow I stumbled across this website, and have been very enlightened as to the depths of the male mind... and what's typical of guys. I just would like to say that kissing, even the first kiss is not always the man's "duty". I was the first one to kiss my boyfriend, it was perfect, and that didn't turn me off at all, nor did it weaken our relationship. A man doesn't "have" to be the first one to kiss... it really just depends on your situation! Alright, I'll get off the soapbox...

matt fry's picture

Just like to share my story on the power of the Manhandle kiss.

I went on a first date with a girl, simple coffee, hit it up great about an hour and a half into it she started saying "What time does this place close, I dont want to be that kind of person that stays the whole night". This was my call to action to pull her home, so using the yes ladder I did. upon reaching my place we went to my room and sat on my bed talked for like 3 mins than i began to get out my laptop to watch a movie, 2 mins into that i looked at her and said "you smell good what kind of perfume is that" she said blablabla. I looked at my computer then looked at her and did the Manhandle kiss I slowly pulled away and looked her dead in the eyes, I slowly moved in again and she downright ATTACKED ME!!! It was like an upright explosion of passion the "second kiss" her tounge was completely in my mouth she was quite rough and excited. grabbing allover me and whatnot. The holding back and staring at her technique that chase talked about was extremely powerful, I used that myself and it completely drove her nuts for after I did it she upped the passion even more. The tilting of the head was also a great technique what I found also drove her nuts, what I dont think was covered was lightly biting and sucking on her upper or lower lips drove her absolutely bonkers.
So yea Through my experiences the Manhandle kiss techniqe is extremely powerful, I love using it.

Matt's picture

So I just got a girlfriend and when we make out she's already moaning and trying to slip her tongue in my mouth from the beginning so technically she skips to step 4. And when I "nibble," she slips her tongue in, in any way possible. If you have any tips to make me a better kisser, I would appreciate it.

Anonymous's picture

Hey Chase,
I was just wondering how I could make myself get the courage to use something like a manhandle or really just any type of kiss.
Last week I went on a date, it went well, but I just couldn't get myself to kiss her. I wanted to but it just wouldn't happen, she was giving me the signs, I'd tell myself "Okay now!" but couldn't do it. Any help at all would be great.
Ta, Anon

Dred's picture

Chase ill take this one, be a man bro, in future if she wants this to happenen you have to be the one to initiate, if that means diving out of your comfort zone dive. You'll feel much better afterwards.


Anonymous's picture

I have been trying to have my first kiss for about two weeks and didn't know what to do... Well I looked it up being very desperate and I found this. I read it over at least 10 times and memorized it. So I took my girlfriend to a dark place at my house and put on her favorite movie, the Notebook, and I followed all your tips and advice. It worked I just did it step by step and she just was shocked. She was blushing and smiling and biting her lip. I was so excited, thank you for everything!!! My very first kiss ever and with my girlfriend was a success thanks to you!!! I really appreciate it!

SK Player's picture

The spontaneous kiss is my favorite. The romantic kiss is too tension filled and at a slower pace. I find that the rapidity of spontaneous kiss is better to pull off for me at least.

Anonymous's picture

whoa dude. i cant believe how effective this is. thank you so much for these graet tips :)

Julie's picture

Hi guys, I'm a girl and I've been kissed many different ways and I can assure you that everything that's explained in this post is absolutely right. Chase, you really understood what you have to do. Good luck everyone!

Blue's picture

This article is from 2 years ago, and I being a scientist have a fear of old articles but still I find it so well-written. However I have to disagree on the effectiveness of a sexual kiss. It can do a magic that all the romance in the world cannot do! Just listen to what I experienced just 2 days past:
I was at a small party with close friends from the university, and this one hot Brazilian guy was there, who I had met just once many months ago. So through the course of the evening I drank a lot of wine and I flirted on and off with this guy and I was not sure if he's interested or if he's just being himself (he is usually fun and flirty in general). When I got up to leave he said he will come with me because some lame excuse and I was kind of happy to hear that. We walked a bit and chatted and then he said do you want to come and see my dog and I was thinking to myself "wow, I'm going to have a taste of this fun sexy guy after all". So we went to his place and played with the dog and there was this sexual tension between us with little subtle touches. We were both bent over touching the dog when he kind of turned toward me and his open lips were on mine. He just started kissing my upper lips (my lips were already parted to breath better) and he started touching my breasts over my shirt and going under my shirt. It was absolutely the hottest best kiss I have ever got. I always thought I just like romantic kisses. This was certainly not romantic, nor started slow, it was just raw and spontaneous (but from reading this blog maybe very well practiced ;)) but I have to name it my best! I was this close to doing it with him but I somehow suddenly remembered that I have a boyfriend! And he was so mature about it and even apologized. Now I want him even more for being a gentleman too and cannot stop thinking about that kiss. Guys out there, this is the kind of kiss you want to give a girl... a reason to come back to you.

David Johnson's picture

Hello Chase,

This situation happened about a week ago. Everyone I've told this story has been quite pissed at me for not closing eventually. This was around the time I had just started reading your blog and hadn't gotten to this article yet. I saw a girl I had met a while back, I had her number but she had not ever really responded before. I decided to try your advise about 'asking a girl out early' and some of your other conversation helpers. I've always been pretty good at talking to people but still, I was pretty shocked at how it helped to get her to my bed that day. Basically, I did everything right, and took advantage of all the escalation windows. We saw a movie, cosy'd under the covers and all that, and for some reason, I couldn't decide how to get myself to kiss her that night. I mean, we weren't extremely close or anything and I only knew like one of her close friends so I don't think it was so much that I was scared of breaking a friendship. I guess I just did not know what transition style to use. Well, I wasted that night cuddling and I still regret what happened. In this kind of situation, what type of transition would you advise me to use? Also, do you think there's still any chance of getting that kind of situation with this girl again? I mean, do you think she'll be thinking what kind of person I was to not take advantage of such an opportunity?


Anonymous's picture

Silly question I know, but how do you you hover "in front of her lips prior to kissing her to build anticipation" when you at the same time must "gradually closing your eyes as you go - so that they'll be completely shut just as you reach her lips" as the article first mention in the romantic kiss transition?

How is it possible to "get your mouth very, very close to hers... then stop, just for a split second. Let your breath touch her lips. If she leans forward and tries to kiss you, pull back a little bit so that your lips stay just out of range of hers. You can tease her this way for half a second, or for three seconds, or even longer if you're a big teaser" when your eyes should be gradually closing and almost shut?

Wouldn't it be creepy eyes when they have to stay open that close to a girl's lips to spot and see if you can tease her by retreating for a sec?

Thx in advance

Anonymous's picture

this is bloody great. thx guys. imma read your articles like a monk trains in the mountains

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