Social Skills 101: Pushing Past Your Comfort Zone


Social SkillsA lot of you have commented on the fact that you want to see more posts about social interactions. Well, I want you to know, we hear you. This technically should’ve come before my last post, but either way, I’m officially starting a series of posts dedicated to every aspect of social interactions – our very own social skills training series.

A little more about my background, since we haven’t discussed it to much great detail before: I’ve worked in law firms, sales, have been a part of countless organizations, have studied psychology, and have spent time all over this beautiful planet of ours.

Along the way, I’ve spent countless days, weeks, and hours meeting and interacting with women from sun up to sundown (and often later) to get closer to reaching the same level of understanding and efficacy with women that Chase and Ricardus share with you every day.

As those of you who have been around this site have seen, the three of us work toward many of the same goals, but come from very different points of view.

The feeling of just starting out and getting a lot of your basic social skills down is still vivid for me, and I know how intimidating or confusing it can be to be put in a new or overwhelming social situation and still want to pick up a girl on top of that.

So get ready for the series, and let’s start off with a proper introduction.


Excitement and Uncertainty

There I was, sitting in a train station in Switzerland. It was my first time in Europe, and I needed to take a train across the country to meet up with a distant family member I had never met or seen before.

Everything around me was in Swiss-German. I had no phone, and I had forgotten what station I needed to get to. Everyone seemed to be in their own world, confidently bustling across the station without a second thought. I was terrified; a part of me wanted to sit in that cold station for as long as I could rather than risk talking to someone or getting on the wrong train, but my family was waiting on me.

So, I looked at the general direction that I needed to go, then I picked a train – and then I boarded. I ended up being eased by a great conversation with an old man who was on vacation, and decided to ride the train until the final stop.

At the last stop, I got off, and after a few minutes of tense wandering, I saw a man who looked vaguely like my father with a wide smile on his face. The train had taken me to the right place.

This experience will always stay with me as one of the most terrifying and exhilarating experiences I’ve ever had. And what I realized recently when recounting this story to a friend of mine is that this feeling of excitement and uncertainty is the same feeling you get when you start to see consistent success with women for the first few months.

It’s the feeling of pushing past your comfort zone. It’s the simultaneous feeling of fear and anticipation that makes people feel alive. It’s the same feeling that bonds you with girls – and one that you will consistently be able to give them if you follow the articles and programs on this site.


Accepting the Social Skills Challenge

We tell you on this site that if you want to improve your social skills and your romantic skills you have to keep pushing past your comfort zone. Why? Because only then will you understand where your process is lacking; and only then will you be on the path to being a powerful man, able to handle any social situation.

social skills

I will tell you right now, as I’ve said before, improving your social skills is one of, if not the hardest task you will ever undertake – you can ask Chase, you can ask Ricardus, you can ask anyone who’s made a real effort to do it.

And because it’s so hard – because it’s such a challenging, daunting process – a large number of the men who start on down this path give up on improving themselves before they make much significant progress. You can see it, almost like a funnel going down, with people falling out of the funnel every step of the way to the bottom, towards that goal of extraordinary social skills and success with women. The deeper into the rabbit hole you go, the fewer men you find left standing.

This goes much farther than just being able to get any woman you want (though that’s certainly a worthy goal in it’s own right). The reason why mastering social skills is perhaps the hardest thing you could ever do is twofold.

First, it challenges every part of your being and your identity at the same time:

  • Your perception of yourself
  • How you see the world
  • Your level of confidence
  • How you deal with failure
  • Your sexy vibe
  • How you perform in bed
  • Your "social stamina"

... we’ll get to the second reason in just a moment. But first, a bit of expansion and explanation on this first point.

All of these aspects – and every other part of your individuality – are put under the microscope when you tirelessly work to improve your social skills.

It’s the same principle behind fully devoting yourself to a martial art or being completely devout to a religion; it’s not only about the practices (the fighting or the prayer service, respectively), but about the complete changes (the newfound life discipline or the new sense of passion for learning and compassion for people, particularly women) that you experience.

In the case of the seducer, the practice is talking to, befriending, and sleeping with women, but the complete change is the new, better man – in control of his emotions – you inevitably become.

This man is confident, knows how to get what he wants, is a stylish dresser, and has no reason to be unhappy about his life, even when things don’t always go his way.

This is why Girls Chase doesn’t just tell you how to sleep with women like other gimmicky sites; we tell you exactly what to expect from every personal and emotional standpoint and how to understand women from the viewpoint of a powerful man (which naturally includes constantly bringing high-value women into your life).

Ultimately, you can be one of two people:

  1. The man who decides that it’s better to play it safe, and gives up when life gets hard

  2. The man who is unafraid to accept the challenge and bring everything he dreams about into his reality

Which one you become is up to you – and nobody else – to choose.


Changing Your Life

This complete change, this tackling of one’s own being and identity and self, is why most people avoid anything that requires them to make such a large commitment – fully devoting yourself to anything will change your life.

But, this is only the first reason why improving your social skills is harder than nearly anything else.

The second reason is that most of your improvement requires other people (almost always women).

  • If you want to improve at basketball, you can go to a basketball court and practice your shooting and dribbling for as long as you want.

  • If you want to be a better writer, you can lock yourself in a room and write stories all day, every day.

  • If you want to be a better fighter, you can go the garage and hit the punching bag until you’ve got the meanest swing this side of Jack Dempsey.

But if you want to improve your social skills, once you get the right style and posture, you can’t really improve on opening women, moving them, or taking them to bed by talking to yourself in the mirror.

One of the hardest facts to face as a beginner is this: you’re going to make the same mistakes in front of a lot of different women.

social skills


Reaping the Reward

But before you throw your hands up in exasperation at the impossibility of this undertaking... hold on – because it’s hard, but not impossible. We’ve talked a lot about the difficulty; now let’s talk about the reward.

In his book Making Time, psychologist Steve Taylor looks at our perception of time as we age:

As we get older, we have fewer new experiences. We start to ‘switch off' to the realness of the world, as it becomes more familiar to us. As a result, our minds take in fewer impressions, and so time seems to pass more quickly. However, this shows us a way of slowing down time… unfamiliarity slows down time.

Our lives actually seem longer when we have new experiences. Taylor goes on to add that people actually value experiences and connections with each other over material possessions or anything else in life.

I mentioned earlier that fear and excitement usually go hand in hand; fear in fact activates the same part of our brain that causes attraction between people.

And if you remember that meetings girls is a numbers game, the fear part starts to fade away and you get hooked on the excitement of new experiences and meeting new people.

After a while, pushing past your comfort zone isn’t so much of a push anymore – it just becomes something you do. But you must push yourself to get past the hump until you reach that point.

If you stop focusing on particular women and start focusing on improving your social skills  and romantic skills and you yourself, you’ll just be eager to learn from your mistakes and analyze your interactions with women.

Chase alluded to an upcoming forum where you’ll be able to analyze your interactions with women. I’ll also include a post or two in the future to share my experiences about where I’ve arrived at in this last year of fully dedicating myself to improving with women and where I still need to go.

The beauty about the great difficulty of improving your social skills is that your life will improve for the better in pretty much every way, and it’ll stay that way. You’ll have new confidence, honed instincts, and the ability to interact with nearly anyone in any situation.

You’ve seen the testimonials, you’ve read the posts; but if you haven’t started, now is the time. If you have started, keep pushing yourself; talk to one more girl, move the girl you’re clicking with, handle your logistics and take her home. Even if you feel like you’re at a plateau – the quantum leap is right around the corner.

In the spirit of Chase’s post on how to master anything, I’m reminded of a Zen proverb:

To follow the path, look to the master; follow the master; walk with the master; see through the master; become the master.

Your train is here, and I’m excited to see where it can take you. Stay tuned for this social series, and let’s get you building some killer social skills.

Carpe diem,

Colt

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Comments

Knight's picture

Mint


Hey Colt,
first time I've seen you post. Interesting article, keep up the work mate.

Anonymous's picture

thanks dude


you blow my mind

AJ's picture

Excellent article!


Hey Colt just wanted to drop a line and let you know that I really enjoyed this article! I know that as a natural introvert and former loser with women, I can personally attest to pushing out of your comfort zone, feeling the fear and doing it anyways. Once you get past that hump, life starts to feel real good. It's just one of those things where the more you do it, the better you get at it.

Walls's picture

Look forward to it!


Also a former introvert. Looking forward to your series, Colt!

Swaye's picture

Applying Social Skills to Social Circles


Hey Chase,

You know how we can apply social skills to our social circles? Also if you make one for college game!

Thanks

Jon's picture

Hey this one is actually by a


Hey this one is actually by a new guy "colt" swaye, but I agree totally, a post on college game would be great.

Estate's picture

Hi! As always, great advice.


Hi!
As always, great advice. I really love these articles about changing attitudes towards certain things and setting frames.

Here's my sticking point though, while I "get it" in theory, I sometimes still just run out of the "right" things to say... I know, the magic bullet right? haha.

I was on a date last night and I'll admit it wasn't my best ever. But while I could actually "see" the dynamic of what was going on in terms of setting frames (which I never would have seen before), I still felt a little powerless to change the frame, or know how to with my words without it seeming weird.

I guess my question is... How did YOU learn this? I find myself adopting the mind-sets you lay out here but sometimes I still revert to my old self in the words I say. Is there any other reading or material you might recommend to translate the "mind-sets" I'm learning here into actual words or actions. I'm not loving the idea of learning off a script of material, but fake it 'til you make it I guess, when you're starting out?

Many thanks!

D's picture

Push past your comfort zone: An example


Hi, Colt, and the rest of the team at that.

I felt the need to post, particularly on this blog post, as only now have I had a epiphany about half an hour ago about my fear to approaching. I've been reading this site for about 4 months now, practically having read probably every post possible, and I like to think i've got my fundamentals laid down great and can also apply MANY more of the great teachings on this site well (somehow i'm early 20's and i'm regularly sleeping with a hot, late-30 year old, def not complaining).

But I was walking out the gym today and held the door open behind me, who was walking behind me, a perfect 10, blonde, stunning, 20-something girl, on her own. She walked past me acknowledging me for holding the door and I just let her keep walking. Everything i've ever learnt off this site was rushing through my head about direct openers and law of least effort, blah blah blah, but I did nothing. She got in the car two down from me, I just smiled at her, got in my car and drove off, literally banging my head on the steering wheel.

I have just realised, I really need to grow a pair of balls. Perfect opportunity, it's just that those 10's are RARE and i cracked, majorly! I've had perfect day-game success before where I live but I really don't want to lower my standards to break my fear of approach anxiety.

Today, I realised, what have I got to lose? Nothing... What do I want to gain with my life? A ton more... What am I going to do later? Go back out and improve my life, because those chances when they come are rare, If i just sit here cooking casserole all day I'm never gonna get far... :P

Slowly i'm getting there, I feel the next chance will be great... Thanks for all you guys do!

Trilogy's picture

Facing the truth


Great article Colt, you really nailed it with the challenges we face. My biggest hurdle was being able to look at myself objectively. There were some things about myself and my situation that I didn't want to deal with.

Realization and acceptance came slowly over a period of time, but I was committed to a positive transformation rather than the continuing downward spiral I was caught up in. There's still plenty of challenges to undertake and with the modest amount of success I've had thus far, I find myself actually looking forward facing and overcoming them.

In my experience life is about change, it can't be stopped or avoided but I believe it can be guided to reap the best possible results from any situation.

Keep moving forward.

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