Dating Tales: A Girl from the Past, a Friend Who Let Go
Today I wanted to share a few more of my dating tales - this post is
more a grab bag of experiences and tips and stories, but I wanted to
talk about a girl I met from a long time before, a simple hand-test I
love doing with women that tells both them and you a lot about each
other, and a friend of mine who let obsession take him too far.
I was standing at the subway station, waiting for Sandra* to arrive… she was to be my date for the evening.
*Names and places changed to “protect the guilty.”
Suddenly, a beautiful girl left the train and headed towards me, smiling… and it’s not the Sandra I was expecting.
I must have gotten my Sandras confused…
But who in the world was this girl?!
It was a different Sandra… but which one? I had four Sandras in my phone… where had I met this one?
I couldn’t remember her for the life of me… but she looked excited to see me.
I was racking my brain, trying to remember… and quickly, before I gave myself a way and she finds out I’m on a date with her without even having the slightest clue who she is!
On the one hand, it’s a really good place to be in when you have so many women in your life that you’re starting to totally lose track of them all (and you WILL get there, if you just stick with practicing this skill long enough)… but on the other hand, this could be embarrassing.
I pretended to know exactly who she is, and started talking to her… trying to steer the conversations in directions that would allow me to inconspicuously find out where I had met her…
…and finally, it came to me.
Dating Tales: Let’s Rewind 18 Months…
When I had set up this date with “Sandra” for tonight, I had a different girl in mind… but as it turned out, it was a Sandra I had picked up about a year and a half earlier.
She had been riding the subway back home from a photo shoot when I first met her, and I sat down next to her on the train. After a couple of minutes, I pulled out my phone and asked her a question about a text message I had received… don’t do this in a street pickup, but it’s an easy way to start a conversation if you have enough time, for example if a girl is sitting next to you somewhere.
I drew her into a conversation and we exchanged digits.
Boots on the Ground
A few days after first meeting her those 18 months prior, I went to the mall with a good friend from London, but since it was raining there really weren’t a lot of beautiful women out. As we were still walking around, Sandra called me.
It was already 7:30 pm at this point, which is pretty late to meet a girl and take the interaction somewhere significant… at least in a subway city where people have the last train to worry about, but I told her to come out and meet me at the mall anyway… after all, we weren’t seeing a lot of other options around anyway.
This is a nice little gambit that can rescue you from the friend zone pretty quickly – if you start with an indirect opener, there is no sexuality, no romantic interest implied in the interaction, and you will have to remedy this at some point.
One way to do that is to suddenly role-play as if you had never met her before and you just walked up to her for the first time, but this time you go direct. It’s a nice way to go from one frame to another, like flicking a switch.
She loved it… and ten minutes later, we went back to my place, “for a game of pool.” *ahem*
As we walked into the house, I told her I’m thirsty and went to my room to get something to drink. She didn’t follow me, but stayed in the game room instead… so I just stayed in my room until she finally came up.
I mean… what is she going to do?
She’s going to come up eventually…
To make a long story short, we did not go all the way that day. We wouldn’t have this post on dating tales if we did.
I experimented with a few new ideas, and they backfired… I could also blame it on the fact that she was on her period, had just broken up with her boyfriend two days prior, or that she was religious and went to church every Sunday… but I prefer to take responsibility for botched seductions and keep the locus of control firmly in my court.
As I walked her back to the train station, we pass some dude that I had never seen before… but apparently he had seen me plenty of times.
He takes one look at my girl and me and then yells: “You never fail, you just never FAIL man!”
At least he wasn’t high-fiving me… he must have seen me walk that street with different girls pretty often.
But, I did fail… nothing happened between Sandra and me that night.
She asked me for a rain check, but that rain check never came.
Not until 18 months later, that is…
I’m going to teach you one of my favorite moves to do with a girl – a little move that increases the sexual dynamic and basically gets you permission to sleep with her, long before you even kiss her.
You simply take her hand and squeeze it.
Doesn’t sound like much, does it?
But touching someone’s hand can communicate everything.
If you think this is not a HIGHLY sexual and erotic move, ask yourself this question: Would you take your buddy’s hand, interlock fingers and slowly yet firmly squeeze it?
I didn’t think so…
And that’s exactly what you want to do with a girl. This is deep nonverbal sexual communication… and it will tell you a lot about her. With Sandra, when I took her hand and squeezed it, I immediately knew two things…
First, that sex was going to happen in the next thirty minutes…
And second, that she was going to be AWESOME in bed.
It was bound to be an earth-shattering night… it HAD to be… and here is why.
Yin and Yang
In a past article on the sexy vibe, we discussed that you want to strike the right balance between being an asshole on the one hand, and a wet noodle on the other.
You want to be attractive, masculine and sexual, yet also vulnerable, open and trustworthy.
And quoting David Shade again…
You want to be exciting, but without being reckless.
You want to be considerate, but without being boring.
You want to be macho, but without being uninteresting.
You want to be intelligent, but without being bland.
And you want to be dominant, but without being demanding…
…and a touch of your hands can communicate all of that to her in just a few seconds.
You see, there are really three ways you could hold a girl’s hands:
Neutral: you hold her hand and she holds yours, but there is no emotional communication, there is no spark of sexuality or tension, there is nothing there that would get you in trouble in a puritan society. It’s the way you might hold your grandmother’s hand, or your little sister’s.
Sensual: this is a soft, light, and very tender touch. You are almost caressing her hands… maybe only hardly actually touching them, but not quite. Think a butterfly’s wings… think electric sparks flying from one electrode to another without the two even touching. Do this right and she will know exactly what it means… she will understand that you know how to create anticipation, that you are a very good lover, and that you will know how to touch her in exactly the right way, in all her secret spots.
Passionate: this is the opposite of the sensual touch. You grab her hand and squeeze it firmly. It’s not violent, but it is ravishing. It communicates the exact same emotion as when you’re deep inside her, owning her entire body, embracing her fully, melting into each other. Squeezing only her hand can communicate that exact same emotion… and if she squeezes back, it’s game over – just find a place where you can be alone together.
If you can combine the sensual and the passionate touch as you hold her hands, you communicate to her that you are that man that unites yin and yang. You are the one who knows how to strike the balance between the domineering idiot in a wife beater on the one hand, and the submissive wet-noodle nice guy on the other.
And if you can communicate that, she WILL want you…
…because just as I knew from holding Sandra’s hand that she was going to be amazing in bed, so, too, can women read the way you hold their hands, and know what a night with YOU will be like.
We spent an amazing night together… my prediction of her prowess in bed was not to be disappointed. But more than that, we had an amazing chemistry… and I knew that if she was the only girl I was dating, if I had no other options, I might fall in love with her, head over heels… regardless of her personality, her intelligence or our compatibility!
The way a man feels about a woman is entirely based on his biochemistry… and his biochemistry, in turn, is entirely dictated by his dating circumstances.
The more dating abundance you have, the less susceptible you will be to a woman’s charms, emotionally.
The more you’re in scarcity when it comes to women, the more quickly you will fall in love and the more easy it will be for women to wrap you around their fingers.
The most extreme examples are a professional seducer on the one hand, and a guy who has lived in a sexually repressed country all his life on the other (for instance, a regular Joe living in the Middle East who's from there and has next to zero access to women).
Some might consider the seducer to be “hardened” – but far from it, he is able to enjoy true intimacy without getting shellshocked by his own hormones, without having his blood stream flushed with natural psychotropic substances, without distorting reality and projecting fictional angelic traits onto a woman just because she’s female, without his brain and heart going hay-wire and without developing an obsession over a girl he hardly even knows, and without putting women on a pedestal for no reason other than her looks (or any reason, for that matter).
On the other hand, I once met a man in a bar in Tokyo who had just left his home in Arabia for the first time and who was, also for the first time in his life, seeing young women without a veil or a burqa.
He was in tears…
He was so starved for feminine energy that the mere sight of a beautiful girl evoked the most disturbed emotions in him.
No es amor…
Do you still remember that band Aventura from a couple of years ago, and their song “Obsesión?”
“No es amor... lo que tu sientes se llama obsesión... Una ilusión en tu pensamiento... así funciona el corazón.”
“It’s not love… what you feel is called obsession… an illusion in your thoughts… that’s the way the heart works.”
Here’s some real talk:
A good friend of mine committed suicide a couple of weeks ago
because he was in love with a girl who was unattainable for him. I was
pretty upset when I heard about it.
And you know what the crazy thing was? This friend had never even gotten together with her… he had no idea what she would have been like in an actual relationship.
Maybe she was annoying, or constantly jealous, or unfaithful… or dumb as a loaf of bread. But all he had to go by was the superficial visual impression of a stranger he couldn’t stop thinking about, and he fell in love too quickly because his biochemistry was out of whack due to dating scarcity.
And once you’re in love with a girl, you’re pretty much done for… especially if you’re inexperienced. Now suddenly you’re too nervous around her to even talk to her… leave alone do and say the right thing.
But what’s worse… you begin projecting imaginary positive qualities on the girl that she probably doesn’t even have… Trust me, beautiful girls HATE the pedestal. They don’t want a guy to think of her as a perfect angel, because she knows she can’t live up to that and if she does ever get together with him, he is bound to eventually be disappointed. A biochemical obsession is no basis for a stable relationship!
If my friend had learned the ins and outs of dating, of meeting beautiful women and starting relationships with them, be that short or long relationships, monogamous ones or open ones… he would not have freaked out over one single women out of the 3,500,000,000 that are walking around on this planet!
Or as my first mentor used to say: if you have one girl, and she breaks up with you, it is a disaster... it’s the End of the World. But if you have four girls, and one of them breaks up with you, it’s… too bad, somehow.
Unfortunately I had been out of touch with him since we graduated… but if I had known that he had this problem, GirlsChase.com could have literally saved his life.
What’s It All Mean?
I realize you might be feeling like this is article’s somewhat disjointed; in the space of 2,000 words we go from talking about this girl I met and met again, to the hand-test, to my friend who could no longer stand his obsession and took himself out of the world.
But there is a theme here, amongst these scattered dating tales and experiences.
And the theme, in case you didn’t grasp it, was this:
There I was, meeting so many girls I couldn’t even keep straight who was who, and didn’t even devote the mental energy to think about them often enough to remember them all that well… and there my friend was, so obsessed about some girl he didn’t even know that he felt compelled to take his own life.
The theme is this: you have in your life what you bring in your life.
And you’re only miserable - you’re only obsessed - if you’re not going out to meet new girls, you’re not keeping an active rotation of women in your life, and you’re not working to constantly turn yourself into a stronger, more attractive, more desirable man.
So what’s keeping you?
Onward and upward,
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