Tactics Tuesdays: Giving Gifts and Offering Compliance | Girls Chase

Tactics Tuesdays: Giving Gifts and Offering Compliance

Chase Amante

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You can sometimes do things for girls to make them more compliant. But you must be strategic in this – and you absolutely can’t supplicate.

Note right up front: this post is for somewhat more advanced guys. At least intermediate-on-up. You need to be fine saying no to girls and not have an overwhelming need to please before you’re ready for this technique. Otherwise, you’re going to end up sabotaging yourself with it.

If you’re a regular Girls Chase reader (or if you own my book), you know how important investment is to doing well with girls. It’s a cornerstone of your success with women. If you’re just catching up and need an investment primer, here’s my three-part compliance series, to wet your whistle:

  1. How to Get Her to Say “Yes”
  2. What If She Says No?
  3. How to Say No to Others and Turn Down Compliance

In my article on Donald Trump persuasion, Lawliet asks a question about giving compliance to get it:

When we give others compliance, does that increase their compliance in us? In social situations with friends? with meeting girls also? What about in sales? I notice some salesmen help clients do things.

If normally not (ex. Sad shopping guy, helpful guy, horny guy), is there a way to leverage it so it does? I somehow suspect it can (why else would so many guys use it as flirting?), but have not decrypt the key yet (they use it in the wrong way).

Some examples would be great! (love to hear your ancedotals stories)

Just my theory,

So, yes – this is absolutely a thing.

In his book Influence, Robert Cialdini cites the example of giving free stuff (like a flower) to ask for a donation, a tactic which started at the airport with the Hare Krishnas – which if you’re too young to remember this scourge on American airports, as I am, you can still see preserved historically in the movie Airplane!:

The thing the Airplane! clip shows you is that this tactic is often pretty grating.

The thing it doesn’t tell you – and that Cialdini talks about – is that it can be (and in the case of the Hare Krishnas, it was) extremely effective.

Yet before you go running off to use it in your seductions, we have a few things to discuss about it, first.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.



Nolimits's picture

Hey chase,

What do You do when in a monogamous relationship, after the first month, She catches You going on a date with someone else?
I told Her , look i was keeping my options up but would never have fucked Her. I m just learning how to go through this relationship, i was afraid. . For me It s the first time i m just with one lady.
But i would have NEVER cheated.

What should you do in that situatIon?

Chase Amante's picture

No Limits-

Depends on the status of the relationship, what you told her, and what expectations you set.

If it was monogamous and you told her it was monogamous, you just tell her all right, sorry, sorry, I haven't done this monogamy thing before and it's hard. Would you like me to not hang out with girls one-on-one? Is that the way it works? Have you cut off hanging out with other guys one-on-one?

O if you hadn't yet pledged monogamy, but you want monogamy, then you just tell her, "Look, I like you. You're awesome. But we've only been seeing each other for a month. I don't know what this is yet. We haven't talked about it. I have no idea if you're only seeing me or if you've got 10 other guys or what your deal is. Do you want monogamy? Do you want us to be exclusive to one another?"


Jimbo's picture

My personal "trick" for when I do favors is to have them assist me at it, put them in a distinctly beta role and me in a position of authority.

I've always been handy with the tools, and a lot of women around me know that, from neighbors to family acquaitances.

But here's the thing. When she asks you do something (repair, install, whatever), say something like: "Depends. Do you know how to make battered fish?" That's right, I tell them to prepare food I like while I'm doing whatever for them, for me to eat it when I'm done. Not only that, but I get them to bring me coffee and cigarettes while I'm working. Turn them into complete stepford wives. And guess what? They comply, happily. Not only that, but I'm 95% sure it turns them on while they're doing it. I fucked one chick right after I was done setting up her TV set. Actually she wasn't a chick, she was a woman, an older neighbor. And I screwed another one even before I was done after her having her gladly comply with assistant-like tasks. Which is why I'm almost entirely certain it turns them on to be subordinated to a stepford wife role while you, the man, are getting real things done. I don't think none of this would've happened if I'd just done my job meekly rather than authoritatively, in man-of-the-house fashion, and hadn't demanded anything in return.

Chase, I know you're not very much pro-guys doing favors, but man I'm telling you, it's all about how you do it. "Doing favors authoritatively and turning her on" would make a great Tactics Tuesday theme. And you could probably spelling it out way better than I do, because it's a mine gold.

Jimbo's picture

Sorry I mean "gold mine" (for hookups).

Chase Amante's picture


Oh, those are some splendid examples. Great comment.

Yeah, I've seen that repeatedly. You help a girl out with something, and she gets turned on at how capable you are. I've combined that with food as well, though always after and not during: "Okay, I'll set up the dresser for you. But you're going to make me tacos tonight if I put this thing together for you." Always gets an excited "Okay!", a good meal, and unusually peppy sex later.

I haven't used it outside of relationships though. Pretty clever use of that to sleep with new girls you haven't slept with yet.

Okay, yeah, I've got it noted down. I agree, that'd make a great Tactics Tuesday post! Thanks for the remarks and anecdotes.


James Hamelton's picture

Hi Chase,

I'm currently stuck neck deep in a predicament and am wondering if you have any suggestions what to do. I met a girl about 4 months ago, but with me being a virgin, I told her that I couldn't date without sex. Her, being 19, probably naively and enthusiastically agreed to date me with that condition. She already has 10+ partners and is the wild type of girl, but I kept thinking that her being from China would make her not cheat around. Additionally, she told me that she wouldn't cheat around and had been hurt in the past from being cheated on.

A big problem arose when I found out that she had been using Tinder about a month ago. I confronted her about it and she said that her friend added her to a Tinder Social group, where a group of people go out to meet others. She send me valid proof of this so I let it go.

Recently, she's been vacationing in South America and we haven't talked in a while. I then discovered that she was using Tinder Social again through a website that lets you see when someone last logged in. I called her up and asked her what was going on. I then tried strategically to phrase it as my friend matched with her in Latin America and that I knew she was talking with guys ( I did all this calmly). She then became frustrated and said that she might have, but that she might have been drunk. I told her that she probably should send me a screenshot of Tinder and that I wanted to know why she was doing that. She then instantly Hung Up on me and then sent me a screenshot of her Tinder. I saw that she had a Tinder Social Group, and that she was also swiping on guys, but not talking with them.

Since then, I've cut all contact with her and haven't messaged her back. Since she hung up on me, I haven't initiated contact with her, but she hasn't EITHER (she tends to not message everyday when on vacation). I've gotten feedback to not contact her until she does again, and probably to ignore the first few attempts as well.

I know that all signs point to the fact I'm not sleeping with her/not establishing dominance (which I've re-learned from your ebook that I bought). I know some Chinese girls are able to be dated without having to sleep with them, but I really do feel like a fool at this point. However, is there anything else I can do at this point? Thank you Chase.

Chase Amante's picture


I know it isn't what you want to hear, but:

I Don’t Chase 'Em, I Replace 'Em

btw, girls go to solo / girlfriends-only vacations to South America, the Caribbean, or Western/Southern Europe for one specific kind of "experience", and it isn't to see the sights. It's the same reason men go to South America, Eastern Europe, or Asia. Unless she went with family, you know what she's doing.

Tinder has a group dating function so a bunch of single friends can go meet people together. I know some guys who use this to great effect, and they'll have three guys meet up with three girls and everyone has fun and gets laid. Any girl who tells you she's using that to 'be social' is lying to your face. Well, I mean, she IS being social. Just a lot of the 'socializing' happens horizontally.

Don't lose heart; just don't wait four months for sex with the next girl. Just keep in mind: if you're not banging her, someone else is. She's just a human... she needs to get her cock somewhere! With the next girl, make sure you're the one giving it to her so she doesn't need to look elsewhere for it.

Chinese girls are a lot of fun, too, but they're among the most ruthless if they do not respect you. If they respect you, they're wonderful girlfriends. If they don't, they have zero qualms about lying to your face and going behind your back. Chinese society in general is not big on virtue at the moment (courtesy moral and cultural destruction rendered on the mainland population via the Great Leap Forward and the Cultural Revolution). Also, Asians feel shame, not guilt like Westerners. Shame is external, tied to saving face. Guilt is internal. Outside of Asia, she can do whatever she feels like, because there is no social group to enforce shame, and she does not experience guilt. As such, Asian girls living overseas tend to either be super conservative (if they keep to Asian-only groups, who enforce shame, and do not socialize with Westerners) or totally cock-drunk (once they discover Western men and stop hanging out with non-Westernized Asians). Not a whole lot of in-between in that demographic, and if she's over 3 or 4 partners and living overseas and dating Western guys, she'll be in the 'cock-drunk' category and experiencing everything the Western world has to offer (penis-wise).


James Hamelton's picture

Thanks Chase, I really appreciate your response. With an update -- I basically found out that after I called her and confronted her, she ditched the whole Tinder Social thing and is now using it solo (confronting her sort of encouraged her to be more active and bold about it). Additionally, she's been messaging all sorts of guys and when asked, she says she's single (a friend of mine matched with her on purpose).

She hasn't messaged me at all in the 3 days since. What I don't understand if why she wouldn't just tell me its not working instead of just carrying on without telling me that. Additionally, I feel sort of cheated out of it since I kept telling her at the beginning I didn't think it would work as it would lead to her straying and she kept begging me to be with her.

With this all said and done, would you write her a "break-up"/goodbye message and if so, what would you write? Some guys have told me just to not contact her at all -- but I feel I need some kind of closure. There's also that desire to sort of want to frame it as I'm the guy who she missed out on. If its not too much of your time, could I ask you what goodbye/breakup message you'd send to her? Thanks Chase, I really appreciate it

Robinhood's picture

Hey Chase. In a situation here. Im dating a married woman. 5 years elder than me. I'm having some issues with escalation windows since a long time now. I dont hit them when they are wide open and then try to escalate on my own schedule when i want it which doesnt seem to work. Looks like some deep inner game issue. Maybe it has something to do with stubborness. Yesterday we were on a date and she presented me with an isolation window and i failed to capitalize on it. I realized later that i missed and kept trying for isolation but she just won't budge. And it has happened for the 3rd time now :( I'm feeling very frustrated at this point in my journey. After that she started telling me about guys catcalling her and how guys have hit her on the past but she rejected them. After-date texting, she started shit testing. I told her i like how girlish u are. She said so are you and you are my girl friend. I told her thats lame and boring. She said she's okay with being so and i have to adjust to that. I said i dont adjust. She said good luck then. I said thank you... Your opinion on the whole situation will be appreciated. Is it auto-rejection? How can i pull it back and salvage it? What can I do to get another window and hit it? I'm soft-nexting her for now and waiting for her to reach me..

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