8 Signs She’s an Attention Whore (And Not Really Into You) | Girls Chase

8 Signs She’s an Attention Whore (And Not Really Into You)

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Colt Williams's picture

If a girl is an attention whore, it essentially means that you’re chasing her. Yet, chances are it’s not entirely your fault. She is probably making you chase her.

In this man’s humble opinion, the attention whore is one of the most socially adaptable and skillful people you will ever encounter.

attention whore

She has a way of drawing you in and giving you just enough to keep you around, all while refusing you what you really want.

She has a way of making you invest in her life and even of extracting value from you, all while convincing you that you have a shot with her and that it is all for the best.

But at the end of the day, she has no actual interest in having your penis inside of her. She just wants another source of validation. I believe in my heart of hearts that all men know when a girl is just leading them on in order to inflate her ego and her sense of importance.

And yet men walk along, foolishly allowing this to happen. But every once in a while, one of those men has a rude awakening where he realizes that he has had the wool pulled over his eyes.

So today we are going to talk about how to spot an attention whore from a mile away.

These telltale signs are there in every single case. The trick lies in not only recognizing them, but in having the mental and spiritual fortitude to act upon your realization and avoid the trap.

Comments

Anonymous's picture

Your last sentence is one word too long.

Kerry Parker 's picture

This article saves my time . It helped me to spot an attention-whore and gold digger .Thanks

Steven Gomez's picture

Attention I will assume lol

Azazel's picture

Thanks for the article as some parts on it have given me some insight

However I'd like to go off-topic by asking for any pieces on being interesting or non-boring ... this being through having engaging and interesting conversations as well as projecting a vibe which attracts people to you.

I believe this can not only help in my dating life but also on my social life, which I'm also working on.

Thank u

David Riley's picture

MTVida's picture

Thanks for the awesome article Colt.

Sometimes I come to GC looking for pointers on how to proceed in a certain situation. Sometime I know I messed up with a girl and I come here to help me figure out why and how I can do better next time.

This time was different. This time I had turned down a girl's New Years invitation. A part of me was kicking myself, saying that I should have accepted. Another part of me was telling me she was a time waster and that I had made a smart move.

After reading this article and putting a check mark by most of the points you list, I'm more certain now than ever that I made the right move.

Thanks again,
Montana

Anonymous's picture

Nice post Colt,
In one of Chase's earlier articles, he spoke about how a leader uses build em up humor instead of sarcasm and other forms of humor. Could you guys write a post which covers all of those things in depth? It would be very helpful.......:)

David Riley's picture

Hey Anon,

I'll let the writers know about your request.

Just Dave

Anonymous's picture

How would this work in the context of eHarmony? I was chatting with two girls, on track to start with a third (after going through the guided communication). I suggested to one girl that we meet, after exchanging eH mail for the past 3 weeks. She went cold, basically stopped writing back. This happened with another girl several months ago. I don’t know if it’s because they are just there for the attention or so socially inept that they just freak out when a guy like me wants to meet them in person (hence, why they are on eHarmony in the first place).

I had also just started exchanging eH mail with another, and she also went cold. This is very frustrating for me, not knowing why they go cold. I move fast and get slapped for it. I wonder too if it's because I live in the middle of nowhere. I "lie" in my location but mention I don't really live where my matches are in my profile so I have a hard time imagining they are dumping me because I too far (unless they just didn't read my profile until I mention keywords that indicate I actually live somewhere else). Are these girls just attention-whoring on eHarmony??

David Riley's picture

Hey Anon,

To answer your question yes some girls are on eH for the sake of conversation. Women get 100s of emails from possible suitors. They have guys giving them attention all over the place. These women love the attention and get drunk on it. Meaning there on eH for conversation and not to date. Women sometimes use dating sites as they would Facebook. They're just kind of using it as a place to hangout.

One thing I would suggest is not letting conversation linger on for three weeks. Moving fast still applies to online. I follow a three message rule. I don't message women on dating sites past three messages. If a woman is going to meet up with you, she'll meet up with you. There's no sense in building rapport over the internet. Save the rapport for meeting in person. Also, make sure to keep your messages brief and concise. As well as making sure she's putting in as much effort as you do. I would suggest messaging several women at a time. As well as using another dating site along with eH. This would help give you more options as far as online dating.

Hope that helps,

Just Dave

Huh's picture

I'm the guy and I do act like the girl you described.
For me it comes mostly from feeling overly insecure and lack of experience in anything.
For them maybe too.

Anonymous's picture

I wasted a hell of a lot of time on an attention whore. At first things were great, and I felt we were well suited; as time went on the small warning signs grew and grew, she was chatting to other guys ("as friends"), posting inappropriate pictures on her facebook (close ups of lips, cleavage etc) until I finally had enough and dumped her. She tried to say I was controlling and that she was allowed friends, but it was completely out of hand to the point she was leading on anyone wiling, including a few of my mates. Learn from my mistakes if possible guys, and go with your git instinct. can't change an attention whore

Rick's picture

So tired of wasting my energy writing and posting, and these sites abuse power and just because I’m telling the truth... females are ALL the exact same. All races. Especially young and attractive slim pretty sexy beautiful ones, white asian ..meaning not black. They’re all attention whores. Online especially. In person, exactly the same. NONE are women anymore. Im not talking about black females. Im not talking about fat females. Or females with kids.. Im talking about the attractive beautiful ones and outside of black. The slim, slender, nice body ones... and the young ones especially.. HORRIBLE horrible people. Jerks. Arrogant as hell. RUDE. Stuck up. Self centered. Selfish. Bad attitudes. Dumb. Incapable of changing until they’re fat and used up from all the dumb choices of guys they stupidly only know how to want and that chase them. Females are ALL the exact same and I’m so pissed there are no real women anymore. And I will never get to have what I wanted because of me being my skin color. Being a truly rare great guy and heart. And females being the way they just all are.. impossible, racist, arrogant, attention whores.

J's picture

Awesome post Colt. This article made me feel uneasy at times, because you speak the truth and I have most definitely been in a few of those situations before! Thanks for the reminders man, tricks will be tricks!

Anonymous's picture

Women like this are a complete waste of time. Stop trying to outsmart and out game them like this site talks about. Try ignoring them and going your own way. Hookup but never get into relationships with 98% of women in America. They can offer nothing but their vagina to a man. So why waste the time, money and emotion in a relationship when you can hookup? Duh!

Warrior 's picture

This article of yoyrs was very helpful!thank you
I was trapped from Months but now i know my way out
Thank you!
God bless you

Illiad's picture

This is an interesting post, and I want to add that the attention whore you speak of is not above doubling up on her chances for validation by finding that unsuspecting lesbian and throwing it her way too. I've encountered my share of these types as a lesbian woman and have usually been appalled that they often have boyfriends while they're doing "what they do." Got to admire their sense of efficiency in the main goal to add both sexes to the effort. Good grief. Anyway, thanks for the post!

Incog Nito's picture

Thank god someone mentioned about the attention whore leading on lesbians also. This exact situation is happening with a girl at work leading to a lesbian girl who has a long term gf right now. I'm new to the office and the attention whore was leading me on too majorly, even asking me out for drinks just by ourselves a couple of times (as she talked about other guys and messaged them constantly).
I've figured her out now and have started ignoring her as much as I can. The lesbian girl has become much nicer to me now she realises i'm not chasing the attention whore anymore. I kind of pity the lesbian girl cos the AH sits on her lap when they are out. Also, the lesbian girls actual gf hates the AH. And the AH thinks this is hilarious. The AH seems to have little or no empathy for people she hurts, actually thinking it's funny most of the time. Guys and girls. I wonder what a psychologist would think of girls like this.

ashleigh's picture

That was really well written. Thanks for the insight on how it's like gor a guy. I was trying yo work out if I was an attention whore or not and after reading this I definitely am but not as bad or horrible as some of the answers above. I just don't know what to really do from here.. I feel like I've been this way since childhood.. should I consider psych help? God.. i feel like an idiot for asking a male what I should do about my attention whoring.. but if you really took the time out to read all of that, then I'm assuming you've got some ideas on how to un-attention ehore the girl

Jimbo's picture

Not lead on guys you're not interested in would be a good start.

Dan da man's picture

Get some hobbies, sports and passions in your life. Thats why girls become attention whores its to fil an emotional void. Ask yourself, do I have any regular hobbies I engage in that im passionate about... I bet I know the answer

Jimbo's picture

Great description of the attention-whore there, Colt. But allow me to add a few things to the picture.

First of all, one has to understand that attention-whoring stems simply from a feeling of insecurity which prompts the woman to incite reactions of validation from her orbiters or guys interested in her thereby reassuring her of her worth or that she "still got it," and most of all, let people know of the attention she's getting (example: that girl showing Colt's text to every breathing soul that crosses her path.)

Now here's the thing. Not all attention-whoring is bad.

1. ATTENTION-WHORING (micro): This is the one you want to preempt. And the fullproof way to do that is the same way that's been brought up over and over again on this site: focus on results instead of reaction all the while keeping things moving. Compliance, escalation, moving fast, from the meet-up right to the bed. If she follows along, good; if she wants to keep things at the flirtation, insist a little, and if still not, move on. Simple. Even if she's with you just to make another guy jealous, she's gonna have to go all the way; otherwise, you're gonna have to do without me, bitch. So yeah, I'm sorry but if a guy remains attached to a girl that's leading him on FOR DAYS without even so much as a date, it's his fault, he deserves to be attention-whored, because that's the only way he's gonna learn. Stay focused, bro. Results, results, results.

Now if your girlfriend is attention-whoring, well, there isn't so much you can do about it other than going full Taliban on her ass. And going Taliban does work and most girls will like it, but there's only one problem: that's no life to live -- monitoring your female all the time, worrying where she goes, what she does every waking hour, suspecting anyone she interacts with, going through her wardrobe and making sure she dresses like a retired school teacher. Monitoring a woman like that takes way too much time and effort, it sucks the life out of you, especially in today's Western societies where everything is coed and women can go anywhere and do pretty much everything men can. I mean, if it were in Saudi for example, there State laws and society do half the job for you. But here it would make monitoring her a full-time job, not to mention all the drama this engenders. And here's the worst part: this won't even rid her of her attention-whoring; no, it will only shift it from her telling people how attractive and desirable she is (and showing it) to her complaining to everyone who wants to hear what a meanie her boyfriend is and to what lengths he's going to make sure she never ever strays or entice other men. She'll basically brag how she drove him nuts and possessive of her while coating the bragging in complaints about how much of a control freak he is (though don't worry, her girl friends will read the subtext loud and clear) and while secretly enjoying the whole thing.

It's a lose-lose brah.

So short of going Taliban, you'll either have to be the kind that's cool with it, who tolerates it, and who learns/knows how to ignore it, or you're not. I mean some guys just are, like that Kanye dude, his Kardashian wife of his is still attention-whoring on every media outlet under the sun on how she's losing her baby weight and how awesome her butt still is and whatnot. Yeah she is what she is, and the guy knew the deal and seems to live with it fairly well. But if you're the type that can't live with it, if the mere idea of her attention-whoring stresses you out, annoys you, or takes too much of your thoughts and energy, then you better dump her and not look back.

The third way to preempt attention-whoring at the micro level is to stop any girl right in her tracks when she starts talking about other guys and suchlike by either showing your blatant disinterest and boredom or actively changing the subject.

Now that's the micro. Micro is bad, if you don't preempt it that is.

2. ATTENTION-WHORING (macro): Now this one isn't that bad. It's attention-whoring on societal or impersonal level as opposed to the personal one. On a societal level, attention-whores are the salt of life: they're the chick in short shorts that passes by at the grocery store, they're that hot chick that somehow gained fame who keeps popping up in your newsfeed but still don't know wtf she does for a living and don't really care, they're the chick you flirt with, grind against, or even make out with when you already have a girlfriend you can go to at the end of the day and can do without the shagging.

On an impersonal level, i.e. when you're not looking to shag them or can do without it, attention-whores entertain you, they tease you, they provide you with eye candy and make life more colorful and enjoyable. But it should be kept in mind that attention-whores are only enjoyable and "good" at the macro level if you: a) know how to preempt attention-whoring at the micro level; b) are secure pussy-wise.

Ryan's picture

Ok. one very good question:

Imagine this picture:

a dude who has been unfortunate enough to have one of these attention whores around him whom he fancies a lot. He still goes out though and tries meeting other girls and does everything a single dude does.

- what would he gain by cutting all contacts with the attention whore? Or
- what would he lose by keeping in touch with her hoping something happens. If nothing happens what has he lost?

any opinions anyone?

Yolo's picture

- what would he gain by cutting all contacts with the attention whore?

Time and energy.

- what would he lose by keeping in touch with her hoping something happens. If nothing happens what has he lost?

Hoping is the worst thing you can do to yourself. She will be occupying space in your mind that should be allocated for more productive things. Take it from me dude, same thing happened to me and I thought I wasn't losing anything, but I was dead wrong. It got to the point where every time I interacted with her I felt like she took something from me but I couldn't put it into words. Then I realized, time and energy should not be spent foolishly. There is so much out there and so many girls that are actually worth your time. PLEASE, don't sell your sell short, you are better than that.

Cosmosis's picture

Ok, you just confirmed something that i already knew deep down in me and i thank you for that... Must say that my past experience with attention whores was minimal, but my overal experience with women is quite good and you just helped me to expand my experience even more and saved me great amount of time... Great article , and i wish you all a best of luck guys!!!

Joe 's picture

Thanks colt for this very helpful tips I've been a victim of attention whores the whole time, And now I became a mere shadow of my former self. I wish I had found this article long time ago but nonetheless it will others who aren't aware or simply naive of such "Attention Whore" stuff and love the quote in the end "You can't turn an attention whore into a house wife" Everything is well said, You'll definitely save lives out there especially to our brothers that are still in orbiter zone. Mean while a moment of silence for our brothers on the pity part and friendzone.
Merci encore

lonelyorbiter's picture

She cost me time, energy, emotion, and actual money. Flirted with me just enough, and allowed me to get just close enough to keep me coming back for more. Even let me sleep naked in bed next to her. Even cuddled a couple times. All the while covering her bases by insisting we were "just friends". I feel sorry for her current boyfriend, he seems like a good guy, and he has to put up with her constant parade of decently good looking guy friends at her beck and call. Not spending another penny on that whore

Taken4aRide's picture

Great article and i too have been caught in a "relationship" based solely on my giving copious amounts of attention and time and energy to a needy female. After reading the article and following posts, i realized something. I DON'T need the attention! I am secure socially and don't need other's praise for my own validation. She may need constant adoration but I really do not. I tired of her nonstop sickness for nothing but attention and threw in the towel. Freedom is a beautiful thing!

lonelyorbite's picture

Well, after following advice from Chase and other relationship coaches, I ignored Ms. attention whore and met a woman on a dating site, we've been seeing each other for 5 months now. She treats me right. She actually buys stuff for me (Wow! imagine that!) And the sex just keeps getting better. I have mostly overcome problems with ED and performance anxiety. Having a good compassionate woman that you talk/confide to and treat well can help immensely with that. She's on the heavy side but so the fuck what, the emotional upside is soooo worth it. Plus I'm acting as her personal trainer.

The best part is attention whole still tries to call and texts me at least a couple times a week. But I honestly don't want to have anything to with her, despite her having a hot bod. Good heart >>>>>> good body any day of the week. Bodies can be molded much easier than screwed up mind/souls.

Truth Is's picture

Attention Whores need attention real bad since they been very neglected in their life while they were growing up. The real problem is that these women are everywhere now unfortunately.

Bob's picture

I knew about attention whores going way back in high school. Got fooled once and never again. These types of women you just be a dick to. But the crazy part is some attention whores like negative attention also. They are extremely easy to spot, so my advice is to have not even engage in a convo that she starts and go find a non attention whore.

This was a great article, but the author threw me off by not just disregarding the attention whore he met. If you know the signs, why even humor her attention whoring skills?

Guy's picture

You wouldn't believe the histrionics this woman went through at the gym to get my attention. And it worked. Once I figured out she was just messing with me for the adoration, I began to avoid her. On those rare occasions we're there at the same time, she gives me the stink eye and flirts with a different guy. Unbelievably gorgeous (think Helen of Troy meets an MMA fighter) but I know I'm just another body to feed her need for attention. If only....

Jimbo's picture

Going by the title, I realize the former is part of the latter, but the reverse isn't always true. I'd the say the only giveaways here for an attention whore is #5, #7, and #8. The others seem to be just things girls tend to do.

All in all, good descriptions of these sneaky behaviors. As you say we've all been exposed to at least one of them.

Mike's picture

As much as I don't want to admit it, I'm beginning to think this girl is definitely an attention whore. There are so many signs on here that are proving true to what she has done in the past or is doing now. I started to realise that if I didn't talk to her then I wouldn't hear from her, so I stopped for about 2 months and suddenly she messages saying "I really miss you". Hook, line and sinker and she had me back, but now I've see the game she is playing and it's just pathetic. One of my best buds passed this year and it's been tough, sadly I don't think she cares enough to ask how I am doing, as it doesn't affect her tiny little world. I'd like to point out that she's been on and off with some guy and without him she would literally have nothing... No money, no friends, no way of getting around (he drives her everywhere), and pretty much no life. It's sad really.

AvoidingAttentionGirl's picture

Thanks for the advice. I need your advice regarding a similar situation that I am facing in my office: This is regarding my colleague who is seated just next to me and she always wants my attention. Whenever I am busy in my work, she always disturbs me by asking what am I doing. I tried my best to avoid her but the more I try to avoid her, the more she interrupts me in my work. And once I felt that she was interested in me as she even invited myself along with a couple of other team mates for a lunch at a restaurant the next day. And guess what happened...she did not turn up on that day to the office. But the next day she comes to the office as if nothing has happened and she gives some stupid excuse for her absence. I cant change my working place as the place where I sit is where all my team sits and my work requires constant interaction with other colleagues. Please adivce. Thanks!

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