Confidence

We’ve all asked the question “How can I make the most of my looks?”, and today I’m going to tell you a bit about how you can do that without adjusting your fashion sense or wardrobe.

I’m going to tell you how your appearance is impacted by what you do and who you appear to be.

Looks are not as cut and dry as model versus normal guy. They DO change according to your mood, what you are doing, and the chemistry you have with different people.

You should never just immediately assume the worst, and that you aren’t attractive, because things are much more flexible than we typically think they are.

The good news is, people will always find attractive things about you if you are being personally magnetic, so it is actually impossible for people to not find good things about you if you are engaging. The way to be engaging, summed up in a word, is to be self-positive, because the more positive you are to yourself the more positive your disposition to the world. That is something that cannot be faked, and therefore is an honest indicator that shows women the presence of the strong traits that they actually LOOK FOR in men.

This also works the other way, because objective looks nosedive when a person is in a bad mood. So don’t feel too bad for yourself; other people get a rough deal at times too, and you can get a good deal for yourself if you are diligent in your self-improvement and outlook.

It is a common problem: you didn’t make a move and now you are stuck between a rock and a hard place where the girl loses interest and things start to fall to pieces.

So how do you keep that from happening?

Simple: you make the move.

Maybe that seems like a too-simple answer, and maybe it is, but if you can’t make your moves work when the occasion demands you do, then why sit around convincing a girl that “one day” you will be able to?

The truth of it is that if you can’t get it working at the start, you will usually be left with only one direction things can go: downhill.

If you can’t make up a good move on the spot, you probably won’t come up with a good move later... you’ll just linger around wishing you did something and get into a destructive thought loop that will stop you from making up a new move that would work.

The secret to not overthinking making the move is to realise that the action is first won in the mind before it is acted out confidently in real life. And it is won in the mind by establishing a habit of action. And if that action doesn’t exist, then it is won by having nerves of steel, and hopefully a creative spark that will take you somewhere.

Selfishness has never been a glorified trait among humanity. Caring chiefly about one’s own needs is frequently named as one of the greatest threats to society and causes of degeneration and degradation within it.

After all, a selfish man is supposed to be a guy who offers nothing to society. He’s nothing but some leech that cares about himself, and he’ll go to great lengths just to put down others so he can stay on top.

…Right?

Au contraire. Used in the wrong capacity, sure, selfishness could certainly hurt others. However, being selfish, in of itself, is not bad. Thinking about it as a negative trait, however, may certainly be introducing a daily dose of cognitive dissonance to your life.

Such dissonance comes to the fore as you finally realize the inevitable fact that everyone has selfish tendencies.

We all aim to promote ourselves first, followed by others. Throw a big steak in front of you while you’re starving, and have the option to leave it there for someone else or die, and you’re eating that steak.

Survival is coded into our biology.

However, society promotes the idea that leaving the steak would be more admirable. Promoting ourselves over others is bad, and we should instead seek to help others over ourselves.

The conflict between society’s vaunted ideal of selflessness versus your biological desire to tend to your own needs mounts and builds, and eventually people are left attempting to help each other become better, but never helping themselves become better, even though they are the only ones who can do so.

And that, my friends, leads us in a perfect circle of solving nothing.

Experiences shape every moment of your life. From the moment you are born, you adjust to things based on everything you’ve seen and everything you’ve done.

Such an important part of our lives – the way we interpret our surroundings – is not so well understood.

Hardly any attention is focused on figuring out how to define our realities, as such vexing questions have been asked by philosophers for years, only resulting in deeper and deeper riddles.

Understanding basic reality doesn’t have to be a difficult problem if you accept that you do, in fact, encounter experiences daily.

And, when you encounter these experiences, regardless of their origin, you understand that these experiences shape your entire reality, because they are the only tangible, measurable entity that you encounter on a daily basis.

If you believe that experiences shape and dictate your life, it makes sense that gaining knowledge about how this process works will further enhance your reality. In order to uncover the treasures that lay beneath, you must first break them down into simple, digestible components.

One of the things that’s bizarre for me to read among all many of the comments, emails, and forum posts from new guys just discovering Girls Chase or who’ve mostly just been reading occasionally but not putting into practice is the prevalence of the “this girl or this group or this environment is TREMENDOUSLY important and I can’t mess it up” mentality.

It’s been ages since I’ve had a mentality like that... but I can relate. I felt that way often in high school, and at times after in university. Once I dialed down my involvement with social circles and began approaching women, that feeling went away and never came back.

I was free.

At the same time, I led a more rewarding social life than just about anyone I knew – my hands full with pretty girls, and all the cool / admirable / successful male friends I could want.

Why would anybody leave themselves in such restrictive conditions that they felt like achieving one specific outcome with one tiny group of people was life or death?

We discussed this re: girls a guy might be obsessing over in “Can’t Stop Thinking About Her? Here’s Why You Need to Meet More Girls”... but it goes deeper than this, too; both with women, and with freedom in general.

We only have as much freedom as we allow ourselves, you see.

A reader writes in:

“Hey Girls Chase, I'm finding these articles to be quite eye opening. You guys seem to really get what's happening as opposed to other people out there who try to help guys with this stuff.

I think I'll finally be able to put myself together for a social life with your guidance.

I have a question. I haven't left my family's house, and I'm 27 years old. I have spent a long time in my life struggling with my own self-image and trying to figure out what it takes to have a life where I'm respecting myself. I said I'd be brief. So I'll just get right to it.

Is it possible for me to be attractive to women and get a social life? I'm not looking for sympathy. I just want to know how I should feel about my circumstances. I've always been shunned in school growing up and don't really have a deep positive impression of human beings. I've only ever had one girlfriend and long story short she was ugly and entitled. I know how to be civil and polite. I know how to feel happy, I can empathize with other people, but I don't know how to make people want to be a part of my life. Thankfully, there's more to me than this sob story.

I've been working out and reading a lot of this type of stuff and it's been helping me to be better noticed and better treated by members of the opposite sex. I'm determined to change my life but the girls are looking at me NOW. I'm about more than just “nothing”. Isn't there a way I can dive into sex and relationships?

Does me currently living with my mother and father automatically disqualify me from using the stuff I learn on your website on women and possibly experience the benefits? I've seen some SEXY women eyeing me and drawing close and the battle in my head is always the same. “You don't know what to tell her.” So I say to myself, “I'll learn” but then my head pull out the ol' “mama's boy still lives with his mama and daddy”.

Does it matter? If it does, how much does it matter? I have a feeling I'll find the answer to that soon enough as I read. I tried looking on your site for an article about this and the search turned up empty. So why not tell me what you think? If I still live with my parents will it get in the way of hooking up with or starting something regular with a girl I'd really like?

Thanks for your help

Jonathan”

Sounds very familiar.

This is something that I ran into quite often in the past. I thought it’d always be a good idea to put off doing things until later. I’d learn how to get better with women later on. I’d wait until I finally got to the point where I felt “sexy” enough to start approaching women. I’d put off improving my fundamentals so that I could fix something else in my life.

Eventually, I ended up becoming a huge procrastinator, and only ended up working on those things when I finally got so fed up with myself that I had to do something to dull the pain of failure.

It all started with excuses popping into my head, saying that I’d be better off doing things later. But, like most things that I put off until later, they just never got done. I never became better at seduction simply by thinking to myself, “I’ll do it later”. I only got better when I took action.

If you’ve spent any amount of time learning pickup, then you know that you’re bound to make countless mistakes. We’ve all been through the same exact process, as you need to make mistakes in order to make progress.

Progression is necessary to finally get the results that you want. Progression, however, comes at a different pace for different people.

Some men progress through this material at a lightning fast pace, going from zero to hero within mere months.

... meanwhile, others, while exerting similar or even greater effort towards becoming attractive men who are irresistible to women, are just not getting the results they desire.

What is the primary difference between these men? The man who progresses quickly doesn’t make the same mistake twice, while the man who is stuck continues to make the same exact mistakes over and over again. As a result, he feels marooned on an ideological island with no escape.

How do you become the man that doesn’t make the same mistake twice? How do you bolt through this material and rack up lay after lay, shocking even your closest friends with the rapid progression you’ve made? I could just tell you to not make the same mistakes twice. But I know that there is more to the puzzle, as most guys are boggled when it comes to avoiding making these mistakes over and over again.

You see, most guys just don’t know when or how they’ve made a mistake. They can feel that something is wrong, but it’s very difficult to pinpoint the exact cause of the mistake. Without knowledge of how the mistake came about, you’re just throwing darts in the dark, trying to yank some progress kicking and screaming out of your unknown mistakes.

It’s time to turn on the lights so that you can finally get the results that you've been dreaming of.