Confidence

How confidence affects results with women, and how to get your confidence, boldness, and "inner game" tightened up and running smoothly.

How to Look Good Bald (and be Handsome as Hell)


There are many articles on the internet about how to get a haircut that suits you. Well that’s great for people with hair, but I know from personal experience that there are a lot of balding men out there and there are almost no articles out there on how to look good bald... and pull off the sexy and bald look.

how to look good bald

I decided to write this because I know how it feels to start losing your hair. Earlier this year I started shaving my head completely bald and I’m pulling more girls bald than I ever did with hair. This guide will enumerate the three must do’s to capitalize on your lack of hair situation and turn it into a strength.

But first we have to talk about a decision you need to make.

The Pickup Catch-22 of Ambiguous Value


In a thread on the discussion boards about negative mindsets, a forum member named Black writes:

But when I have to take action there’s this feeling:

- I have absolutely NOTHING to offer her.

- I have NOTHING to say to her.

- She’ll be creeped out just for me going out of my way to say anything to her. It’s crazy I’m showing my face anywhere at all to begin with.

- She may have accepted to hang out with me – but sex is completely out of her mind (because of this I stalled things with girls that were saying we should “hang out” sometime; they ended up dating another guy a week later).

- She will make a scene if I go in for the kiss, ask her out or try to lead her to a hotel; then she will tell everyone we know if it’s social circle (even if it does happen to a small extent, almost no one seems to care).

ambiguous value

You might think it’s just you when you’re just kicking off, but this is actually a surprisingly normal set of thoughts/emotions to encounter before you approach a girl (when you’re new).

It’s due to something I’d call ‘ambiguous value’, and the doubts you’ll have surrounding yourself because of it.

And it’s not even just a ‘meeting new girls’ thing... although that’s the context we’ll discuss it in today.

Take More Action


Quick post. Taking action.

One of our members on the discussion boards wrote about being depressed and not knowing what to do. My response to him was brief:

To build on what Ray said... start cranking the handle.

Whether you’re lifting weights in the air, writing pages for your next book, or talking to a pretty girl, it’s pretty tough to feel bad about yourself when you’re in action.

It’s when you’re sitting still twiddling your thumbs that all the bad thoughts creep in and take over.

Want fewer bad thoughts? Spend more time in action instead of thumb-twiddling.

Chase

A second reader followed up my post and asked me to write more on taking action.

So here it is.

Know Thyself: Context, Certainty, and Projection


The Ancient Greek philosophers had it figured out two and a half thousand years ago: you should know yourself. But fast forward to today and there’s no shortage of modern men who know nothing about themselves. These men are not going after what they want, because they don’t know their own desires. They suffer from self-perceptions that are stunted or warped, and they can’t be sure of themselves. Perhaps worst of all, men without self-knowledge question and doubt themselves – especially when they fail with women.

know-thyself-2

In Part 1, I showed how failing to know yourself will hold back your progress with women. In this article, I’ll talk about some strategies for learning about yourself. But more importantly, I’ll explain the principles behind the pursuit of self-knowledge. Once you understand these, you’ll be able to advance your self-knowledge, explore and strengthen your character, and, ultimately, triumph with women.

How to Develop True Self-Control as a Man


I couldn’t wait to get my driver’s license when I was 16, and before my 17th birthday I got my dream job as pizza delivery boy. On my second night of work in Mississauga, Ontario (a suburb of Toronto), I got fired.

I went to an address with a pizza. As I approached the door, I could hear the pounding bass and the hoots and hollers of the people inside. I knocked on the door, and when it opened, a bunch of happy young people burst out practically on top of me, followed closely by thick wafts of tobacco and weed.

A cute girl about 3 years my senior (19 – LOL) tried to pass me a beer over the shoulder of the dude who was facing me and counting the money for the extra large… It was cold outside, so I suggested they let me step inside while they figured out the money and I could drink the beer (Canada and the USA have some of the most draconian public drinking laws imaginable and, ironically but not surprisingly, a huge problem with public drinking).

self-control

Someone passed me a joint. I found myself on a couch with a beer in one hand, a slice of pizza in the other, and the cute 19 year old on my knee giving me a “supertoke”. One thing led to another, and I was shocked and appalled to see how angry my boss was the next night when I went back to the pizza parlour asking if I could work again. I was fired on the spot. Logically I understood why, but I still resented it; why couldn’t I have fun AND have a job I love? Does life always have to be a tradeoff between doing what’s best for you and doing what you love to do?

As I get older, I’ve started to become more aware of the value of self-control.

Self-control is simply the ability to resist urges when it’s profitable for you to do so. It is the strength to put all things into priority and context. It would have taken only slightly more player skill to look at the host and the 19 year old girl and everyone else in that party in the eyes and tell them that I WOULD be back in 2 hours as soon as my shift was done, and if they would save me some booze and weed I would bring more pizza. How hard is that? I was already in with them. It was difficult because I had no self-control, no sense of timing, and no healthy view of context.

According to Napoleon Hill, author of the Think and Grow Rich, men learn self-control in one of two ways:

  1. Their sex drive diminishes, usually with age but sometimes prematurely due to bad health or injury

  2. They learn to sublimate their sex drive to higher thinking and purpose

Hill wasn’t talking about abstinence, he was talking about the correct sequence of profitable action. In a nutshell, if you’re feeling “frisky”, Hill wants you to do productive work FIRST, before turning to the opposite sex. Consistently doing so, Hill says, means your results in all areas of life will skyrocket.

Underlying my desire to risk my job to be close to a woman was an extremely high sex drive. Well into my 40s now, I find it challenging to go a full 24 hours without an orgasm and ejaculation at least once a day. It was 3, 4, even 5 times a day, for DECADES.

Don’t get me wrong – I was as unsuccessful with women as they come back when I was 16, but I was also very much a “natural”, something I did not fully appreciate about myself until well into my 30s.

Being Present in a Seduction: the Dream of the Road


It is late at night, your hands wrap around the wheel, the car eases out onto an endless stretch of highway. The road hums beneath you. Your breath is slow... In... And out... Your eyes are clear and steady as things come and go. You tune out the need to "get where you are going" and you just drive.

dream-of-the-road

Life in that moment is just a sequence of breaths and subtle adjustments, and you never feel out of place or "off the mark". Your mind extends out into the horizon, and you lie in wait, perfectly ready.

Sometimes when we talk about women we get too focused on what is supposed to be happening that we forget how good it feels to not have to do a thing and just remain on target.

Fear Can Teach You but He Cannot Protect You


The other day I was sitting in the car with my mom, discussing a recent traumatic experience and its effects on my psyche. At some point in the conversation, I lost my calm and hit the car door in my rage. I immediately recognized my mistake and soothed my mind with some quick meditation. After swallowing my chill pill, we discussed my life-long struggle with aversion.

She conjured many anecdotes of my angst, whether it was yelling at kids over Xbox Live or getting 2nd place in a Tae Kwon Do tournament. Of all destructive emotions, anger is my closest and most poisonous friend.

fear

To rid myself of this friend, we then brainstormed the cause of my anger and my mother proposed a theory, saying to me, “Hector, anger is a sign that you’re afraid. Animals only lash out in anger when they’re afraid of something....”

As my mind reeled, she followed with a question, “Hector, what are you afraid of?”

The Seduction Triangle


Note from Chase: this is a guest post from John Turner, one of our senior discussion board members who posts under the handle TheDoctor. In this post on the “seduction triangle”, John applies a sales tool called the “sales triangle” to the world of dating and seduction. Here’s John.


When I was starting out in sales, I knew a few of the various sales techniques, had read a lot of theory, and I was pretty confident that I would be able to adapt at an excelled rate. So it wasn’t long before I knew my product in and out and was able to overcome objections quickly and efficiently.

I was sure I’d be a selling machine, but the truth is, I performed very… OK. That was it. Just “OK”. A lot of my prospects would vanish, deals would fall through, and I had an impossible time hitting my budgeted numbers.

What was I doing wrong?

I analyzed absolutely every part of my “sales game” and came up short as to the missing link. I knew it was not my lack of knowledge about the product, nor was it that I was unfamiliar with the tactics of the sales process.

I went crazy trying to figure it out, and I knew I was over-complicating it. It was then that I came upon a sales idea I had not heard of before:

How to Develop Charisma as an Introvert


A girl once said the following about me to a mutual friend:

“You know, the best things about Darius are his deep cuts and his charisma.”

I must say, I was a little surprised. Not about the deep cuts part – since college I was known to wear buttoned shirts with an extra open button and I’ve always preferred V-necks over crew necks on tees.

Quick off topic tip: It works and it’s hot. If you’re of shorter stature be careful though, as it might mess up your upper body proportions and visually make you look shorter.

The part that I was surprised about was that she called me charismatic. You see, I’ve never been the talkative, outgoing, life of a party kind of guy, and back when it was said it was even more obvious than it is now.

Nonetheless, in her eyes I was charismatic.

introvert charisma

What’s interesting is that after that conversation I did indeed start working, at first indirectly, on further developing this quality – though “quality” might not be the best word to describe charisma. As you’ll see in this article, it would be more appropriate to call it a skill than a quality of your character.

As I got better at managing charisma, interesting things started to happen:

  • I would relatively easily find new groups and friends during my nights out (it’s not uncommon by the end of the night to realize that the group I’m currently having fun with, who are inviting me to after parties and the like, consist only of people I don’t really know)

  • Guys often will buy me shots and ask to drink with them (happens less frequently with women, but that’s expected)

  • And people in general seem eager to open up and share their stories.

For example, last time I was out, after ordering my drink, an unknown guy walked up and asked me to join his company of four ladies on the dance floor.

I’m sure I don’t need to explain that, not only does this makes nights out more pleasurable in general and puts you in a very positive state of mind, it also makes the subsequent steps of seduction easier (but don’t be fooled, you still need to make things happen).

With this introduction I first would like to refer you to another article, written by Ricardus, The 3 Things to Know If You Want to Be Charismatic, in which he brilliantly covers the core parts of what makes a man charismatic and how to be one.

I would like to urge you to read that piece first and then come back here, as in my article I would like to focus more on the specifics and strategies you can employ to develop your charisma and do this, even if you’re not a particularly outgoing guy.

Improve Every Aspect of Your Game Through Testosterone Optimization


Note from Chase: this is a guest post from Ben Harrison of Eat, Sleep, Grow, Repeat. Ben's article is on how to optimize your testosterone levels and shoot your results with women through the roof. Here's Ben...


Your outer-game is incredible? Your fashion sense is dialed in and your openers are eloquent creations of mastery? Everywhere you walk you leave a wake of construction; the construction of a social lifestyle that attracts a consistent stream of attractive women into your life.

How about your inner-reality, or what you may be familiar with as inner-game? You're internal reality is perhaps a veritable landscape of quality and vision seen only here before via the works of Lorenzo Gian Bernini, or perhaps you see it as more of a fantastical baroque mosaic creation à la Genoese Giovanni Battista Gaulli. You consider your inner game to be on point.

testosterone

On the other hand, perhaps you are newly immersing yourself into a social lifestyle. The technicalities and models of inner and outer game are perchance yet ambiguous terrain for you.

Whichever camp you reside in, there is something even more innate and internal which will optimize every aspect of your game; a mechanism within our very cells which may greatly enhance confidence, banish approach anxiety, and also fear of ambiguous escalation windows; a chemical balance of body and mind that provides the burning desire to persist and succeed in ones outcomes when dealing with the gauntlet of challenges that social interactions provide. Above all else, it should be recognized that it is possible to greatly proliferate your motivation to take action and your intrinsic desire to succeed in all areas of life.

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