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Confidence

How confidence affects results with women, and how to get your confidence, boldness, and "inner game" tightened up and running smoothly.

How to Demand Respect, Pt 4: Direct and Indirect Disrespect

indirect disrespect
Others can disrespect you in both direct and indirect ways. Each requires a different strategy to deal with properly.

Welcome back. We’ve finally made it to the rough and dirty part.

To get here, we first had to accept that the self is everything and you should love yourself with godlike pride.

In part 2, we examined some myths surrounding pride.

Then in part 3, we covered how to spot disrespect in its different forms.

Now it’s time to explore when and how to take action and demand respect.

How to Demand Respect, Pt 2: The 3 Myths of Pride

myth of pride
There’s a myth in various spheres that pride is wrong. Yet a man who cannot project and protect his pride is a man others cannot respect.

People love telling others to be less egotistical, selfish, rude, arrogant, etc.

Why?

Simple.

If one can convince another to adopt their moral framework, their worldview wins. It dominates. It’s quite gratifying to convert someone to a cause. The dominator now knows how the dominated will act – he can predict their moves and manipulate them. It also reinforces his own worldview. If enough people believe something, others are far more likely to buy into it.

Moral policing is about power and nothing else.

The most pervasive of moral policing, besides outright calling someone evil – the ultimate nuke of moral superiorityis to call someone prideful.

The implied argument behind the shaming is that pride is bad.

Sure, self-respect is good, they say, but don’t be prideful. That’s wrong.

But as I covered in part 1 of this series, the self is everything; thus, respecting yourself, or pride, is your foremost drive in this life. No matter what you try to do or try to believe, it will always be tied to the self.

And if the self is everything, there is no distinction between pride and self-respect. You cannot have enough of something that is potentially infinite.

That’s like saying you can have too much money or pussy. The only people saying that are those with little, or those who have a lot but don’t want you to have it, too. Because if it was bad, why do they still have all that money and pussy?

Those looking to control you would have you believe there is such a thing as too much self-respect.

This is a Machiavellian tactic used by the weak or the powerful but scared.

The strong do not criticize others for being arrogant, unless their primary social tactic is subterfuge. This is mainly used by intermediate-level sociopaths. Convince others they’re prideful, that they should lower their guards – then strike. Genius, actually. It’s so clever in fact that it’s convinced entire nations to stop being prideful in their culture and heritage, to feel guilt for their greatness. They were convinced of the Myth of Pride, that pride is bad.

I will now tackle the three biggest myths that are derived from the false claim that pride is bad. These three have many permutations, so by covering these, I cover almost all misconceptions about pride. The Trinity of Falsity.

The Beginner's Quick Start Guide to Picking Up Girls and Dating

picking up girls
This guide lays out the major stages and steps to focus on for anyone new to picking up girls and dating women. Use it to get up and running fast.

Most of the boot camps I’ve held in my career as a dating coach have been with guys who were fairly weathered in their journey to success with women. But last week I found myself coaching a fresh-to-the-game kind of guy. Going out with me was among the first times he had ever gone out to approach women. But I was so used to dealing with guys who had at least some inkling of what success with women meant that I found myself utterly at a loss for words when it came to coaching someone this new.

That experience inspired me to write this article, in which I seek to not only give better advice to my student, but to provide something for anyone who is looking to make seduction a part of their lives. It’s something to help you avoid some of the pitfalls that made people like myself stumble back when we were new to learned success with women.

Going Out Momentum: Hot Streaks and Cold Streaks

going out hot streak
As you go out to talk to girls, you will come into hot streaks… and stumble into cold ones. This article is about why that happens.

I have on multiple occasions written about momentum as it relates to seduction. It’s one of those underlying mechanisms that profoundly affects your vibe, mindset, and results with women.

Today I will focus on some pickup theory that will help you make sense of the “unlearning mechanism” that takes place in your journey. I’ll discuss why many can experience some negative momentum after a positive streak. In fact, I will explore how there is an equilibrium effect at work that balances things out.

Momentum is the overall state of mind in which you find yourself during a period of time that snowballs and affects your results moving forward. Positive momentum denotes a good state of mind, which in turn, results in a sexier vibe. You get onto a hot streak. Negative momentum, however, generates a negative state of mind, giving you an unsexy vibe. You slide into a cold streak.

Momentum can snowball in a positive or a negative direction. For instance, if you approach three girls and they all seem receptive to you, positive momentum is created and your vibe becomes sexier and more attractive. If you get rejected harshly three times in a row, the momentum works the opposite way.

The example above is a case of what I have referred to as micro momentum. It’s the momentum that affects you on a micro level – during a night out, for example.

Macro momentum, on the other hand, takes into account the bigger picture – the overall momentum over a longer period of time. For instance, some of you may have noticed how summer holidays tend to be more wild. You may rack up lays during the summer, feeling like a true god of seduction. Things may even start to seem too easy and straight forward. And you feel this way until you experience some disruption in macro momentum. Let’s say that during the winter you may, for whatever reason, have less success with women or find it very difficult to meet new women. You then develop a case of negative macro momentum.

How to Demand Respect from Others, Pt 1: The Self Is Everything

demand respect
If you want respect, you must be able to demand respect. The first part of this, however, is to realize you will never destroy your ego – so you might as well work with it.

There is an undercurrent of pseudo-philosophical thinking in the manosphere and the seduction community that needs to be revealed for what it is.

I have also been guilty of allowing this false thinking. This is as much a self-correction as it is a monumental criticism that strikes at the heart of many a grandmaster’s conclusion.

I call it the Egolessness Fallacy.

It is the fallacious thinking that having no ego is the best way to succeed with women.

The thinking goes as such: “Without an ego, where is thy sting, rejection?” There is no one there to be rejected.

This is *very* close to truth, but that which is closest to truth but not truth is the most devious lie.

I reckon this is how the falsity was woven.

If you go far enough in any skill, you will learn how to learn. You will learn how you learn, which means you’ll come to know how emotions affect you, stick with you, and how your thinking works.

The journey of seduction is perhaps one of the most direct paths to learning oneself, save for meditation, since you are the subject who is both acting and being evaluated. In any sport, you are the one carrying the ball or kicking the ball, yes, but the end goal is something impersonal. The other team or your team gets scored on. You are somewhat detached from the loss or victory (though it doesn’t always feel that way, of course).

With game, however, the woman has to accept you for there to be victory.

Furthermore, victory is mutual. You get pussy and she gets cock. You both win.

This means you are not so focused on the other person losing as you are with a traditional sport; you’re instead focused on two paradoxical outcomes.

You need her to want to submit to you.

However, the paradox is revealed when you consider that a woman does not submit to her equal or subordinate. It doesn’t make sense. She wants to submit, but she doesn’t win by submitting to a man who can’t make her submit.

One could be equitable and argue you need to be more dominant than her, but in practicality, this is going to look and feel like you are greater than her. Philosophize all you want, you must be her superior if you want to have sex fast.

You > her.

Don’t see the paradox yet? Alright, here it is.

How to Use "Grand Master Style" to Rack Up Scads of Lays

GM style
GM style: a crass, irreverent, and utterly hilarious way to make women horny, excited... and ready to hop in bed quick.

In 1999, an American expat in Paris named Nathan Szilard commented online about a talented natural seducer in a bar he kept running into:

There’s that guy -- looks like an heroin addict, looks fortyish (but might be younger), dressed in black and/or like shit, skinny, tall, wrinkled, never smiles ... and gets laid like a rock star.

One day, at that bar – the same place Nathan always spied this guy – he chatted up a pair of girls. Suddenly, the guy showed up, flashed Nathan an amused grin, and swooped in to talk with the cuter of Nathan’s two girls.

Two minutes in, the guy asked someone for a pen and paper and took the girl’s phone number.

Five minutes in, Nathan excused himself to the washroom... and walked in on the guy and his girl making out with their hands all over each other.

Impressed and amazed, Nathan dubbed this guy the ‘Grand Master’... or ‘GM’ for short. And over the next year or so, Nathan Szilard befriended and worked to decipher the game of this guy he dubbed ‘GM’.

Note: If you are a beginner dater, probably don’t try to use GM style. You risk awkward creepiness if you botch your delivery. Focus on less edgy stuff first. For the more advanced guys (or the still-curious beginners), read on...

One of Nathan’s earliest analyses of GM style was this:

Hm trying to recollect what I forgot to mention in my earlier post.

He makes it clear right away that he wants sex. He explained it to me. He does not really understand what is going on, me thinks.

He does not compliment.

I explained him the concept of neg hit; he disagreed ... YET HE DOES IT ALL THE TIME. Well, it’s not NEGs, it’s more like ‘vannes’ as I explained once, that’s to say, taking the piss on her. So he fucked that German yesterday, and before that, made a few (light) jokes about Germans, then ‘apologized’ by hugging/kissing her.

He takes every opportunity to go kino [touch]. I’ve already mentioned that.

He claims that he does not act the same with every woman. I asked him about some place that’s packed with model-types full-bitch-shielded types, how do you handle that I asked, and he said, “You don’t get it, you don’t do the same thing there, I’ll explain you later.”

He asks boring questions, name, job, then joke on it, and when I say JOKE, I mean FUCKING LAME jokes.

To a German: “you speak German really well!”
To a Japanese: “you speak Japanese really well!”
To an Italian: “you speak Italian really well!”

Original, heh? And on top of that he said it several times to the same girl. “You really speak German well! LOL “.

For a time, Grand Master style (or GM style), a method of strong sexual direct jokes, chase frames, and sexual intent, became one of the most popular methods in the pick up artist (PUA) community, alongside Mystery Method and Gunwitch Method.

These days it’s largely forgotten.

But it shouldn’t be. It’s a different, fresh, and highly irreverent approach to bedding girls in a hurry – and the Grand Master still has lots to teach.

Your Desires Are an Unmatched Tool to Motivate and Seduce

desire in seduction
Desire – your real desire – is a deep motivating force, and immensely attractive to the opposite sex. Tap into it and use it well, and you can do the near-impossible.

I received some very positive feedback from my article on the Interest-Preference-Desire model. If you haven’t read that, I suggest going back and taking a peek, because as a follow-up on that model, today I’m going to dive deeper into what “desire” is and how it affects our lives.

Desire is not only applicable to the process of seduction and attracting women, it plays a key role in the pursuit of our goals and how we live – specifically, the choices we make.

In the last article, I concluded that among the concepts of interest, preference, and desire, desire is the ultimate tool that actually results in committed action. There’s greater nuance when it comes to desire, because desire itself can be more fluctuating and relative. Some people never experience a constant desire for something long term, while others desire an outcome so badly that they continue to chase the desire even after it’s already been fulfilled multiple times.

What gives?

I’ll break this down in a hopefully easy-to-digest form, but do keep in mind that there is a lot of psychology and philosophy involved when it comes to desire.

"Girls Only Want Good-Looking Guys or Young Guys"

girls only want young guys
The most attractive thing to women is neither youth nor beauty. So why do so many guys think girls only want good-looking guys or young guys?

Okay, I want to talk about the “girls only date good-looking guys” or “girls only date young guys” thing. I have more intellectual articles against these positions and I’ll share them with you in a moment. But intellectual arguments aren’t always the best way to get the message across, especially when guys are deep in a certain viewpoint.

First let me share a comment from a reader of my “When Do You Get Too Old to Party or Meet Girls?” article from last week:

Keep deluding yourself that youll be more attractive to women as you get older. I have never heard a younger woman say Kevin Spacy or Sean Connery was “hot.” Only older women. Women in the past had to settle down with older men because they didnt have the means of supporting themselves. Thats it. If she had the choice and the income theres no way she would choose him over a younger guy. Plus, do you think its right that older men had relationships and children with teenage girls? Its a pretty messed up system because a girl hasnt even lived her life, and you know if the girl could support herself theres no way she would go for that older man6. Girls go for older men because of convenience, not because of attraction.

To which I responded with a screen grab of a bunch of young chicks swooning over Old Man Connery on Yahoo Answers, plus a picture of Sean having a merry laugh:

Sean Connery sexy to younger women

There are loads of men everywhere, including in the West, which is an environment more shifted in favor of younger men than anywhere else on Earth, who remain very attractive to younger women even into quite old age. And there are loads of men everywhere, including in the West, which is an environment more shifted in favor of good-looking men than anywhere else on Earth, who are very attractive to women despite plain or terrible faces. This is undeniable. The only way you can pretend these men don’t exist is if you plug your ears and shut your eyes and make loud noises to yourself every time one of these guys crosses your path.

But this willful blindness/ignorance guys engage in about this subject runs deeper than just “I don’t think that ever happens or if it does it must be super rare.” It’s actually about guys with zero or very little experience with women, who do not understand women, trying to tell men with lots of experience with women who understand women very well that actually those men have no idea what they are talking about and in fact women are actually some other way.

The guys who say stuff like this are never guys you would take woman advice from in the real world. From 30 feet away you can tell these guys don’t do well with girls and don’t understand them.

I’m not trying to pick on these guys. There are a lot of men who don’t understand women, and it’s always been that way historically. Women are hard to fathom. This entire website is dedicated to helping men who don’t understand women come to have a better understanding of them.

But when you get guys who do not understand women trying to talk about how they know women so well and that actually all these things that are commonplace things that happen with women are in fact impossible and never happen, you get this weird bizarro world perspective on dating emanating from certain corners of the male sectors of the Internet.

And we need to talk about that.

The Problem with Gaming Girls You Don't Like

girls you don't like
It’s good practice to chat up girls you aren’t much into. But what happens when your ego gets involved? You mustn’t let girls you don’t want affect you.

I had a bit of a breakthrough recently. It was almost childish that this was a lesson I hadn’t truly integrated into my psyche, though I’ve understood it conceptually for the longest time. Hell, it was a flaw that I had fixed in a few of my coaching clients, to their benefit, but I thought I had moved past it.

‘Tis the blinding power of pride. You think you know something because you understand it backwards and forwards, but it’s a very different thing to know something on the cellular level – to feel it.

What was this lesson?

Don’t game girls you don’t really like.

Seems simple enough, right? Duh.

But not so quick... let’s set some groundwork.

If You Want to Do Well with Girls, Fundamentals are Everything

fundamentals are everything
Your game and your mindsets (inner game) are important. But the only thing women see and experience firsthand is your fundamentals.

This is one of my axioms of game. I consider it true on a biblical level.

Game is fundamentals.

Traditionally, we think of fundamentals as that which attracts bitties.

Your face. Your fashion. Your muscles. Your walk. Your voice.

These get your foot in the door. She’s interested enough to give you a hint that she wants to talk, be it a smile or a prolonged stare, and she’ll give you a good shot once you approach.

Afterwards, you spit game and try to amplify the already established attraction into arousal and lead her to bed.

Fundamentals get her interested. Game gets you inserted.

How are they equal, then?