Confidence

How confidence affects results with women, and how to get your confidence, boldness, and "inner game" tightened up and running smoothly.

When Should You Start? Right NOW


A reader writes in:

Hey Girls Chase, I'm finding these articles to be quite eye opening. You guys seem to really get what's happening as opposed to other people out there who try to help guys with this stuff.

I think I'll finally be able to put myself together for a social life with your guidance.

I have a question. I haven't left my family's house, and I'm 27 years old. I have spent a long time in my life struggling with my own self-image and trying to figure out what it takes to have a life where I'm respecting myself. I said I'd be brief. So I'll just get right to it.

Is it possible for me to be attractive to women and get a social life? I'm not looking for sympathy. I just want to know how I should feel about my circumstances. I've always been shunned in school growing up and don't really have a deep positive impression of human beings. I've only ever had one girlfriend and long story short she was ugly and entitled. I know how to be civil and polite. I know how to feel happy, I can empathize with other people, but I don't know how to make people want to be a part of my life. Thankfully, there's more to me than this sob story.

I've been working out and reading a lot of this type of stuff and it's been helping me to be better noticed and better treated by members of the opposite sex. I'm determined to change my life but the girls are looking at me NOW. I'm about more than just “nothing”. Isn't there a way I can dive into sex and relationships?

Does me currently living with my mother and father automatically disqualify me from using the stuff I learn on your website on women and possibly experience the benefits? I've seen some SEXY women eyeing me and drawing close and the battle in my head is always the same. “You don't know what to tell her.” So I say to myself, “I'll learn” but then my head pull out the ol' “mama's boy still lives with his mama and daddy”.

Does it matter? If it does, how much does it matter? I have a feeling I'll find the answer to that soon enough as I read. I tried looking on your site for an article about this and the search turned up empty. So why not tell me what you think? If I still live with my parents will it get in the way of hooking up with or starting something regular with a girl I'd really like?

Thanks for your help

Jonathan

when should you start

Sounds very familiar.

This is something that I ran into quite often in the past. I thought it’d always be a good idea to put off doing things until later. I’d learn how to get better with women later on. I’d wait until I finally got to the point where I felt “sexy” enough to start approaching women. I’d put off improving my fundamentals so that I could fix something else in my life.

Eventually, I ended up becoming a huge procrastinator, and only ended up working on those things when I finally got so fed up with myself that I had to do something to dull the pain of failure.

It all started with excuses popping into my head, saying that I’d be better off doing things later. But, like most things that I put off until later, they just never got done. I never became better at seduction simply by thinking to myself, “I’ll do it later”. I only got better when I took action.

How to Avoid Making the Same Mistake Twice


If you’ve spent any amount of time learning pickup, then you know that you’re bound to make countless mistakes. We’ve all been through the same exact process, as you need to make mistakes in order to make progress.

Progression is necessary to finally get the results that you want. Progression, however, comes at a different pace for different people.

Some men progress through this material at a lightning fast pace, going from zero to hero within mere months.

... meanwhile, others, while exerting similar or even greater effort towards becoming attractive men who are irresistible to women, are just not getting the results they desire.

same mistake twice

What is the primary difference between these men? The man who progresses quickly doesn’t make the same mistake twice, while the man who is stuck continues to make the same exact mistakes over and over again. As a result, he feels marooned on an ideological island with no escape.

How do you become the man that doesn’t make the same mistake twice? How do you bolt through this material and rack up lay after lay, shocking even your closest friends with the rapid progression you’ve made? I could just tell you to not make the same mistakes twice. But I know that there is more to the puzzle, as most guys are boggled when it comes to avoiding making these mistakes over and over again.

You see, most guys just don’t know when or how they’ve made a mistake. They can feel that something is wrong, but it’s very difficult to pinpoint the exact cause of the mistake. Without knowledge of how the mistake came about, you’re just throwing darts in the dark, trying to yank some progress kicking and screaming out of your unknown mistakes.

It’s time to turn on the lights so that you can finally get the results that you've been dreaming of.

Why You Absolutely Need to Assume Attraction with Women


I’ve been seeing more of the writers and senior members on the discussion boards reminding guys that you must assume attraction recently. This is one of those things that comes second nature when you’re farther along the path of doing great with girls, but can be an odd piece of advice to encounter when you’re new.

“Assume attraction” is a necessary ingredient in your seductions if you want those seductions to get anywhere. It’s what stops you from spending endless time deliberating about whether a girl is interested or not, whether she likes you, and whether you ought to advance things with her... or not.

assume attraction

What happens is that most newer guys do not assume attraction, and instead spend their time looking for signs of attraction instead (without being all that adept at reading these signs).

They are waiting for women to signal to them that they should move forward with their seductions.

Yet, for similar reasons to what we covered in “The Paradox of the Flirty Girl” for why you shouldn’t put too much stock in flirtation, if you’re sitting there trying to figure out if she likes you before you do anything, you’re going to fall flat.

You’re going to miss out on 95% of the women who really do like you.

Because most of the time, they’re going to be too busy being attracted to you to worry about signaling to you that they are.

At What Point Do You Give Up?


In response to my statement in “Real Empiricists Test”, uForia asked a follow up question on how you can tell the difference between something not working because you’re not getting right, and something not working because it simply doesn’t work:

I think for most new guys, skepticism comes up when they follow your instructions but it blew up anyways, which questions your legitimacy. It is uncertain for many beginners like myself whether your method needs more practice or it’s just random PUA junk. Again, I didn’t say this to offend you or anything (I think you’re probably mature enough to not be offended anyways), as I’m sure you had difficulties finding what works and what doesn’t as well.

In other words, when should you give up?

when do you give up

This is a non-trivial question, and it’s one that’s pretty necessary to have some sort of an answer to. Because if you can’t tell when you’ve been tossing your time away on something that just doesn’t work, well... you can end up being that guy who goes and does 5000 approaches and still can’t get laid.

And you don’t want to be that guy.

The good news is that most people have a limit where they reach where they just give up without anyone having to tell them to do so... the bad news is that for most people that limit comes far too early, and for some it comes far too late.

How Important Is It to Have Fun When Meeting Women?


A lot of guys want to be the cool, suave guy. They want to be the stoic James Bond type who smoothly and aloofly maneuvers his way through an interaction and ends up with a girl in his bed.

But a lot of guys neglect the fact that even Bond had to go through a whole lot of BS to get to that point. And even though he’s suave, Bond is always having a great time when he’s seducing a woman.

have fun meeting women

The fact is: seduction should be fun. And the fact is: most people won’t be like James Bond. You have to have a very particular kind of personality to be that way. However, a lot of guys can learn how to have fun and greatly boost their results with women.

So let’s look at the importance of having fun in your interactions, and how it affects your success and satisfaction.

Are You Giving Her Sex or Trading for It?


In the article on using astrology with girls, 340Breeze had a solid comment with an interesting part that I’ll quote in part here (because it’s pretty long):

Ultimately my question is: when interacting with a woman on a FIRST ‘date’ what is the BEST step by step process where the interaction with a woman ends essentially with the following proposal being issued to the woman: “I’m willing to give you A, but ONLY if you give me B?” where A = (what women value: dominance, sex and orgasms, scintillating conversation, active listening, etc) and B = (all the sex I can stand)? This proposal should be made on EVERY date, but the problem I face is, I don’t always know how to do it in a socially savvy and SMOOTH way on EVERY woman I take out. Because of this lack of finesse, I get nervous (mainly with the less sexually confident women) and hesitate, not because I’m afraid of her saying no, but because I’m afraid of my lack of finesse. This is illogical because who cares if some girl gets offended by my request, but my subconscious mind is fearful because it wants me to be as SMOOTH and subtle as possible. But at the end of the day, if she’s not giving up the vj and FAST then what’s the point in speaking to her?? I want to communicate to women that if they don’t give me sex FAST then I’m uninterested. I could just come out and say it explicitly, but maybe there’s a better way?

There’s a core worldview here that I think is pretty important to address, because it’s one that I see a lot of guys having, particularly when they’re newer, but even plenty of intermediate and a few advanced guys, too.

That world view is the “sex as trade” world view, where the man offers the woman things she values, and in return the woman provides the man with sex.

giving vs. trading

And to be fair, this isn’t an “incorrect” way of looking at things – it’s as valid as the next perspective. There are men who use this perspective in effective, elegant, and consistent ways. However, there is another perspective, and it is one that, in my opinion, makes intimacy with women a much easier and less daunting thing to pursue and get.

This perspective is not thinking of sex as something you receive from a woman in exchange for things you give her, but rather, something that you give her... in exchange for her meeting your requirements.

Real Empiricists Test


real empiricists testIn the comments of Saturday’s article about signs you’re in the friend zone, uForia makes the following comment:

Ive been a long time reader of your articles, and I can’t help but be skeptical at times. Your posts often have a tone of disliking competition from other men, and what makes you even want to help other men? Wouldn’t you be worried that other men will take your girl eventually due to the popularity of this blog? Or does making money off this site offset the potential costs seen there? I know whenever other men ask me for advice, I always tell them to be nice and confident, of course knowing that the advice won’t help at all.

What really are your motivations for your website?

Leaving aside the suspicions of my motivations for running Girls Chase (which seem to imply that I’ve spent the past 5.5 years of my life, 3.5 of them full time, investing 6,000+ hours of my own time and writing somewhere between 1.5 and 2 million words building this site, dealing with all the headaches involved, composing and polishing and curating the content here, and responding to comments in order to wage a long-term, planetary-scale disinformation campaign designed to lead my competition for women down the garden path in order that I might personally have an easier time getting laid), I want to focus on one aspect in particular, and it’s this statement:

“I can’t help but be skeptical at times.”

To be sure, I actively encourage healthy skepticism in anything and everything that doesn’t match up with your prior experience and that you have no way of taking for a trial run.

And I’ll be the last man on Earth to tell you to take anything on faith alone (or even in large part).

And while I understand holding skepticism about things you have no ability to try out for yourself – things like religion, philosophy, or reports about anything remotely occult-related – the subject matter on this website is almost entirely (with a few dives into the theoretical here and there) not that sort of material.

Every single thing on this site is designed to be used, tried out, played with, toyed with, experimented upon, rotated in, weighed against alternatives, and kept if found sound or chucked if found not... not rolled around endlessly and skeptically in your mind as you try to make a decision on whether you want to personally believe it or not.

If you’ve been approaching the material on this site as something that must be taken “on faith”, and waiting for someone else to come along and convince you further, you’ve been coming at it all wrong.

Because I don’t want your faith. Don’t need it, don’t care for it. Never have, and never will.

Rather, I want your tests. Because real empiricists don’t take things on faith. Real empiricists test.

Picking Up Girls and the Game of Asymmetric Returns


asymmetric returnsI’ve been relistening to Nassim Taleb’s wonderful book Fooled by Randomness, which is a probabalist’s dream read. And if there’s one thing that picking up girls turns you into, it’s a probabalist.

Reading it (or listening to it on audio, as I am), you see a great many parallels between stock trading and seduction. And you also come to understand why some men succeed at picking up lots of different pretty girls, and why most men never will.

In many things in life, but especially in trading and in pickup, there is what you’d call an asymmetric distribution of returns. And that means that by participating in trading for stocks or picking up girls or anything else with an asymmetric distribution, you’re opening yourself up to asymmetric returns.

But the mind does not take well naturally to asymmetric returns. It doesn’t grasp them. It isn’t built to work that way.

And the result of this is, an endless abundance of great returns for those few souls willing to go against the grain, fight the emotions that go with it, and chase down their asymmetric returns in spite of their struggling and fearful or frustrated brains... and an endless source of frustration and disappointment for the majority of souls who just go with the flow.

Social Anxiety in Men: What Causes It and How to Beat It


Note from Chase: this is a guest post on understanding and combatting social anxiety, by Will Legend, writer for and founder of DecodeHer.


Have you ever wanted to do something, but backed out because you were overcome with the fear of embarrassment? If you have, then you’ve had social anxiety.

social anxiety

Personally, I’ve experienced social anxiety. When I was in school, I hated being called on in class. Sometimes, I’d fumble with my words. Other times, I’d turn red. And when I felt the blood rush to my cheeks, I was even more embarrassed.

Chances are, you’ve experienced some degree of social anxiety as well. Some experience so much fear in certain situations that they grow frightened just thinking about them. For others, it’s not as severe, but still brings about a feeling of insecurity.

How Your Lifestyle Colors Your Perception of Relationships


Growing up, I was shown again and again in film, books, and television that there was precisely one (1) path a man could follow with women, romantically-speaking: date a few people, find the right girl, and settle down.

perception of relationships

This never sat entirely right with me, because while I enjoyed the idea of pairing up intensely with some amazing woman, my tastes also changed enough that I also enjoyed fantasizing about pairing up with lots of different amazing women. Not all at once (what a headache!), but mostly more or less one after another. Maybe having children with the different various amazing women along the way. Even while fixated on that one special girl, I could never imagine more than a year or two out into a relationship with her... sort of like most Hollywood films. The movie in my head always ended after the exciting part.

When I discovered the seduction community, I found two more beliefs about how relationships could go, coexisting rather uncomfortably side-by-side with that first. Plenty of men learning how to get girls still aimed for a settled life with one girl they’d commit to more or less forever; some of them because of a lack of abundance mentality, but many of them because that was just what they really wanted, and the cultural narrative gelled with their own intrinsic desires.

Those other two views on relationships are the ones I want to discuss today. I won’t go much into the conventional mainstream view of relationships – you already know that one plenty well enough (and, for the record, I think it’s a perfectly fine and doable path for those who want it), so instead, I want to talk about the other two:

  1. The “Committed Relationships are Bad for Men” View, and
  2. The “Committed Relationships are Playgrounds for Men” View

... and I’ll also talk about where both of these views come from, and how and why your lifestyle radically colors your perception of relationships.

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