Confidence

How confidence affects results with women, and how to get your confidence, boldness, and "inner game" tightened up and running smoothly.

How to Figure Out Your Standards for Hookups and Flings


Today I will just discuss something that I have been thinking about a lot lately – namely, your hookup standards. By standards I am referring to the different elements or traits in a woman that you enjoy, making you willing to pursue her.

hookup standards

Standards are very personal, meaning that there is a subjective element to them. Remember that at the end of the day, you decide which women you want to put effort into.

This post will just be a reflection over standards and not make any claims about what is right or wrong, but rather what choices will give you the most success in the long run. It is the practical element that I am about to discuss.

The perspective of this post is to discuss how one can either:

Anyway, let us get on with it.

Sexual Dry Spells, Negative Momentum, and the Big Picture


Hi there. I hope everyone is doing well. Today we are focusing more on some theoretical stuff and less on beginner material.

This post is fit for everyone practicing cold approach pick up (the most exciting form of pick up, in my opinion).

dry spell

I have in the past already discussed social momentum quite a few times already. Today we will also discuss momentum, but look at it from a different perspective: from a macro perspective.

Social momentum (micro) - discussed previously - covered how you felt; your emotional state when out meeting women. Positive social momentum could help one get laid, as he will not only feel more like interacting with strangers, but also be more comfortable doing so. When you have (micro) social momentum, you feel like an unbeatable god, as you:

  • Approach more women, feeling on fire

  • Have bigger balls and are bold in your approach, as you don't really care all that much about rejections

  • You will in many cases be more high energy and hook more girls (as you will come across as more exciting) - the pitfall here is that you will have to tone it down when getting into "seduction mode" (unless you want to end up being perceived as a dancing monkey)

  • You will feel more confident

If you have been out in the field a few times, you have probably already reached this type of momentum. I will not cover "how you get there" in this post, as I have covered this aspect already a few times. If you need advice on how to reach social momentum, then check out these post:

How I Went from Fat Guy to Lady Killer, Part II


This is Part II of my introductory series on how I went from being a lonely fat guy to a guy who now enjoys all the success with women he wants. If you have not read the first article yet, I urge you to read that one, then come back here.

There were highs and there were definitely even more lows during my journey to mastering the skill to attract women into my life. It would be impossible to count how many times I got shot down. No matter what results I was getting, I believed deep inside that this was a skill I could learn. You have to believe the same of yourself.

There are studies on people that either have a growth or a limiting mindset. If you do not believe in your own ability to grow and change yourself, then you will miss out on lessons and opportunities to do so.

fat guy

One thing I did right with learning how to pick up women was that I took everything one step at a time. I must have spent nearly a year just learning how to approach women and start a conversation while managing my fears.

From there I was constantly working on building attraction with my body language and conversation. I worked on that for another couple of years. Every part of interacting with and attracting women I learned one piece at a time. It is very easy to get overwhelmed with this stuff.

On this site alone you have all the resources you need to learn everything from approaching girls cold, to making meaningful relationships. However, depending on where you are at specifically, it doesn’t help to skip ahead.

3 Kinds of Men (and How to Care More No Matter Which You Are)


There are, in romance, three kinds of men.

And before any of these three kinds of men is truly free to care about the women in his life and the others around him, he must make an inner journey that forces him to face his demons and let go of his fears of where these lead.

We all, in our own ways, search for a kind of absolution.

When we are young we expect that to come in the form of young love. Movies overwhelmingly portray it as “the happiest ending possible”, so why not? Some choose that path and succeed, some choose it and feel inadequate for doing so, and some choose to walk away from it (as I did).

But the complexities do not end there, and the human condition is fraught with astounding complexity and specificity for each and every one of us. Our lives are all set to a very unique mould, and no two are exactly alike. However, there are some things that are unilateral in their own quirky ways and I hope to share a few tips about life.

kinds of men

In my next article after this one I will describe two paths: one of the guy who chooses teen love, the other who doesn’t and walks another path. However, in this article I’m going to start by shortly describing another path and then afterwards share some techniques it uncovers.

Stop Being So Considerate


A lot of guys are too considerate to get what they want out of life. It’s not that being inconsiderate is the key, it’s that sometimes you need to be inconsiderate to get the things you want. Our society venerates meek behavior but at the same time it rewards people who have the ability to be selfish.

It’s not about being completely one or the other though, it’s about knowing when to be what. But in order to know when to be inconsiderate, you have to learn how to do it properly.

considerate

Old Fashioned Sex Symbols vs. Modern Male Stars: What’s the Difference?


male sex symbols

I previously said (in this post) my next article would be “How to Be an Alpha Provider”... however, I’m going to switch things up today. Today’s article is about sex symbols: those of the past and those of today. And we’ll get back to the alpha providers again next week. Onwards, then.

Today’s article comes in response to a question from Byron on my article about self-cultivation regarding my preference for older male sex symbols over the more current ones Hollywood has to offer. Here’s what Byron had to say:

Hey,
I’ve recently come across several comments where you reference Sean Connery and Harrison ford as the epitome of raw sexiness. I was wondering if you could elaborate on this and why not the plethora of modern sex symbols, ie what makes them so different? Or if you could write an article on their appeal or a series on famous seducers/ role models I think that would be very interesting and relevant. Again just suggestions, I realize you are very busy. Thank you for this site!

That’s a fantastic question. Why do I recommend the older guys more than the newer guys? I had a few reasons, but part of me kind of wondered if maybe I just had some kind of nostalgia-bias when this subject’s come up in the past... maybe I’m simply guilty of thinking older is better.

Fortunately, this article’s forced me to really get down to nuts and bolts, and in the process of writing it, I learned a lot. Let’s dive in.

Think about your old school, old fashioned male sex symbols. Men like:

  • Gary Cooper
  • Cary Grant
  • James Garner
  • Sean Connery
  • James Dean
  • Harrison Ford

Compare them to the sex symbols of modern cinema. Men like:

  • Brad Pitt
  • Ryan Gosling
  • George Clooney
  • Ian Somerhalder

Do you notice anything?

I like all the guys in both of these lists. All are masters of their crafts, and there are buckets you can learn from watching the facial expressions, body language, and little nonverbal tics of each, as well as studying the way each man uses his voice and his overall demeanor.

However, there’s a clear difference between these two groups of men (that span about two generations each)... a large enough difference that while I personally suggest you take the time to study all of these men, when it comes to my own preferences, the only ones I ever find myself wanting to model outright are the ones from before.

And I sat down today and the one question on my mind was, “How do I best explain this difference?”

Why You Never Hear from “Alpha Providers” in the Manosphere


alpha provider

Why do you never hear from what the Internet’s dubbed ‘alpha providers’ – men who keep the pants on in their relationships, even over the long-term?

The morose tales of men who have become ‘beta providers’, who have gone through the ‘betaization process’... men who’ve lost the drive, strength, and ambition of their youths and become punching bags for their women... these men’s tales are all over the Internet.

Yet, you hear nary a peep from their opposites, those men in provider roles who remain the captains of their ships.

Is it because they’re quiet?

Or, because they do not exist?

A commenter named Insidious Sid, weighing in on Alek’s post on sexual economics, remarks:

This “lover turned provider” idea is the biggest load of blue-pill nonsense ever to hit the internet. Once she “has you”, no matter how alpha you were, you now have provider status. She “conquered” you, and now she will be sexually attracted to OTHER alpha males who she has yet to conquer. Women like conquest just as much as men do. Men get bored after they conquer the trophy wife and cheat on amazing looking women – and most men think “Wow, I’d never do that.” Well, he’ll never get the chance. Conversely, the female will cheat on even a high value male and people will gasp “But he’s such a high value male, why would she cheat on / divorce / ruin a good man?” Same reason. Once a person, man or woman, has a member of the opposite sex in the “co-committed long-tern relationship (tm)” this is a whole new power dynamic. One part of “red pill theory” I think has it wrong is that you can “game your own wife” and alpha-up and keep the other alphas out the door. It’s a great theory, but my theory is once she gets the ring on your finger and you sign up for the house, mortgage, the full meal family deal, you also sign up for divorce, alimony and child support. Guys, let’s be real. Decent, handsome and successful lawyers, doctors and athletes are going through the divorce and family law meat grinder just like regular men are, albeit likely in smaller numbers. The point is the institution of marriage and being a provider is a sour deal for a man of ANY status. He’s got more to lose than gain regardless of his position in the mating arena.

*REAL* Alphas have nothing to DO with ANY of that crap. They bed the top females and move on. They’re not there to pay, they’re there to play.

There is no such thing as an Alpha Provider. He’s the mythical creature all women want, and they know he *does not exist* so they try to convert Mr. Alpha into Mr. Alpha/Beta hybrid and what happens? She will ultimately fail. She will be the subject of many a rom com – the Cinderella trying to turn the successful handsome worry free aloof guy into the exact same man, but also loyal, sweet, caring... think a shirtless Matthew McConaughey... rocking a swaddled infant in the baby room he just painted. This is the fantasy of every woman alive. Alpha looks, money and prowess with the servitude and commitment and *caring* of the beta provider. This is mother nature’s cruel joke on women – letting them think in their hamster-driven minds that such a feat is possible.

Alpha males can become beta providers. Beta providers can stop *CARING* and *PROVIDING* for women/children, get in shape, get fashionable, get a better crib, get some game... but perhaps they are just physiologically wired to provide. Perhaps they will never *naturally* exude the kind of confidence a real natural-born Alpha does.

Interesting and well written article, but I think it’s got some major blue-pill philosophy in there, stuff that’s already been disproved in the field, so to speak.

Another way of putting what Sid’s weighed in here with is like so:

You only have two (2) options-

  1. Be the single bachelor forever, and forever bounce from girl-to-girl
  2. Take a girl long-term and become a doormat

Sounds depressing. You’re either trapped perpetually in hedonism, which is fun until it gets stale a decade or so in (usually sooner), or... you’re somebody’s doormat.

Well, spoiler, I’m going to tell you that’s a whole lot of hooey... but so are the mainstream ideology of “the man’s REALLY in charge, even if the woman bosses him around a bit” and the pickup ideology of “you have to game your wife”.

Instead, I’m going to tell you about something else. Namely, being a legitimate alpha provider.

3 Keys to Winner Mentality: Prediction, Confidence, and Harmony


winner mentality

What are the differences between how a beneficial, robust mental model works, versus how robust-yet-harmful mental models (like victim mentality) or non-robust mental models yet clung-to models work?

I’ve been analyzing mental models a lot recently. In particular, how people can have extremely different, yet robust or at least unyielding mental models, and how each different kind of mental model produces different kinds of results.

For instance:

  • Victim mentality is actually an extremely robust mental model. Individuals who view themselves as victims – and such individuals are extremely common across societies, of every sex, race, age, and creed – continually find reason to view themselves as the recipients of misfortune, find justification for their models, and receive feedback from the world that reinforces rather than disabuses them of their models

  • Conversely, what I’d call winner, or success-driven, individuals also have extremely robust mental models. Individuals who view themselves as successes tend to be quite good at finding ways to pull victory out of defeat, at avoiding situations where they would suffer setbacks, and don’t spend much time dwelling on setbacks, other than from a problem-solving mentality. As a result, they spend little time in defeat and quickly dust themselves off even after most reasonably catastrophic failures

But it’s not just someone’s victim/winner orientation. It’s also the reliability of his predictions.

For instance, someone who sees himself as a victim has confidence in his mental model because his predictions are either correct, or he explains them away if they aren’t. He sees a pretty girl and says, “Well, she’ll reject me, of course,” and if he approaches and she does reject him, he says, “See? I knew it. Women always reject me.” If instead she’s friendly, he’ll be inclined to explain it away: “She must’ve been drunk” or “She doesn’t really like me... she was probably just being polite.”

Both victims and winners make predictions and their predictions either come true, or they attempt to explain to themselves (and others) why in this case the prediction failed, yet the failure does not violate their mental model overall. This makes these models robust.

Obviously, if they receive enough feedback to crash the model, they’ll be forced to reassess. But most people adopt models that seem to justify their experiences, and avoid experiences that may invalidate their models.

However, prediction is only the surface here – largely because it doesn’t give us a way to qualify the differences between different mental models (like victim and winner mentalities). So we need to add two more pieces.

I propose any robust, success-oriented mental model is comprised of three (3) bits:

  • Predictive accuracy,
  • Confidence in the model, and
  • Harmonious choices and outcomes

Quit Procrastinating and Go Meet a Bunch of Girls This Week


procrastination

“What are you WAITING for!?”

The question runs through almost all the advice I mete out on seduction. Big part of the advice I see other guys give, too.

A student from a coaching session stands around, hesitating to approach.

“What are you waiting for!?”

A lover complains about how she’s unable to live her dream of being a professional dancer.

“What are you waiting for!?”

A friend is hung up on a single girl, and unwilling to move on with his life.

“What are you waiting for!?”

People sure spend a lot of time waiting.

You could grow old waiting for most people to finish waiting. Or you could even meet a girl, sleep with her, and have an entire wonderful relationship with her during the same time other men spend looking for the “right moment” to chat with that girl from work or class or wherever she’s from.

But, you know – “What are you waiting for!?” – if you can internalize this utterly electric anti-procrastination attitude, you will be 90% of the way to becoming the man you know you really can be.

If only you stopped putting everything off till tomorrow though, or got up on time, or got that job... then you’d be ready to buckle down and really get to work... right?

Wrong.

How to Not be Needy: Small Scarcity & Big Scarcity


not be needy

The other day, one of the advanced members of our Girls Chase forums asked me about how you root out scarcity in all its forms, and how to resist the sometimes overpowering urge to give into it.

Scarcity can spring naturally from the situations you find yourself in, but it may also be engineered: individuals (and organizations) who understand the value of scarcity can also use it to make themselves more in-demand and attract higher value friends, mates, and associates. It’s all around us, pervades what we do, and we use it on each other, intentionally or inadvertently, non-stop. As you become an increasingly valuable individual socially, there will be more and more people who feel scarcity interacting with you (or trying to), and usually there will still always be someone or something you yourself continue to feel it with or for.

Scarcity takes many forms:

  • You meet a girl who’s super hot and perfect for you and you can’t help feeling nervous around her and acting different around her

  • You reach a point in a relationship where you find yourself going back and forth over whether staying with this girl is what you really want, but feeling unsure whether you’re ready to give her up

  • You reach a point in a relationship where your girlfriend is clearly going back and forth over whether staying with you is clearly what she really wants, and it makes you feel helpless

  • You find yourself working a job that’s pretty good, but not perfect, and while some part of you wants to leave, another part isn’t sure if other jobs are necessarily better... and you may be safer just staying right where you are

  • You find yourself talking with a salesman who seems to be offering something you might be interested in, but he’s pushing you for a decision now and you’re not sure whether to take the plunge or beg off

In any of these scenarios and a whole lot more, scarcity, in one of its many forms, snakes its way into your heart and tightens its grip around your psyche.

Possibly on its own; possibly due to the machinations of those around you.

Sometimes you may fight free from scarcity, yet some of the time it gets you. And sometimes the end result is okay and you get the thing you felt needy toward and the thing turns out to be worthwhile, while other times you realize sooner or later you settled for something less than what you could’ve had... had you been a little braver. Or you tripped over your own two feet in your attempt to secure it, and chucked yourself out of the running in the process.

How do you combat the creeping feeling of neediness you get whenever you wind up in a truly scarce position, and instead remain calm, measured, and effective?

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