Confidence

There it is: the Big Decision.

On the one hand, you've got Road #1. And it is a tempting choice. It seems like a great path to go down... maybe everything you want.

Except you're not 100% sure it'll work out.

And if it doesn't, you'll have lost all that time going down it.

Then, on the other hand, you've got Road #2. It's the safer path by far... but maybe - could it be - too safe?

If you pick Road #2, you'll probably be okay, but you might miss out on the amazingly potential upside of Road #1.

Alternately, pick Road #1 and you risk having it not lead anywhere, and then you won't end up enjoying the benefits of Road #1 OR Road #2.

So, you hem and haw, delay and stall, sending your mind into overdrive trying to figure out which choice is the right choice to make.

Only, your mind can't figure this out. There's no new information coming in.

Nothing else to tip the scales in your head to help you to decide, or force you to.

In the end, you sit there, no closer to a decision than you were when first presented with those two choices, despite endless wheel spinning, mental gears clogged with mud and grass, unable to spin any further, you unable to decide.

This article is designed to help you never have to worry about this ugly (and far too common) scenario again; it the complete manual on how to be decisive, and it's how I took myself from someone who kept ending up in these scenarios to someone who never does anymore.

One of our readers, Richard, asked about approach anxiety in the comments section of my last article on Girls Chase about dating for introverts:

“Colt, I must genuinely thank you for your article as, without consciously labeling my game as introverted, it is. Sex hasn't meant a whole lot to me, and even after opening several women, I generally only end up holding onto a few of the girls I meet. I respect what you write, and I greatly look forward to your future articles. That being said though, I have a few friends who introverts as well, and though my game has gotten worlds better, I can't get them over their massive approach anxiety, what worked for me hasn't worked for them. Any advice for the introverted man who has approach anxiety? You've become a huge inspiration for me man. Thank you,

Richard”

Approach anxiety is a topic that resurfaces from time to time on this site, addressed in articles such as "How to Approach a Girl Wherever You Are (Easily)" and "How to Pick Up Girls: The Success Factor, Part IV" and a smattering of other pieces. It was even systematically addressed by Chase in "Overcoming Approach Anxiety."

Yet, despite these excellent write ups, so many of our dear readers (as well as male friends of my own) continue to complain of completely freezing whenever they try to talk to an attractive woman.

I know exactly how this goes. Well... at least I used to. Approach anxiety was by far my biggest hurdle in greatly improving my skills with women. Bar none. I read everything I could, I talked to everyone I could possibly talk to, and did whatever was necessary to try to address the crippling anxiety I had.

Now, it’s not something I really think about anymore.

So team, I am now going to offer you a comprehensive post on approach anxiety; one from my own perspective, to complement Chase's previous piece and the other articles on this site that deal with the subject, to share with you everything I learned, the pitfalls you should avoid, and how you should go about moving forward. It is my hope that this will be the last post you will ever need on the topic.

Note from Chase: Colt is one of our writers who contributed to the site a while back, with the 'Student of the Game' series and the 'Social Skills 101' series. Colt's roughly intermediate in his skills with women - he's still learning, but he's having success and taking new and pretty girls to bed - and he's focused on helping guys who are new to working on themselves and their dating skill sets to get in gear. Now returned from adventures in Thailand and the wilds of central Africa, we welcome him back to pick up where he left off with 'Social Skills 101'.

We live in a world designed for extroverts. It is designed for people who love parties, large social gatherings, and constant social stimulation. Today’s post is designed for the underrepresented men, the men who still want to attract beautiful women, but want to remain true to their selves: this post is for the introverts. So without further ado, here we go: dating for introverts.

What is an introvert?

It’s estimated that around 30% of the American population is introverted. But I would guess that the true number of people who are at least somewhat introverted (say, people who qualify as ambiverts - those who switch back and forth between introvert and extrovert) is actually much higher. But before we go any further, let me first clear something up: being introverted is not the same as being shy.

Shyness means that you are afraid of social interaction because you fear social judgment. If you find yourself in that category, there are plenty of articles on this site that can help you brave the social waters, such as:

• How to Take Your Self-Esteem to the Stratosphere
• Anxiety in Men: Where it Comes From and How to Stop It
• The Pig and the Mirror
• How to be a Sexy Man
• Becoming a Social Success
• The Purpose of Life from a Practical Point of View

However, being an introvert means that you still possess social skills and have the ability to attract women, but you would rather spend your time reading, working out, or otherwise improving yourself.

Most guys who want to get good with girls focus primarily what to say when they first start out.

Me? Pretty early on, I focused on facial expressions.

Ever wonder why girls go so crazy for certain Hollywood stars? Many of them are good-looking, sure... but there are plenty of good-looking men out there that women don't go gaga for.

Stars tend to have some preselection going on, and of course there's the money / power / prestige / social status there to back it all up. So that's part of it.

Yet, many great-looking men make it into Hollywood only to never achieve that legendary "sex symbol" status that certain actors do. What sifts the wheat from the chaff?

Well, acting chops, certainly... and hit movies help. But one of the topmost factors is this: charm.

And what's up there in the mix among the chief elements of this mysterious thing called "charm"? You guessed it - it's what we talk about in this post: facial expressions.

If you get the right sensual, powerful, captivating expressions down, you become someone positively mesmerizing to women.

So let's have a look at seven (7) of the best: four flirty and sexy to ramp up your sex appeal with women, and three for putting a little social pressure to good use... while of course still keeping it pretty sexy, too.

The other day a reader commented the following on the article about respect in a relationship:

“What I’ve realized is my problem has never been being a closer. Once in a position to close I close. I escalate. Period. It’s fun, it’s sexy, it’s adrenaline inducing! But until a woman starts showing signs of submitting to me or hinting that she likes me, I feel afraid. I feel like I might lose her if I do something stupid to make her upset. I feel like I can't communicate any of this fear to the woman because she will lose attraction for me. And so, it's a catch 22 because I know if I don't make a confident move, she won't do it first, and her attraction will eventually fade, yet if I make a move and she doesn't go for it (rejects me) I immediately will feel as if I like her more than she likes me. And I HATE with a PASSION for a woman to find out that I liked her more than she likes me. My logical mind says I shouldn't care and that I should just laugh it off and say "whatever", but my emotional mind doesn't agree yet.

...

Have you ever closed girls that showed no visual signs at all of liking to be in your presence? What was your mindset in dealing with them? How'd you handle these girls? Was there any difference (whether subtle or more substantial) than girls who showed more signs of wanting to be seduced? How'd you change their minds if they were on the fence by persisting? And did you notice after the fact that initially aloof girls were glad you persisted and showed your emotions first?”

When you want to be liked... that's a curious thing.

In some ways, wanting to be liked is good and necessary to life as a human being:

• It stops you from being a social retard
• It prevents you from creating lots of enemies
• It makes you a more appealing person people will do more to help

But, unchecked, a need to be liked can often be a very destructive thing.

Unchecked, it leads to hesitation, over-deliberation, and, very often, inaction.

It's not even about making your self-esteem dependent on other people or suffering from far too much anxiety. Those are what most advice dispensers hoist up as the reasons to not care too much about being liked... but they're mere child's play compared to the real reasons this mess you up.

Because if you spent too much time trying to be well-liked, you will miss out on the all best things life has to offer you.

In the article on sticking points, a commenter asks:

“Hey Chase, how would you go about framing the "I am the Prize" frame? Or would you think of this as more of a devoped mindset?”

"I am the prize."

Brings back memories.

The first thing I ever read about pickup or seduction back in November 2005 introduced me to the phrase. I was searching on the Internet for anything I could find to help me iron out some of the kinks I was finding with these girls I was meeting in bars and nightclubs.

Most of the advice I came across was pure nonsense. But then I found this one guy.

I read one of his articles. It was on a silly-sounding website called "Dr. Dating" or something of the sort.

But this article made sense. More than that... it gave me ideas I hadn't even thought of yet, but that intuitively fit into my model of how attraction worked.

I read another article by the same guy.

Then another.

Wow... someone who ACTUALLY knew what he was TALKING ABOUT with girls!

At the bottom of each of his articles was a link to purchase his eBook for $49.95. And after reading the third article, I was convinced - at last, I had found someone who knew things about women I did not (not yet, anyway). So, I bought the book.

And right there, in the introduction to this book that I felt confident was going to supercharge my learning process, was the message the author most wanted to convey: the mindset a man needed to succeed with women was this: I am the prize.

Quick post today. More of a reminder than anything.

Much (most?) of the time, most people trend toward black and white thinking on things. This extends to all manner of thinking:

• "This is good, this is bad."
• "This is my fault, that is his fault."
• "I am right about this and other people are wrong."
• "Other people are right about this and I am wrong."

The last two are what I want to talk about briefly today.

And I want to talk about them by way of sharing with you a Chinese parable I heard a bit back.