Is the Mating Game Fair for Men?

Is the mating game fair? Do women have an advantage in the mating game?

These are good questions to ask; questions that many of you have probably asked yourself at one time or another.

I often see guys perceiving women as more privileged in the mating game. They get free drinks, lots of male attention, and seem to be able to get any man they want, whenever they want.

When we men see this, we may start envying them and calling out for justice.

is mating fair?

In this post, I will discuss whether or not the mating game is unjust or not, and what to do if it is just.

What If the World is Unjust?

Let us now assume that the mating game actually IS unjust. Let us assume that there are many benefits for being a woman; that women are worth much on the mating market, while men are worthless, “replaceable” pawns.

If that’s the case, and the world really is this way, you have two choices:

  1. Either you can shout out to everyone that the world is unjust, cry about it, and get nowhere.

  2. Or you can accept the world for how it is and do your best to deal with it at all times. Work harder, don’t cry… and get results.

I would say that the second option is far better, because you will at least gain something from doing so.

When it comes to option one… all that happens is that you don’t improve, and feel like an idiot.

Now, you might ask:“What if I can change the world?”

Well, you can control your life and have a small impact on your closest environment… but only to a certain extent. A paradigm shift in the status quo takes years, if not centuries to change, and it requires the work of a whole collective, not just one person (though sometimes one person can change the world… but that is rare).

Why Do Men Have to Work So Hard to Get Laid?

You are reading this blog. You have probably spent a few bucks on dating and seduction products. And even if you haven’t, you have probably invested a lot of time and energy in becoming better with women, regardless.

From what I am reading here, most of you seem like hard working guys – and I like that spirit!

Yet, I can understand why some of you become frustrated – “Why do I need to work that hard to get women?” “Why do we men need to work so hard to get laid?”

A commentator asked me similar questions in my last article.

And it is indeed true that many men need to work hard in order to get female attention. But the reason that is so is because they are purely providers – or at least are being perceived by women as such. A pure provider (lacking any sexual value in addition to his provider value) is not an attractive man, but he is a useful one. These are men women use to gain other, non-sexual benefits from – things like social value, material goods, and emotional support.

Lovers, on the other hand, are men women like to have sex with simply for the pleasure of having sex them. These are the bad boys who have sex with women who are married to rich boring “good men”, i.e., providers (most husbands are providers, and providers only).

Now, the issue is that there are a lot more providers out there than lovers. It’s pretty obvious the moment you poke your head up and look at everybody around you that there are far fewer men competing on sexy than there are competing on safe.

In my post about the secret society, I pointed out that only a small minority of men (the lovers) get all the female attention and manage sleep with most of the women out there, leaving nothing or very little for the rest – i.e., the non-sexually exciting providers.

Ask yourself this question next time you go to a bar: “How many men do I see legitimately being good with women?” It’s not going to be very many. And when you do see one, you may notice that this man is getting all of the female attention.

The mating market is unfair between men. Some few men (one in ten or less) get all the women, while the rest (the remaining nine or even more) get almost nothing.

The men who are not attractive sexy men compete on provider characteristics; they attempt to prove to men that they will take better care of them than anyone else. These males exist in order to support women with their offspring. Lovers exist in order to spread the best genes around.

Men whom women perceive as attractive lovers are extremely rare, so are considered high value prospects from a sexual perspective. Whereas, men who want to pay for expensive dates and offer women nice jewellery are actually quite common. Therefore, the average man (the pure provider) has very little perceived worth to women, which gives women certain advantages over him.

However, when a woman meets a sexually exciting male, the dynamic changes. He is the one being chased. Yes, he makes the first move, he approaches, and he leads the interaction all the way to sex, but women love him for doing so. The lover doesn’t need to win a girl over, he just needs to convey the right attractive traits to communicate that he is an attractive, sexual man, then make sex happen. The man who is purely a provider needs to win the girl over with multiple dates, expensive gifts, and commitment to a relationship.

Women chase the sexy male once they perceive him as one. He doesn’t seek commitment… yet, women offer to become his girlfriend.

The dynamic changes: the lover is in a position of power because he has many options. He is a rare “product” whom many women desire. All women want from him are his abilities in bed.

So, our conclusion is that, for men competing on their abilities to provide, the game IS unfair, and women have a crazy advantage over them. Sexual males, however, have as much, if not more, power than women.

Now you might ask:“What if I am not a sexually exciting male?” Maybe you aren’t… and that’s a sad story.

But then, I may suggest: become one?

For instance, this site is a great resource for you to learn the behaviours of a sexual male and eventually become one. Women sense potential lovers from certain patterns of behaviours communicated by those males. Once a man displays traits of being a sexually desirable male, women will perceive him as one.

Then, as a result, that man displaying lover qualities will get laid a lot and become a valuable man (in the mating game), and eventually, after a while, he will become a true lover. He will gain core confidence. He will perceive women differently. He will become the man that he has always wanted to become.

The path to becoming a lover is long and it is hard, as I discussed in my previous article. Yet, as you can see very clearly in this post, the benefits from the hard work are indeed worth it.

Women Need to Work Hard Too

So far we have entertained the assumption that women get everything on a silver platter.

Before I move on to the next section I would like to point out that it is not really true that ONLY men need to work hard.

is mating fair?

As a matter of fact, most women work very hard to become attractive.

Why do you think women are shopping freaks? Because they really want to look beautiful for their friends, who they constantly feel the urge to impress? Yes, but most important of all is that they want to be beautiful for us; for men!

Whether you consider a woman’s motivation to win over men to outcompete the competition, or whether it’s to win over men to because they need a new boyfriend, new lover, or a new contingent of orbiters to make them feel validated and secure, the means is the same: men must be won!

Women own so many clothes, they spend so much time reading about fashion and how to look better… it is actually quite sickening!

Further, women pay big bucks, far more than you paid for your copy of Chase’s book, just to get their hair done!

Have you ever been drinking with a girl before heading out to the club? Well then, you’ve perhaps noticed that they spend hours figuring out what to wear. They also need to shower for 30 minutes – why? Because they need to wash their long hair, then fix their hair, then add some colognes, and finally put on a ridiculous amount of makeup – all just to look beautiful for us men.

That is a lot of work; a woman spends about two hours in front of a mirror before heading out partying. On week days, when women just need to be casual in their looks, they maybe spend less time fixing themselves up, but it is nonetheless still a huge amount of time.

Also, women have to shave their legs and always watch their weight, far more than men do. Women sometimes starve themselves just to look beautiful in your eyes….

So the answer is yes, women put in a lot of work too.

Also, if you believe that sites like Girls Chase only exist for men, then you are wrong. There is a lot of “dating” advice for women out there; actually, far more than there is for men.

In most female magazines there is a lot of seduction and dating advice. There are also a lot of books available for women, the most famous one of course being The Rules.

Is the Mating Game Really Unfair?

I actually believe that it is not.

It is true that women can most of the time easily get attention from most men; get the men they desire….

Yet there is one thing we men enjoy that women don’t, and that’s SEXUAL FREEDOM.

We men possess, to a much higher extent, sexual freedom. We can do almost anything we’d like to do when it comes to sex. In fact, men are FAR more permitted to commit to promiscuous activities than women are. We are permitted to have sex with whomever we want, as long as that person consents.

Furthermore, we can have sex with as many women as we want without being judged for it. We can also be far more open about our sexuality, and the worst thing that can happen is that some jackass calls you a pervert… but you probably take it as a compliment anyway.

Women, on the other hand, might most of the time have the ability to have sex with any man they want, and, as a matter of fact, most of the time they do have far more options than men do and it seems that they do not really have to work hard for it...

Yet women cannot just sleep with any available man; a lot of restrictions have been put on women in most cultures around the world. They are not allowed to have sex with every man they desire, and they are not allowed to have many different partners or be open about their sexuality in public without being judged.

We have discussed this phenomenon on multiple occasions here at Girls Chase. We recognize that women sometimes get judged for their sexual behaviour, often in the form of “slut shaming”. This “slut-label” scares women away from being sexually free.

The consequences of being slut-shamed are drastic. Exclusion, public shaming, and many other forms of sanction take place when a woman is perceived as a slut.

We men do not face such penalties. As a matter of fact, we can be sexually free.

If you ask me, I would rather have fewer options but be able to be sexually free instead of having lots of women begging for my crotch without being allowed to play with them.

I often think about that, and it makes me appreciate the fact that I am a man.


is mating fair?

The world is unfair, yet I do not believe that the mating game is unfair between men and women. Women might enjoy the power that comes with having men pursuing them and using them as they desire, yet we men enjoy the freedom of sex, allowing us to be sexually free.

On the other hand, women and men have to put in approximately equal amounts of work to become sexually attractive. It is not correct in thinking that only we men need to spend a lot of time working hard reading blogs on seduction and dating and practicing our game to become attractive.

Women are working just as hard, if not harder, to become attractive.

However, the mating game is unfair between men. Some men, the lovers, manage to get all the women and will always be in a position of power in their interactions with them.

The men competing on safety and security – the majority of men – have to work much harder to get female attention. This is because there are a lot of providers out there, making them less worthy in women’s eyes.

However, there are far fewer lovers out there, making them a “product” of high worth. Women, when interacting with something as rare as a sexually enticing male, almost inevitably will begin chasing them.

If you can manage to become a sexually desirable male, not only will you become a man of high worth in women’s eyes, but you will also make women start chasing you and reshape the power dynamic, making this more beneficial for you in your relationships.

And, you will continue to benefit from the sexual freedom all men have, and be able to tap that freedom for all it’s worth.

I hope this post has added even more emphasis on why it is worth your time and energy to work on yourself and become a more attractive man.

Questions and comments are welcome.

Until next,


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Prehistoric's picture

Good article.

This "power dynamic" is a basic concept of human relationships in general. Between friends, between colleagues, between business people and naturally between opposite sexes, there are some people who manage to put themselves in the position of the "desired" and some who are stuck in the position of the "desiring".

I used to be a very nice guy who always altruistically helped everybody without asking anything in return and always made himself available for conversation, going out etc, as if power wasn't an important element of human relationships.

It is after dozens of disappointments, with women and friends, that I realized that POWER is probably the most fundamental aspect of the interaction between two people.

Franklin's picture

Hello alek,

I like your article. My question to you is if women chase after sexy men and sexy men have an extremely easier time than providers in your opinion why do women always complain that all men want is sex? What do they mean by this if they secretly want sex just as much as men?

Sam2's picture

Alek, great article! It made me think...

I would like to raise two issues here.

1) Is it possible for a man to lose women, not because he gives off the proider vibe, but because he gives off the " unsafe player vibe"? Is the latter possibly a sort of "penalty" that a sexual man pays from time to time? I have in mind several women - especially the very experienced ones - who actually tried to drag me to longer dating prior to sex exactly because they felt that I follow the same process with all women, which is true by the way (some even told me that in my face). In other words, could some women see a sexual man as a test for their female ability to tame him exactly because he is sexual? This could be an idea for a future article: "How to be a sexual man without giving off the player vibe".

2) You are absolutely right about the male-female power game. It is not unjust at all. It is only mens' flawed mental model that creates this impression. I was guilty of this myself and I now know why many men think that way; they mistakenly project a man's game to a woman's game. A man's game is "When I will be 70 years old I want to look back and see a long line of conquests and trophies (i.e. multiple sex experiences). A woman's game is "How many of the desirable men I meet will stick around after sex?" For us sex is an end in itself. For women it is a means to an end. This is what those complaining men fail to see.

Anonymous's picture

Great article and insight as always Alek. I really enjoyed it. I thought you were right on with the power dynamic of an attractive man with women. Most women anyway. No way I'd have that kind of power with Jessica Alba. Or maybe I'm just limiting myself. ;)

"The lover doesn’t need to win a girl over, he just needs to convey the right attractive traits to communicate that he is an attractive, sexual man, then make sex happen"

I've actually wondered this myself. After doing a lot of reading on human mating, I figured that in theory ;) this is all I should have to do. Display myself as a sexy, attractive man, move her and get it in. So my question is, how much effort do I really need to put in if she is very attracted to me and knows I'm an attractive man? This may be laziness talking here, or it may just be me wanting to maximize the law of least effort (what's the difference? ;) ), but I wondered if I can just ramp up attraction, move her and get down to it? Skip most of the deep diving/rapport, and seal the deal.

So far, I've tried it with two fairly attractive girls and although I knew they wanted me, got them in a bedroom, got them both wet, got one completely naked in my bed :rolls eyes: I still got LMR that I could not break through. I honestly don't know if I didn't disqualify myself as a boyfriend rightly, or if my LMR game needs work, or if I just need to forget about doing this without building some good deep rapport.

I would really love to hear your thoughts on this Alek. Do you think things can be done without deep diving, or could great fundamentals, and good closing game be enough?

Appreciate the effort and the article. I'm about to head out to try this out.

Drexel's picture

Nice work Alek! I use to think women had all the power in our society, especially the sexual power (at least until they submitted to a man who fucked them well).

Then I realized that while it's technically true that women choose from amongst the men who approach them, it is MEN who choose WHO to approach in the first place.

We decide who is attractive, who to pursue, who to call back.

Men have the power, which is why women who are unattractive have no sexual power at all.

dcl's picture

Hello Alek,
I quite enjoyed the line, "men competing on safety and security (providers)." I have never heard it referred to like that. Thanks for the article. Cheers.

Anonymous's picture

Who is a good example of a lover in contemporary society ? In reality, I mean, not in fiction.

Anonymous's picture

don't want to mean disrespect as im a practicing student of Chaseism but all we need to realize is that getting female company is easy, so easy you don't even need to raise the phone its just a few clicks and a 2-3 emails and female company comes to your doorstep in an hour max.

all we need is money. its easier for us men, girls need to go out, get in the mood, screen, etc etc.

capitalism at its best.

blogster's picture

Sorry, but I really think you are talking around many key issues in order to fit this into the general philosophy/theme of girlschase of becoming a 'sexy man'. It's not a case of whining, as I understand that success in life is about work, but to posit there is some ying-yang equalisation between sexes counterbalancing each other in the dating game is just wrong:

"So, our conclusion is that, for men competing on their abilities to provide, the game IS unfair, and women have a crazy advantage over them. Sexual males, however, have as much, if not more, power than women."

"As a matter of fact, most women work very hard to become attractive."

The dating market is about value. To be successful you need to have it and you need to maintain it.

Firstly, women are inherently the more biologically valuable sex due to their ability to reproduce and this forms the basis for interactions - the women is deemed more in demand in dating/relationships.

Women are gifted this value - by birth and puberty. The features men find attractive - youth, good skin, eyes, hair, body etc are genetic gifts. She does nothing to earn it - zero effort on their part. Men, being sexually diverse in nature will automatically find more women attractive (of value). And this is the key issue you are skirting around - the develompent of value.

Most men have to work VERY HARD to BECOME attractive. A significant percentage of women JUST ARE attractive by their existence. You put one man and one woman of equal value side by side and odds are the man has had to work hard just to have the same 'sexy' value. Men have to have social skills, be charming, dominant, confident, have social status, good body and dress sense. women just need to be attractive, feminine and youthful. Dress sense helps but is hardly essential. Earning your 'sexy' value as a man is HARD WORK, trial and error, direct and public rejection. To become that sexual male you talk about is harder than the equivalent sexual female. A women doesn't become, she JUST IS.

Secondly, there is maintenance of value. Women going shopping for clothes, taking hours getting ready etc are not 'building' value they are maintaining/maximising existing value. Women while in competition with each other, are not in DIRECT COMPETITION - there is no physical/direct social conflict where one wins and loses and hence earns the right to be more attractive to the opposite sex. Further, while preparing for a night out takes time, it is essentially the same repetitive non-competitive effort - doing make up doesn't take the risk of them losing public face or value. Learning how to do make up takes much less time and effort.

Men also have to maintain/maximise their value but there is a lot more effort and crucially, DIRECT COMPETITION. Maintaining social status, being successful, leading interactions, keeping fit (after already building their physique) etc. So while women focus more on maintenance/maximisation than men do, not only is there is much less effort associated than with having to BUILD VALUE in the first place, but also less effort in maintaining value than men.

"Yet women cannot just sleep with any available man; a lot of restrictions have been put on women in most cultures around the world. They are not allowed to have sex with every man they desire, and they are not allowed to have many different partners or be open about their sexuality in public without being judged."

I know this is a central tenet of girlschase but I disagree that 'judgement' is purely social in origin. All social norms originally derive from our biology and there is a very good reason societies have encouraged it - men instinctively find it repulsive if a woman is free with her sexuality because it signals the risk that any children she bears to him will not be him. A big risk. Also, as you mentioned above, a big percentage of men aren't attractive to women, so its hardly the imposition you're making it out to be. Women know its a risk to be seen as promiscuous because it reduces her chances of snagging a beta provider - this is deceptive self interest in action.

The truth is the biggest 'slut shamers' are other women. All women have a vested interst in keeping the price of sex high in order to extract maximium value from beta providers.

I do enjoy girlschase and a lot of the stuff here is of great value, but your argument about difficulty in dating is flawed.

Petr's picture

Honestly, as you said, we are replacable. The ultimate problem lies in a fact, that: We need personality to get them. They need personality to keep us around. While their looks are what attracts us to them. To me, thing is, not many men are really that experienced. I mean, they have all these girlfriends, they talk with them, with other men they see only as friends. They get their social skills handled pretty fast. And then... working out, reading magazines, testing out clothes. I do not see that as a hard work. You dont need anyone for that. You just have to put in time. But if your skills suck, like mine, you need someone you can practice with. So you go out, talk with new people and feel so retarded that it is quite overwhelming if you are not ready for that. Eventually, you just have to stop and recharge your batteries.

I draw. It is not work for me, I am bettering myself during that. Same with working out. I do it, because I like that feeling when I am going home, how it hurts, how my posture is different and I get this smile on my face that is like a rock and I cant change it. I cant just ... start to frown. It is not work. Work is when I suck and I know I should talk to this girl, because I am socially retarded. Work is, when you have to put yourself out of your comfort zone. Maybe there is a language barrier for "work" word, but .. well.. working on yourself is not usually working. You do that because you want to be better. If some people do not want to be better than yes, let them think it is work.

I understand that it may be harder for the girl once she sleeps with the guy who seems to be good boyfriend candidate to tame him. But she can just say "he is a man, he just wanted sex" then get upset and sad as we do when they tell us they dont see us as lovers or boyfriend material. Still, she got sex. You guys say how they LOVE sex. They are getting something out of it even tho they get frustrated. We do not. We have our hope shattered, we invested in them, because there are guys like I used to be who dont even think they have other men in their lifes.

Anonymous's picture

Truth is, women have it wayyy easier than men. Even "sexy" men. They can get laid anytime they want. They can get all the validation they want (just make an online account and post some pics). I don't necessarily think women don't have sex with multiple guys because they are afraid of getting shunned social, but because they (1) don't have as much testosterone as males, and thus are less urgent to mate, and (2) they KNOW they can get sex from quality men anytime they wish, therefore, she values sex way less than any average would. Supply and demand. And unless she's having sex with the entire football team and records it for the whole world to see, or has sex with too many guys in one area, then she needn't worry about been seen as a slut. I have known women who go to other countries on vacation twice a year. They go for a week and have sex with 7+ men!
Any man who has known a nymphomaniac knows just how much power women hold when it comes to sex. A nympho can sleep with more men in a year than most players will be able to sleep with women during their entire lifetime.

Women's lives are easier, period.