Constructing Your Sexy Vibe (and Making Girls Go Nuts)
I couldn’t believe it when she told me…
She was 25 years old and had a banging hot body… one that I was just about to peal out of her sexy, tight jeans. She had a belly button piercing and fake boobs… yet here she was lying next to me, telling me she was a virgin.
Just when you think nothing’s going to surprise you anymore… well, meeting women during the day truly is Forrest’s proverbial box of chocolates.
But, at least that explained why it had taken me a while to get together with her.
Most women will sleep with a guy the first night, so long as he sets the right frame as a sexual man and creates a sexy vibe… but if she’s never been with a guy before, it may take her a bit longer to get truly comfortable.
In one of my most recent articles, on the girl who says she has a boyfriend and why it doesn’t matter, I wrote about nymphomaniacs, strippers and party girls… and how much fun they can be. Today, I’ll talk a bit about the opposite end of the spectrum… and I’ll let you in on some of the secrets of hooking up with girls who are far less wild and far less experienced.
That can be a very interesting experience in its own right… in fact, one good friend of mine and fellow dating coach specializes in virgins… he gets a kick out of being the first man in a girl’s life and teaching her the ins and outs of one of the best things life has to offer.
But why would a virgin go with a professional seducer, out of all people?
The Ingredients of a Sexy Vibe
It’s crazy if you think about it… She had waited for 25 years for the right guy to come along, and somehow, a professional Casanova and dating coach should end up being that guy.
How is that possible?
There are three parts to the answer to that question… three magic bullets that will win you any girl’s heart (or other body part of your choice):
If you’ve ever had a consultation with me, you know that I strongly encourage my clients to not EVER lead girls on about their intentions. There is absolutely NO reason to lie to girls… in fact, it is EASIER to win this game with integrity than it is by deceiving women and abusing their emotions.
I tell girls what I’m all about… and I do it subtly. I don’t rub it in their faces, and I don’t parade other girls in front of them… in fact, when I’m with them, they’re the only woman in my universe. My phone is off. My eyes don’t stray. They have my FULL attention and I make them feel special… because they are. But I do tell them that I like being single and have no intention of committing… that I enjoy my freedom more than anything and that I think adventures are what makes life worth living.
You’d be surprised… girls know exactly what that means. They understand. They’re grateful that you’re being transparent. They know where they stand… often a guy looses a girl only because she’s not sure about his intentions… and she’d rather avoid confusion and messy communication.
You’ll often hear a girl say: “His honesty is REFRESHING.” Women appreciate it… and they won’t try to change your mind and box you into an exclusive relationship. If they like you, and they know they can trust you because you’re not hiding your intentions and your motives, almost all of them will go along for the ride and enjoy… even virgins.
The second reason why even a virgin would prefer to be with an experienced man is the very fact that he is experienced. He oozes a sexual vibe… once you get to that level, people will have one look at you and they can tell you get laid.
That IS attractive to women, make no mistake about it… it is a very subtle yet very powerful form of pre-selection.
I didn’t treat this girl like a friend… at least not all the time.
Talking to a girl as if she was just one of your buddies is a great rapport builder… but you need to make sure you always have a certain amount of a sexy vibe with sexual tension seething underneath the surface.
You pick her up at the landmark where you meet her, say hello and look into her eyes like you just gave her the best orgasm of her life.
You pull her in for a hug and hold for just a second longer than a friend would.
You close space during conversation and come just a little bit too close.
Your eyes move slowly and seductively as you give her a penetrating gaze, just before your eyes drift to her lips in mid conversation.
Often, simply thinking sexual thoughts as you’re with her can have that effect on your nonverbal communication.
Not horny thoughts, like “oh my God I wish I could sleep with this girl.” But sexual thoughts, like “she has NO IDEA how hard she is going to come two hours from now.”
For more advice on creating the right vibe with a girl, review my article about “The Success Factor” - it is THE corner stone of everything I do.
You have heard of Pareto’s Law before… the 80-20 Rule. It states that 80% of your results come from 20% of your efforts. 20% of your customers are going to create 80% of the revenue. 20% of your phone numbers are going to lead to 80% of your lays. The thing is, Pareto’s Law is often more a 90-10 Rule, or even a 95-5 Rule… and it also holds true for getting laid.
The top 5% of guys get 95% of the action when it comes to dating, sex and romance.
More on this, if you haven’t read these yet:
So what is holding 95% of guys back from being successful with women?
The answer is that they’re either too nice (the more common problem), or too macho.
You see, this isn’t a binary on-off one-zero thing… no one’s either a “nice guy” or a “bad boy.” There is an entire spectrum between these two things. The problem is that guys either are at one far end of that scale already, or they’re trying to be. For example, they might be way too nice, yet try hard to be perceived as “manly” by acting like a domineering idiot… because they read somewhere that girls like bad boys.
The guy who gets women like water from a faucet is the guy who has learned to strike the right balance between the two extremes. Yin and yang. He’s not in the least submissive… he never would supplicate to any woman, and he carries himself with confidence and purpose. Yet he’s also not an asshole… he looks after the people in his life, he’s generous and he wears his heart on his sleeve with the people he cares about.
Girls don’t like assholes… they just prefer them to the wet noodles that run after them kissing their behinds all day! Give them a better choice than either and they’ll take it in a heartbeat.
The bottom line is this: if you can combine the masculine sexuality of a James Dean with the genuine openness and vulnerability that gets girls to tell you their darkest secrets… then you have already won. It’s already over. If a girl thinks you’re a sexy man AND trusts you completely, she WILL sleep with you, just about 100% of the time.
And that’s how come girls wait 25 years before they lose their virginity and then finally pick a total Lothario with a show-stoppingly sexy vibe for the experience…
Boots on the Ground
But first things first… let’s rewind back to the “day in the life” series I’ve been writing, so I can paint some context about how I met, dated and eventually hooked up with this girl… that should shed some more light on the ins and outs of how to build any dating life style you could ever dream of.
I’ve mentioned in previous articles that the weather can be a huge factor in how well your pickups are going to go… on a sunny day, more people will be out and about, and they will be in a friendlier and more receptive mood.
The day I met the virgin from this report, it was overcast and kind of chilly and rainy. I went out against my better judgment, because I really wanted to meet some girls… a far cry from what my life had been like when I first started learning this stuff.
Back then, any excuse not to have to put myself through the fear of the approach and the humiliation of rejection would have been VERY welcome. But eventually your fear turns into addiction… if you just stick with it long enough.
A second thing I had working against me that day was that I wasn’t well rested. I hadn’t gotten a lot of sleep, the night before, and having the right amount of energy is CRUCIAL to picking up girls… because your ability to control your vibe depends largely on the amount of pure, raw physical force you have:
- What shape you’re in.
- How healthy your food is
- How well-rested you are.
... and in the case of that last one, it wasn’t on my side here.
For the math geeks among you (I love anything that makes logical sense… simply because most things don’t, in this world!):
C = E * (S + P)
(If you’re having flashbacks to your junior year trigonometry class
right now, just bear with me, it gets clearer in a moment)
Charisma (that’s the "C" above) is defined as the amount of energy ("E") you have combined with the emotional state ("S") you are in (or, if you’ve read the Success Factor Series, the emotional state you put yourself in!), combined with your ability to project ("P") that state onto other people by being extroverted and in communication with your environment.
In any case, I found three girls I really liked that day. The first approach wasn’t very smooth… I just didn’t put my best foot forward, though luckily this girl happened to just be into me. That will happen sometimes… there are approaches where you do everything right, but you’re simply not her type… and sometimes, you awkwardly fumble your way through, not a shred of that sexy vibe you’re trying to project in sight, but she just thinks you’re totally cute and comes out on a date with you anyway.
The second approach went nowhere as she had an engagement ring, and then the third girl I met that day was the virgin…
It was already after dark when I approached her, and that is really a double-edged sword. In most places, the best time to approach girls is around sunset or later, because the mood, at night, is simply more flirtatious and sensual for some reason… but in big mega metropolis cities, the ones that are most abundant in women to chat up, people will often be on guard once it’s dark because they might think you’re trying to stick them up.
She was no different and quite skeptical at first… the vulnerability vibe I described above helped to solve that problem. She was just about to get on stage, and so I chatted for two minutes before exchanging numbers and letting her go.
When I got home, I decided to take a day completely off to just chill and recharge my batteries before going out again. If you want to be at your best, if you want to be able to be charismatic and shine it at girls like an eye-blinding football stadium floodlight, well, generally… you need to be well-rested.
Women are Idiots…
…when it comes to logistics.
I had my first date with this girl on a Tuesday evening, but we only had two hours together as she had a dance rehearsal later on. You’d have to create one heck of a vibe with a girl to get her back to your place, sleep with her and get your clothes back on in a mere 120 minutes… it’s possible, but a tall order with a virgin.
Not that she had told me yet at that point, but you learn to read women, how open they are, where you stand with them and what you need to do next to stair step the interaction along towards your overall goal and objective (i.e., her orgasm first, and then yours, in this case).
The second time she wanted to see me, she sent me a text about meeting at some park far away from the city center (and hence my apartment)… and there is simply no way to sleep with girls if you don’t have a private place to do it.
I ignored the message completely as if I had never received it, and sent her an invitation to meet me closer to my abode three days later… something I had learned from one of my mentors of seduction back when I was still a student: if she does or says anything that does not further your goal and objective (see above), IGNORE IT.
You don’t need to argue with it, debate her on it or even reply at all… simply ignore.
We finally set our second date a few days later… but once more, nothing transpired. After having a coffee with her, I took her back to my place, but just before we started to break the Bible’s laws and engage in premarital naughtiness (hey… if you don’t sin, Jesus died in vain… we wouldn’t want that now, would we?), her phone rang and her brother asked her to pick him up somewhere.
And so it was to be the third date.
What a cliché, no?
This time I made sure the date would BEGIN at my place… I invited her straight over to make a cocktail together and toast to our goodbye, as I was about to go overseas for a while.
And if you have a girl in your apartment and you’re having drinks together… and you have a sexual vibe while also being open and vulnerable enough around her to allow her to trust you fully, there are only so many ways the situation can end… even if she’s a virgin.
And so, at some point, with all her clothes still on, she asked me if I had a condom… and then confessed that she had never done this before.
So Why’d She End Up with ME?
Here’s a girl most guys would jump through hoops for. A vixen with a smoking body, who dances and has a dancer’s cut and a dancer’s moves, who’s held onto her virginity for a whopping 25 years… and she picks Ricardus, professional dating coach to lose her virginity to?
Was she out of her mind?
Well, not quite.
A lot of girls do lose their virginity to high school sweethearts, or early college romances. Lots of times it’s because he kept bugging her about it, and she just figured, “Why not?”
But sometimes a girl holds onto it for whatever reason - it could be she’s religious; it could be she didn’t meet the right guy. It could be her sex drive isn’t really all that high, and she’s just never had much desire to find out what it feels like to be with a man.
But whatever the reason, people change, and people can be changed.
Changing her mind is, after all, a woman’s perogative, isn’t it?
So just because she was adamant at holding onto her virginity at 24
doesn’t mean she can’t make a total 180 at 25 and decide, “Screw it;
everybody else says it’s so great, it’s time I joined the club and find
out what this is all about.”
And when you think about it, it makes sense:
- A girl who’s as inexperienced as they come when it comes to sex
- A girl who’s probably spent years turning down one guy after another
- A girl who’s so used to guys trying and failing to get her she
Who’s she more likely to end up with - a guy who doesn’t know what
he’s doing, or a guy who’s trained
himself rigorously with women for years, who’s exuding his sexy vibe out the wazoo,
and who knows what he’s doing with her inside and out?
Easy answer, right?
Live (and Love!) with Passion
Before we wrap this post up, I want to leave you with one final lesson today, one more little takeaway that you can use IMMEDIATELY to improve your interactions with girls. You see, after we had sex, she commented that the thing she liked most about me was my passion about life.
She said she had never met such an optimistic person before… and that did really not surprise me. Most people really do live lives of quiet desperation, in the words of the great Thoreau… and if you give them the chance to experience a true adventure, they’ll jump at it.
In fact, this is ONE TRAIT that I see in common in all my friends who are either dating coaches or simply very, very successful with girls even if they’re not teaching seduction: they are all predominantly positive, they’re excited about life, and in the words of Tony Robbins, they live with passion.
How could a girl not want to be a part of that… especially after a day in her cubicle?
Create the life of your dreams… then invite girls along for the ride.
If you just implement this one piece of advice, you will have so many dates that you won’t even need this blog anymore (there I go, making myself redundant again!).
Onward and upward,
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