Fundamentals of NLP: Outcome, Acuity, Flexibility
from Chase: Drexel Scott is joining our site as a longtime NLP
practitioner and very experienced ladies' man. His approaches to women
and psychology are intuitive and often quite insightful - I first
really got to get to know him on introduction from Alek. I think and
hope you'll enjoy reading his stuff, as he brings yet another flavor to
the Girls Chase canon. Here's Drexel's first article with us, on the
basics of NLP.
Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) is a communication technique that taps into the inner workings of the mind, allowing for the drawing out of emotions, the seeding of ideas, and the tipping of the scales ever so slightly in the direction you want them to go in any one-on-one (or sometimes more) social interaction you choose to employ it in. While the more advanced areas of NLP require a good bit of training and understanding to execute successfully, some of the more beginner-level aspects of it are very useful for even the casual dabbler in giving himself a social edge.
It has been said that, if NLP could be taught in a five-minute seminar, it would contain three simple slides. Those three slides would be:
This simple organization is the skeleton for NLP’s basic method of setting and attaining goals. Of course, it is more complicated than that, and I’ll explain each of the three terms at considerable length in just a moment. As with all skills you learn, develop, or build, your require a solid foundation on which everything else can rest.
In NLP, that foundation is made up of those three principles mentioned above, and expanded upon below.
NLP Principle #1: Outcome
The first step in the process of learning how to get what you want is, quite simply, to know what you want in the first place! Though the reasons for this may be obvious to some of you, it is worth taking a look at this idea a little more in-depth.
To understand why it’s so important to decide on your desired outcome ahead of time, it can be important to realize that without the ability to know where you’re going, you’d never know how to get there.
For example, let’s say you want to start exercising. That’s a great goal, but by itself isn’t going to get you too far. Sure, you’re feeling motivated to hit the gym right now, as you can imagine all the wonderful benefits a great body will bring to your life, but how can you keep yourself motivated without having a destination in mind? In this example, some example goals could be:
- Losing weight
- Gaining mass
- Hitting a specific body fat percentage
- Achieving certain measurements for certain parts of your body
By formulating the goal more specifically, you open up the next step in the process, which is to figure out what you’ll need in order to get there. If your goal is simply “exercising,” that doesn’t leave you with a direction to figure out how much or how little to eat, or what type of exercise program to use… right? So before you can start deciding how you’re going to attack your goal, you need to know what it is in the first place.
A ship at sea, with no destination, is lost.
So, an intelligent man who decides to learn pickup is also going to choose a goal ahead of time. I’ll provide you with a brief list of possible goals off the top of my head, though I’m sure you can imagine more:
- Having sex with a girl
- Getting a girl you had sex with to have sex with you again
- Getting into a monogamous relationship (girlfriend or wife)
- Getting into an open relationship
- Having two friends with benefits
- Having an open girlfriend and one friend with benefits on the side
- Having a small harem of uncommitted sexual options
Again, these are just some options, and if your goal(s) for pickup aren’t on that list, feel free to add your own that suits you better.
In the language of NLP, we also talk about “ecological goals.” What that means is simply that the best goals you can create for yourself benefit other people, too.
An example of a goal that isn’t very ecological might be making money by stealing it. It benefits you, because you get more money. But it doesn’t benefit the person you’re stealing from, because they’re losing money.
A more ecological view on the goal of making more money could be “to create more value for others and sell it at a fair price.” Such a goal is considered ecological, because you benefit by making money, and others benefit from the value you’ve created for them.
In pickup, a goal that is not ecological might be “to have lots of babies, conquering the known world by spreading your seed far and wide without ever helping to raise the kids.” It benefits you, because your genes have a higher chance of moving into the next generation. But it certainly doesn’t benefit the girl who has to raise your child, the government which has to help pay for it to be supported, or the population as a whole.
An example of a good, ecological pickup goal might be to “create mutually beneficial relationships.” By doing so, you win because you have a great relationship. The girl wins because she has a great relationship too. The whole world wins because, hey, the world will be a better place if more people create and maintain amazing relationships.
So while the idea of “ecology” is a bit advanced, it’s simultaneously fundamental to the creation of good goals, which will really allow you to go after the things you want in a healthy way that does not take value from other people and that actually give you more long-term stability in your goals and better enable you to attract allies in carrying them out, as well.
NLP Principle #2: Acuity
Acuity is a technical term that simply means “have awareness of whether what you’re doing is bringing you closer to your goal, pushing it farther away, or doing nothing at all.”
As an example of this, let’s say you’re young, you’re inexperienced with women, and your goal is simply to lose your virginity. Let’s also say that, throughout the course of the day, you find yourself engaged in activities ranging from playing video games, to reading books, to hitting the gym.
Now, using your acuity, you should be able to identify which of those activities is bringing you closer to losing your virginity, which is pushing the goal farther away, and which is kind of neutral.
Are video games bringing you closer to losing your virginity? No. Acuity is the ability to realize that playing video games is not conducive to your goal, and then altering your behavior to better suit your needs — but I’ll cover that in the next section.
Is reading bringing you closer to losing your virginity? Well, it could be. You could argue it’s making you a smarter person, improving your worldview, or teaching you new skills. Fair enough! I suppose it depends on what you’re reading.
Is going to the gym bringing you closer to your goal? Absolutely! When you start to work out, you can immediately begin to notice all the fantastic effects it has on your body and mind: you look better, you feel better, and it raises your testosterone as well, turning you into a more aggressive, assertive, dominant man. All-around win, and all of those things are definitely going to improve your chances to put your V-card back in the deck.
To take another example, let’s say your original goal was to have two (2) friends with benefits. You meet a girl, you have sex with her, and she turns out to be a returning customer whose company you thoroughly enjoy. Attaining one friend with benefits is, of course, bringing you closer to the goal of having two friends with benefits. Were you to cut contact with and move on from your new friend with benefits, you’d be back to zero, and — while it may be perfectly warranted given her situation — it would technically bring you farther from your goal.
The ability to know whether what you’re doing brings you closer to your goal seems like an obviously good thing, yet I’ve been stunned to see many guys making exactly the same mistakes in pickup over and over, refusing to believe that they’re failing because they’re doing something wrong, and then going back in with the exact same game plan and failing yet again.
The very definition of insanity is “Doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result.”
Which brings us to…
NLP Principle #3: Flexibility
So up to this point, you have been able to identify or choose a goal, and you have also taken note of what is likely to help you succeed. The last step is the tricky one, and this is where a lot of guys seem to run into the most trouble:
If what you’re doing isn’t working, you need to do something else. Anything else.
Ross Jeffries, one of the founders of the modern seduction movement, once said, “Persistence without flexibility is a recipe for disaster.”
Flexibility just means “try different things if what you’re doing isn’t working.”
Everyone reading this, on some level, has flexibility: the approach with women that society taught you wasn’t working, you probably tried it a lot, and eventually decided to seek out other ways to get what you want that have a better chance of success.
Merely taking the Red Pill and abandoning traditional dating paradigms is flexible in and of itself.
But flexibility applies on a micro, interactional, person-to-person level at its core.
Well, you would use your acuity to notice how she’s responding. Is she engaged? Trying to make conversation?
Or is she bored out of her skull, playing with her phone and trying to think of an escape plan?
If it were the latter, you would want to remember to be flexible and change it up a bit. You’d start telling stories, jokes, maybe try acting more cocky and arrogant… and then you’d use your acuity again and notice if she’s responding differently.
When you land on something that’s working… stick with it!
If she responds to cool, be cool.
If she responds to cocky, be cocky.
And the ability to be flexible, guys, goes beyond the initial pickup as well.
Should you get into a relationship, there will be times when some sort of conflict arises. It may or may not be directed at you. For this example, let’s say her cat died and she’s been upset all day over it.
As she’s crying and upset, you quickly make your goal to help her feel better.
So maybe you make some jokes.
Maybe something like, “Yeah, it always sucks to lose a perfectly good pussy.”
If she laughs, you keep making jokes because it’s obviously moving you closer towards your goal of helping her feel better. If she gives you a “no way, you did not just say that” look, to continue making pussy jokes would be inflexible, mean, and would actually take you farther from your goal.
I hope these examples are helping you to put these pieces together and really see how it all fits.
So it is my hope that, after reading this, you can have a basic understanding of a way of thinking fundamental to NLP: you pick a goal, you try stuff, you notice whether it’s working, and then you either adjust or do more of the same based on how the other person is responding.
And really, that is a fundamentally socially savvy way of thinking — a problem solving way of thinking — too.
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