No matter your self-improvement goal, there is one thing that will make or break you. That one thing is feeling good, synonymous with such concepts as being healthy or having a positive state and vibe.
What it essentially means is that you walk around with a smile on your face, eyes aglitter, radiating positive energy and lifting the vibrations of those around you simply by them coming into your energy field.
The reasons for this are many, but to keep it simple, this is such an important concept because stress will literally kill you. It will make you negative, it will increase cortisol production in your body, and destroy body tissue. None of these things is conducive to achieving your goals.
The Way You Feel
Think back to a time when you were technically “doing everything right”, but the girl just wasn’t feeling it. How did you feel? Were you “in the zone?” Were you radiating joy? I’d hazard a guess that you actually felt self-conscious, nervous, stressed, or frustrated – and this is what the girl picked up on.
Likewise, I’m sure you can think of a time or two when you said some stupid things, made horribly inappropriate jokes and comments, and the girl couldn’t stop eating it up. She loved every racist, sexist, offensive remark that left your mouth.
Why did it work? Simple. Your carefree energy at the time was infectious, and this is what she was picking up on – instead of the informational content you were communicating.
There is a biological basis for this phenomenon. Mirror neurons, quite simply, are the part of your brain often touted as “how empathy happens”. Your mind picks up on the vibrations of those you interact with and causes you to take on, or reflect, the qualities of that vibe. This is why, for example, being horny yourself can often cause a girl to be horny around you, even if she has no idea why. She just feels it – because you do.
This dynamic is always in effect, which is why it’s always important to feel good, first and foremost.
Full disclosure here: I’ve struggled with depression in the past. Many moons ago, it got to the point where I’d try pretty much any drug that could potentially make me feel better (with certain exceptions that seemed too dangerous even for me). And to nobody’s surprise... none of these worked! Sure, you feel better for a little while, or you feel nothing at all – which, to someone in a depressive state, is still “better”. But once the drug starts to wear off, more often than not, you crash (which feels worse than where you started), and then you wind up back at your baseline.
Well, after trying all manner of tricks and studying many methods for how to improve my mood, I’ve learned that the best ways to feel happier turns out to be quick, painless, legal, and, best of all, free!
So what follows is a list I encourage you to think back to next time you’re feeling down, because I know from years of experience that, simply put, these things work. Here are my four favorite ways to start feeling better right away:
#1: Go Tell Three Friends What You Appreciate About Them
I know what you’re thinking... “How can that possibly make me feel better?” Well, I think it works in a few ways:
First, people who are depressed tend to isolate. So simply by opening your mouth and speaking to other humans you kick off the basic need for socialization that we all have to one extent or another. It’s a quick and easy way to pull yourself out of your head, which is the only place anything “bad” is happening to begin with.
Second, it will instantly put your friends in a highly appreciative mood. Since most humans have the capacity for empathy hardwired into their brains, you will begin to feel what they are feeling, and the effects will transfer back to you. You’re literally creating feelings in others, which then get absorbed by your own brain.
Third, it requires a radical shift in thinking. It forces you out of the dangerous depressive thought-loop of seeing only the negative, and into a much more productive one wherein you’re able to see the good in things once more. Just by making that shift, your mood will begin to improve.
Lastly, there is a general rule about feelings that simply states, “You go first.” What this boils down to is when you give someone else a feeling, you tend to feel it first (as your body and mind prepare to “send” it in someone else’s direction). Have you ever noticed how miserable you feel when you criticize someone else? If not, pay close attention next time. On the other side of the coin, when you compliment other people it changes the energy inside of you into a much more positive vibration. You literally can’t help but feel better, but only if you really mean what you say and deliver the message genuinely.
Here’s another trick I learned which I often find myself utilizing:
#2: Out Loud, List Five Things You’re Grateful For
Again, this is one of those things that probably won’t make much sense until you try it for yourself. I learned this from working with young people with mood disorders; it was an exercise I’d have them do every night. Years later, I learned it’s also a Hawaiian custom (even down to the exact number five!).
Like the last one, this is so effective because it requires a drastic inner paradigm shift. And again, like the last one, it causes your brain to start looking for the good instead of the bad. Just by doing that, there is a “momentum” effect, and after you do this exercise you’ll be feeling grateful and appreciative of the things around you and in the immediate future.
Lastly, it’s useful as a reminder. Just when you thought everything sucked and life wasn’t worth living – if you’re feeling really low – saying five things out loud that you’re grateful for will help remind you of those things, and, since gratitude is a powerful positive motivator (perhaps more than any other) it will help make you feel better.
Try it and see.
#3: Remember a Time You Felt Great
This one is a trick I learned from the works of Milton Erickson, who, when he lived, was America’s foremost hypnotherapist. He used to hypnotize subjects into various states by having them vividly recall a time they felt the intended state, and helping them re-enter that experience completely. Erickson’s work is the foundation of what the seduction community calls “Speed Seduction”. It takes a little more work than other methods, but it still takes effect within a matter of minutes when done right.
Here’s how it works:
First, you pick a feeling you want to have. Strong? Confident? Powerful? Peaceful? Happy? You pick one; that’s your starting point. Let’s say, for this example, you’ve chosen to feel confident.
So what you would want to do is close your eyes and pick a “scene” from your past; a memory of a time when you were truly feeling confident. Take a few seconds to recall all the various parts of that scene: where you were, who you were with, what you were wearing, what other people were wearing, what the temperature was like, what position your body was in, etc.
Then, once you have all the details figured it, you immerse yourself completely in the scene. And I do mean “completely”. Engage all of your senses. Looking THROUGH YOUR OWN EYES – which is highly important – see all the things you saw. Actually hear the sounds in your mind. Feel the temperature on your skin. Taste the flavors, if there was food involved, and recall all the smells.
As you do that, remember to breathe deeply and place yourself completely in the scene. Just re-experience all the sensory details, for a few minutes, and you’ll soon begin to notice yourself feeling different. Maybe you notice your breathing changing, perhaps it’s the rate of your pulse you feel beginning to change, or maybe you even begin to notice a little smile appearing on your face.
After a short while, when you open your eyes and “come back” to the present, all the vestiges of that memory will be coursing through you, and, if you followed the instructions I laid out above, you’ll feel confident again after just a few minutes.
#4: Visualize Yourself Having a Great Time
As I mentioned in my last article on how to achieve your goals, affirmations and visualizations are powerful tools in your toolbox. And as effective as they are in keeping you motivated in the long run, they’re also a great thing to do when you’re planning a night on the town.
For example, if you’re planning on practicing meeting women, it can be extremely helpful to vividly imagine what kind of night you’re going to have.
Down to the smallest detail, see the looks of joy on women’s faces when you talk to them. Feel them touching your arm or playfully punching you as you win them over with your charm and humor.
Hear their voices complimenting you, in whatever capacity you wish to be complimented. See them playing with their hair and hear them giggling at your jokes.
Not only will this instill the best possible energy in you as you allow the resulting feelings to flow through your mind and body, but you will also manifest what you’ve visualized. You are always creating, so by doing these exercises you are setting your own expectations for the evening.
Unless you live in a cave, you’ve probably heard the phrase “Abracadabra.” You may not have known it until now, but abracadabra is actually an Aramaic word which translates to “I create what I speak.”
So see all good, hear all good, and speak all good. You will lift your spirits immensely and set a fantastic tone for whatever adventure you care to create.
These four quick tips to boosting your mood are a great thing to do before you go out at night, or even during the day, if you’re planning on meeting new people and having an awesome time doing it.
Not only will you have a better time, but you’ll notice that somehow, magically, all the people you run into seem to be in great moods as well.
That’s because feelings are contagious. You are a center of gravity. When you feel powerfully, those in your orbit pick up on your energy and their states begin to match yours.
Next time you’re feeling less than ideal, try one or all of them out and see how quickly you can bring yourself up to the next level.
At this point, I should probably address what some of you are thinking:
”But Drexel, I’ve gone out on nights I felt terrible and didn’t even want to go… and had great success!”
In fact, Chase wrote an entire article dedicated to the idea that “state” is not quite as important as some would believe.
And in a certain context, that is absolutely true: you don’t have to be in a good mood before you leave the house (though you’ll probably have more fun if you are).
However, the ability to control your emotional state at will is a highly important skill, regardless of how and where you choose to use it.
For example, let’s say you hit it off with a sexy new woman. If you start to sweat and stammer, you’ll blow it for yourself (and her)! You need to control and contain your excitement, returning yourself to a calm and collected state of your own volition (at least at first).
Likewise, if you’re overexcited when things get intimate… well, many guys have been there and understand what can happen in that scenario.
Lastly, state control – and being able to return to feeling good at your own command – can be highly useful during setbacks. Say a girl doesn’t return your text.
Before you read our article telling you exactly how to handle that, why not return yourself to a productive and resourceful emotional state? Not only will you feel better about yourself and the world by doing so, but you’ll also be more receptive to what you’re learning because there won’t be all that anxiety clogging up your mind.
So there you have it: why it’s important to control your emotional state and go back to feeling good when failing to do so could hinder your accomplishments.
Have fun and feel great,