Dating

It's easier to get a girl to agree to a date or to go to your place if what you suggest feels familiar to her. But how do you trigger that feeling of familiarity? By seeding your suggestion first.

Recently I spoke with a friend who's back in the field after some time off, trying to shake off the rust. He's gone on a lot of dates but had trouble closing the deal with girls. And he mentioned his usual process for getting alone with a woman right now.

What he's doing, typically, is taking girls on a date, then later going for a walk with them, only to 'just happen' to end up right outside his building. He'll then invite them up.

Except most of the time they balk. Other times they'll go up with him, but resist kissing, and leave soon after he kisses them or tries to. He started to wonder if he might not be asking women to make too big a decision ("Go into this guy's place and get intimate, yes or no?") on the spot.

So I reminded him about seeding.

Seeding is a tool you can use to make it easier to get women onto dates and back to your place (or you to theirs).

It works by making women feel 'familiar' with the thing you want to propose, by introducing it earlier, before the decision point. Seeding a request or invite before you make it removes the 'on the spot' feeling when you do propose something, so a woman does not feel as if she suddenly must decide whether or not to do something then and there.

If you know how to seed dates and pulls with women, and you seed often, you'll discover let-downs like my friend has, where you bring a woman by your place and invite her up, only to run into a 'no', largely evaporate. Instead you get girls to agree before you even start on your way, and find they're bought-in by the time you arrive.

One of the things that dawns on you after years of cold approaching is that some women are much easier to date and bed than other women are. Further, it dawns on you that the factors that make a woman easier to date and bed are not always ones obvious to guys who don't approach a lot of women.

You learn counterintuitive truths like that very beautiful women are nicer and friendlier to strangers than mediocre-looking women are. Or that the most physically attractive women usually try to blend in more, while the most eye-catching women tend to be lower down on the looks scale but are far more deliberately flashy. You learn it's usually better to move faster than it is to wait around until some girl is 'ready' to date you (which, if it doesn't happen fast, most likely won't ever happen). You discover women have more respect for men who challenge them and ask them for favors than they do for men who go out of their ways to do favors for them.

You learn to look for signs a woman wants you to approach, as well as for signs you should stay away from her. You learn to tell how a girl shows interest in you and which women want you for sex.

Another thing you figure out, sooner or later, is how important the size of a woman's dating pool is to the odds you date or sleep with her.

If you want to learn dating, the key is to gain experience. But you don’t have to learn everything directly. These pro tips will save you a lot of pain and suffering.

To learn dating and be successful at it, you need experience. There might be a few lucky (or unlucky) guys who married their high school sweeties, but for most of us, it’s trial and error.

But can you even learn dating to an extent that your life will be significantly improved? Yes, you can. And you should.

In this article, when I say “learn dating,” I don’t mean knowing whether to show up 15 minutes early or 15 minutes late, or whether to wait three days afterward to text again. I'm talking about dating a girl who’s addicted to meth, and now her drug-dealing ex-boyfriend feels you owe him a kidney.

To be clear, it's not our intention to feed your cynicism when it comes to women and dating, but to help you prepare for some very real situations that will seriously trip you up if you're not prepared. If thus far in your dating life your cynicism has boiled up to the point of overflowing, these articles will help you understand where women are coming from:

• Understanding Women: It's Not as Hard as You Think
• “Women Are Evil”
• Women Are Emotional (But Not Irrational) – The Method Behind the Madness
• A Few Thoughts on MGTOW: Men Going Their Own Way

Either way, if you're looking for some great tips that will save you a lot of sanity, read on.

Dates can be a major stressor for guys. Especially if you don't have  a lot of dates, or you put pressure on yourself, it can be hard to get out of that. Going out to meet new women can also be a big stressor. You can put a lot of pressure on yourself to succeed, and get in your head about it.

There's a neat little way you can make both of these a whole lot less stressing, however. It just takes a bit of scheduling to do.

If you use this scheduling tactic, it'll give you other benefits aside from the stress reduction. It'll let you give yourself multiple chances to succeed with women on any given day. Further, it'll let your later interactions piggyback on momentum from your earlier ones... and your earlier ones relax quite a bit because you know you have more coming up.

What the tactic is is to schedule dates and pickup time one after another on the same day.

Getting a girl’s number doesn’t mean crap. It means absolutely nothing.

You need to focus on something else entirely.

If you’re focused on getting her IG, Snap, WhatsApp, phone number… you’re doing it wrong.

I promise.

This is what you need to focus on.

With certain types of relationships, don’t expect things to go back to business as usual after she returns from a vacation or is away from you very long.

Over the years as you grow in the game and experience more women, you see many patterns in male and female dynamics. Men and women have different agendas. A woman’s ultimate agenda is to find and keep a provider, especially one who is high-value (but still attainable) and one she can commit to monogamously.

Monogamy is virtually the only acceptable social frame for a woman as far as dating and relationships go. Other relationship models likely don’t fit so well with the world view held by her family, friends, and peers. So she most likely always has the monogamy goal in mind, despite what she’s doing with a guy or guys in the moment.

If you’re in a committed, monogamous, and stable relationship that’s going well (this is an important condition distinction), you might not experience the pattern I describe below. Similarly, if you’re dating a girl but haven’t yet slept with her, you might be able to avoid this situation. Finally, if she already has a provider, you’re just having sex, and she’s not emotionally intertwined, you can escape unharmed.

However, for nearly every other scenario, a girl taking a vacation without you equates to the impending doom of whatever it is you have going with her. I’ve found that when a girl you’re seeing takes a vacation — like a 1-2 week vacation to a faraway place — there’s a good chance you won’t see her again. At least your relationship can fundamentally change once she returns from her trip.

This concept applies mostly to these setups:

• F-buddies
• Friends with benefits
• Open relationships
• Multiple long-term relationships (mLTRs)
• Rocky monogamous relationships
• Just started dating, five dates or less

It’s also true regardless of how much you both communicate with each other during the trip. This naturally tends to dip a little during trips per the nature of the above setups.

It can be a strange phenomenon to observe. But we have to remember that when a woman sees you regularly, she feels emotionally tied to you, especially if you’re giving her a great experience.

This fades away once she experiences a little distance.