Which Women Want Sex? Here's How to Tell


women want sexIn a fascinating study by Kristina M. Durante of the University of Texas, Austin's Department of Psychology et al., entitled "Changes in Women's Choice of Dress Across the Ovulatory Cycle: Naturalistic and Laboratory Task-Based Evidence," researchers identified a finding that's at once something you probably already guessed was the case, but never saw hard evidence for before: that when women want sex, they dress for it.

Here're the findings of the research:

“Although each data source supported the prediction, the authors found the most dramatic changes in clothing choice in the illustrations [of what each woman would wear out that night]. Ovulatory shifts in clothing choice were moderated by sociosexuality, attractiveness, relationship status, and relationship satisfaction. Sexually unrestricted women, for example, showed greater shifts in preference for revealing clothing worn to the laboratory near ovulation. The authors suggest that clothing preference shifts could reflect an increase in female—female competition near ovulation.”

In other words, when women want sex as they approach the time of the month when they're fertile, they dress more provocatively to attract more male attention and out-compete other females.

When it comes to ways to tell if a girl is horny though, this is just the tip of the iceberg.

 

Understanding That Women Want Sex

women want sexBefore I dive into this article in detail though, I want to cover something first: the question in many men's heads of, "Do women actually want sex?"

There are a lot of men on Planet Earth who seem to function under the belief that women don't actually like sex all that much, nor do they want it that much. No matter that any biological organism having an entire gender not liking sex probably wouldn't make it past its first generation, these men cling stubbornly to this belief of icy, unemotional women who only want to... talk, or something. Women themselves maintain this myth in the minds of many men by insisting that, gross, men are so sex-obsessed, and that of course they aren't interested in sex... hell, they don't even like it that much!

Traditionally, this has been because women have been under a lot of pressure to maintain a veil of chastity and purity in order to have higher social status and to get men to work harder to please those women to get what they want (sex).

However, the balance in power in the dating market has significantly shifted following the women's liberation and free love movements in the West, and women have begun playing men's game instead of inviting men to play theirs. It's a lot more common these days to hear women openly admit to enjoying sex - whereas before, a woman used to pretend not to be interested at all to make a man really chase hard, nowadays the strategy has shifted to, "Yeah, I'm interested... but maybe not in YOU. Impress me."

This is actually for competitive reasons; a woman saying, "I'm not interested in that at ALL!" these days gets zero male attention, because there are so many women saying, "Yeah, I'm interested... if you're the right guy;" it's similar to price wars in economics - once enough people go lower than the previous floor price, everyone's got to follow suit or risk being shut out of the market. Of course, then you have the problem that the buyers (men) start thinking they're getting cheap goods (women) because the price is so low, and the sellers (women) start feeling like they're getting a lot less in return (the amount of investment and valuation men give them) for their goods (their sex / a relationship), and everyone ends up unsatisfied, but that's a bigger discussion than this article's focused on.

The points I want to make here are:

  • Women are biological creatures just like men, driven to mate just like men
  • Women instinctively hide their sex drive from judgmental men out of fear of being judged lower in value / quality / worth
  • Chances are, if you're under the belief women don't want sex, you're probably behaving in some way that's telling them they should hide that side of themselves from you, or else you'll judge them (and potentially risk damaging their reputation / chances with high quality men) - you'll want to figure out what that is and stop doing it, obviously

So yes... women want sex. And just like men, they have sex drives that are all over the map... some of them only get randy every now and again, while others are almost constantly ready to go, and have had so many different partners that they'd put most seducers to shame (they probably won't tell you that if they think you'll judge them, though).

But no matter who they are or what their drive is like, just about every woman wants to mate when she's fertile for impregnation. That's biology kicking in; her body's telling her, "Okay honey, this is our one shot this month to secure the next generation's continued existence; let's do it!"

And doing it is exactly what she wants to do.

But how do you know which women's bodies are primed for receiving, well, YOU - and which women are just out socializing?

 

How to Know When Women Want Sex

I've long looked at the hordes of men in nightclubs competing for the select few women scantily attired in short, flashy, glittery dresses, twisting and gyrating against each other to the music. "Those guys are damn fools," I'd say to myself, "they're competing with the entire nightclub when there are tons of women who are objectively more attractive than those girls, who aren't surrounded by overprotective friends and legions of drooling drunk guys, all over this place. They should be going after them."

But, as it turns out, those men may well have been onto something.

Martie G. Haselton and Kelly Gildersleeve of the University of California, Los Angeles put together a comprehensive aggregation of research studies of signals that men detect of women during their fertile period in their research "Can Men Detect Ovulation?"

The study opens with a reference to Miller, Tybur, and Jordan's 60-day 2007 study of the tips lap dancers received throughout their menstrual cycle, finding this about dancers not on the pill:

  • Dancers not on birth control received $350 in tips during high fertility
  • Dancers not on birth control received $260 in tips during low fertility
  • Dancers not on birth control received $180 in tips while menstruating

and this about dancers on the pill:

  • Dancers on birth control received $210 in tips during high fertility
  • Dancers on birth control received $190 in tips during low fertility
  • Dancers on birth control received $140 in tips while menstruating

Here's the infographic:

women want sex
Miller, Tybur, Jordan, 2007. Ovulatory cycle effects on tip earnings by lap dancers: economic evidence for human estrus?

Pretty wild, right? When women can't get pregnant, whether due to their cycle or due to birth control, men are decidedly less interested in sex with them than they are with women who can get pregnant.

Like we discussed in "Best Ways to Pick Up Girls," the birth control pill can have an incredibly powerful effect on a woman's desirability to men, and the kinds of men women feel themselves attracted to. Because of the dampening effect the pill has on women's natural hormones - and because the hormones at work in your brain really do effect the way you think, perceive, and navigate the world - a girl who's on the pill and a girl who's off it really are like two different people (and, as we discussed, a woman can often end up being very unhappy with the man she's selected once she goes off the pill and she begins reassessing him according to her natural, non-pill preferences).

But this article isn't about the pill's effects on women and mating and dating (you can see the one above for details on that). This post is on how to tell when women want sex.

In Haselton and Gildersleeve's research, the question that's asked - and answered, in my estimation - is this: "Is the change in attractiveness we see of fertile women due to cues like sent that men are picking up on, or are women eliciting the increased attraction in men with their behavior?"

Here are the primary behavioral / psychological changes the researchers identified across the multiple studies examined in pre-ovulatory women (women entering their most fertile period):

  1. They become more interested in sexy men with traits like masculine facial features and competitive behavior

  2. They become more interested in men other than their boyfriend or husband, particularly if their boyfriend / husband lacks the qualities of a sexual man

  3. They become more open to flirting with attractive men and more actively seek opportunities to meet attractive men to flirt with (e.g., more likely to accept an invitation to dance by an attractive male, more likely to go to a nightclub or party)

  4. They put more work into being attractive (wearing both sexier and more revealing clothing)

  5. Their faces and bodies may become slightly more attractive during ovulation (this one's speculative and the researchers say needs further research)

  6. Their vaginal and underarm scents become more attractive to men

  7. Their voices become higher pitched and are rated more attractive to men

Interestingly enough, there are also some changes noted in pair-bonded male behavior (how the boyfriend / husband acts) around the time of his partner's ovulation:

  1. He becomes more "vigilant, monopolizing, and spoiling" - basically, he gets a lot stricter about how she spends her time, takes up a lot more of it himself, and gives her lots of nice things

  2. He becomes more jealous and possessive - this was especially noted in men rated by their partners as "low" in sexual attractiveness (which probably means the woman is a scarcer resource for these men and must be guarded more jealously than a man living with an abundance mentality would guard her)

  3. His testosterone levels go up - both increasing his sexual interest in her, and raising his desire to combat rivals

If you've ever been at a nightclub and had a really aggressive, gaudily-clad girl start coming onto you strong, then had her raging bull boyfriend come to butt heads with you, telling you, "Hey! That's my girlfriend! What are you doing dude, that's my girlfriend?!!!" then you know exactly what I'm talking about.

Ah, jealous boyfriends. Hey pal, if she wants it over here, that means you're not getting it done over there, capisce? Either that, or she's trying to make you jealous to step it up... which also means you're not getting it done. Step it up with your woman or watch her step out.

But I digress...

What do we learn from all this?

When women want sex, they put themselves in a position to get it.

No great surprise there, right?

But we also learn that when women want sex, every guy and his brother within a 20-block radius knows it and starts converging on the woman's location.

What's a fellow to do?

 

Using This Information to Get Girls

If you're like most guys in the West, you're probably unnerved to learn that the women you find most attractive are also the ones you're most likely to get pregnant. Surprise! Evolution works.

(I kind of enjoy watching guys squirm when I tell them that - just like they learned in Bible class - sex really is all about making babies, and it all makes a lot more sense when you start looking at it that way. It's one of those truths that people used to be comfortable about, but now they aren't, yet it isn't any less true. Ah well, the world goes on)

Anyway, you can fight the knowledge that, much as you may dread the prospect of having a drooling, smiling, 15-pound poop-machine all your own, that's really what your body wants to have you make happen to your life, or you can accept it, understand why you want the things you want and why the men and women around you want the things they want, and plan accordingly. Personally, I'm for the latter. Knowledge is power, I always say, and acceptance of knowledge is king.

But how do you use the information in this post to get girls?

Well, first off, you need a look at yourself. Are you:

  1. A sexy man women can't keep their hands off, or
  2. A man who hasn't quite figured the sexy thing out yet?

If you're A), you'll have an easier time going head-to-head with the competition for fertile women in nightclubs, though it's still going to be tough because there's often going to be a lot of it. If you're B), you can all but forget about out-competing sexy men until you get sexiness figured out - however, if you can take the emotional beating and not come out too scarred, going head-to-head with men who are out-competing you is going to be highly educational - pay attention to the men the women you want choose, and ask yourself what they're doing and how they're presenting themselves, styling themselves, and acting differently from you are.

Now, the first thing you might think if you are a sexy guy is, "Well, gosh, I'm sexy, and I'm pretty skilled socially - if I just go out and out-compete every other guy out there, I'll get the girl!"

But... not so fast.

women want sex

I've found a few things in my years in the trenches (bars, parties, and clubs) that might surprise you, and might save you hours upon hours of frustrating lost time. We'll get to other avenues to meet fertile, lusty women in a moment besides nighttime venues, but I want to touch on these.

While women are more receptive to men while they're fertile, they also seem to be far less forgiving. Never will you meet a harsher judge than a horny woman. One major slip up - or even a minor one, sometimes - and you're done.

Does that mean there's no hope with them?

Nope, not at all. It just means, drum roll... you've got to minimize the time you spend GAMING them!

But how do you do that?

Well, you do it by pulling fast, or coming late. I'll explain.

If you've been exploring the nightlife with any regularity and you haven't been going regularly for the whole night (open to close), then you've probably been missing a lot of patterns.

Namely, that many women are a lot more open to meeting new people at the start of the night, and they can be quickly pulled then, or locked into a conversation early on and you're their "guy" for the night (assuming you don't take too long to take them home... do that at your own peril).

And, many women are testy and short-tempered but open to being pulled by a strong man at the end of the night, too.

But a whole lot of women won't do anything other than evaluate, evaluate, evaluate throughout the entire middle part of the night.

That means, if you're showing up for the middle part of the night - or you didn't do such a hot job meeting girls early on at the outset - you're probably going to have a long night ahead of you of competing with one guy after another after another for the girl you're talking to. She's not going anywhere, which means now she's going to take her time to see how well you compete with the other men who are approaching her.

And what happens when you've got an entire night to defend your prize? Well, a few things:

  • There's a good chance you get tired and worn out and start slipping up

  • There's a good chance you start looking needy by hanging around with this girl who's forcing you to compete for her

  • There's a good chance that, no matter how good you are, some guy comes along and out-competes you for that girl you just plowed two hours into "working on"

I went through this countless times before I adopted the mantra of "move faster with women." Trust me... it ain't fun. Fun for the girl, of course... she gets to evaluate tons of options, and leaves feeling like she got the best guy (the one who out-competed all the other ones). Some of that is skill, some of that is chance. You want to remove chance from your interactions as much as possible, at least once you're reasonably skilled.

It's kind of like being a good gambler at a casino. I don't care how good you are, if you stick around long enough, somebody's going to beat you. And unlike the casino, you don't get to play another hand at the same table after you get beat; and you don't get to keep any chips to cash out. You lose once with a girl, you're wiped out.

The good news is... when women want sex, they don't want to hang around and chit-chat! They want a guy who knows how to attract women who's going to flip their switches fast, then get them out of there... because remember, they want sex!

That may be hard to believe when you're just starting out. But believe it, yes - just like you, women are biological organisms, and just like you they need to make babies. Sex is how they do that, thus, they are driven to want it. Don't let culture's tendency to build sex up into some "big deal" scare you into thinking otherwise - it's only a big deal because you're deciding whom you want to recombine genes with and spend a lot of time and money raising your offspring with (from a biological / sociological point of view).

Get there early, or get there late, and whatever you do, move fast.

But wait - what if you're not sexy yet, or you don't really feel like braving the nightclub (and all the competition for those flashy, lustful women)?

Never fear - day game is here.

But wait, you say - do women want sex in the daytime too?

Well, let me ask you this - do you think they only ever ovulate at night?

Walk around outside and pay attention to the women you walk by. Chances are, you'll pass by at least a few women who give you a hard stare. (You should probably go meet those women)

If you don't get looks from women, then you need to work on your style - the focus should be "sexy" and "edgy." Don't think that's you? Well, is being attractive to women you? Most guys will tell you, "I want to be attractive to women, and still dress how I want!" Okay, that's doable - but you've got to do other work to compensate for the lack of sexy attire. That means a sexy haircut, cool facial hair, and a good, cut build. Don't want to do that? Then let me ask you how many women you're interested in who don't bother to get sleek haircuts, good fashion, have a good body, and move well and sexy with great posture. Uh-huh, right... thought so.

Day time is a great place to meet women, and women will signal they're receptive to you much of the time. Pay attention to proximity clues (standing around you, looking in your direction then looking away), eye contact, even clothing (women are more likely to wear red when ovulating, and are also perceived as being 12% more attractive and 17% more sexual by men when in red).

And when you meet a woman in the daytime, and you can tell she's very interested in you, should you then move slowly?

Nope, not a chance. Treat her the same as a girl you'd meet in any other environment - get her home with you fast, if at all possible. And if she's out and about and has to get back to work, or has some other unbreakable commitment - do as Ricardus recommends in his tips on how to sleep with girls more consistently - ask her what she's doing later that day (and invite her to do something then).

Just make sure if you go back to her place that her jealous, overly-territorial boyfriend isn't there waiting for you.

Always,
Chase Amante

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Comments

Anonymous's picture

young guy's perspective


Here is a fundamental flaw in the idea that women want and like sex though... the fact that they are entirely stingy on the subject.

I am a young man who has already been shot down by about 50 women-- either straight up, or after toying with me with mind games. In my experience, women seem to be only interested in finding their happily-ever-after-one-true love, and if you aren't that you stand no chance at all.

For them, its not about sex or fun, its only about getting that husband and having their happily ever after. They will even insist on finding their prince charming by the time they're in middle school, and dating him (and only him) for years and years until they're wedding day.

As for the specific topic of sex, I can tell you from the culture that not only are they not interested in it: they find it impure-- and therefore appalling. At best, they see it as a necessary evil in order to get that baby to make a family-- but other than that, its a vile, dirty thing to be looked down upon as something you wouldn't want (and with advances in the science of artificial insemination, they may even come to accept this as an answer to their prayers of having their cake and eating it too... i.e. having that family without ever having to have sex and be impure).

And again there's the fact of how difficult it is to get a date.

That leads to this simple conundrum: if women are in fact into sex, then why do they make it so difficult to simply go on a date with them? If women wanted to have sex, a date shouldn't be so much of a hang-up.

John Bee's picture

Getting laid is easy


The problems occur after you decide to marry. Then somehow they lose interest and it really becomes hard.

Anonymous's picture

I'm not the one who wants to


I'm not the one who wants to marry... they are. I just want a date, but they want to find their prince charming husband before they leave high school (specifically before they're able to drive a car).

They won't experiment, they won't explore... they won't do anything except get that ring for their happily ever after.

That makes it tough for those of us who just want a date, and don't happen to be Mr. Right-for-life

Anonymous's picture

Too young, too bad


I gather a few of things from your complaint: (a) you are still in K-12. (b) you confuse little girls with women. (c) you have no idea what you are doing.

You mention "culture" as being your roadblock. That makes a huge difference. For example, as a collection, Asian women are the easiest to get in bed, by far, but there is a variation in approach and success rate by the specific ethnicity. White practicing Mormons are the most difficult and I don't even try. I cannot speak to every group, such as Arabs (well, a half Lebanese?), but I can a lot of them.

I would be happy to address your problem. How old are you? What is your ethnicity, and be specific? What is the ethnic distribution of the 50 you've been rejected by? What is the age distribution?

By specific, I mean, if you are Chinese, is that Mandarin Mainlander, Taiwanese, Hongkongese, Malaysian, etc. If you are black is that urban, rural, suburban, African. Break it down from race by one level.

Sean Wilson 's picture

Stop complaining and work on yourself


The first three posters, but especially the first post seem very critical and cynical. My guess is that your lack of success with women has colored your view. Shot down by 50 women?! Wow, why not evaluate what you are doing wrong. Youre probably not expecting success and do not appear confident. Of course the other extreme is being too confident and completely ignoring obvious social cues.

This is my first post but I believe I read on the site somewhere that you have to disqualify yourself from the boyfriend category. If she sees you as a potential boyfriend of course she isn't gonna want quick sex and mess up her chances of a potential relationship. So, although they do want the "happily ever after" as you guys have suggested, my experience has shown me that those same women would quickly jump at an opportunity to have sex with someone they find attractive or sexy and how knows what he is doing.

I have had good success using this site. Although I had a natural ability already with women but this site has greatly helped my understanding of women. The article didn't say all women want sex all the time. They said that the majority of women want it in cycles. (Even when not ovulating they can be easily turned on, but of course it varies from women to women).

Couple of questions:
1) If women don't want sex but only relationships, how I am currently with more than one girl who doesn't not want a relationship but is willing to have sex with me whenever I want. (I beat out a ton of other guys who actually wanted relationships with one of them, blew my mind even as I was doing it)
2) if women don't want sex, how do guys who have absolutely no boyfriend potential end up sleeping with these same girls
3) if women don't want sex, why would they cheat on relationships even though they may actually be happy in those relationships.

This belief that woman DONT want sex is hindering you from having positive interactions with them. Assume that if they do NOT want sex with you haven't done your job as a man. Waited too long. Got in friend zone. Got in boyfriend zone. Didn't act quickly enough. Or are just bad at reading signals. But don't let you're negative experience color your entire view

Anonymous's picture

Condoms


Hi Chase,

Good article gave me some ideas.

Sorry I'm only reading this now, but, how do condoms figure in your summing up?
If women are driven to want sex because they are programmed to want babies - but then the guy uses condoms, this throws into doubt your theory. So in the condom use scenario, they obviously don't intend to get pregnant. They are in it purely for the sexual pleasure.

Regards

Michael

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