Why Most Guys Perform Badly at Game In Bars and Clubs – And What to Do About It
Wednesday, 23 July 2014
from Chase: Halvor is our latest addition to the site – a close
friend of Alek’s and a longtime devotee of the seductive arts (and
fellow Norwegian). An engineer by trade, he’s spent a great deal of
time studying both in-depth psychology and nightlife pickup, and plans
to focus more on helping newer members with troublesome mindsets
starting out. Halvor also posts under the alias “sparxx” over on
Sedfast. Here he is.
Are you starting out as a practitioner of seduction in bars or clubs?
Have you already been trying out this scene without getting any results?
If you said yes to either of these questions, this article is for you; though some of the advice is also relevant for other kinds of game.
Bars and clubs are popular places to meet women and have several advantages. Many women go there in order to meet a man for a casual sexual encounter, and if you meet the right woman, you may go home with her in under 10 minutes. Yes, I’m not kidding.
But still, the realities in seduction at nighttime are rather harsh. Most guys do not succeed at all or have very inconsistent results; their interactions just result in rejection or being ignored. This is true for the average guy and it is regretfully very often also true for guys who are trying to learn seduction. But a few guys succeed more or less consistently, and today I’ll give you some pointers to becoming one of them, or at least get some results, if you’re currently not getting any at all.
The 2 Big Problems with Bars and Clubs
The problems guys face with seduction in bars and clubs can be broadly divided into two categories:
#1: Problems that are caused by
not being attractive enough [poor fundamentals]
You might have noticed that there are two kinds of guys in respect to success with women. Most men, at least in Western or Westernized societies, complain that they rarely or never get laid, while a few men get laid all the time and basically don’t worry much about getting women.
The lesson is that you need to be among the top 10-20% of men in overall attractiveness in order to get anything near consistent results. This is of course to some extent subjective, as different cultures have somewhat different standards of beauty, and also women are drawn to various archetypes of attractive men.
Superficial traits, social intelligence, good mood, and absence of anxiety are very important in bar and club game. Most guys who struggle at it need to work on several of these areas. Have a look around you the next time you go to a popular bar or club. Are you among the top 10-20% of males in terms of general attractiveness?
#2: Problems that are caused by not being able to “sell the
product” [poor game]
It might sound a bit cynical to uses a sales analogy, but the mating grounds of bars and clubs are markets just as any other market. There is supply and demand – and not only do you have to be in demand, you also need to be able to “sell” the product – that is yourself!
Even highly attractive guys might screw up at bar and club game due to not being able to socially interact with women, failing to recognize the women who are interested in them, or by being too passive, expecting women to lead the entire interaction. Many guys also get nervous when getting interest from the opposite sex and fail due to that.
Remedying The 2 Main Problems
The good news is that it is possible to remedy most of these problems to a great degree, though it will require effort.
Some steps to remedy problems of type #1 (lack of attractiveness / poor fundamentals):
Bar and club game is very superficial and it helps a lot to have a well-exercised body. Work out three times a week with weights. You don’t need to look like a male underwear model or have a six-pack, but getting down to normal weight and having some muscles, especially in the arms, shoulders, and chest, is important. Stop eating junk food and don’t drink soda or too much alcohol.
You also need to dress well for the same reason. Guys who stand out in a positive way get much more attention than guys who look “average” compared to the rest of the crowd. Fashion varies with time and location, so get some local guys you know are good with women to comment on your style, and if they disapprove, go on a shopping round with them.
Being in a good mood is very important. It increases your chances of women being interested in talking to you, and it also increases the chance that they will eye-code you to come and talk to them or even approach you. In contrast, nobody wants to share the bad mood of another person. Spend time around people you like before going out and avoid people you dislike and other sources of negativity.
You need to be above a certain level of social experience. Many guys who attempt to learn seduction are simply not socially experienced enough. They should spend more time in social circles or going to parties, because women will treat you better when they know you are cool enough to get invited and also that you are most likely not a security risk to them. Even if you don’t get immediate results, this will teach you a lot about socializing. Also, speak a few lines with every person you meet during the day, as this improves your skills at small talk.
Make sure you are not tired or sleep-deprived when going out. This is a very big mood-killer, and people will often notice. Sleep an hour or two before going out if necessary. For most guys, drinking too much alcohol, especially several days in a row, is also something that will exhaust them and spoil their mood.
Some steps to remedy problems of type #2 (lack of “salesmanship” / poor game):
Many guys are anxious to speak with women in the first place. This is completely natural, and even the experts at this kind of game have such problems. It will NOT hinder you from getting some results. Women are also often a bit nervous on approaching guys. It is only a big problem if you suffer from completely paralyzing anxiety. Then you should do some inner work before attempting bar and club game at all. If your anxiety is mild, doing some approaches on the street or in another club before going to the main venue will often loosen you up and get you into a more talkative mood.
Being able to recognize women who are interested in you is very important. It can save you a lot of time and bad interactions. Women who smile at you or eye-code you are often ready to be approached. But don’t depend exclusively on this, there are many women who do not give you a hint to approach who will be interested, and also there are some women who are just interested in your attention and nothing more. You will learn to recognize them by experience.
You have to sexualize the interaction in some way, usually within 10-20 minutes, before she gets bored or thinks you are not interested. This can be done through either talking about sex or physical touch.
Are you using all your time talking with women you know will not go home with you? Hanging out with female friends can be cool, but you won’t meet new women if you just talk to them and no other women during a night out.
Do not let your interactions wander into endless chatter about nonsexual topics. If there is no touching, flirting, or talk about sexual topics within 10-20 of minutes, the woman is either not interested or you have failed to lead.
A common mistake is to have too long make-outs with women. You want to amp her up, not discharge all her excitement in meeting a hot guy. Ask her to go home with you after some time. You can do this either by being very direct about your intentions or through a more indirect way, like suggesting a drink at your place.
This brings us upon the next problem some guys face: you need to have a location where sex can happen without interference. Ideally, you have your own place within 15 minutes of walking or taxi from the bar or club in question. If you live with other people you should have an agreement with them that they will not interfere, and also you should keep your place reasonably clean and tidy. If you don’t have your own place, you may suggest going to her place if it is not too far away. Women often feel more comfortable at home, but there is also the risk that she might live with others who could get in your way.
Some guys are comfortable with approaching and seducing average women but will avoid or screw up with hotter women. This is usually caused by either not having worked enough on attractive traits or having fallen into the bad mental habit of believing than some women are “out of their reach”. By not trying, you will never be able to disprove such a belief, so those who master the basics should regularly try to push the limits when it comes to hotness.
Better at Bars and Clubs
Now you have several ways to debug your night game and remedy problems.
And don’t get me wrong, you absolutely don’t have to do everything perfectly, and in fact, trying to do everything 100% correctly will often lead to “paralysis through over-analysis” and much worse results than guys who make a solid attempt even if their strategy is not flawless. Well-groomed, cool, attractive guys also get away with much more than their less attractive brothers and are rarely harshly rejected.
It is much better to do something than to not even try seriously.
You do learn even from screwing up, and all good seducers, whether they learned it naturally through experience or have studied seduction, have screwed up a lot and CONTINUE to screw up rather often. A rejection does not even have to be permanent; the same woman might respond completely differently on a later occasion.
As a closing remark, note that even the most experienced ladies men have bad nights where nothing works or they simply fail due to circumstances outside their control – like interfering strangers. Not even experts succeed on every attempt. Social skills are like martial arts: you can basically practice them forever, as there is no upper limit on how good you can become.
Lastly, bar and club game is also something you might not want to do for the rest of your life, as staying up all night in order to meet women will interfere with work, studies, or exercise regimes, and there are also health concerns in the long run if you drink too much.
If you want to get good at it from a level of not getting results, expect to spend a few years going out at least two nights per week.
Bar and club game is most suitable for guys who like to interact with a lot of strangers and have superficial conversations with them. If you don’t enjoy that, you will still be able to get results, but you might find it harder to motivate yourself to go out often enough to get reasonable progress. If you are not willing to expend the required effort, it might be better to focus your energy on online game, social circle game, or day game.
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