When You Think Girls are Chasing You (But You’re Still Chasing) | Girls Chase

When You Think Girls are Chasing You (But You’re Still Chasing)

Note from Chase: Ross is one of our senior discussion board members, with a very steady hand and plenty of sage advice to go around for men aspiring to excel with women. Ross’s shared a few guest articles on GC before in early 2013, and Im really happy to announce he's joining the team as one of our new regular contributors. Please welcome him back to writing for the site! Without further ado, I give you Ross.


A situation that has been popping up more frequently on the discussion boards entails a scenario where guys think girls are chasing after them. These guys get frustrated, as they believe that the girl is chasing after them, yet they cannot figure out why things still aren’t working out. They’ll often point to some behavior that’s supposed to be indicative of chasing, yet this doesn’t necessarily provide insight into all of the dynamics at play between the guy and girl here.

The ever-so-popular stand-up gig that pokes fun at women for being illogical in arguments comes to mind when I think of this issue. The husband will argue with his wife using facts, only to be completely shut down by her emotionally charged response. On paper, it will look like he’s won. However, anyone viewing the event could tell you that he obviously lost.

girls are chasing you

As a result, it’s difficult for someone critiquing a guy’s interactions to tell whether he’s really winning with girls... or only paper-winning. All a forum member can do is read what people have written about their interactions with women, and form opinions and give feedback based off of that. Thus, many guys will receive positive reinforcement that they are doing a good job, even though in real life they just aren’t getting results or reaching their goals.

Today, I hope to relieve some of the issues surrounding this misinterpretation of data. It’s time for a mental model update, because the dynamic of chasing goes much deeper than the surface.

Ross LeonAbout the Author: Ross Leon

Ross Leon is a member of the Girls Chase Forums and an occasional contributor to Girls Chase. His focus is on body building, relationships, and personal self-development.


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Comments

Matt C's picture

I don't like how there isn't a single sentence mentioning the power of assumption, since this article and it's title are easily misunderstood and can cause anxiety in excellent seductions.

In almost all cases it's perfectly fine to assume that the girl is attracted to you. If you think she is, you tell her that. You assume that she wants you to kiss/touch/fuck her. (Of course you make sure to still get reactions so you don't do anything she doesn't want.)

I don't really see the point in this article, sorry.

Author
Ross Leon's picture

Matt C,

Assumption is covered in the very beginning of the article under "The Issue with Misinterpretation".

You'd only botch things if you typically get anxious in the face of adversity and cannot recover correctly. Women test men all the time, which would cause anxiety in any man that cannot handle things veering ever so slightly off of his idealistic path of an excellent seduction.

PinotNoir's picture

First, I just wanted to say that it's good to see criticism on GC. I think it's healthy to disagree sometimes, just to keep the quality of articles in check.

However, in this case, I humbly disagree with you.

As far as assumptions, he linked an excellent article on assumptions, and that's not the point of this article, and I think he addressed your concerns in the article. You still want confidence, of course, but this is a tool to find out if she's chasing -- not a tool for displaying your confidence. From the article:

"To assume that she is chasing you... or not? That is the question. After all, we know that you should be assuming that women find you attractive, as this in turn displays confidence and charisma."

Since I've been in this situation before, I find this "disagree" tool to be very useful, and you don't realize unless through experience.

A girl I was dating last year was initiating texts with me FIRST. She told me that she "missed me" FIRST. Everything appeared to me that she was the Chaser and I was the Chasee. At the end of the dating cycle (breakup), it was pretty painful, and there I was holding my tail in my hands wondering what happened. When I look back on it, she really didn't go along with my disagreements; even though some of her actions painted her as the Chaser, I was in fact the Chaser. I'll definitely be using this "disagree" tool in the future to assess where I am. In fact, I find this more useful when dating or in a relationship than in the initial interaction (as illustrated in some examples). You want a sanity check.

I also really loved the list of Chaser articles all lumped together. For that, I bookmarked this.

Lastly, my only complaint is that it was almost too short. I would have loved to see a little more research or just a little more. At the end of the read, it feels like it's missing something.

Anyway, great stuff Ross. I look forward to your next reads, and I hope this comment doesn't deter you from writing more.

-PN

Flames's picture

Something recently happened where a girl I'm moderately friends with when approached is appearing mildly dis-interested, time after time.

But then she approaches me and actual starts getting a bit flirty and giggly. She's does this on a regular basis.

Would I be right to be thinking that this girl actually prefer to chase me, rather than have me chase her? TBH Chasing isn't my usual way but I occasionally mix things up.

How would you say attraction is involved here?

Regards
Flames

Author
Ross Leon's picture

Flames,

Yeah, I addressed this mainly because girls who are flirts can easily be misunderstood as girls who are chasing you, which is usually quite far from the truth. Flirting is usually a good indicator of interest, but people who are flirts (like myself) quite often flirt with anyone and everyone. I flirt with nearly every girl I come into contact with.

The part where you say that she feels mildly dis-interested makes me think that she is mainly talking to you when she wants to. Whenever you want to talk to her she's not interested, which tells me that she's mainly using talking to people as a way to pass time, rather than a means to get you interested.

If I had to guess, you've known her for a bit and she likely has the mentality that you're just a friend. I don't think 'chasing' plays any part in this relationship, which is perfectly fine. I find the best relationships are when neither party is hopelessly chasing. But let it be known that the longer you wait, the more likely the chances are that the attraction window has passed.

- Ross

Anonymous's picture

I enjoyed this article and believe it is one of the single most important bridging articles to many on this site (which you have generously listed).
I also think that it is one of the hardest parts of seduction to fully understand for most guys.
The ability for women to give the illusion of chasing you is one of their most powerful weapons in friend zoning and keeping orbiters interested. Think how little energy (investment) is needed for the returns (profit) women get with this technique. Some are so good and sexually suggestive with this that you really need to apply the tools mentioned in this article to snuff them out. I have let go of many poisonous relationships with women based on this, and started many more fruitful ones!

Wish I didn't have to learn the above the hard way, good read- cheers and bravo to the author.

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