How to Keep Her Attraction Piping Hot as Long as You Like

how to keep her attractedIf you are like most guys you probably have thought at one point or another that attraction is like a switch, and once it switches on it is on forever. But what might surprise you is that the reality is totally counter to your expectations.

The startling truth is that a woman’s need for you to keep her attracted is actually very similar to a thirst, and she needs it refilled every time you interact with her (not just once). If you are clever you will realise that the best long term plan – just like a thirst – will require a well to be dug and water to be pumped and delivered on a consistent basis.

Don’t let this image scare you however, I just mean to imply that attraction has to become a consistent thing that you uphold with actions every day rather than an objective you meet once and are done with.

Conventional wisdom states that once you ask her out”, “marry her”, or get an “in for sex” that it is game set and match, but this is just simply false, and girls will ALWAYS change their minds unless you are consistently attractive. If you have a mindset that runs off the belief that you only need her approval ONCE, throw it out the window and change your view immediately.

In essence, women are much like any other thing worth getting right in life, they take passion and a great work ethic to do right, and once you adopt that “work ethic” you can consistently rebuild and maintain attraction all day long. So if you want to never have to guess again at IF she likes you, you have to set your mind to changing your expectations and go from a “set and forget” guy, to a guy that applies himself consistently.

The Psychology Behind It

In order to fully understand why a woman’s “thirst” for attraction is so consistent, so that we can discuss how to keep her attracted to very good effect, let me remind you that throughout our lives as men we too have constantly sought out source after source for getting our next buzz. It started in our teens trying to catch a glimpse of a girl here and there and persisted as we finally got out into the world where we can’t help but let our eyes find their way to that girl walking by in the short dress. We have to admit to ourselves first and foremost that our own need for attraction is also constant, and that one look, one picture, one memory, is never going to be enough.

Women, like us, want us to bring that new experience, that variation on an “old favourite”, and to come into their lives and surprise them with our own twist on how we do those sexy things. It keeps things interesting and keeps them wanting to participate. It is not unreasonable, it is just that you get told enough times through movies that “the guy got the girl” that you expect life to operate the same way.

Have you ever been stuck at a family get-together for a week, with no computer or way to get away and relieve your stress? It is like a nightmare isn’t it? Girls, just like guys, need space, need oxygen, and sometimes plain just don’t care about all this stupid family obligation stuff. Sometimes girls just want to be out and about in the world where they are not forced to wear the mask of complacent sexuality. The fact is that when there is an imposed limit and no freedom to move, we often suffer from that lack of variety and it is NOT a fun feeling.

Girls can feel terrible this way, just like guys, and when you think that attracting her once is enough, it is no less cruel to a woman than a woman denying sex to her husband for months or even years on end (presumably that happens because he doesn’t turn her on anymore).

Women are not suffering a thirst because they lack access to guys; they suffer a thirst because they are weary and tired of no supply of variety and interest. In order to be fully aware of this as men we need to understand that a man who provides ONE moment of attraction, no matter how provocative, cannot outweigh the rewards for a woman that come from a man that provides consistent variety and fresh attraction that keeps her attracted.

Women who are suffering in boredom at a lack of variety in their lives find a man who can deliver new and fresh attraction consistently to be like an oasis amidst a desert, and they see a man who provides attraction ONCE to be a flash in the pan and no more. Who do you think they will be more attracted to in the end:

  1. The one trick pony, or
  2. The shopping mall of options and different things to choose?

It is obvious isn’t it, because just like you act like a kid in a candy store with women that can do this to you (that is, continually re-attract you again and again), so are women like this with men who never fail to spice things up!

How to Keep Her Attracted: Must Knows

Something you need to know about consistently satisfying women is that your needs sexually should not become headline news, at least not in a negative way. Never be so transparent to women that you are going to be annoyed if she doesn’t deliver you your hit. When you do that it literally repels women and sets your progress back a mile – if this were snakes and ladders you wouldn’t even be at the starting mark, you’d be off the table and tossed under the couch.

Instead, put a positive spotlight on her needs sexually and do a lot of things for her without her hand-holding you through it.

how to keep her attracted

Most of the time girls don’t need much, they just need the compliment to come from the right guy, the look to come at the right time, the few words you said to be the ones that made her smile, and the way you touched her when you saw her again make her wonder about the kind of guy you really are. But further than that, they have needs, and you really shouldn’t hold off forever, and should make sure she gets her fair share of time relaxing, having fun, and exploring how she can feel sexually.

The way most guys mess this up is we get lost in the moments just before we do these things: we stop short, start asking questions, start making assumptions, and start making our needs this big fat neon light flashing over the top of our heads. If only we can find our own way to get past that, be natural, and provide attraction consistently, rather than looking for the home run, we could get a lot done and have the girl asking for more and then delivering on that consistently. But as it stands, we usually get in our own way.

You might say “Yes, but is it really as simple as putting our needs aside and delivering consistent attraction for her?”, and I would have to say that a lot of knowing how to seduce women does come down to having a great base and not making it needlessly difficult. And the key to a great base is for it to not take a lot of effort, for it to not have to seek a lot of answers, and for it to consistently deliver value. In essence, by digging out and removing your need to ask her all sorts of questions to hit that home run, you instead focus on attraction every time you meet... and she comes to expect it from you, and you are better poised to make variety and sexuality a natural staple of your relationship.

Letting It Sink In

In order to fully appreciate the change in perspective I would invite you to imagine with me two different scenarios; in one scenario the man approaches a woman, she smiles and he walks off feeling accomplished, and, in the other, she smiles and the man steps forwards and talks to her casually to see if there is anything else he can do to get that result again.

In the first scenario the man leaves with questions on his plate as to how to get what he wants; in the second scenario the man leaves thinking about what he might be able to do to get her interest piqued more consistently. The second man gets much further with women simply because his ethic is in line with the power of what girls are actually looking for. He will do better with women not due to magical answers but because he is already doing what women like, whilst the other man will remain clueless because he is spending all his effort trying to get her to sacrifice all her wants and desires because “he won”.

Once is simply not enough.

As guys, we tend to think that once she is “hooked” then it is a matter of the next steps. But what if I told you that women are NEVER hooked? What if I told you that those smiles, laughs, and agreements for dates are nothing more than ONE breadcrumb, and that, if you want to have consistent relationships with women, you need to never stop producing them!

It is the absolute truth.

You must consistently deliver value to women over time as you evolve the dynamic. Repeated delivery of good emotions to her will build over time a perception of you and how you are different from other guys and make transitioning to sex more natural. It will be then that you are doing for her what the constant flow of images in your life has done for you. It will be then that you can constantly build new memories together, and it will be then that you will naturally achieve your own buzz as she enjoys being a part of what you bring to hers.

You must continuously bring the goods to consistently keep her attracted.

The reason why once will never be enough is the same reason one LOOK at a girl will never be enough for you. You want something more, and she wants something fresh and consistent in its variety. They both inevitably lead to the same place, so forget about “the answer”, you need to unlock her interest in you and then bank on consistent actions as the way to creating the results you both seek.

Here are some tricks on how to vary it up:

Some of the key ways to keep a lot of variety in your interactions with women is to not always finish thoughts, not always remember who she is, not always come prepared, not always have the same tone or attitude, and not always agree with her. As much as you might want to keep a good thing going, you should at least playfully vary your responses and level of interest so that she is dealing with a different variation of you every time.

Here are some sides of you she should get to see:

  • The Stranger
  • The New Guy
  • The Playful Guy
  • The Sensual Guy
  • The Smart Guy
  • The Playfully Stupid and Charming Guy
  • The Forgetful Guy
  • The Guy Who “only listens to half of what she says”

For each new face you can introduce a new reason to find you sexy and attractive.

how to keep her attracted

What you really want to avoid, and what most guys do, is:

  • The Bossy Guy
  • The Guy Who Freaks Out
  • The Bitter Guy
  • The Snappy Guy
  • The Guy Who Insists “he has everything she needs and more and that she should be content”

Don’t be that guy anymore, and when you notice yourself being him, stop. Rethink.

Don’t be a guy that expects attraction to be a one off.

Don’t refuse women a consistent supply of attraction and expect a woman to “honor the contract”. Don’t act as if you can’t aspire to attract her and keep her attracted on a consistent basis. Don’t expect her to be obedient and do nothing outside of the box.

Would you willingly enforce that kind of behaviour on yourself?

When there is so much fun to be had in doing things in other ways and better ways, why be a stick in the mud? Most of you guys, if given a fair choice, would always prefer that you and the girls you talk to feel free and have fun. So be the cool guy you really are, ensure that you keep variety up with girls, and don’t let the idea that hooking her once is enough creep up on you.


Cody LyansAbout the Author: Cody Lyans

Girls Chase’s resident “man of mystery”, Cody shows shy, quiet guys how to turn these traits into assets. Girls call his style “cool and calibrated”; he’s adept at smoothly meeting girls everywhere from the beach to the dance floor. Cody prides himself on versatility, and specializes in both fast (~20 minute) hookups, and slow, sensual seductions. Book a phone coaching session with Cody today to learn from him directly.


Get Your FREE eBook on Texting Girls

how to text girls pdf

Sign up for our email insights series and get a copy of our popular ebook "How to Text Girls" FREE. Learn more ...

Related Articles from


Anonymous's picture

wish i would've read this a week ago maybe it would've helped although i doubt it i've done the sides that she should see unfortunately i've done the other ones as well i guess we live and learn. could you expand more on
The Bossy Guy
The Guy Who Freaks Out
The Bitter Guy
The Guy Who Insists
could you point out the difference between insistence and persistence? i heard that it's all in the subcommunication you could say something that doesn't appear to be insisting on the surface layer but if it's coming from the wrong place can be viewed that way (for example if i want to see her and she says no tonight and i say it's fine and after that she tells me well if you REALLY wanted to see me you shouldn't have listened to me and a week after that when i do exactly that she says why did you insist to see me that badly it wasn't a good time)

Cody Lyans's picture

I'm glad you got so much out of the article. I think the difference between persistance and insistance is better explained through another word. Persistence and perseverance. Insistance is often "get what I thought of right now", persistance is to change the approach and do it a lot "a date? How about a walk? How about we just talk now", whilst perserverance means to take the hit, rethink, and come at it with fresh enthusiasm.

It is often we get "knocked down" by a girls resistance, but to really perform how you want to perform, when you face resistance you need to recognise that you are doing something off and not only take another approach, but think about how you can help both of you have a good time, and give her a sneak peak.

It isn't an easy thing to get right, but it is like a muscle, the more you stretch yourself away from the bad behaviours and the more you cultivate the better ones the stronger you get. At first it doesn't work well and your ideas will be only so so, but eventually you understand it better.

Persevering means to gain that muscle. Insistence means to be unaware that you can build it.
"when you have 6 hours to chop down a tree, spend most of it sharpening your axe"

Great question btw, I'm tempted to write an article on some of the intricacies of this.

Sam2's picture


Great article.

It made me think how many times I acted as that entitled guy who gives a one-shot show and expects women to "understand and appreciate this and stop resisting his advances after a point" without paying attention to the woman's stage of attraction, without noticing that she would need more warming up. I can't remember how many women I have lost just because I lost my nerve too soon, just because I expected them to be "ready for me" by a "deadline" I set as natural to ME.

However, there is a line between providing good feelings and over-providing them. There is also a line between keeping her attracted constantly and "doing all the work yourself", "trying too hard", and ultimately "chasing her". To put it in other words, it takes two to tango, and all readers of this site are encouraged to follow the Law of Least Effort.

Where would you and Chase practically put that line?

Additionally, could another type of man be added in your "to be" list? For instance, the "Disappearing Man"; let's say you went on a date with a woman who ended up admitting to you that she felt absolutely enamoured with you and she was surrendered to your touch and gaze. While she would expect you to follow up, you instead disappear in order to balance the "giving" you did for her with making yourself scarce to her. Would disappearing after providing great value be conducive to more attraction creation?

Cody Lyans's picture

Oh absolutely there are more guys that should be on that list, it was by no means exhaustive. When it comes to finding out which guys are better the trick to knowing which guys really work for her is to notice what she reacts to. Try not to restrict your imagination by constructing "what if" personas just be imaginative in general, and when you come across a good idea, note it down. Or if you really must do it passively (without a girl) do what I do, go out one night, get a beer, and let the atmosphere of a place with women get you thinking on the topic. Think about what the ideal you might do, think about what her fantasies might lead towards (but by no means restrict yourself to that) and see if you can't get your head around some new things.

As to your other point of drawing the line, that is a question of all questions. It really is tough to know where to draw your line. But what is important to remember is that if you aren't generous and are bitter, then you are probably approaching it with the wrong mindset. Contrastingly, you don't want to be a people pleaser ;) so you have to know what you are worth, and have a good natured spirit about it.

Its a deep topic actually.
If any of you guys need a much deeper look at any of these concepts I'd be glad to specialise a call just for you to absolutely clarify the concepts for you. Remember I offer calls on this site and can no doubt hit a home run for you if you know the topic you want to break through on.

Great question man, if I was to give a broad answer, don't draw the line, tell her what you like in women you do these things for and make those things reasonable. A happy woman usually is very compliant, so if you make her happy, often you can tell her exactly what you need to keep delivering for you and she'll help out.

Anonymous's picture

Truly lovely article Cody.

I`ve enjoyed this and made me rethink my actions..

Lately i have been searching for all the right ways to get the girl i am seeing out at a cafe or at my place..

I haven`t even thought of this technique and how quite useful it might be..

Instead of trying to pressure her into accepting my proposals, i am going to switch on the attraction button and make her want to propose a date...

I feel like i have been blinded for so long, until such an article came by...

Damn.. I was building tension the whole time, when i could have built attraction and keep her interested..

This article really opened my eyes..

I`ve got a question though..

Can i use this technique and build a lot of attraction over the phone/sms/facebook or is it just for a face-to-face interaction ??
And if i do that will i be able to make her ask me for a date ??


Cody Lyans's picture

Thank you so much for the compliments guys, I appreciate it.
As for text to build attraction, let me put it this way "a picture is worth a thousand words", and this is especially true with attraction. If women can't remember what you look like when you do what you do she is much less likely to care, and text often creates barriers, and those barriers almost always create complacency and loss of attraction for women.
Keep her imagination running through text, but make sure that the real bulk of attraction is done JUST BEFORE any extended period of absence, so that the momentum can carry you over the gap.

Get her mind moving, and she'll see you, but in person is the best for that, text has a much heavier innertia (resistance to movement).

Thanks for the refreshing question :)

Phone is better than text, text with a pic is better than text, video messaging is better than text. But text is fine for setting up dates, you just don't want to be having a relationship over it ;)

Anonymous's picture

I'd like to thank you Cody for this article. Had I not read this soon, my relationship would've been a disaster. A week ago, I noticed my GF putting out less at night. I usually get it before we sleep or she would initiate. Claiming she was tired, or other BS that I felt wasn't the reason. However, I get annoyed and act aloof to her if I don't get it and I don't like acting that way. After reading this, I knew exactly what I needed to do to spark the fire again. Ended up going to a secluded hill that I only knew, packed some food, blanket, and fucked outdoors. That turned my relationship around and her attraction peaked up again. No more excuses.

Once again, thank you!

Anonymous's picture

We don't even know who we are (who will you be in 5, 10, .. years?), much less our significant other of any number of years. We all evolve and change, and aren't quite the same person we were in the past.

There are always parts of ourselves and others we (and they) don't know. If you see this simple truth, and have a desire to know your partner, rediscovery is unavoidable. Being proactively conscious of these two axioms will set you on the path of perpetual rediscovery.

As the song goes, "Everything Old is New Again"

ad lucem

Add new comment

The Latest from