How to Know When Women Like You
Monday, 12 May 2014
You meet a really cute girl at an event or out on the street. You know right off the bat that she’s the kind of girl who gives you butterflies in your stomach. She smiles at you. You exchange pleasantries. You vaguely reference how the two of you should get together sometime. She giggles and agrees. She gives you her number and says to contact her sometime. The two of you part ways.
You walk away with a foolish grin on your face. You feel great about the interaction. Then suddenly… the feeling starts to wear away. Doubt starts to creep into your mind.
“Wait… did she actually like me or was she just being nice. Does she know that I want to go out with her or does she just expect to meet up to talk about business stuff?”
And then you let those doubts seep into the next interaction you have with her. Maybe you come off a bit too needy when you text her. Maybe you’re too friendly and not sexy enough the next time you see her in person.
And you lose a girl who you could’ve had a great connection with… just because you didn’t know that the girl liked you. You couldn’t be sure of your ability to read the signs and you couldn’t be certain that the girl was attracted.
Has this ever happened to you before? I bet it has.
Sometimes, even when you’re pretty sure that a girl likes you, the lack of certainty can actually prevent you from making something happen. And then you end up frustrated or regretful. Maybe months or years later the girl even tells you that she liked you and was waiting for you to make the right move.
Well, I’m going to show you how to put yourself in the position to make the right move. I’m going to show you all of the things to look for so that you’ll never have to wonder whether or not she actually likes you again.
Learn the Signs
I spotted her from across the room. She was engaged with a large group of girls, but she and another friend kept looking over at me and my wingman. I briefly paused, and with bated breath waited for her to look over once more. This time I locked eyes with her and gave her a sexy smile.
She looked down and grinned, brushing a few strands of her shimmering hair behind her left ear. I told my wingman to go talk to her friend, and I strode over toward her, with purpose in each of my steps. I found myself face-to-face with her, locked into her light blue eyes. I introduced myself. She did the same. Her name was Marianne. She seemed intrigued by my presence, but still cautiously curious as to where things would lead.
In order to know when women like you or not, you first have to get a solid foundation, which we’ve covered in a few articles that I’ll reference below. You should become a master of reading her body language and deciding in less than thirty seconds if she’s giving you the signs of attraction. The signs that you need to look for are:
Playing with her hair. This is something that Chase covers in Signs She Likes You – a good corollary article on the more physical side of things you should look for when a girl is attracted to you. But playing with her hair is definitely a telltale sign that a girl is attracted to you. She’ll start twirling it in her fingers or running her hands through it like she’s brushing a horse’s mane.
Girls do this subconsciously; if you call her on it (which is a funny thing to witness in its own right), she probably won’t even notice that that she’s doing it. So definitely look out for this easy-to-spot sign.
Looking down. There’s another great piece on this site about looking down and why you shouldn’t do it if you’re a man. Nowadays, I can pretty much tell if a girl is worth approaching based on what her eyes do. It’s actually quite interesting to see how few people in the world make a concerted effort to lock eyes with strangers. I once read that eye contact is never accidental, and I think that’s true. Eye contact can be very uncomfortable if you don’t know how to use it.
If I look at a girl (especially with sexual eyes) and she instantly looks down, I approach.
If I look at her and she looks to the side, I look for approach invitations or attraction signs. If I see some, I approach. If I see none, I’ll think about it, and approach (or not) based on my level of social momentum, time constraints, and opportunity.
If she looks up, then I don’t even waste my time in trying to approach.
The reason why I follow these rules is that looking down is a sign of submission and looking to the side is a sign of uncertainty. So if a girl looks down after you gaze upon her, she’s flashing a big sign in front of you saying that she’s already attracted. If she looks to the side, that means that she hasn’t quite made up her mind yet – which is why I look for other signs. Similarly, if she looks up that means that she is dismissing you, which is why I don’t usually pay mind to these girls. But, if you really want to push your limits, try approaching a girl who looks up and see what happens.
Dilated Pupils. Dilated pupils are another clear sign of attraction. The pupils always dilate when we see something that we desire. If you look at a girl’s eyes and her pupils are larger (sometimes called “anime eyes” or “doggie dinner eyes”), keeping in mind that you’re not in a super dark room and she’s not on drugs, chances are she has a good deal of attraction for you. And dilated pupils are another response that she can’t control.
Watch Her Feet. People’s feet – whether they like it or not – are always pointed toward their area of focus. If someone wants to leave a situation, their feet will always be pointed toward the exit. If they want to invest in a person, their feet will be pointed squarely at them. So if a girl’s feet (and body as a whole) are pointed toward you, take it as a sign of her interest.
Staring. This one is pretty overt and obvious, but if a girl is staring at you and you haven’t met her yet, know that she is interested and very likely checking you out. Try to approach staring girls as often as you can. If you have solid fundamentals, it’ll happen more often than you think if you learn to look for it. Approaching girls who have been staring can be some off the more low-pressure approaches you do.
Positioning. Sometimes you’ll notice a girl around you who appears to be getting near you for no reason. Maybe she seems to be staring at a map, or lost in her phone, or looking for something. But through her distraction, she’s subtly closing the distance between you and her. This is a girl who is making it easier for you to approach her. She’s positioning herself near you so that you have an opening to say something to her.
Now keep in mind that she may not do this for very long, so seize the opportunity if it’s presented to you. And don’t worry, she’ll never admit that she was coming near you on purpose. She’ll chalk up your chance meeting to “fate”.
Initial Strong Attraction is Unlikely with Hot Girls
Marianne was clearly the kind of girl who got attention all of the time. How often she got approached sexually was hard to tell (because hot girls get truly hit on surprisingly rarely). But it was easy to tell that she got a lot of attention. Girls were constantly complimenting her dress, and guys may as well have been lining up to do favors for her.
To see this was not that surprising for a hot girl. But I knew that because of this fact she wouldn’t likely be strongly attracted to me right from the outset, even though I was a high value man.
And this is an important factor to understand as a man. A very hot girl may be warm toward you, or even somewhat attracted, but they won’t likely swoon over you unless you have a combination of looks, rock-solid fundamentals, fashion, and either large amounts of pre-selection or conspicuous consumption.
But that doesn’t mean that you can’t warm her up. Hot girls can get hot and heavy over you just like any other girl, but it may take some warming up. They have to shit-test you a bit to see that you’re a true man. They have to see that your masculinity isn’t just a front and that you can actually handle them. If you can pass that test, she will be putty in your hands.
This is a mistake that a lot of newer guys make. They look for reactions over results. They think that if a girl doesn’t welcome them with open arms and a warm smile that she couldn’t possibly be attracted to them. But the most seasoned men know that a girl is just as likely to act coy as she is to receive you warmly.
And the seasoned man knows that a girl who isn’t attracted to you may act warmly toward you. And that a girl who is feverishly attracted to you may act coldly. That’s why you must look for the telltale signs. She can put up a front, but she can’t fake physical things. And she won’t go along with the things that I will discuss next.
Know When Women Like You: Behaviors
There are some surefire ways to know when women like you that have nothing to do with the way she treats you or acts. You don’t pay attention to what she says, or how she acts, but what she does. All women, regardless of how they may treat you, act in more or less the same way when they are attracted to you.
These are things like:
Compliance and Favors
If you get compliance from a girl – especially multiple forms of it – you can bet your dollars that she’s attracted to you. I’ve had girls who were nasty, girls who were cold, girls who were quiet, and girls who were comically awkward: if I asked them to do something like get me a drink, or take my hand to dance, or tell me a secret about themselves, or follow me to a different location, I knew that they were either attracted or becoming attracted to me.
This certainly was without question. If you get compliance from a girl through her following, her agreeing to her requests, or from her offering to do things for you, you’ve got a girl who’s attracted to you. It’s really shocking that once you get enough reference points as a man with solid fundamentals how often girls actually offer to do things for you. I’ve had girls offer to buy me food, drinks, grab things for me, give me rides, and a whole list of other favors that someone you just met really shouldn’t be offering you.
So pay attention to these signs and take them up on it. You have to reward girls for their positive behavior if they’re giving compliance. That’s why you:
It’s all for the sake of building compliance and building attraction.
Asking About Your Love Life
When a girl asks about your “situation” or if a girl she sees you with is your girlfriend, she is most likely interested in your romantic situation. If she starts asking about the girls of your past – including exes and partner counts – then she is definitely interested in you.
She wants to get a beat on the kind of competition she has and would have in theory. So unless a girl asks about your love life in a “you’re my cute little brother or nice guy friend who never gets girls” way, she is definitely interested in inserting herself into it.
Putting Her Full Name into Your Phone
This is a small one that a friend turned me onto recently that I find surprisingly accurate. Though it doesn’t happen too often, if you hand a girl your phone (and you’re not at some sort of networking event) and she puts her full name into it, that is a small sign of investment and interest.
She wants to stick out. She wants you to know her. This is not a hard and fast rule, but I’ve found that most girls who I’ve followed up with in adhering to this rule have led to a romantic encounter of some sort.
She Keeps the Interaction Going
Even if the interaction is going south or is getting awkward, she puts in a concerted effort to stick around or to keep it going despite the unpleasant turn. This is definitely a surefire way of knowing that she likes you. Most girls, even if they are on the fence about you, will not hesitate to excuse themselves (or even just hightail it out of there). So a girl who stays is really putting her faith in you and your ability to turn the interaction around.
Being Genuinely Soft and Sweet
If a girl is genuinely kind to you and is investing in your overall well-being, in addition to all the aforementioned signs of attraction, then you can move into the realm of certainty that they like you.
This point is particularly relevant when a girl is cold, shit-testing you, or is generally a hard case. The moment she begins being soft and sweet with you – and it is a glorious moment with these kinds of girls – is the moment you know that you’ve fully won her over.
Ramping Things Up
After a few minutes of lively back and forth, I learned that Marianne had a spirited temperament. She was anything but a submissive woman. She was looking for a strong man who could handle her feminine energy.
I grabbed her by the hand and began to lead her in a bout of salsa. It was at that point that I could tell that she was emotionally invested. She had finally encountered a man who could lead her and who wasn’t intimidated by her beauty or by her feminine wiles.
As we were dancing, I saw a small colorful bag adorned on her waist. I told her it looked like something I once saw in the Philippines. She froze for a moment. She told me that she had just returned from the Philippines a few months prior and that it was one of her favorite places in the world.
I spun her around a couple of times and we glided around the room as she told me some of her favorite stories from her travels. We then discussed some of our favorite books and even some embarrassing moments from our childhoods. Her eyes locked onto mine. My hands began to wander down her hips and thighs and to grip all of her wonderful feminine parts. There wasn’t a single word of protest. Her lips were parted. I knew it was time.
I invited her back to my place nearby, being mindful of my logistics. She said that she would only come if her friend and my wingman would accompany us. Both were happy to oblige. A fulfilling night ensued for everyone in the house that night.
Emotional Hook Point
If you’ve read this site a decent amount or know anything about seduction theory then you’ve probably heard about hook points before. A hook point is when a girl goes from having just friendly or probing conversation with you to becoming actively interested in spending time with you and investing in you.
But I think it’s important to make a distinction between two different kinds of hook points. The emotional hook point and the sexual hook point.
An emotional hook point is when a girl becomes interested enough to find out what you’re about. In Marianne’s case, it was when I confidently took her hand and started dancing with her. It was a move that not many men pull on such an attractive girl, and it caught her attention. Whenever you can “catch a girl’s attention” and break her out of what I call “emotional auto-pilot”, you’ve hit the emotional hook point.
Usually a girl’s voice will start to inflect and her face will light up, and she’ll become actively interested in what you’re saying and doing. This is a good thing to screen for when learning to identify and know when women like you. If you can reach the emotional hook point, you know that things are progressing nicely.
Sexual Hook Point
The sexual hook point happens when a girl starts to mirror your emotions, sees you as a viable sexual option, and gets turned on herself. Usually the sexual hook point occurs because there is a strong point of relation between you and the girl. With Marianne it was my identifying that her bag was from the Philippines. Not many Americans can relate to people who travel extensively, so when I was able to identify where the bag had originated, it generated a cascade of points of relation – and caused her to hit the sexual hook point.
The eyes can also be a great indicator of a sexual hook point (starting to notice a pattern here?). When a girl is ready to kiss you or step up the physicality, she’ll have what I call “alternating eyes.” Alternating eyes happen when you make eye contact with her, and her gaze constantly shifts between each of your eyes. She is quickly trying to find out what you’re going to do next, and it’s a great sign of spiking sexual excitement. If you catch her making alternating eyes at you, then it’s time to act. It’s time to go for the kiss (or even escalate to sex if it’s really on) then and there.
Final Point: Always Assume Attraction
The final point that I’ll end with is to always assume attraction.
Even if the girl isn’t initially attracted to you, oftentimes the subconscious belief that she is will emanate from you and make her attracted. But more importantly, it helps you communicate your sexy vibe and not overthink the process of getting the girl or placing her on a pedestal.
So next time you see a cute girl, think to yourself: “She wants me. She needs me in her life.”
Don’t let doubt sabotage your success ever again. I’ve given you all the tools you need to know when women like you. No more questioning. No more second-guessing. Just process.
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