Should I Make Her My Girlfriend?


“I am in love – should I make her my girlfriend?”

I have, on multiple occasions, including in the comment sections here at Girls Chase, been asked such a question.

should I make her my girlfriend?

We humans can bond with one another emotionally and experience a stream of emotion that is very intense. We often refer to that experience as love, and, as we know, love is a strong thing.

As you meet women, you will probably meet some you truly like – i.e., some who you would maybe even say you’ve fallen for.

After a while, you pretty much decide to stop doing cold approaches and instead aim to get that one particular girl as your girlfriend.

Such a thing happens to most of us, including Chase and I. I will, in this post, share my opinions on this topic. But keep in mind that you know best what is best for you, and if you believe that trying to get this particular girl to become you girlfriend, no matter what, is an ideal thing for you to do, then you must do whatever floats your boat.


Should I Make Her My Girlfriend?

My opinion is that it all depends on your skill level. Some of you reading this blog have the goal to become better with women, which we all know requires training. But suddenly you meet a girl whom you like more than the rest out there. Should you settle down with her?

My opinion is that you should not. Basically, until you are good with women, you shouldn’t attempt to enter a relationship with any particular woman. There are multiple reasons for this.

The first one being that you will not manage to get her and will just become needy and chase her more and more (which simply increases the chances you don’t get her). As you are maybe not yet good with women, the chances that you manage to attract her and make her your girlfriend are very low.

In an ideal world, women who aren’t attracted to us would ALWAYS tell us to go away. Sadly, in our world, if you have a good tone with a girl whom you are attracted to but who isn’t attracted to you, she will usually continue to be nice and put you in the friend zone.

The friend zone is a terrible place to be. Basically, you become a woman’s slave. A guy who is in the friend zone is basically the worst type of provider… a man who is there for the girl whenever SHE needs him. But besides being a provider, i.e., a man who trades social value and social and emotional support for sex, the friend zoned man trades all this for nothing other than a little bit of positive female attention from a girl he is attracted to.

A woman manages to keep a man in the friend zone by constantly giving him (false) hope that she will maybe one day become his.

Basically, she will give small (very small) subtle signs of interests to the attracted man in order to give him false hope and make him feel just a little closer to the deal... but once he makes a move he gets shot down right away with “we are just friends.

As the woman keeps giving him small signs of interest and the man keeps chasing, the girl just keeps shutting him down with the same stupid excuses all over again. The man keeps chasing and being abused in return, until at last he finally wakes up and moves on. The sad truth is that this can take everything from a week to up till many years.

Either way, this friend zoned man would be better off going out meeting new women every week and having fun; getting laid and becoming overall better with women. He would also save himself from a lot of psychological harm.


What If I Actually Manage to Make Her My Girlfriend?

Then I am happy for you, but even though you meet a sweet girl and you fall for her, and manage to “win her over”, I wouldn’t make her my girlfriend unless you are already good with women.

Similar rules apply here. If you are good with women, not only will you manage to get them attracted to you, you will also make them beg you to become their boyfriend (note: never try to convince a woman to become your girlfriend; it is the woman’s job to do the convincing here).

Truth is, relationships are complex in their nature. Here you will have to not only deal with female emotions, female desires, and female instincts, but also your own.

This makes relationships rather messy, and you need to be a strong man with lots of confidence around women to make things with them work out truly smoothly. For example, knowing that you can meet a new woman anytime you desire will make your relationships with women so much better, because it will display non-neediness, as you will be independent of your girlfriend, and women will actually value your presence due to the social proof.

But none of this comes from just reading a blog post. It requires you to BECOME that man, and becoming that man requires a lot of experience (both negative and positive) with women. For me, to get there it took me around three years (and after five years, I have become even better).

The problem with being lucky and accidently falling for a girl who accidently is looking out for a boyfriend, and accidently turns out to think you seem like a cool dude, can lead to very bad relationships.

Bad in the sense that it increases the chances that you might become a submissive slave to her emotions and needs – and I am not talking about her sexual needs here.

I am talking about her social needs. As I have mentioned earlier, women seek two types of men. The ones referred to as lovers, who are a minority of men out there, who provide sexual satisfaction to women – the men women use for sex basically; in other words, the man we want you to become.

And the providers, who are the majority of men out there, out there providing women with emotional, social, and economic support, and who at times are rewarded with female attention and even sex. Now, unless you are good with women, you will not come across as a lover, but as a provider.

should I make her my girlfriend?

Providers get less respect from women because they are not a rare product. In fact, as we have mentioned on earlier occasions, the majority of men out there are providers. So if you enter a relationship as a provider, you will gain less respect from your woman because you are interchangeable.

This is why, in most relationships, women turn bitter and emotionally distant with their boyfriends after a while. The reason being that women lose respect for providers because these men chase women. They are, in fact, often a bit too needy. In a relationship as the provider, the man is the chaser and the woman is the one being chased.

The rationale is that women do not chase providers unless they are of top quality (very rich or very high status males). The average provider is not worth much to women. Further, as the majority of men are average providers (men with average income and average social status), there will be a lot of competition between them, making them more desperate to get a girl.

“Lovers”, being the minority, do not face such issues. They are rare, making them worth a lot to women. The dynamic changes completely, as they are the ones being chased.

In a relationship, if it becomes apparent that the woman has all the power, that she is in total control over the relationship, then that relationship will die, as women seek men who are confident and dominant; who can lead the dance. The relationship will not only die, it will die slowly, destroying you (and her) on its way. You will end up having to face a harsh girlfriend (or even worse: a harsh wife) who treats you with no respect, who controls you, and who has sex with “lovers” on the side.

But all this can be avoided if you enter the relationship on the right premises:

  1. She is very attracted to you.
  1. You’ve had sex before entering the relationship (so that you are perceived as a lover).
  1. You haven’t communicated to her that you’re a provider but instead a lover (not having spent too much money and time on her).
  1. Making her try to win you over as a boyfriend, not you trying to win her over.
  1. You are experienced with women – able to handle “her”.


A Note on Why Being a Lover is the Best Option for You

Women are paradoxes. They seek both safety and excitement at the same time. Socially speaking, they want a provider, but biologically (or sexually) speaking, they want a lover.

This is the reason why women always say they want a nice guy (a provider) as their boyfriend. This is why you often see portrayals of rich handsome good guys as the ideal boyfriend.

Yet, women constantly hook up with men whom many refer to as bad boys, or men with an attitude (i.e. the lover).

This is the duality of women’s sexuality.

Yet you are better off being the lover in her eyes.

I have already covered many benefits of being a lover, but one that hasn’t been covered is that it is much easier to go from lover to provider than from provider to lover (which is nearly impossible). A typical provider cannot enjoy the benefits of being a lover – i.e., being used for sex only. Yet the lover can turn into a provider and enjoy its benefits (if there are any) any time he wants.

So being perceived as a lover gives you a little leverage because it gives you more options and more playing room.

In most relationships, even though you are a lover, you still need to display some small provider traits. For example, if she needs help with something, you do help her (in exchange for her helping you on another occasion).

This is not a problem because, if you are being perceived as a lover, you can help her without losing your position as a lover.

However, the provider would have a harder time to provide the joys “lovers” give to women, as a provider will very rarely be able to be perceived as a lover – those traits will simply not be perceived.


What If I Am Actually Good with Women?

should I make her my girlfriend?Well, in that case, you can go for it. Make her your girlfriend, if you desire. There is indeed a lot more to learn about women once in a relationship. Honestly, you will learn far more about women on a much deeper level inside a real relationship than if you just sleep with many random women. The only issue is that you won’t meet different types of women once you’re in a monogamous relationship, which is the positive side of being single; namely, that you can meet and learn from many different women.

In this case, you go rather in depth, and really, a good seducer cannot call himself one unless he has had some experience in deeper relationships with women.

Three years ago, I had massive success with women in nightclubs, managing to get multiple one night stands during a short period of time. Then I met this girl and entered a relationship with her (that lasted four months). I can tell you that during that period of time I went from feeling like a pro with women to feeling like a complete amateur. I had no previous experience with relationships and being in that one, even though it went south, gave me a tremendous learning outcome.

The relationship went south and I was getting tooled. Gladly, I was not inexperienced with women and I managed to move on rather quickly. I managed to cut contact with her and forget and live happy ever after.

However, if I were a beginner, things would have turned out far worse. I would maybe have stuck to a terrible relationship and damaged myself psychologically far more.


So, Should You Make Her Your Girlfriend?

If you are not good with women yet, you should not enter a relationship.

There are two reasons for that:

  1. You can get friend zoned and be stuck there for too long.
  1. You can enter a relationship on the wrong premises, making the relationship detrimental to you.

Instead, if you are not good with women yet, you should head out and meet new women and become an attractive man. Do not worry; it will be the best time of your life.

However, if you are already good with women, you can enter a relationship if you want, as you will probably learn a lot from it.

But being single remains a nice thing to be.

Until next,

Alek

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Comments

Funman's picture

Past in these situations?


Hello,Alek and Chase,

Insightful article !

I have some questions for Chase's previous article about considering her past in order to consider a serious relationship with her.

1) My question does the past matter in your opinion if the girl did was not a party girl / wild girl etc, however, she said she felt neglected and not appreciated in her relationship/ marriage? If this is how she justifies her cheating?

There are so many housewives who always give this reason on how they became busy in their lives taking care of the house and the children and their husbands did not make them feel special. Would you consider a serious relationship with a girl in this situation?

2) Would you enter into an exclusive relationship with a girl, if she was having sex with other men during your first month of dating her?

3) I know you have mentioned that you have slept with girls who had boyfriends. Would you make a girl your girlfriend, if she cheated on her boyfriend, and you were her lover when she was cheating on him?

4) This question is similar to question #1. Would you consider entering into a monogamous relationship with a girl who currently has a friends with benefits situation with another guy but is willing to leave him to be exclusive with you?

Funman

subzz123's picture

developing sense of humor


hi chase,

thanks for all efforts you put into to make life easier for guys like us..:)
Brother,here is a situation... i am just a basic learner of entire seduction n social arts field n currently working on to be conversationalist and having trouble to use sense of humor properly( i am talking about sexy humor not clown type).. i tried something but that were not helpful much..so can you give some advise on developing "Sense Of Humor"...I know ur the best guy who can help us a LOT..hope i am not asking too much :)

Grins's picture

Girlfriend Gone South?


Yo! First off, great article. I've been reading GC since mid 2012 and it has dramatically improved my life. My question today has to do with knowing when a relationship has gone south.

You see, I am pretty successful with women BUT that is mostly due to the fact that I am what most women call a very attractive guy (physically). I was gifted with great facial features but, sadly, I am pretty socially oblivious and I have only begun to realize this in the past year or so. Most of my "success" with women comes purely from not messing things up with women who are obviously attracted to me from the get go.

Alongside my realizations of my lack of social savvy, I have also begun to see that most of what I do in social interactions comes purely from intuition and gut feelings rather than actually knowing what's going on. I've spent most of my life with a constant "what the hell is going on?" In the back of my head during most social interactions.

Here's my dilemma... I'm in a relationship with a girl who I was very taken with from the beginning. She definitely is a standout in more ways than just looks and personality. However, lately I have been getting a feeling that she is doing stuff on the side. On top of this, I feel like I have gotten much worse with women in general since being committed to her. I don't feel like the extremely confident guy I used to be.

This being said... How does one know if a girl has gone south in a relationship? Especially for a guy who has learned almost all of his social knowledge from Girls Chase? What are the signs for a somewhat socially oblivious guy?

I don't have any REAL evidence that she is doing wrong or that things have gone south... It's just a very strong intuition that won't leave my head. For months.

Help a brother out?

-Grins

Nuncle's picture

Providers vs Madonnas


Hi Alek

I was wondering how easily the provider/lover divide can be compared to the madonna/whore confusion in men.

This site generally portrays the provider role ( and the female view of it) in pretty unflattering terms.

This is one aspect I would slightly query (putting it no higher than that as women are a mystery to me).

I respect, care about, go crazy for and love my "madonna" women a lot more than the women I put in the "whore" bracket (I know the division is false, I am talking psychologically). Furthermore, I overlook the Madonnas' faults and find them sweet.

I don't think "she'll be OK for the cooking and cleaning while I screw around" I think "Now that's what I call a woman! What have I been doing chasing after these silly young tarts?"

How well does this attitude translate to a woman's view of her "providers"? Or is the dynamic different?

Also, supplemental question - what you say about the female response to her "friend" orbiters. How cold and calculating is it?

Many thanks

Nuncle

jj123's picture

The Friend Zone


Hey

What are the fastest ways to decipher if you've been friend zoned, without asking her outright whether she sees you as "something more?" And, what do you say to those women who tell you they want to be "friends first before dating?" When the dating or romance part doesn't follow, what do you tell her?

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