Your wingman evens the playing field and can help you bring home a pair of cute girls. But… not always. In fact, if we want to consider what actually happens, most wingmen won’t even help you some of the time. In most situations you’re much better off going out alone and finding both self-reliance and success that’s suited to you.
However, what’s not talked about enough is supercharging your success… with a wingwoman. This can be a fun and effective way to boost your results with women, and have a great time in the process.
Today we’re going to talk about the wingwoman method: why it works, whom to choose, and how to go about it for the best results.
There are many things that I love about having female friends. They make me more kind, empathetic, and even more creative. And if they are especially attractive, they give you an interesting firsthand window into the romantic life of a beautiful girl.
Early last year I spent the day with one of my close female friends of many years (who is extremely attractive) and personally witnessed fourteen different guys texting her throughout the day in an attempt to bed her.
I then witnessed five more men approach her at various points during the day as well. She seemed relatively unaffected by all of the attention.
We ended up hanging out until very late into the night, and she told me that some guy had been very forward about how he wanted to see her that night (basically sexting her) and said that though it was unusual, she respected his forwardness. Mind you, we were having this conversation while driving to a very late night party at his house – actions always speak louder than words.
This entire day taught me two very important lessons.
It’s one thing to meet a very attractive girl and assume that there are several other guys going for the girl you want. It’s a whole other world to see droves of men go after a girl firsthand. It removed all remaining doubt I had about moving fast. The clock is always working against you. If you don’t bed your girl, someone else always will. Without fail.
I thought that it would be important to test out a theory of mine. If all of these guys would pine over this girl, would she have the same effect on other girls? So, I sat my friend down the next day and told her that I wanted her to be my wingwoman for the night. She was unexpectedly very excited by the prospect. Admittedly, I was still dealing with occasional bouts of approach anxiety and overall male anxiety from trying to recover from a really ugly situation that I had with a girl. So my female friend was probably more excited about that night than I was.
But that night, we ended up hitting one of the top clubs in the city. I made sure to turn up my fashion for the outing, and she was looking absolutely stunning. We walked in, took a stroll around the place and then hit the bar. As we were standing at the bar, she was telling me a very animated story. After she finished, we decided to hit the dance floor.
On our way to the dance floor, a few girls accidentally bumped into me. I didn’t really think too much of it, and we continued to make our way to the dance floor. She and I are both strong dancers, so we drew the attention of many of the club-goers while we were doing our thing.
After we left the dance floor, the unexpected happened. Women were approaching me. And not just one or two – it was quite a few. And they had all kinds of questions: where I was from, if they could buy me a drink, if my dance partner was my girlfriend, and a whole slew of queries. And of the ones who weren’t talking to me, my friend told me that were many ladies smiling and looking at me.
I wasn’t prepared for all of the attention that night, but I tried the experiment a few more times and had very similar results. Then a few more… and even a few more still.
And thus…the wingwoman (for me) was born.
It was so much easier to find success when going out with a girl. And I was dead set on breaking down why that was and how I could find consistent success.
During my period of experimentation, I tried going out with a few
different girls. And I learned that
just like their male counterpart,
not every girl is suited to be a wingwoman.
In that case, what should you look for in a good potential wingwoman?
Let’s take a look.
Comfort with Men
You may have thought that looks would be the most important factor in terms of finding the right wingwoman. But you’d be wrong. I’ve found that the success factor is largely dependent on her comfort with men. Peter highlighted this type of girl in his article on sex with friends (the "cool girl" he mentions).
These are girls who spend a lot of time around guys and are used to them hitting on girls.
They are also more sexual and have a better intuitive sense when interacting with other girls on your behalf.
So look for the girl who would rather spend time with men over women.
Alright, so looks aren’t the most important… but they are the second most important. If you want to pique the interest of those lovely females who happen to be around you, try to go out with the most attractive friend available; but more importantly make sure that the both of you are dressed up.
If you want to get attention and make the work easier for yourself, you’re going to have to look the part, and stand out.
Good Relationship with You
My job was always easiest when I went out with girls who I had known for at least a few years – if not more. Personally, I’m off the belief that it’s impossible for guys and girls to be just friends. This is almost entirely because of men.
But men, on the other hand, have an attraction – even if subconscious – to almost all (and usually all) of their female friends.
That doesn’t necessarily mean that you consciously want a relationship with a friend or want take her to bed. It just means that if you two found yourselves in an intimate situation… and there was a spark… you probably wouldn’t use your friendship as a stopping block for hooking up.
Because of this fact, there’s usually a pretty potent latent attraction between men and women who have known each other for a long time, especially if you are a sexy man. And this playful, familiar energy simply cannot be duplicated with girls you aren’t as close with. And if you try to force it or fake it, girls will be able to sense it from a mile away.
On the other hand, you will also have this infectious energy with girls you’ve just met where there is a mutual attraction. But in these scenarios, your energy should probably be focused on bedding that particular girl, unless you’ve already missed an escalation window, are unable to bed her for a legitimate reason, or are feeling especially ambitious.
Finding a girl you have the right rapport with is greatly reliant on your instinct. You know the energy I’m talking about. And you probably thought of a specific female friend as you read the last few paragraphs.
The best personality for the best wingwoman can be described in one word: outgoing. Any man can walk around with a beautiful statue on his arm. And in fact, many do. But what will really take your results to the next level will be having a vibrant, energetic and outgoing wingwoman. Not only will she draw attention with her looks, but women will be jealous and intrigued by such a dynamic woman vying for your attention.
But if you don’t have a friend like this, no worries; a kind, positive girl will also do.
There are four (4) key reasons why having a woman as a wing works so darn well.
Preselection. Nothing is more powerful in your seductive arsenal than preselection. If you have it, everything becomes ten times easier. Women want to have what every other woman wants. And with preselection, that becomes you.
If you walk into a venue with a pretty girl, you’re already vouched for. You’re pre-approved for every other woman in the venue. And more so, the other women wonder why a pretty, energetic girl finds you attractive.
And to add fuel to the fire, the marvelous thing about preselection is that it snowballs. A girl sees you walk in with your pretty friend? All right, she’s a little intrigued, and she’ll be more open to you approaching her.
But a girl sees you with your pretty friend and watches four other women approach you? She’s waiting for you to come talk to her. She’s excited, she’s nervous, she’s wondering if anything will happen.
Then a girl sees you with your pretty friend, and watches four women approach you, and watches you approach 3 more who are laughing and flirting with you? She’s on fire. She’s sweating. She’s thinking: “When is he going to talk to me?? Who is this? I want him for myself! How do I look? Will he like me?”
There’s nothing like preselection to get girls fired up about you before you even meet them.
As I mentioned in my article on dating for introverts, and as Alek laid out in his threesomes how-to, your success on a certain night usually doesn’t start when you begin a conversation with a girl. It starts when you enter the venue. And for introverts, it even starts in the daytime. If you’re not talking to anyone and everyone you can, you’ll essentially be going “cold” into a situation.
Your wingwoman solves this problem by giving you someone to interact with on your way to a venue, in the line, and in any pre-gaming spots you decide to check out. This means that you when you get to the main venue, you’ll be able to keep building on your social momentum and use it to have great reactions with women.
There are varying opinions on the importance of social proof. Personally, I believe that social proof won’t make or break an outing, but it can be very beneficial, especially in a bigger venue. It’s like a less potent preselection. I have had many an occasion where I walked into a bar/club and got greeted by the bouncer and a bartender or two, and then upon engaging a woman, had her say, “I noticed that it seems like you know everyone in here.” If you can have her saying that, or even thinking that, the groundwork has already been lain.
So if you walk in with a pretty girl and start chatting people up, your social proof will pretty much be covered.
In case you haven’t noticed, a large part of successful seduction is about laying the foundation before you even meet a girl. Fashion, preselection, presence, social proof, pre-opening and social momentum all work to get the ball rolling so that all you have to do is focus on screening and moving quickly when you do find yourself interacting with a girl – allowing you to truly be sprezzatura.
So make the process as easy for yourself as you possibly can.
Makes Her Feel Good
Women love to feel sexy. Women love to feel attractive. They like to feel beautiful in the eyes of men, as well as in the eyes of other women. So if she’s being playful with you as you meet new girls and inspires jealousy and competition in the hearts of many girls in a venue, she will get drunk off of this power.
Even though I sometimes walked out of a club with a different girl, I could see my wingwoman beaming from all of the attention and validation she got that night (as well as successfully fulfilling her duty… I suppose). Sometimes I even wondered if she was a little bit more satisfied than I was… but I digress.
Now it’s time to break down the process for going out with your wingwoman and having a fantastic night. I’ve already covered the fact that you should both go out dressed to impress; now, let’s look at the next steps.
You Have to Lead
The first thing you have to understand is that a wingwoman is not a wingman. If you have a quality wingman, you can have him take the lead, and watch as he charms a pair of girls and invites you over to help close the deal.
That’s not to say that a girl can’t also do that, but if you ask a girl to wingwoman for you, they’ll usually say “I’d love to!” quickly followed by: “What do I do?”
This is because she is still the woman, and you are still the man. You have to guide her and instruct her on what she needs to do.
Find the Right Venue
Ideally you want to find a venue that is medium sized. Big enough that are enough women to interact with but not so big that there will be a new pool of people constantly cycling through. In terms of the vibe, you want a place that has good music, but not so loud that you can’t carry on a conversation. I know Chase is a big fan of house music clubs, so consider those if they are around. I also look for a place with at least a small dance floor, but this is not necessary if this isn’t your thing (but can really escalate your experience if it is).
Get a Signal
There will inevitably come a time where you are talking to a girl and will want one on one time with her. Some wing women will pick up on this. Some won’t. So have a sly signal just in case you want her to give you room to work. I would share my creative one with you, but gotta keep some things secret ;)
Avoid All Relationship Cues
I know that when a lot of guys think of a big baller, they imagine a man with his arm around a really beautiful woman. However, when entering a venue, you want to avoid all relationship cues.
You want to have the girl animatedly talking to you and touching you playfully, but you don’t want her arm around your waist or anything like that, because people will assume that you two are a couple. Not terrible, but not exactly the point.
Get the Lay of the Land
Now, as you walk in, don’t start trying to scope out girls just yet. Try to get comfortable and very familiar with your surroundings (especially if you’ve never been to the place). Walk around with your wingwoman so people can see you two interacting and having fun. Walk very slowly and take everything in.
And as you’re walking and making your presence known, highlight the important features of the venue in your mind. Where are the bars? Where are the most animated people? Is there a dance floor? Where are there couches/seats for people to sit and talk? Understanding all of these logistics will help you know where to move girls when the time comes.
Now, onto the fun part…
Method #1: You Open (Indirectly)
This is one of my favorite methods because it lets you expend the least effort while inspiring intrigue and keeping things interesting. This method is a rough breakdown of many indirect interactions I’ve had with a girl and a wingwoman.
Step 1: Find a cute girl sitting at the bar or on a couch with a couple of empty seats next to her.
Step 2: Sit down right next to the girl, with your wingwoman on the other side of you. Right before you sit down, tell your wingwoman two things. First, tell her you want her to say “that girl just wouldn’t leave you alone!” Second, after you respond, to hit you in the shoulder.
Step 3: Execute.
Wingwoman: That girl just wouldn’t leave you alone!
You: I know, but it’s no big deal. She just wanted a one night stand, which I understand. I like that she was so open, but she just wasn’t my type.
Wingwoman: So picky! [she hits you playfully on the shoulder]
Step 4: Bump shoulders with the cute girl.
You: Whoa, sorry! [wingwoman] doesn’t know her own strength! But you seem like a girl who doesn’t mind running into a guy like myself. [sexy smile]
Now, if she doesn’t bite she’ll politely accept your apology and turn back. In this case, throw the fish back in the pond and break out the rod again.
If she does bite, she’ll say something like…
Her: What do you mean a guy like you? [with intrigue and playfulness]
To which, you say…
You: Well… [wingwoman] says I’m trouble. [said with a fake sad look on your face]
Her: [to your wingwoman] Is that true?
Wingwoman: Yup! I’d watch out for this one. Think you can handle it?
Her: I think I’ll take my chances.. What are your names?
You then make brief introductions and flash your signal. Your wingwoman then excuses herself.
In this short interaction you’ve built intrigue with the pre-conversation, qualified yourself as an unpredictable man, are in a position for rewarding her for flirting with a dangerous man, and created a sexual vibe.
Alternatively, the girl will say something like…
Her: [laughs] Well… I’m pretty clumsy myself sometimes, so I’ll let it go this time.
You: Well thank you. [you place your hand under her elbow]
You: [to your wingwoman] See! I told you!
Her: Told her what?
You: Well… just between you and me… I just thought you looked like an intriguing girl. [looking deep into her eyes] I’m glad we bumped into each other.
She will probably blush a little. And at this point, you want to go into introductions and building rapport. You can include the wingwoman some more, but try to phase her out and prepare to signal her away again.
In this interaction, you built a connection through touch, made an open assumption that you can tie into many conversational threads, and included her in a secret.
Both situations made possible by preselection… and a woman’s natural desire to eavesdrop.
Method #2: She Opens (Directly)
There’s no point in a woman opening indirectly, because they aren’t suspected of having ulterior motives. So you can easily have your wingwoman go up to a cute girl and strike up conversation about her clothes or her earrings or whatever else women find enjoyable to talk about. And assuming she’s a good conversationalist, she’ll build a halfway decent rapport.
Tell her that you’ll come over in a few minutes. And tell her to say what I’m about to outline.
Meanwhile, you continue to walk around the bar and meet people – or even open other girls. After a few minutes, find your way over to your wingwoman, place your hand on her shoulder and say…
You: There you are!
And she should say…
Wingwoman: Hey! Ellie, this is Colt…he’s pretty much the coolest guy you’ll ever meet.
You: And she is way too nice. I just try to enjoy life just like everyone should. Nice to meet you!
Her: I like that! Very nice to meet you too, Colt!
Wingwoman: Well Ellie and Colt, after talking to Ellie, I now know that you two have something really unique in common! But you two have to figure it out!
And then she gets up and leaves you to your devices. This is the perfect line because it creates instant exclusivity and uniqueness for you and the girl. And even if your wingwoman was just making it up, you can cover an entire conversation while using that as a basis for relating to each other.
Method #3: You Open (Directly)
This method is the same as the normal direct opener. The only difference is that you have your wingwoman nearby to grant you instant validation (your girl will undoubtedly notice, and probably already has).
You will notice that women will receive you much more warmly and it’ll be much easier to create a sexual vibe than you would otherwise normally have on average.
Method #4: The Dance Floor (Indirect)
This is by far my favorite method. Though, it does require low-intermediate or higher dance skills. After you case the joint and chat up some people, you take your wingwoman to the dance floor and show her off. You can dance a little salsa with her, then break off and show some solo skills. The most important part about this method is your energy. If you’re genuinely having a great time, everyone will feed off of that.
It won’t take long for girls to start gathering around you and/or asking you to dance. If you happen to start dancing with one you are attracted to, do some playful dancing with her (twirl her around, grind your butt on her, etc.). This is important because most women are actually really self-conscious about their dancing. They will quickly go into auto-rejection if you’re too good. That’s right, there’s attainability even on the dance floor. So make sure to make her feel desired, but also keep her comfortable and relaxed, as well.
If you don’t have a girl you like approaching you, then go approach a girl you find attractive. But once again, be playful about it.
After a few minutes (and it should be no more than a few minutes), take a girl off the dance floor and move her to a sitting area.
If you don’t end up finding a girl you like, slowly step off of the dance floor and approach one you actually want. Switch to a more low-key vibe and slowly open her. She’s already seen you dancing, and she’s likely to comment on it. It’s a great jump-off point to begin an interaction.
Whether or not you hit the dance floor, if you and your wingwoman interact with enough people and become the life of the party, you will have at least one woman (if not more) approach you. How you handle this is up to you. Generally, the women who cold approach you will rarely be the ones you want. But not always! If you find one you fancy, move very very fast. Women don’t like putting themselves on the line, so you have to reward them in a big way if they do. Or let them down gently if you’re not interested.
What you will also notice is the increased number of approach invitations. That’s what you want to focus on. There will be plenty of cute girls who want you to seek them out, but are waiting for you to make the move. Take advantage of the spike in invitations.
Enjoy the attention, and use every interaction to keep building on your ever surging preselection.
The Burning Question
If you’re executing this process, you should hear the burning question more than once: “So…is she your girlfriend?” or “What’s the deal between you and her?”
And as always (to avoid her concluding that you must NOT be as desirable as she thought; otherwise, you’d be having a sexual relationship with the girl you’re with), you want to answer as vaguely as possible. My usual go-to is “Wouldn’t you like to know?” and then launching into (or back into) conversation.
The burning question is a sign that you’ve done things correctly. And it’s always one of the most apparent signs of interest.
You know the rule: always be closing. The bringing a girl home part is entirely on you. With all these opportunities, find a girl you like, hit the escalation windows, move her, and take her home. Don’t hesitate to leave your wingwoman behind. She knows the deal. And hey, she’ll probably find a nice guy herself!
And there you have it! A fun outing had and many women interacted with. And hopefully… one (or more?) taken home.
Disclaimer: I would discourage trying this with a friend you are secretly in love with, think you’re in love with, or legitimately want as a girlfriend. There are a few time-consuming ways to escape the friend zone, and this can work as a faster method; but if it backfires, it will only exacerbate any feelings or frustrations that you may have (particularly if you have to watch her flirt and go home with other men).
And the funny thing about having all of your thoughts on one girl is that once you’re surrounded with several new ones, you usually forget about how intensely you wanted the original girl – and even why you felt so strongly in the first place.
However, if you are dead set on winning over that one good friend, this can be a very effective method – especially if she’s not particularly promiscuous and prefers the company of other females.
First off, if she knows of how you feel about her (and if you’re friends with her, she probably does), she will be excited, and secretly feel a little jealously curious that you’ve not only turned your attention to other women, but want to use her to boost your success.
Second, if you follow the process that I laid out, she will see that you are desired and even being approached by other girls, which will definitely have her see you in a new light.
Finally, if you’re having her talk you up and generally make you look good, she will realize that you are not a man whom she has under her thumb, and this will make her attracted.
But once again, let me add that in the end, her attraction for you is not about these three reasons, but more because once you have these three factors going for you, your attention will shift away from her, which will really spike her attraction for you. That’s women for you! (Just kidding, men do this too)
Not a Silver Bullet
There is no silver bullet in seduction. And the wingwoman method is no different. This is a fun way to socially experiment, boost your confidence if you’re still a little shaky, and make some fun memories with a good friend (and if it all goes well, your partner in crime will greatly enjoy it, and likely bring it up for years to come).
But it is not a substitute for fundamentals, gaining experience, hard work, and process. Once you become intermediate or advanced, using a wingwoman will be something you do for fun or just because you can. But you should always be able to approach women on your own.
Go out, have fun, and wing wo-man up. And yes…