How to Use Astrology with Girls


In the comments section of the 2013 “Year in Review” article, Nate asks:

Chase,

This is a bit random, but can you do a post on astrology? Lately i’ve been fascinated by how accurate zodiac signs can be and the possibility of it showing how compatible you are with certain personality types. Obviously there’s gonna be some exceptions, but from what I’ve noticed they are often dead on. It would be interesting to see how well they correlate or if they just create some weird prejudices.

I’ve seen you mention it in a few of your posts and just wanted to see your take on it.

Nate

astrology girls

Yes – astrology. Something almost everyone has a strong opinion about one way or another; it’s wonderful, or it’s rubbish.

Yet, however you feel about astrology, it is a fascinating little subject in-and-of itself... and it’s one that’s pretty darn fascinating to most of the women you’ll meet, too.


astrology girls

My first exposure to astrology came during childhood, when an aunt of mine bought me a bookmark with my astrological sign and profile on it. I found it amazingly accurate. That was interesting to me, but after that I largely forgot about it.

Many years later, I stumbled across astrological predictions for the upcoming year and, as a means of testing these, went back and examined predictions for my sign by the same individual, a year earlier. I’ve always been curious about the occult, but prefer not to accept anything unless I can test it out; that seemed like as good a test as I could put together (see if the prior year’s prediction matched up with how that year actually went).

Yet, when I went back over that prediction for the year that had just passed, I found it astonishingly accurate. Down to specific events in specific months, and good events and even warnings that rang all-too-true; so true that I laughed when I read them: “Yes, I WISH I’d looked out for that in July!”

And I was amazed: could there actually be something to this astrology stuff?

I couldn’t figure out how it worked. The astrologer’s party line is clearly bunk; the Western zodiac is based on 4,000 year old Mesopotamian star-reading, with the astrological signs unchanged since then – even as the stars themselves have shifted in their positions in the sky. If you want to be completely accurate, according to how astrology is supposed to work, if you’re born during under Libra in modern times, your actual sign is Virgo, technically-speaking. And the whole “stars influencing personality” thing is ridiculous.

But might the seasons themselves have some effect on personality, similar to the curious trends Malcolm Gladwell observed (and explained) in Outliers happening with disproportionate numbers of Canadian professional hockey players being born in January, February, and March, and almost none of them born in October, November, and December? Or something else?

And how to explain those predictions?


The Barnum Effect

A fascinating cognitive bias known in psychological circles as the Forer effect, and, more colloquially, as the Barnum effect, after P.T. Barnum, the famed showman (“There’s a sucker born every minute”), observes that people will attribute high degrees of accuracy to otherwise vague statements made about their own personalities.

That means, if you and I meet, I can deliver cold reads to you like:

  • You have a strong internal need to be liked and admired by others

  • You seem controlled and collected on the outside, but on the inside you have your own fears, doubts, and insecurities

  • While you lead a good life and do interesting things, sometimes you wonder if you’re really living life to the fullest of your potential

  • You take pride in your tendency to think independently, and don’t accept the statements of others without sufficient proof

  • You have some flaws and weaknesses, but you’re mostly able to make up for them

  • Sometimes you’re vibrant, outgoing, and social, but other times you’re quiet, thoughtful, and withdrawn

... and you’ll nod your head in complete agreement.

Just like almost everyone else on Earth I might say these things to, too.

Research from 1973 tells us that you’re every bit as likely to accept as true negative Barnum statements as you are positive Barnum statements, and a 2009 study finds that while Westerners and Chinese are equally likely to believe in astrology and buy into Barnum statements, Westerners are more likely to believe that their personal Barnum profile is unique to them, while Chinese are more likely to believe that the statements are as applicable to everyone else as they are to them.

astrology girls

And Barnum statements are a big part of the reason why astrological profiles sound so convincing – because we as human beings (and especially for those of us who are Westerners) tend to assume that whatever’s written or said about us is unique and true – even if it only just sounds unique and true.


Some Things I Can’t Explain

There are some things I can’t explain, that may be due to some sort of mechanism with a measure of accuracy underlying astrology... or may just be due to some combination of pure chance and confirmation bias. After all, throw enough various specific statements at different people, and someone is going to end up having a lot of them be scarily accurate by sheer luck of the draw.

Astrological profiles tend to make a lot of general statements across all the signs – e.g., in every profile, you’ll read things like “You’re intelligent” and “You’re a good-hearted person”, for instance.

However, these also make specific personality assessments that contrast between signs, and I find these pretty accurate for most of the people I interact with. Like:

  • Some signs are described as shying away from the limelight (Capricorn, Taurus) while others head straight for it (Leo)

  • Some signs are described as brash and brazen (Aries) while others are described as subtle, sneaky, and calculating (Scorpio)

  • Some signs are deeply emotional and soft (Pisces) while others are cold, hard, and analytical (Aquarius)

  • Some signs require structure, hierarchy, and order to function (Capricorn), while others are more comfortable breaking the mold (Aquarius) or living in utter chaos, movement, and energy (Leo)

Things like this I have found consistently accurate, and don’t have an explanation for. I’ve had pretty good success guessing zodiac signs (it’s lots of fun when a girl describes her personality for you, and you then tell her her zodiac sign and she goes nuts), but that may well be a case of girls knowing their zodiac signs consciously (or unconsciously) highlighting for you their personality characteristics that most closely match their sign descriptions.

I certainly see big differences between my fun-loving Sagittarius friends, who always want to be enjoying themselves and doing social things, and my detached Aquarius nature, which enjoys their company but finds the “fun” things they enjoy so much to be boring and inefficient uses of time.

And my Leo friends and I tend to both fascinate each other and come to blows with one each other, attract and repel each other, just as polar opposites in the zodiac are supposed to.

My favorite tome on astrology is The New Astrology, by Suzanne White (I strongly recommend picking up a copy if you’re at all interested in this subject or plan to use it with girls – it’s 10 bucks, it’s awesome, and you can get it at the bottom of this page), who fuses Chinese and Western zodiac signs to create a number of new, detailed, and specific readings. After picking up a copy, I found that an ex-girlfriend I’d had one of my longest and strongest relationships with and perhaps strongest initial chemistry had her sign listed as one of the three (out of 144 possible) most ideally matched signs for my own.

So, there are some things I cannot explain in astrology, that I don’t bother much thinking about, since the explanations of astrologers themselves I don’t find very convincing, and there appear to be too many specific examples of astrology being accurate to simply write off... but then, that may just be the pattern-recognition device sitting between my ears going a little overboard focusing on the things that match up and ignoring the ones that don’t (and that’s probably the one any reasonable objective observer with give the most credence to).

In any event, the book on astrology is pretty open and shut, so far as science is concerned; here’s “A double-blind test of astrology”, published in Nature in 1985:

Tested the accuracy of astrological natal charts in describing the personality traits of 193 Ss (aged 17+ yrs). In Exp I, Ss provided information from which their natal charts and interpretations were constructed by astrologers. Each S then attempted to select his/her own natal chart interpretation from a group consisting of his/her own and 2 others. In Exp II, the astrologers were separately given the natal chart of a random S and a California Psychological Inventory (CPI) description of the S’s personality traits along with CPI descriptions of 2 other Ss. The astrologers selected the 2 CPIs (1st and 2nd choice) that described personalities closest to the personality indicated by the natal chart. The astrologers also rated the CPIs for closeness of fit to the natal chart descriptions. Results indicate that Ss and astrologers scored at a level consistent with chance. The data support arguments against natal astrology as practiced by astrologers.

... and as for those yearly predictions, well, after that first year, I had a few more that seemed to match up well, and then the astrologer who wrote them retired, and everything else I found was way off base.

Also, I don’t think I’ve ever read a horoscope that says, “This year you will die”, despite the fact that every year, thousands of individuals read their horoscopes for the year who end up never making it to December; you’d think that’d be some pretty important information to predict / include.

So, my official stance on astrology is, it’s interesting, and while the predictions are all over the place, the profiles themselves can seem to be accurate, and I’ve actually made fairly reliable forecasts about how relationships between myself and past girlfriends would go depending on their astrological signs (e.g., me, the cold, detached Aquarius with a soft, tender, emotional Pisces – not so good a mix)... but there’s enough missing that it’s not worth making any major life decisions over.

That said, I do still keep an eye out for gals with signs compatible to me. Call it superstition.

Anyway, you aren’t here to read about my personal beliefs on astrology; let’s talk about how you can use it with girls.


astrology girls

All those things I just talked about in the last section that I find fascinating and that I can’t fully explain to my own satisfaction (call me kooky) even after reading the research on it? They’re JUST as fascinating – if not MORE so – to most women.

Most of the men I meet think astrology is a whole lot of hokum, but the women are another story altogether. I’ve met very few women who dismiss it outright (though did have an especially rational Chinese economist girlfriend who was entirely unimpressed by my tales of astrological predictions come true and accuracy of profiles – “That could be true of ANYBODY!” she said when reading her one such profile in an effort to convince her of the uniqueness; maybe that’s that Western / Chinese thing).

And when you guess their signs right, or can tell them about their signs, as I mentioned earlier in this article, their eyes pop out, their jaws drop down, and they think you have magical powers.

And let me tell you – EVERY woman wants to sleep with a man with magical powers who can see right through her and tell her things about herself other men will never know.


Astrology as a Tool for Deep Diving

Here’s my favorite site for Western zodiac sign explanations: Astrology Online. When I have a computer handy (I don’t use Internet on my phones – personal choice; I’m a busy enough guy without apps and interruptions and the web), if I don’t have Suzanne White’s New Astrology on me, or I want something simpler to skim, I go here. Sometimes I’ll start with Astrology Online, then move to New Astrology, because then it lets us do astrology deep diving twice over, instead of only once.

What’s great about a detailed astrological profile – whether you think there’s something to it or that it’s complete rubbish – is that people enjoy reading about things that are SUPPOSED to be about them, and then either confirming or denying them.

Here’s the conversation you have with girls about astrology – doesn’t matter an ounce whether they believe it or not:

You: Hey, so what do you think about astrology?

Her: I think it’s pretty amazing / I think it’s silly / I don’t know much about it.

You: Yeah, it’s pretty neat, huh? / Yeah, it is kind of silly, isn’t it? / Hmm. Well, it’s a little silly, but also sometimes a little fun to think about.

You: Here, let’s take a look at your profile and see how accurate it is, or how silly it is. When’s your birthday?

That’s it. Same exact conversation; only thing different is what you say in response to how she says she feels about astrology. That’s it. No different. (also, you ask for birthday, not sign, because you convey more of an “expert” feel by asking for the birthday rather than the sign – that’s one of those 1% edges that doesn’t make a huge difference, but adds up)

Notice that at no point here do you say, “I TOTALLY believe in astrology!” or “The zodiac is utter hogwash, and those who believe it are fools.” You never state a concrete opinion one way or the other. That’s because you don’t know how this girl really feels about it, and chances are she’s being guarded about her opinions because she doesn’t want to alienate you or be judged by you:

  • There are girls who will say, “Yeah, astrology’s pretty cool, I guess,” who in fact think it’s silly superstition, but they’re giving a noncommittal answer because they think you might be interested in it and don’t want to hurt the connection with you.

  • Alternately, there are girls who will say, “Astrology seems pretty silly to me, really,” who in fact are secret zodiac fanatics but don’t want to sound too New Age-y in front of a man (most men don’t care for the zodiac, she knows).

So don’t assume you know her true feelings about astrology before you start really diving into it with her, and don’t go spouting about your opinions. A seduction is never about YOU; it’s about HER. Keep that in mind. You can share your disdain for or fanaticism about astrology later... once the two of you are lovers.

Now, back to her profile: what happens once you start going through her profile with her?

You deep dive her like crazy.

You get to know all about her – her secrets, her thoughts, her motivations, her flaws, her points of pride. Things you would never come across in normal conversation without it. Buried childhood memories get dredged back up and shared; secret hopes and dreams she only thinks about late at night come spilling out.

And all because she’s trying to either show you how she fits into her astrological profile, or show you that the profile’s got her all wrong.


Fun and Compatibilities

Astrology’s additionally a fantastic way to find all kinds of things you can use to tease girls in playful, harmless ways. This is an ESPECIALLY powerful tool when you find yourself in a lifeless conversation with a mostly-boring girl.

I know you’ve had them... those interactions where you’d probably like to sleep with the girl, but she’s SO BORING and has SO LITTLE going on in her life that you don’t see how you’re going to make it another 10 minutes in the conversation, let alone all the way up to the two of you being in bed together. You may find yourself wondering how any man has EVER slept with this girl before... after those first few minutes of conversation run out and she’s standing there staring at you like a piece of driftwood no matter what you say or do, or how intriguing you are, or how much you probe into her background (uneventful childhood; no hobbies, dreams, or passions; no goals in life), you wonder how any man could possibly make it out of those conversational doldrums.

Astrology to the rescue! It’s tons of fun with even really interesting girls, but can really save your behind with girls who’ve otherwise got nothing to say and nothing to share.

Even boring girls dig the zodiac.

astrology girls

Once you start going through her profile, you’ve got all kinds of things to chat with her about, and tease her about.

She’s Aries? “Hmm... says here that Aries are ‘dynamic and quick-witted.’ That’s good! ... also says that you are... let’s see... ‘foolhardy and daredevil.’ Uh-oh. Sounds like you get yourself into quite a bit of trouble.”

She’s Cancer? “It says you’re very shrewd, loving, and intuitive. Those are pretty good qualities! Oh, but wait... it says you’re a homebody, too. ‘Nest like is an appropriate adjective for the Cancerian home, for its inhabitants tend to favor the dark, mysterious but comfortable type of house which has something of the air of a den about it’ – hmm, that true?! Which room is the cave in your home?”

Once you’re good with astrology, you can use it without having to have a reference in front of you, as you come to learn well the signs of important people in your life, and new lovers and girlfriends you take who play key roles.

If you find yourselves listed in the compatibilities sections while reading profiles, that can make for fun flirting fodder: “According to this, we’re a match made in heaven. So, we should probably go date other people and then come back and find each other once we’re ready to settle down, in like 10 years. Agreed?” or “It would appear we’re worst enemies, destined to tear each other to shreds. We should make sure nothing EVER happens between us,” followed up immediately with a manhandle kiss.

And you can always tease Capricorns about their tendencies to fall for the wrong person, although it becomes less funny when a Capricorn girl starts telling you she loves you not long after first sleeping together with you.


My Prediction

... is that if you haven’t used the zodiac with women before, and even if you think it’s rubbish, you’re probably going to try it out sometime soon. It’s just fun, and it’s an easy way to spice up your interactions and get women opening up to you in ways you couldn’t have any other way.

Again, I’d advise keeping your feelings on astrology muted, at least before sleeping with a girl; whether you’re a diehard skeptic or a true believer, or you’re somewhere in between, all she should hear from you is that it’s “interesting to think about” and that you want to find out how accurate or not her profile is. That’s it. This isn’t “share your opinion” time – it’s get to know her time.

If you’re using astrology right, you can get to know a girl pretty easily, pretty fast. Just like other forms of cold reading, astrology is a wonderful tool for astonishing women at how much you know about them without even knowing them.

So, hang up your skeptic hat, or put away your true believer crystal ball; this is about using astrology as a tool for connection-building. It’s just another tool in your tool belt, but kind of like a hammer, it’s one that you can use in a variety of situations, for a variety of different jobs.

Best of all, the zodiac is easy to use, and tons of fun. Enjoy it!

Chase

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Comments

Wes's picture

Magical powers


Hey Chase, love the article. When isaw it, I had to read it right away.

Like you, I find astrology interesting but can't say I COMPLETELY believe in it. I was first introduced to it being used on me when my ex girlfriend (Aquarius) constantly told me about how somewhat compatible we were together. I'm a Capricorn.
(it's so funny because she actually was a cold person who didn't show much affection. The way she showed it was by bringing up astrology, making me listen to songs that described how she felt about me, or making me read her poetry that I assume was about me.)
After our breakup, I more or less used astrology in my interactions with girls, but I didn't completely know what I was doing. It's interesting though, how well it helped me get to know them.
I was laughing at the "boring girl" moment in the article because I've also used it to help me get to know this extremely boring girl in the past. I was scratching my eyes out talking to her because I really wanted her BADLY. She was so beautiful, but I couldn't make a connection happen because of how boring she was and how little she contributed to the conversations we had.

I really enjoy these "magical" aspects to game and sometimes I like to add them in.
Are you familiar with the movie "Next" with Nicolas Cage? Or Neil Patrick Harris' character on "how I met your mother" ? They both use magic tricks to pick up women and I think it's so cool.
Do you know anyone or could you possibly make an article on using magic tricks in our pickups?
I know it sounds stupid and would probably draw out a seduction longer than it needs to go, but I think it adds a fascinating uniqueness to us guys that women would really appreciate.
I just want to know some easy tricks that I can intertwine with my process sometimes.

I already follow this YouTube channel called "freemagiclive". It's this Australian guy who (sometimes seduces women) breaks down step by step how to do specific magic tricks. He's done a couple of videos with the theme of picking up girls but most of his teachings are just for being a performer/entertainer.
It'd be nice to use magic to get investment, compliance, deep dive, etc going on in a cool smooth way.
Thanks in advance if you decide to.

Wes

(oh yea also, just curious, we're you ever going to lay out a post of your plans for GC in 2014? You did it last year and I assumed you were going to do it again. I think it's cool to see what's in store for the website.)

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Magical powers

Author

Wes-

Fun anecdotes there! I haven't seen Next or How I Met Your Mother, though I've heard guys talk about the latter from time to time.

Actual magic tricks I've never taken the time to learn myself - I knew a card trick or two years ago, but have long since forgotten those. I'll put it on our article queue, although I don't know that any of writers presently on-staff know much magic. Magic tricks used to be popular in the pickup community, though they fell out of favor in the mid-2000s as overly gamey... you'd have to be careful to not veer too far into entertainer land when doing them, but so long as you can do that they could be fun / neat.

Chase

Dante's picture

Seduction and herpes


Hey Chase!
Love your site and all the awesome articles here and I was hoping you could help me out. Long story short I had sex with a girl who later found out she had herpes. I'm pretty sure I have it too because 2 days after sleeping with her I notice three little itchy bumps down there and yes I did use a condom. Luckily it was only those three bumps, and slight itching, the girl had it much worse. So yeah I am among the lucky minority of people who actually know they have genital herpes

Anyways the disease isn't what I'm really worried about. If the only way to get better with girls is to sleep with more girls this throws a pretty big wrench in my plans.

What I want to know is how would you handle this situation Chase? I would think that throwing statistics at a new girl about how unlikely it would be for her to catch it from me in-between outbreaks would not be very sexy lol.

Please help me out

Dante

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Seduction and herpes

Author

Dante-

That's tough. That's the "dread STD" as far I'm concerned, just for the mix of infectious / cosmetic / stigmatizing effects plus its to-date incurable nature. Australian drug company Admedus (creators of the cervical cancer vaccine) just announced on Monday that it's completed safety trials for its herpes vaccine that may double as a herpes cure; between that and the one Yale's working on, looks like there's a little bit of an arms race when it comes to getting rid of this disease.

In the meantime, while there's no cure available, I'd stock up on medicine, and on condoms and carrageenan (discussed in my article on avoiding STDs if you haven't seen it yet). I'd suggest being religious about condom use and carrageenan use, and abstain from sex during outbreaks (which should be infrequent; seems like some people get them a few times a year, and some people only get them once or twice and then their bodies suppress the virus and they don't get another outbreak again). A friend tells me that when he takes medication as soon as he sees any sores appearing, they're generally gone within a few days.

When it comes to relationships, I'd probably just keep using condoms and carrageenan until a girl you're seeing pushes for you to not use them. At that point, you can tell her, "We can't - a girl I slept with 6 months ago gave me herpes, and even though I'm probably not infectious when I don't have any symptoms, I don't want to risk giving it to you."

Then, she'll either freak out (unlikely, I'd think), or she'll enter into a dialogue with you and you can decide how you want to run the relationship. At minimum, you'd probably want to always use carrageenan, even if she decides she wants to go without a condom, and make sure you abstain entirely during outbreaks. Even then, carrageenan isn't completely fool proof - I'd probably suggest seeking out an expert on herpes and finding out what the various risks are when not shedding, how good protection carrageenan offers used purely on its own without a condom, etc., so you and any girl you're with can accurately gauge the risks.

Chase

DP's picture

Astrology


Hey Chase,

I have been reading your stuff for a couple years now, and I cannot tell you how thankful I am for your valuable insight. Your ability to convey the big picture and philosophy of the lesson, while also breaking the details down into organized and easy to follow points is very impressive. I am writing today to comment specifically on astrology and also ask a question about a couple problem areas of mine.

Regarding astrology, I too used to be a huge skeptic. But, somewhere around the age of 17 a family friend (who was very into astrology) paid to have my natal chart drawn and interpreted by a professional astrologer. The interpretation was spot on, and the information was incredibly pointed and specific (negating the likelihood of Barnum statements or confirmation bias). After that, I became interested in the subject matter and began my own independent study, including a 3-day professional course while I was studying abroad in Dublin during college. In fact, I am still learning new things about the field to this day. I agree that the science behind it (the angles of the stars, etc.) is a bit unclear, but I think that the majority of the criticism comes from the simplistic sun sign interpretations provided in newspapers and beginner's books. I think if guys really want to do an effective job of deep diving, they should not only inquire into a girl's sun sign, but also her moon sign, venus, mars, etc., and the respective houses they sit in. That way you can cold read without being overly generic or vague. The complete accuracy of a natal chart depends on not only what day and month she was born, but also what year, what time of day, and where. The good news is that you can figure out the signs of most of the other planets by just knowing what year she was born.

Also, the scientific study you cite to has been highly criticized for its biased procedures and conclusions---some professionals (not astrologers) even opine that the study actually shows some support for astrology. If you are interested in the details of the criticism, you can just search for an article entitled "U-Turn in Carlson Astrology Test." But that concludes my two cents on astrology.

Now to my two problem areas. The first area concerns picking up girls who are working as waitresses or bartenders. Every time I see a girl I might be interested in that is working as my waitress or bartender, I am not exactly sure how to go about the pick up, especially when my friends or her co-workers are in earshot. I don't want to place any negative social pressure on her, but at the same time, I want her to know that I am interested and ask for her contact info. I have not quite figured out a way to do this that would not make her uncomfortable or get me slotted into the same category as the dozens of guys who have previously made lame attempts at picking her up on the job. If you could provide some insight in this area via a reply to my comment or a full-blown article, I would really appreciate it man.

My other issue deals with something you have talked about indirectly in previous articles. In your articles (and those of the other authors), there is frequent discussion about how your emotional state transfers to those you are interacting with because of the mirror neurons we humans possess. Yet, you also discuss that process is more important than confidence (or your emotional state). So that leaves me to wonder how much impact your being in a nervous, awkward, or unconfident emotional state really has if you can still pull off a seduction by following process? My specific problem is that whenever I am in a nervous or less socially inclined mood, I tend not to even try talking to new girls because I don't want them to pick up on my poor emotional state. Obviously, this produces a negative cycle in which I depend on my mood to pick up girls. If you could provide some clarity on this, I would really appreciate it.

Thanks for your time man and keep up the good work.

-DP

My second

Chase Amante's picture

Astrology, Waitresses/Bartenders, Nervousness

Author

DP-

Interesting stuff on astrology. I wasn't aware of any criticism on the methodology of that above-referenced study; always worth looking into.

I have a note down for an article on hired guns (waitresses, bartenders, etc.). Used to have on up here on picking up bartenders, though I took it down a while back for privacy reasons. The biggest suggestion for that, though, is "Go early and go alone" - very hard to talk to bartenders when they're busy; even if you're Brad Pitt, you won't command much attention. And friends are a huge distraction here (and can make female bartenders much less aggressive with you).

As for nervousness / other "way out of state" situations, it comes down to how you're thinking about your approaching. If you're thinking small ("Whatever girl I approach, I must try to sleep with her"), you'll be discouraged, because it's going to seem very unlikely, and is. If you're process focused and thinking big picture, though ("Even if this girl blows me out, it's unimportant; what's important is that I condition myself to approach regardless of emotion, and that I start building social momentum right now to get myself into a good head space"), it immediately become 100x easier to do all the approaching you need to do.

Chase

jj123's picture

True Astrology


Chase,

I am a Pisces who these days often acts more like an Aries. Why? Because my progressed planets are heavily concentrated in Aries for this time period. But why would this make sense to those who operate on a simple 12-sign system that supposedly encompasses Western astrology?

I relate to Aquarius a lot, too. My midheaven is there, and my literary pursuits somewhat echo some of your themes. They're a bit irregular and forward-looking. THE FACT IS, real astrology takes a full individual birth chart that contains major angles, and 10 planets (the moon counts among them). Each angle and each planet has its own sign. So I'm a Pisces (where the sun is every early March), but my moon is Taurus (stubborn and materialistic, sometimes lazy) and Venus in Capricorn (romance is slower, less emotional and more down to business -- often in the financial sense). The big, outer planets also have their own signs, often the same as everyone else born your year or of your generation. My ascendant angle is Gemini (communicating). Therein lies your traits, and the arrangement of all these planets -- put together -- determines the "real you." The more planets in a sign (or element) you have, then the more like that sign you are. You can be an Aquarius, but have four planets in Pisces and become a drunken poet living off a dock.

The CURRENT motion of planets, both calculated as transits and progressions, determine your "luck," or let's say the general direction of the wind, so to speak. Aquarians have it a bit tougher this year, unless your birthday is late January. Saturn makes a difficult angle to Aquarius planets as it goes through Scorpio now. How you're affected depends on where the Sun or any other Aquarius planets are in the birth chart.

"There are some things I can’t explain, that may be due to some sort of mechanism with a measure of accuracy underlying astrology... or may just be due to some combination of pure chance and confirmation bias." Actually, there is nothing random about this, it is a complex art-form that time and again has been correct, useful and gets vindicated over and over. In fact, a GREAT way to get to know a girl is learning to read actual full birth charts, then getting her birthday and reading hers.

Anonymous's picture

Hey chase I got a question.


Hey chase I got a question. What do you do when you escalate to sex and then it goes wrong? I've bean reading your articles for a year and improved dramatically but yesterday I took home an extremely beautiful girl home like victoria secret model quality. I guess maybe i came across as a little desperate and broke my frame of being cool, calm and sexy. She stills texts me we should hangout next week. Do you think I already messed up or there is still a chance?

Chase Amante's picture

Failed Escalations

Author

Anon-

Check out this article, and skip down to the one on failed escalations / failed mating attempts: "3 Second Date Strategies to Make Her Flirt and Swoon."

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Hi


Chase, I read that you find girls 25-28 to be in the sweet spot of maturity and youth, and I agree fully. I belive you are in your early 30's, same as me, and girls 25-28ish are my favourites also.

My question, would you date a younger girl say 19-22 if you and her got along and she checked all the boxes? I ask because sometimes I find myself in conversation with these young girls but I always feel unsure about moving things forward, even though she's great. Sex alone is fine, but when it comes to relationships I don't know. What do you think?

Another question is how long do you think guys our age can go on dating girls 25-28? I hate the feeling of one day having to change my preferences because of something so artificial and socially constructed as chronological age, what do you think? On on hand I'm like ah fuck what everybody else says, I'll date who I want, but how do you DEAL with the pressure that comes from going against the grain? And on the other hand it's like it's not only my decision, the girl has to want to date someone older also, so I don't know how likely it is anyway. Your thoughts would be welcome on top of the two related articles I have read on here.

Another question, and subject - What's the deal on keeping your opinion to yourself and being non judgemental in a social situation when somebody says something you completely is agree with? Specifically I mean in a seduction setting, here your talking to a girl. Is It always better to avoid getting into disputes etc and just let things go when she says something stupid or harsh?

Thanks so much chase, really appreciate all the time and effort you put into this website, it's great.

Chase Amante's picture

Age and Debate

Author

Anon-

My general feeling is it's a little too hard to get a read on a girl's intelligence, independence, and ambition in her early 20s, and she's also a little too prone to be in the prime of her "I want to run free!" years, at least in the West. That's not to say I'd rule it out, but girls can flip-flop a lot at that age; you might meet a girl from a conservative upbringing who's still conservative at age 21, and then by age 22 she's flipped into a wild "give me freedom!" girl. It becomes a question of, "What does she contribute to my life that I can't get elsewhere and with less risk of interruption / distraction?" I enjoy sleeping with late teens / early 20s women more than women in their mid to late 20s, but I enjoy the latter more in relationships than I do the former.

As for age limits and social stigmas, all my thoughts on it are in the two articles you mentioned:

... but, to reiterate, the grain is only gone against if you are an unexceptional older male; and, personally, anyone placing negative (e.g., non-improvement oriented, but rather control-oriented) pressure on me I rapidly excise from my life, since these people tend to be failures themselves who want to anchor others' lives rather than improve their own lives and those around them. They're miserable people who want company. Likelihood of women wanting to date you in your later years I discussed in-depth in those articles, so no point rehashing, but, basically, if your ducks are in order, you won't even be worried about this.

On how to handle disagreement and when to do it, see this: "Disagreeing with Women, Made Fun and Effective"; though, my general thought is, only fools debate women they want to sleep with. If it's something like an example from that article that needs to be addressed to maintain her respect (e.g., a sweeping generalization against men), you must do it; otherwise, let sleeping dogs lie. You can always just not see her again once you've slept with her.

Impassioned debates never change minds, but they do lose you friends.

Chase

340Breeze's picture

Non Astrology Questions


I have a bunch of questions in my ramblings below. If you can, please help. Thanks!

Do you have any articles on the market-based nature of male-female relations? It's really a negotiation. Men have wants and so do women. When both parties value what the other has on offer (more or less), then a trade can take place...men get sex and women (hope to) get a relationship of some sort. The problem tho is that some guys try to trade money, friendship, etc in return for sex (without realizing they must stir up a woman's loins with dominance and sexiness and make her comfortable with rapport and deep diving). To me, these guys are a problem, because women can default to and dominate these guys in relationships.

Alot of women appear to value themselves extremely highly (who knows whether or not this is real or feigned for appearances sake) even if their relative value to other women is small. Alot of women EXPECT much much more than just a roll in the hay because they FEEL more valuable than all that. Some people say women's stratospheric expectations come from hollywood, disney, romance novels. But another underdiscussed topic is the impact of how a large group of desperate men go about trading for vagina (vj). In hopes for vj they trade by over-investing (becoming "friends first" or dealing with women's baggage, tantrums and issues), take women on expensive dates, trips, etc, just to get a chance at some undetermined time in the future for some vj. Imagine that! They may not even get any vj at all, but yet they still trade away all of their value, hoping for things to work out in their favor. Weak! How can you truly respect somebody who is so desperate for a turn that they give away most of their value without first making demands? But alot of these kinds of men exist. Women know it. And these men, in my view, collectively make it harder for other men (like me who's unwilling to trade alot of value for vj) because women come to expect and demand more from men (and if women aren't getting what they want; they cut you off quick like a commodity and go somewhere else.)

An interesting question is how do you think women would behave in general toward men (in terms of their attitude, expectations, submissiveness, physical attributes (caring about being fat vs slim), etc) if the vast majority of available men were completely unwilling to trade (access to resources, money, etc )for hopes of sex? I know this is unrealistic since clearly women have choice in men because: (1) men are the agressive sex meaning women have lots of suitors just by being a woman; and (2) men seem to want women's vjs more than women want what men have to offer.

Anyways, I'm a man and what I mainly want is sex really. Conversation is good too, but only if she's interesting. At the end of the day women have to choose to make a trade with me (give me sex, and they get something in return). So the issue is what is the most effective way of presenting both: (1) my value, personality, etc; and (2) demanding what I want in return for my value (which is sex, but do so in a socially savvy way) and communicating that I'm willing to walk away?

Ultimately my question is: when interacting with a woman on a FIRST 'date' what is the BEST step by step process where the interaction with a woman ends essentially with the following proposal being issued to the woman: "I'm willing to give you A, but ONLY if you give me B?" where A = (what women value: dominance, sex and orgasms, scintillating conversation, active listening, etc) and B = (all the sex I can stand)? This proposal should be made on EVERY date, but the problem I face is, I don't always know how to do it in a socially savvy and SMOOTH way on EVERY woman I take out. Because of this lack of finesse, I get nervous (mainly with the less sexually confident women) and hesitate, not because I'm afraid of her saying no, but because I'm afraid of my lack of finesse. This is illogical because who cares if some girl gets offended by my request, but my subconscious mind is fearful because it wants me to be as SMOOTH and subtle as possible. But at the end of the day, if she's not giving up the vj and FAST then what's the point in speaking to her?? I want to communicate to women that if they don't give me sex FAST then I'm uninterested. I could just come out and say it explicitly, but maybe there's a better way?

And on another note, To really have power and dominance in relationships in the 21st century is not to rule by fear, but to rule by incentive and being willing to walk the fuck away on a dime. Incent people to ACT NOW to keep you around. In terms of employers, this means handle their needs and repeatedly have solutions to their most pressing problems and communicate that you get it, then they will have incentive to hire and promote you if you're an asset! In the case of women this means have an extremely valuable and interesting ride available for them if they so choose but in order to get it, they have to give me sex because if they don't, then I'm ignoring them. This is the goal, but the process in getting there (presenting myself in the RIGHT way and smoothly making my sexual demands) is the hard part. I want to reach to the point where I can issue the "proposal" to women and their response (more often than not) is that they're willing to trade their vjs in return for the value I provide. I mean I get the deep diving and all that, but after rapport building at some point I still have to propose to her that I want sex, and that if I don't get it I am unwilling to chase, to go on any future dates. But how to go about wording this, and pressing girls hard for what I want without making them feel like cheap whores?

And you usually can't let women lead the interactions because if you give them the oppurtunity to lead the interaction they talk about boring and safe topics. Obviously that's not conducive to seduction so we men want so lead and risk take and take the conversation sexual at will and deliberately. No shame! But leading toward this sexual goal has its pitfalls too because some women get offended if you don't know how to sexualize in a socially savvy way. I mean at the end of the day who really cares if a girl doesn't go for sex? There's more around. I get it logically. But in real-time when emotions start taking over I sometimes hesitate because I know I need to propose my sexual demands, but then the "right" words escape me. My goal in 2014 is to begin to end hesitation and shoot first deal with the damn consequences later.

So these are my thoughts. If you can, please help man.

Cheers,

340Breeze.

Chase Amante's picture

Questions

Author

Breeze-

Strictly market-based articles:

I also just authored an article in part response / part tangent to a section of this comment from you here:

Others with similar themes:

On high self-value, these are worth a read:

On thing about your what-if scenario I did not really go into in the new sexual market piece was attitudinal changes in women due to men's behavior changes. I don't believe you'd see much change in fitness; there are plenty of hefty women in the West who wish they could get higher caliber men, but content themselves with victim mentality instead ("Men are so shallow / insecure for going after thin women!"). And there are plenty of cultures where men are just as supplicating (or more so) than you see in, say, the U.S., but the women on average are MUCH thinner (e.g., much of Asia) - that's not sexual market forces so much as it is the foods, cultures, and lifestyles that are common there.

A woman's submissiveness is more her default personality mixed in with the value and power differentials between the two of you; e.g., most men around the women I prefer to date view those women as strong-willed, irascible, and uncontrollable, whereas those same women for me they're just cute and spunky but bend their wills pretty fast to what I want (if putting up a bit of a fight along the way). If you visit Japan, for instance, Japanese women will almost certainly seem quite submissive to you; to many a Japanese man though, they're tough, intimidating, and he just wishes they would be softer and nicer.

Screening for women who are sexually receptive to you is best done by moving them. Talking about it is often counterproductive, because women like to tease and test men, and in any event change their minds on a whim; logical agreements or assertions from women mean nothing. When I was maybe intermediate-level with women, I went through a short phase of seeing if I could get women to logically say they wanted to have sex with me; I can't recall a single woman who said, "Yes, I'm going to have sex with you," actually coming to bed with me ever. The act of getting an explicit assertion from the woman / some sort of masculine logical agreement just kills any actual intrigue or interest in the act. You can't treat women like businessmen out to sign a contract; you must treat them like women trying to figure out who you are to them. Build emotion and escalate compliance instead. The best way to know if a girl is going to come to bed with you is how willing she is to let you lead her around (or not); words are irrelevant.

Another thing I'd point out in your comment is that you have a mentality of "what can I trade to women for sexual access." I don't see this as an especially healthy or helpful mindset. Mine, personally, is, "This girl is awesome; I want to give her hard, good sex and make her feel wonderful." If I like a girl, I feel that she deserves sex; her life is boring and empty without me, and all the men around her don't seem to get that - they're all too busy trying to get stuff from her in exchange for some guess about what she'd want in exchange for it. In fact, let me write an article on this too - seems important to talk about.

As for proposing sexual demands - well, you should never be stating logically that you want sex. You can use sex talk like Alek talks about, or chase frames / sexual frames, like what I and Ricardus do. Or you can even skip talking about sex entirely, and just build sexual tension while discussing totally innocent topics, like songbirds and puppy dogs. Just imagine George Clooney talking to a girl about songbirds in his sexy, guttural voice in some candlelit setting, and you've got the picture. The only thing you should be "proposing" most of the time is a change of venue - including the one that takes her somewhere alone with you for intimacy.

Anyway, I'll get the article on trading vs. giving up very soon. I feel like you're taking an overly logical approach toward women that foregoes the experience and focuses more on the transaction, when you want to be minimizing any trace of a transaction and maximizing the experience. Women don't want to trade for anything; they just want to feel.

Chase

340Breeze's picture

Thanks for the insights


Thanks for taking the time to respond. This is one additional thing about girlschase that makes it worth it.

I admit my "ramblings" weren't as clear as they should have been. My apologies.

When written down, I can see how my analogy to markets/transactions/sex may seem manipulative to some and can be misinterpreted as saying all I have to do is "x" and then she will do "y." So I could see how my words could be likened to men pretending to like a girl and simply use the tactics of "game" and personality traits to get what they want, then immediately kick women out right after sex. I certainly don't advocate this.

I agree with you 100% that the interaction with women should be all about the experience. This is why I don't even mess with girls (at present) whose personalities don't intrigue me and excite me (unless she's smoking hot and has a tolerable personality). I only persist nowadays with girls whose character and personalities excite me (they don't have to be perfect, just exciting in some form or fashion). Once I'm excited, then seduction, conversation, rapport, etc is extremely natural and effortless for me.

The challenge for me is dealing with lukewarm women or jaded women. I know I have to heat them up to have the best chance to see if I really like their personalities, but I'm starting to get more like you... girls (esp the lukewarm ones) may intrigue me a little but I'm certainly not all that impressed. When I'm impressed I get excited, when I'm not impressed I'm not really all that excited, and when I'm not excited I don't really have an urge to seduce. This seems to be one difference between you and me, you seem to internally have the ability to run your process on a girl without necessarily being all that excited by her. Me on the other hand, I still need to react to her some (i.e. she has to excite me) for me to have that urge to seduce. Otherwise I'm not so inclined to act, and I still might still try, but the minute she starts testing me heavily, or ball busting me, or starts acting wishy/washy with me, I tend to auto-reject (unless she's smoking hot). Not because I feel fear from losing, but if I'm already not all that enthused about her, if her attainability takes a big dive, and she erects barriers to the goal, I tend to just quit and simply go find someone else to interact with. One thing that's interesting is during day game, if I do work up the nerve to approach, women do seem to be more open to conversation. It's only night game (when I guess women are more defensive/less susceptible to being charmed) that I get bored almost immediately when a woman makes it too difficult. Why? Because women in night venues here in my city can be extremely rude/dismissive or sometimes they see you say hello and completely ignore you like you don't exist. So I have little patience with them.

But an interesting phenomenon I've started to notice recently is what happens when girls get dismissive and rude (trust me they can be rude, even after 5-10 minutes of good rapport it's not all that uncommon for them to suddenly go cold). Now I just respond by smiling and just freezing them out completely. Sometimes they end up chasing/apologizing or if they don't say anything, I sometimes see a puzzled look on their faces. Seems like they may get a little confused and a little unsure of how to deal with me when I don't get mad, upset, hurt, or try harder; but I instead become completely bored with their existence. Almost like they were being dismissive on purpose just to see how I'd handle it... hmm...But I guess it's like you always say. Try to gain compliance, make them act, and if they don't, then they don't. No sense trying anything else.

But no matter how much you like a girl and how much you want to give her good sex, and make her feel good and special, and give her amazing conversation, and make her view seduction with you as something beautiful and amazing, on a fundamental level it is still a transaction. Women have to value what you have to offer them. And we men still have to value what they offer us. If you stand next to a girl and she's attracted to you but you say and do nothing (i.e. you give nothing), chances are you get nothing. If you "give" her conversation but she finds you to be boring and not sexy and overly-friendly, chances are you still don't get what you want (and instead get friend-zoned). And for me, if she's lukewarm or boring even after my valiant efforts, I'm usually inclined to stop trying because I don't value lukewarm behavior. But if you ACT to excite her, understand her, charm her, make her FEEL like a woman and alive, and you sprinkle in your good looks, intelligence, preselection, conversation, sexiness, ambition, etc then she begins to FEEL. So in that sense, that's what I mean by "transaction" you give (your amazing fundamentals/personality) to get (her coming back for more of you). So since value exchanges are taking place (aka "transactions"), to me this suggests that there is a market. Supply and demand. But I like how you put it in that there are in fact 3 markets, and which one a man should position himself into. Thanks for the reminder.

Regarding sexual demands, my main focus here is to figure out how (or whether) to signal in a socially savvy way that you're not going to chase when she doesn't give you sex. I agree with you to not use logical demands regarding getting sex from girls it's much more fun to just "let things happen." Chase framing and sexual framing/vibe are great tools. But still just because she knows you want sex and she allows you to move her and touch her and kiss her doesn't mean she will allow herself to be alone with you, for whatever reason. So if she never wants to be alone with you, then at some point you have to give up and move on. So I am wondering if you should just fade away without saying why or if there is some kind of socially savvy way to say "I like you, I want you, but if I can't have you I'm moving on."

This comment was sparked in part by this girl I recently met and offered to take to coffee genuinely to talk. Inexplicably she says to me: "I don't do coffee only dinner" and she was very adamant about dinner, and the fact that she refused to have a conversation anywhere else besides a restaurant killed attraction for me, because what difference does it make where we have our conversation and form our connection? So after I nexted her, I was wondering (hypothetically) how I could (or should I even) signal to a woman that I'm a sexual man but I'm not going to chase her with dinners or incessant texting if she doesn't do what I want.

Cheers,

340Breeze.

1timething's picture

easiest pickups of my life


bitches like astrology

so I use astrology

I come from a background of studying hermetic philosophies and metaphysics extensively.
You call it cold reading I call it very accurate, at least if you do it right.

As far as moon sign goes you can use it to your advantage to reverse-logic if she's being not prepared for a certain situation.

The implications of using astrology are far too complex and need a site of its own to be honest.

Cheerio

G

Troy's picture

self analysis


chase

ive always admired the way the articles here are always great to read, internalize and use instantly. i love the way scientific evidence, yours and the other writers personal experiences with victories and failures is talked about and details on how to use the advice step by step.

however, i should point out that for me a problem that has arisen lately is that i dont know which techniques you would recommend for begineers, intermediates and advanced. this might be a silly question but ill ask anyway.

could the articles be more detailed to show a better discription of recommendations to the readers in general the techniques/advice/tool to use for a begineer, intermediate or advanced person?

OR

Should the readers including myself just read the articles and decide what feel most comfortable to use compared to where we are at?

im a begineer and when an article is written for example in " the parting shot" article you might recommend to begineers but it wasnt mentioned in the article so im not sure if i should be focusing on this first or when i should focus on this.

one thing that id really love and im sure you would appreciate too is if we as the readers could become better at self analysis and stop asking so much questions to you. is this possible without having the experience first? what can i do to improve my ability to on self analysis?

thanks

troy

Chase Amante's picture

Re: self analysis

Author

Troy-

I'd recommend beginners who aren't sure where to start begin with:

Those are all designed to give beginners a structured path and most easily navigate all the content on GC. Once you're up and running and well on your way to intermediate, using the material here starts to get a lot easier; but when you're starting out, the most important thing is reference points, without which too much material becomes a jungle you just get lost in. You need real world experiences.

As for self-analysis, I think the biggest part of this is the "mental on-switch" I talked about in "How to Learn Empathy"; when that switch is "on", you stop asking most questions because you're able to figure out the answers yourself as soon as said questions occur to you. But, self-analysis is an interesting topic in its own right; I'll note it down for its own article, too.

Again, experience is a big part of this - sometimes you just don't have enough experience in a thing to answer your question, so the answer becomes "Go get more experience, and think about this again once you've collected more data points - what's the common thread?"

Chase

Balla's picture

Nice Guy/Friendly Guy/Un-Sexy Guy Mannerisms Article


Yo Chase, I think you should make an article about un sexy friendly guy traits. Like how you mention not to hug because it's platonic, sending girls pictures/asking, laughing or smiling to much and a few other things guys might not know what they're doing that are very hard to detect. You just point out all the negative mannerisms and characteristics and tell us what we should do instead. I think it'll be a great article.

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Nice Guy/Friendly Guy/Un-Sexy Guy Mannerisms Article

Author

Balla-

Great idea - I have it noted down. That one'd be fun to put together.

Chase

Witt's picture

Hi Chase, there's a social


Hi Chase, there's a social situation that's been bothering me for a while and I was curious how you would deal with it.

An example: I was at a parade the other day (Go Seahawks!) I was in the middle of the crowd and there were a couple guys and a girl behind me. I couldn't help overhearing their conversations and the guy dating the girl definitely seemed like a douche. He started subtly blowing on the back of my neck every once in a while. Not really sure why.... he may have noticed that his girlfriend kept checking me out and felt he needed to tool me around. Regardless, it was weird and somewhat annoying. I wasn't really sure how to respond as it was pretty subtle (but definitely intentional). Eventually, I just slowly turned around and looked at him for a second with a mild "Are you serious?" look on my face. His girlfriend kind of hit him on the arm and I turned back around. That was the end of it, but I can't help but wonder what the best way to deal with a situation like that is.

The example I give isn't exactly perfect, because this can happen with guys you actually have social context with, not just strangers. Strangers aren't too big of a deal, but if you have social ties with this person, there could definitely be status/respect/social strength repercussions. What do you do in a situation where a guy is trying to annoy you/make you uncomfortable/look bad in a way that's subtle enough that he can just flat out deny what that he's doing anything if you call him out, or say "What are you freaking out about man? You're totally over reacting, calm down." This kind of behavior seems like a test and is definitely not something you want to just let slide; it will just escalate. At the same time, if you react to it, you'll probably end up violating Law of Least effort and leave yourself wide open to looking like a fool/socially oblivious.

How does one put their foot down without coming across like they're blowing things out of proportion?

Thanks a ton!

Chase Amante's picture

Dealing with Teasing / Noverbal

Author

Witt-

Giving the guy the "are you serious?" look is a strong response. I'm assuming that's the same as the bored look I talked about here (there's a picture): "The Bored Look: Use It to Get Women Engaged." If you give that look and hold eye contact until he breaks it, that'll cause most people to knock off what they're doing and often even apologize, due to the social pressure.

Another one you can use to potentially embarrass people trying to tool you is making a witty remark that implies you know what they're doing without stating it directly; e.g., with that guy, you might turn around, look at him and the girl he's with, and say, "Wow, it's getting pretty windy today, isn't it?" If the other people in the group are going to judge him and view him as weak at that point, you win and he'll knock it off. If the other people are only going to egg him on and laugh harder if he keeps blowing, though, this looks pretty weak by you and you're better off with the bored look or the skeptical look - nonverbal's pretty hard to beat.

If nothing else works and you get REALLY bothered, you can always just stop walking and motion for the guy to walk past you. Don't look at him; don't turn around; just stand there, look down but also pissed off, and emphatically wave for him to walk past you. This is pretty embarrassing for almost everyone, because he's been called out, and then you've instructed him to walk around you, and he more or less has to comply. He immediately looks weak to the rest of his social group; he challenged you and lost.

Chase

Knight's picture

Never given astrology much


Never given astrology much thought... a few cute girls have given me a read which I laughed off in my head and just created light banter back at them. One girl, late last year gave me a reading randomly while I was talking to her friend... here we go again i thought. Except this time all three of her statements about me were pretty accurate. As you mentioned in the article it demonstrated to me how often vague statements can seem as accurate revealings of a person when delivered right. I remember quite abruptly changing my focus from the girl I was talking to and being interested a lot more by this girl. I should probably start using more cold reads - it probably has an even better effect on people.

Anonymous's picture

How can I decipher this girl's behavior?


Hi Chase,

I had a native Chinese girl from China I had gone after that left me scratching my head and making me rethink everything I knew about dating and game.

I had gone after her in October of last year at my graduate school. Since we were in the same program, at first I wasn't sure how to approach her and tried to minimize my contact with her till I knew how (so not to get f-zoned). Then, I sent her your "check-in" text and got her to go out on a lunch date with me. I think she thought that I was of "higher value" than her and was nervous throughout the date. Afterwards, I waited about 4 days, then sent her a text for dinner. She basically texted back 24 hours later saying she was really busy that week but didnt offer a return time. Since she was rather nervous and didnt ask questions about me during the lunch date, I just decided to move on and attribute it to non-interest.

About two weeks later, I ran into her and this time, her entire face was flustered and she got really nervous each and every time she saw me. To add insult to injury, when I'd talk to her, she'd just try to make an excuse and leave. Thats when I found out from someone she ACTUALLY had a boyfriend of 9 months already (she never mentioned).

Then, about a month ago, she finally started to talk to me again when we ran into each other. The last time, she started to act very flirtatious but I kept my cool and ended it short.

My question is, what drives women or girls to act this way and do you have any idea what she is thinking? I would love to hear your response!

Thanks Chase!

Chase Amante's picture

Behavior

Author

Anon-

Sounds like she went out with you thinking it could be a friendly outing, only for her to realize she was starting to like you, and get uncomfortable, seeing as she has a boyfriend. So she started avoiding you.

The rise in flirtatiousness probably means there's been some change in her relationship - she and the boyfriend are fighting, or broken up and she's single now, or she's grown bored and cast off some of her "I have to be loyal" conditioning from traditional society and started embracing the Sex and the City mentality of "I can do whatever I want - who CARES if I have a boyfriend if he's not meeting my needs?"

You won't know for sure until you ask her what the deal is, though.

Chase

Bornero's picture

living situations


Hi Chase, I don't want to throw at you my whole life story but here's something I'd been thinking before I bumped into this article.

As a teenager I believed astrology and stuff like that was just bullcrap. Now, looking at how things turned out in life sometimes looks like to me as it's all somewhat written in the stars.

I was always a little different as a kid and a teenager and now I feel like I wasted half of my life trying to conform and go with the mainstream where I obviously didn't just didn't fit in. I grew up in a small village which was around 45 kms from the capital city so you still had a touch with this big world but life in that village was very different though. But cut to the chase the thing is, I always had a lot of passions, interests and hobbies and some people called me crazy. I dreamed of film making bussines, dancing and writing but in my formative years at that point in time the village had nothing to offer for kids like me. My parents were ususally busy with work things going on and as long as I did well at school nobody cared about satisfying my hobbies needs so driving me to the city was not an option. As a result I spent all my teenage and studying years in my old village social circle. Instead of getting the hell out of there I kept dreaming and when I felt the need to socialize I would just go out with them and shoot the breeze. The thing is all their lives revolved around was to find a girlfriend - a decent, modest girl who will turn into a perfect wife after closing up the period of "getting to know each other" - according to biblical recommendations. I was completely not interested in any of the girls, I called them Noras (from "Wonder Years") most of them were very nice but simple, unambitious and for me empty inside. When life stopped revolve around sport (which kept me so long in the circles) it became all about religion and God. For me these people became possessed. At this point we drifted apart completely. My mates' first girlfriends became wives and shortly after they had children (God says it's the actual purpose of marriage).
To cut long story short, 10 years later I, who dreamed of this great, interesting life, landed only 10 kms away from the village. Now I live in a small town, yeah closer to the city but still. I set up my local business there a couple of years ago and I do something I really enjoy but again I'm in the environment where I don't fit in. I decided to buy a small flat in this town due to much lower mortgage so that I would have extra cash for my courses, studies and hobbies. As soon as I finished studies and started making money I started making up for all the years I wanted to feed my appetite for other stuff and couldn't. I finished script courses, now I'm studying film editing. I get away to to the city only for weekends and if I decided to live there I'd have to shell out of lots of money for monthly installments which means probably zero cash for my studies and a lot of more work.

Anyway, I live in unpopular and unattractive town where there's literally nowhere to go. I cut off contacts with my old mates and sadly with my parents because they keep looking at me as if I lost an arm or legs just because I don't have my Nora. They told me last Christmas I will end up alone and will in my old days (now Im 34) regret not hooking up with anyone and there will be nobody to "get me a cup of tea" when I'm sick. They all tried to plant a lot of insecurities in my head and force me to settle down with somebody I don't want to.

I've had a lot of relationships along the line but the girls were very independent and they would always search for something more once the chemistry's worn off.

Chase I've got to admit I developed this complex of being a guy from a small town. Girls I'm interested in are very active and are hard to keep. The pattern that repeats is that they get interested in me and tell me how interesting I am and they love what I do but then at the end of the day I feel they can smell this village on me (not literally haha) and they leave in search of something/somebody more "exciting" or maybe they want life more exciting than the one I lead.

I don't know what to do when girls ask me on dates where I live and it gets awkward because I don't want to to tell them why I live where I live. I could tell them the truth - financial issue, more money for my after work acitivities but then I'll come off as a guy who simply didn't make it. It's so obvious on the other hand that a single guy who doesn't steer clear from the company of girls would prefer to live in a big city.
What is a good way to go round the subject? They also like to be spontaneous and I think it's sexy and planning is not sexy but if you live out of town you have to plan pretty much everything.
Is it ok to stretch the truth once in while? You know, more like color things you did or do? Ive never done it before and I'm such a truth teller but maybe it doesn't work.

Also, because of my background I can't shake off this feeling sometimes whenever I'm going to have one night stand or picking up a bad girl that I'm doing something terribly wrong and life will punish me sooner or later. It's a horrible feeling Chase that life will turn its back on you for not listening to parents.

And yeah, I want to get a girlfriend, somebody I can share my life with, and I envy my old friends this stability, only I want my girlfriend to be hot and interesting, educated but why such women wouldn't stay long? Even if they're in their thirties too.

Chase Amante's picture

Re: living situations

Author

Bornero-

If you don't like answering the subject of where you live, you'll need to either a.) address it in a casual and explanatory manner ("I live in Green Hills, but spend a lot of my time here in town because there's nothing to do out in the boondocks!") or b.) fib ("I live on the west side of town, around the outskirts"). The more honest you are (while being casual and "whatever" about it), the more you'll screen out women it'll be a problem with later; though if you're focused more on upping your skill set / getting dates / fast sex than you are building relationships, you're fine to just fib and arrange logistics in town or at her place.

I personally don't like the idea of saying you've done things you haven't done, because that just positions yourself to look clumsy and scared as soon as anyone starts drilling down on the details. If you go that route, you have to learn a few other skill sets - such as evasiveness, topic-switching, and detail fabrication - that the best and most prolific liars I've known have been masterful at... but even then, mutual friends and I would still speculate that the person probably was making some things up, because no matter how good you are at talking about things you didn't do, the holes never fully go away.

The better option is just generally seeking out new experiences to round yourself out more. The more things you experience, the more of an accomplished, experienced man you come to be, and the more easily you hold the attention of women who are themselves dynamic, experienced, and adventurous.

The one night stand / picking up a "bad girl" thing is going to be related to some kind of underlying psychological imprint - either that you are being a bad man by giving women sex when women only want relationships, in which case you need to become better acquainted with women and learn to view them as the complex people they are, who sometimes want sex, and sometimes want a relationship (depending on the man they're looking at and how they see him, usually); or, you view yourself as "being bad" by indulging in carnal passions, "sinning", etc. If it's the latter, you'll need to do some soul-searching and figure out what your own spiritual or religious beliefs are; or, conversely, what the foundations of the belief system you've been indoctrinated with are, where that specific admonition against behavior comes from, and whether it's supported (if it's Jewish or Christian, nowhere in the Bible did Jesus or Yahweh say "don't sleep with women outside of marriage"; Jewish men are told they must marry any virgin they deflower, and Christian men are warned against indulging in sexual immorality, but what this is is not specified. Most of the "sex is bad!" talk stems from people in the church deciding that this is how they want to interpret Biblical teachings. Read the Bible cover to cover yourself and you'll see what I mean). If you're not religious, or have left a religion, and need to shake off old but deep-seated beliefs, you'll need to spend time reconditioning and remapping your brain; see the article on beating depression for more on how to do this.

Chase

African boyo's picture

club girls and age


Hi chase

I just wanted to find out if you differentiate girls who party using age. Basically the question i have is does your rule of not dating girls who party apply to younger girls from the ages of 18-21. I ask because its difficult trying to find a girl in this age range who doesnt party so i thot maybe this is normal at this age and then becomes applicable only after this age range

Chase Amante's picture

Re: club girls and age

Author

Boyo-

I'll cut a little slack, since girls of that age can experiment a bit with parties and drinking, but not much. If she's going out regularly, getting VERY drunk, or going to wild parties / frat parties, she's firmly in the "party girl" category for me.

Not sure how different things are in Africa, though in all but the wildest of party towns in the West you can usually meet plenty of non-party girls, even in the 18- to 21-years-old range, who don't partake in parties, though you'll usually have to lean on day game / meeting girls in book stores / out shopping / on the street / etc.

Chase

Vegeta's picture

The Face


Hey chase this is kind of unrelated, but ive got this problem thats been really messing with my game. So around last summer i read your article on facial expressions and i adopted the 'cute and sexy' look for myself. And let me tell you, it worked like a charm. The first girl i used it on was on he fourh of july and she was just melting. I wasnt really trying for anyhing that night so i never got her number, but as soon as i got home she had found me on facebook and was spamming me with messages to hangout. This face was my bread and butter and after using it, ive had a way easier time wih girls and girls began to love me for being a sexy guy.

Then my friends began to catch on. They thought (and still think) its the weirdest fucking thing in the world. So long story short whenever im around them talking to a new girl ( im with them most the time when im with girls cause im still in highschool) they whisper to eachother, stare me down, and plain laugh or stare at me with a mocking version of it. They even named it the alex face. This just makes for an odd situation that the girl easily picks up on. In some cases, or whenevre they get the chance, theyll let the new girl in on the joke and completely cockblock me and ruin any chances of me hooking up with that girl. For example, Last night i was hitting it off with this girl who i havent hung out with in a long time ( knew her back when i was the platonic guy.) So things are going well but then my friends started getting all secretive, and said they were talking about me (male and female friends.) After this, the new girl naturally wanted to know the big joke ,so they all went over and told her while i was not near her for a moment. They all shared a laugh about how wierd it is and i even heard one of my bros bring up zoolander. Needless to say, she lost all the attraction she had for me after that.

Im really in a catch-22 here because everytime i use this facial expression with a new girl, it ups my game tremendously. I swear it turns on some magic switch that makes girls go nuts. But as soon as my friends take notice, things get wierd. Ive come to a few conclusions. So if i meet a new girl theyl melt and it will just be normal (ie alex is just an attractive guy). But my friends male and female think its off putting beacuse they all met me before i began to improve myself into an attractive guy, so they still see me as how i used to be.

What do you think i should do about this? Like i said its really screwing withm
y game.
Thanks in advanced man

Chase Amante's picture

Re: The Face

Author

Vegeta-

Well, it comes down to what do you value more: your friends, or growth and sex?

It's pretty clear your friends enjoy more the laughs they have at your expense than doing anything to help you progress in life and take on more lovers. Personally, I'd relegate them to a distant support role in my life, and keep them strictly separate from anything I'm doing where there's a chance I'll be meeting women. e.g., got wind of a party where cute girls will be in attendance? Invite other friends, not these friends. Going out to the bar or cafeteria to relax and talk to some cuties? Leave these friends at home.

Sort of like if you played a sport, and every time you tried to play, your friends started shouting at you to distract you and made you lose. Eventually you'd just not invite them to games anymore.

Chances are, you'd probably stop hanging out with them altogether, too. There are different kinds of people in the world - some want to help you succeed, while others want to prevent you from doing so, and leaving them behind. These sound more like the "misery loves company" type than anything else.

Chase

The M's picture

Astrology and social styles


Hi Chase,

I haven't had time to comment in a while (busy with work), but awesome article as usual. Hope the business side of things is going well, too!

I just reread your article on social styles. Many of my female friends seem to be Analyticals - is it safe to say that most of them would despise astrology? (because that's what I'm picturing in my head)

I was also wondering if there's an "ideal" level on the assertiveness scale. So on a 1-4 scale (with 4 being the most assertive, and 2.5 in the middle), which men tend to do the best with women?

By the way, I'm an Analytical/Amiable, at least for now. (But you already knew that, didn't you? ;) )

Best,
The M

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Astrology and social styles

Author

Hey M-

Yeah, business is steady. Working on a few new things for it, and have a few new writers joining the team. Nothing crazy spectacular, but things seem to be on an upward trend at least.

I'd suggest you float the idea of astrology with your analytical female friends if you're curious, and gauge by their reactions. A girl may be an analytical, but if her past experiences or mental models point her analytical abilities in the direction of being open to the idea of astrology, her powers of analysis may be more focused on breaking down the nuances of astrology rather than refuting it outright.

As for assertiveness, I don't think there's an absolute ideal - it's going to be relative to the person or people you're interacting with. Something a little above average is probably usually going to be optimal for most situations, though - too far to the extreme and you come across as overbearing; too average or below average, and you're getting stomped on by more dominant personalities. But, you've got to temper it; dealing with a girl who's a hardcore Amiable, and a man who's a highly assertive Driver, you'll need to adopt very different levels of assertiveness to not seem too harsh (for the Amiable) or too limp (for the Driver). All the more reason to be doing a good job of reading who's what, and adjusting ;)

Chase

Gem's picture

Interesting article Chase, I


Interesting article Chase,

I read a bunch of books on astrology as a teenager and found it really fascinating back then. When I was 16, I made a site on astrology because I checked out several websites and found that they weren’t really detailed (and was like “hey I know more than this I could do a lot more than surface-level material like this”). I started a blog/site on astrology and ran it for the last 3 years (ended it pretty recently actually, in wake of new ventures).

It was funny because I realized from my experiences running the site that the biggest thing I got from it wasn’t the money I made or the business lessons I learned but the influence on my game (deep-diving and cold-reading).

Initial conversation with a girl looked like this for me with so many different girls over the past few years: “What do you do? Oh I have like a small blog I make a few bucks from. Oh what about? I write like just on stuff I read a bit about and found sort of interesting a while back like astrology and signs and stuff do you know what that is? Oh yea!! I’m a x” and then I’d deep dive just about exactly how you described it in this article actually haha (it helped that I knew my sign traits, compatibilities, sexual body parts/preferences etc. all off the top of my head).

It’s funny that astrology works I’ve always been sort of baffled as to why; your own sign will seem to fit more than any of the other 11 (and if say we switched it and called a Taurus a Sagittarius, would the Barnum effect still possibly work; it’s curious to say the least). Neil Degrasse Tyson gives his amusing take on astrology in a very quick minute here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JNQIGtFJmrQ .

My own theory of it has been that it works as sort of a nature-nurture deal: your sun sign traits can work as your nature while how you work to adjust yourself and how your experiences and influences shape you can work as nurture that alters you from your nature (wonder if you’d agree with that; it’s a theory that I had but don’t really care to rationalize over much anymore because I’m pretty dispassionate about astrology in general and also because I feel I’d rather work at bettering myself than accept I’m one way because of my sign and not work to improve).

With girls, it’s funny because in over a hundred girls over the past years I’ve talked to and deep dived about astrology, I’ve only had one girl reject it hard and outright (the one I’m dating now). She’s a rational engineer girl who swore it’s bullshit but couldn’t deny it when I reminded her how much she likes getting choked in bed hahahaha.

-Gem (the Gemini)

Chase Amante's picture

Sun Sign Theory

Author

Gem-

Fun stuff on the astrology site and using it with girls. Rational girls are always fun, assuming they're spirited enough that they're just not just dry logic calculators, I find!

My personal finding has been that vivacious / dynamic people generally are a better match to their sun signs, while more reserved people tend not to be... I've also come to a nature vs. nurture conclusion. It seems like the people who are truest to their natures also tend to match most closely their zodiacs.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Dirty Talk


Hey Chase,

I have just read Colts new artil on dirty talk which I think was very good, but I just hoped you personally could elaborate on a few things for me.

Just how important is dirty talk? I understand that setting sexual frames and disqualifying yourself as a boyfriend whilst eliciting a sexy vibe is compulsory - but is following all that up with dirty talk really nesacery?

Doesn't it kind of kill the mystery? Especially if the dirty talk is really obvious.

I would think it would lower your all round conversion rate in general. Would it not jut be too much for some girls and end up with them thinking that the man was being too obvious and just assuming she was game?

Could you just clear these questions up Chase, thank you. How often is dirty talk really nesacery.

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Dirty Talk

Author

Anon-

I think it's more a style thing than anything else. Colt, Alek, and Drexel, I know, all like using a lot of explicit communication about sex. Personally, the most explicit I get is chase framing - I'll imply the girl is pursuing me sexually, and use sexual innuendo, but talking dirty explicitly doesn't suit my style... it's much easier for me to build a sexual vibe while building intrigue than it is while painting vivid pictures with explicit words and imagery.

That said, we're probably ending up with different sorts of girls - I've noticed when going out with different friends that the guys who use explicit imagery and the guys who use innuendo tend to end up with disparate sorts of women. So, re: its necessity, I'd say... it probably depends very much on the girl. If you're able to master being able to use either explicit dirty talk, or hinted at sexual innuendo, and pick either or depending on the girl, you probably give yourself the broadest range of women you can get. If you stick to just one or the other, you're probably leaning yourself in a certain direction with the kind of women you end up with.

Chase

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