I was sitting on a bar stool the other night talking to a good friend of mine who was venting his frustrations about women and dating. He said to me:
“ J.J., it just seems like everything will go perfectly with a girl, but then, when I do something like try to grab her digits, get her back to my place, or kiss her, she cuts me off at the knees and I lose her, just like that. I don’t know how one little mistake keeps messing up the whole thing!”
I thought about that for a moment… I mean, I really thought about it. What he was talking about were the transitions he was trying to make with girls, and how he was failing at converting those crucial turning points.
In fact, I see this a lot. For good reason too, because any transition point requires a good bit of investment on the girl’s behalf. When you reach a transition point with a woman, not only do you have to execute well, but she also has to be ready for it.
So today, what I want to teach you is not only how to move the goal posts and pull off the most seemingly impossible transitions, but also how to prepare her for these crucial moments and keep her logical mind, and all its doubts and hesitations, at bay while executing them, so that you and a girl you’ve hit it off with can move fluidly to the next stage of your interaction.
Transitions in General
Before we get started, I want to note that what I’ll be focusing on are transitions related to the seduction process (i.e., from opening to sex), as opposed to relationship transitions. That’s for another article and probably another author.
The things I’ll be delving into today will encompass the following:
- Opener to compliance
- Increasing physical touch
- Getting her contact information or initiating an insta-date
- Getting her back to your place
- Escalation to sex
Those are all monumental transition points, that, when mishandled, have the potential to completely blow your chances with any given girl. The reason transitions are so important is that they are how you move things forward with a girl, instead of things not moving at all, or even worse, stumbling backward.
A little later, I’ll also explain how to skip some steps in situations where you know you can pull it off. As an example, it is definitely possible to just go straight back to your house without bouncing her multiple places or even deep diving. However, that requires some strong initial attraction and, in the case of skipping deep diving, it usually requires the girl to be quite horny too.
Before we move on, I also want to quickly address something that always seems to come up inmost topics related to seducing women: anxiety.
The simple solution to transition anxiety is the same one that you hear when we talk about anxiety in approaching and risk-taking: experience and repetition is the key here. You’ll need to get some solid practice and acquaint yourself with making transitions before the fear of experiencing a negative outcome will vanish completely.
So, with the basic groundwork lain out for learning to make smooth transitions, let’s talk about some of the specific shifts and changeovers that you’ll need to execute in order to reach your end goal and get that sexy lady in your bed.
Transitions in Conversation
There are a few checkpoints you’ll want to learn how to pass through after you’ve opened a woman; most importantly:
- Having her move with you or making other compliance demands
- Moving from banter to deep diving
- Getting her phone number or even setting up an insta-date, and eventually
- Turning the conversation sexual
Any transition that you make during conversation requires some level of social calibration. Subtlety and implicitness are absolutely key with these types of progressions throughout your seduction process, even more so as we get into how to engage in sexually-charged conversation topics.
You have to be able to present the transition to her in a way that makes her want to stay on the path and come along with you on to the next step, whatever that next step may be. If you’re too explicit about where things are headed, not only does it bring to her attention that there is an important milestone occurring, but you’ll also remove a bit of the suspense and the “romance novel mystery” that women love to experience.
A “no big deal” type of attitude is also something to be noted as a full requirement for making not only conversational transitions, but any kind of transition. Since people mirror one another’s emotions, if you get nervous and all excited about taking a step then she will also feel the same hesitant, fluttery and unsure feelings that you are, exposing it to her via your body language.
Again, the anxiety takes some time to thwart. So just keep plugging away and remember that once you can quit being a complete basket case about moving things forward with the women you’re meeting, you’ll be much smoother and more equipped to adapt to whatever situation you’re in.
Another way to dial back the fidgetiness and apprehension is to have fun. You’ll want to handle a lot of transitions in a playful manner anyway, since you want the vibe to be as upbeat and positive as possible while you’re moving things along.
I’m not going to shift focus to setting up sex-talk, since Alek Rolstad has you covered there in this article. Although, I will mention that the approach is the same: playful, yet it’s “no biggie” when you do bring it up.
I do feel it important to throw in an example to demonstrate the difference between a transition mishandled, and one perfectly executed. Let’s take a look at the following attempt at a transition in conversation, where you might be attempting to move from small talk to a nice deep dive:
“ That’s really funny about your cat. So, um… [nervous twitch]… I really hope you don’t mind me asking a personal question! But, what was your family life like when you were growing up?”
Delivered this way, you’ll likely just get a confused look coupled with a quick excuse to end the conversation right then and there. As you probably saw, there were a few things wrong with the delivery there. But, in case you didn’t notice all of them, they were:
- This person seems fidgety and apprehensive.
It lacks assertiveness (i.e., requesting permission to do something simple, such as ask a question).
There’s nothing subtle about it, thus making it seem like “a big deal”.
Now, let’s check out an example of the same transition handled properly, and see what that looks like:
“ That’s really funny about your cat. [insert witty remark about cat]… So, anyway Lisa – tell me about your family life, and what that was like when you were growing up.”
This is much better, and at the very least probably elicits a laugh at the witty comment about her cat. You can probably also be fairly inclined to guess that she will feel engaged enough to stick around and tell you about her family life and such. The reasons that this worked are:
There’s no visible anxiety.
You prepared her for the transition with something funny, to take the focus off your request for information (and which also makes the whole exchange seem “fun”).
The transition comes in the form of a compliance demand (you seem assertive).
The three things above combined make for a relaxed, comfortable vibe where the conversation shift to something deeper and more serious seems natural (read: not a “big deal”).
All of the same things outlined above will work perfectly for any thread-switch. They’re also all imperative things that need to happen when trying to gain momentum with touch compliance or escalating sexually later on down the line after you’ve isolated a girl to a seduction location.
I’m sure you can see how important these things are even just when changing conversation topics, so imagine how crucial it is when you try to make a more overt transition such as getting a girl’s phone number or bouncing her to an ice cream parlor or back to your place.
And hey, speaking of getting her back to your pad… let’s talk a little about that, next.
Transition and Logistics
Okay, please don’t suddenly forget everything we just talked about regarding transitions in conversations. We’re about to use all of that, and much more.
Getting a woman into a private conversation is a critical waypoint. You want to establish this as early on as possible. You don’t need much to make this happen, so it is as good of a place to start as any.
You’ll find that there are a few more obstacles when it comes to making progress toward getting a woman’s full, undivided attention than there are just changing topics in a conversation or asking her out on a date. There are friends, other males, and many other things out there in the environment that will either distract her or just plain try to get in your way when you go to up the stakes with her.
So, in addition to removing anxiety, being playful yet assertive, and making it subtle… what else can you do to make logistical transitions go off without a hitch?
- Get compliance momentum in your favor
- Be perceptive enough to know when she’s ready
- Address obstacles calmly and tactfully
- Don’t wait for a reaction from her, and finally
- Keep talking during the transition, to keep her logical mind
engaged and occupied
Whether you’re bouncing a girl to another bar or venue, or luring her to your chosen locale for sexual escalation, you will want to follow that list to a T if you expect to pull off the move without any trouble.
A girl who is ready to go back to your place will exhibit some behavior patterns that you should be able to pick up on fairly quickly. If she suddenly starts to display seductive body language, gives you physical compliments, talks dirty to you and/or is touching you a lot in a sexual way… then she’s definitely ready to grab her things and let you take her someplace more private.
There are a ton of articles you can read here on Girls Chase explaining what to do with girls’ friends and male cockblocks, but one really good tactic that I like to employ with girls in groups is “the bubble”. You want to move a girl pretty quickly upon first meeting her anyway, to gain compliance momentum, and this is even more important if she is with a group of friends.
Take her aside for a moment where the two of you are still near the group, but not participating in it. You’re far enough away that it’s just the two of you having a private conversation. This is step one. The group probably sees the two of you off by yourselves a bit, can see some flirting going on, and may (hopefully) leave you alone for a while.
You can even turn her so her back is facing the group, so that she cannot see her friends. It will remove them from the equation somewhat. Additionally, if you have a wingman or wingwoman that can occupy the other people in the group while you’re chatting her up, that is all the more effective.
Once you’ve talked for a while, and she’s clearly into you and displaying signs that she’d like to go somewhere alone with you, then you can make the transition back to your place (or any other private spot where the two of you can hook up). Another good reason you’re making all these moves in a subtle way is that sometimes you can pull a girl without her friends even noticing, and she can then just text them after the fact so they’re not worried.
When you do invite her someplace more private, don’t pause and wait for a reaction. Just go with it as if she is going to say yes. Not only does this make you seem confident, but it also gives her less time for her logical mind to kick in and dial down her primal urges. So don’t just sit and stare at her waiting for an answer. Get up, take her by the hand and smile… and just start walking. Women love to be led like this.
As you can tell, we are really battling with this logical mind that women have here, because even as you’re driving in the car back to your house, and even as you’re escalating sexually… you still need to be stimulating her with conversation to keep her brain busy!
The minute you stall and throw on an unsure look, she’s going to mirror that emotion and start to close herself off to becoming intimate with you, and it will be an uphill battle to get that momentum back in your favor, if you even can get it back at all.
With physical escalation, unlike logistic-based and conversation-based transitions, this is the one where you can be a little (or a lot, if she likes it) forceful, and actually get some major bonus points for it.
Something else that will help you tremendously as you’re moving through said process is that you can actually skip some steps here and there. Be careful doing this, though. If your girl isn’t ready for the step you’re trying to jump ahead to, she may get skittish and auto-reject. So doing this requires a little extra awareness on your part.
Girls move at different paces depending on what kind of mood or mode they are in, how horny they are, and how you’ve presented yourself. Maybe you haven’t deep dived yet, but she’s breathing heavily and touching you a lot? Then just skip the connection-building stuff and go straight to your place.
While I realize that the example “process run-through” that I provided here probably seems a little situationally-focused, the truth is that it works anyhow, anytime, anyplace. Just combine your calm, fun attitude with some compliance momentum and a little tactfulness and confidence and… voila! You’ll be a master of transitions in no time.
You’re a Smooth Operator
If you haven’t overheard it in person, I’m sure you’ve at least seen it in a movie: some woman telling a friend of hers how she was swiftly seduced by some man, and that she “didn’t know what hit her”. That’s what happens when you are smooth and prepared in making all of the transitions that you need to in order to move from “hello” to the bedroom.
As we mentioned before, if you can make things flow and seem completely natural and effortless between various points in the interaction, your girl won’t even quite be aware that an important transition is in the works, thus completely negating any token resistance she might put forth if you had made the change any big deal whatsoever.
To wrap up today’s lesson on making transitions like a boss, pay special heed to the following:
Rid yourself of any anxiety you have with regard to executing transitions.
Be subtle and implicit; make transition points “no big deal” so they go almost undetected.
Have fun and be playful, to keep things upbeat and positive.
Use “the bubble” and/or warm up your girl’s friends if necessary.
Keep her logical mind at bay.
You can skip steps in some scenarios. Learn to identify them.
Whatever you do, don’t move backwards.
Just remember that there’s no such thing as “the perfect interaction” and you won’t win an Oscar for delivering the best lines; just get the job done. If you have enough attraction from the approach and subsequent communication, you can probably get away with more than you think.
Successfully navigating important transition points is one of the most vital sub-processes you will learn as you get better with women. If you can do that, then you’ll be well on your way to really getting the big picture and mastering the art of seduction.
I see guys get frustrated all too often and quit, or even just end up being satisfied with an intermediate skill-level in this field. To me, that’s like framing a million dollar bonus check instead of cashing it. It’s the constant, annoying roadblocks that always rear their ugly heads, cramping your style and ultimately causing you to want to stop and just be content with what you’ve accomplished.
There are transitions in anything you do in life, especially along the long, treacherous, winding road to success.
So, beware the lollipop of mediocrity. Lick it once and you’ll suck forever.
Until next time,