GIRLS CHASE MONTHLY SUBSCRIPTION
• Unlimited access to GirlsChase.com
We recently had a younger member of our discussion boards throw something of a temper tantrum there because he’d apparently been desperately trying to get my personal attention, but not succeeded, and became bitter and resentful toward me. I simply haven’t been on the boards a huge amount lately, because I’m swamped, and when I have been on them his posts hadn’t caught my eye as needing any specific attention or input from me beyond what was already being provided perfectly well by everyone else to him. He then waded in with a bevy of sour remarks about me – someone he’d never met who’s never (so far as I recall) interacted with him.
Needless to say, a string of personal attacks wasn’t an effective approach by this member – one who’d been spoiling the vibe on the boards for a lot of other people, too. All it managed to do was get my focus on him long enough to rebut his attacks, and then, after radio silence from him for a week or so, lock his account to make sure he wouldn’t come back and cause more drama.
Prior to this outburst, this same member had been trying to find ways to get in contact with me personally, as well as to get me to sell a small product he’d cobbled together based on site material. He’d apparently been frustrated to have interacted solely with Genaro, our customer service pro, via email (we thanked him for the offer, but it wasn’t something we were looking to do), and to not get the attention from me he desired elsewhere, either.
I share this with you because I want to point out that I understand what he was trying to accomplish – he wanted a mentor, and he wanted me, specifically... but that he went about it in all the wrong sorts of ways.
Ways that speak to some of the most common mistakes people – especially people who have yet to really develop their social intuitions – make when pursuing mentors; and when you’ve yet to have achieved any real success in your life, the process of securing a mentor can seem every bit as daunting as securing dates or relationships with beautiful women.
So how do you do it?
Comments
Hi, Chase. I was thinking
Hi, Chase.
I was thinking about that concept of comparing myself with others and then I realized why I am doing it. I always heard how you should not do this, that you are you, they are them, that there will always be someone better than you. But we all are in a certain social group where there are these top people and low people. And maybe these low people are top people in different circle. But girls in these circles might have only access to these guys. I am sure if she is really pretty, she could be with some famous person, but because she has no access to him, she just has to be with someone "worse". And if I am in a similar social group, I can see how she is deciding with who she wants to be. And because she is attracted to these kind of guys, I look at them, compare myself with them and realize in how shitty shape my body is, my hair cut, things I can provide to people. I mean, I am basically doing it, because this girl is doing it. And all I can think of is "I must be the best option to her". But if these guys are around, I am just beta guy.
So at the end I think I will just have to better myself to a certain degree where a social group I am in, I am the top people. And then I will have good chance to end up with the prettiest, good hearted girl from that circle. While I will be in the middle of some group where I am no match for top people there and best girls will consider me beta and just get the girl for who I am the best option in her circle.
But I realize how I have really different friends and it is really hard to take this group and compare it with girl's group and see how they overlap.
But thanks to modern technologies, I can see her friend list on facebook, I can see how she interacts with some and I can to a degree say what kind of relationship they have. What she feels towards him. And at the end I end up thinking what my position in her life is and I judge my overall position in other girls's life based on looks and personality of this one certain girl. Then I do it with other girls I am attracted to and I realize how bad it is. And when I am done with this judging I see that there is no end, because I will have access to prettier girls who have access to more established guys and I will just keep working my way up and up and maybe never reach it because of lack of motivation or day to day rituals or bad techniques, whatever.
I feel bad because of comparing myself with others because I realize what my real options really look like. And right now I dont think I can change this believe, I think I need to grow more as a person and only time will do this for me.
Michal
Social Circle Comparisons
Michal-
The big problem with small social circles - and it's amplified many times on Facebook - is that you do tend to fall into this "comparison mentality", yes. Because your reputation and position within the social hierarchy of the group gets set as people know you, you begin to view the people above you as immovable and almost unachievable, and the people below you as almost permanently lower status than you too. And then you project that out to everywhere else, and assume that there must be other people far higher status than even the highest status individuals in your group, and if you can't even climb to the top of your group, how can you ever achieve success with THOSE people?
The first thing to realize is that Facebook and other social media is largely fake. The people with the most impressive profiles there spend a LOT of time cultivating their online personas - the right mix of pictures, status updates, and connections with beautiful people they've only met once or twice. There's a negative correlation between Facebook activity and real life activity - the time you spend working on your online persona is time NOT spent working on your real world one… most of the people who are digital cool are not so awesome IRL, and the highest status women will tend to have not-very-active profiles (they're too busy). All social media does is train you to view yourself as a social climber, monitoring others and trying to be out-impress them (a major reason why I recommend not being on Facebook.
The second thing to realize is that people in other circles than yours who seem to be higher value often aren't. You might think girls in a Hollywood movie star's circle must be 100x or 1000x prettier than the girls in your own circle, but if you stop and take a look at most actresses, models, and actors' girlfriends, you'll realize that, hair and makeup and flashy attire aside, they're mostly pretty bland, and you can find hotter girls walking down the street (or in your circle). Why do actors date the girls they do? The world is a place of extremely imperfect information, and even those of us with very high status are very limited in our dating choices by the women we have around us and available to us - and if you're a wealthy, famous actor, most women put you on a pedestal by default and thus are automatically out of the running as relationship partners (just as hot girls have zero interest in dating nice guys who put them on pedestals too). So you end up having a small circle of women around you who treat you like just a guy, instead of some god-like figure, and you date from that pool - and that pool is limited, just like yours in real life is.
A better way to think about the dating world is not as a hierarchy per se, but as a flat structure with a bunch of different groups only loosely connected. If everyone was connected to everyone else and possessed perfect information, it doubtless would form itself into a pyramid; but, as is right now, that high status girl from your circle would lose her shirt around the famous actor, and he'd never date her; likewise, if you met the girls from HIS circle, they may well not be cute enough for your tastes, and anyway, the fact that they aren't awestruck by your fame (or lack thereof) is not a strong selling point for you to date them at the place you're at in your own life right now.
This is a big reason why cold approach is so liberating - it breaks you out of the social hierarchy mental prison tight knit circles and social media place you in. I don't tend to realize that a girl is "way out of my league" (according to the guys in her social circle) until after we've been sleeping together for quite some time and I've finally met her friends.
Chase
Why dont some girls get turned off by beta behavior?
Dear Chase,
I noticed an interesting phenomenon in real-life. Reading your material sometimes makes me discouraged (but not for long as I am obsessed with improving!) because I adopt the mindset most women are like you describe in your articles (lots of choice, cannot make errors with, need a strong sexy vibe, etc)
However in real life I have seen a lot of girls who will still accept guys that make tons of mistakes game-wise.
Case in point, I sometimes purposely have extremely long text conversations with attractive girls who I dont think I am compatible with (I sometimes get bored and just want to have fun texting), yet they never friendzone me and still chase up to 2 years after.
Furthermore, I see some attractive girls date for up to months at one point WITHOUT SEX. (blows my mind)
Also comes to mind how a very attractive girl I knew dated a guy who was basically a friend of hers for 2 years.
What gives and what specifically drives certain women to brush aside friendzone behavior, weak or non-confident behavior and still value someone as a perspective partner? It is a mindset brought out by lack of availability of stronger more dominant men? Thanks Chase!
Taking It Slow
Anon-
There are some exceptions, but be very careful with these. For getting a girl's attention and keeping her around you, sure - nice guy / friend zone behavior actually works a lot BETTER than the stuff being taught on this site. The main problem the guys making errors have is in taking all that nice-feeling stuff from women - text message conversations, dates, seeming-chasing / flirting - and converting that to sex and sexual relationships... what normally happens here is the girl will continue to throw the guy what look to the untrained eye like bones, but really are just what she's giving him in order to keep him as an orbiter and backup plan. See:
Re: the situations where guys who've messed up and done things wrong actually sleep with the girl (big difference here between guys who just get attention from the girl - at any given time, most girls are giving attention to lots of guys, each one of whom tends to think he's inches away from making the girl "his"), this can either be that the guy's done a better job than you might've realized at remaining on the girl's periphery and staying sexually attractive (essentially, he's just slow gamed her), or it can be that she's on the rebound from a dominant/sexy man and needs someone she can feel like she has the upper hand on to help soothe her ego wounds and allow her to mend. She'll usually drop him once she's feeling better again, though if she's reached a certain age and her biological clock is ticking
/ she realizes she's not getting the male attention she used to get when younger, she may drop out of the dating game and settle down with him.
So, I'd sum it up this way:
Much of what looks like the girl is interested in the guy is just the girl using (somewhat deceptive) tactics to keep the guy around as an orbiter providing her attention, while feeling like he has a shot with her / is getting "closer and closer"
Most of the men you'll see get together with a girl after knowing her for a while have managed to stay on the girl's periphery and set and maintain a sexual vibe with her from day one - they might occasionally make dumb nice guy mistakes, but if the vibe is usually sexual, the girl can be forgiving of some slips here and there if she likes the guy and otherwise the timing is right and she doesn't have better options for a fling or lover role
You'll also see classic nice guys end up with a girl who's rebounding from being hurt by a dominant male she failed to tame - she goes to them to rebuild her pride and sense of self-esteem with someone safe whom she doesn't have to worry about running around on her or making her feel out of control
Chase
How to not be gullible
I usually take what people tell me as the truth sometimes because I feel like why would they lie for no reason? Then there are people I trust that maybe I shouldn't.
I've always been told that I'm a gullible person and that I believe anything. How do I stop being so gullible?
Thank you ma man.
Gullible
Wolf-
People project onto others the way they are. Those who are always honest expect others are always honest too; those who lie incessantly don't believe a word other people say. So, not a *bad* thing that you expect others to be honest; just means you're an honest guy yourself.
If you want to avoid being overly gullible, the best thing you can do is to mute your reactions; don't give the "Golly gee - really?!" reaction to anything anyone says (always be nonplussed), and take your time in deciding on anything important no matter how convincing the other person seems to be (in fact, the pushier and more persuasive the other is, the more you should be careful).
Finally, a job where you're exposed to sales tactics can help with this a good deal - perhaps consider taking a job for some time as a salesman, learning to sell, and watching how the other salespeople around you sell. You'll be quickly disabused of the notion that everyone is completely honest at all times; most people at least treat the truth in a somewhat "flexible" way when their interests are on the line.
Chase
Field Report
Hey chase, I don't know if I could of seen this girl again, but I didn't ask for the number since it wasn't on a high note and I felt the conversation was dying. Let me know if I was wrong though.
Im at the club, I danced with this girl for a while then I started talking to her and moved her over to the bar area and she complied very easily. I was pretty much talkative and she'd ask me questions here and there. She told me where she lived by and it was just basic small talk with a little flirting here and there. I was a little drunk so my head wasn't right and I just was deep diving, then we kept getting awkward silences, because I really couldn't think of anything to say since I was pretty much drunk. So, the conversation seem to died and I just left because I know its a nono to get the number on a low note.
I just would like to know your thoughts on the report and if I made the right call or if I should of just pulled?
Thanks
Still be Successful
I was reading the comments on this article chase, and I just wanted to ask a few questions.
The comment that caught my eye was the one where you were talking about how you can get girls as wives with phd's without having one yourself.
My questions are,
1. How do you know so much information about life/valuable knowledge and how to get out of sticky situations?
2. How do you get to display to these girls your authority, dominance, future potential, and strengths?
( How do you bring it up to them, or how do you just show them you have all of this? )
For these questions I have two scenarios. These refer to making a great living in life and trying to get girls with more money than you to marry you or have a relationship with.
1. Say If you get you bachelor's, but it's not a high paying major, it's just a degree to have a degree. What can I do with the degree to make good money and not suffer low income like they say? For example someone can't get a high paying degree because the school work is too difficult and they only can get a degree if they take the easier courses to get the lower paying degree. How can they find a way to make big bucks and date women with more money and education than him?
2. Say if a person doesn't graduate college and has no degree at all. How can that person make good money and get girls with more money and education than him?
Thanks Chase with all these great articles of knowledge and the feedback. It makes me a better man day by bay.
Club convo
I forgot to add, how much time should I talk to a girl in the club and what should we talk about? I don't think deep diving is meant for the club.
Damn this was a fucken
Damn this was a fucken awesome post . I passionately agree that it's better to have a support group in the beginning. You're right, successful people only want to coach the star. I now know what I have to do to get the attention of a mentor. I'm gonna bookmark this post and follow it's strategy religiously.
Thanks!
Hi Chase I just read this
Hi Chase I just read this article and I see that it helps a little regarding a comment I just posted. I'd just like to point out that while yes, people are often skeptical of others and others' beliefs, I now feel that it's a part of human nature and that you can't fault people for that. There's a definitely a difference between an individual who doesn't even analyze and consider another person's arguments vs. people who can't understand something simply because they don't get it yet. I think many of the people in the second category can appear as those in the first. I know this because going through my transformation, I've literally oscillated between different beliefs on a daily or weekly basis. My thoughts change and my rationalization changes, and it's because my beliefs at a subconscious level have changed. One day I'll feel one way and the next it's completely different; I notice this and I start asking myself why I'm thinking this way when I've learned that it's not true. Only through constant self-monitoring have I been able to figure this out. This doesn't invalidate your point that there are good mentees and bad mentees; it's evident someone like a nice guy is going to be much more impressionable than some arrogant, obnoxious asshole, but I think you're missing a key point here and it's like you said yourself: those people on your site keep asking you to convince them. Maybe I'm wrong, but many of those people want to change, they probably want to believe what you're saying. They're not pleased with their current situation so they're trying to figure out how to change. They just lack the reference experiences to comprehend your advice. My personal opinion is that not everyone will be able to learn from your site; it's not because they don't want to or aren't willing to. They just lack intelligence, intuition or cognitive ability to understand what you're saying. In other words, they're in their own world, and maybe you could compare them to legitimate retarded or mentally ill people for the purpose of proving that they are different. These are the true dumbasses, as people would describe them, and are different from other dumbasses who are smart but just lazy or don't care about consequences. It's easy to spot a real dumbass because he probably wouldn't even be arguing with you on forums. It's also hard to read something online and fully grasp it the way you intended it. 70%? of communication is non-verbal and without audio/video we're losing the good stuff. Lastly, with respect to the dumbass explanation, is it possible that your advice wouldn't be ideal for those people because they either wouldn't be able to grasp what you're conveying in the first place or because your style simply wouldn't suit their personality type? I think things like confidence can be taught, but it's really hard for a nice guy to turn into douchebag and even harder for a douchebag to turn into a wise old man. Have you EVER heard of a douchebag turning into someone like you. I can't think of one person. Now a douchebag is probably the extreme of unteachable guys but my point is that there's a difference between someone who doesn't get it yet and someone who can't get because their brain isn't able to process that way.
I know this doesn't make it any easier for you to teach those people, and it's impossible to say whether you can reach through to someone or not or how long it would take for you to do so (you'll eventually reach through to 1:100 of these people, for example), but I just thought I'd share my opinion with you and hope this helps a non-dumbass to stay with it if he's starting to give up.
So Much In Common
The more I learn of your youth, the more blown away I am at how mine has paralleled it. From the outcast in school, to the favorite of teachers/bosses, to where I am in as a freshman in college. I was raised in a religious household which strangled my sexuality, that's added to my frustration around people (joking about sex with guys/getting involved with girls). This site has been my guiding light for years, and though I am still, sadly, a virgin, I feel like I am one of the best equipped virgins out there. I just moved into the single in my campus apartment (from a double), I have worked tirelessly on my appearance and fundamentals, and am finally in a position where I have no excuses to not get girls. I can't thank you enough, Chase, I am a follower for life.
Friend path
Hey chase and team, lately I've been meeting a bunch of cool guys (martial artist champions, swimming champions, high level hackers etc...) and I would like to have those type of people in my life both as friends and as mentors.
What would be the best way to go about the "good friend" path? Should I invite them to hang out and do something non-related, or stay in their field of expertise (at least in the beginning)? (I range from low-intermediate to intermediate-advanced in these fields.)
On a side note- I am experiencing issues in logging into/activating my user- what can I do about that?
-Aron
Leave a Comment