Epic Movie Seductions: Part III
Wednesday, 28 March 2012
Today we’ll discuss one more scene from a movie that absolutely NAILED the perfect pickup!
This movie seduction also shows a normal guy, approaching a hot girl, in a normal, every-day situation… and KILLING it!
Watching these scenes is one of the best ways to learn, because…
Monkey see, monkey do!
Let’s jump right in.
Days of Being Wild – Kar Wai Wong
I’m guessing you may have never heard of this movie before – even though it stars some of the most famous actors of Asia, it never was that famous in the West. But at the time of writing, you can even find it on YouTube.
And there is a lot to be learned here.
I’d even suggest you watch the most important scenes without reading the subtitles a couple of times – just so you can really focus on the nonverbal communication that is so crucial here:
- Body language
- Voice tone
- Eye contact
Notice how Yuddy, the protagonist, moves with complete confidence and determination.
He, too, starts out by asking Li Zhen for her name… but more interesting is the way in which he is closing space with her.
Just like prolonged eye-contact, intruding into somebody’s personal space in this way means one of two things… it is either aggressive or sexual.
When Li Zhen challenges him, and asks him in a feisty way who told him her name, he doesn’t answer.
He remains silent – he does not fall into her frame and ignores her request for compliance.
Instead, he is closing space...and we see the same submissive way of breaking eye contact from her that we had seen from Jane in “American Beauty”… a gesture that betrays her attraction.
Yuddy walks off… just like the guys in the other movies do. But he doesn’t leave the building before coming back once more, closing space yet again and telling Li Zhen:
“You will see me in your dreams.”
Instead of seducing her, he is framing the interaction in a way where SHE is the one who’s smitten by HIM.
The Second Encounter
Notice how Yuddy did not move the interaction forward, towards either a compliment or a date, like the guys in the other movies did.
The reason is that the girl of his choice works at a shop that he frequents… so he KNOWS he will see her again. No need to rush anything… in fact, his relaxed and nonchalant approach about getting her to meet up with him will only serve to make him more interesting to her.
Again, he goes up to the counter to pay for his drink, and again, few words are spoken.
Li Zhen first breaks the silence – and just like we had seen in the other movies, she does so by overtly demonstrating disinterest, when she says:
“I did not see you in my dreams last night.”
And just like the men in the other scenes, Yuddy remains completely unaffected. He doesn’t take her rejection at face value… and he even goes one step further to completely reframe her statement, implying that she was SO smitten by him that she is already suffering from insomnia!
“Of course not… you didn’t even get any sleep. Don’t fight it… you’ll see me for sure.”
The Third Encounter
This time, Yuddy breaks the silence earlier, by saying
There’s something different about you today.
What a great way to make a girl curious… and it’s very difficult for girls to resist curiosity!
But she’s still being stand-offish… TESTING him… just like we had seen before. She’s not even making eye contact, and simply negating what he said… when he once again says something to completely throw her off:
Why are your ears red?
I have seen many guys who were naturally very good with women do this. They observe a sign that a girl is attracted to them… maybe even something she’s not aware of herself… and they CALL IT OUT.
Yuddy takes it a step further… and asks her WHY her ears are red.
The implicit communication here is, once again: “You like me… in fact you like me so much that you’re flushing… now go ahead and admit it, because I already know it anyway.”
She doesn’t have an answer, and instead confronts him once more, asking him what he wants.
I just want to be friends with you.
What kind of friends he’s talking about is completely obvious in his body-language… but he is using one of the best techniques for amplifying attraction: sending mixed signals.
The most powerful way of sending mixed signals is to show verbal disinterest and nonverbal interest at the same time.
He’s SAYING he wants to be “just friends”… but his body language is saying something entirely different.
And… how could she deny him friendship?
One Minute Friends
Under the pretense of having her look at his watch, he is once again closing space… a great way to build that sexual tension.
He even comes so close to her, that she’s clearly expecting him to kiss her… she WANTS him to kiss her now.
Even if she’s still logically objecting to his approach… he has triggered her emotions.
He has tapped into her DESIRE… something far deeper and stronger than her rational mind.
But, he DOESN’T kiss her… he only teases her, coming dangerously close several times and pulling away each time. Anticipation is to women like catnip is to felines.
He also says a whole bunch of clever things in this scene, but you don’t really need to worry about any of that… you’re much better off picking up on his attitude, and on his body language… how he looks at her, and how he repeatedly gazes at her lips as they are talking, and the things he does to trigger nonverbal attraction in her.
In the next scene, Yuddy and Li Zhen are already lovers. The dialogue that takes place is very interesting, but what’s even more fascinating is the communication that is taking place BELOW the surface – meanings that are communicated without being spoken directly.
Let’s break it down and have a closer look:
It is now HER who is trying to win him over… and this is the way it goes in many relationships. It is the guy’s job to GET the girl… and then it is the girl’s job to KEEP the guy!
At least if we’re talking about a guy who has many options.
And so she starts subtly hinting at commitment several times:
- She starts by asking him how long they have known each other, implying that it is time to take the relationship to the next level… but he doesn’t take the hint, and simply tells her that he doesn’t remember.
- Li Zhen then throws out ANOTHER hint – again, not asking for more commitment DIRECTLY, but talking about her cousin’s wedding instead. Again, Yuddy misunderstands her hint (on purpose, we can assume) and tells her to give her cousin his best wishes.
- Li Zhen is starting to get more and more direct, eventually telling Yuddy that she will have to find a new place to live. It is still not explicit enough and he just grunts, so she finally has to tell him outright: “I’d like to live with you.”
- Yuddy accepts her request to live with him, but again he’s NOT accepting her implicit frame that they will be living together as husband and wife – when she asks him how they will tell her father (meaning how they will tell him that they are a couple), he seems to not even understand what she is talking about.
- Finally, she becomes 100% explicit and outright asks him: “Will you marry me?” How is that for a good example of making girls chase… the girl that was flat out rejecting him is now PROPOSING to him – an act that is usually reserved for the man, especially in traditional Asian cultures.
- He finally gives her an explicit “No.”
Li Zhen leaves in anger and disappointment, and tells him that she will never see him again. He remains in his masculine core and is emotionally unaffected – he knows that she will be back, because he knows she likes him.
And if not. That’s okay too.
(I hope you still have these magical words from Epic Movie Seductions: Part II on the forefront of your mind at all times!)
The lesson here is that you don’t always have to acknowledge everything somebody says to you. If a girl is trying to push you, even subtly, to do something you’re not comfortable with, you don’t have to comply. You also don’t have to get into serious relationships when you don’t think it is the right thing for you to do.
Having said that, Li Zhen does end up getting harmed by her involvement with Yuddy, and this is arguably his fault – there is a way you can maintain casual relationships so you don't hurt a girl and don't create attachment.
Speaking in Riddles
Is Yuddy just being thick… does he really not understand what Li Zhen is trying to communicate? Since he is clearly an experienced Casanova, we can probably assume that he is either ignoring her implicit communication on purpose, or that the idea of commitment is simply so far outside of his reality that it doesn’t even register.
For most men, however, female communication can be a real puzzle.
It is very common for women to communicate implicitly rather than explicitly, like we have seen above… they will often give a broad hint instead of saying outright what they want.
For a man, communication is usually more direct… he might take the question “How long have we known each other?” at face value and think she really wants to know the factual data.
However, not only are women usually much more interested in emotions and social bonding than in facts and figures, but they are also much less literal. So to her, the question might actually mean - “When are you going to propose marriage to me?”
This creates a problem that goes both ways:
- Men often misunderstand women because they take them TOO literally – they don’t realize that she is implying something more than what her words are saying.
- Women often misunderstand men because they don’t take them literally ENOUGH – they often spend hours talking to their girlfriends, trying to decipher what it is he really MEANT, assuming that he is – like her – speaking in riddles and metaphors, when he really isn’t.
All of this happens unconsciously and nobody is doing any of this on purpose, but it is good to be aware of it to avoid misunderstandings.
As discussed in “Women's Forgotten Past,” women have to play by society’s rules at least to some degree… they cannot allow themselves to be perceived as “easy.”
They always need to maintain the appearance as if they didn’t really want to get into a sexual situation… it just HAPPENED.
Yes, very backward… I agree. Unfortunately, this is still a reality for many people.
This is where plausible deniability comes into play… when a woman has sex with a man, she needs to be able to deny that it was her intention… and her explanation must be plausible.
She must be able to later tell her girlfriend: “What was I supposed to do? One thing just led to another.”
You Never Said You Wouldn’t
Skip about 14 minutes into the movie and watch how Yuddy invites Mimi to come home with him. He doesn’t ask or request her to join him… he simply assumes that she will follow.
When they arrive at his house, she calls him out on that and says that she never told him she’d come home with him… but he simply and calmly replies:
“You never said you wouldn’t.”
With these words, he walks inside… leaving her few options other than to follow him.
She does… but while she is obviously keen on him, she also needs to maintain plausible deniability, so she says: “Let’s get something clear. I’ll stay, but just for a little while.”
This gives her “societal permission” to go home with a man… she has made it clear that it is not her intention to become intimate, she only wants to stay for a little while.
You can even preemptively say this to a woman yourself if you want.
It is now “socially acceptable” for the two of them to be alone in his apartment together.
There’s another very typical test she throws at him that you will encounter quite frequently once you get better with women. Mimi asks Yuddy if he brings a lot of girls back to his place.
I cannot count how many times students have asked me how to deal with this situation… and Yuddy has the perfect answer.
And when I say he has the perfect answer, I don’t mean the WORDS he says… I mean his ATTITUDE.
Notice how he is not thrown by her question… he doesn’t feel the need to defend himself, nor to justify or explain anything.
He simply pauses… sighs… and says:
Then he keeps walking… and it ends the only way it can end.
There are many gems in this movie, and I highly recommend you watch it entirely… maybe even more than once. But the above are some of my favorite scenes that I think you can learn the most from.
I want to point out that I don’t condone Yuddy’s violent behavior, or his emotional abuse of women. He’s definitely not a role model I would want to be like, or whom I would want you to emulate entirely.
However, he has a very confident and powerful way of dealing with women… if you can implement some of his mindsets, without any of the abuse, you will be ON THE PATH, padawan.
Because a man who’s as strong as Yuddy, but who also has some gentlemanly qualities about him… is absolutely IRRESISTIBLE to women.
Onward and upward,
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